Work Text:
Buck had a special relationship with Christopher Diaz.
The kid’s dad was his best friend- but Buck cared about him a lot more than he ever cared about any of his other friends’ kids.
Not that he didn’t care about them- May and Harry were like siblings to him, and Denny was like a nephew to him ever since Buck had met him the first time a few months into working at the 118.
But with Chris? It was different. He would never admit it, but since the tsunami- since Eddie had spoken the words, “There is no one in this world I trust my son with more than you.”- Buck couldn’t help but feel the same way people talk about their own children. Like your heart is walking outside of your body- an overwhelming feeling of unconditional love, pride.
Buck knew it was weird- he had only known the kid for a little over a year, but he couldn’t help it. He spent more days with the Diaz boys than not, and over that time, especially after Shannon’s death, they had grown into what Buck liked to think of as a family unit.
Of course he would never presume to tell Eddie any of this- he wasn’t going to broadcast that he had fallen into the age-old stereotype of being in love with your straight best friend (because yeah… that realization had really thrown Buck for a loop too- turns out your best friend almost dying in a well collapse is an eye-opening experience). He didn’t want to risk fucking up one of the best friendships he had ever had by bringing his stupid feelings into the mix.
He felt as though he did a good job of hiding it- that he had been able to cover up the fact that he felt too at home with Eddie and Chris. His worst fear was that he would potentially cross a line if he let those feelings grow.
He never wanted them to feel like he was trying to replace Shannon. Even if Eddie wasn’t straight (a guy can dream…), it would be way too soon for Buck to even begin to approach that. She had barely been dead 10 months. It felt disrespectful to her to try and even entertain the daydream.
So, Buck pushed those feelings down, locked them in a safe and buried it deep in his chest to never be opened. He couldn’t. There was too much at stake.
Everything began to fall apart one night, about a year after the well. Covid quarantine protocols had just been eased up, so Buck was able to spend a lot more time at the Diaz house again (after a few agonizing months of sharing a bed with Eddie in his loft when they were quarantined there with Hen and Chim). They had ditched the idea of Buck crashing on the couch after that… Eddie having shrugged, saying, “We’ve shared before man.”
Buck knew it wasn’t healthy- letting himself imagine what it might be like for Eddie to share his feelings when he laid in bed at night, the older man sound asleep next to him, completely unaware of Buck’s imagination. He knew it wasn’t healthy when he allowed himself to stay wrapped in Eddie’s arms every morning after the man would inevitably spoon him in the middle of the night. He let himself bask in the domesticity of the soft touches- ones that had always existed between them, but had never felt so charged.
Buck knew he was imagining things. Eddie was straight. He was just comfortable around Buck, that’s all. But try as he might, Buck couldn’t help but yearn for those moments to be real. He still kept it close to his chest under lock and key so as to avoid an awkward situation. Eddie didn’t deserve that after everything he’s been through… Chris didn’t deserve that.
One night, after Chris had fallen asleep while watching a movie, Buck silently volunteered to carry him to his bed, carefully scooping the lanky ten year old up in his arms and carrying him down the hall. Chris stirred as Buck laid him down, letting out a massive yawn as he blinked up at Buck.
“Buck?” he rasped out, his voice thick with sleep.
“Just putting you in bed, superman,” Buck smiled down at him. “Go back to sleep.”
Chris nodded tiredly, closing his eyes as he snuggled into his pillow. Buck gently removed the boy’s glasses, setting them on the bedside table before he looked down at him for a moment. He gently brushed one of Chris’s curls from his forehead.
“Night, buddy,” he whispered before standing and making his way back to the door.
“Night, dad,” Chris muttered back.
Buck froze in place.
Did- did Chris just…?
No… No surely he didn’t.
He did.
Did he confuse Buck for Eddie? Was he just that tired? That had to be it.
But he called him ‘Buck’ just moments before….
Buck’s heart pounded in his chest as he tried to keep his breathing even.
Fuck.
Fuck .
This is the exact thing he tried so hard not to do. Not to force himself into Eddie and Chris’s dynamic like this. It wasn’t fair to any of them. Not fair to Buck, who would never be Chris’s real dad, not fair to Eddie who was Chris’s actual dad, not fair to Chris who had obviously formed an attachment to Buck that had to be broken now, not fair to Shannon, Chris’s mother .
He silently shuffled back out to the living room where Eddie still sat on the couch, eyes fixed on the tv. He looked over at Buck, his eyebrows furrowing.
“Everything alright, Buck?” he asked.
