Chapter Text
Chapter One: A Midsummer’s Day’s Meeting
In a Kingdom, long ago, and far away, lived two sisters. Never more different could two sisters be, at least in behavior and demeanor, but their love for one another was genuine and powerful, despite all differences. They were the daughters of fair Lord Nicholas of the Furious. And although they shared the looks of their long dead mother in their pale skin, cobalt blue eyes and pouting lips, the eldest daughter, Natasha had hair the color of flame whilst Darcy, the youngest of the daughters had hair as dark as coal.
"--wait, Thor, you speak of Darcy, yet I know she is your lightning sister, the little one who felled you with one blow! She is not the kin of Natasha the Terrifying!"
Hogun glared at Volstagg's outburst, Fandral was too far gone in the cups to do anything, but it was Sif who smacked Volstagg upside his head.
"You asked for a story, our Prince is giving you a story!" Sif hissed. "Hold your tongue or Hogun will cut it out for you."
"Aye aye!" Fandral waved his hand about before slumping forward and placing his head on the table.
The ladies' demeanors were as different as night and day, though they managed to hold great love for each other. The Lady Darcy was kindness and sweetness and humor, where as the Lady Natasha was guarded and calculating and---and---
"She was a shrew!" Fandral sat upright at once, holding his hands up in the air happily. "And everyone knows the meanest of shrews are the best in the activities of the bedchamber!"
Hogun didn't bother letting Sif hush Fandral. He wanted to hear the latest stories from Midgard. Thor had been back one full day and he hadn't managed to tell one tale yet. So Hogun did the only thing he could, he smashed the unyielding ceramic of his large mug of ale against the back of Fandral's head. He then gave the future leader of Asgard a bright, tightlipped smile and motioned for him to go on.
The Lady Darcy and the Lady Natasha lived in their father's house. Lord Nicholas of the Furious had a large and sprawling estate in the north of the New York. It was like a small village, this village of SHIELD, where everyone worked to ensure the safety of the entirety of Midgard. Lady Darcy was in charge of all the little scientists, making sure they were well cared for, even the most esteemed and beautiful of scientists, Doctor Jane.
Doctor Jane was the most brilliant in all the land, and was also the most beautiful of all the ladies in all of the realms. Her bountiful brain lay under hair the color of honey wheat, her eyes as rich and exotic as the Midgardian chocolate delicacy, her feminine bounty greater than---
"Thor!" Odin rolled his eyes from the other side of the room, where he had deigned to listen in (eagerly). "We all know what Jane looks like, and we all are very aware that you are ridiculously besotted with her."
"Right, then, our story will continue," Thor smiled as he thought of Jane one last time.
Whilst Lady Darcy spent her time feeding and caring for those that were not entirely suited to take care of themselves, the Lady Natasha spent all of her time protecting those that could not protect themselves. She had found herself to be one of the fiercest warriors in all of Midgard, and had saved her entire species more than a few times. The evil doers of Midgard knew to fear the Black Widow, as she was usually called.
Actually, not only evil doers feared the Black Widow.
Thor paused and shook his head, revising his thought, "Everyone feared the Black Widow. It was the smart course of action to take, after all, when one knew what the Black Widow was capable of. Never before was a more fearsome lady warrior of both the body and the mind to be found on Midgard."
"My Prince Thor, no," Volstagg furrowed his brow. He gestured to Sif with his head insistently, lest Thor insult the lady present.
"Aye, I have thought this through enough, Sif is fearsome in battle, that is to be sure, but Natasha would not let a battle between the two come down to the physical," Thor nodded. "She would destroy Sif emotionally first."
Sif nodded in agreement. She had had the honor of meeting Natasha on her last visit to see Colonel Rhodes. Natasha was fearsome indeed, and Sif was a wise enough warrior to admit that even if she could best the Midgardian in weaponry, she would be devastated in other ways.
"Please continue," Sif nodded.
Both of the fair ladies under Lord Nicholas' care were renowned in the village of SHIELD. Lady Darcy was coveted openly by males and females of all kinds for her kindness, sweetness and good humor. Lady Natasha, was, of course, considered desirable, but no man or woman had the gumption to try and win her heart. It was believed by many, that a poisonous tongue and wicked mind and the ability to poison a person without trying very hard at all was too high of a cost for the Lady Natasha's favor.
Our story truly begins in the small village of SHIELD, when one afternoon, Lady Darcy was greeted by two suitors. Sir Johnny of the Storms, a wild man with an untamed heart, had coveted the Lady for many Midgardian years, but had always been too busy in the chase of the skirts to apply himself to win her hand. Also, the young Lord Pietro, from a far off land had taken quite a fancy to her...
