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"Fuck everything and everyone. Fuck Mr. Ernst who can't teach despite it being his fucking job, fuck Mrs. Prenzyna who can't even roll the R but somehow ended up being a Spanish teacher, fuck the cashier at the store this morning who scoffed at me like he was some kind of royalty. Fuck the sun that makes my skin burn within minutes and fuck mosquitoes. Fuck politics and the economy and most importantly fuck me."
That's all Till could think as he slowly came to realise he was a... a bunny. A literal bunny. How? How would he know? All he knew is that he woke up, got ready for school, received a kiss from his mum before leaving, making him a bit more motivated for the day. Then he walked to school, went to class, suffered through first period and later found out second period was cancelled. He stayed behind in class when everyone else either went outside or even drove home. Next thing he knew was that he fell asleep at his desk, exhaustion winning as he barely slept that night, too busy with finishing a drawing he had been working on. When he woke up everything suddenly seemed huge. The chairs, the tables, the blackboard and his own backpack. He began hopping — hopping — around the classroom, trying to figure out what was going on when he stopped in front of the metal rubbish bin. There, he saw his reflection.
A small, grey bunny. Till immediately passed out.
When he opened his eyes again he felt warm. Cozy. He was gently pressed against something soft. He heard a steady heartbeat, louder than he'd usually hear anything, probably because he was a bunny.
"Oh! She's awake!" Someone suddenly spoke above him. That's when he realised he was in someone's arms. "Poor thing, how did she even end up here? Did someone sneak her in?" Spoke the person again. Their voice was velvety and deep. It reminded Till of...
He looked up, praying to every entity known and unknown to him that it wasn't who he thought it was.
But of course, as if his day wasn't already bad enough it was Ivan.
Ivan, that arrogant, annoying jerk. Always getting on his nerves, mocking him, teasing him, stealing his stuff and looking through his sketchbooks without permission. Till hated his guts and as if fate itself wanted to mock him, he was in that guy's arms.
"She's looking at me! Hi little one, what are you doing here?" Ivan asked, staring right back at Till.
"... 'She'? Who are you calling a she!?" Till thought, unable to speak. He began wiggling in Ivan's arms, already infuriated.
Ivan's eyes widened and he began readjusting Till in his arms. "Woah woah! Calm down little one. You don't want to fall and hurt yourself, right?" Ivan talked to him, his voice a little worried but calm enough, as if scared he'd scare the animal in his arms.
Till stilled. Ivan had a point. He was at least 1.5m above the floor. If he fell he would probably break a few bones. "Okay, what now?" Till thought, glaring at the raven.
"Okay, what now?" Ivan sighed. "I should probably go to the office and ask for them to make an announcement about a lost bunny"
"Technically, good idea. Problem is... nobody lost me!" Till cried. Hearing his little sounds Ivan snuggled him closer to his body.
"Don’t worry little baby, I'll find your owner soon, yeah?"
That didn’t necessarily make Till feel better but he appreciated Ivan's attempts. Unusually sweet and considerate of him, Till thought.
After three announcements about a missing grey bunny were made, one of the secretaries petted Till like a woman possessed and of course no one came to pick Till up, Ivan walked out of the school office, reassuring the secretaries he'd take good care of the bunny.
"Define 'take good care' please..." Till lamented, wanting to just go home to his mum.
"Oh! Ivan is that a bunny?"
Till knew that voice. That sweet, cheerful voice.
"Mizi!" Till thought and Ivan exclaimed. Then, Ivan continued "I found her in a classroom. By herself. I thought someone lost her but you probably heard the announcements. Nobody came for her"
"Quit misgendering me you idiot!"
Mizi let out a sad sigh. "That's awful! And what now? Also, are you sure it's a girl?"
"One, I think I'm going to take her home while I get in contact with a good shelter since I can't keep her... Two, I just assumed. She's just too pretty to be a boy!"
"Thanks?"
"... Also, I don't want to check"
"Well you better not!" Till panicked.
