Work Text:
Today, I must head back to the Lighthouse.
An Zhe was the only teacher that knew about Si Nan’s condition, and the only familiar face that could prompt a reaction out of him, no matter how small. Because of this, Dr. Jibran had asked him to return to the laboratory this morning to assist him with his research. Even if he didn’t have a choice in the matter, An Zhe was fine with this arrangement. For the first time since he’d made it into the Northern base, he was close to his spore, and his ultimate goal didn’t seem as far-fetched as it had months ago.
The more he thought about it, the more anxious he became. However, as he got out of bed and headed to the bathroom, he reminded himself that he needed to be realistic. The Lighthouse was a facility the size of which An Zhe had never seen before, with the exception of the Garden of Eden. Finding a needle in a haystack would be infinitely easier without the right information, and An Zhe had no information at all.
Lost in his thoughts, he looked inside his closet and absentmindedly fished out a cream coloured cardigan and a plain white shirt. He wondered if the Colonel would also be coming to the Lighthouse today for more screenings, and if any other people would turn out infected. Despite his complicated relationship with him, the arbiter was his only clue to finding his spore and, strangely, he was also the person that knew him the best in the entire main city.
While he considered whether that last thought brought him comfort or made him feel uneasy, he entered the kitchen and started pouring some of last night’s potato soup in a thermos. Now that he’d learned how to make better soup, he sometimes preferred bringing his own than eating at the canteen. He tried to come up with excuses he could give Dr. Jibran to go out and search for his spore, but none seemed good enough. He would never have enough time to explore the building exhaustively. The more he thought about it, the more he realized he wasn’t going to be able to escape the need for Lu Feng’s assistance. He had no idea how to fool a man like him, though. As more confusing ideas plagued his mushroom mind, he opened the door to the hallway and headed out, but he froze before he could fully close it.
Across the hallway, Lu Feng noticed him at the same time he did. He raised his eyebrows in surprise, but it was so sudden and so brief that An Zhe barely had time to register a change in his usually impassible expression. His hand, like An Zhe’s, was still holding the doorknob.
“Good morning,” he said in his characteristic flat, cold tone.
An Zhe greeted him back. Then, “are you going to the Lighthouse today as well?”
“Yes. You?”
“Dr. Ji asked me to come,” he explained.
A beat of silence.
“Let’s go then,” Lu Feng said, finally closing the door behind him and heading towards the elevator. An Zhe followed him quietly. Once inside, he could feel Lu Feng’s gaze on him, and he wondered if there was anything about him today that made him look suspicious in the Colonel’s eyes. He tried to calm himself down: there was no way this man knew he had a secret reason to go back to the Lighthouse.
“What do you have in there?”
An Zhe had forgotten to place the soup thermos inside his bag and was currently holding it in his hands.
“It’s soup.”
“You don’t like the canteen food?”
“I make better soup,” he replied honestly, but Lu Feng had also tried this soup, and he might have a different opinion.
“Mm. I agree,” he said instead. An Zhe was convinced that’d be the end of the conversation, but he suddenly spoke again. “How much of that do you make everyday?”
“Yesterday I made enough for three days.”
“Can you eat all that by yourself? Won’t it get spoiled?”
This man was surprisingly chatty this morning. It suddenly occurred to An Zhe that his words had a double meaning that was currently escaping him. The Colonel only talked so much when he wanted to bully him, so an ulterior motive had to be behind it.
“It won’t,” he replied. Then, he took a random guess. “Do you want me to pack some for you?”
Did this bad person want him to read his mind? If he wanted soup, he should have just said so. He pressed the button back to their floor so it would go back up after reaching the ground floor. Lu Feng looked at him for half a second, then to the side.
“That’s not necessary,” he replied curtly. Once the elevator opened, he didn’t wait for An Zhe, and he didn’t speak another word until they were out on the street.
“I’ll head to the shuttle bus now, then,” An Zhe announced, nodding slightly and turning his back to Lu Feng.
He heard the man behind him scoff and order, “come back here.”
No matter how infuriating the Colonel was, An Zhe always obeyed him before he could stop himself. Maybe it was a survival instinct, but it was a rather annoying one. He begrudgingly went back to his side. Lu Feng put a hand on his shoulder, guiding him, “we’ll take the vehicle.”
On their way to the Lighthouse, An Zhe looked out the window and tried hard not to fall asleep. He thought he was managing just fine, but, sure enough, Lu Feng noticed him nodding off.
“The earplugs didn’t help you?,” he asked casually, adjusting the frequency on his radio.
