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Deeply gazing at the horizon, sunset's breeze shaking his dark hair, he let out a long breath. In the sky, a battle of warm colors, orange reigning supreme as yellow, tried to counterattack, encasing the buildings with rays akin to flame. Dark, long shadows stretched away, warning all living things — that cared — about the need to hide as the night was coming. A sole figure stood on what was left of a roof, most of the building dismantled beyond repair, caved onto itself for unknown, but easy to distinguish, reasons.
Human? Neohuman? Monster? Especial Infectee? What he was didn't matter anymore, nor did he have an answer for it if it did. He was just a man, alone and lost in an apocalypse, still holding on in a feeble thread of hope dangling in his fingers, never really staying, never really steering away. If needed to be given a category, a name for his kind, a “Walking Contradiction” would work well enough. Never too alive, never too dead, something in the middle.
Once suicidal, now something with a crave of surviving so he could live, so others could live. Where did that drive to protect and keep on came from? He didn't want to dwell further to know.
Not like he had time to waste anyway.
Every day became increasingly more tiresome, weighting more and more on him until he couldn't properly move for at least a day. For what is worth, he was glad this was happening since he was helping a lot of people, giving them a reason to believe in a better future, one where they would strive instead of cower in fear of being torn apart. Still, getting inside monster's heads, convincing people out of their fantasies to bring them to reality was such a Herculean task.
Talking wasn't his strong suit, meddling into other people's business also was a no-go, so it was hard to go against his principles and learn on the go. They weren't like Yi-Kyung's case, suffering inside for being forced to give up their will. No, they were happy. Perfect families, earnest achieved dreams, carefully crafted desires. Pulling them out, convincing, pleading, fighting, was enough to give him his own spiral. After “demonsterizing” a good chunk of people in a few days, he felt lethargic, unresponsive, like a barely flicking light warning about its give out.
One day, the first time it happened, he just passed out for a full day, waking up disoriented, buffering slowly. He took a pause for a few days before going back at it — not a full pause, since he still had to work on rebuilding the safe place, going on supply hunts, and others. He learned how to understand when to pause, when it was too much. With that, he'd warn the Crows, sleep away or stay away for a while. Take a minute to breath before letting responsibilities catch his tail again.
This wasn't one of those moments though.
Yes, he was tired, however it wasn't because of helping monsters find their way back to square one in the “evolution scale”, it was because of the neohumans.
One in particular, actually.
One that was, at this moment, in the exact roof as him, watching him like a predator ready to pounce on prey, or a scientist dissecting its specimen.
He hates being looked at like that by him, it filled his stomach with an unknown combination of feelings he just wanted to extinguish .
‘Maybe if I ignore him, he'll go away.’ He thought, holding a sigh.
Sitting down on the ledge, head on the arm resting on his knee, he closed his eyes, just enjoying the feeling of being embraced by the sun for the last time that day. Quiet, warm, peaceful.
Peace wasn't really something he could have for long, since the intruder had to sit by him, side flush to his own.
Still staring.
Holding a frustrated groan, he kept his face neutral, eyelids not daring to open for even one second.
— “For how long will you pretend I'm not here?” — Sharp, cold tone slipped past the neohuman's lips. His everyday tone.
Not daring to give the satisfaction of an answer, not even a reaction, he stood at the same position. Not even an eyelash move, or a biting of cheek — even if he really wanted to.
Sometime ticked away, world still in motion while he wanted to freeze it away to have a fraction more of a tranquil moment. Unfortunately, he couldn't appreciate this, since it was being rudely interrupted by a tight pressed against his own and a face pressed close to his shoulder, watching intently. He couldn't lie, something jumped on his chest, fluttered on his stomach, making it hard to stay quiet.
Certainly unnerving, creepy even. Of course the lack of boundaries of neohumans made them that way, however that guy was like this before his transformation; it just felt like it was pumped to the maximum now. Others would say that Hyun-Su was exaggerating, since he didn't act like that with them. It was not his fault the other was always like that with him, though.
