Chapter Text
May 9th 2015
Dear diary,
Today I talked to some of the BFDIA contestants. A lot of them
reluctantly excepted my help. Sometimes baffles me why they hate me so much.
I know I stole dream Island but sometimes it just feels like they hate my guts. None of them even talk about dream island anymore. It just feels like they hate me for me. I guess that’s an improvement, or maybe not.I suppose the feeling’s from the incident stuck.
But in the end their trivial contests and opinions are no big deal. I always have my mind somewhere else. Someone else.
His warm tender heart, and blazing hot outsides. Everything about him amazes me. Yet, we haven’t talked in literal years, 3 by my count. I thought he forgave me, that we meant more than some stupid island or competition.
I never felt the same way I did around him as I did with anyone. Back when we weren’t so close I still looked forward to seeing him. Raving to have him on my team. He was always my first choice. Then we got closer; constantly beating him at tic-tac-toe, Talking, going on Farris wheels.
It was even more than that though, the connection we had was indescribable. So I might as well not try. All I know is that is was really something special.
I still value it, everything we had, everything we have. after Firey recovered me, maybe he does too? It’s so hard to tell if he still cares about anything we used to have, or would he just rather to act like he never met me. Slowly walking away from the HPRC. Would it be better to keep distance. Would it be safer to keep the crazy metal lady out of your life, probably.
I just wish he would show me some decency. I lost so much and now everyone just looks at me with disgust. Was any of this really worth this?
One day he’ll come back to me. One day we’ll see each other again and he’ll look at me with love and admiration, just like he used to. I’ll try my best to make him proud until then.