He didn’t seem to be in a bad mood, so An Zhe answered honestly, rubbing his eyes. “I slept better thanks to them. It’s just moving vehicles… I think they make me sleepy.” He’d been suspecting as much for a while, at least. The engine’s rumble reminded him of the rain in the abyss, and he believed that was the reason why it would efficiently lull him to sleep every time.
“Are you a child?” Lu Feng’s teasing tone was back, and An Zhe sat up straight, all drowsiness gone in an instant. Then, he added, “you can sleep if you want, I’ll wake you.”
“I’m fine,” he replied coldly when he noticed Lu Feng’s faint smirk. This man only seemed to be happy when bullying him. Now more than ever before he had to stay awake for the sake of his dignity as a mushroom.
Once they arrived, Lu Feng paused for a moment before unlocking the doors. “Will you stay in the lab today?”
“I think so.”
The doors made a clicking noise. “I have to do more screenings today, but I’ll be back for lunch.” An Zhe thought it was unusual for the Colonel to give him any explanations about his day, and he didn’t really know what to do with that information, but Lu Feng didn’t explain himself further. He opened the door and An Zhe did the same. Maybe he wanted to steal his soup.
They walked in silence until they reached the lab. The doctor was already there, and when he noticed them, he gave them a strange look.
“You came in together?”
Lu Feng stayed silent, so An Zhe replied, “yes.”
Dr. Jibran clicked his tongue.
The Colonel and the doctor started discussing a few things related to the screenings, but An Zhe mostly tuned them out. Instead, he walked over to the room where Si Nan was resting lethargically on the right side wall. As soon as he noticed An Zhe approaching, he started buzzing around lazily.
“Good morning, Si Nan,” he greeted him gently.
He heard the door to the lab close, Lu Feng had left.
“Keep making conversation with him like yesterday,” Dr. Jibran instructed. “Make sure to ask him any questions you think would interest him as a child.”
An Zhe thought about this. What did he usually do to get the younglings’ attention in the Garden of Eden? Sometimes he would tell them stories, they’d watch television or he would answer any questions the children had. If An Zhe were a child turned insect, what kind of questions would he have now?
“What does it feel like to be a bee?,” he inquired.
Si Nan flew from one side of the room to the other, but An Zhe didn’t understand what that meant. They continued this one-way chat for a while until an idea came to him and he turned to the doctor.
“Are there any games or books for children here? I could show them to him, maybe he’ll want to play or read.”
The doctor thought about it for a moment. “I don’t think so. We have a library, but we mostly keep scientific books there. You were his language teacher, right? I don’t think you’ll find any children's stories or poetry around here.”
“It’s okay. Maybe he’d be interested in learning about bees. Where is the library?”
The doctor instructed him to take the elevator and head three floors above. He would apparently find it all the way at the end of the hallway to the right. An Zhe never thought he would get such a good opportunity to leave the laboratory and explore the Lighthouse this soon, so he took it gratefully. This building was too big, though, and he felt he would need entire days of just walking around to make some progress. For now, he figured he’d go find the book anyway.
The library was an austere, cold place. It consisted of only two main rooms, and they were completely surrounded by metallic shelves. Books of all sizes and colours rested on them. In the middle of the room, a man sitting behind a desk was lazily typing on a keyboard. He looked up as An Zhe got close.
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you before. Are you new?,” he asked. He had brown, tousled hair, and his glasses looked crooked and dirty.
“I work as a teacher in the Garden of Eden. I’m here to temporarily assist Dr. Jibran with his research.”
At the doctor’s mention, his interest piqued even more.
“Hmm. It must be important then. Although for someone like him, most of the relevant information here is already backed up in our computers. What are you looking for?”
“Just…,” he thought about it, “do you have any books on bees?”
“Bees?” An Zhe could tell the request sounded a bit random. “Sure, uh, the biology section is out in the back in the next room. The entomology shelf is right next to the botanical one.”
“Thank you.”
The second room was laid out in the exact same way as the room before, and An Zhe wasted no time looking at the other sections. The word BIOLOGY was written in bold letters above the shelves in the far wall. He approached it decisively.
The first thing he noticed was that some of the books were protected by a crystal screen and looked rather ancient. Upon closer inspection, he saw a small tag at the bottom that read “Past era books.” They were works from over a hundred years ago. This piqued An Zhe’s curiosity and he stood there for a while, looking at them from behind the glass. He could tell the covers and colours of these books, though faded, were richer, brighter and more complex than the ones from more recent books, which all showcased solid, dull colours and black letters. It seemed like people in the past really cared about books.