"Wait, let me check" Mizi chuckled, taking Till from Ivan. "Don't worry, it's a bunny..." she said as he looked down, Till mortified in her arms. "He won't feel violated, I'm sure of it"
"... Did Mizi just look at my—! What the fuck is my life?!"
"It's a boy?!" Ivan was clearly shocked. "Aww, he's such a pretty baby!"
Mizi snuggled Till close to her chest, the boy still trying to comprehend what the fuck had just happened. But hey, at least he wasn't going to be misgendered anymore? "Oh please Ivan, he's a bunny. Just because human males don't put effort into their looks and are scared of looking pretty, doesn't mean animals have the same kind of fragile masculinity" Mizi chuckled, petting Till's head.
"Yeah, you're right... You know?" Ivan suddenly smiled so softly it almost scared Till. Then, he reached over and stroked Till's back. "He reminds me of Till"
Till jolted up. "What—I mean, yeah! I am Till! But how do you—"
"His fur even has the same colour as Till’s hair! He's just as cute as Till too. I'll name this little baby Tillbunny!" Ivan announced proudly before gently snatching Till from Mizi's arms.
Mizi let out a giggle. "Aww, how sweet of you! And you have a point..." she agreed before adding. "So, you're taking him home?"
Yeah, Ivan took Till — well, Tillbunny, home. All the ride home Till sat frozen on Ivan's lap who kept a hand on his back, scared he'll start jumping around the car, but all Till could do is panic. It was already bad enough that he was turned into an animal, his stuff was still at school, his mum will worry about where he is but now Ivan out of all the people in the world was taking him home.
Before they arrived at Ivan's place, they briefly stopped at a pet store. Ivan let one of the workers educate him and he left the store with Till in one hand, now in a cage, in the other plenty of bunny snacks and hay. Till wanted to die. The cage made him feel claustrophobic and yes, he understood why he was in that cage but it didn't change the fact that he hated it. And if that wasn't enough, he had realised he'll have to eat bunny food. Not the chilli con carne his mum has planned for today but carrots and salad.
Now in Ivan's home, the raven carefully put Till’s cage down on the floor. "Wait just a little longer, yeah? I have to prepare a litter box for you and make sure nothing dangerous lays around my room. Like cables. Apparently bunnies like chewing on cables"
Ok, one! A litter box? If Till wasn't humiliated before, god knows what he was now. Two, Till wasn't a dumb bunny to chew on cables! But he might as well just to kill himself. A quick electroshock and his suffering will end.
Ivan set up a box in the corner of his room, filling it with hay. "You can go pee-pee and poo-poo here!" He said cheerfully and Till fell over in his cage. Ivan was babying him. The world might as well end.
Ivan continued talking to him in a sweet, cheerful voice as he began cleaning his room, carefully looking for any dangerous objects. "I have to make sure no small plastic trinkets are on display. Wouldn't want you to swallow them. I'll also put some blankets on the floor, I've heard bunnies prefer soft surfaces"
After he was done he reassured Till he'll be back soon, he'll just go prepare him some food and water. Meanwhile Till lay in the cage, feeling hopeless. His worries regarding being stuck with Ivan eased a little — the raven seemed determined to take good care of him. But he couldn't stay a bunny forever! His mum will most certainly call the police to search for him too. How weird will it be if he turns back? How does he explain everything that happened? If he turns back, that is.
He started crying. Loud, painful bunny squeals.
"Tillbunny! Are you okay?!" Ivan walked into the room, holding two bowls. He put them down on his desk before kneeling in front of Till's cage. He looked panicked, worried. "Oh no... are you hurt? Wait, let me get you out—" he opened the cage but Till didn’t budge.
He kept crying. "I want to go home! I want to see my mama! She'll be worried" he wailed but Ivan of course didn't understand. He decided to call Mizi for advice but she didn't pick up. Finally, he decided to take Till out of the cage himself. But Till didn’t let him. He stomped, loud and fuelled by frustration.
