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"Just one more time?" You asked. "Please? For me?"
Maybe you batted your eyelashes on purpose- your smile soft and warm, as you brushed your baby hairs from your face. Maybe it was on accident. Even you had been unable to differentiate between the blurred lines of how you instinctively reacted to his presence versus when you consciously tried to impress him.
You had been in the training room for an hour and although the ceiling fan whirred incessantly above the both of you and the fluorescent lighting had begun to give you a headache, you weren't ready to quit.
A glass of water stood on the far side of the room, among a few small puddles that had spilt as Bob had tried (and failed) to successfully raise it in the air telekinetically. A month earlier you had offered to help train Bob; with abilities the most similar to his out of anyone in the group, it felt like a natural step.
But as days turned to weeks, you needed a win just as much as him.
"Try to feel the energy running through you." You said, laying your hand against his shoulder. "I can feel it radiating off of you. You have to remind yourself that you're the one in control, Bob."
Bob's skin rose underneath his sweater- tiny goosebumps scattered across the expanse of his body. A shiver ran down his spine at the spark of your touch. As your hand trailed from his shoulder down his arm, his heart raced.
"It's all you." You whispered. "Now concentrate. Focus on the energy coursing through you. From your fingertips, up your arms," your fingers tracing up his arm as you spoke until they reached for his chest. "...to your heart..."
When Bob could feel your fingertips ghosting over his chest, pressing through the sweater that hung loosely on his frame, his breath hitched. His brain- a jumble of emotions that had far less to do with whatever god-like power was flowing through his veins and more to do with the brain of a man fogged by the woman he loved- lost focus on the task at hand.
His eyes screwed shut as the glass shattered in midair.
"Nice going, Bobby." Walker called, learning against the door frame.
Suddenly aware of how close you had become, you swiftly pulled away from Bob.
You scoffed.
"Don't be an ass, John."
The tension in the room was palpable as the three of you stood in silence. Only the mechanic whir of the fan click, click, clicking as it rattled on the ceiling kept you from hearing each other's breaths.
Glancing between John and Bob, you rolled your eyes and scooped your things up off the floor.
"Good work today, Bob." You said turning back with one last smile as you headed for the door. "See you at dinner."
Bob raised his hand to say something back, but before he could, you had scurried out of the room leaving him with Walker. Wonderful.
As if the room had been vacuum sealed and released, it was as though the liveliness of the room had been sucked out with your departure.
John gestured to the door.
"So you two are getting close, huh?" He asked, striding into the room with a beer bottle in his hand.
Bob felt the heat rise to his cheeks- was it that obvious?
"Oh uh... I guess." Bob smiled politely, shoving his hands in his pockets.
John's feet dragged against the floor as he walked, the sound of rubber against concrete like nails on a chalkboard in Bob's ears. Walker's gaze travelled across the room as if he was seeing it for the first time and hadn't trained in it himself daily, until his focus landed on the water spill from moments earlier. He kicked a stray piece of glass with his foot.
The super soldier cleared his throat.
"You know, man-to-man, Bobby: I'd be careful with her if I was you." Walker chuckled dryly. "Y'know, after what happened with Bucky."
Just as quickly as it had raced by your touch, his heart now stopped.
Everything that had been bothering him previously- the mechanic clicking of the fan, the bright white lights that reminded him a bit too much of a ward, the crisp tag that scratched the back of his neck, the way John spoke with drops of beer still hanging on his lips- it was endless, really- had faded into the background.
What did Bucky have to do with you?
He fidgeted with his hands, digging into the nail beds that were still dried with blood.
"What uh.." A nervous laugh escaped his throat. "What happened with Bucky?"
"Hooked up." Walker said, bringing the bottle to his lips. "Yeah.. it was like, a while ago back in my Captain America days." He raised his eyebrows. A pause. "She didn't tell you?"
As much as Bob had a difficult time lifting a glass, his heart had no problem dropping into his stomach.
