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Nagi feels hollow.
There’s something poking and prodding at his ribcage, splintering and cracking the fragile bones.
He doesn’t know what it is.
Ever since being locked off from Blue Lock, the buzzing in his ear is a little louder. He feels a little more empty every day. If his glass was half empty before, its contents have spilled out, leaving only a few droplets behind. He doesn’t know how many he still has left in him.
He should be happy, right? He always thought soccer was a chore anyways. Now, he has all the time in the world to play the 13 unopened games on his console. He should be happy, so why isn’t he?
Eat, sleep, repeat. Eat, sleep, repeat. The mantra that’s been playing on loop in his head. He tells himself life should be easier now. All the things he complains about are… gone. Everything should be easier, but it’s not. That’s too bad. Living is such a hassle. It takes more and more energy each time to find the will to drag himself out of bed. The bags under his eyes grow darker. His skin is tightening around his bones, losing its muscle.
His house feels too big for him. He’s a fly on the wall in his own home; buzzing and squealing, waiting to be squashed. It’s quiet; too quiet. He drowns in the silence flooding him. Well, at least he has Choki.
Everyone in school treats him like a celebrity. They worship him, practically. People have started talking to him; noticing him. Yet even surrounded by all of this, Nagi feels more alone than ever.
Reo.
He misses Reo. He misses his stupid jokes, the way he said Nagi’s name, his smile, his voice, his touch, his care, his everything.
Reo was solace. He was warmth and light and hope. Nagi’s world turned upside down the day he met him. His monochrome colors turned golden and iridescent. Reo made him feel alive. He introduced him to soccer and for once in his life, made him feel a flicker of passion. He gave Nagi everything, but it still wasn’t enough. Reo gave him the world, when he wanted the universe.
Nagi was an idiot. A big, stupid idiot for ever letting someone like Reo get away. He treated him like trash; pushing him away in an attempt to be “strong enough” for him. Look where that got him. He hurt Reo and he has no right to wallow in his self pity like this. Honestly, he deserves it.
But now that he’s gone, Reo can finally bloom. Nagi’s nothing more than a weed; a thorn in Reo’s side that had to be extracted eventually. He just wasn’t expecting to be pulled out so soon. He’ll admit, seeing Reo cry broke off a small part of himself. But it was for the best. He didn’t need Nagi.
It was selfish of Nagi to impose himself on Reo’s dream. “We’ll win the world cup together, Nagi!” Reo told him, an eternity ago.
Tch, what a stupid thought.
Besides, he doesn’t like soccer anyways. He doesn’t.
It’s easier to forget about these things.
“What about Reo?”
Even outside of Blue Lock, Mikage Reo still seems to follow his every move. It’s an innocent question, really. Just some girl in his class, curious about their dynamic.
It still stings like a harsh slap to the face.
“Forget it,” Nagi says, pushing himself out of his chair. “It’s all over now.”
He glances at the field outside, watching the blades of grass twirl and dance in the wind. There’s a worn down soccer ball lying there, weathered by time. It sits alone, isolated from the rest of the world.
“I’m done with soccer.”
The next few days are a blur of school he doesn’t care about, video games, junk food, and a total of 4 hours of sleep. It’s not a healthy lifestyle, but Nagi never claimed to have one.
He’s biking home from school when he sees it. The massive Blue Lock U-20 billboard is honestly a little hard to miss. He hears small whispers around him about how cool they are and how awesome they are at soccer. He can’t help but think that he could’ve been there too.
Rin, Isagi, and Shidou’s supersized faces stare back at him, almost gloating. He can’t stop himself from remembering how he used to be right there beside them, playing soccer next to each other. The blue light spills onto his body, illuminating the street behind him. Suddenly, he’s feeling things he doesn’t want to feel. He’s thinking things he doesn’t want to think.
He remembers Blue Lock—the fire that once lived inside him reduced to embers and wisps. He remembers the thrill and the rush that scoring a goal made him feel.
Nagi remembers, and wishes he didn’t.
