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“Nara thinks Cog knows the truth. About you and me,” Betty says.
Sin hums. “I’d say Cog probably knows, yeah.”
Even though Sin is just a voice in her communicator, so many thousand blocks away from her right now, Betty can’t help but flinch. She’s alone, in a tiny box she'd hollowed out for herself for the night - she's not in danger right now but it almost feels like she is.
“Yeah. Fuck. I should probably - tell Ace. About it.” Betty tilts her head back against the wall. “This is scarier than Evi and Poll,” she admits after a moment. “Because. Mine and Ace’s relationship is literally built on her being worried about me after you killed me.” She laughs bitterly. “But that’s consequences, I guess. We'll see how she responds.”
“I’m sure you can overcome it…” Sin says.
“Hopefully. I don't want to lose her.” It’s been a fear of hers for a while - that maybe there’s just too much against them, that they’ve been doomed from the start - Ace doesn’t know Betty, not really. Betty loves her, but sometimes love isn’t enough. All she can do is try her best.
Betty ends up building them a small room at bedrock - she puts amethyst in the walls, pearlescent froglights, the colour that reminds her of Ace, and it helps quell the shaking in her hands. She’s never been this nervous - Betty’s been in terrifying situations before, walked into what she thought was certain death without flinching, but this is -
Ace steps out of the water stream as she's pushing the last blocks into place. Betty steps back, gives her a tense smile, says hi. Ace doesn’t seem nervous - worried for Betty’s sake, maybe, but nothing more.
It makes Betty want to cry, but she won't let herself.
“You remember - when we spoke at Animal Crossing that time,” Betty says. It’s a bad start - she doesn’t know how to word this, and stumbles hurriedly over the next words. “I said - I had a secret, a big secret, that I wanted to tell you but couldn’t -”
“You’re allowed to have secrets, I don’t want you to feel forced to tell me,” Ace interrupts worriedly.
Betty laughs bitterly. “Believe me, it’s not you who’s forcing me.” And she wants to tell Ace. She does. She’s just scared. “There’s some other things Cog has been… weirdly insistent about. Seri - found some stuff out recently. Yes - yeah he wants to talk to us about the Guardians, but - he was also asking Seri questions about me and Sin. And - well. I have… reason to believe he suspects the real reason for Sin killing me. And if that’s the case, I’d like to tell you before anyone else.”
“Oh.”
Betty starts pacing anxiously - she made this room too small too small - it’s only seven steps between each corner - “How do I - how do I say this -”
“You really don’t have to tell me if it hurts you,” Ace says, stepping forward.
“It’s not that it’s - it’s not that it’s going to hurt me it’s -” Betty stops, for a long moment. She thought of so many plans, so many notes for what to say but now she’s here she doesn’t know what to say.
Betty says the next words in a rush. “It was a lie. All of it.” She stops, breathes, forces herself to speak slower. “Sin - killing me. Was planned! It was my idea. From the start.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah.”
Ace nods. “So it was your idea?”
“It was my idea.” Betty looks away. “I wanted - I hadn’t died, yet, and I knew something would happen and I’d die eventually and - I wanted to control it.”
Ace is silent for a moment. “I don’t see anything wrong with that.”
“Three months of lying.”
“Well, the lying, yeah - but that was to protect yourself.” She laughs a little. “And I can understand wanting to have some sort of control - over something.”
“Yeah. Yeah. You would.” Betty laughs. “I - when I suggested it, I said - we can keep quiet on the reasoning. No one’s going to believe it! And I wanted to be unpredictable, you know. It kinda - spiralled. Really badly. And I was lying to more and more people and - I - I’m sorry. I really am.”
“I think there are worse things to lie about, really. And worse reasons.” Ace pauses for a second. “I’m glad you told me.”
Betty laughs shakily, stares at the ground. “I really think you should be more mad about this. You’re far too forgiving.”
“Why should I be mad?” Ace says. She sounds like she means it. “Seriously, give me one reason why I should be upset - aside from like, lying - but I don’t wanna pry into your life -”
“Yeah I - I appreciate that. Because there have been a lot of people who’ve thought themselves entitled to that.” She thinks of Chips - an offer of an alliance, but only if Betty gave up her secrets. She’d talked them out of it, in the end, left that meeting with an offer of help, but… still.