"Hey hot stuff," Johnny Storm grinned down at Darcy. "Want to go make out in a supply closet? I think I spotted one right inside the hallway."
"Really, dude? Was it the supply closet that Tabitha from Communications sexually serviced you in this morning?" Darcy asked knowingly.
"Hey, there was no servicing," Johnny argued. "There was hands over the clothing groping and a little light making out."
"She changed into a turtleneck," Darcy disputed. "In July."
"If you'd agree to let me take you out, then a lot of the ladies in this facility wouldn't be wearing turtlenecks anymore," Johnny shrugged.
"Dude, helping or hurting your case right now?" Darcy laughed.
"C'mon, I can get us tickets to anything in the city right now," Johnny promised. "Come out with me. Give me one night."
"I'm on house arrest, you know this," Darcy reminded him.
"Fury's still got you on house arrest?" Johnny furrowed his brow. "That was like...months ago."
"Apparently I'm a threat to national security," Darcy shrugged. "I’m on a list and everything. You know he's going to make me take my chaperone."
"Shit, Romanoff? Fuck no," Johnny shuddered.
"Thought so," Darcy laughed, giving Johnny a wave before walking out of the facility doors, her hands gripping three medium sized gift bags full of all sorts of things three new permanent residents of the upstate New York facility would need.
Nick Fury, former director of SHIELD, and unofficial legal guardian to one Darcy Marie Lewis, had appointed her to be the welcoming committee a few weeks ago, when the brand new facility re-opened after the events of the spring. He had hoped it would keep her busy enough to stay out of trouble, as Natasha couldn't be expected to keep an eye on her all the time, and any time Barton had with the girl was spent getting into even more mischief. And the last thing Fury wanted to do was let Darcy have any more free time with Wanda, Jane and Helen. The quartet got into all kinds of shenanigans when Natasha was not there to reel them in.
It was why Darcy was a threat to national security, after all. You accidentally take down ONE rogue Hydra cell almost completely by accident and all of a sudden you're considered a weapon of mass destruction.
So Fury tried to occupy her by giving the girl as many tasks as he could come up with. Facility Welcoming Committee. Facility Social Director. Avengers Social Media Handler. Official SHIELD Baker. Scrapbook Committee chairperson. Comfort Material Acquisitions Department Chair. Darcy Lewis had more titles next to her name than any other person affiliated with SHIELD at that point.
Helen met her on the lawn with an enthusiastic wave.
“I have the condoms!” She shouted out helpfully, holding up hands full of prophylactics.
“Awesome,” Darcy laughed, walking up to her and holding the bags out.
Darcy felt a breeze rush past her, and she rolled her eyes and looked down at the gift bags she had, not surprised that a bag of cookies was missing.
"WANDA! Come and curb your dog!" Darcy yelled.
"I'm not a dog, darling," Pietro smiled, holding the bag of opened cookies up to his nose and inhaling.
"Give those back! Those are for the Soldiers Three!" Darcy held out an impatient hand. "They've been traveling for a long time and totally deserve cookies!"
It was true. The Soldiers Three, aka Sam Wilson, Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes, certainly deserved cookies. After the events of the spring, they had spent a busy three months, recuperating and then going out and destroying Hydra cells. In Bucky's case, the recuperation had mainly stemmed from destroying Hydra cells. Now, after SHIELD’s and Stark's brightest had determined that Bucky was safe for human consumption, they were coming back to the Avenger's facility, making it their home base.
"Don't you dare put that in your mouth!" Darcy warned. "You'll be sorry."
"I will be enjoying the delights you have created," Pietro waved off her threat. "Nothing to be sorry for. The only thing sweeter on this Earth would be your lips, darling."
He never even saw the kick to the back of the head coming, which was delightfully ironic and made Darcy laugh. Natasha caught the bag of cookies as Pietro dropped like a ton of bricks. She walked over to Darcy and gave her back the stolen goods, a soft smile on her face for the younger woman who she considered family.
"Rude!" Pietro coughed out from his place on the lush grass of the facility's front lawn.
"There are times that I wonder why we let Helen heal you up," Natasha looked back at Pietro as he rolled over onto his back. "Beat it before I tell Laura you were hitting on Darcy again."
Pietro was gone in a blink of an eye and Natasha looked down to the bags, her brow furrowing.
"You made them lemon brownies."
"It's summer, the lemons are plentiful," Darcy nodded. Natasha gave her the slightest downturn of her lips and Darcy laughed. "There is a tray in our suite, and a hidden tray in your secret spot in the kitchen freezers."
"I adore you," Natasha gave her a kiss on her cheek.
Darcy never understood why other men were frightened of Natasha. She was a lovely person when it came down to it. Sure, she could kill a person by looking at them the right way, and she'd been the only human to mentally fool the God of Mischief...
