Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Bob has added Alexei, Yelena, Ava, Bucky and John to a group chat

Bob: That mission kicked your guys’s ass lmao

Bob: Is everyone ok though???

Bob: Answer please

Bob: Please

Bob: Pleae

Bob: Where are you guys answer

Yelena: Bob did you create a group chat just to ask this?

Bob: It’s important plus we need one I think

Bob: It improves morale

Bucky: You weren’t on the mission, how do you know that?

Bucky: And the mission didn’t go that bad, we almost had him.

Ava: “almost” my ass

Bob: It was on the news

Bucky: Already? Jesus christ.

Ava: dude we suck so bad

Yelena: This is so embarrassing and it’s only our second mission

Bob: Are you guys ok though????

Yelena: Yes Bob we are fine

Yelena: Thank you for asking

Bob: Yw!

Alexei: The heroic Captain America came to our rescue!

John: He’s not that heroic.

Ava: ya buckys boyfriend saved us

Bucky: He’s not my boyfriend.

Bucky: And he’s very heroic.

Yelena: Last month when he stayed the night and you guys fell asleep cuddling was just as friends then?

Bucky: That didn’t happen.

Ava: the photos I took say otherwise

Yelena: Please send those

Bucky: Please don’t.

Bucky: And we aren’t talking right now. I don’t know if you remember but he’s suing us?

Ava: he was suing us last month too but that didn’t stop you

Yelena: Is he even suing us or is it Val?

Ava: idk but either way we are not going to make it

Ava: most of us don’t know anything about the american legal system

Bucky: I’ve been on trial enough, I think I could figure it out.

Bob: Where are you guys it’s been like 30 minutes

Yelena: John broke his leg and the police and medical team abandoned us so we’re just dragging him back on foot

Yelena: And Bucky is on the other side of the wreck so we’re trying to get him back

Bob: Isn’t John enhanced or smth

Ava: ya it was a really big building

Bob: BUILDING???

Yelena: Yeah, he was busy with something else and the guy just came in and crushed him

Yelena: It was crazy

Yelena: He’ll heal in a few minutes

Bob: Dude I can help you should’ve told me

Bob: Omw

Yelena: No stay there

Yelena: Bob

Yelena: Bob stay there

Yelena: Bob why can I see you I told you to stay at the tower

Chapter Text

Ava: who’s cat is in my lap rn?

John: What does that mean?

Bob: We don’t have a cat???

Bob: Where is it???

Ava: idk i came home and there was a cat in the main room

Ava: and i know one of you guys brought him in because i found him wrapped up in a blanket with a food bowl

Yelena: Aww cute

John: We don’t have a cat bowl. 

Ava: we do now

Bucky: Nobody touch her. 

Ava: she’s in my lap rn 

Bucky: Be careful with her. 

Bucky: Please

Yelena: Bucky you were the one who said no pets

Yelena: I have had to hide my guinea pig from you for months now

Bucky: Don’t tell me you kept it.

Yelena: I did keep her. And she’s not an “it” she’s Nat. 

Bob: You just have to get to know her because she’s really sweet

Bob: I love her

Ava: oh i love nat

Bucky: Did everyone know about her but me?

Alexei: I did!

Alexei: She is quite the beauty!

John: I didn’t.

Yelena: Why would I tell you

Yelena: Thank you dad

John: Because I live in the same place as you? And it’s a pet? What if I was allergic?

Ava: we literally would not have cared

John: Can we circle back to the cat?

Yelena: Someone’s feelings got hurt 

John: Shut up. 

Bucky: The cat is Alpine.

Bob: Awesome!

Ava: ya you guys should come see her she’s really cute

Bob: Can you bring her to me???

Ava: bob your room is right next to the main room

Ava: be a man and come and get her

Yelena: No bring her around I want to see her too

Ava: guys just come out of your room im in the main room

Yelena: I know but that’s like three halls down 

Ava: but she’s sleeping i dont wanna move her

Bucky: Don’t wake her up. 

Yelena: Where did you even get a cat? 

Bucky: From the sidewalk. 

John: What if it has a disease?

Yelena: Shut up John you’re ruining the fun

Ava: plus most of you guys would probably be immune to rabies or whatever diseases it could have

Yelena: And me and Ava are willing to take the risk

Bob: Me too!