One thing that Bob had always been cursed with from a young age was a hyper-active imagination that rarely ever served his own benefit. Now, it plagued him with the idea of you and Bucky together. Blurry images of you falling into bed together- your laugh in his ear. His lips on yours. His hands running up and down the length of your body...
He could be sick.
Stupid, stupid, stupid.
They all had their flaws but Bucky had been forced into a life of heinous acts and had still managed to come out on top. Captain America's best friend. A hero against Thanos. Fuck, he was even a congressman... meanwhile you had been there to witness the vivid memory of Bob high out of his mind working as a sign flipper first hand. He didn't even work for his abilities, he received them on the hunt for another high.
What was he thinking?
Bob's eyes fell to his hands as they fiddled in his lap and he shook his head.
"No uh, no..." He coughed, attempting to mask the tremble in his voice. "She never um.. mentioned it."
"Huh."
"What?"
John took another swig from his bottle.
"Nothing, nothing..." Walker said with a shrug. "I just figured you guys were close. Always hanging out n' all."
And by all means you were.
There was no coffee run complete without Bob's vanilla milkshake, or a night where you fell asleep on the couch without him by your side. He tasted everything you made before it managed to find its way into the oven. He came with you to every bookstore and supermarket run under the guise of 'wanting to feel useful', while really just wanting to observe you in mundanity outside the tower and carry the bags for you effortlessly home.
Him and Yelena were close, but you and him were partners.
Bob had understood that his more-than-friendly feelings for you would likely have been in vain, but he had never considered that yours were already taken by another.
Stupid, stupid, stupid.
Bob tugged at his hair and scratched the scruff that had begun to grow on his jaw.
"Yeah..." He shrugged. "I mean.."
John sized Bob up, trying to estimate how he was feeling. He was a difficult one to read- chronically calm in the face of adversity as if it was the life he was assigned to live. Staring at the polite smile that Walker could've sworn was glued to Bob's face, he accepted that he wouldn't know.
"Well, anyway," John said. "Time for dinner, right?"
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"Can I ask you a question?"
It was a simple question. One that you didn't think would have much bearing. Afterall, the two of you were finally organizing your bookshelf- the final step in making Avengers Tower your home. You figured that it would be about where to place a book or how you liked it.
You would have never anticipated where the conversation was heading.
You absentmindedly flipped through the pages of one of your paperbacks before slipping it onto the shelf.
"You can ask me anything, Bob." You replied. "I'm an open book."
Bob watched where you were knelt on the floor below. The sun peeking in through the window behind him had cast a golden glow on your face, highlighting the crinkles that formed as you focused on the task at hand.
Did he want to know if you were Bucky's? Now, with the two of you alone in your room, doing a mundane task like organizing your bookshelf he could convince himself that this was his life. That you were his.
The truth could shatter that illusion.
What was he thinking? Of course he wanted to know.
The sound of his sock feet shuffling on the floor pulled your focus from the shelf to his flushed face.
"Is everything okay, Bob?"
You pulled your hand from the pile and laid it gently against Bob's clothed leg.
Bob cleared his throat.
"Are you and Bucky.. are you... did you-" Bob tugged at his hair. "Fuck, uh.. this is awkward. Were you two ever...?"
Your eyebrows furrowed as you listened and you swear you felt your blood pressure spike.
How did he know?
Bob was the last person on Earth you wanted knowing about your sex history- especially with someone so close to the two of you. His spluttering only dragged the moment on and you needed a mercy kill.
"Are you asking if Buck and I were a thing?"
Buck. Bob's mind raced. She's the only one in the tower he lets call him that. How did I not notice?
You watched him physically deflate once you posed the question for him- whether that was out of defeat or relief at the awkwardness being stripped from his own hands and shoved into your own, you weren't sure.
Your eyes trailed to the books in front of you.
"I guess, once." You replied trying to even the thumping in your chest. You were never sure of the extent of Bob's powers and if super-hearing had slipped its way into his skillset. "It was a one time thing. I think we just got lost in the heat of it all and when we were done with our mission, we got busy with our own things and it just... fizzled, you know? We're just friends now, Bob."