It felt like Eun-Hyeok had a preference for being too close to Hyun-Su.
A deliberate choice or force of habit? He would never know. Nevertheless, it was confusing. Also, annoying, since he had to have his personal space ignored all the time. Annoying for other reasons as well, ones he didn't want to acknowledge.
— “If you really want me to go away, it will be easier if you talk to me. You can't ignore me forever.”
Groaning, not taking it anymore, he let his forehead crease, opening his eyes slightly to look judgmentally at the older.
— “I think I could, actually.” — He said, voice tired.
— “Doubt it. Even so, I'd wait until you broke.” — For a second it looked like he'd move away, but he just rejusted himself to turn more towards Hyun-Su.
— “Nah, pretty sure you'd leave way before that.”
— “I really wouldn't. I'm pretty patient.”
— “Yeah, patient.” -- He rolled his neck until it cracked, finally turning a bit to stare at the neohuman's eyes. — ”Different way to say you have nothing better to do.” — His mouth stretched in a smirk.
— “I have a lot of things to do.” — Shrugging, Eun-Hyeok put one of his legs on the other side of where they were sitting, now fully facing the younger.
— “Doesn't look like it.” — Pursing his lips, his eyebrow raised.
— “And you?”
— “Hm?”
— “You have a lot of things to do. So why are you wasting time here?”
— “Wasting-? You are such an asshole. I'm resting.” — His hands went to smooth his hair to alleviate tension, already wanting to go anywhere else to avoid him.
— “Already tired? I expected more from you. Maybe you are getting weaker.” — Lips quirked up, a ghost of a real smirk adorning his lips.
Impressively, Eun-Hyeok was getting better at expressions. Better at pretending, maybe. Or actually starting to feel something — one could only hope. Unfortunately for Hyun-Su, he did hope a lot.
— “I'm gonna chuck you out of this roof.” — No malice behind the bite, he stared at the other in an impassive way, matching his monotone voice.
— “You could try.” — Like a puppy, he turned his head to the side, something akin to amusement passing through vacant, void eyes.
— “Don't tempt me.”
— “Never did such a thing.” — Another shrug.
Letting a deep breath out, Hyun-Su gazed at the horizon one last time before, finally, turning fully to face his… friend? Acquaintance? Once maybe--friend, now kind of a stranger? Anyway, he mirrored his stance, his own more frustrated and hunched while the other made himself straight and square, like a statue that gained life still adjusting to human integration.
— “What do you want, Eun-Hyeok?” — Defeated, he spoke. Simultaneously fed up and curious.
— ”Do I need to want something?”
— ”You followed me, almost climbed on my lap to get my attention and stayed put waiting until I answered you. So, yes, you have to want something.”
The neohuman hummed, a sound that sounded like mock thinking trying — failing — to be realistic. One of his eyes quivered in annoyance as he waited for the sarcastic bastard to stop his theatrics.
Somehow, he wanted to laugh, since he never expected how much the other relied on witty, sarcastic laced humor to talk. During their survival at Green Home, they didn't really interact much, well, not in a profound way at least. He only caught a glimpse of the real Eun-Hyeok when he mocked Eun-yus's crush, but it was short--lived as he went back to his neutral robotic bitch resting face right after.
Now, as they had more time to be around one another, he saw even less of his true personality since it was basically all gone because of his “evolution”. Go figure that taking emotions out of a human, it becomes just a shell of what it once was. All personality, interest, everything was gone, taken away for “a greater good”; a load of bullshit, in his opinion.
Sometimes, he lingered on how it could've been between them if the apocalypse didn't claw its way in. Would they be friends? Would they never interact? Would Hyun-Su already be gone in irreversible ways?
What could've changed if things stayed the way they were? What would stay the same?
He'd never know.