Yelena: No don’t say that I don’t want you to get sick

Ava: bitch??

Ava: why does he get special treatment??

Bucky: I don’t know if you’ve noticed but they’re unusually close. 

John: It’s crazy because we’ve only known each other for five months. 

Alexei: My Yelena is great at making friends! She lights up the room! 

Ava: thats one word for it

Yelena: What the hell Ava I thought we were friends 

Yelena: You guys are just mad you have major issues getting close to anyone

John: Ok that felt unnecessary. 

Bob: Not to be rude but she’s not wrong 

Bob: Guys the cat is actually really cute you need to see her

Ava: im actually great at making friends

Ava: and you guys totally should come here bc the cat is adorable 

Bob: She’s yawning

Bob: She’s yawning and you guys are missing it

John: Whatever, I’m on my way. 

Yelena: Me too!!

Alexei: I will make a visit too!

Chapter Text

John: Who the fuck’s arm is in our dishwasher????

Yelena: Dude who’s do you think it is

Ava: only one of us has an arm that can be removed???

Bucky: It’s mine dumbass. 

John: Ok, Jesus it was just a question. 

Bucky: Actually I forgot it was in there, don’t touch it I’m coming down to grab it. 

Ava: fym “forgot”

Bucky: I don’t know, I don’t use it a lot.

Ava: if i had a metal arm i’d never shut up abt it

Ava: bucky ur boyfriends here

Bucky: What!

Bucky: Don’t let him in yet. 

Ava: ya sorry he’s captain america

Ava: im not saying no to him

Ava: lmao john just ran into a different room

Ava: i know you miss him bucky you have to see him

Ava: bucky get your ass down here right now 

Bucky: Damn it I’m coming down give me a second. 

Yelena: What’s he doing here?

Ava: idk he won’t tell me

Ava: bucky what’s it for???

Bucky: It doesn’t matter. 

Yelena: That doesn’t sound good. 

Ava: no sam’s really excited 

Ava: i think this is good

Bob: What no fair

Bob: I want to meet him

Bob: Tell him I said hi!!

Ava: bob he doesn’t know who you are  

Ava: he says hi tho 

Yelena: Omg it’s a date night!

Bucky: We’re not dating. 

Ava: ok who are we going to tell? literally no one here is straight we aren’t going to hate crime you you can just admit you’re dating already 

Ava: actually john might call you a slur watch out

Bob: He’s not straight

Ava: WHAT

Yelena: ?!??!!??

Yelena: How do you know this

Ava: are you joking or….

Yelena: BOB EXPLAIN PLEASE

Ava: bob????

Ava: BOB?!???

Yelena: John do you want to comment??

John: No

Ava: dude what

Chapter Text

Bucky: You guys better be ready for the conference. We leave in ten minutes and half of our team isn’t even at the tower. Me and Walker are the only ones here.

Yelena: We’re having a girls night 

John: Ok but where is Bob?

Bob: I’m here too dw

John: I wasn’t worried. 

Ava: you so were 

Ava: i havent forgotten what you said bob

Bob: Sorry John i shouldn’t have said anything

John: No it’s fine.  

Alexei: You forgot about me! I am also at girls night!

Bucky: What. 

John: So are me and Bucky the only ones not invited?

Bob: I wanted to invite you sorry 

Bob: They wouldn’t let me

Ava: ya because it’s a girls night??

Bucky: I was invited but I was busy because I had to prepare for our press conference. 

Bucky: Which we are all attending by the way. 

Bucky: So everyone else should also be preparing. 

Bob: Shit I forgot, sorry buck

Ava: no way you just called him buck he’s going beat your ass

Yelena: Bold move

Bob: Sorry

Ava: bucky fight back

Bucky: You guys are going to have to meet us there because the limo is here. 

Ava: ok or ignore it 

John: Not fair. He’s barely ok with me calling him Bucky. 

Bucky: Hurry up, find a way to get here quicker. 

Ava: are we seriously going to uber to a press conference??

Ava: that’s so embarrassing 

Alexei: Don’t fear I have a solution!

Yelena: Dad where did you go? You were right behind us

Alexei: And I’m behind you again! With a car this time!