Without realizing it, your hands had clasped together, circling around one another nervously as you spoke. Noting your demeanor, you picked up another book from the pile.
"Walker just made it seem like-" Bob started.
Of fucking course it was Walker.
You shoved a hardcover into a free space on the shelf with a thud.
"Well Walker's an asshole." You stated flatly, loosing the composure that had been held together by the wringing of your hands. "There's nothing there, Bob. I mean, Buck is a good friend, but he's not the type of guy who'll grab coffee with you, or read your book recommendations, or-" You stopped yourself short, realizing the relationship you were describing was your own. "He's just.. he's not the guy for me."
A silence hung in the air for a brief moment until you could no longer take it.
"I'll be right back."
Before Bob had the chance to argue, you were on your feet, slipping through the door, and rushing down the hallway.
You welcomed yourself inside Yelena's room and shut the door behind you.
"I could kill John!"
Yelena, who had been sat on her bed reading, threw her book to the side.
"Uh, hello?" Yelena said pulling out an earbud. "Have you heard of knocking?"
Waving away her argument, you paced the length of her room.
"Walker told Bob that I had sex with Bucky."
Yelena had become well acquainted with John Walker's slights in the time since meeting him- he enjoyed getting under someone's skin like no other- a natural instigator- though, the team had become immune to it. But watching you now, burning a whole in the carpet with your pacing, Yelena realized she had never seen you so frantic.
"Well?" She asked. "Did you?"
You gave her a pointed look and sighed. That's all she needed to know.
Her jaw dropped.
"When was this!" She shouted, waving her arm in the air.
"Three years ago!" You yelled back. "But that's not the point- the point is that Walker told Bob!"
Yelena, quickly digesting the grenade of a revelation you just threw at her, shrugged.
"Well you just told me," she said. "Who cares if Bob knows?"
"I care!" You said flopping onto the bed. "It's different."
The blonde furrowed her brows.
"Why is it different?"
Staring up at her ceiling, you let out an exasperated sigh.
"Because you're a girl."
Yelena tapped her finger against her chin: "Well Walker knew and you did not care until he told Bob."
"That's because he was there, Yel." You argued. "I wouldn't want Alexei to know either."
A dry laugh escaped her lips.
"That is different." Yelena said. "Alexei would tell the whole world that you had sex with Barnes and the news would call you the Avengers' whore."
You reached for one of her pillows and threw it at her.
"Oh my god, Yelena!"
You hid your face in your palms.
"Not that I am calling you a whore!" She defended herself. "I am just saying-"
"Yelena." You said, face still hidden behind your hands. "Focus."
"I just do not understand why you care if Bob knows!" Yelena said with an exasperated sigh, running her hand in circles on your back. "You two are very close. He won't judge you. I mean, he is very awkward, but I am sure he's had sex before. It won't affect your-"
As if a cartoon lightbulb had appeared above her head, the thought finally came to her. Yelena ceased the motion with her hands.
"Wait." She said, pulling herself away from your touch. "Do you like him?"
You rolled your eyes.
"What are we?" You said, deflecting. "Kindergarteners?"
"Aha!" Yelena said, hopping off the bed. "I knew it!"
Somehow telling another person only made your feelings more real, tangible. Before you could deny that they had ever existed, but now that it was out in the open, you were vulnerable not only to your feelings but Bob's too. You could feel your face burning from the confession and groaned.
"You like Bob!" She said with a pout, as if it were the most wholesome idea in the world. "That is so cute. Why do you not you tell him?"
She asked it as if it were simple. As if the only thing that stood between you and what you wanted was a sentence. And that if things didn't go the way you hoped, that your desires would blow away like dust in the wind.
If anything, the revived information that you had a history with Bucky only further pushed down your inclination to confess your feelings to Bob. If three years had passed since a mutual one night stand and that was still haunting you, how would an unrequited love with your roommate be?
You weren't sure you could take it.