( Odin huffed out an annoyed sigh )
But when it came down to it, Natasha was Darcy's favorite person on the planet. So she didn't mind that Fury had essentially made it law that if Darcy wanted to go out and have fun outside of the facility, i.e., date anyone, she would have to bring Natasha along for the ride. Natasha also had an awful lot of fun scaring away those that were unworthy of being a prospective suitor
It would be helpful to find someone to take Natasha out so that they could go on a double date. If Natasha had her hands full with her own paramor, then she would be less likely to terrify Darcy’s beaus. Nat was decidedly uninterested though, ever since Bruce had abandoned her. She had sworn off men completely. Darcy couldn’t understand why. Because she definitely missed the comforts of...men.
A beat up old pickup truck rattled down the driveway, pulling up to a designated parking spot on the facility. Darcy watched with excitement as three very tired men nearly fell out of the truck, one by one, looking road weary and battle scarred. Natasha gave a smirk to all three of them as they ambled up the pathway to meet them.
"Hi! I'm Darcy, the official welcoming committee chairperson," Darcy waved enthusiastically. "Welcome home!"
“Welcome home,” Helen repeated dutifully. Her involvement in the Welcoming Committee was blissfully small. She provided condoms for the welcome bags and only had to wave and smile before Darcy took over for the tour. She smiled at the newly arrived soldiers, mainly the one with the shaggy brown hair, giving him a small wink.
Bucky looked away from the adorable women (and the unimpressed, but still adorable Natalia) to glance at Steve, who returned his look before they both stared back down at the small young woman who held up colorful little bags for them to take.
Home .
They hadn't had one of those since 1942, really.
Nothing sounded better.
"Boys," Natasha arched an unimpressed brow at them.
"Red," Sam smirked at her. "How's business?"
"Deadly."
"So, would you like the tour first, or would you like to go to your rooms and freshen up and then have the tour?" Darcy wondered. "The tour is non-negotiable. I work very hard on the tour, and I like giving it."
Natasha gave the "soldiers Three" a look that stated in no uncertain terms that the three of them would be getting the Darcy led tour at some point.
"I'd like to clean up a little first, if that's alright with you, Miss Lewis?" Steve wondered.
"Clean up a little ," Bucky repeated with a wry smirk. "Punk stinks so bad he could catch fire under the sun. He ain't fit for polite company such as yours, Miss Lewis."
"Oh no," Darcy's eyes widened looking between the two boys. They were adorable. She spared a quick glance to Helen and was unsurprised to see her friend giving Bucky more than a few glance overs. She could just imagine the commentary running through the young doctor’s head. "Okay, I'll show you to your suite. It's like a big apartment. You're right across the hall from me and Nat and Helen, so yay! Neighbors!"
As soon as the three soldiers had finished their showers in their en suite bathrooms, they had each rushed through, eager to see the rest of their facility. And their tour guides . Steve was done first, truly the most efficient of shower-takers and his face fell when he entered their suite’s common area, seeing Nick Fury sitting complacently on the couch.
Sam was next, slightly less efficient in the shower. His face fell in a similar manner and Fury rolled his eyes.
“I’m beginning to feel unwelcome,” Fury arched an eyebrow.
“Well, yeah, these are our private quarters, it would kind of make sense that we’d be a little put off at you popping your back from the dead ass down on our couch,” Sam sassed back.
Bucky rushed out of his room, his hair still soaking wet, his shirt still stuck around his neck.
“Alright, fellas, let’s go, I want to see more of that pretty doct---oh,” he pulled his shirt down and gave Nick a disappointed, grumpy look.
“Charming,” Nick huffed a laugh. “In a hurry, gentleman?”
“Miss Lewis is going to give us a tour,” Steve explained, his lips curving upwards of their own accord at the mention of the tiny ...assistant...liaison? General caretaker? Whatever she was, she was beautiful and sweet and kind and Steve finally believed in love at first sight.
He tensed up, knowing that Bucky would pick on him at even thinking it. But Bucky was preoccupied with his own thoughts, apparently, staring off at a corner of the wall, a pleasant smile on his face. Steve recognized that look. Bucky had had the dreamy, lovely smile on his face many a time after a night dancing with a pretty little something at the dance hall.
“Jesus, it’s like you two have never known a woman before,” Sam shook his head, his mouth pursing in disapproving disbelief. “Get it together, Barnes. You are a legendary lady killer. They made a damned movie about you!”
“They got a coupla things wrong,” Bucky huffed out. Sure, he liked dames. He romanced plenty of them in his day. But he’d not done his romancing out of a need to get another notch on his belt. He’d always just loved the feeling of falling. The notches in his belt were simply a happy side effect.