"Hey, little baby... I won't hurt you..." Ivan said softly, his lips quivering a little. "Are you hungry? Thirsty? Here—" he reached for the two bowls on his desk before putting them down in front of Till's cage. "I've got you veggies, fruits, snacks..."
Till felt a little bad. Ivan really seemed to try his best but it didn't change the fact that Till wasn’t a panicked bunny but a panicked human turned into a bunny. Still, he calmed down a little. Just a little to make Ivan stop making that sad expression. He stopped crying yet remained inside the cage. He wasn't hungry. But Ivan seemed content enough seeing Till calm down. "Alright, fierce little man... just come out when you're ready"
He walked away, leaving Till alone. Soon, Till heard the sounds of a pen writing on paper — he assumed Ivan was doing his homework.
He took his time to properly cool down. Once he was no longer trembling he started thinking. How did he end up in this situation? He never was much of a believer. But... what if God or even multiple gods exist after all? And he angered them? Or what if his Spanish teacher was a witch after all and decided to hex him for not handing in his homework a third time in a row? Has Till unknowingly preformed some ritual?
All of these options seemed unrealistic to him. So let's think of some logical explanations that do not involve magic. Is he hallucinating? Maybe he tripped on his way to school, fell of the stairs and now is in a coma? Or he finally lost it and is experiencing psychosis. It was also possible he was simply dreaming a very, very hyperrealistic dream.
Okay, at least he had a few options now. But what now? How does he make himself wake up from a coma? How does he get help? He probably can't in case all of this was happening in his consciousness. There was a high chance outside his broken mind he was already in the hospital being taken care of. He felt relieved — if that really was the case, he didn't have much to worry about. Doctors will get him on some anti psychosis medication and soon he'll wake up from this nightmare.
In the meantime he could enjoy the strawberries Ivan served him. Additionally, he was suddenly overwhelmed with the urge to eat some kohlrabi leaves...
Till slowly stepped out of the cage, before stopping in front of the food bowl. He sniffed on the food and to his suprise, the smell of raw carrots and hay suddenly were the most delicious smells he had smelled in his entire life. So he ate. And ate. And ate. He didn't realise how hungry he was. And thirsty. Suddenly still water, most certainly tap water, was the most refreshing drink on the planet. The fact that he liked it... terrified him a little. Was this part of the hallucination?
"Tillbunny... are you feeling better?" Ivan asked softly as he turned around to look at him. His expression looked relieved, soft.
"Woah, who would've thought an asshole like you would have such a soft spot for animals..." Till thought as he nibbled on some celery. It was honestly endearing — the same guy who always went out of his way to ruin Till's day was suddenly acting like a saint. If he knew his beloved Tillbunny was actually Till he'd probably do everything in his power to humiliate the ashen.
"You know..." Ivan continued quietly, carefully to not scare the little bunny in front of him "I called the best animal shelter in the area while I was preparing food for you. They said they'll spread the information about you being lost and hopefully we'll find your owner... But if that doesn't happen..."
"You'll put me down?!"
"I would've loved to keep you but I can't. My parents would never allow it" he began explaining as he got off his chair and slowly sat next to Till. "They would think you would be a distraction. Thank God they're on a business trip this week so I could take you in for a few days without them knowing. Unless they installed cameras in my room..." Ivan let out a dry laugh.
"... That's concerning" Till thought, stomping in disapproval. That weirded him out a little how he acted like a real bunny but at least he wasn't making himself suspicious to Ivan by acting like a human.
Ivan chuckled, earnestly, when Till stomped. "Bunnies stomp when they're upset, right? What's wrong?" He asked. "You also think my parents are weird?"
"Well duh" Another stomp.
"Cute. I'm glad I'm not the only one" Ivan smiled. "Anyway, what I meant to say is, if we don't find your owner within this week I'll have to bring you to the shelter. I can't have you here once my parents return..." he looked at the floor, his expression sad. "I hope your owner treats you well and it was just a silly kid not wanting to leave you by yourself at home and taking you to school. And well, losing you then"
"I wouldn't wish something like that upon my worst enemy"
Ivan seemed to fidget with his fingers before carefully reaching out towards Till. "Can I... pet you?"