“Yeah. And they’re not!”
I think you are, though.
But Ace doesn’t seem to agree. She doesn’t think that maybe as Betty’s girlfriend she maybe deserves more.
“I’m not mad at you. I don’t think I could be mad at you,” Ace says genuinely.
Betty doesn’t quite know how to respond. “Okay,” she says quietly. “I’m glad I’ve told you.”
It’s - not the reaction she was expecting. Maybe she should be glad. Maybe.
The rest of the day is hectic - collecting (well, stealing) materials for Sin, reading the newest book on the mountain, hanging out with Evi, saying something incredibly stupid to Void, watching Nara and Evi attempt to kill Mari - when her communicator buzzes with a message from Ace Betty is just about ready to collapse.
It’s the coordinates to a book, to a place she’s mentioned wanting to show Betty before. And… Betty is still exhausted but she’s unwilling to wait till morning to read it so she pulls out her elytra and flies over. As she descends the tunnel, she realises she’s been here before - after Nara broke up with Chips, Chips showed her this place. Told her what it meant to the three of them.
It means a lot that Ace wanted to show her this place too.
She finds the barrel immediately. There’s a book, a sunflower, and an allium inside.
Betty picks up the flowers gently, places them in the shulker in her e-chest she’s set aside for gifts from Ace, then sits on the ground next to the campfire to read the book
It’s called Secretum. Latin, of course.
Betty’s crying before she can even finish reading.
I will never hate you for keeping secrets……… I will never hold it against you if you want to keep something to yourself, either for safety reasons, personal reasons, or even no reason at all……… You call yourself a liar, a coward, a danger, but all I see is the girl I love who is doing what she thinks she needs to do to survive………
She has to close the book when she reads that, press her head against her knees and wait for the sobs to subside.
It terrifies her how well Ace knows her, sometimes. It terrifies her a little that Ace’s love isn’t conditional, that Ace can promise that -
Betty takes another shaky breath, then opens the book on the last page.
Please, just know that I will continue to love you until the end of the world (which may be sooner than we expect), no matter what. Nothing you do could ever make me hate you, Sunflower, I just wish you could see that.
The nickname makes her giggle weakly, wipe tears from her eyes. It worries her, a little, that Ace can say that so easily. That Ace trusts her so easily, when Betty -
Well. She can say for certain she trusts Ace now. She wishes it hadn’t taken her so long.
Two days later, Cogmented asks her and Ace on a date. As expected, it does not go well.
It’s easier to pretend confidence with Ace there, but regardless Betty’s hands shake as she re-equips her chestplate outside the portal. She’s - she’d be lying if she said she isn’t terrified. She doesn’t particularly care if Cog kills her but she doesn’t want Ace to suffer that fate when Ace hasn’t actually been involved in anything recently, she hasn’t been around enough to -
She cuts off the thought there, and gives Ace a tense smile as they step through the portal. The landscape is a little different to the last time she was here, but the village in the distance is familiar - Void showed her and Styx here a few weeks ago. She was less nervous then.
Cog’s set up a table and chairs for them - it’s almost sweet. Then ten minutes in, Cogmented admits to stalking them. Things get only worse from there, honestly.
Cog has questions - about recent events, about Nara’s books on the hill - Betty’s glad for her poor memory for once because she cannot remember a damn thing Nara wrote and she hopes it sells the lies a little better. But he’s also - aggressive, especially with Ace -
“What have you achieved?” he says to her at one point, and gods Betty wants to - she swallows the anger down, lets Ace respond. What has Ace achieved? When was achievement the measure of a person? He knows nothing about Ace, her quiet strength, her kindness, her determination. Ace is so much more than - whatever he wants from her.
The conversation isn’t all bad - at one point they end up bickering about - relationships and names and Ace is not-that-happy with the idea of Cog and Betty being anything -
“You’re on a date you’re not dating,” she says.
“I don’t know why you’re getting defensive about this -” Cog begins.
“I think Betty is mine,” Ace interrupts.
Wow. Betty hopes her mask somewhat obscures the giddy smile on her face about that.
But the conversation doesn’t stay lighthearted for long. Heaven’s Vault gets brought up and oh Betty could not lie about that anywhere near as well as she could about the Guardians - it’d be comical if the argument that followed didn’t garner her a death threat.
