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It has to be his sixth energy drink of the week, and it’s only eight in the morning on Tuesday.
Toge hates 8am classes. He cracks open the top of his Red Bull, nearly cutting his fingers in the tired effort, and fumbles with it until he gets a good enough grasp to bring it to his mouth and chug. It tastes like the shitty sunlight that’s creeping in the weird ceiling windows the wrong way that he’s not allowed to soak up. That and spite.
“You might want to slow down a little,” Yuuta warns from the other side of the table. “Did you catch the anemia part?”
Toge doesn’t stop drinking, but turns his head so he can glare at Yuuta around the can. He wants to get as much of this radioactive fizz into his blood as fast as possible. All they talk about is anemia. This is our second to last ever session of this class, he tries to remind Yuuta with daggers from his eyes. Don’t talk to me.
It’s not like he isn’t trying at all. He’s got his notebook splayed out on the table in front of him, and he hasn’t even put his feet up on the opposite chair yet today. And he does learn, sometimes, but there’s only so much that Toge can take away from Nutrition & Wellness that he a) did not already know and b) actually cares enough to apply to his own life. They had to do some three-day calorie tracking assignment earlier in the semester; the Red Bulls looked real nice on there to balance out all the onigiri.
But he’s definitely not giving it his best focus, either. He’s listening, sort of, but his eyes aren’t glued to the projected hand-written lecture the professor is presenting. Seriously, can’t the guy learn how to use PowerPoint or something? No, Toge’s looking at his computer instead and glances up only on rare occasion. He doesn’t have the brainpower for an RPG right now, but Tetris is still pretty fun.
The professor says something about what a baby’s birth weight is supposed to be, and Toge gives his notes a brief parse-through to ensure he had written that down last week, because the professor has highlighted it every day for several class sessions in a row.
“Don’t memorise this,” the professor says as he goes on. “Don’t memorise this. Or this.”
Okay, Toge thinks, that’s easy. He turns his gaze back to his computer and slots another neon block into place.
Yuuta had given him grief once, some overly optimistic schpeel, about how they were ‘paying to be here’ and Toge ‘should focus on getting those good grades’ after he found out—not for the first time, but concretely—that Toge spent Tuesday and Thursday mornings playing video games on his computer during class.
“Yuuta,” Toge had said in his most serious tone, a deadpan look on his face. He’d signed the rest with rigid motions. “I can’t express how much I do not need to pay as much attention in this class as you think I do.”
Now Toge licks the remnants of tropical waste off his lips and glances across to where Yuuta sits caddy corner to him, also, by choice, not fully paying attention.
Intriguing isn’t quite the right word for it, but there’s something about Yuuta in these moments that makes Toge really ponder how someone like him exists. He knows Yuuta’s got some fantasy manga up on his screen, because he’s got his eyes fixed on his computer too, eyes wide with interest, and there’s literally almost drool dripping from his slack mouth.
Then the professor calls, “Okkotsu,” and Yuuta sits up and blinks to attention so fast it’s like someone shoved a stiff straight A student pole up his ass.
Toge doesn’t get it, how he can sit there with whatever split brain shit he’s got going on that lets him pay complete attention to both things at once. Then again, he supposes he’s not much better.
Yuuta dutifully answers the question, then continues acting like a good little teacher’s pet for a few minutes, twisting around in his seat to view the projector screen, furrowing his forehead in concentration. It’s stupid, and adorable, and completely meaningless.
Rewarding achievement sounds play through the singular earbud Toge’s got in as he smashes through one level and continues wracking up points. It’s layered over tinny music with a heavy guitar line, Radiohead or something like that, but he’s much more responsive to the sounds of the game, and the music is more like a dull drone. Toge’s brain flips for a few moments to what Yuuta with his to-be degree in psychology would have to say about the way Toge could unfortunately, totally, one hundred percent be clicker trained like a dog.
That thought shoots right out of his brain when suddenly it’s his turn with the straight A student pole.
“Let me do this,” he hears and doesn’t hear the professor say, but he reacts very distinctly on the inside when he hears his name. “Inumaki.”
Toge somehow manages to appear calm when he turns to face the prof and awaits the next question. But inside, he’s shouting, What the fuck?
This is it. Professor Nakamura is losing it, breaking down in the middle of their second to last class of the semester before the final. He’s supposed to go around the room. He hit up Toge two questions ago, forced him to answer that it was the rectum that sat behind the uterus, and so one of the potential downsides of pregnancy was constipation. Then he’d asked Yuuta whatever it was just a minute ago, and now he was back to Toge. He wasn’t supposed to do that. He always went around the room in order, from the people behind Toge, to Toge and Yuuta, to the people at the next table—he wasn’t supposed to go backwards. Did he fucking forget? Damn it. Now Toge has to reset his ‘minutes required to spend playing a goodie two-shoes after being asked a question’ timer.
And he has to reset it again soon after that, too, because the professor chooses to direct the next question to him as well.
“Inumaki,” the prof calls over again, “let’s say you’re pregnant.”
Well, that’s a new one. Toge blinks at him calmly and in his head says, okay. What if I kick your teeth in? He’s pretty sure he’s officially tapped out for whatever the rest of the hypothetical is.