Till immediately jolted away. "No! Absolutely not!" He stomped, loud and exasperated.
Ivan's expression fell. "Oh... I'll take that as a very clear no" He pulled his hand away, looking like a sad puppy.
Till wanted to run into a brick wall. "This is just a dream... or a hallucination caused by psychosis. I don’t care about you being sad because this isn't real. You will not make me feel guilty!"
"Well then I'll just leave you be..." Ivan spoke again, looking genuinely hurt.
"As you should. You should do that too when I'm a human again! Well uh, in the real world that is"
Ivan suddenly let out an amused little chuckle. "You really remind me of Till" he said before laying down on the floor, facing Till.
"Dude, too close— Woah, your lashes are long—Till, what the fuck."
"You don't know who that is so let me tell you"
"I do, actually"
"He's the coolest guy ever!"
"... Pardon? Did you mean to say 'He's a weirdo I enjoy pissing off' or something like that?" Till was beyond shocked. He waited for Ivan to elaborate.
"His style is so interesting! So unashamed unique and different... He's an artist and musician. I saw some of his drawings and they're really good"
"More like snatched them out of my hand without my consent but sure, continue"
Ivan let out a long sigh. "I wish I could hear his music... I'm sure it's good. Perhaps wouldn't be my usual style but I'm sure I'd still like it. But, you know Tillbunny? He's sooo unapproachable!"
"No, I simply don't like you..." Till felt a little bad now thinking that because Ivan clearly seemed to like him against his original beliefs.
"When I ask him about his day he either scoffs at me or just straight up ignores me" Ivan pouted.
Till wavered. "I always thought it's one of those situations where you ask the weird kid a personal question to make fun of them later about being stupid to believe that you care..."
"But I guess I get why he hates me. I always annoy him. But that seems to be the only way to catch his attention..." Ivan let out a pathetic little whine and Till's resolve really began to shatter. What if Ivan was just bad at getting social cues despite being so popular? "He's just so difficult" Ivan continued "Everyone else is so easy to read and is so predictable but Till is so... you know?"
"I don't, not really..." Till was staring at Ivan, shocked by everything. Why was Ivan venting to him about... him. But he might have actually understood what Ivan meant. Till was always scared of being vulnerable around people and Ivan was a part of a social group that was stereotypically known for making fun of people like Till. But perhaps that was his mistake? It was wrong of him to make such assumptions, wasn't it?
Even if all of this wasn't real and the real Ivan outside of this dream wasn't actually like that, Till might still try to figure it out and give him a chance once he probably leaves the mental hospital. And for now... he could just — since this wasn't real anyway...
"Okay, I'll let you pet me. You look so pitiful right now" Till thought as he hopped towards Ivan. The raven didn’t seem to get the hint at first, staring at him with those big, dark eyes. But when Till nudged him his eyes suddenly lit up like starts in the night sky.
"Can I pet you?" He asked in disbelief and when Till snuggled his head under his hand he finally gently stroked his back. "You're so fluffy and soft! I think I'm going to die..."
"Please don't— Oh yeah, right here..." Till melted under Ivan's touch when the raven began petting the spot between his ears. It felt ridiculously good.
"You're making these sounds. The little teeth chattering!" Ivan chirped like an excited kid. "That means you're happy, yeah?"
"I don't know, probably... dunno anything about bunnies. Were you studying bunny language right now and not your homework?"
"I was just doing research on bunny body language. If a bunny closes its eyes or lay on its side it feels safe around you. And if they gently nibble you, it's them grooming you like you're another bunny. Means they really like you!"
"If you keep petting me like that I might nibble on you as a reward so you can be happy" Till thought and he meant it.