“You can lie to me if you want to. It doesn’t change much,” Cog says. “I’d like to see you do something for once. Not you for once -” He turns to Ace. “You for once. And for you to stop acting like you’re some little feeble being - you’re a lot more than that.”
Once again, Betty is left swallowing down anger - she will not lose her temper she is better than this but also fuck you Cog when Ace is stuttering out a response. Ace doesn’t act like that - she’s more, sure, but Cog doesn’t know her.
She doesn’t know why she hates this so much. It’s something she can’t protect Ace from, maybe.
Or maybe it’s that the feeling of not being enough is ever so familiar and she never wants Ace to feel that way because Ace is enough, she doesn’t need to be more.
A few minutes before Cog leaves with a “I can’t do this anymore”, he shoves a heart into each of their hands.
When he’s out of sight, they are both silent for a moment.
“Do we - should we keep them?” Ace says, staring at the glowing star in her hands. Betty pauses, then types a message into her communicator.
You whisper to QueenOfAces5770: do not leak this to anyone ever. not the first time a member of pathogen has given me hearts
Out-loud, she says: “Yeah. A heart’s a heart. Take it.”
They don’t go far from the village, just dig down until they find a geode to speak. Then they talk - about Pathogen and plans and what the hell do we do and what do you want to do -
“You’ve said to me before you don’t wanna be involved in like - blowing up people’s bases sorta thing -” Betty says. “And I don’t want you to feel forced especially not by Cogmented -”
“I feel like I’m going to be dragged into it one way or another,” Ace says, pacing the room. The movement is hurried, rapid, like she wants to be running from something and has to transfer the energy into anxious, short steps, one two three four five six seven then back -
“I don’t want you to have to betray yourself.”
“But what choice do I have?” Ace says, and her voice breaks a little on the words.
“You always have a choice always always - that’s something I’ve always wanted to give you and yeah I’ve been so bad at it but I’ve tried - I don’t want you to have to change yourself for Pathogen -”
“What if I want to change for you, or Nara?” Ace says, spinning to face her.
Betty hates this. She’s seen Ace scared and worried but this is different and she doesn’t know what to say or do.
“Okay - yeah, fine,” she tries. “Loving someone means changing yourself for them. But this isn’t - I don’t feel like that’s - me and Nara don’t need protection, everyone is in danger all the time, there is nothing we can do about that -”
Betty can’t help but feel like she’s going about this all wrong - how does she say this right? How does she say yes I’d love for you to be involved but I don’t want you to become like me because I scare myself sometimes with how little I care and you’re not like that - Betty doesn’t want to admit it, really, doesn’t want to admit how easily cruelty comes to her sometimes and yeah she feels bad about it afterwards but she still does it -
“Like - you know who I am I can be spiteful and petty -” Betty says - it’s an understatement.
“Maybe I should be,” Ace interrupts.
No? But if Ace wants to be like that is Betty wrong for wanting her to not - is it selfish of her? She doesn’t know doesn’t know what to think or say or do, she just tries to speak her mind but she doesn’t really know what her mind is.
“Choosing not - choosing not to react is a strength you’re not passive,” she says, a little while later. “It is so so brave that you’re able to just - move on. It’s - something I wish I could do.”
“Is it really moving on? Or am I just ignoring it?” Ace says.
Oh.
“Only you can tell me that,” Betty says softly.
It’s a theme that comes up quite frequently. Ace doesn’t know what she wants any more than Betty does.
“I don’t know what I want - I don’t know what I’m supposed to want I don’t know -” Ace says, boots chiming against amethyst as she walks back and forth and back again.
“It doesn’t matter what you’re supposed to want - you’ve got time -”
“Except I haven’t - end of the world I don’t know what I want and I should, I need to figure out what I want to do -”
It feels wrong - like Ace is putting the weight of the world on her shoulders. Betty hates this.
Ace snaps at her at one point. “Everyone talks about plans plans plans but no one does anything the world is ending and it’s because no one’s done anything - I haven’t done anything either but -”
Betty’s been trying, but - she knows what Ace means. She wonders if - if - maybe things would be better if - Nara came up with the plan Betty’s working on, Sin’s been working on the end stuff, and Betty’s done nothing other than help them both - maybe things would be better if Betty tried harder, thought up something of her own but - Ace doesn’t know about any of this because they’ve been keeping things from her and this is all far too confusing and difficult and -
“I don’t know what to do, Betty,” Ace says, a few minutes later, and it sounds more desolate than before.