Yelena: If I turn around and you are in your limo again istg

Ava: this is so much more embarrassing 

Bucky: How did you even get your limo?

Bucky: Whatever, just get in the car because me and Walker are already almost there. 

Bob: Bucky…

Bob: Please don’t kill us but…

Bucky: What is it?

Bob: We are lost

Bucky: I hate you. 

Bob: What :(

Ava: damn

Bucky: Sorry

Bucky: How do I share my location?

Ava: old

Bucky: Can you please just tell me?

Bob: Just click on our contact and press share location

Ava: old

Ava: sorry not you bob

Bucky: Thank you Bob. 

Bucky shared his location

Alexei: We are on our way!

John: Get your asses over here now. 

John: It is about to start, where are you guys?

Bucky: I’m actually begging you guys to get here. 

Bucky: I don’t care how but find a way to get here quicker. 

Ava: im blaming you for this but we got a ticket

John: What the hell?!?

Yelena: Bucky told us to get there quicker

Yelena: We sped up

Alexei: American laws are stupid. 

Alexei: Bullshit. 

John: Ok well we’re starting so you’re going to miss it. 

Yelena: Can you make up a really cool excuse for why we are missing

Ava: ya please don’t say it’s because we got a speeding ticket

Ava: bucky??

Ava: john???

Ava: someone please answer

Chapter Text

Bucky: Why won’t he answer me. 

Bucky: He hates me. 

John: Who?

Yelena: His boyfriend 

Bucky: He’s not my boyfriend. 

John: Isn’t Sam straight?

Bucky: You could also bring up the fact that I’m straight?

Bucky: And no, he’s not. 

Yelena: None of you are. 

Ava: bucky just apologize, you clearly don’t care about the name just explain that

Ava: he’s rightfully pissed about this and has always wanted to work independent of the government, so did steve, and now the “avengers” are under the governments control 

Ava: and also he probably wanted to be the one to make the avengers

Bob: Ya Ava is actually right about this

Yelena: That was actually pretty articulated and mature

Ava: im always articulated and mature

John: Definitely not. 

Yelena: Bucky you need to listen to her

Bucky: I know I fucked up but he hates me and I don’t like it. 

Yelena: No way in hell does he hate you 

Bob: Ya you guys have had like five date nights in the last two months, you’re doing fine

Bucky: But he isn’t answering. 

Bob: Just do that best you can to apologize

Ava: you guys will be fine you hung out like last week

Bucky: I miss him. 

Ava: are you drunk or smth why are you moping so much

Yelena: He actually took a borderline lethal blow to the head during our last mission

Bob: And you guys didn’t say anything???

Yelena: He was doing fine until now 

Bucky: No Ava’s right, I’m really fucking drunk right now. 

John: Can’t you not get drunk? 

John: I can’t. 

Bucky: HYDRA serum is a lot different. 

Bucky: I can’t get hungover though so that’s cool. 

Yelena: You’re drunk and still have better grammar than Ava

Ava: my bad grammar is a choice 

John: Yeah, I’m sure. 

Ava: it is

Ava: you should see my mission reports bc they’re perfect 

Ava: best grammar you’ve ever seen

Bucky: He still isn’t answering. 

Ava: omfg either apologize or shut up pleaseee

Bucky: We’re never going to talk again. 

Yelena: He’s been suing us for months and you two have been talking regularly all throughout it

Bucky: But he’s been mad the whole time. 

Bucky: It’s been different. 

Yelena: Then apologize and be honest with him.

Bucky: I love him, I don’t want to mess it up.

Ava: i knew it

Bob: When you sober up you’re going to have so many regrets oh my god

Bucky: Whatever. 

Ava: i have that screenshotted btw

Bucky: Kys

Ava: jesus who taught him that

John: Sorry, that’s on me.

Yelena: Can someone at the tower please take away his alcohol this is absurd

Alexei: On it! Do not worry!

Yelena: Thanks dad

Bucky: HE RESPONDED!!!

Ava: thank god

Bucky: Sorry everyone he was just busy. 

Chapter Text

Ava: ASSEMBLE

Yelena: What for

Ava: SOMEONE FUCKING TOOK MY FACIAL MOISTURIZER 

Ava: RETURN IT NOW

Ava: I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU

Bucky: That feels dramatic. 

