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James had always been the sun. Always smiling, always happy, always laughing, always pleasant, always perfect. He could never cry, or nag, or have some other opinion. Oh, well. He had everything, no reason to be sad, or upset. He had a perfect life. So why did he cry when no one was watching?
His friends didn't notice, he was too good at masking it. Sirius used to, but lately he'd been preoccupied with his new boyfriend, who was really just the bloke he'd had a mutual crush on for years, not that they knew. Oblivious fucks.
Since he'd been in school, he rarely saw his mum and dad, and keeping up with owls was just so…draining. He didn't know why. He supposed it had to be his fault, and slowly distanced from the two. His mum noticed, of course, but she didn't bring it up in fear of upsetting him further.
And that's not to mention his thoughts. They ought to have driven him mad over the years. The constant thoughts of how much he thought his friends would miss him if he was gone, the wonder of why anyone decides to stay in this horrible world, and- Well, eventually there comes a good one, like how Reg would worry dearly, and that he could never wish to sadden him.
Maybe the best thing to do would be to wait a bit, until they fade. That's what he said years ago, anyways. He waited, and waited, and the thoughts strengthened enough to make him crave the sting of pain whenever he accidentally decided to fall down the moving stairs. At least the temporary sensation of bones crunching was enough to knock him out of his daze for a few days.
But a few days wasn't enough, as he bounded up the stairs to the astronomy tower a week after breaking his left hand from an embarrassing attempt at a broom stunt. He, of course, didn't notice a certain grey-eyed beauty following him, having seen his darkened expression, one he didn't let anybody see.
As he stepped towards the railing, he took a deep breath, sitting on the stone just inches away from the edge. He closed his eyes, hoping it wouldn't hurt too much. Convincing himself this was the right thing to do. They like you, the fake you. Sirius sticks around because you were his first mate, Remus likes you because you're prepared, Peter adores you because you're confident, Regulus-
“James..?” A weak voice far in front of him.
James’ eyes flashed open. Regulus. Shit. Why didn't he notice the short curly-haired wizard following him? He was usually good at these things… Fuck, think of an excuse. James took a breath and smiled, standing up. Regulus' face morphed into a frown, his eyes narrowing.
“What? You need anythi-”
“Come here. Now.”
James didn't want to leave the cold solid bench-like rail, it was soothing, being so close but so far away from death. He didn't move, obviously. Regulus was sure to understand, right? He'd formed himself an identity, a talented risk-taker. Not as if this was out of character for him. If anything, he just put himself further into this box he couldn't escape from.
“No, I'm not going to come.” James started, sure of himself that he was right in his course of action.
Regulus let out a heavy sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose. He stepped closer to James, and James scooted towards the open air. The raven-haired boy seemed to notice this, because he stopped in his tracks. He looked up at his love, eyes filled with anger and pressure.
“You're not leaving m-”
“I don't know what you're-
“Listen, James-”
“No, I-”
“Fucking listen! You're not leaving me, okay?! You can't!”
James froze at that, looking down to the smooth tile floor as a source of escape from the ever-studious eyes of Regulus Black, to no avail. He couldn't possibly understand why Regulus cared so much, he was a fake version of himself. Alas, he allowed him to continue after a moment of silence.
“You can't leave me too.”
Ah, so it was Sirius. He often compared himself to his best mate, and this just made it worse. Sirius was much more charismatic, more rebellious, more effortless. In fact, he based his personality off of him, and he couldn't be happier. Er… Relatively.
“Reg, I'm not leaving you.”
“Then why won't you step away? Please, come here.”
“I'll still be here, just different.”
>•<
Regulus scoffed, the sound echoing throughout the empty tower. This completely disarmed James, as his smile dropped to reveal an empty expression. Regulus, however, was furious. First, his parents, then his brother, now his boyfriend? Everyone just had to leave him.
“Fuck you, James. I can't believe you. Get off that stupid railing before I-”
A whoosh of air.
“James?”
“...James?”
Regulus rushed to the stone to peer off the edge, only to see the body of a fallen angel, whose wings had been severed long ago. Thank Merlin he hadn't forgotten his wand. Please let this work.
“Levioso..!” His voice was a bit shaky, but to his surprise, James' body lifted.
Though it wasn't enough, and James remained suspended in the air, muttering curses. He'd fallen for an absolute idiot, that was certain. Luckily for him, Professor Slughorn was strolling underneath the both of them, on the grounds.
“Professor!” Regulus didn't usually shout, so it was surely a shock to Slughorn.
What could have also probably been a shock was that James Potter, star-student and quidditch captain for the Gryffindor team, had apparently fallen off the astronomy tower, and was now hanging midair by a weak spell that seemed to have caught his foot, at 4:00 in the morning.
Slughorn quickly pulled him down gently, and had been refused to get an answer to how this entire thing happened in the first place. This was certainly the event of the year, and he'd definitely spoken about it while piss-drunk or at the Slug Club later in the year.