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For someone so superb at acting, Park Jihoon is actually pretty hard to read.
He's...kind of stoic. In a way, he's everything like Sieun. Maybe it makes sense why he's so great at playing the role. Hyunwook isn’t sure if he carries himself that way because that’s just the way he is or if it’s the result of being in the industry for almost a decade.
Jihoon has the ultimate idol experience where Hyunwook has not, and there’s a stark difference between being an actor and an idol, trust him. Jihoon is very poised. He's practiced— that is a better way to describe him. He seems to always say the right things and the right times. He used to the camera and boy, does the camera love him. When Hyunwook stumbles at times, Jihoon is there to drag him back up. When they first started going to interviews and variety shows three years ago, Hyunwook was a big scribble of uncertainty and awkwardness, but he's always able to rebound with humor. It’s not like it's the end of the world. He's the actor behind his character. People are less interested in him and more of just the role he plays.
Jihoon is much, much more that that. He’s Park Jihoon—the man, once just a boy, who took the country by storm on a survival show. Gifts. Awards. Tours. A face that had people—fans, he should probably say—dropping everything just to make sure he debuted. Even though acting is what Hyunwook specializes in, Jihoon transitioned into it so naturally.
Park Jihoon is practically a walking legacy.
Their first meeting was awkward and full of stiff small talk. Hyunwook doesn't like thinking of it much because he'll feel himself start to cringe. Jihoon on the other hand speaks of it like it's nothing. He thought Hyunwook was older than him just because of his height. Not to mention, he said his first impression of Hyunwook was that he seemed unfriendly. Hyunwook made a bad first impression on the Park Jihoon. They laugh about it now.
But back then, Jihoon felt like this untouchable thing.
In some ways he still does. Even if they've gotten closer over the years. Even if Jihoon is saying Hyunwookie I love you, on his live stream. Even if Hyunwook is doing a similar thing in a much more drunken and embarrassing way. Even if Hyunwook is shameless about how fond he is of his Hyung. There is still that line—not only the difference between him and Jihoon, but the fact that Hyunwook knows Jihoon is someone that he can’t have in the way he wants.
Yes, it’s a stupid crush, that’s faded out as time has passed, but lingers. It’s nothing but unrealistic. Jihoon is older than him and at times feels a little more mature. They’re coworkers. Colleagues. Actors doing their jobs. And he can’t help but think that Jihoon will forever see him as this annoying younger brother type of friend forever.
Though, something was different today; Jihoon kept staring at him.
He doesn’t usually, because he’s terrible at holding eye contact with Hyunwook for some unknown reason, but Hyunwook could feel his literal gaze on the side of his face.
It could've been because it’s just been a while. He made his first official appearance at the press conference for season two earlier. He played a minor role—only a reference of a character—in the current season of the show, so he’s been absent for most of the press tour. And that’s fine, in the mean time he starred in 2 or 3 major dramas—each of them sky rocketing in popularity. Without even realizing it, he became much more than the other guy in Weak Hero Class. Somewhere along the way he became just Choi Hyunwook.
And even though they’ve hung out in their free time and Hyunwook has lurked around set to watch the filming of the second season, tonight was the one time where it felt like an official reunion—being on stage and sitting beside Jihoon again felt refreshing.
In other ways it felt horrifying. Hyunwook’s stomach admittedly kind of dropped, like an anvil on someone’s head, when he saw Jihoon tonight. All tanned and done up. In the show, he has a much rougher look that makes Hyunwook forget just how handsome he is. He's a pretty boy, quite literally. And like a punch to the gut, that crush—those feelings he felt when he was 19 going on 20—come rushing back to him. He tried his damned best to push them away too, that was, until Jihoon said that their on screen relationship was similar to first love.
Hyunwook couldn't help but laugh to himself when heard the words, wondering if he even heard them right. It should've been nothing, considering he was referring to their on screen characters and not them as people, but Jihoon looked at him when he said it. With that lazy half grin on his face and it stupidly gave Hyunwook a surge of confidence for the rest of the night.
That consisted of being his usual annoying self and some more—clinging to Jihoon at the entirety of the after party and forcing him to take pictures and videos, just because he could. Then when it’s all over, he’s asking Jihoon to come back to his hotel.
"Hotel? Too lazy to go back to your apartment?” Jihoon had asked. Hyunwook had only shrugged, feeling sort of embarrassed about the question. It wasn't like he planned anything he just booked the hotel for convenience. He has things to do int he area tomorrow. What can he say.
The thing is that, Hyunwook had expected for him to look at him like he’d just grown two heads, because those were the kind of reactions Jihoon usually gave, but Jihoon didn’t seem as apprehensive about the invite. In fact, there was an unrecognizable interest in his eyes. He nodded a couple of times and then left to go whisper something to his manager.
Their usual hang outs consist of talking over drinks. On an odd day when Hyunwook can drag Jihoon outside, maybe a walk in the park. Nothing more than that. They're two busy people.
So, when it's 30 minutes until midnight, and they're in Hyunwook's hotel room, halfway through a bottle of red wine, Hyunwook knows that this is out of the ordinary.
"Ah, fuck," Jihoon laughs, rubbing his hand across his face, "'m gonna have a headache tomorrow. This was a bad idea." His alcohol tolerance is shit, that's why he's saying that. Selfishly, Hyunwook finds entertainment in seeing him all red and flustered. He leans back in his chair.
"No, this is was a good idea. I missed you."