— "I didn't ‘almost climb on your lap’. You exaggerate a lot.” — After a bit, he rebutted, making a spectacle of rolling his eyes.
— ”Seriously? That's what you are focusing on?” — Deadpanned.
— ”Why wouldn't I?”
— ”Talking to you is like playing a game of ‘only questions’. For fucks sake, you are insufferable.” — Pinching in between his eyes, the younger man held a groan.
— ”You sound angry.”
— ”Frustrated. Not that you would know the difference.”
— “Or maybe, you angry, and you frustrated sound the same.”
— “Yeah, just like you being annoying and being alive are the same.”
— “I don't follow.”
— “You seem to follow a lot. Me, actually.”
— “You are too literal.”
— “Me- what?! You can't call me that when you are like this.” — He gestured at the neohuman, both hands sizing him up and down as to show enough explanation.
— “Like this?”
— “One more question and I'm killing you.”
— “I thought we were past that. I don't die.”
— “Yes, you do die. You just rebirth after cocooning. Still time enough for me to go away.”
— “I would find you anyway.”
— “I’ll be sure to be dead by then.” — This time, it was his time to roll his eyes, a slight traitorous smirk showing itself.
— “... Don't joke about that.”
Certainly a reaction that caught Hyun-Su off guard. Not a statement, nor an attempt at humor, it was a flawed response. With a break before it commenced, low cadence that wasn't natural nor threatening, it was small and held fragility. What really sold the crack in the face of the sculpture of a human in front of him was the slight twinge of brows wanting to knit, a fraction of a second showing a forehead crease, nostril flare and upturn of lips. So fast, so foreign that if he blinked, he would've missed.
Somehow, the idea of losing Hyun-Su brought a distaste in Eun-Hyeok that was a tad unwelcome, to the point of making him reflect an expression he wasn't supposed to be able to do anymore — not like this, not this naturally.
Dark humor, that was only it. He wasn't suicidal anymore, only some dark thoughts here and there plus a lot of nightmares because of everything he had to experience and had experienced, nothing too major to raise concern. Joking about his death was cathartic after so long cowering from the slight insinuation about it. A way to grab his dark past into a new, more under control, beginning. It wasn't anything serious, he knew, made sure to show it in his tone too.
Joke or not, Eun-Hyeok didn't like it.
If Hyun-Su’s heart hammered a bit louder because of this, he made sure to suppress it.
— “Hey, chill. It was just a joke, really.” — Scratching at his neck sheepishly, he averted his gaze.
— “Not something to be joking around.” — He said steadily this time.
— “Ok, ok. Wow, you don't need to be so serious.” — He laughed, nervous, not knowing how to deal with the increasing awkwardness settling in.
— “Hyun-Su.”
— “Yeah?” — Eyes meeting again, black and dark brown holding tight into one another, expecting who would drown first.
— “Don't ever say that again. You… Your death is not a joke to be made.”
— “Why are you… Whatever. Look, don't be pressed about something so minor. It's just humor.” — Hyun-Su drowned first, facing the city fully to keep himself afloat. Apart from the warm darkness the other had.
— “There's nothing humorous about this.”
— “You just don't get it.”
— “And I never will. I never would. Not about you.” — Eun-Hyeok said strongly, a dash of misplaced softness enlacing the words kindly as he kept admiring the younger.
At that, he stood quiet, biting his tongue to not let his questions slip. Hyun-Su didn't understand.
The way the other was perturbed by such a small saying was unnerving, unexpected. He believed it would stay as a one time thing, an unconscious act reflecting deeper considerations that would disappear after a beat or two. However, it kept going. Eun-Hyeok, each time, looked, sounded more frustrated with the talk, almost seeing it as an argument, treating it as one. His voice held finality, but also held a hidden plea.