He kept looking around and found a title that read Entomology of the new era, infectology, mutations and other phenomena. It was one of the newer books. He picked it up and opened the first page. It was just the title again, but right under there was a black and white image showing arthropods of different sizes and levels of mutation. He turned the page and found the index, which contained very scientific words. He tried to remember some of the things the doctor had mentioned these past few days, to see if anything rang familiar. One word finally stood out: hymenoptera. An Zhe was almost certain he’d heard the doctor use it to talk about Si Nan. He went to the indicated page and confirmed it: the section featured many images of bees and wasps with descriptions. He found it.
He closed the book and turned around to leave, but, for a reason he couldn’t explain, he looked back. He checked the books behind the glass once more and, in the botanical section, he saw one he had missed before; it had the prettiest cover of them all. The title read 1000 flowers of Eastern Asia, and the creamed-coloured cover exhibited a great variety of overlapping flowers of all kinds and shapes. He heard a voice right behind him.
“Did you find what you were looking for? Do you need any help?” The librarian must have gotten bored of typing.
“I did,” An Zhe replied. He heard the man step closer.
“They’re pretty, right? It’s a shame there’s really no reason to put illustrations on them like that anymore.”
“Why did they decorate them like this in the first place?”
“To sell them. People used to buy books all the time, there were so many of them that publishing houses would try to make them look as appealing as possible so that people would choose their books only for the cover,” he explained. Then, he shrugged and added, “that’s what I’ve heard anyway, but who knows.”
An Zhe tried to imagine large crowds of people at libraries and bookstores trying to snatch the prettiest books off the shelves before anyone else.
“Why are they behind a glass? Is it so that people won’t steal them?”
“No one’s interested in these things anymore. It’s just to protect them. They’re very old, you know, paper doesn’t withstand the passage of time very well.”
An Zhe hummed.
“Does Dr. Jibran need a book from the past era?”
An Zhe was about to say no, but he stopped himself. He wanted the flower book. It looked so colourful and beautiful, he’d seen some flowers in the abyss, but nothing like this. There was no way they’d let him take a book this old without good reason, though.
“Yes. Yes, he needs to compare some species and he needs to see real pictures from before,” he lied. “He asked me to bring this one back to the laboratory for a little while,” he pointed at the flower book.
“Uh… I transcribed that exact book about a year ago. The doctor should have all the information available for consultation in the database. The images were scanned and they don’t look the best, but…”
“He wants to see the images up close,” An Zhe immediately interrupted him.
“Right. Well, okay, you can take it. I’ll need to check your ID card at the desk and you guys need to bring it back before the day ends.” The librarian pulled out a set of keys from his pocket and picked a small one. He opened the glass cabinet with practiced ease and grabbed the book. “If that’s all, follow me.”
Once An Zhe left, he placed the books inside his bag and breathed out a sigh of relief. He’d managed to seize the book, and he was hopeful Si Nan would like it too. He wished recovering his spore was just as easy. Maybe he could also talk his way out of it. He hadn’t spent too much time inside the library, so he wondered if he could explore some more, even if just for a little bit, even if just to get to know the facility better. He stepped into the elevator and, instead of pressing the button back to the lab, he went one floor up.
The lobby outside was identical to the one below, and cold, bright lights illuminated the never-ending corridors. As he stepped out, An Zhe was hit with the realization that he could very easily get lost in a place like this. Nevertheless, he carried on. He wouldn’t really have time to go very far before the doctor started wondering where he was anyway.
As he approached the first corner, he started hearing voices coming from the right.
“Tell all the workers from the next floor to line up in the experimentation room, we’ll follow the same protocol…”
That voice sounded too familiar and An Zhe froze in his steps. In fact, he didn’t think he was familiar with any other voice in the whole world. He’d recognize him and only him from miles away. He swallowed and tried to turn back, but it was too late. The colonel nearly bumped into him, but nimbly avoided him.
“What are you doing here?,” he wasted no time in asking. Every time this man talked to him, he felt like he was being interrogated. An Zhe could feel his heart beating faster. Despite his inner conflict, the Colonel was unrelenting as always. His cold, steely eyes remained on him, waiting for an answer.
“I was looking for the library,” he replied meekly. “I thought Si Nan would like to see some books and that maybe we could get some kind of reaction from him.”
“You’re on the wrong floor,” the Colonel said, as if he was stating something obvious. Well, he was, An Zhe had to concede. Still, he needed to play along.