When the professor dips back into lecture and less of quizzing the class, or rather, grilling the table, Toge wastes no time ripping a corner of paper out of his notebook and scribbling on it to pass along to Yuuta. Has he just given up on the rest of the class? he writes, then slides it over with as much discretion as possible.
Yuuta casts him back a sympathetic look and a shrug. Usually they’d be okay to chat with Yuuta speaking aloud in a quiet voice, but this time he just mouths his words. Just bear with it, I guess. Only one more day after this, right?
Fighting the urge to roll his eyes instead, Toge narrows his eyes at him and then sucks down another drink of Red Bull.
Much to his disappointment, the caffeine still needs time to kick in, and once the pregnancy-directed interrogation stops and he gets bored of Tetris, Toge starts to doze off a little. He leans back in his seat, the sunlight teasing him by kissing the back of his neck, and doesn’t quite notice his eyes close until the whole class shuffles awake and Yuuta taps the table to stir him.
He got tricked into taking an 8am, he swears. And it’s not really his fault if the caffeine keeps him up later, and he only slept for four hours last night before he was forcibly removed from his bed by stupid loud Panda banging into every object in their room that wasn’t tied down, and then every single wall—
The same gritty pop song is still playing in Toge’s ear when his eyes flutter open again. He sucks in a breath, reaches over to pack up his notebook and pencil and highlighter and computer, and pauses to sign to Yuuta. “Oh, my gods. Over at last?”
“For now,” Yuuta answers with a light laugh that is not hiding his pain very well. “We’re so close, though. I’m really looking forward to spending more time with you over the summer.”
Maybe if he hadn’t tacked on that last bit, Toge would have responded with another gripe about wanting to throw himself off the roof of the science building. But something in Yuuta’s tone, so genuine and warm, catches him off guard and placates him. That might be why he stays behind with Yuuta, still a little dazed, and leans against the table with his bag of bricks slung over one shoulder as Yuuta stays behind to ask the professor a follow-up question about hormones. He even listens rather intently to the prof’s long-winded answer.
It’s not even like it should come as a surprise, hearing Yuuta say things like that. They’re boyfriends.
Jesus, he really could be trained like a dog. If Yuuta Okkotsu wrapped LSD in a piece of cheese and told Toge it was a little treat, he would eat it without hesitation.
To drive the nail in on the boyfriends point, Yuuta reaches out and brushes his knuckles against the cuff of Toge’s sleeve in question, and Toge answers him by grabbing hold and intertwining their fingers. They walk in silence through the not-too-crowded hallway for a few minutes, their footsteps echoing on the tile, and Toge’s glad no one at this school gives them shit for holding hands in public.
“Are you hungry?” Yuuta pulls his student ID out of his back pocket as they approach the cluster of vending machines in the lounge that divides one area of classrooms from another. He glances back at Toge with one raised eyebrow. “I know you didn’t eat breakfast.”
“Not true,” Toge mutters, not really feeling like he wants to let go of Yuuta’s hand yet to sign. “Protein bar.”
“Is that all?” Yuuta’s expression doesn’t change. Well, maybe there’s a little more playfulness to the glint in his eyes. He’s already swiping his ID card in the vending machine. “All right, what do you want?”
For a moment, Toge tries, he really does, to study the array of snacks and drinks and whatnot stacked up behind the plexiglass walls in front of him. He pretends his eyes aren’t glazing over. “You pick,” he sighs at last. “Surprise me.”
“Close your eyes, then. “
Dutifully, Toge obliges.
A series of beeps and rustling ensues, followed by a clunk and the crinkle of a wrapper of some sorts. A snack then, Toge rations, and is proud of himself even though there are literally like two options for packaging in these things. He waits as Yuuta fiddles with the snack, and when he says “Open,” Toge reaches up to take his mask off with one hand and opens his mouth wide.
He is not expecting the long, soft, tube-shaped thing that enters his mouth to brush past his lips and slide across his tongue.
The shock on his face must be visible, because he opens his eyes in alarm to find Yuuta laughing at him as he holds the peeled-back form of a banana up for Toge to eat.
Toge, as revenge or something, bites down with two much force and almost cuts his lip with his own teeth. He shakes his hand free of Yuuta’s and signs clumsily, “Where were you keeping this? Where are my chips?”
“You needed something healthier,” Yuuta admonishes. “Did you finish your whole drink during class?”
Looking around blankly, Toge realises he must have recycled the Red Bull can on his way out of class, and he hopes it was empty. He paid for that. But he must have, because now he’s kind of starting to feel the sluggish hit of the positively nuclear caffeine. His body is used to it, for the most part, but he can tell his heart rate has picked up, and the effects might be contributing to the shakiness of his sign language.
The real dead giveaway, though, is the way his vision blurs when he looks up at Yuuta after swallowing the chunk of banana that had been so rudely forced into his mouth even though he’d consented and yada yada—he looks up and sees a goddamn angel.
Toge feels dizzy, all of a sudden. The sun must have risen enough to cast its rich rays through the side windows in the hallway, because Yuuta is dusted gold and gorgeous, and Toge’s mouth is still open when he blinks at him and sways a little on his feet.
