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Ash remembers being given his train set. His dad bought it for his birthday when he was eight fox-years old. Dad helped him set it up on a table in his room, telling him stories about the times he and mom ran around the train tracks. Once it was finished, Ash watched it go around and around in circles for hours, entranced.
Just like now. Except Kristofferson is here, and it’s a new train set. They couldn’t recover the old one from the wreckage of their tree home.
They’re sitting in Ash’s new bedroom, watching the little train go around and around in circles in silence. Even now that Kristofferson has moved to their side of the river, into the sewer with his dad, Ash and Krisofferson don’t talk much. They have sleepovers where they don’t speak for hours at a time. They hardly interact at school. They don’t have anything to say to each other.
Terrible things happened to them, together. Three terrible things to be exact - Boggis, Bunce and Bean. Neither of them know how to talk about it. Mom and Dad like to pretend nothing ever happened. It’s hard to discuss something with people who always shut them down and change the subject.
Beside him, Kristofferson starts to whimper. Ash puts his paw on the side of Kristofferson’s face and lowers his head onto his shoulder. Kristofferson nuzzles into Ash’s cape, tears dripping onto the fabric.
“What was it this time?” Ash asks quietly.
“I was in the apple crate.” Kristofferson mumbles.
Kristofferson has flashbacks a lot. Nightmares too, but even in the middle of the day he zones out until he’s whimpering and shaking, reliving it all.
Ash doesn’t really get all that. Instead he feels on edge all the time, like the other shoe is about to drop. Something is coming to get him and his family. Every creak in the pipes makes him jump. When friends visit he assesses them for any sign that they might betray them, or mean him harm.
He gets a lot of headaches. Sometimes he can’t hear himself think over the buzzing in his ears.
“You aren’t in the apple crate anymore.” Ash reminds him. “Dad says we’re safe down here.”
Kristofferson whimpers again. “I just want it to stop.”
“Maybe you can tell Agnes about it. That might help.” Ash suggests.
“Can I talk to you?”
Ash pauses for a moment, considering. He isn’t used to talking about feelings. Agnes would definitely be better at it. But Agnes isn’t here - she isn’t here most of the time.
So Ash says, “Yeah, okay.”
So they talk. They try to make sense of what happened. Neither of them remembers it the same but they fill in the gaps for each other.
When they run out of things to say, they start to talk about trains, about sports, about comics and TV and anything else they find in common. Ash finds that he likes Kristofferson despite his early resentment. Now that they aren’t at odds, they get along.
Kristofferson still has nightmares. Ash still flinches at the slightest noise. Sometimes they still fight over petty things.
They find their middle ground.