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Sometimes, Galinda’s panic attacks would come out of nowhere, a huge storm of emotions hitting the girl all at once.
But the worst ones were always built up over a long period of time, caused by a series of small inconveniences. Or at least, small to any other person.
Anyone who didn’t have constant thoughts swirling around in their mind.
But Galinda wasn’t born that lucky.
The anxiety had begun right from the moment she woke up. Usually, Galinda was able to wake herself up on time every single day, at the exact same time. Every morning, at 6 o’clock am, sharp, the blonde would hop out of bed and begin flitting about hers and Elphaba’s shared dorm, performing all the steps to her lengthy, quite excessive morning routine.
That particular day though, Galinda had woken up about thirty minutes late, likely due to the fact she had stayed up extra late finishing a report she had procrastinated up until the last minute.
It was just thirty minutes.
She still had plenty of time to get herself together.
She was fine.
Galinda proceded to perform her morning routine with twice the amount of frantic energy than usual, concerning the rather exhausted Elphaba. She watched Galinda’s slightly frazzled expression as she did her hair and makeup in the mirror, sensing the panic stirring inside the girl. Elphaba didn’t say anything though, figuring it was best to give her the space she needed to get herself together.
The pair finally exited their dorm at their usual time, arms linked together, just like always. Galinda looked as bright and cheery as ever, a bright smile plastered across her face.
Everything was right in Galinda’s world once again.
Today was going to be alright.
She walked arm in arm with Elphaba to her first class, exchanging light banter, even as they sat down and pulled out their supplies. Much to Galinda’s dismay, she discovered she had left her lucky gel pen back in their dorm room.
It was fine. She had plenty of other pens in her pencil case. Elphaba had even offered her own pen to Galinda, watching her face shift into something broken, something filled with anxiety and worry for just a moment.
But Galinda put on her best smile and waved her away.
“I’m alright Elphie, it’s fine. I’m fine.”
Despite her reassurances, Elphaba couldn’t help but be concerned for the poor girl. To the untrained eye, Galinda was the same as always. Smiling, bubbly, filled with an energy that seemed to affect everyone around her. Galinda treated the world as her stage, a mere performance that she couldn’t mess up, because there was an audience that was always watching her every move.
But that was just it. A performance.
Under her plastered on smiles, the makeup that Elphaba knew took at least an hour to put on, her hair that was taken care of so thoroughly each night, was a very real, very human person. Someone who craved acceptance like her life depended on it. Someone that needed to feel validated, to be loved, to be adored by everyone around her.
After the first few classes had come to a close, all the students were released for lunchtime. Galinda and Elphaba walked hand in hand to the cafeteria, settling down at a small table in the corner, one where the girls wouldn’t be bothered, where it could just be the two of them. Usually, the two of them would sit with Nessa, even Boq, especially recently.
But Elphaba could sense Galinda’s anxiety. And being in a quieter place may help her feel better, right?
Galinda’s brain, however, was still swimming. She was spiraling, and she knew it, but didn’t know how to stop. Everything seemed to be going wrong, the cafeteria was far too loud, the lights were too bright. Everything around her was too much.
She couldn't bring herself to swallow anything during that lunch period. Despite Elphaba’s best efforts, Galinda refused to take a bite of anything Elphaba would offer her, with a weak smile, still trying to keep up appearances. Someone was always watching her. Someone would always judge. Galinda refused to be seen as weak.
Even to her darling Elphie.
Elphaba’s concern didn’t let up, even when she finally gave in and stopped trying to force Galinda into eating something. This wasn’t the first time something like this had occurred, Galinda was often found skipping meals, making up some excuse or another to keep her from even taking a small bite.
It worried Elphaba. Galinda was already on the smaller side, as she had seen from the countless times she watched Galinda lift her shirt and turn to the side, constantly checking every imperfection, everything that seemed a bit out of place.
But, like always, Galinda waved Elphaba off, plastered on her fake, practiced smile, and repeated the same words she’d been saying all day.
“I’m fine, Elphie.”
By the time classes were done for the day, both girls were downright exhausted. Galinda was slumped into Elphaba’s side the whole way back to their dorm, her legs starting to feel weak. The last few classes had been especially tough that day, and Galinda had been struggling to stay awake, her leg bouncing under the desk anxiously the whole time. She had even nodded off at some point, irritating the professor, who had given her a rather lengthy lecture after class.
Elphaba wrapped an arm around Galinda’s waist, stabilizing the tired girl on the way up the stairs. She had never felt more worried for the younger girl, and she was seriously worried Galinda may pass out at the rate she was going.