“You okay?” Yuuta slides a hand against the side of Toge’s head and scratches lightly, supporting the weight of his skull.
Toge breathes in and lets out a sigh of contentment and nods. “I love you,” he says out loud, still staring.
Blushing but not exactly surprised, Yuuta blinks back, and a goofy smile spreads across his lips. “I love you, too. What are you thinking about?”
He’s still got the banana in his hand, and Toge takes it from him and takes another bite, chewing willingly before he says anything else. He will eat the whole banana, he decides, and maybe that will make Yuuta a little more amenable to his requests and his whims. They stay standing by the vending machines, out of the way enough, as Toge eats, and he must have a really thoughtful look on his face, because Yuuta waits patiently for him to finish, watching him with those big doe eyes he always gets when he’s watching and paying attention to Toge and only Toge.
Toge wanders a few steps away to drop the banana peel in a trash bin when he’s done, and he saunters back to Yuuta with hands at the ready to spell out his appeal.
“Let’s go to McDonald’s,” Toge suggests.
There’s the surprise Yuuta deserves to express. His eyes widen a little, and he draws his shoulders back. “It’s 9:30 in the morning,” he points out. He laughs again, beautiful and sweet, and pats Toge on the side of the head. “Maybe you should take a nap before we decide to leave campus. How’s that caffeine hit working out for you?”
Oh, now he’s teasing. Toge frowns. Now he regrets eating the whole banana.
“I’m fine,” he insists, even though his hands slip a little when they shouldn’t. He reaches out to take Yuuta’s hand again, not bothering to ask first, and tugs him along down the hallway.
“Where are we going?” Yuuta asks, amusement in his tone.
Toge shoots him a look like, I just told you.
“Hey, wait.” Yuuta uses their connection to leverage him a little, squeezing gently and drawing Toge back against the wall to let other students pass by before he can take another step. He’s grinning like a fool, but he’s got a weird mischievous—or maybe fond, Toge’s not really sure he can tell this early in the morning—glimmer in his eyes. “Listen. I’ll take you to McDonald’s for dinner, but let’s focus on academics first, okay? I’ve got another class, remember.”
Oh. Right. This is the hour where Yuuta disappears down the long, dark hallway to do his psych nerd shit—what class is he in right now, that depravity test one?—while Toge hovers in a corner of the lounge outside Yuuta’s classroom to work on his compsci homework. Or play more Tetris.
He makes a face, even though this is their routine twice a week, and haphazardly signs something about how psychology probably doesn’t matter anyway and Yuuta should just skip and sit with him instead. It would be really nice if he could pass the next two hours with his head on Yuuta’s shoulder and another energy drink in his hand, or they could find an unlocked supply closet in this maze of a building and—
The next two hours are kind of torture. The whole day is, really. He sits in his corner and then they go out and sit on the lawn for lunch and eat stupid onigiri and boil under the heat of the sun and chat about everything and nothing. Toge decides to annoy, I mean text, Maki after that. They meet up in the library to study, and it’s not like he hates her, but it’s not as great leaning into her shoulder when she runs so much hotter than Yuuta. In between bursts of studying for his course finals—because it’s finals week in like two days, and he hates that he has to entertain the thought—while Maki is trapped in eight-to-ten-page-paper hell, he lets her play with his hair for kicks. She does it up in some weird half ponytail topknot thing that his hair isn’t long enough for, then sits with his shoes off and legs crossed up on the seat and his eyes closed as she carefully removes the plastic ties. They leave all their shit to save their booth when they head out to get sodas, or Red Bulls, from the café, and the cold liquid on Toge’s tongue is a welcome relief from whatever seems to be wrong with the air-conditioning this time.
He almost wishes he had another class on Tuesdays. Almost. He’s not quite that masochistic.
Still, he’s kind of pondering the idea of curling up into a ball and dying when he finally presses the submit button on one of his longer assignments and scrapes over a few more pencil lines in his notebook with a radiant blue highlighter. He listens to Maki gripe, his hand slips when he goes to plug his computer in because it decides to die before him and he bangs his knuckles on the wall, and then he sits up and slumps over her arm and jeers at her as he points out all her mistakes.
He’s unconscious when Yuuta apparently comes to join them.
Soft voices drift in and out around him, and it takes him a few minutes to come to out of the cold, dark sleep he’d somehow fallen into. But when he stretches his arms out on the surface of the table, ignoring the pieces of paper he hits on the other side, he heads feels strangely clearer than it did earlier. Huh. Maybe Yuuta was right and he did just need a nap.
“Heyyy, look who’s up,” comes the unflinchingly unwelcome voice of his roommate.
Toge groans and tilts his gaze upwards just long enough to take in the sight of Panda’s grin and Yuuta’s nod of acknowledgment as they both pause their studies to meet his eyes. Then he lets his face smash against the table again and gets his phone out of his pocket.
[yuuta 16:09] where’s everybody at?
[maki 16:14] library 4th floor
[panda 16:14] hell yessssss party
[maki 16:15] I’m working actually and toge’s passed out cold so don’t come if you’re bringing chaos
[yuuta 16:18] still good! be there soon :)
[toge 17:42] why didn’t anyone wake me
“You obviously needed the rest, loser.” Maki’s hand comes down out of the great unknown to ruffle his hair an obnoxious amount.
