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He knew this was a bad idea, and that of all places, here was somewhere he shouldn’t be. But he couldn’t help himself. He missed her so, and he just wanted to make sure that she was okay. That his decision all those years ago had been the right one.
So that’s why he was standing in front of CAL, his mouth dry and his hand curled in to a fist, shaking at his side. He shuffled his feet, looking around as though searching for someone to talk him out of this. Which he supposed – that’s exactly what he was doing. He licked his lips, glancing to CAL and smiled tightly. “Geronimo, eh?”
Reaching forward, he touched the database and was pulled inside, his vision blurring and his body tingling. He could hear CAL, whispering in his ear. One hour. That’s all I can give you. One hour Doctor.
He tried to nod, but he couldn’t move. His eyes closed tightly, and he reached forward blindly, searching for something to grip on to. As his vision brightened, a bright light filling his sight, he fell.
Landing on his hands and knees on what looked like a sidewalk. Actually, it looked like Earth. Early twentieth century, Chicago if he was right.
Which he generally was.
He tried to stand, but his chest felt like it had imploded, his hearts racing double time and he staggered back to the ground. A pair of strong arms held him up. He could hear voices, something about help and a hospital, but he couldn’t speak. CAL? CAL, what’s going on? He couldn’t hear the little computer girl, could barely breath to speak aloud. He was turned on his back, the grey cloudy sky replacing the previous blur, and a man was standing over him.
“-lright there?”
The Doctor blinked, opening his mouth to speak but all that came out was a round of chesty coughs. Slowly, his vision darkened and he slumped back, the stress of such a transition taking its toll.
When he opened his eyes, it was to a light shining in to them, and several people standing around him. He shook his head away from the light, reaching up with his hand to remove the mask covering his mouth.
“I don’t think so buddy. You’ve gotta keep that on.”
The Doctor rolled his eyes, sliding the mask down to rest at his throat and licked his lips, attempting to speak. “I doubt a-a mask will help me.”
The doctor standing over him scoffed, pushing him back down when he tried to move. “Well you’re not leaving until Doctor Corday can do a consult.”
The Doctor sighed, lying back on the gurney and glancing around the room. He grinned, waving at a nurse and beckoning her towards him. She glanced around in amusement, walking closer and bending down so he could speak in her ear.
“Hospital right? So – you’ve got custard cups? I hear it’s like custard, but in cup form!”
The nurse laughed, shaking her head and looking to the other doctor’s as they stifled their amusement. “I take it you want some. I’ll see what we can do.”
The Doctor nodded happily, falling back against the gurney and frowned to himself. How long had he been out? CAL said he only had an hour here. He didn’t want to waste his limited time in a hospital when he could be looking for River.
As it turned out, he wouldn’t need to look for her at all. It seemed she found him.
The doors to the Trauma room flew open and a doctor walked in, snapping a pair of yellow gloves on her hands and removing the stethoscope from around her neck. The Doctor leant up, resting on his palms as he grinned, drinking in the right of her.
“River!”
She paused, stopped walking and glanced behind her, a confused frown sent back in his direction. “I’m sorry?”
“Elizabeth, good. He’s been rather desperate to get out of here.”
River nodded, still staring at The Doctor as she moved to his side, the stethoscope placed on his chest. Elizabeth? So, she wasn’t River. At least not here she’s not. And she didn’t remember him.
The Doctor fell back, his smile slowly disappearing as the cold metal reached his chest. She didn’t remember him. His throat went dry and his eyes closed tightly. He thought this might happen. At some point, her memory would fade, only to be replaced with a new one. It was a safe guard, supposed to protect her. But that wasn’t the point.
She forgot him.
It was just as, if not more painful than when he let her go after visiting The Towers. And that hurt a lot more than he had expected.
His eyes opened, meeting her own as she stared at him in shock. At first, he thought maybe she remembered him. Maybe all it was, was that she needed to process who was in front of her. But then he remembered the stethoscope, and what stethoscope’s did, and the fact that he had two hearts, whereas he should only have one. “It’s normal. Trust me.”
His words were whispered, as if there weren’t any one but the two of them in that room, and he was whispering her the secrets of the universe. She licked her lips, cleared her throat, and nodded, pulling away from his gaze and shaking her head. “He’s clear. You can release him.”
She moved to leave, reaching the door and pausing. Looking over her shoulder, she stared at him for a moment, a flash of – of something in her eyes, before it was gone, and so was she.
He slid from the gurney, as the nurses moved around him, taking the IV and moving machines around. He re-buttoned his shirt, pulled his braces up and threw on his jacket. He twirled around, his eyes narrowed and a frown on his face. “Do you have my bowtie?”
A nurse smiled at him, holding up that blue bowtie he only ever wore on special occasions. The last had been his trip to the Singing Towers of Darillium. He smiled, thanking her and gripping it in his hands. As the room cleared, he moved to a mirror hanging on the wall and wrapped the tie around his neck. With a sigh, he slowly began to do it up.
“A bowtie?”
He froze, half-way done, and turned. Riv – Elizabeth stood in the doorway, biting her lip as she looked to him nervously. The Doctor nodded, smiling sadly. “Bowties are c-“
“Cool”
He looked up, shocked as she shook her head, reaching up to rub at her temple. “I’m sorry, I don’t know why I said that.” The Doctor visibly deflated, clearing his throat and shaking his head. “No, no. It’s okay. You’re right. They’re cool.”
Elizabeth shook her head, walking forward and standing in front of him, reaching up to bat his hands away. “They’re not that cool actually.” She smiled at him, beginning to unwind his bowtie and re-tie it. Her lips parted slightly as she concentrated on slipping one end through the loop, and The Doctor closed his eyes. Just like River.
“Doctor.”
He stopped breathing, reaching up to hold her hands still. That wasn’t in his head. His eyes opened and she was staring at the bowtie peeking through their hands. She glanced up, once again biting her lip. “Doctor?”
He grinned, reaching down to wrap his arms around her waist and spun around. She shrieked slightly, laughing as tears sprung to her eyes and he stopped, letting her slide back to the ground. Her hands roamed his chest, her breath stuttering. “Y-you came back.”
He smiled, nodding his head. “I came back.”
She laughed, wrapping her arms around his neck and lifting herself up to kiss him, when he gasped, doubling over in pain. “Doctor?” He looked up, shaking his head. “Not now CAL, a little more time, please.”
River moved to help him stand, desperately trying to hold on to him when her hand went right through him. “No.” He looked up, horrified. “River.”
He shook his head, tears springing to his eyes as tears slipped from hers. “Doctor.”
He stood straight, the golden glow beginning to surround him and he moved forward, catching her lips though he knew she couldn’t feel them. “Doctor.” She whispered, and he smiled at her sadly. “I’m sorry.”
His eyes closed involuntarily, and he was gone. He woke on the floor of The Library, CAL looking down at him as he sat up, staring at the database. He knew she’d forget again, return to being Doctor Elizabeth Corday, within the next hour if he was correct.
But he wouldn’t.
And he cried.