Betty doesn’t think there’s anything she can say to help with this. She wishes she could. This is supposed to be her thing, talking to people, motivating people, and she can’t even help one of the most important people in her life.
They don’t really resolve anything. They go to leave the geode. Betty tries again to - comfort, maybe.
“He’s so wrong about you - you’re -” Words fail her.
“We’ll figure it out,” Ace says.
Betty nods. Leaving the geode goes a little wrong and they’re both giggling by the time they get to the surface, but it’s tired, pained laughter for the both of them. Ace calls the two of them ‘doomed yuri’ - she hates the fact it feels true.
Betty pauses when they’re on the nether roof.
“If you - if we talk about things and you decide you don’t want to be involved,” she says hesitantly. She’s going to talk to Nara, ask for Ace to be added to the groupchat, but she doesn’t know what Ace will think. “If that - then I think I have a plan to get you out of it but - we’ll talk about it, yeah. Once you’ve got all the information. I just want you to have choices.”
“Thank you,” Ace says. She gives Betty a small, tired smile, then hugs her, her next words muffled against her shoulder. “I love you.”
“I love you too. More than I can - ever say, really.”
Ace steps back a little, but takes Betty’s hand and makes sure she looks her in the eye. “You deserve - so much better. Than everything you’ve gotten. Every card you’ve been dealt - you deserve better.”
Betty, immediately, has to swallow back tears. “Mhmm. Maybe. But I don’t want to dwell on what should have been - this is what it is and I’m happy with what I’ve got. And I am happy.” She’s not sure she believes what she’s saying - is she happy, right now? Not really. “So what we’re doomed, we’re never going to win - who cares, I’ve - this has been fun, and I’ve got to have you guys - I’m not alone.”
“You’re not alone, yeah.”
“Yeah. I - I’m happy. Whatever happens, I am happy and they won’t take that from me.” She’s not sure if she’s trying to convince Ace or herself.
“You’ll never be alone. I’ll never let you be alone.”
“Yeah. I know that now.”
“I won’t let you be a lone sunflower standing in a field,” Ace says, with a crooked smile.
Betty laughs breathlessly. “Thank you. I - you deserve better too, you always have, you’ve always been the one taking the fall for other people’s decisions -”
“Maybe it’s time I start making my own then,” Ace says.
Betty pauses. “Maybe. But it’s whatever you want. And you’ve got to figure that out for yourself.”
Ace calls her Sunflower again as she leaves. The gentle, almost thoughtless affection is enough to make Betty start crying properly. She’s not sure why.
It’s a couple of days later when Betty remembers there’s another thing she’s been lying to Ace about.
Gods. Ace deserves better than this.
“I should have brought it up at the time,” Betty says, once again unable to meet Ace’s eyes. “Not now it’s been resolved. But - healthy communication, you know. It’s a truth you deserve to know.”
“You've been saying that a lot lately,” Ace says. “‘Truths I deserve to know’.”
Because it’s true.
“It directly relates to you. And our relationship. So yeah I think - I think I’m right here.”
Ace sighs. “I mean I'm glad it’s been somewhat resolved? Either way, if you want to tell me you can - of course, but also just remember the book, alright?”
Betty could never forget the book, and she laughs at that. “The book is kinda - why.”
How do you tell your girlfriend that you never trusted her fully until a week ago? How do you explain that it was a book that made you realise, not any of the conversations you’ve had or things she’s done for you?
Betty isn’t going to be a coward about this. “Until I read your book the other day, I never trusted you 100%,” she says. “I loved you, I loved you so much, but... love didn't save me with Blue. I said I did trust you, but I lied. And that is a hurtful lie and - it has changed! I do trust you now. I’ve trusted you more and more with all the time I spent with you but it was the book that made it. click. That’s part of the reason why it made me so emotional - other than - you just being the kindest person ever.”
Ace is silent for a long moment. “I honestly don’t blame you for not fully trusting me,” she says eventually. “To be honest - I didn’t actually do much to actually try to gain your trust, I just kind of inserted myself into your life and then expected you to share things with me, which was unfair.” She laughs quietly. “At the same time though, that’s part of why I’ve been so insistent that you don’t have to share everything with me if you don’t want to. I haven’t done anything to gain your trust, so - anything you do share with me, I cherish. I don’t blame you at all, you’ve had a difficult time on the server, but I’m glad we've reached a point where you do trust me.”