“Is this not the fifth floor?” He tried to sound as harmless as he could, remembering the faces and voices that the younglings would put on when trying to get out of trouble.
“Sixth floor.”
“Oh.” An Zhe noticed Lu Feng was surrounded by other officers and, next to him, Seraing was looking at him with an amused expression. He felt warmth spreading through his cheeks and, for a whole second, he wished he’d never become human. Mushrooms never had to deal with this kind of situation.
“I’ll go back to the elevator then,” he announced, and turned back before the Colonel got the idea to detain him on some absurd human charge, like the crime of walking down wrong corridors.
Next to Lu Feng, Seraing was smiling. “He’s rather peculiar, isn't he, Colonel?,” he asked lightly once An Zhe was out of sight.
“Peculiar or stupid, I still can’t decide.” His eyes remained trained on An Zhe’s direction and Seraing found his reaction even more amusing. The Colonel looked away. “Let’s keep going.”
An Zhe only dared to breathe normally again once he was back and safe in the laboratory. The doctor didn’t even look up when he opened the door. He could have stayed outside longer, he realized. However, there was no way he would’ve been able to come up with another convincing excuse if he’d run into the Colonel again. He already felt like a fugitive.
He approached Si Nan and started telling him about the library and all the different colourful books he saw. He showed him the bee book first, reading all the descriptions about bees and wasps out loud, while also showing him the illustrations and pictures. Then, he moved onto the flower book, but An Zhe seemed to be more excited than Si Nan about it. At some point, he even stopped talking, completely engrossed in his reading. Some of the flowers had a special meaning for humans of the past. They’d give each other certain types depending on the occasion, and some symbolized love, success, health, grief and more. Humans were indeed very strange, he didn’t think the flowers had such complex ideas about themselves.
In the back, he heard the doctor yawning.
“I guess you too are tired of this seemingly pointless work,” he said, “he continues reacting at intervals, but nothing constant. I can tell he had human reactions to the images, though, good job. I wonder if he needs a stronger input, maybe a picture of his classmates—”
At that moment, the Colonel walked in. He announced they hadn’t found any infected researchers yet, and the doctor sighed in relief.
“This still doesn’t explain anything, but I’m glad we’re all alive today, I guess.” Then, he looked at the clock hanging on the wall. “It’s time for lunch. An Zhe, why don’t you go get some rest? You’ve been a great help so far.”
Lu Feng was now staring at him and An Zhe could tell their encounter from earlier was still fresh in his mind. He tried his hardest not to react.
“Okay. I’ll be in the cafeteria then.” He stood up and grabbed his bag, moving past both the doctor and the Colonel and walking out into the hallway. He heard Lu Feng mutter something to the doctor behind the door, but he couldn’t make out the words and it wasn’t his business anyway.
Then, the door opened again. This man started following him. An Zhe was certain he didn’t trust him in this building. He was probably making sure he’d do exactly as he said he was going to do. He wanted to feel offended, but it was probably the smartest thing for the Colonel to do. His intentions weren’t good after all, so he couldn’t blame him. Still, he wondered how far he would go to keep him in check.
“You’re following me,” he stated, hoping Lu Feng would just be upfront about it so he could try to earn his trust back.
“I need to eat too,” Lu Feng said simply, but An Zhe didn’t believe it for a second. He just wanted to stop him from escaping to mysterious floors. He wouldn’t give him the satisfaction to affect him, though, so he continued walking towards the cafeteria with his head held high. Trailing behind him, the Colonel stayed silent.
Naïve as he was, An Zhe now realized, he’d thought the Colonel would at least sit at a different table and watch him from afar. No such luck. The man followed him all the way to the back of the canteen, holding his own food tray and sitting down across from An Zhe.
He won’t move me, An Zhe thought, as he started eating his own soup. However, he had to admit this was a good opportunity to get on the Colonel’s good side, a key aspect of his plan to recover his spore. He wasn’t really sure how to do that, though. As far as he knew, this man didn’t like to chat while eating. So, he ate most of his food in silence.
The television in the cafeteria was showing a report about a group of mercenaries coming back from the abyss, and he chose to focus on that instead for the time being. Aerial images of the wilderness appeared on screen. An Zhe stared at them, wondering what it would feel like to be a bird and fly over the vast expanse of the abyss everyday. He could have never imagined the world was so big, he had only been a mushroom in the soil. Even so, he felt a strange connection to the images. He belonged there, in the abyss, living an anonymous life with no thoughts or feelings. Instead, he was currently sitting in a human cafeteria trying to make sense of the man in front of him for the sake of his spore. He frowned. It was all this man’s fault, but he had to keep making an effort.