“Y- yeah, I-” Buck stammered. “Yeah…”
“You sure?” Eddie asked, narrowing his eyes slightly. “You don’t look too good, man.”
Buck focused on his breathing for a moment before plastering on his best fake smile.
“I’m just tired,” he shrugged. “Long shift today, y’know. I think I’m- I’m gonna head home.”
“You know you don’t have to go,” Eddie said, slowly standing from the couch. “If you’re that tired, it’d probably just be best if you crashed here. Besides, you know Chris’ll want pancakes in the morning.”
Buck almost caved. He wanted nothing more than to agree and ignore what had happened.
Night, dad…
“No, I-” Buck shook his head. “I have plans with Maddie in the morning anyway. It’s better if I just went back to the loft.”
Eddie watched him carefully for a moment, frown still evident on his face.
“Okay,” he finally said. “I guess I’ll talk to you tomorrow sometime?”
“Yeah,” Buck nodded quickly before making his way out of the house.
The drive home was silent as Buck finally let the tears he had been holding back stream down his face. It wasn’t that he didn’t want it- he would love nothing more than to be Chris’s other dad. To get to call Chris his son, to get to call Eddie his boyfriend, husband, whatever- just as long as they were both his .
But he couldn’t. He couldn’t ruin them too.
That night, alone in his bed in the loneliness of his loft, Buck wept into his pillow as he drifted off into a restless sleep.
He started to spend a little bit less time staying over at the Diaz house after that. He still found himself over there for movie nights, hanging out and cooking dinner for the Diaz boys, but he stayed the night less and less.
He hoped it would be beneficial to both him and Chris- trying to refix that line that had started to blur- but he still couldn’t shake that overwhelming feeling of fatherly love for the kid. It pulled at his core every time he made Chris laugh at something or roll his eyes and call him cringe- the same way his love for Eddie pulled at him when Buck would catch the warm, fond look in the man’s eyes as he watched Buck and Chris.
He needed to do something , but he couldn’t figure out what. It wasn’t until after Chris had gone to bed and Eddie suggested that Buck take Chris to the zoo while Eddie covered a shift for someone at the 118 the following weekend when an idea popped into Buck’s head.
Without really thinking about it, he just said it:
“Oh yeah! Absolutely,” Buck grinned. “You know, maybe once Jee is old enough she can come with us and we could make it an Uncle Buck day for both of you.”
He watched as Eddie’s face contorted into a pinched expression- as if he had just smelled something foul. Buck felt the blood drain from his face as he watched Eddie’s demeanor shift.
“What?” Eddie asked.
“I- I just…” Buck stammered. “I- I thought maybe I could take both of them some day, but if y- you don’t want that, then that’s totally cool, I-“
“No, no-“ Eddie shook his head. “I’m not talking about taking both of them- I’m talking about the ‘Uncle Buck’ thing. Where did that even come from, Buck? I mean I get it for Jee…”
Buck swallowed the lump in his throat. “I- am I not that for Chris?”
Eddie looked at him as though he’d just been asked to solve a complex mathematical equation before he blinked himself out of it.
“You- what?” Eddie asked. “What do you mean are you ‘that’ to Chris?”
“I mean, I’m kinda like his uncle figure,” Buck shrugged. “I’m his dad’s best friend, and- and Denny calls Chim ‘Uncle Chimney’ so I just thought maybe…”
“You think you and Chris have the same relationship as Chimney and Denny?” Eddie asked. “Seriously?”
“Don’t we?” Buck countered.
Eddie watched him silently for a moment before huffing out a short laugh. “Is that why you’ve been so avoidant lately?”
“I haven’t been av-“ Buck started.
“Oh, come on , Buck,” Eddie scoffed. “You haven’t stayed over in weeks. You’re only over here for movie nights anymore, the three of us barely go anywhere together anymore. Did we do something to offend you or something? Is that where this is coming from?”
“No!” Buck’s eyes grew wide. “No- no, you didn’t!”
“Then what is it, Buck?” Eddie asked. “I feel like even when I see you outside work anymore, I barely see you. It's like you’ve been walking around on eggshells with me and Chris lately, and I just- I don’t get it.”
Eddie paused for a moment, staring at Buck with sad eyes before adding on a softer, “I miss you, Buck. We miss you.”
Buck’s shoulders sagged as he listened to Eddie- guilt washing over him like a tsunami as he took in Eddie’s wrecked expression. He took a deep breath, letting it out in a sigh before he spoke.
“I- I felt like maybe I was being too much,” he admitted. “I felt like being here all the time, staying the night, making breakfast… it was confusing Chris and I- I didn’t want to overstep.”