Sometimes, it was easy to let his mind attempt to keep itself steady with the knowledge that he would never get the people he once interacted with, that now are a new species, back. They would always be copies of each other, using the same black clothing, using the same jargons, robotic to a fault. In moments like this one, though, it was incredibly hard to pretend to not feel how his heart wanted to cry blood until it had nothing left to feed itself, until it became dry and stopped beating so it would not have to deal with its own ache.
He wanted to reach, to hold the strings of faux promises created by his illusions, to be able to bring them back to their old selves, to believe that it could be true. As much as he hoped, prayed and cried for it to happen, he had to accept it wouldn't.
So why was it so painful to see how much it was obtainable?
Could it be another lie? Was he falling for manipulation again? Was he being blind to the real world again?
Was it wrong to believe that, maybe, just maybe Eun-Hyeok was really feeling something?
Worst of all, he was feeling something because of Hyun-Su .
They stood quiet, long pause, overdrawing until it could be considered pregnant. One was too unsettled to try to talk again, while the other was in an unusual silence. Normally, Eun-Hyeok would be staring to get into people's skin, liking to observe them squirm and lose their temper since his silence was worse than being nagged at. He'd talk as if all was a statement, no room for arguments or for disagreeing. His silence was the same, something heavy that brought people to where he wanted them to go, to follow just to make him stop.
This one sited as a question, uncomfortable for going unanswered and unconformable for being asked. Uncommon for both parties, breaching a barrier that was put up for comfort, for their mental protection. Its cracks letting a mildly thick layer of questions and more questions seep through, suffocating them with conflicting thoughts.
As if trying to regain control of the interaction, Eun-Hyeok spoke up.
— “I wanted-” — He cleared his throat, adjusting his dark coat even if there was no need for it. — “I came to give you something.”
Brows drawing in, Hyun--su let his brains process slowly. Ignoring — for his own sanity — the mistake made before its correction, he couldn't stop giving a confused yet unconvinced look to the other.
Since when did Eun-Hyeok give gifts?
— “Don't look at me like that. I'm being serious.” — Fishing something in his pocket, he kept his hand tightly closed after pulling whatever it was out. Extending it as in waiting for the younger to reach the rest of the way.
Still skeptical, Hyun-Su reached out tentatively, palm facing up. By the look of things, it couldn't be much of a big thing, since the older’s hand was well shut. Somehow, he wouldn't be surprised if it held only air, or a piece of rubble Eun-Hyeok would use to kickstart a verbal jab.
Carefully lowering his hand until his finger brushed the palm underneath, Eun-Hyeok let the object fall from its confinement. Smooth, cold surface met callous, pale skin. It really was a small object.
Pulling it towards himself, Hyun-Su glanced at the neohuman, posture back to being impassive; however, trained eyes followed his movements, anticipating his reaction. Finally paying attention to the gift, he couldn't stop the way his eyes widened with surprise. On his hand was a ring, a silver one with a small blue gem embedded in it. Amazingly, it wasn't rusty or roughly scratched, it looked brand new, save for a tiny line on the left side; unnoticeable if not put on a certain angle under light.
Pretty, it was really pretty.
Weird gift, nonetheless.
Hyun-Su wasn't a guy for jewelry. Well, he used to use studs on his ears and a necklace he dubbed his “luck necklace” way before the bullying began. After it, he never saw a reason to put them on, then he didn't find a reason to brush his hair, then he didn't have a reason to even go to school, then he didn't have a reason to live. Thankfully, he had it now, at least for a long while until things got better.
Rings thought? Weren't really his thing, couldn't be. Jewelry on man was badly seen by his father, he would often say how feminine stuff should stay with women, that man had too much handwork to be able to use such pointless things. That's why Hyun-Su kept his earrings and necklaces hidden, he didn't want to receive another scolding on “How to be a respectable man 101”. He did find them cool, striking. When he watched some idols using those bulky silver ones, each finger adorned with a differently designed one, he felt that want to be able to rock them too.