A positive response, again. Betty - is glad, selfishly. That Ace isn’t mad, that she gets it - maybe it wasn’t - that much of a big deal at all. Betty’s still - trying to work out where the line is - how much is too much honesty? She’s been lying for so long - it’s hard to find a balance between I want you to know everything about me and I want you to know nothing about me. Because she doesn’t want Ace to know her completely the way Sin does - that’s a terrifying thought - but she wants Ace to know her. She wants her to feel happy and safe and know that Betty trusts her and - it’s difficult. She’s still working on it.
Betty realises that she’s not doing enough while on a date with Cogmented. She’d - well. She’d been the one to ask him on another date, to Ace’s annoyance, but as per usual Cog has to be in charge, calling her out to a portal on the nether roof she knows unfortunately well - her first non-player death happened here.
It’s not been going terribly - if she wasn’t still a little mad Betty would probably say it’s actually been going well. They’re not arguing yet, at least - she doesn’t mind Cog’s honesty, and it’s good to be able to say things truthfully in return now, even if this day has been awful and she feels so incredibly fragile she’s still - being honest. It’s nice, honestly.
She ends up saying some stuff she wasn’t planning to. “I didn’t even trust Ace,” she admits, when he questions her about why she felt so alone all those months. “I was so scared of being betrayed again, I couldn’t - I’m still unlearning that.”
“Yeah, you did say that relationship was built on a lie.”
She laughs. “Yeah. Quite literally. The first book she ever wrote me - was about Sin killing me. It was an offer of safety. I mean. I did tell her! But - only - like a day before the date. So. Yeah.”
“A bit late,” Cog says dryly.
“Yeah…”
They end up talking about it again a while later.
“I think your displays of love are superficial - I’ve said this, you know this,” Cog says.
He has said this - Betty’s still not 100% sure what he means. She doesn’t - she doesn’t really know how you make displays of love - she just talks to the people she cares for and tries her best to make sure they know she loves them. And she does - she’d like to argue it’s just Cog making assumptions but he’s smarter than that.
“I know you called mine and Ace’s relationship superficial,” she says eventually. “I don’t agree, but - you’re right it does need a lot of work. She’s not mad at me - for any of it, and she should be.”
“More people should get angry,” Cog says, and Betty laughs.
“Not what I’m saying. But like there’s also the thing of - she’s not like us, she doesn’t like hurting people. And I respect that -”
“Yeah. When I first killed her, she was - angry. Especially about being collateral. But nothing came of it. And it’s something I wasn’t very careful with. You can just - get beaten down sometimes, and it’s hard to get up.” Cog shrugs. “People should get angrier sometimes.”
“I don’t think that’s - an issue though. I think she’s allowed to not get angry.”
A few minutes later, they’re still - talking about Ace. And Cog asks - “How do you know what’s your true self?”
There’s no such thing as your true self, but… Cog’s right. And that’s part of the issue, isn’t it? Is Betty wrong for not wanting Ace to change? She can’t decide for her.
“Yeah. Yeah. It’s just difficult. Because she doesn’t get angry - or even, not even angry - she doesn’t think she’s owed honesty from me. Which is - worrying. And I don’t know -”
“If she’s not owed honesty, what is she owed?” Cog says.
Yeah.
“If someone loves you, you should expect something from them,” Betty says. “And Ace doesn’t seem to have any expectations of the people she loves. Which makes me worry I’m going to force her into things - because I don’t really know who she is and I don’t know if she knows who she is.”
“Yeah. I do question how much your love kinda - makes each other. And it is a little worrying because then you can’t be - yourself.”
And that’s… interesting. It’s a familiar thought. Betty - well. She has Sin, who she doesn’t feel… complete without. It’s codependency, sure, but she doesn’t care about that - that’s just who the two of them are.
Betty and Ace don’t have a relationship like that, Ace has so many people she cares for, but - how much of Ace is based around what other people want from her? What they expect from her - and Ace never expects anything in return. The conversation moves on a bit, but Betty keeps thinking about it.