“Come on my sweet, just a little further. You’re okay.” Elphaba muttered, still holding tightly onto Galinda as they entered their shared room.
Sighing in both relief and exhaustion, Elphaba gently sat Galinda down on her bed, and held one of her hands tightly. Galinda seemed dazed, her gaze distant, muttering frantically under her breath.
“Galinda? What’s wrong? Talk to me, please.” Elphaba urged, bringing a cautious hand up to Galinda’s cheek and caressing it lightly.
Galinda automatically leaned further into her touch, her mind swimming with a million thoughts at once. Everything was going wrong. From her missing pen, to the bright lights in the lunchroom, to getting in trouble for sleeping in class, her anxiety had been building up all day, and the protective mask she put up was getting closer and closer to shattering.
Before she could stop herself, hot tears began to fall down Galinda’s cheeks, and she quickly tried to wipe them away, her breaths becoming sharper and more frantic by the second.
“Elphie, I-I cant b-breathe…!” She managed to whisper, before burying her face in her knees, her whole body trembling uncontrollably.
Elphaba recognized the symptoms immediately, panic attacks were not uncommon to the younger girl, Galinda seemed to live in a constant state of anxiety, and there were many times where the anxiety became too much for Galinda’s body to handle. Elphaba had learned how to guide Galinda through her attacks, where her emotions overtook her body and swept her into the storm of her mind that seemed impossible to escape.
But Elphaba never got used to the feeling of seeing her sweet Galinda like this.
Seeing her body tremble violently, her light sharp breaths evolving into frantic gasps for air. The girl who always seemed bigger than life, suddenly looking so small, so young and fragile.
It made Elphaba’s heart ache, knowing just how much suffering Galinda was truly going through behind closed doors. This racing anxiety that never seemed to stop coursing through Galinda’s body, it was destroying her. And Elphaba felt helpless to stop it.
The bed creaked softly as Elphaba moved in a bit closer to the shaking, crumpled girl next to her, who was still struggling to get air into her lungs. A pang of fear shot through Elphaba, she was worried that Galinda may be growing close to fainting at this rate.
“Galinda? My sweet, please look at me,” Elphaba spoke softly, carefully guiding Galinda’s head up from her knees and cradling her face gently.
Galinda immediately leaned into Elphaba’s hands, tears falling faster as she clung to her Elphie’s wrists for dear life, trying to pull herself back into reality. Her breaths were still coming in sharp and fast, and Elphaba knew she had to do something, she didn’t want to even imagine the thought of Galinda’s body weakening so much she fainted right on top of her.
Elphaba pulled the shaky girl further into her lap, letting her head fall loosely against her shoulder. She brought a manicured hand up and began to comb her fingers through Galinda’s scalp, trying as hard as she could to keep her grounded, to keep her from spiraling any further.
“Shh, there you go…it’s okay Galinda, I’m here, just keep holding on…” Elphaba encouraged, a wave of relief washing over her as Galinda was able to take a shaky, but deep, full breath.
Galinda hugged Elphaba closer, clinging like how a small child would cling to their mother, her legs wrapped around Elphaba’s waist and her face buried in her hair. Slowly but surely, Galinda’s breaths became more consistent, and the swirling thoughts in her head finally began to subside. Galinda pulled her head up from Elphaba’s shoulder, looking a tad dazed, but calmer than she was moments ago.
“There you go, you're doing so well my love,” Elphaba praised, stroking Galinda’s soft, blonde curls gently, cradling her body close, almost like she was afraid of letting her go. Galinda’s eyes were red, stained with tears, and her cheeks and nose were pink and shiny from all the crying.
She was one of the most beautiful beings Elphaba had ever seen.
Her protective instincts flared up again, and she embraced Galinda closer, feeling the sensations of her body pressed against her own. They really fit well together, their bodies practically melding together as the two embraced, both girls never wanting the moment to end, wanting to remain like this forever.
“I’m sorry Elphie…,” a small voice whispered, as Galinda reluctantly brought her head up from Elphaba’s shoulder, looking up at her with her big, brown doe eyes, shining with tears that were threatening to fall, “I’m sorry you had to deal with this again…I’m so sorry.”
Elphaba shook her head and planted a soft kiss to Galinda’s temple, admiring the flushed expression she earned from Galinda, “There is nothing to apologize about, it’s not your fault, sweetness.” Despite her attempts to restrain herself, she couldn’t resist pressing another kiss to her cheek, “I will always be here for you, okay? No matter what, I’m going to be right here.”
Galinda looked like she may cry again, so Elphaba pulled her back in, rubbing soothing circles on her back, letting the younger girl cling to her as much as she liked.
“I’m never going to leave you, my sweet.”
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