He could do it since he moved from home, but why would he? He didn't even want to get out of bed, he didn't have money to spare either. There was no reason to off himself using nice jewelry, so why bother? And now, he was in an apocalypse, this stuff was hard to come by, also wasn't a necessity to look for.
How Eun-Hyeok found one so well conserved baffled him. On top of that, it was confusing as hell.
First, why would Eun-Hyeok give him a gift?
Second, why the fuck would he give him a ring?
— “Didn't think you would hate it this much.” — The low voice attracted his attention away from the gift.
— “Wha- I didn't hate it.” — He counteracted quickly.
— “You are looking at it like it is going to attack you.”
— “Can you blame me? I never would've expected a gift from you. Much less something like this.” — Rolling his thumb again on the delicate but resistant surface, he still couldn't process it as real.
— “Why not?”
— “I mean… You are you. You don't give nice things away like this.” — He shrugged, looking at the other.
— “Don't word it like that. I saw it, I wanted to give it to you. It's simple.” — Stated with finality, not understanding the big deal of it.
— “But, why? I mean-Why give it to me?”
— “It reminded me of you, of when we met again.” — His gaze went to the blue of the ring before locking into the black of the younger’s eyes.
When they met again… At the bus, after Green Home was gone, everyone was gone, there was no ‘home’ anymore. Hyun-Su passed out in his own mind following Yi-Kyung's awakening into a human. His monster met Eun-Hyeok first, he had the memories of it when they became one. It wasn't that much of a friendly re-encounter — not that it ever would be, taking their history together.
What had the ring to do with-
Oh, the blue gem.
His monster had blue eyes.
Looking at the gem, the color of it, a deep blue with light blue shards inside. It definitely was close to the blue from his eyes, really close to it. He couldn't unsee it now.
Hyun-Su was bewildered, a blush rising on his cheeks as he analyzed Eun-Hyeok's rigid yet, in some way, soft expression towards him.
God, his heart was going to deafen him.
— “I-” — Hyun-Su swallowed his emotions. — “Thank you, Eun-Hyeok. It's really beautiful.” — He smiled; didn't even try to contain it. A small, shy, sincere smile.
Cautious to not let it fall, he tried to find a finger in which the ring would fit. Right hand first, looking like a promising fit in the ring finger when warm hands held his own. Lifting his gaze, stunned, he watched as Eun--Hyeok picked the ring and held the younger’s left hand with care, paying attention as if he was performing a surgery. With no resistance, the ring fit perfectly on his left ring finger.
Eun-Hyeok kept his eyes low, thumb caressing the gem, and consequently Hyun-Su’s knuckles as well, with feather-light strokes. That made the younger’s face burn a bit brighter, confusion evident on his expression as his bottled unconfirmed feelings held a tight grip on his throat to not burst that calm bubble they were in.
Trying to keep himself at bay, he looked anywhere else, a nervous laugh escaping his lips as he noticed something.
— “What is it?” — Eun-Hyeok inquired, not stopping his moviments.
— “It just-It kind of looks like you just proposed to me.” — He shaked his head, a snort escaping with how absurd it sounded.
The neohuman hummed.
— “Maybe I did.”
Hyun-Su’s brain short-circuited for some seconds.
— “... What?” — He pushed out a breathy, full of shock answer.
— “I did choose to put a ring in your left hand, so.” — He shrugged, now staring deep into the younger.
— “That isn't funny, asshole.” — He pulled his hand from the neohuman's grasp, turning around with a frow.
— “It wasn't supposed to be.” — Offended, he, once more, adjusted his coat before getting closer.
— “Eun-Hyeok.” — He said firmly.
— “Yes?”
— “ Shut up.”
They stood in silence again. Hyun-Su fully facing forwards, hand tucked on his lap, the other's touch lingering like a fresh burn.
— “Should I start calling you my husband?”
— “Eun-Hyeok!”
— “Fiancé then.”
— “...”
— “I hate you so much.”
— “I like you too, Hyun-Su.”