Betty doesn’t know where the line is - how many times can she say or do things that hurt Ace? Where is the line where Ace tells her this isn’t okay - she worries there isn’t one.
“I wish she’d - admit to some negative emotion so I at least know - when to stop,” she says.
“She should stand up for herself.”
“Mhmm.”
“Well - I’m glad I can be couples counselling on our date -” Cog says.
Betty half-cringes, half-laughs. “Oh my god yeah no why are we talking about my girlfriend this is not the time -”
“She can be our girlfriend!” Cog says, and that gets them very off-topic very quickly.
Betty can’t stop thinking about that conversation - the whole ‘date’ weighs on her mind a little, for various reasons, but… a week later she asks to talk.
It’s not brilliant timing - yesterday, their allies blew up Heaven’s Vault, Ace and Evi are getting married this evening, things are happening and it’s honestly a little scary, but they’re both so busy this is kinda the best they can do.
Betty sends Ace the coordinates to a lush cave, and builds a platform in the middle of an underground lake while she waits. Ace can’t see in the dark, so Betty then has to rescue Ace from the cave entrance - she hadn’t realised quite how difficult it was to get down here, but she’s too nervous about being followed to go anywhere more easily found.
It doesn’t really matter if this is overheard, really, but earlier today Betty was building a meeting room for another talk and heard blocks breaking in the walls - whoever it was, if anyone was there, had never emerged, but it was terrifying and maybe she’s a little more paranoid now than she was before.
They reach the platform Betty built quickly - Betty asks how Ace is doing. How she’s feeling. About - herself, about their alliance - can she even call it an alliance, really? They really need that meeting. They talk about villagers, how Betty found an entire living village earlier that day.
Betty tells Ace about her plans to talk to Chips - her wish to apologise, to explain quite why she responded so badly to Chips leaking the Guardians stuff - Chips didn’t know how important Sin is to Betty, of course she didn’t. Betty still doesn’t agree with it, but…
“It’s understandable, but it wasn’t fair on her,” Ace says.
“Yeah.” Funny how Ace can recognise Betty hasn’t been fair to Chips, but doesn’t -
“We’re dancing around the issue,” Ace says, cuts off her train of thought.
Betty nods. “Yeah.” She tries to get her thoughts in order. “I - to be clear - I don’t agree with what Cog says - when he calls our relationship superficial. But - he is right when he says we - and I mean a collective we, me and Nara and whatever - treat you like you’re fragile. And that’s not fair to you.”
“Yeah - it is - kinda frustrating.”
They get off-topic pretty quick - Betty tries to reassure her that it’s not shameful to run from a fight, which turns into a talk about the weird state of things with their allies and how really they could very much just call themselves the ‘world’s weirdest polycule’ and -
She’s procrastinating. Still talking, Betty places down her e-chest, rifles through the singular purple shulker, and pulls out Ace’s most recent book to her. After a moment’s hesitation, she also swaps shields - she still has the shield called Salus that Ace gave her before, or the second iteration of it, but hasn’t been wearing it - she’s died too often recently, she doesn’t want to risk losing it again.
Betty flicks through the book - she hesitates on the fifth page, then closes it.
“So. Yeah. I appreciate this book. I really do. But there is a vital part of it I don’t agree with. Which is - while I have a right to keep secrets, you also have a right to honesty from me about things that impact our relationship. And the fact that you’re not - or at least outwardly not bothered - by the three months of lying to you about Sin thing, it does - worry me. Because that was an unfair secret to you, and it was something you were owed because it directly impacted you because our relationship started so soon after that with Sin. It was - almost directly because of what happened with Sin. The first book you gave me was an offer of safety - because of Sin.” Betty shoves her hands into the pockets of her jacket. She refuses to look away, but the anxious energy is still there. “And it does really worry me that you don’t… of course I don’t want you to be angry at me but - it just doesn’t feel healthy that you’re not. I’d rather you were angry and us to try to talk it through and me try to fix things than us just exist in this state of - you expecting nothing from me. You should have expectations for me. You should expect honesty from me about things that directly affect the two of us. You have a right to know that and you should expect that from me.”
“I suppose. I genuinely am not upset about that. I’m not - it’s - maybe I should be.”
“Yeah,” Betty says. “And that does scare me. Because - how far do I go? Like - I - I - sure we have other people we’re not alone but - I don’t - I don’t know.”