“I know it’s dangerous, but it must be pretty, the world outside,” An Zhe mentioned lightly, trying to sound as inconspicuous as he could while making conversation. Maybe it didn’t work, because Lu Feng raised an eyebrow and seemed to be analyzing him before answering.
“At the city gates. You were coming back from outside. Did you not find it pretty then?”
Oh. Of course. He had tried too hard.
“Back then…,” he thought of a believable excuse, “I was trying to survive. Not much time to look around and take things in.”
It seemed to be enough.
“I suppose so.”
“Do you like being outside?”
“It doesn’t matter if I like it, I must go.”
An Zhe gave him an unimpressed, stony stare. He knew the Colonel had to have a more interesting opinion than that. He then saw the ghost of a smile on his lips, and he added, “well, the air is cleaner and fresher. And from the top of the mountains the view is nice.”
That was better, so An Zhe smiled. Then, he remembered the book he’d picked out from the library, and fished it out of his bag.
“I got this from the Lighthouse’s library. It’s a book about flowers and plants from the past,” he explained, opening it at a random page. “Have you seen any of these flowers yourself? I thought they were very pretty.”
Lu Feng looked at it, a seemingly indifferent expression on his face, but he started flipping the pages all the same. He stopped for a second longer at a page dedicated to different species of roses, then he kept going.
“I’ve seen some of these,” he said. He arrived at a picture showing a group of medium sized white flowers, they were plump like roses and were blooming with lush petals. “Hmm. These are very rare in the abyss, I’ve only seen them once, but I’ve read they were popular before.”
An Zhe leaned over to the Colonel’s side to take a closer look, and read the picture’s description title: gardenia jasminoides. The flowers were the purest white he’d ever seen, and he thought it was unfair that this man, who was not from the abyss, had seen them and he hadn’t. Lu Feng raised his eyes and looked amused at An Zhe’s sudden proximity. Are you this unaware?, he seemed to be asking. Then, his expression darkened.
“You don’t seem the type to join a mercenary group. Why were you with that man at that time?”
An Zhe was shocked to hear the Colonel’s voice so close, and he looked up to find their eyes at the same level. Lu Feng was staring at him intently, and it occurred to An Zhe that he’d probably wondered about this before. He wasn’t sure what to say not to raise any suspicions, but he figured the closer he stuck to the truth the better. He searched in An Ze’s memories and told the Colonel about Josh, about how he convinced him to go outside with him, how he then left him to die and was rescued by pure chance. He left out the only part he had actually experienced himself, meeting An Ze for the first time and trying to save him.
While telling his story, Lu Feng’s face gave nothing away. He suddenly felt nervous and hoped his story had no inconsistencies. Before he could screw up, he stopped talking.
“You’re lucky you’re not dead,” the arbiter said after a moment. His voice sounded stern, maybe almost bored. He supposed he wasn’t as good of a storyteller as An Ze had been. An Zhe looked down at the flower book again, he grabbed it and leaned back on his chair.
“I still think it would have been nice to see flowers like these.”
Lu Feng regarded him attentively.
“Which ones are your favourites?”
“Oh… I don’t know.” He looked back at the images in the book, considering each one of the flowers seriously. “All of them are pretty,” he said and An Zhe suddenly felt the urge to eat them. “These ones, because you said they were popular a long time ago. I’m curious about the world before.”
Lu Feng didn’t say anything for a moment. Then, “I’ll bring them to you, so don’t go outside again.”
“But I wasn’t planning to,” he said, meeting the Colonel’s cruel eyes.
“Still. And choose better friends.”
An Zhe frowned at him. He hadn’t chosen Josh, but he was sure An Ze wasn’t to blame for it either. He had been a good person, but he couldn’t explain this to the Colonel. He looked down and decided to focus on what Lu Feng had just offered instead. Could he really see the flowers too? He thought that if anyone could make it happen, it would be the Colonel. An Zhe felt his relationship with him was improving, but could he call him a friend? They’d had supper together more than once. How many suppers did it take to become friends with someone? He thought deeply about this. If they were friends, would the Colonel be considered a good choice for him? People would probably disagree, since nobody ever tried to become close with him. He thought about all the things that had led him to be sitting with Lu Feng right now, and he felt a bit lightheaded.
“Are you finished?,” Lu Feng was looking down at his plate. An Zhe followed his eyes and realized he still had a bit of soup left. He got so distracted he forgot he was supposed to be eating, and all the hunger seemed to have faded.