“And you, you were voted People’s Sexiest Man Alive, for the last two years,” Sam pointed at Steve. “Do not let some pretty little lab assistant scramble your brains.”
“It’s not just that she’s pretty,” Steve huffed out. “She’s a sweetheart. And---I--I like her.”
“You’ve known her less than an hour!” Sam reminded him, only a tad bit hysterical. “When we talked about going out and finding happiness and not waiting, I didn’t mean for you to go out and fall head over heels in love the next day.”
Fury surveyed the three soldiers with a smirk. They were the answer to his problem. Three birds. Three stones.
Coulson liked to joke with him that he had collected a considerable harem of lady friends of the platonic variety. It had a ring of truth to it. Maria Hill, Natasha, Darcy, Jane, Helen, Sharon Carter, even young Miss Maximoff were his responsibility since they lived at the facility. And that suited him just fine. He was more at ease with strong, competent women surrounding him instead of hot-headed, testosterone fueled men.
But Darcy had pushed him past his breaking point with her Hydra take down a few months back. But he liked Darcy quite a lot and knew she didn’t mean to get into mischief. Mischief found her.
( Odin chortled again.)
Fury didn’t want to be the bad guy and reign her in, but she couldn’t be left to her own devices. She’d wind up in an inter galactic war in no time.
Darcy Lewis required a handler.
As a matter of fact all of his unofficial platonic harem needed handlers. They all did. And so did the hot-headed, testosterone fueled men.
He’d have less headaches if they were all matched up appropriately.
“What’s got you so sore, Wilson?” Steve demanded. “There’s nothing wrong with us getting friendly with Miss Lewis or Dr. Cho…”
“Maybe he needs to get friendly with a lady himself,” Bucky chuckled. “Maybe he’d be less of a smug self righteous bastard if he had a pretty little thing to moon over.”
“This conversation is moot,” Fury shrugged. “No one will be romancing anyone in this facility. Especially not Miss Lewis.”
“But Dr. Cho is available?” Bucky asked quickly.
Fury ignored him and looked right at Steve, “Miss Lewis doesn’t date and Dr. Cho doesn’t date out of solidarity. Miss Lewis has a guard dog. And she’s not dating anyone while that guard dog is in place.”
“What?” Steve furrowed his brow. “You?”
“No, someone much worse,” Fury promised him. “The only way Darcy is dating anyone, is if someone takes care of her guard dog.”
“Like... take care of ?” Bucky questioned, holding up a finger gun. “Cause I don’t do that kind of thing anymore.”
“Easy there, tiger,” Sam rolled his eyes.
“Darcy dates someone when her guard dog dates someone,” Fury smirked. “She’s not allowed to leave the facility without her guardian.”
“He’s Captain America,” Bucky huffed out in annoyance. “Surely he can be trusted to take Miss Lewis out on the town.”
Fury laughed.
And laughed.
Then laughed some more.
He was bent in half, chuckling darkly and uncontrollably for a full ninety seconds, making the other three men in the room very uncomfortable. Finally he came up for air and shook his head.
“Darcy is ten pounds of trouble in a five pound sack and can get into enough life threatening situations in public by herself, thank you very much,” he chuckled. “The very last damned thing she needs is an accomplice in the shit-stirrer that is Steven Grant Rogers. I don’t need any more helicarriers falling out of the fucking sky.”
Bucky and Sam shrugged, knowing this was true. Steve tried to act offended at the accusation that he was a shit-stirrer but couldn’t manage it so he shrugged.
“Alright, who is the guard dog? Sam can take a bullet for the team and date her,” Bucky suggested.
“Oh, can he?” Fury nodded, standing up from his seat and walking towards the door. “Sight unseen?”
Steve gave Sam a hopeful look, with just the right amount of sad puppy that had Sam heaving a sigh.
“Sure,” he nodded. “What poor SHIELD agent do you have assigned to Miss Lewis?”
“Natasha Romanoff,” Fury smiled, giving the soldiers a sarcastic salute before laughing his way out of the door.
And thus the challenge has been set. Surely Samuel, Son of Wil, might rise to the indomitable challenge of wooing the Lady Natasha, also known as the Lady who would not be wooed. The Black Widow Warrior of Midgard. To soothe the path of true and glorious love between sweet Captain Steven and brave Lady Darcy, as well as Fair Sergeant Bucky and brilliant Doctor Helen, Samuel will face many a challenge…
“Right after I visit the bathing chambers,” Thor announced, rising from his chair. “I have drunk too much meade.”
“Hurry, you blasted fool!” Odin grumbled. It was most unfair for him to get right to the good part of the story only to leave it hanging in the air.