"You've..." Jihoon mumbles to himself, seemingly replaying what Hyunwook just said in his head over and over. "We just saw each other like a month ago."
"Keyword, saw. Did not hang out."
"We're hanging out now," Jihoon replies, taking the last sip of his wine. Some of it escapes his mouth as he does so, causing a burgundy tear to run down his jaw and across his neck. He does a sorry job at wiping at it. Hyunwook watches his apple's adam bob, the way the muscles in his throat flex when he swallows.
"This is hanging out," Jihoon repeats, setting the glass down. Hyunwook feels his own mouth twitch.
"You look good," he says suddenly, not shying away from giving Jihoon a once over. He's barely able to since they're sitting so close, but likes what he sees. Jihoon in his graphic tee--that's actually smaller than it looked under his coat.
Jihoon coughs a little, hand pressed to his chest. "What?"
"You look good, tonight," Hyunwook repeats.
Jihoon makes a face, like he wasn't expecting him to say that. It's not like it's out of the ordinary. Hyunwook has tons of story memories of him publicly tagging Jihoon and calling him sexy or cosplaying as a fan. It's a joke. Well, at least Jihoon probably thinks it is. Hyunwook is about 99.9% certain about any compliment he gives Jihoon.
"And what about all the other times you see me?"
Hyunwook nods, pretending to think of those times. "You look good those days too. I see your Instagram stories."
Jihoon watches him for a second then suddenly laughs, showing off the heart shaped smile that you would only see in pictures from his days as a Wanna-One member. It's terribly cute. His lips do that folding over thing, like somebody drew a picture of him and did a squiggle for his mouth. "Shut up."
"You like it."
Jihoon shakes his head and stretches out his arms, shirt pulling against his chest for a moment too long. He slouches back down. "I don't."
"You like knowing I watch your stories and that I think you're pretty."
Jihoon's face burns deeper. He doesn't look at Hyunwook, still. "Pretty? Really? I'm not pretty."
"You are, Hyung."
"Stop," Jihoon says, sounding embarrassed. He laughs slightly when the honorific comes out. They don't talk formally at all actually, despite that fact that Jihoon almost has three years on him. Jihoon says it makes him feel weird because they feel more like friends and everything.
Friends. Just sounding it out in his head kind of makes Hyunwook's head spin. He's tired of that. He doesn't want to be just friends. He's also tired of toeing the line. You only get out what you put in. If wants something to change, he does something today.
"Jihoon-ah," Hyunwook says next. That catches Jihoon's attention--smile faltering. He kind of squirms in his seat. "I should go," he says, sounding like he wants to do anything but that.
"Why? It's late. Stay. I know you don't want to be around your manager anyway."
Jihoon slouches. "That's not...true."
"Liar. You hate him."
Jihoon laughs, but quickly stops when Hyunwook reaches out to wipe at the place on his neck that's still damp with wine. Hyunwook knows his eyes are glued to him, so he purposely doesn't connect their gaze.
"You're being weird," Jihoon says.
"Am I?"
"Yes. Why are you being all...touchy."
"I'm always like this. You know I've tried to kiss you before."
Jihoon visibly looks tense with the mention of the word kiss. He blinks rapidly. "That's...that's different-"
"Is it?" Hyunwook leans forward, in turn Jihoon leans back kind of. He places his hands on Jihoon's knees. "Would you let me kiss you now?"
Jihoon goes silent, but he's staring at Hyunwook's mouth, considering him.
"Why?" he asks, eyes leaving his mouth to stare him instead. Not a no. Hyunwook is almost there.
"I like you," Hyunwook admits.
Jihoon's eyebrows string together under his bangs. "You do? Like seriously?"
"Hard to believe?"
"But you're like..."
"I'm like what?'
"Have you even kissed a guy before?"
Yes, he has. In a club where the lights were dark enough to get away with it. He thought about Jihoon during it too--shamelessly pretended it was him. Hyunwook deflects. "Have you?"
"I-It doesn't matter if I have!"
"Exactly, so let's do it then," Hyunwook decides, standing to his feet and yanking Jihoon up along with him. Jihoon lets out a noise of suprise, but doesn't quite object or try to get out of his hold when Hyunwook holds his face in his hands. He breathes out, eyes fluttering closed for a brief moment before opening back up. His eyelashes are so long.
"You don't like me," Jihoon mumbles as Hyunwook's thumb grazes his cheek, "you're crazy."
"I'm not. And I know it's not the first time you've heard a confession, so why won't you believe mine?"
"Because..." Jihoon begins, maybe losing his train of thought when Hyunwook rests their foreheads together. Hyunwook will admit that the alcohol has hit him. He's being a little more forward than sober him would be. Yes, he's shameless and outgoing, but when it comes to Jihoon and feelings, he's a coward. Not a cool guy.
He watches his own thumb swipe across Jihoon's pink botton lip and leans closer, close enough until his nose is pressed into the meat of Jihoon's cheek, until their mouths hover over each other's. Jihoon's breath fans out over his chin and Hyunwook dies a little inside, because he's going to kiss Jihoon.
"I can't do this with you," Jihoon breathes out, and when he speaks his lips subtly touch Hyunwook's. "It'll get weird."
"You're not moving away though," Hyunwook points out, because he isn't. And he doesn't after that either. Hyunwook drops his hands from where they were holding Jihoon's face, then the next second, Jihoon is draping his arms over his shoulders and pulling him down to kiss him.
Hyunwook can barley believe it's even happening until Jihoon breaks it. "Hey, if you're gonna kiss me, do it right."