She must have finished her report, because when Toge sits up to stretch his back out, she’s lounging on the booth seat next to him instead of all scrunched up and leaning into her computer like she was doing earlier. She’s taken her glasses off, too, and she’s visibly more relaxed. Damn, Toge wishes he could feel like that.
All he can do for the time being is lean back in his seat and watch Yuuta patiently, and he’s not sure why exactly, but there’s something interesting about the way Yuuta closes his computer and notebook in silence and begins to gather up his collection of coloured pens, all while sending Toge suspicious periodic glances, like he’s waiting for him to do something.
“You ready to go?” Yuuta asks at last as he slips his study materials into his backpack for the second time Toge’s seen that day. An expectant, content, and maybe even hopeful look lights up his face. “Or do you need a few minutes still?”
Toge stares at him, his shoulders slumped over, hands tucked between his knees. “Go where?”
The world seems to end for a fraction of a second as Yuuta’s face falls. But it’s not sadness Yuuta expresses now; no, he stares back at Toge with a deadpan expression of incredulousness and disappointment.
“McDonald’s,” Yuuta says slowly.
Something must go very wrong with whatever look is on Toge’s face, because there’s a split second of perfect, utter silence… and then Maki and Panda burst into laughter like a couple of cruel freaks. They splutter over their homework, duck their heads to cover their mouths with their hands, and their antics even get Yuuta giggling, which is totally unfair, especially when he’s still giving off the vibe of wanting to take Toge to get his head checked out instead of through a fast food drive thru to get chicken nuggets and orange juice.
“Did you seriously forget about asking Yuuta to take you to McDonald’s?” Maki stammers out, sucking in what few breaths she can get while fighting so hard to torture her dearest friend. “I knew you were out of it today, but I didn’t—then again, maybe even you asking that in the first place—”
“Stop, time out,” Toge signs quickly, erratically, snapping out of it long enough to bite back at her. “Why do you know about me asking Yuuta to take me to McDonald’s? Is this some sort of joke?”
“Toge.” Panda’s face is so twisted he might have been choking instead of laughing. “You’re looking at him like you’ve never been to McDonald’s in your entire fucking life. If we didn’t remember for you, what would you do?”
“Whatever Yuuta tells me to.”
The silence breaks again like the smashing of a champagne bottle to celebrate the inauguration of Toge’s new brain, completely free of all premeditative thought.
“Listen—” He starts, his hands slipping around the simple word. “That sounded better in my head—”
But he’s already lost their collective attention; they’re not even looking, so he just gives up and throws his hands into the air, exasperated, before they slap down into his lap.
While Thing One and Thing Two have their faces buried in their arms on the tabletop, though, Yuuta remains more or less focused on Toge. His eyes are a little glassy and faraway, but he’s got the weirdest look on his face, like Toge is a specimen he wants to study. He is, in fact, doing just that. Kind of shamelessly. But Toge can’t tell in what way. Yuuta’s got this quirk in his lip, not a smile, but not anything else distinct, either, and he’s gone rosy in the cheeks.
Toge’s bag has been packed for a while—he’s pretty sure he shoved all his belongings away out of spite once he’d turned in a couple assignments—and now he drags it with him as he stands abruptly.
“Yes,” he snaps out loud. “I’m ready.”
Yuuta seems to blink back to life, his eyes and body reanimating. He rolls back his shoulders and stands smoothly to position himself at Toge’s side without missing a beat. Like nothing even happened. He offers Toge a small, polite smile and tilts his head fondly. “All right, let’s go then!”
The others still have their heads down and are trying to catch their breath, gods know what was in their water today, but they still manage to drag themselves up enough to crow out jeers of “Have fun~” and “Have him home by eleven!”
Outside on the main lawn is much more peaceful than in the library, which seems contradictory, especially when the weather outside is so nice. There are a few people laid out on picnic blankets, and a few playing frisbee here and there, but Toge figures he won’t get hit by any rogue IFOs (Identified Flying Objects, because he naturally assumes that anything that hits him in the face on a college campus in the early summer is 90% guaranteed to be a frisbee, or a volleyball). Even if something does come at him, Yuuta is tall and strong and fast and will put himself between Toge and the path of danger, then catch the frisbee out of thin air and chuck it back at its wielders. Or it’ll just decapitate him, which would be less ideal, but it would still mean Toge would be safe.
Nothing hits him, but they realise pretty quickly that there is a minor problem.
Toge slips his hands out of his pockets and gestures ahead of them. “Babe, wake up. New giant unavoidable sprinkler just dropped.”
“Oh, shit.” Yuuta stops in his tracks and ponders the issue. Toge follows suit, and at first, he turns to peer patiently up at Yuuta, then shakes himself out of it and focuses forward again. He’s way too whipped to actually be in a relationship, he swears.
“What do you want to do?” Yuuta glances around for an alternative route. “We could go the long way around, or…”
Antsy on his feet all of a sudden, Toge stares down the sprinkler. He really doesn’t want to go through it, but he also really wants to get the fuck out of here, partially because he feels like the longer he stays, the stronger the gravitational pull binding him to the nearest Red Bull-stocked vending machine will become, and he knows Yuuta will be sorely disappointed in him if he consumes another energy drink this late.