Yelena: I will admit I used it a few months ago

Yelena: But I returned it I swear

Bob: That’s crazy I thought it was yours and I took it from you ig while you were taking it from her

Ava: what the hell is wrong with you guys

Yelena: Whatever we returned it

Ava: ok well it’s gone again

Ava: i believe you two

Ava: john bucky alexei i need an alibi from you guys

John: Do I look like a guy who uses moisturizer?

Ava: no

Yelena: No

Bucky: No

Bob: No

John: Ok, God, I didn’t realize it was so unanimous.

Yelena: It’s obvious you don’t use moisturizer idk what to tell you 

Bucky: If it helps I don’t either. 

Ava: alexei, where were you when my moisturizer was stolen?

Yelena: I don’t think he stole it maybe you just lost it

Ava: i dont lose things

Ava: alexei answer

Yelena: Dad defend yourself

Alexei: I would never!

Alexei: I don’t need skincare!

Ava: i literally just found it in your bathroom bitch

Yelena: Dad what

Bob: Woah plot twist 

Bucky: That’s actually crazy. 

Alexei: You shouldn’t have been poking around in my bathroom. 

Alexei: Find out truths you won’t like. 

Ava: ????

Ava: or just don’t steal my shit next time???

Yelena: Ya sorry I’ll talk to him

Yelena: Where is he

Yelena: Dad?

Bucky: He’s running out the door.  

Bucky: Moisturizer in hand. 

Bob: Lmao wtf

Ava: bucky get him

Ava: or john

Ava: someone with superpowers that make them fast idk

Yelena: I’ll just buy you another one, this is not worth it

Ava: ty yel

John: Woah pet names already?

Ava: stfu bisexual 

Ava: unlike you and bob we aren’t actually dating

Ava: “bobby” i see you

Ava: hes literally in your room rn 

Ava: you’re watching but im a cheerleader i know exactly what you are 

Ava: that movie isn’t even for you guys go watch heartstopper or something 

Bucky: Ok that’s kind of funny. 

Bucky: You guys are watching But I’m a Cheerleader?

Yelena: How do you know about that movie Bucky????

John: Just because you’re going through a rough patch with your boyfriend doesn’t mean you get to go and be rude. 

John: And yes, we are watching it, it’s a piece of classic media. 

Ava: ya to lesbians 

Ava: and unless you two have something to tell me that applies to none of you 

Yelena: Whose idea was it to watch that movie?

Bob: …

John: Mine

Ava: LMAO

Alexei: That is so cute! Enjoy the movie!

Ava: woah woke alexei 

Ava: wasn’t expecting that

Ava: also get back here you have my moisturizer 

Yelena: Dad please come back

Bucky: He’s still running. 

Alexei: How do you know!

Bucky: You’re just circling the building and not really going anywhere, I can see it on the security cameras. 

Bob: Ya I can actually see him outside of John’s room

John: It’s really funny. 

Ava: get back here bitch

Bob: Lmao 

Bob: Guys come to John’s room

Bob: Ava is somehow beating up Alexei and we have a really good view of it

Yelena: Oh I’m definitely on my way

Bucky: Coming

Chapter Text

Ava: why tf is there a boat in the kitchen

Bucky: Sorry I didn’t know where else to put it. 

Ava: ya that doesn’t explain it sorry 

Ava: how did you even get it in here

Bucky: It’s a gift, don’t touch it. 

Ava: who is getting a whole ass boat???

Bob: Sam

Bucky: How do you know that?

Bob: Woah was I right? Lucky guess

Bucky: Yes, you were right.

Bucky: I’m going to fix his boat. 

Bucky: I’m trying to apologize. 

Ava: are you still drunk??

Yelena: Can’t you just let him win the lawsuit?

Bucky: I don’t care about the name at all, I would if I could but he’s suing Valentina, not us. 

Bucky: I can’t lose it for her.

Bob: This is actually really sweet

Ava: it kinda is

John: Do you want help? I know a little about boats. 

Bucky: Can you run to the store to grab a few supplies? I need a wrench and a pipe or two. 

John: Yeah sure. 

Bob: Is there any way I can help???? I wanna help too

Bucky: Sure, when John gets back you can help me actually fix it.