Eddie’s frown deepened as his brows furrowed.
“I-“ Buck continued. “That night a few weeks ago when I put Chris to bed, he- he called me ‘dad.’ It made me realize just how comfortable I’d gotten and I just… It’s not fair to you, or to Shannon, and I just didn’t want that seed to grow into something out of control, so….”
“So you decided to run away?” Eddie asked, his voice barely above a whisper.
“Yeah,” Buck sighed. “I just- I didn’t want to encourage that because it’s not fair to any of us. You and Shannon are his real parents, and I’m not. I’m just his dad’s best friend, and that’s all I ever will be, and I- I can’t keep letting myself live in a fantasy world where things are different. It hurts too much.”
Eddie continued to stare at him for a second before silently moving past Buck, leaving him alone in the room. Buck felt the sting of tears in his eyes as he heard the door to Eddie’s room open down the hall- this is exactly what he had been afraid of. Overstepping and messing everything up.
He wiped his eyes, sniffling as he made his way to the door, fighting the urge to pile onto his embarrassment by breaking out into sobbing.
He had just opened the door when he heard Eddie’s voice behind him. “Where are you going?”
Buck turned around to see Eddie standing behind him- a yellow envelope in his hand. Buck cleared his throat before answering.
“I- you left so I thought you wanted me to…“ Buck trailed off.
“So you jumped to another conclusion?” Eddie deadpanned, a small smirk on his face.
Buck ducked his head down, unable to keep himself from letting out a soft laugh at Eddie’s tone. He looked back at the envelope in Eddie’s hands, pointing at it.
“What’s, um-“ He started, “What’s that?”
Eddie looked down at the envelope before looking back at buck. He carefully took out a packet of documents before leafing through them slowly.
“Last year,” he said, “after the well… all I could think about was ‘what would happen to Chris if I were to die on the job?’ I sure as hell don’t want him with my parents… Shannon’s gone… So- I went to my lawyer’s office and I had them put you down as Christopher’s legal guardian.”
He handed Buck a piece of paper as Buck stood in stunned silence. It took him a moment to snap back to reality and grab the paper from Eddie. He read through the page, detailing that in the case of Eddie’s death, Buck was to receive custody of Christopher, along with a bit of money to be used towards Chris’s education. Buck looked up from the page to see Eddie watching him, a small smile on his face.
“I- I don’t-” Buck stammered. “Don’t you need my consent for this?”
“My lawyer said you could refuse-” Eddie started.
“I wouldn’t!” Buck cut him off.
“I know,” Eddie smiled.
“Why me?” Buck asked. “I mean, surely your sisters or- or Pepa- a-and won’t your parents try to fight it?”
“Probably,” Eddie cut him off with a shrug, “But I don’t care.”
Setting down the envelope as he stepped forward to grab Buck’s shoulders. “There is no one who will fight for Chris as hard as you will. That’s all I want for him.”
Buck swallowed the lump in his throat as he tried to fight back the sting of tears in his eyes again.
“Y- you said you did this a year ago,” he choked out. “Why tell me now?”
“Because, Evan ,” Eddie let out a small laugh as he looked up into Buck’s eyes. “You just told me that you’ve been distancing yourself because you think that viewing yourself as Chris’s other dad is some fantasy you have… but you’re wrong.”
Buck stayed silent as he continued to look Eddie in the eyes.
“You are his other dad, Buck,” Eddie told him. “You have been for a long time. It’s not a fantasy.”
Buck closed his eyes as he felt tears beginning to roll down his cheek, “But- but what about- what if one day you find someone you want to settle down with? To be a family with?”
“I already have, Buck,” Eddie said softly, his gaze not once leaving Buck’s.
Buck felt his eyes grow wide as he took in Eddie’s words- unsure of whether or not he was making them up in his head.
“M- me?” he asked.
Eddie nodded as he brought a hand up to Buck’s face, gently cupping his cheek as he brushed a thumb under Buck’s eye to wipe away his tears. “You.”
Buck felt his breath catch in his throat as he tried to process everything that was happening. His eyes darted down to Eddie’s lips before looking back up to his eyes again.
“Can I kiss you?” Buck asked.
“Please,” Eddie smiled before closing the gap between them.
There were no fireworks, there was no exhilarating rush up his spine. There was only them, existing together. It felt right- as if Buck had finally found the thing he had been searching for his whole life, and he never wanted to let it go.
He had so many questions- there were so many things he and Eddie needed to discuss…
But for now, they were content to just live in that moment forever.