With resignation and an irritating bitter taste in his mouth, because he knows all the other reasons he wants to get out of here too, and Yuuta doesn’t, and if anyone else did he would never hear the end of it from their friends, and in that case maybe they should just break up now, and it would be easier on Toge’s poor heart. He bites his tongue, bears his teeth in the face of partial defeat, and shakes his head.
“No, let’s just barrel through. It’s faster.”
Yuuta glances at him out of the corner of the eye, but except for murmuring a quick, “You sure?” he shrugs and takes a step forward. “All right. We’re going to get pretty wet, though.”
Toge doesn’t answer, but he does hold his hand out until Yuuta takes it so they can go down together properly.
“Ready,” Yuuta says, “and, go!”
They run together, Toge’s muscles tense and actions hesitance, but Yuuta holds tight and doesn’t let go, refuses to let him fall behind. He probably gets less wet that way than if he were left to brave it on his own. But he does keep his hand splayed in front of his face as best he can the whole time through, his head bowed.
In contrast, Yuuta seems to embrace the rush of the water on his cheeks, tickling his eyelashes, clinging to his hair. He laughs freely as they make it to the other side, and only once they’re past it does the beam of the sprinkler decide to retreat in the other direction.
“That was fun,” Yuuta says, and even though that’s a stupid thing to say about getting absolutely surface soaked in a matter of five seconds, and he’s starting to sound like an NPC in some respects, he’s still really pretty, and he sweeps his damp hair out of his face and back like this overdramatic cinematic shot that makes Toge weak in the knees.
“McDonald’s,” he reminds Yuuta, even though it’s barely been a minute. He’s reminding himself, too, because coming back to him now, as he sees Yuuta like that. He tugs on Yuuta’s hand and points in the direction of the parking lot.
“I’m going, I’m going.” Yuuta pats him on the arm to reassure him. He gets the keys out of his pocket just to prove he’s thinking ahead, and Toge only hopes he doesn’t drop them and lose them forever with how he swings the chain around one finger. This dumbass.
He can’t find the unlock button fast enough despite being prepared, though, apparently. Toge reaches the car first and brushes up against the pollen-stained baby blue metal as he shoulders past the adjacent car to get to the passenger side door. He grabs the handle and tugs on it about twelve times before Yuuta finally gets the car to open.
They clamber in at once, and it feels weird at first, because Toge doesn’t remember the last time he was in a car. They go places, sure, but more often than not it’s on public transportation, or they walk. But they need the car this time. It feels more intimate, better, and they deserve some quiet time alone, just the two of them.
Quiet. Toge turns the word over in his head and wonders what it means to Yuuta.
“You know,” Yuuta adds, like he could read Toge’s mind. Knowing him, that probably is a skill in his arsenal, and he’s just too soft to put it to use most of the time. (But that’s metaphorical, of course, Toge thinks. Maybe?) “It’s been a while since I’ve been out like this. And I don’t know when it last was I went out to eat, like, casually.”
Okay, less like an NPC, but he could have walked out of a video game and started spouting this funky nostalgic shit and Toge wouldn’t have blinked that hard. Yuuta’s getting weird over McDonald’s.
“Do you remember our first date?” Yuuta asks as they pull out onto the main road. He glances once over at Toge, then back at the road, then back again when it seems he didn’t get a good enough look the first time, or is just waiting for Toge to answer quickly.
Oh, gods, he’s getting sentimental. Over a trip to McDonald’s during pre-finals week. He must be more tired than Toge thought.
Or he’s going to propose. On the way to McDonald’s. Or in the parking lot. Fuck.
He doesn’t really feel like chatting now that his heart is crawling up to his throat, but Yuuta can’t pay attention to his hands while he’s driving, so Toge sighs and pulls his mask off. No one else can see him right now, anyway. It gives him a second to think and squint suspiciously in Yuuta’s direction.
“Why are you reminiscing all of a sudden?” There’s an edge of caution to his tone that he doesn’t really mean, and he draws back and adds, pointlessly, “Like…”
“Oh, I’m asking because I seriously don’t remember.” Yuuta leans into the wheel and flips his blinker to get into the other lane. “I feel like it was something silly like this, and I was wondering if you knew.”
“Yuuta,” Toge says, such force in his voice he almost messes up Yuuta’s merge and for a second they might even die. They don’t, though, obviously. Yuuta’s too cool to drive in basic traffic. But Toge’s got his attention now, even while his eyes are still on the road. “I will never see you taking me to McDonald’s as silly.”
Yuuta doesn’t seem to know whether to laugh or get nervous. He pumps the breaks just enough that he can steady the wheel before they go off the road. Okay, maybe he would die in traffic if Toge distracted him enough.
“That was like, the most words I’ve heard you say at once in a while,” he points out with a thoughtful hum. “Twelve, I think. Isn’t going to McDonald’s inherently silly?”
Toge rolls his shoulders back and slumps in his seat. Another sigh escapes him as he fiddles with his phone and texts something out. “We’re college students,” says the cell phone reader. “We’re supposed to do things made for five- to ten-year-old children.”