“I am”, he said simply, and Lu Feng stood up, picking up his tray.
“Let’s go, then.”
At the corridor right outside the laboratory, the Colonel informed him he was needed somewhere else, and left promptly. An Zhe wondered if he’d walked him to the lab out of kindness in case he got lost, or out of concern in case he escaped somewhere else. He decided the latter was more likely. He walked back inside.
“Did you finish your lunch date?,” the doctor asked without looking up from his computer.
“Are there any flowers in the main city?,” An Zhe asked instead.
“Hmm. Only here and at the Garden of Eden, I’d guess. For research purposes.”
“Could someone ever bring one home?”
“Not allowed,” he said matter-of-factly. After a moment, “why? Do you want flowers?”
He was about to say something about Lu Feng’s earlier promise, but he didn’t want to get the Colonel in trouble. Truthfully, he didn’t think such a thing was possible, no one really dared to touch him. He stayed quiet anyway, and the doctor looked at him with curiosity.
Years later, he and Lu Feng would spend entire weeks in the abyss, the whole world now safer than it had been in more than a hundred years. Some of An Zhe’s favourite human memories now belonged to the wilderness as well. He enjoyed spending entire mornings and afternoons exploring in silence with Lu Feng most of all, even if his search for An Ze’s cave had brought no results yet. Sometimes, he would carry him on his back when he became too tired, and nestling into the crook of his neck now came as natural to An Zhe as turning his arms into mycelium and burying them in the soil.
This morning, he’d finished washing their clothes in a nearby creek and was using the branches of a small tree as a makeshift hanger. They were in a new territory, a region full of meadows that contrasted heavily with the drier and rockier areas they had been exploring last week. Here, the animals and plants were much more diverse, and the tall grass was filled with grasshoppers flying around with butterfly wings and hairy dragonflies the size of small rabbits. Lu Feng had left a while ago to scout the perimeter before deeming it safe, and had instructed An Zhe to go back to the armoured vehicle if anything seemed suspicious.
There is nothing suspicious here, he thought, making eye contact with a feathered frog that kept looking down at him from one of the tallest branches.
“Have you seen An Ze’s cave?,” he wondered out loud, but just like Lu Feng’s, the frog’s steady and unreadable gaze gave him no answer. He sighed. He had a feeling this one would turn out to be another failed attempt at finding An Ze’s remains. He hung one of Lu Feng’s shirts next.
Suddenly, he heard rustling coming from the line of trees in front of him, right where the forest became dense and the light stopped entering with no resistance. He wasn’t afraid, the muted steps that came from the damp padding of leaves covering the forest floor were too familiar by now.
He spotted his icy green eyes first, and for half a second An Zhe thought of a predator, gaze completely fixed on his prey. He ignored the way his heart skipped a beat after sensing the danger, as he was used to his body reacting in all sorts of strange ways when it came to this man. Instead, he quickly scanned his body and maintained eye contact once he confirmed he wasn’t injured.
“Hey,” Lu Feng greeted him, his voice a lot softer than his impenetrable gaze. He closed the distance between them and placed a hand on the back of An Zhe’s head, bringing him closer and leaning down to place a kiss on his forehead.
“Everything okay?” An Zhe asked lightly. He knew nothing was wrong as soon as he saw Lu Feng’s relaxed expression, but there was something, a sort of glint, in his eyes that made An Zhe feel intrigued. It was barely even there, and if he hadn’t known this man for a while now, a mushroom like him would have never been able to tell the difference. But he did: the Colonel looked excited.
“I found something,” Lu Feng said, confirming his suspicions. “I want to show you.” He dropped the hand that was still in An Zhe’s hair and grabbed his fingers instead, gently pulling him towards him.
“Is it a cave?,” he asked incredulously.
“No, it’s not An Ze. It’s…,” Lu Feng didn’t finish and, instead, gave him a meaningful look. “You’ll know when you see it.”
“Can I finish hanging the clothes to dry?”
Lu Feng pursed his lips, looking uncharacteristically impatient, but he let go of An Zhe’s hand and nodded. He was always gentle and never rushed him unless it was a serious matter. The sight of him stepping to the side to wait for An Zhe made him feel as if someone were squeezing his heart, and he decided that the clothes could wait. If they took too long, he’d just wash them again.
“No,” he turned to face him, “take me now.”
Lu Feng’s lips curled in a playful grin and he extended his hand.
“It won’t take long,” he promised.