"You're joking, right?" You wrapped your arms around your legs and tucked your knee under your chin. "He's literally 'the golden god'. I mean Bob's just... he's so attractive and fit and nice... there's just no way he would feel the same and then it would make everything so awkward."
Yelena quirked her eyebrow at you.
"I am confused." She said. "Are we talking about the same Bob?"
You gave her a sad smile and swat at her arm.
"Yelena. I'm serious." Your argued. "Just think about it."
Her tongue clicked against the roof of her mouth, tut, tut, tuting you as she brushed her hand against your forehead.
"Y/n, before you started training with Bob, he could throw us all across the room without even thinking about it." Yelena said, stroking your hair. "Now, he can't even pick up a glass of water. Do you know why that is?"
You hadn't considered it.
"Do I make him uncomfortable?" You asked.
"No! I mean, yes, but it's not like that." She said, pulling away. "You make him so nervous that he cannot think straight. We all know that he's in love with you, we just did not think you felt the same."
You pulled yourself up onto your elbow to get a better look at Yelena, the sheets crinkling under your touch. In your chest, you swore you could feel your heart thumping against its cage.
Bob liked you? You?
As if you were a kid again you felt an adrenaline rush through your veins, begging you to hop off the bed, skip around the room and run into the arms of the man you loved.
But you were an adult who lived with both a man from your past and one who would, hopefully, be your future. Care and precision was needed.
"Really?" You asked, pressing your hand to your chest to steady your breathing. "Don't mess with me, Yelena."
Yelena laughed.
"Oh yes. He is very obvious." Yelena shook her head. "Always making the googly eyes at you when you talk and asking where you are... it's gross."
Without thinking, you closed the space between you and Yelena by gripping her hand.
"Are you serious?"
"Yes." She assured you, squeezing your fingers, "And you should tell him. Now that he knows about Bucky it is going to mess with his head. It is better to tell him soon."
Suddenly, you thought of Bob's feelings. The way he must have felt learning about Bucky.. if you were in his shoes and he had been with a member of your group, you think you would be sick.
As much as you wanted him- to hold him, to tell him you love him and hear it back, to be able to call him yours- it wasn't your feelings that drove you, but Bob's.
Yelena could be wrong, but she could also be right. You couldn't risk the latter by fear of the former.
You'd tell him tonight.
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After your conversation with Yelena, you had headed back to your room only to find it abandoned by Bob. The afternoon had dragged on in agony, avoiding Bob like the plague until dinner. Even once the dishes had been served, wine was poured, and you had relaxed into your seat beside him, it had taken you all dinner to get up the nerve to speak to him again.
Afterall, what if Yelena's intuition was wrong?
"Can we talk after dinner?" You asked.
You turned your head towards Bob and whispered, careful that the other members of the table wouldn't hear. Bob, who had been half-heartedly been picking fries off of his plate the entire dinner, bit his tongue at the sound of your voice.
"Ow- what? Y-yeah," He said with a polite smile. "We can talk."
You smiled.
"Perfect." You smiled. "It's a date."
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Your footsteps were the first thing he heard.
They were soft, hesitant. As if you had to convince yourself to take another step. You had wrapped your sweater tight around yourself to brace the chill that came with being so high above the ground and all Bob could think was he would warm you up if you let him.
But he'd never say that.
Instead, he braced himself against the railing and greeted you with a wordless smile.
"Hey."
"Hi."
You glanced down at your shoes then back to his face.
Just do it.
"I'm sorry that you had to find out about Bucky and I from Walker." You glanced between Bob and the traffic lights on the street below. His stare, so filled with kindness and care, made your breath catch in your throat. "But it's only because it's one hundred percent in the past. And I... was afraid that you'd look at me differently because of it if you knew."
Bob, usually the victim of low self-confidence, hated the look on you. Not because it made you look weak or worthless, no- but that he wished he could take whatever weight it carried in your body and absorb it into his own. Valentina may have called him the golden god, but you were the shining light that kept him him.