Now Yuuta does laugh, but it still sounds strained. “Didn’t mean to scare you off like that. But okay, sure. That makes sense. The colouring sheets during orientation…”
“The people camping outside the door in endless lines for Build-a-Bear,” Toge types.
“Don’t forget the bouncy houses.”
“And breakfast for dinner.”
Scare him off? Sure Toge was getting a little jumpy a minute ago over the stupid and outrageous idea of Yuuta proposing to him in the pre-finals week of their last term of their junior year of college in a fucking McDonald’s parking lot, but he may be about to eat his words. Who does he think Toge is, anyway?
Toge shifts in his seat and pretends not to cast longing glances in Yuuta’s direction. He shouldn’t even be allowed to have a boyfriend, really, and definitely not Yuuta. But he’s lucky for it, too.
Finally, at the beginning of the end of a very long day, they pull up in front of McDonald’s, and Yuuta eases off the gas pedal. “You wanna go inside, or just drive thru and eat in the car or something?”
Toge types faster than he ever has before. “Eat in the car,” reads the phone in its obnoxious monotone fake sounding but surprisingly still real voice. He points out a spot away from the door and other vehicles, under the shade of a nice oak tree, and stays firm even when Yuuta expresses his confusion.
He doesn’t argue, though. Dutifully, Yuuta pulls into the selected parking space and starts to turn the car off. The ‘do whatever you say’ thing goes both ways, sometimes, which often works in Toge’s favour. “Didn’t you just say you want to drive through? Why are we parking—”
He looks so good. He’s right there. He brushes his hair out of his eyes again and his gym-toned arm slides out in front of the view of the low-hanging oak branches behind him, and Toge’s out of it, and he’s had too many Red Bulls, he knows, but Yuuta has always been drop-dead gorgeous, and he doesn’t want him to propose, but they’re not anywhere close to breaking up, either.
This is Toge Inumaki’s boyfriend. And Toge can’t take it anymore. His blood is literally glowing. His body fizzes from the inside out.
He unbuckles his seatbelt and reaches over to undo Yuuta’s, too, because that’s not too intimate in terms of what they’re used to. Then he props himself up out of his seat and steps over the centre console to sit down on Yuuta’s lap. Facing him. Now this is getting a little more intimate.
“Whoa,” Yuuta stammers, all the breath audibly gone from his lungs at once. His face goes bright red. “This—I thought we were—?”
“Shut up,” Toge mumbles, and then his tongue is in Yuuta’s mouth.
Yuuta tenses up for just a second, and then he puts his hands on Toge’s waist, and every muscle in his body relaxes at once. He melts like putty in his seat. It’s a good thing he’s got the seat, in fact, to keep him in place, because Toge’s already driving his head back into it with how forcefully he kisses him. His knees straddle Yuuta’s hips. Yuuta’s lips are so soft, and pliant, and he bends to Toge’s every will and whim. Toge puts a hand on his cheek, and he leans into it. His head turns perfectly so that their lips can slot together a little nicer. Toge doesn’t give him any room to breathe, and Yuuta doesn’t complain.
He doesn’t want to think about Nutrition & Wellness right now. He doesn’t want to think about food. He just wants to consume this moment, only this.
One hand snakes up the back of his shirt. Delicate fingers trace the outline of his vertebrae. It’s slow and lazy, and it urges Toge on. Tingles travel up and down his back. It feels like encouragement, and Toge bucks his hips a little, the friction between his thighs welcome. A rush goes through his head. He feels dizzy.
A million other things Yuuta could and has done to him go through his head, and Toge kisses him harder, if that’s even possible.
He wants to consume Yuuta. He wants to taste him in every way, crush their faces together until they both turn blue. Accidentally, or on purpose, it’s not certain, his teeth ever so slightly graze Yuuta’s bottom lip. He feels him stiffen beneath him, his neck tensing up, and then he relaxes again with a stifled sigh into Toge’s mouth. The back of his head drags a little against the headrest and his hair goes frizzy.
Toge goes temporarily insane. He closes his eyes tight and runs his tongue along that bottom lip until he’s practically lapping at it. He can’t feel anything else before the heady pants that fill his chest, and Yuuta’s below him. Shit, he wants him below him. Properly.
Toge reaches down to find the lever so he can recline the seat—
Before he can get there, though, Yuuta moves one hand swiftly to the back of his head and holds him in place, moving him closer by force. Toge stops licking just in time for Yuuta’s mouth to lock onto his again in a long, languid kiss. It’s so hot it almost short-circuits his brain.
“Hold still,” Yuuta commands softly. He reaches after Toge’s hand to intertwine their fingers again, keeping him from adjusting the seat. Holding him in place even without the verbal instruction.
Muscles in his own body that Toge didn’t know were tense start to unwind at Yuuta’s touch. Yuuta’s fingers run through his hair and stroke the back of his neck, once again tracing his spine. Toge barely feels the need to chase after him as Yuuta pulls away, not when Yuuta is touching him so nicely in other places. A thin string of saliva draws out between them as his tongue is removed from Yuuta’s mouth.