After that, the rest of the day went by pretty fast. Till pretty much accepted his fate in his weird hallucination or dream. He followed Ivan around because that seemed to make the raven happy. When they lay in bed and Ivan read him a book out loud, he lay down on the ravens stomach. It was warm, soft, comfortable. He liked it. He was basically using Ivan as his personal human pillow. And when Ivan finally started actually doing his homework, Till settled on his lap. Once that was done Ivan took it upon himself to research how to play with bunnies. "Okay... 'Rabbits are inquisitive and love exploring. They like to climb into and onto new toys, so give them cardboard boxes, large pipes or bits of rolled-up carpet to play with'. Alright, so basically parkour. But it also says bunnies like searching for treats!"
And just like that Ivan assembled a parkour on his bedroom floor. He looked proud of himself and Till couldn't bring himself to ignore his hard work. So despite himself he started playing with the boxes, cardboards, pillows, blankets. And when Ivan thought he wasn't looking, he hid treats all over his room. Till of course saw where he hid them but when Ivan asked him to look for them, he pretend to genuinely search. And that made Ivan happy. Till was surprisingly happy too because of that.
Till was also happy he was hallucinating this out of everything possible. He had heard most people hallucinate terrible things. Being a bunny wasn't bad at all. He was pampered, fed fresh veggies and fruit. If he got tired from playing he could just lay down on his side in the soft blankets while having Ivan pet him and hum comforting melodies. The only complaint he had was having to shit and piss in the litter box but hey, this wasn’t real so who cares.
He only wished the real Ivan would've been as kind as the one in his mind, minus Till being a bunny. And well, minus the infantilising. But having Ivan be so considerate and gentle with him felt so incredibly good. He wondered if the real Ivan was also secretly this cute.
"Tillbunny, I need to shower" Ivan suddenly spoke, interrupting Till's nap on his chest.
"I guess you do... it's late, isn't it?" Till thought as he blinked his eyes open.
Ivan let out a sigh, rubbing Till’s ears. "Just what do I do with you in the meantime. Do I leave you here by yourself unsupervised and risk you getting hurt?"
"I'll just continue sleeping"
"Maybe I just put you in the cage..."
Till jolted up, shooting him a glare but refraining himself from stomping — he was still on top of Ivan and he didn't want to hurt him. But Ivan still got the message.
"You're right, bad idea. You clearly hate the cage..." He went silent for a moment before his eyes sparkled with an idea. Till didn’t like it already.
And he was right to have a bad feeling about it because now he was on the bathroom floor, cocooned into a blanket, loose enough to free himself if he wanted to, while Ivan showered. "You'll just come with me so I can keep an eye on you!" Ivan had said proudly before carrying Till into the bathroom with him.
So now here Till was, mortified by the thought that he was in the same room as a very naked Ivan. He shouldn’t be so embarrassed. They were both male. But for some reason the idea of seeing Ivan naked felt forbidden. But he was a bunny right now... and this was his dream, slash psychosis induced hallucination, so he might as well sneak a peak...
A peak that was lasting at least five minutes now. It was hard to not notice Ivan's physique. He was undeniably attractive, unfairly so. But Till's brain must've been exaggerating things right now because there was no way Ivan's ass was that fat. And the size of his chest? At least that explained why it was so comfortable to lay on. Like two pillows. And please understand Till, he was only a man after all so if met with the opportunity to compare penis sizes he had to seize the opportunity. To Till’s absolute delight Ivan was smaller. Till felt evil for doing all this but it wasn’t like that would affect reality. And perhaps his brain only painted a picture of Ivan's dick being smaller to boost Till's ego. Yes, that must've been it.
"Ten out of ten body, hallucination Ivan. I'm not gay but—" Pause. "Okay, who am I kidding. Smash."
Another pause.
"Does that mean I have a crush on Ivan if my subconscious mind creates such images for me? But Ivan is like a bully, kinda, in real life... Does that mean I have a degradation kink?"
