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Dina exits Weston's Pharmacy and takes a breath when she sees Ellie on Shimmer, rifle out and waiting. It's quiet. The breeze drifts through the green swallowing the road, threading through tall grass, soft leaves, cracked concrete. Birds call into the wind like they don't know the world is ending.
She might've thought it was beautiful if things weren't so completely ruined.
"K, good to go," she says, walking up to Ellie, her face a mask. Blank. Solemn. She hands Ellie her backpack, and Ellie doesn't need to hear a single word to know something's wrong.
Their faces are two ends of a fading spectrum. Dina, expressionless, trying to stay locked up tight. Ellie, all concern and tenderness drawn across her brow. Dina taps the bag, now strapped to Shimmer.
"Thanks."
Ellie's eyebrows relax. "You okay?" she asks.
How does Ellie do that? See through her like this? Dina wouldn't know. Maybe it's the same way she can see through Ellie. Two halves circling something whole. God, she's such an idiot. She's going to ruin everything.
She tries to act normal, tries to keep it together. If she cracks even a little, Ellie will unravel her completely. "Yeah!"
Ellie's still watching her. Dina hops up onto Shimmer like it's no big deal. She lifts her voice a little too high, pitches it toward false brightness. "Alright, hit it! People to kill." She smiles, thin and practiced. Ellie is still looking at her. "Okay," Ellie says, calm as ever. Great. She bought it. Everything's fine.
Ellie rides on, and Dina's smile cuts under the weight of pain that has nowhere to go.
How could she let it get this far? Four weeks into this trip. Seven weeks since that stupid, lonely, heart-hollowed night with Jesse. Six weeks late. Five pregnancy tests, all screaming the same word in silence.
Pregnant.
Pregnant? What the hell. No, really. What the actual hell. This is bad for a million reasons.
Bad like end-of-the-world kind of bad. On a mission like this, where every step is soaked in risk and vengeance. Pregnant by someone she doesn't love, not like that. And she's closer than ever to Ellie, who isn't just her best friend, but the star of every hope she doesn't speak aloud. The girl she thinks about more than anything.
The girl she... loves?
No. Maybe. What does she even know about love?
She's had this fight with herself so many times. Yes, she loves Ellie. Of course she does. They're best friends. That's what she tells herself.
But in love? Is that what this is?
If it is, she's screwing it up in spectacular fashion.
The confirmation was supposed to help, supposed to make it real. Instead, her thoughts have turned traitor. Lately, her daydreams have shifted, taken on a shadow she didn't expect. Not just Ellie in her bed, soft and warm and tangled in sleep, but a crib in the corner. A baby, breathing softly through the dark. It's wild what a few weeks alone with the person you care about can do. Everything's changed. The flirting, the laughter, the closeness that feels more like a home than any place ever has. It feels grown. It feels real.
She doesn't want this baby with Jesse. He'll be part of it, of course, but he's not the one she wants to wake up next to. Not the one she wants to lean on. Not the one she aches for in silence. She doesn't want to lie in bed beside him while her thoughts are curled up in Ellie's arms. She can't do that. Not again. Not ever.
And yet, here she is. Pregnant. In love, maybe.
Surrounded by the end of the world, and still terrified of ruining what might have been the beginning of something.
They ride on. Seattle feels like a ghost, hollow and aching. The quiet is loud with absence, and the emptiness stretches around them like a wound. Maybe there really aren't many WLF left. Maybe this will be easy.
Famous last words.
Everything since last night in the tent feels easier with Ellie, and that's the part that cuts deepest. Dina can't stop thinking about the heat of her body nearby, the sound of her breath in the dark. They are moving in sync again, like nothing's broken, like Dina isn't carrying a secret that could splinter them both.
She's pregnant. She's so painfully pregnant. And Ellie doesn't know.
Dina wants to scream. What if Ellie doesn't want her anymore? What if all that silent hope in Ellie's eyes turns cold the moment she says it? They're close, painfully so, but not quite together. Near in closeness, but emotionally scattered across a chasm neither of them can seem to admit to.
How is she even supposed to tell her?
There won't ever be a good time. Not when they're surrounded by danger, not when every day might be their last. And if Dina keeps getting sick like this, Ellie's going to figure it out. Maybe not that it's a baby, but that something's wrong. That she's off. That she's a problem now. A liability.
They pass through an untouched part of the city. There are pastel storefronts, old rainbow flags faded in sun and dust, a bakery that probably once smelled like cinnamon and hope. Everything overgrown, but not erased. A place where people used to fall in love. Dina tries to anchor herself to that thought.
So she's pregnant. So what?
She could do this. Maybe. Hopefully.
And what if Ellie did want her anyway? What if Ellie saw this not as a burden, but something else? What if Ellie wanted to share it, claim it, stay? What if this became theirs? It feels impossible. But it's the only dream she has right now.
Ellie would be a saint for that. To just accept this, to choose this, after all they've already been through. But Dina has seen it in her. Ellie never says the words. She maybe never will. But everything in her movements, her care, the way she looks at Dina when she thinks she isn't being watched, it's all there.
Dina knows she gets away with more than anyone else ever could. If someone else said half the things Dina did, pulled half the stunts, Ellie would have lost her shit. But not with her.
Never with her.
So maybe Ellie would stay. Maybe she'd hold her at night, kiss her tired mouth, wrap her arms around the ache and the fear and the need. Maybe she'd want her more. Maybe she'd say yes without even blinking.