“Maybe I should be upset…” Ace says, starting to pace up and down the platform. “Maybe I shouldn’t trust quite as completely, even if I want to.” She stops, turns back to Betty. “And I do trust you! Don't worry about that. But. I don’t know.”
“I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t. I’m not - the most trustworthy person.”
“That’s even the thing! Just like I've never done anything to gain your trust, you’ve never done anything to actually gain my trust but I just give it. I just give, and give, and I’m just scared of taking, I guess.”
“Yeah. I guess - communication is the first step, but -”
“I think I just don't know how to ask for things -” Ace says quietly. “I don’t wanna intrude, I don’t wanna force myself on anyone.”
That’s so wrong. “You’re not, you’re - Ace I chose you. I - how do I - sure the foundation of our relationship was built on a lie, but I chose you even though I still had those people. I was not alone and I chose you.”
“I do love you for that.” Her voice is so small.
Betty closes her eyes briefly, tries to - think. She’s so bad at speaking sometimes - most of the time. She doesn’t know why anyone ever thought she was good at this. “I want you to ask these things of me, I want you to let me know what you want because I want you to be happy.”
Ace laughs weakly. “I don’t know what I want. I don’t think I ever have. I think my whole life has just been running away from all of my problems. Just sitting, fishing, ignoring everything that’s happening.”
“But you’re not ignoring it,” Betty says forcefully.
“Aren’t I?”
“You’ve been there for everyone when everything has gone wrong, you’ve reached out to people. You help people.”
“Not like I’ve done anything about it though. Not like I’ve done anything for myself.”
“You helped me! You helped me. So many times you’ve helped me. Like yeah sure, the Sin thing was fake, but that doesn’t mean I wasn't so lonely. I was not lying about that I was so, so lonely. I know you left for a while after the Gameshow, and when you came back, you let me back into your life, that was worth so much to me. You are worth so much to me.”
Ace nods slowly. “Thank you. Sometimes I don’t feel worth it, but you and Nara and Chips and Evi have helped a lot.”
“Because you are worth it, Ace. You are one of the kindest people I’ve met on this server, you are so so kind and you deserve the world. That’s why we want you to be happy, that’s why we want you to ask these things of us, because you are amazing, and you don’t seem to realize that.”
“It’s just hard sometimes.”
Yeah.
“I know, I know. This world isn’t exactly good to those of us who - it sort of pushes down any weakness that we can have and - yeah. The stupid thing is, I almost think Cog feels guilty in a way for how he treated you.”
Ace laughs bitterly. It’s not the right wording - Betty doesn’t think Cog feels guilty, but Ace gets it, she hopes.
“Yeah, I know, it’s crazy. Like with the collateral thing. I can’t remember the exact wording but it was - yeah. He pushes too hard, I think. I don’t want to copy them - Pathogen and just say get angry at everything as a solution because that doesn’t work for everyone, getting angry doesn’t help, like, not always it doesn’t help like sure - a lot of the time, but-”
“I will say,” Ace interrupts. “I think the one good thing, the only good side to the collateral comments is that it did push me to try to get stronger, to try to improve, to do more.”
“Yeah, and you did! Yeah I think that’s what he was trying to do to you, was push you because that’s what Cogmented does he pushes people. And sometimes he does push too far and leaves people feeling like they're not worth anything. And I’m not saying that the way you feel is just because of Cogmented - absolutely not.”
“I think I probably - maybe I do need to be pushed sometimes, just to get anything done, do anything.” Ace wipes tears from her eyes with a trembling hand. Betty’s also crying, a little, she realises. She’s not really sure why.
“And that’s fine!” Betty says. “I just don’t think it should be your enemies demanding that of you. If you want like a challenge or something, sure - we can do something together I don’t know. If you want. Like - I like being challenged! That’s why I keep talking to Cogmented it’s that I like the challenge of talking to him.”
“I don’t know how you do it - I just get stressed. I’ve been encouraged by some people to - maybe lean into the more social aspect cause I guess I - I don’t know, my friends seem to think I have connections that I could use and I probably do.”
Betty pauses. She thinks of Jay, of meetings in an ancient city, whispers and messages and a realisation not too long ago - wow there’s a lot of things she’s fucked up with recently.
“Connections, yes, I agree -” she begins carefully. “It’s the using part that’s the problem.”