He waits patiently, blinking with owlish eyes as Yuuta throws his head back against the seat and breathes for a minute. His face is flushed, and so is his throat, and it would be so easy for Toge to lean in and open his mouth and…
Yuuta lets go of his hand in order to sling his own arm in front of his mouth, maybe to hide his blush, or protect himself from Toge’s teeth. To block him from kissing him again, even. Rude.
“Toge,” Yuuta mumbles into his skin soon enough, his voice wavering and ragged. “Dearest. Why… are we making out in a McDonald’s parking lot?”
He squints his eyes open and tilts his head back a tiny bit more. He’s just teasing now, seriously. With his throat all exposed like that? When he’s breathing so hard that way?
“For fun,” Toge signs back. He rocks his hips back and forth in Yuuta’s lap.
Yuuta’s eyes slip shut again, he lowers his arm slightly, and for a moment, he seems to give in to the easy rhythm, letting himself be swayed. For a moment, Toge really thinks he has him, that he’s willing to forget about the stupidity of their situation. Yuuta’s so close to dropping his arm.
But then he jerks his thigh up rather unsexily into Toge’s ass and starts laughing. The fucking audacity. Yuuta pushes his arm up to shield his eyes from the world and breaks into a fit of uncontrollable giggles. “It’s just so… ridiculous. Why here? Couldn’t we have gone back to the dorms or something?”
Irritated, Toge tugs Yuuta’s arm away from his eyes so he can see his hands. “What if our roommates came back? Remember what happened last time Panda walked in on us?”
“Supply closet?”
“This is more private.”
“We’re in public.”
“Cod… roe,” Toge says slowly. He sits up as best he can and crosses his arms as he raises one eyebrow.
This gets Yuuta laughing all over again, and Toge has to try really hard not to get shaken off his lap. “Yes,” Yuuta chokes out, and it shouldn’t be so attractive, the way his larynx bobs as he swallows the residue of his own words. “Yes, Toge, it’s just the location I’m worried about.” He reaches all of a sudden with both hands to brush Toge’s bangs out of his eyes, his thumbs running over Toge’s forehead as he gazes fondly at him and coos. “I would have agreed right away to have sex with you if you’d asked first.”
Toge’s jaw goes slack, and he has to swallow, too, before all his desires spill out of his mouth as they are wont to do. So it looks like they’re both just horny college students trying to pretend like they can make it through finals. He follows suit to tuck some of Yuuta’s hair behind his ear, but with that arm now properly out of the way, his gaze wanders downward.
Something twisted and teasing and understanding all at once flares to life in Yuuta’s eyes as he follows Toge’s gaze. “Oh yeah?” He murmurs like he didn’t already know, “You wanna use your teeth?”
Suspicious, Toge narrows his eyes at him. A minute ago he was acting like the whole deal was a joke and he was about to call it off, or at least drive them to a less ridiculous location.
But now Yuuta glances over his shoulder at the expanse of the parking lot. It’s actually pretty empty, it being a regular Tuesday and all, and there are at least no children around. The only people walking between their vehicles and the building are far enough away that they wouldn’t be able to see anything inside the car, so long as Yuuta and Toge… are a little lower.
Yuuta seems to process this at the same time, because his hand snakes down in the direction of the lever so he can recline the seat, for real this time. He licks his already moistened lips and turns his attention back to Toge, his eyes gleaming now. “Go on, then,” he says with a grin.
Really, that’s all the encouragement Toge needs.
The last of his inhibitions snap like a taught thread against kitchen scissors. He lets his hands roam up beneath Yuuta’s shirt, still damp from the sprinkler, and helps him slip it off as the seat goes down. Toge’s head just barely pokes into the window’s line of sight once they’re fully reclined. He leans down to splay himself across Yuuta’s newly bare chest and goes straight for his neck.
He sucks one small pocket of skin in between his teeth and lets them do the rest of the work. He’s gotten better with his technique lately, and even though his heart is pounding now, adrenaline and caffeine bombarding his entire body, he chooses to work slowly now, to savour this and make sure he leaves good enough marks the first time. Bruises form best when he gives them time.
Plus, he wants to keep drawing his favourite noises out of Yuuta. Those tender sighs, the half-stifled moans as Yuuta presses his lips together tightly, the ones that sound like whimpers. Toge knows it’s more pleasure than pain running through Yuuta’s circuits right now.
Damn, he really shouldn’t be allowed to have a boyfriend. He has way too much fun learning about him like this.
Toge bites down quickly and then runs his tongue over the spot in quick succession, and Yuuta gasps.
To give him a break, and to throw him off, Toge stretches out to go for his lips again. He kisses him firmly, pressing Yuuta’s head back into the seat again until his neck is bending at an angle it probably shouldn’t, but that allows easy access for Toge to slide his fingers over the fresh bruises on that pretty neck. He peers to the side while their lips are pressed together to see Yuuta’s fingers digging into the side of the seat. He struggles to find purchase on the vinyl. It’s endearing.
But his other hand, shaky as it is, manages to slide along Toge’s stomach and goes to work unbuttoning his jeans, and that’s the hottest thing he’s done all day.
Yuuta said it’s okay for him to use his teeth. So Toge grins despite himself, wiggles just a little farther out of his grasp, to make him work to get the jeans off, and presses his face directly in the centre of Yuuta’s chest. He smells like the same cologne he always does, and it invades Toge’s senses as he turns his head to bite down right beside one nipple.
