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“Kirishima, hold that thought,” Katsuki said, as he turned away.
“No, Katsuki, if you could just-” Eijiro tried in vain to stop Katsuki from walking away, but it was already too late. He watched sadly as the other walked out of the room, not quite understanding what was going on as he began to hear yelling and doors slamming from all of the other rooms.
Eventually, Katsuki came back to where he had left Eijiro, standing confused in the middle of his room, and grabbed his shoulders, guiding him to what was apparently his seat. As he lowered himself onto one of the couches in the common room, he looked around, confused to see all of his classmates gathered there, minus Midoriya. He turned again towards Katsuki, who was now standing at the front of the room with a very large whiteboard.
Where did he get that?
All of the classrooms have chalkboards, he can’t think of a single place Katsuki could have gotten a whiteboard. Had he had this in his room this whole time?
“Alright, extras, listen up!” Katsuki exclaimed, interrupting Eijiro’s thoughts and grabbing everyone's attention. “I have recently come to the conclusion that you are all stupid. Correction! Even more stupid than I already thought you were. Except Deku, which is why he’s not here. But he’s only not stupid in this very rare instance and on this very specific topic, so if anyone ever tells him I said that, I’ll kill them.” Eijiro frowned, was this... Impromptu lesson that Katsuki wanted to teach their class, sparked by their earlier conversation? By his words?
“Okay, so, as I’m sure you’re all aware, I’m going to be the number one hero. And this means that everything in my life has to aid me in being the number one hero.” Katsuki paused, staring at the rest of his classmates. He waited until he saw several people nod before continuing, as if checking that everyone was following along with his thought process. “But! Much to my dismay, I acknowledge that I need interaction outside of hero work in order to be a functional human, and by functional human, I do mean in order to be the number one hero. This is where the chart comes in.”
Katsuki pauses and turns to the whiteboard, drawing two axes and labeling them. The X-Axis was labeled ‘Relationship Types’ while the Y-Axis was labeled ‘Relationship Shit’.
“Not that I think of this as a legitimate graph by any stretch of the imagination,” Iida started, waiting for Katsuki to turn and face him before continuing.”but it is a graph, so i do feel compelled to clarify; what all does ‘relationship shit’ entail and encompass?”
“What do you think it means dumbass?!” Katsuki responded, before pausing to think about phrasing. As much as he wanted to brush off the idiotic question, this graph was important, and he needed to ensure that all of his classmates understood the concepts he was explaining to them. “It means what it says. Relationship Shit. All of the shit that comes with the different kinds of relationships. That means time, effort, the amount I have to care about them, all of it. Get it now?” Katsuki asked, waiting for a very hesitant nod from Iida before turning back to his chart. In his haste to continue his presentation, he missed the pained look that Uraraka and Mina shared, both of the opinion that this was the incorrect way to both look at and think about relationships.
“Okay so in relationship types there’s Hero Partner, which is obviously the most important relationship in my life, it also comes with the most relationship shit, which would usually be a negative of a relationship but this specific relationship shit gets a pass because it aids me in being a hero.” All of Class 1-A watched as Katsuki drew a second bar right next to hero partner; this bar was less than half the size of the first. “The next type of relationship is a partner. This is any kind of romantic relationship, be it dating or marriage, and as you can see it has the next highest level of relationship shit. Next is friends, then colleagues, then strangers.” They all watched as Katsuki drew three more bars, each one shorter than the last, and labeled them for the different kinds of relationships he was mentioning.
“Okay, now here's the really important part of this graph, so pay attention. This is the minimum amount of relationship shit I can have in my life, if I have all of these relationships, which I’ve been told I should, but in order to be the number one hero the goal is always to have as little relationship shit in my life as possible. Therefore, relationships can stack, but those in a lower relationship bar cannot reach outside of that. For instance a colleague could also count as a stranger, but there’s more interaction that being a colleague automatically allots to them, but they do not get to reach into friends, because that raises the amount of relationship shit that they would require and that is unacceptable. For this reason, any of my current friends can also be colleagues but can not enter into a romantic relationship with me.” Katsuki took this time to survey his classmates; many of them had various degrees of disbelief on their faces, but none of them looked overly confused, so he figured he was good to move on to the next part.
“Now over here,” Katsuki started, indicating to the ‘Hero Partner’ bar with a finger, “We have the most important relationship, because, as previously stated, I’m going to be the number one hero and this is the only relationship that directly relates to my ability to get there. In this bar, the only person who fits into this category is Deku.” He said before writing ‘Nerd’ in quick letters over the bar.
“Because Deku already gets so much relationship shit from me, us being hero partners and all, he can put himself into any of the other categories as well should he so choose. We’re going to be colleagues. I know he wants to be friends, but this is also the reason that the only person I could ever marry is Deku. Because he’s already going to get that much relationship shit, he can nest any of the other relationships into it.”
Momo looked over, confused and concerned, as Jirou tried hard to stifle laughter next to her. Jirou tried her best to gesture to where Izuku was now standing on the side of the room, mumbling something that sounded suspiciously like ‘huh! I did mine as a pie chart!” before walking to his room holding a comically large bowl of spaghetti.
The room sat in silence for a few moments, Katsuki looking undeservedly proud of his presentation, before there was a heavy sigh, and everyone turned to look at Kirishima.
“So you’re rejecting me?” Eijiro finally asked, his voice dejected.
“Fucking obviously. Did you even listen to the presentation?!” Katsuki snarled in response.
“I- Sure okay,” Eijiro responded, rubbing at the bridge of his nose.
“Okay… as awkward as that was, I think someone needs to ask the really important question.” Mina started, her voice loud and excited enough to ease some of the tension in the room. “Does Midori-kun feel the same way? Or is his ranking different?”
“I mean it’s a little different, but there are similarities for sure!” Izuku chimed in from his spot near the kitchen, now holding an empty bowl. “Mine's a pie chart for one!” He added helpfully, ignoring the incredulous looks his classmates were now giving him and retreating into the kitchen to put the bowl away. The class waited in silence for a few moments before Izuku came into the room again.
“You have a chart too?” Uraraka exclaimed.
“Can we see it?” Mina added.
“Of course I have a chart!” Izuku answered cheerfully, “I keep small laminated copies in my bag so I can hand them out when people confess to me! It only takes a few confessions to realize it takes too much time to explain the chart every time!”