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It was late October when Lan Qiren first stepped into the only gay bar he'd ever heard of. It was situated only a few streets away from the apartment that, until quite recently, he'd shared with his two nephews. Strictly speaking, it was still the boys’ home. Their rooms were untouched, and would remain so until they had both moved on to permanent dwellings. Still, it was undeniable that Xichen and Wangji no longer lived with him. As of the start of that school year, they were sharing a flat in a nearby city, paid for by their father, who thought money could compensate for his absence.
Lan Qiren was happy for his nephews. Wangji looked much happier now that he had switched fields, and Xichen appeared to do better as well now that he no longer lived alone. It seemed his friend Mingjue was planning on moving to the same city as well, finding it more convenient for his own school, and both brother liked him well. And it wasn't as though the city in question was terribly far. One hour by car, one and a half by public transport, and the boys could visit their uncle for the weekend, which they'd already done once or twice.
Things were going as well as they could for those two young men.
It was only fair Lan Qiren started taking care of himself as well, now that he had the time.
Compared to what occasional glimpses on television and in movies had led him to expect, the one gay bar Lan Qiren knew of was not the setting for orgy-like dances between young men scantily clad in leather. Part of him was disappointed, but on the whole he found it to be a relief. Orgies had always seemed like messy things to him, and he objected to leather, real or synthetic, for moral reasons.
Instead, the place was much like the few other bars Lan Qiren had visited over the years, a little loud, somehow too bright and too dark at once, and rather crowded for a Thursday night. And yet, there were hints here and there, raunchy pictures of nude men in artistic positions, some unmistakably phallic decorations, and one one wall the reproduction of a painting where two women lingered in bed together.
Lan Qiren sat at the bar, the only place he could find a free sit, and ordered an apple juice from a man older than him. The barman did have a leather cap on. For some reason, Lan Qiren found that detail comforting, as if it meant his imagination hadn't been entirely wrong after all.
It had occurred to him on the way to the bar that he should have done some research online before coming there. Until he'd entered that bar, he hadn't even known for sure that place entertained a specific clientele. He'd just overheard people talking about it at the supermarket long ago, only a year or two after his nephews had come to live with him. At the time, Lan Qiren hadn't thought the information relevant to his own life, and yet he'd stored it in a corner of his mind, and always glanced at the bar when he passed by it.
Had he not had the boys to look after, Lan Qiren might have visited the bar long ago. He'd been in his mid twenties when he'd finally realised why his few attempts at dating women had failed. Xichen had been six, Wangji only three, both living with him because their mother had ran from home and their father refused to compromise to care for them. The boys were distressed enough without adding in their uncle attempting to date. Wangji was a fussy boy anyway, who would never have tolerated babysitters. More importantly, Lan Qiren feared that the boys would be taken from him if he showed preferences that went against societal norms. He'd heard such things happened in divorces. He could not risk it happening to him, to them.
But the boys were grown up now. He really should have thought of them as men, but even in their early twenties they were still his boys. Their father and various other relatives could do nothing to tear them apart from their uncle. It also seemed unlikely that they would be disgusted by his preferences. Lan Qiren had tried to raise them with open minds, though his own education made it difficult to outright discuss such topics. It was owing to that same education that he'd never gotten around to come out to his boys. Unless he found a steady partner, he likely never would. Why make a fuss about such a thing if it never impacted their lives?
But of course, that was part of the reason he'd come to that bar, Lan Qiren mused as he finished his juice and pondered whether he should order another. He was not, by nature, a sociable man, and celibacy had rarely felt like a burden. Still, he had to wonder. If so many people expended so much energy to get partners, it had to be pleasant. If he could only figure out how people actually did that…
“You know, they make some pretty mean mocktails here,” a young man said, sitting on the stool next to Lan Qiren's. “I recommend the virgin mojito. Cheapest one in town, and one of the best as well.”
Surprised to be addressed by anyone, Lan Qiren turned to look at the stranger. He was quite young, around Xichen's age at most, and likely of Chinese origin. He was also handsome, in a boyish sort of way, with the sort of smile people less rigid than Lan Qiren must have found contagious.
Had the man been less young, less pretty, Lan Qiren might have hoped he was being flirted with. But young and pretty men had no reason to be interested in someone like him, whose fifties were only some years away.
“I've never had a mocktail before,” Lan Qiren said.
“Really? Well, there's no time like the present to try something new!”
The young man's grin as he said that convinced Lan Qiren. He ordered the suggested drink, while the stranger had the alcoholic version of it.
“I don't think I've ever seen you here,” the pretty young man said.
“I have never come before.”
The stranger's grin brightened.
“I figured as much. I'd have noticed you.”
It would have made sense indeed. Lan Qiren was not the oldest person in the bar at the moment, but most of the patrons were closer in age to his new acquaintance.
“I take it you are a regular, then?” Lan Qiren asked.
“Something like that. It's a cheap place to drink, and sometimes a hot guy comes along. It's not frequent, though. Most hotties prefer trendier places, so I feel real lucky when someone interesting steps in.”
And instead, that night, an awkward old man had entered. That boy must have been truly bored to come speak to him.
“I'm not one for trendy places,” Lan Qiren said. “Besides, it's important to support local businesses. They are the soul of a neighbourhood.”
“Trendy is sooo overrated,” the young man agreed, his half-ponytail bobbing along as he enthusiastically nodded. “I can't say I'm really local though. I'm from the other side of town, but I like it better here. People are nicer, you know?”
“There is a strong sense of community,” Lan Qiren agreed. “It takes a lot of work. We have a few local associations that…”
He interrupted himself when their drinks were finally brought. Lan Qiren's pleased him well enough, and it seemed his new companion was equally satisfied.