Yelena: Me Ava and Alexei are available as well

Bucky: Great, so putting a boat in the middle of the kitchen wasn’t the smartest idea, I need you guys to help me move it. 

Bucky: Thank you. 

Ava: i still wanna know how you got it in there

John: I’m at the store, what type of wrench do you need?

John: What type of wrench do you need?

John: Bucky I can’t help if you don’t tell me. 

John: Where the hell are you guys. 

Ava: john hurry up

John: WHAT FUCKING WRENCH DO YOU NEED

Bucky: Ten inch adjustable wrench. 

John: Thank you, oh my god. 

Chapter Text

Bucky: If, hypothetically, we got a budget increase, what would you guys want to use it on?

Alexei: Beer!

Bucky: No

Yelena: Dad please try to take a break from the alcohol

Yelena: Trust me, it feels better 

Bob: Can we get a new nintendo???

Bob: The old one is really glitchy and I don’t think it’s been used since the avengers owned the place

Bucky: That wasn’t that long ago.

Ava: i second that bc mario cart stopped working and im pissed

John: How about something useful like training equipment?

John: Instead of a child’s game?

Bob: Actually a lot of adults love Mario

Bob: He’s very popular 

Bob: Don’t disrespect him like that

John: Sorry 

Yelena: Ya not all of us are too boring and serious to experience joy 

Ava: its a fun game you just don’t get it

Alexei: Mario Kart sounds wonderful! I would love to try sometime!

Ava: looks like we have a majority vote

John: Oh my god please don’t blow our budget on a Nintendo Switch. 

Bucky: Unfortunately I agree with John, is there anything else you guys would want? Like something that would actually be helpful?

John: Unfortunately???

Ava: im not willing to compromise 

Yelena: I don’t really want to compromise either, sorry  

Bob: I really don’t care either way

Yelena: Don’t give in Bob

Yelena: Stay strong

Ava: dont let them sway you bob

Ava: bobbo 

Ava: bobeth

Ava: remember, mind of steel

Bob: I didn’t realize it was that serious 

Ava: it is

Bob: I won’t compromise either

John: Jesus christ, really?

Bucky: Are you guys 100% sure?

Yelena: Yes

Ava: ya

Bob: Ya

Bucky: Valentina said the majority vote decides. 

John: Do we have enough money to buy that and something else? Or are we, like, stuck with this?

Ava: quit complaining you’re gonna love it

Bob: We can play together!

John: Fine. 

Ava: hooray!

Bucky: Seriously?

Bucky: And to answer your question John, we get $550 more dollars for only this month. 

Yelena: See we still have like 500 dollars left 

Ava: you guys were freaking out over nothing, that’s so much 

Alexei: Beer!

Ava: all of that on beer????

Yelena: No

Ava: i say trampoline 

Ava: i even have one picked out

Yelena: Already?

Bucky: How long have you been considering this?

Ava: six months

Bob: It’s a good idea

Bob: I see the vision 

Ava: see?

Bucky: You know what? I’m ending the conversation here and we’ll come back to it later. 

Yelena: Damn was a trampoline really that bad of an idea???

Ava: you’re so rude

Chapter Text

Bucky: Who told the press about Bob?

Yelena: What do you mean?!?!!!

Bucky: Read the newspaper. 

Bucky: It’s on the kitchen counter. 

Ava: what happened???

Bucky: Read the newspaper with Yelena. 

Bob: What do they know?

Bucky: Read the newspaper. 

John: What’d they say about Bobby??

Bucky: John, please read the newspaper. 

Alexei: What did they say on the paper!

Bucky: Oh my god, I’m just going to send you guys the article. 

Ava: you know how to do that????

Bucky: Yes

Bucky: I’ve been here for over 10 years, I know some stuff. 

Ava: you’re evolving

Bucky: https://time.com/superhero-or-superfreak/

Bob: I don’t like the title

Yelena: It’s stupid, you’re cool and fun

Bucky: They’re stupid. 

John: Ignore it Bobby. 

Ava: don’t listen to those losers 

Alexei: You are cool hero! Those are dumb workers!

Bucky: How do they know about his powers though?

Ava: dude it’s obviously val

Yelena: Valentina probably 

John: Valentina?