He only really spent five minutes there, but it felt like an eternity. The memories pull him deeper and deeper, sucking him in like a riptide. The nostalgia only makes things worse—the hollowness in his chest grows, prodding at his ribs and clawing at the surface.
It’s fine though. It doesn’t matter.
It doesn’t.
He’s sad. He’s sad about it.
It takes him a while to realize it, but he’s sad.
He lays his head on his arms, peering out the window. He sees a bunch of kids playing soccer together, smiles lighting up their faces. It reminds him of his own first time playing with Reo.
The rush of the stadium, the roar of the crowds, the fire ignited in Blue Lock is something he can’t get back. He misses the high soccer gave him. The excitement that overtook him in those fleeting yet untouchable experiences.
He should’ve tried harder. He should’ve held onto those moments and never let go. He should’ve done something for once in his sorry life.
He wants to go back. He wants to go back so badly it hurts and pulls at his heart. He wants to play soccer and get better and feel alive again. He wants to see Reo again.
His face is wet now. He wonders why. He brings a finger to his eye, feeling drops stream down. Oh, he thinks idly. I’m crying. He hasn’t cried in a long time. It doesn’t feel good.
His whole body begins to shake, wracked with sobs. He tries to curl in on himself to make it stop. His eyes sting. His head hurts. His heart aches. He wants to go back, but he can’t. Not anymore.
Reo’s been drifting for a while, but there are still two things he knows for certain. Fact number one: He’s madly in love with Nagi Seishiro. He has been for a while. Ever since that moment in the stairwell, ever since their first soccer game, ever since he’s known him he’s loved him. When Nagi was locked off, a hole pierced itself into Reo’s heart. A hole that grows bigger and bigger every day he’s gone.
Fact number two: Reo is going to get Nagi back, no matter what. He decided it the second Nagi walked out of Blue Lock. He’s prepared to face the consequences; he doesn’t care anymore. All he knows is that he needs to be with Nagi.
“Reo-kun? Earth to Reo?” Reo jolts his head up to be met with Bachira’s face looming over his seat. “Finally, you’d been staring out that window for so long I thought you were sleeping with your eyes open!”
Reo forces a small smile. “Just… thinking.”
The bus comes to a startling halt. Reo pokes his head out the side to see they’ve stopped at a traffic light. Great.
He sighs, returning to his seat. Nagi…
If there’s one strength he’d say he has, it’s that Reo thinks before acting. So Reo thinks. Then Reo acts.
He clambers out of his seat, running to the front like a madman. Ego stands annoyed, almost daring him to say something.
“Ego-san, please forgive me. When we come back, please accept us into Blue Lock again!” he says, bowing.
“We?”
Reo makes his way down the steps as the bus door slides open. He turns back and shoots a grin.
“Nagi and I, sir.”
With that, he bolts off into a crossing, not caring where he ends up.
“Tch, kids these days.” Ego murmurs, shaking his head. “I have to admit though, they are interesting.”
Okay, so maybe Reo didn’t completely think this through. I mean, where was he even planning to go after getting dropped off? This is just great. He’s in the middle of nowhere and he doesn’t know where Nagi is and he has no plan and-
“Reo?”
Nagi stands behind him, wearing his school uniform and a backpack on one shoulder. Reo can’t help but notice how crappy he looks. The bags under his eyes are significantly darker and his shirt hangs off his shoulders. His face is gaunt and pale and he looks like he just… cried?
“You… came back. Wait, why are you here?”
Tears well in Reo’s eyes, clouding his vision. He runs to the other boy, wrapping his arms around him and embracing him. “I’m here for you.I can’t keep staying in Blue Lock if it means I can’t be with you. Nagi, I love you, and I have for so long that I-“
He is swiftly cut off by a kiss on the lips. Nagi’s lips are soft and warm and feel like a blanket. They stay like that for a while, just the two of them in the middle of the bustling city.
Nagi pulls away… smiling? It’s the first time Reo’s ever seen such an expression on his face.
“Reo, I want to go back to Blue Lock. I know you do too. How are we gonna do it, though?”
Reo smiles. “I think Ego-san will have a little mercy on us.”