“Thank you for the recommendation. I will have that again in the future, I think.”
The young man grinned, as if it particularly pleased him to hear that.
“You should try the others too, there's some fun things. I'm Huaisang, by the way.”
Had there been any doubt left, the name confirmed Lan Qiren's impression that the young man was Chinese, or at least his family was. Judging by his age and general attitude he must have grown locally, but that was not surprising. The city had a large immigrant community. On legal paper the young man likely had a more local first name, just like Lan Qiren's nephews did, just like many people their age, but Huaisang certainly had a nice sound to it.
“I'm Qiren. I teach in university.”
“No way you're a teacher!” Huaisang gasped with theatrical shock. “You're way too fit for that. What do you teach?”
“Chinese literature. I've been told it's boring, but it's my life's passion. I do try to stay active as well, though. A healthy body means a healthy mind. And what do you do?”
Huaisang grimaced, stuck out his tongue, and dismissively waved his hand in a matter of seconds.
“Law school,” he explained. “My father is a lawyer. My brother will be one too in a year or two. You know how it is, I had a choice between law and medicine.”
“I know indeed. My older brother is a surgeon. My father wanted me to be one as well, but I do not like the sight of blood, and you see less of it when teaching.”
“Just less?” Huaisang teased. “I feel there's a story there.”
“Multiple stories,” Lan Qiren confirmed. “Most of them quite boring.”
“Well, it's a slow evening and I'm a good listener,” Huaisang retorted as he elegantly tucked a strand of hair behind his ear. “Come on, what's the worst thing that has happened in one of your classes? If you want, I'll trade you for a story of my own. Law students are insane.”
It would have taken a stronger man to resist being asked this way, and Lan Qiren couldn't deny it was nice to talk with someone friendly. He was more used to distant respect, a side effect of his reserved personality and expressionless face, or so he'd been told. But Huaisang was warm and bubbly, laughing in spite of his flat delivery, asking for more stories, showing apparent interest in his job.
By the time he started talking about his volunteering to help illiterate youths and adults, Lan Qiren realised he'd monopolised the conversation. A bad habit of his, though he was usually more careful to let others speak. He tried to give Huaisang a chance to speak, if only to hear those stories of wild law students he'd been half promised. And yet before he knew it, Huaisang had avoided his questions and gotten him to speak about something else instead.
Lan Qiren's first instinct was to insist and get some answers out of that handsome young man. But that was only the teacher in him speaking, used to dealing with boys that age desperate to dissimulate their ignorance. Huaisang was not his student. He owed Lan Qiren no answers. And perhaps, in spite of the confidence and joy he displayed, Huaisang had reasons to avoid sharing too much about himself. Anyone coming to a bar like that one had something to fear, even if the world wasn't as cruel as it had once been.
Even if Huaisang kept his life to himself, he was a pleasant person to talk to. Lan Qiren couldn't remember the last time he enjoyed chatting that way. And yet, it had to come to an end. In spite of pushing himself out of his comfort zone to come to that bar, Lan Qiren remained the person he was. At a certain hour he became too tired to say more than two words without fighting the need to yawn.
It was embarrassing. All the more so because Lan Qiren did not want that conversation to end, one-sided as it was. The second time a yawn escaped him, Huaisang giggled.
“Gege, am I boring you?” he playfully asked.
“I should be asking that,” Lan Qiren retorted. “But I have been up since five this morning, and I fear I must go home and sleep or I'll soon collapse.”
In response to that statement, Huaisang pouted in a manner Lan Qiren could only qualify as cute, rare as that adjective was for him.
“Well, I can hardly keep you here if that's your argument!” he complained, in such a tone it seemed to imply Lan Qiren was tired only to spite him. “But now I have to wonder if you plan on visiting this bar again in the future?”
It was something Lan Qiren had wondered upon initially arriving. His coming there in the first place had been intended as an experiment. The results had not been bad. He might not have been approached by anyone holding amorous intentions, but he'd never really expected that to happen considering his age. Instead he apparently made an acquaintance, and that was not to be dismissed.
“I will likely return, yes,” Lan Qiren said. “Provided I can hope to find company as pleasant as I did tonight.”
“And would you return on the same day? Or would you rather come during a weekend night perhaps, so you've not been up so early and can stay longer?”
The question sounded almost flirty, but Lan Qiren had to be imagining things. A young man as attractive and charming as Huaisang would have had no reason to flirt with him. As for the answer he should give, Lan Qiren again had to give it some thought.
“Weekends are not a convenient time for me to go out,” he explained, thinking of his nephews who still liked to come home. “I will try to come the same day next week. I have no classes on Friday mornings, so this is most convenient for me.”
“I do have classes on Fridays, but it's just lectures and nobody checks attendance, so I've never gone,” Huaisang cheerfully said. “Just don't tell my dad and brother, or I'll be scolded,” he playfully added, cocking his head to the side. “And then they won't let me go out on Thursdays and what a shame it would be when I really, really want to chat with you again.”
This time, Lan Qiren was certain a flirtation was intended. Even he couldn't have missed it, when the handsome young man sitting next to him made it so obvious. It was flattering, and certainly not unwelcome. Had Lan Qiren been a few years younger, had he not already had such a long day…
“Then I will definitely arrange things to be here again next Thursday,” Lan Qiren said. “I would hate to disappoint, after all.”
The way Huaisang grinned at that answer made Lan Qiren feel a good twenty years younger, tempting him to change his mind and stay a little longer, or even invite this charming stranger to follow him home. But he really was tired, and logically would be bad company if he did either.
Strange, then, that doing the logical thing by going home alone felt so unsatisfactory.
Well, Lan Qiren thought as he left the bar, there was always next Thursday to look forward to.