Bucky: I’ve investigated that, John, obviously. 

John: Why are you giving me shit? I wasn’t even the first one to suggest it. 

Bucky: I couldn’t find anything though. 

Yelena: Maybe one of her workers? They all suck

Bucky: I did plan on looking into that. 

Ava: if you do find out what can you even do about it

Bucky: Be mad at them. 

John: That feels a little pointless. 

Bucky: Shut up John. 

Ava: no unfortunately he’s right

John: It’s not unfortunate????? This is a common occurrence??? It’s ok????

Bucky: I know but it’d just be better to know how it got leaked. 

Yelena: I get that

Alexei: Find the rat!

Bucky: Yeah, it was an intern. 

Yelena: That was fast

Yelena: How do you know

Bucky: I’ve done worse quicker. 

Ava: dude we know

Ava: it took you maybe five minutes to blow up multiple cars and then kidnap us

Bucky: Yeah, you’re welcome. 

Ava: ???

John: No we’re not welcome. I did not like that. 

Bucky: Yeah, but we’re all in a better place now. 

Alexei: We are big family!

Ava: most definitely not

Alexei: Yes! Bucky is dad, I am also dad but we are not together, you, Bob and Yelena are children, John is Bob’s boyfriend we disapprove of. 

Alexei: Like Modern Family!

Bob: You watch modern family????

Alexei: Yes!

Bob: Awesome

John: Why do you disapprove of me? I’ve been nothing but mostly kind!

Bob: Don’t listen to them, you’re perfect

Ava: please dont tell him that

Bucky: Don’t let him hear that. 

John: Hello??? I’m allowed to receive a compliment??? That’s my boyfriend????

Ava: finally you admit it oh my god

Yelena: You know what I’m happy for you guys

Bob: Thank you!

Bucky: Yeah, I guess have fun or whatever. 

John: You’re projecting your problems onto our relationship, deal with your own shit and apologize for being shitty to Sam before you judge us. 

Ava: you did not have to be that mean lmao

Ava: he wasn’t even that rude to you 

Yelena: That was uncharacteristic on so many levels

Bob: Bucky just threw his phone and walked away 

Bob: Actually watch out bc he’s heading towards you

Yelena: Unrelated, but which room is John in???

Ava: i also would like an answer to that

John: Bob, don’t tell them. 

Bob: Gym

Bob: Sorry John

John: After I deal with Bucky I’m coming for you

Yelena: There’s no way you’re going to be “dealing” with Bucky

Yelena: And thank you Bob!

Bob: No problem!!

Chapter Text

John: Who’s playing music?

Ava: why are you so lazy

Ava: just come out and look for yourself

Ava: its me

John: Woah you finally came out of your room?

Ava: can you shut up actually

John: What are you playing? 

Ava: idk it was my playlist at first but it took over and is doing what it wants now

John: “It”?

Ava: ya

Ava: speaker 

Yelena: I love this song 

Yelena: What is it

Ava: idk i can check

Ava: hella good by no doubt 

Yelena: Thank you 

Ava: yeah ofc yel

John: The pet names are making a comeback. 

John: You guys are so gay for each other

Ava: shut up john

Yelena: I’m not into people like that

John: ????

Ava: oh my god john are you stupid

Ava: she’s aromantic and asexual

John: That’s unfortunate for you, Ava. 

Ava: can you shut up please

Ava: i will kill you 

Ava: yel ignore him

Bucky: Ladies, break it up, I need your opinions. 

Alexei: What do you need Winter Soldier!

Yelena: What’s up?

Bucky: I still need an answer on the budget thing. 

Ava: trampoline?!??

Bucky: No

Yelena: Sorry Ava

Bob: We still have 500 dollars left right?

Bucky: About

Bob: Can we get more training equipment?

John: Yeah we need more of those. 

Bucky: What do you need?

Bob: John broke the punching bag

Bob: Again

John: Sorry 

Bob: No no no it’s fine

Yelena: Yeah he keeps breaking the punching bag

Yelena: It’s not fine 

Yelena: We need a new one

Ava: yeah and can we get the same one we used to have????? 

Ava: the brand was really durable

Yelena: Clearly not if John keeps breaking it

John: I’m strong, sorry. I don’t know what to tell you. 