An Zhe took it. “I don’t mind,” he reassured him, a small smile tugging at his lips as well. They walked away from the clearing and towards the thickness of the forest. The floor was dank and slippery, traces of dew and rain yet to be dried by a timid sun. Lu Feng tightened his grip when An Zhe stumbled slightly after stepping on a smooth rock.
“Careful.” He placed his other hand on his waist to help him regain his balance. “You okay?,” he asked softly, rubbing the skin under his shirt.
“Yeah,” An Zhe replied. “This forest is so…wet…,” he observed.
“Mm. It’s a good thing,” he assured him. “Don’t let go, we’re almost there.”
They continued walking for only a few minutes, skipping over dead branches and protruding roots, making their way through the trees until the foliage relented a little. There weren’t any new clearings in front of them, but the top of the trees opened enough for a sliver of sunshine to filter down straight onto the forest floor. The rays hit an area right on top of a hollowed log that was surrounded by small white mushrooms, and Lu Feng guided him towards it. When they got closer, An Zhe noticed a group of white flowers greeting them right behind the log, small drops of dew resting on their velvety petals.
“They’re gardenias!,” he exclaimed, not bothering to contain his excitement as he knelt in front of the log. He had only seen the flower in the book from the Lighthouse, that day all those years ago, but he remembered it like it was yesterday. Next to him, the Colonel knelt as well, putting a hand on his back as An Zhe admired the blossoms.
“They love the humidity,” Lu Feng provided. “I’m sorry I didn’t bring them to you back then,” he added after, voice low and charged with feeling. An Zhe turned to look at him and, even though his face remained as calm as ever, he knew he hadn’t imagined the sadness in his words. He’d always wanted to ask.
“At that time, did you mean it? I asked Dr. Jibran after and he told me people weren’t allowed to bring flowers home.”
“Well, it was risky, but it could be done if I asked for clearance,” he paused for a moment, as if considering whether to say the next thing or not. “I used to bring roses to my mother, remember?”
An Zhe wanted to keep listening to Lu Feng, so he only nodded.
“You looked really happy reading about the flowers. I thought you were just curious, but looking back, it made sense. You probably missed the abyss, the outside world.” Lu Feng made a pause, and looked down with a faint crease in his brow. “It must have been hard.”
An Zhe didn’t respond fast enough, so the Colonel looked back up, and suddenly smirked, traces of his sorrow gone. He pinched his cheek. “Mushrooms don’t belong in concrete cities, did you know?”
It was An Zhe’s turn to frown, but he wasn’t as affected by this form of bullying as he had been in the past. This person had found new, crueler ways to bully him after all. “It was okay,” he swapped the hand away without force or malice, and looked back at the flowers. “I was comfortable with you.”
He might have not realized it at that time, but it was true. Back then, he used to think the Colonel was a menace, and a danger to both his spore and himself, but even if his mind hadn’t trusted him yet, his heart had, blindly. He’d always felt safe when Lu Feng was next to him, and he had made An Zhe’s life at the base comfortable, and even fun, many times. He remembered his spore floating towards him and smiled faintly at the memory that had once caused him grievance.
Lu Feng was now stroking his back, and he kept looking at the flowers and all their little details, all their different sizes and slightly unique shapes. He turned his right hand into mycelium and extended his hyphae towards them, the touch light enough that the small petals didn’t even move.
Lu Feng read his mind.
“Don’t eat them.”
“When I saw them in the book I wanted to eat them. I’ve waited too long.”
He carefully cut one petal and brought it to his mouth, licking the edge that had been torn. He felt Lu Feng’s gaze on him, but he didn’t stop him. He licked the dew off the rest of the petal, then put it whole in his mouth and swallowed it.
“It’s somehow sweet,” he concluded.
“Should I try it?” Lu Feng asked.
He thought about it for a moment, it was unusual of him to want to partake in his experiments. Then, he nodded and reached towards the flowers to pluck another petal, but before he could do anything, Lu Feng grabbed his wrist and stopped him.
“Not that.” He swiftly reached over, held his neck with his other hand and kissed him deeply. An Zhe sighed into the kiss, but as he started to relax and let him take over, his movements became more urgent and Lu Feng bit harshly on his lower lip. He broke the kiss and looked at him with hungry eyes.
“You’re right,” he gave him a softer peck, “it’s sweet.”
He was in too much of a daze to react or get angry, half lidded eyes still unfocused and lips glistening with tiny droplets of blood. Lu Feng wasn’t looking away.