Dina wants her. She's always wanted her. And now, she's burning up with it.
She remembers someone once saying pregnant women get hornier. Well, good to know, because she's pretty sure that's true. Last night in that tent, the air so thick with heat and breath and the smell of Ellie's skin, Dina thought she'd lose her mind. She got as close as she could without giving herself away, heart pounding, stomach twisting. She damn near laid on top of her In the night.
It's always been bad, this craving for her. But now it's unbearable.
Maybe it's how often they're together. Maybe it's the way Dina sees Ellie now, not just the sharp-edged, stubborn girl, but something softer too. Something she wants to curl into. Their closeness feels like a kind of punishment. Her heart is full, but her body is aching in ways she can't speak.
They are together every second of every day. It should be heaven, and maybe it is. But it's also killing her.
This baby is frying her brain! She doesn't even know who she is anymore, just that she wants to press her mouth to Ellie's collarbone and never leave. She cant even do anything about it, in the solo sense!
What would Ellie do if she woke up to find Dina touching herself in the tent?
Dina knows exactly what she hopes would happen. But she also knows she might never be brave enough to find out.
She needs a break. Just a little one. Just enough to breathe.
-------------------------------------------------
Dina lets Ellie explore the music shop while she messes around on the drum set, uncoordinated and clumsy. She's not trying to impress anyone. Just killing time. Ellie is upstairs, quiet for a long stretch. Dina wonders what she's doing up there. She hears a few strings being plucked, the soft wavering of one being tuned into place.
It's been so long since she's heard Ellie play. Two years, maybe more. Back before Cat, back before all that unnamed tension between Ellie and Joel took root and swallowed everything. Dina isn't a musical genius like Ellie, but she'd never forget the sound of her tuning. There's something patient about it. Something sacred.
All of a sudden, it sounds right.
A melody starts to rise. Something Dina doesn't recognize. It's soft, unfamiliar, pretty. Then, Ellie starts to sing. Gentle. Almost to herself. Dina begins to climb the stairs, careful, quiet. Drawn up by the sound like a moth to a flickering flame.
"Talking away
I don't know what
I'm to say
I'll say it anyway"
At the top of the steps, Dina stops. Her breath hitches.
Ellie is seated on a dusty old trunk, guitar resting in her lap, her frame backlit by the sunlight pouring through a jagged hole in the wall. It frames her like a painting. Golden, green, glowing. Beautiful in a way that makes Dina ache. She looks dashing and gentle all at once. The kind of beautiful that comes from not trying. The kind that sneaks up on you, and then never lets go. She aches.
"Today is another day to find you
Shyin' away-"
Dina steps on a creaky board and Ellie's head lifts, eyes wide as her hands fall still. She looks right at Dina. They both freeze.
Dina stands at the edge of the landing, hand resting on the rail, eyes filled with wonder. Her lips part into a smile warm, and soft.
Ellie smiles back.
"Go on," Dina whispers.
Ellie whispers back, "Okay."
Her fingers return to form. She strums again, singing this time not just to the room, but to Dina.
"Shyin' away
I'll be comin' for your love, okay?"
Dina is rooted to the spot. Transfixed. Her smile deepens as she drifts closer to Ellie, that awestruck look never leaving her face.
"Take on me
Take me on"
She sinks slowly to sit, an audience of one. A heart already fully Ellie's.
"I'll be gone
In a day or two"
Dina is overwhelmed. This is Ellie. The goofy girl, the storm of fury and humor, the one who punches first and loves harder. She's never seen anyone look more like the center of the universe. Like something handmade by the stars, spun from breath and fire and something softer.
"So needless to say I'm odds and ends
But I'll be stumblin' away"
Tears gather at the corners of Dina's eyes.
This is it. This is her person. She wants to wake up to her every day. Come home to her.
Raise a baby with her. Make her feel loved for the rest of her life.
She loves her.
Deeply, entirely. Without question. Without pause.
"Slowly learnin' that life is okay"
Ellie looks at her. Dina looks back. Her heart feels too full.
"Say after me
It's no better to be safe than sorry"
Dina feels the truth of it hit her chest like a wave. That line. That line means everything. Why are they pretending? Why are they circling each other when they both know?
"Take on me
Take me on"
Dina knows it now, with certainty. Their feelings are aligned.
Ellie loves her.
She knows it like she knows her own name. It's in Ellie's voice. Her eyes. The way she's offering this piece of herself, without armor.
She just has to figure out how to say it out loud.
Because there's no one else she wants to walk through life with. No one else she'd rather raise this child beside. If two women can marry, then that's what she wants. Forever.
"I'll be gone
In a day or two
In a day or two"
Ellie finishes the last line and lets the guitar rest. She smiles quietly, shyly, like she's proud but still testing the waters. Dina is crying, not even hiding it anymore.
Damn hormones.
She wipes her nose on her hand. "Uh..." She rubs at her eyes, sniffling. "You've gotten pretty good."
"Aw, thanks," Ellie says, cheeks pink. She looks so much older here. "All those lessons from Joel."
It's the first time since New Years Day that Dina's heard Joel's name from Ellie's lip not wrapped in blood or grief.
"He taught you well," she says softly. And she means it. She misses him. Misses who they all used to be.
"He did," Ellie says, voice barely above a whisper.
Dina mentions food. Anything to keep from combusting on the spot, and excuses herself.
Because when you realize you are one hundred percent, undeniably in love with your best friend, and have been for who knows how long, you need a second to breathe. To formulate.