"Why?" He asked. "I could never judge you."
Your eyes locked with his and for a brief moment it was like the rest of the world fell away. You studied the blue in his eyes and the way gold specs floated around in them- as if the power within him was always just beneath the surface, waiting to be unleashed. You took it in. If this all went south, at least you could remember him like that.
"Fuck." You laughed, taking a sudden interest in your shoes. "This sounds so childish, but I really don't know how else to say it..." Wrapping your arms tighter around you to brace the wind, you looked up at him and smiled. "I like you, Bob. Like more than... more than I probably should."
A shiver visibly rattled your body as another gust of wind hit. Rather than suggest that you go inside, Bob laid his hands against your arms, warming them.
"What do you... what do you mean by that?" He asked.
"C'mon, Bob." You sighed, shielding your face in your palms and burying your face into his chest. "You know what I mean. I just look at you and don't even know what to do with myself anymore; and I know I'm supposed to be your friend, but I can't keep pretending that I'm not having a heart attack every time you look at me like that."
A deep sigh shook your frame.
"Anyway just tell me you don't feel the same and I'll forget it." You said, "and we can pretend this never happened."
He could feel his heart shatter in his chest.
He knew the tremble in your voice well. The tone. The complete lack of confidence. It was unfamiliar coming from your lips but he had heard it come from his own every time he opened his mouth. To hear it come from you was not just unfathomable, but heart breaking.
How you could think that way about yourself in comparison to him... he couldn't believe it.
"Don't... don't say that." He said no more than above a whisper. "You're like, just perfect to me."
Bob stepped back, leaving space to get a better look at you. Running his hands up your arms, he reached your cheeks. He cupped your face in his hands, gently as if one wrong move would make his earth shatter, and guided your face up to meet his gaze.
"Look, I'm uh.. I'm not good at this whole... relationship thing..." Bob said, eyes darting from your face to your hair, to the space behind you as the glimmer in your eyes made him nervous. "But I- I feel the same... About you."
He laughed. The same sweet, nervous laugh that followed you into your dreams and gave you a reason to come home; and you felt your heart swell at the familiar smile painted on his face- this time for you.
"Really?"
Your fingers clung to the fabric of his sweater as if you feared that if you let go, it would turn out to just a figment of your imagination.
"Yeah."
Tendrils hung in his eyes as he leaned further, close enough that you could feel the heat radiating off of his skin and and breath fanning your face. When your noses touched, ever so slightly brushing at the tips, you placed your finger against his lips.
Confusion and hurt painted his features until you gestured behind him.
"We have company." You whispered.
Framed by the warm light of the tower behind them, five all-too-familiar figures watched from the doorway.
"Should we be worried about the two most powerful people on the planet being in love?" Ava asked, taking a sip from her glass of wine.
"I'm more worried about the mental stability of their future kids." John deadpanned.
"No!" Alexei argued, slapping his hands against Ava and Walker's backs. "What are you saying? They will make strong babies!" He raised his fist in the air: "And they will be the pride of the New Avengerz!"
"Alexei!" Yelena groaned. "Stop making it weird."
As if Yelena had physically stung him with her words, Alexei's hands flew to his own chest.
"I do not make it weird." He argued. "I am being supportive. How is that weird?"
"They have not even kissed and you are talking about super babies!" Yelena shouted. "You are lucky they cannot hear you."
You called back.
"Oh no, we can hear you!"
Bob pointed to his ears and mouthed: "Super hearing."
Still cradled in Bob's arms, your eyes met Bucky's from across the landing pad. He smiled softly.
"C'mon." Bucky said waving the onlookers inside. "Let's go. Leave them alone."
Waiting until they left your sight, you looked back at Bob and breathed him in. His cheeks had begun to burn a bright pink that was visible even in the dim light of dusk, but he looked at you with eyes that could only be described as love drunk.
"So..." You said, tucking a strand of hair behind his ear. The palm that still laid flat against his chest felt his heart skip a beat. "Where were we?"