An Zhe felt him licking the blood off his lip, but he could barely focus. His mind was there, but also elsewhere, joining the white flowers and the plants that bloomed with them. They’d ended up in that patch of the forest by chance, and only were able to grow when the branch of a taller tree fell down and created a clearing in the canopy large enough for more sunlight to pass through. The plants were happy and these were their first flowers. They were discovering for the first time the joy of insects pollinating them, and the warmth of the longer days of spring. They felt immensely alive.
He closed his eyes for a few seconds, then opened them again and the whole world was brighter. Every edge was sharper and he felt he could see the pollen floating in the air, he thought he could count the crevices and furrows of every tree if he wanted, and discover entire worlds under the leaves. He breathed in the humidity in the air and then looked up to find Lu Feng gazing at him, his expression a mix of tenderness and desire. His eyes were no longer just the aurora, but also the whole universe hidden behind it and An Zhe was convinced he could spend his entire life looking at them and he’d still find new surprises, undiscovered green specks of light, places he’d never noticed before.
“You’re beautiful,” he said as if in a trance, as his eyes continued to travel to all corners of his face. He ran his fingers through his hair, softly scratching his scalp, and watched as Lu Feng’s eyes fluttered closed. He then started stroking his left ear, stopping at his earlobe for a bit before moving onto his cheek and holding it sweetly. Lu Feng leaned into his touch, his breathing a bit ragged now. He opened his eyes and they were darker than before.
I knew it, An Zhe thought, they’re new every time I look at them. His body felt light and, at the same time, he felt rooted to the land, secure and strong. He wanted to fly, he wanted to lie flat against the ground. The perfect middle ground for both was right in front of him, so he climbed on top of Lu Feng, hid his face in his neck and leaned against his chest. Reflexively, Lu Feng opened his arms to welcome him and held him firmly.
“Is this about the flowers?,” he asked, voice a little hoarse.
“Mhm,” he replied. “They’re so alive. It’s their first spring.”
“And you?”
“I feel very alive. I can see you so well.” He tried to snuggle even closer.
“Can you feel me too?,” he whispered in his ear now, his right hand reaching underneath his shirt, tightly holding his waist. He produced the smallest, quietest moan and Lu Feng felt the goosebumps rise on An Zhe’s warm skin. He nibbled his neck.
An Zhe could barely think, he was all feeling. Lu Feng touched his cheek and asked him in a commanding tone, “look at me.”
So he did, and was kissed fiercely again while Lu Feng buried his fingers in his tousled hair. He then parted An Zhe's lips with his tongue and he thought he’d be completely consumed by this man. Lu Feng only let him go to breathe, touching their foreheads together and gazing at him lovingly while he panted.
“Is here okay?,” Lu Feng asked with a hint of desperation in his voice, as he continued to trail kisses all over his face and neck. An Zhe was yet to get used to the way the Colonel would sometimes let his raw emotions drip through his words. “Hmm?,” he pushed, nudging him with his nose when An Zhe gave him no answer.
He knew what he was asking. He didn’t know what he was asking.
He nodded. “Please,” he pleaded in a whisper.
“Shh, it’s okay.” Lu Feng leaned back against the log, carefully avoiding the flowers and mushrooms, and brought An Zhe with him, sitting him more comfortably on his lap. He looked deep into his eyes, hazed and lit with desire. He kept holding his waist under the fabric with his palm completely open, as if he were trying to cover as much skin as he could in every stroke. He brushed his belly and moved upwards to his ribs, taking his time to feel all the gaps between them. Then, he brought his hand to his back and scratched his skin all the way to his lower back. An Zhe squirmed under his touch, closing his eyes, overwhelmed.
“You’re so sensitive today,” he noticed, amused.
This person was bullying him again, but he didn’t have the mind to do anything about it. Despite his mocking tone, he opened his eyes to find the Colonel looking at him with a serious, strangely dangerous expression. He lifted An Zhe’s shirt and bit his chest, on a spot slightly above his nipple. He licked and kissed it better when An Zhe hissed in pain, and he looked up to meet his eyes.
“I should’ve found those flowers earlier.” In one single motion, Lu Feng removed his shirt and he swore he could feel the cold morning air prickling every single pore of his skin. He shuddered, but was immediately warmed up by the feeling of Lu Feng’s arms enveloping his back, his hands firmly anchoring themselves on his shoulder blades and his waist.
An Zhe leaned forward and returned the favour by biting his lip with force before kissing him with newfound intensity, tugging at his hair with his hands. He was sweeter than the flowers, An Zhe realized in a haze, before completely abandoning all conscious thoughts. More wildly now, he kissed him again and again.
He would need to wash the clothes once more.