Their first date had been the first time the two of them went to a coffee shop together, alone, for purposes other than studying. They hadn’t been quite comfortable enough to hold hands yet, but their shoulders had brushed as they stood in line together, and Toge had forced himself to commit Yuuta’s order to memory immediately, even though they ordered separately.
Yuuta must have done the same, because while Toge ducked into the bathroom to make sure he looked all right and his collar was straight and his hair hadn’t somehow gotten messed up in the time it took them to walk here, his order had been set out earlier than expected. Yuuta had been waiting for him with it at a nice table by the window when Toge came back.
Grateful, fond, and again, a little spiked up on adrenaline, Toge had taken it from him and kissed him on the lips without thinking. He didn’t know why it was so natural then, like they’d been dating for years and did it all the time. They’d both been surprised.
But that single moment had unlocked something in both of them, between them.
Toge exploits that memory, one he doesn’t believe Yuuta really forgot, maybe just misplaced in the timeline of their relationship, as he bites down in all the perfect places. Everywhere he knows Yuuta loves best.
As consolation for Yuuta letting him do this in the first place, he lets his jeans be stripped off, then his underwear, and he doesn’t even ask why there’s already a condom in the centre console just waiting to be used. Yuuta kisses him warmly as his hand gropes around for the small packet and tears it open behind Toge’s back. Toge shudders as Yuuta’s hands trace the small of his back gently for the last time. He’s not going to be clawing so gently at Toge’s back in a few minutes.
But Toge needs to get him back for the banana, anyway.
•••
Yuuta looks almost stupid with that dazed look on his face as he thoughtfully eats his fries, his eyes closed and head propped up on the straightened seat. He’s finished his burger at this point and is now just munching down about four fries at a time, and Toge had no idea up until this point that he’d be so fond of overly salted food as a form of aftercare.
(“We’re still actually getting food?” he’d asked in that cute clueless way of his as Toge had directed them to the drive thru.
“Well, duh,” Toge answered flatly, looking Yuuta dead in the eyes. “That’s why we came here.”)
It might have been a little mean to make Yuuta drive and order for them both right away, and Toge had almost felt bad about the number of times Yuuta had to clear his throat while talking to the employees. At least he’d managed to keep himself composed.
Toge is dazed in his own way too, and he’s content to watch Yuuta for a while as they refuel. The sharp tang of the orange juice he’s been craving all day fills his mouth.
He wonders how the inside of Yuuta’s mouth tastes now. Combining a shrimp burger and soda with tongue and whatever else must have been an interesting new experience for him.
Yuuta must be able to feel his gaze, because his eyes crack open and he peers sideways at Toge. Toge blinks back calmly, and his eyes drift down to Yuuta’s lips.
“Stop looking at me like that,” Yuuta complains, then smirks involuntarily. “You’ve gotten us into enough today already.”
Toge shrugs and leaves him alone, turning back to his own fries. He stuffs a few of them in his mouth and washes them down with a drink of juice, then signs with salty fingers, “Professor Nakamura would say this meal has no nutritional value.”
“That’s not true,” Yuuta responds, reaching over to wrap his hand around Toge’s wrist and gently shakes the hand holding the orange juice. “Lots of vitamin C in here.”
“Oh, yeah. I guess there might be some iron in the chicken nuggets to help absorb it.”
“We’re so going to pass our final next week.” Yuuta shoves another handful of fries in his mouth, tips his head back, and closes his eyes. He still looks just as beautiful as ever as the sun sets behind him and the neon lights of the signs above cast a red and gold glow upon his jet black hair.
They do both pass their final exam for Nutrition & Wellness, stumbling through their last week of studying surrounded by composition notebooks and empty cans that used to hold caffeinated drinks, physically leaning on each other and their friends as they cry and mope and encourage their way through the next few days. Around Yuuta’s psychology papers, Toge’s computer science projects, and all the shit they get dragged into helping the underclassmen with (Yuuta’s roommate Fushiguro tends to drag his little friends over a lot, and while they’re entertaining to have around, sometimes they’re just as bad as Maki and Panda), they barely have time to celebrate the end of their stupid extra science requirement first-year-level course. They didn’t even care enough to exchange glances with each other across the table as they fill out their answer sheets. All the built-up tension from the semester will only slide off their shoulders when this is over with, and then they’ll never have to think about folates again.
Before all that, though, they have to get home. They park the car beneath the rich orange sunset and trek back to the main part of campus, back to Toge’s dorm to study more and do their daily reviews before they crash. Panda and Maki are both there waiting for them, playing card games as their own way to cope with the burden of being college students.
Maki eyes them as they come in—her eyes seem to be glued to the door from the second they turn the key in the lock, it seems—and while Panda is slow on the uptake sometimes, she fixes them both with a glare and looks them up and down.
The bruises on Yuuta’s throat are setting in nicely now. It’s not like they’re trying to hide it.
“Where the fuck have you two been?” she asks anyway, just to be polite.
No one has to see the smirk beneath Toge’s mask, and Yuuta keeps his expression neutral as he shrugs.
“McDonald’s,” Yuuta answers for the both of them.