"All done my fierce little man!" Ivan stepped out of the shower, in all naked glory, stopping Till in his tracks. He can figure things out once he wakes up. Right now, damn was Ivan hot! If only he could turn into a human right now... He might’ve been a virgin but this was his dream! Or hallucination, who cares?! And he could turn himself into a real, experienced machismo. If he thought about it really really hard...
He shat himself. That's all that happened.
"Did you poo-poo while I was showering? Good thing bunny poo is so small and dries so fast" Ivan chuckled as he cleaned the blanket, already in his pyjamas.
Till felt utterly embarrassed. What was he even trying to do? Was he that desperate that he shat himself?
After that Ivan took him to bed in his arms. He tucked them both in, gently stroking Till's back. "Please don't shit or pee in my bed, 'key?"
"Of course..."
"Well, you know where the litter box is. You're a smart bunny" Ivan leaned in and pressed a kiss to Till's fluffy head. "Goodnight Tillbunny"
Till felt his eyes flutter shut as if Ivan's gentle kiss put a sleeping spell on him. He nudged Ivan's face with his nose before giving his cheek a little lick. "Goodnight..."
Till's sleep was peaceful. Sleeping in a dream, how funny. He felt secure in Ivan's arms. The raven slept like a baby, looking like an angel, too.
"What the fuck?!"
Till was suddenly awoken from his peaceful slumber with a kick to his stomach. He fell off the bed with a thud. He held his stomach, trying to catch his breath and regain composure. Once he could breathe decently enough he looked up to find Ivan staring back at him. Bewildered. Scared. Baffled.
"Ugh Ivan—" Till choked out only to immediately stop in his tracks. He spoke. Human language. He looked down on his body only to find out he was back to being a human. "I'm... I'm normal again!"
"Sorry?! You were laying on top of me! Naked!" Ivan yelled, his voice cracking.
Till looked down at himself again. Yes, he was indeed naked. Before he could look up again he felt a pillow hit him in the face. Then another one. "Where's Tillbunny! What are you doing here!?"
"Ivan—" slap to the face. Hard. "... Okay— Fair enough. Uhm..." Till struggled to find the words. Because if Ivan remembered Tillbunny and Till was at Ivan's place then that must've meant... It was all real? "Ivan... I think I am—I was Tillbunny?"
Silence. Then another slap. "Ouch! I promise, I'm not making this up!" Till panicked, seeing how unconvinced Ivan was. "A-ask me anything that only Tillbunny would know!"
Ivan hesitated for a moment, another pillow already in his hand. But he seemed to consider it. Finally, he asked: "How long is my dick"
"... Excuse me?"
"When I took Tillbunny with me to the bathroom I did it to keep an eye on him. So I obviously kept glancing over at him and he was turned towards me all the time. If he was you then he had your human consciousness so I believe he would've paid attention. Or you, whatever"
Till sunk his head, staring at the floor. He had the answer but this was a lose-lose situation. If he doesn't answer he'll have the police called on him but if he does, Ivan will know he's a pervert who stared at him while he was showering. He weighed his options before deciding that losing his dignity seemed better. "About twelve centimetres..."
"You could've guessed that"
"What— Ugh fine, the tip was pink and the base pale. Your bush is trimmed. Happy?" Till blurted out, his face burning red.
Ivan tilted his head. Then, slowly, he put the pillow, which had been a deadly weapon just moments ago, away. "Alright. You may explain yourself"
And explain himself Till did. For at least an hour he spoke, yelled, cried, mumbled, cussed until he was finally done and thankfully Ivan believed him.
"So how did you turn back?" Ivan finally asked as he handed Till a tissue.
Till blew his nose, now cocooned in a blanket on the bed. "No idea. I'm just glad everything is fine now..."
Meanwhile, somewhere in the distance, evil witch Enese de Efuu from Tiivland watched them in her magic mirror, laughing to herself because only she knew that what had taken the spell she casted upon Till was a true loves kiss he had received from Ivan before going to sleep. Her mission was complete — now they'd surely start dating after this.