“Taking advantage of people,” Ace says.
Betty nods. “Yeah. I - like I say I do a lot of networking and it’s… you have to think ‘what do I want from this person and how do I get it’ and that's not - nice, that’s not the reason I want to talk to people. It’s why I want to talk to -” Betty pauses, looks around. She hates this paranoia. “Redacted -” They both laugh. “- because I’ve been so focused on what they can do for us, I haven’t been looking out for their wellbeing, and I haven’t been asking questions about themselves and it shouldn’t have taken a scare about them possibly betraying us for me to realize. But it did, and now I need to fix that. Like - that’s not for everyone. It’s just finding something that works for you. Like if you want to be more involved in the whole anti-Pathogen stuff, that’s great, I’d love to have you, but it’s just about finding the right thing for you.”
“Yeah, I think that’s the hardest part. Finding something I can do.”
“Yeah, well we can just keep trying stuff,” Betty says. “What do you think about - like - the villagers stuff I told you about?” They brainstorm for a few minutes - but Ace has to leave soon, so Betty tries to get her thoughts back on track.
“I mean that’s really what I wanted to say I think. I suppose - I want you to push me, too. Like, tell me when I’m doing wrong, and expect more from me because we’re not the greatest partnership, like we try to talk, we do, but we both - well -”
“It’s just hard. We’ll- we can work on it though,” Ace says. She nods, more to herself than to Betty. “I’ll try to be more - I don’t wanna say demanding but -”
“No, no, no please do! Cause if you’re asking too much of me, I’ll just say no... I can stand up for myself. I just want you to do that too.”
“Yeah. I’ll try!”
“Okay. Okay. Yeah. We’ll work it out.”
“Yeah. I think this is just - something I have to work on,” Ace says.
Betty nods. That’s all she can ask for, really.
Ace leaves with a hug and a tearful smile, but - Betty thinks that went as well as it could. She thinks they’ll be okay.
A few weeks later, Evi4 betrays 1000 Suns. Ace is there, had logged on the moment Betty told her something was wrong - she watches Betty and Evi talk about it, but Betty runs the moment Evi leaves - she can’t talk to anyone about this right now. She’d feel guilty, but - she couldn’t stay. She couldn’t deal with comfort or kind words now - she needed to be alone.
While Betty is trying her best to leave the stupid fucking stronghold she got stuck in, Ace messages her. A promise not to leave, to be there for her. It’s a strange reversal of all those months ago, when Ace had run away from everyone who loved her after the Gameshow and Betty had promised to wait.
She doesn’t think her reply conveys how much the words mean to her, but it means the world.
While Betty’s asleep, Ace challenges Evi to a fight - she loses, but doesn’t seem unhappy about it when she sends a screenshot of the death message to the 1000 Suns group chat.
I did this for myself, what happened with Betty was just what set it off. Doing that to her broke my trust in Evi, so I wanted to make that clear to them and prove to myself that I can stand up for myself
Betty - can’t really argue that. In a way, Ace seems bitterly proud. Betty decides to be happy for her. For standing up for herself, for standing up for Betty - it hurts, staring at a death message, her girlfriend’s death at her husband’s hands, but - what doesn’t hurt right now?
While Betty is away from the server and things keep getting worse, Ace is the first person who hears Betty’s… discomfort with current events in their alliance.
“I don’t like the griefing but also - I don’t really know what else we can do,” Betty says, holding her communicator loosely in her hand. “I thought we were all on the same page about - not wanting to be worse than them. And griefing doesn’t do anything meaningful. But I guess we already crossed that line when Seri banned Mari.”
“True,” Ace says.
They don’t decide anything. But it’s good to talk about it. Sometimes Betty feels like - this server makes her feel like an awful person, like nothing she can ever do is right - but this is something she doesn’t think she’s ruined beyond repair. If anything, things feel… more equal now. It feels better, not worse.
At the end of the world, they get married atop a clocktower - Ace suggests it, and Betty doesn’t hesitate before saying yes. They’re both laughing and maybe crying a bit, they both have slept far too little, but it’s fun, and it’s so different to how they were before.
It’s difficult to think of, now, that Betty struggled to trust her for so long, that they both talked themselves around in circles and - they’re not perfect, by any means, but - she thinks this is good enough.