Ava: whatever 

Bucky: So am I but you don’t see me costing us $150 every few months

Bob: Don’t listen to them John your strength is cool

Bob: I like it

Ava: freak

Yelena: As cute as that is I think John needs to either cool it or get a different punching bag

John: Whatever, Bucky just buy two punching bags

Bucky: Ok, that leaves about $190.

Ava: interior design is my passion pleasseee let me blow it on decorations

Bucky: We need repairs so that’s what we’re spending the rest on. 

Ava: i hate you 

Chapter Text

Bob: When you guys come back don’t come into the kitchen

John: Bob, are you good?

Yelena: Please tell me you’re ok

Bob: Yeah lmao I’m fine

Bob: I’m just baking

Bob: And a part of the kitchen is a bit messy

Yelena: That’s fine I don’t care

Bob: No it’s really bad

Bob: Trust me

Bucky: Ok, well we’re on our way. 

Ava: it can’t be that bad

Bob: It is

Ava: what were you making????

Bob: Muffins

Bob: They were supposed to be a gift but they got REALLY messed up

John: We’ll love them either way, trust me. 

Yelena: Yeah we always love your food 

Yelena: It’s fine if the ingredients got everywhere

John: OH MY GOD WHY IS THE SEVENTH FLOOR SMOKING

Yelena: Bob?!?!?

Yelena: Are you ok?!?!?

Ava: JESUS LMAO WHAT HAPPENED 

Bob: Yeah I’m fine

Bob: The oven just blew up and started a fire

Yelena: That’s what you call “a bit messy”????

John: Bobby where the hell are you?

Bob: Putting out the fire??

Bob: Where else??

Yelena: It’s so smoky in here Bob you can not be breathing this in

Bob: No I’m doing fine

Ava: boob how did you manage to do this

Yelena: Boob?

Bob: ????

Ava: idk I’m trying smth out

Ava: he deserves a fun nickname

John: And you chose boob?

Ava: hey so this doesn’t feel like the biggest issue

Ava: we’re trying to get boob out of our burning house

Bob: Only part of it is on fire 

Bob: I put the other half out

Bucky: What the hell, there was more?!

Bob: Mhm

Bob: Don’t worry I’m literally fine though

Bob: Majority of you watched me get essentially executed by a SWAT team I’ll be fine

Bucky: What the fuck!

Bucky: I wasn’t there for that?!

Bucky: When did this happen?!

Bob: Guys the fire is almost out it’s ok

Ava: val is gonna kill you i hope you know

Bob: ik :(

Chapter Text

Bucky: I need a favor. 

John: What do you need?

Yelena: What?

Bucky: I will blow you up if you laugh at me. 

Ava: ????

Bob: Ok lmao

Bucky: Sam is coming over in two days and it’s our anniversary. I want to get him something and decorate the place. 

Ava: and?

Bucky: I need you guys to help. 

Bucky: Also clean up because he’ll kill me if the Avengers tower is messy. 

Yelena: Is he aware half of the seventh floor blew up?

Bucky: Unfortunately. 

Ava: ok i hope you know I’m trying so hard not to laugh

Ava: who knew you were so romantic 

Ava: cleaning and everything

Bucky: I hate you. 

Bob: I’m rooting for you guys so hard ofc I’ll help

Bucky: Thank you Bob. 

John: I’ll help. 

Yelena: You’ll follow Bob anywhere

Yelena: Loser

Yelena: I’ll help too 

John: Fuck off 

Alexei: I will help!

Bucky: Thank you guys. 

Ava: …ill help

Bucky: Ok good because, while I hate to say it, I need your help. 

Bucky: I want to get him a bouquet but I’m not great with colors. 

Ava: oh I can so help with that

Bob: That’s adorable, you should totally get him snacks as well 

Bucky: You’re a genius. What’s snacks?

Ava: calling him a genius and everything, someone’s in a good mood

Bucky: I’m excited. 

Ava: so I’m thinking mostly red decorations with hints of white

Yelena: Boring

Ava: i hate you

Ava: what is your problem

Yelena: Sorry, continue

Bucky: No, unfortunately I see it. 

Ava: it’s not unfortunate 

Ava: and obviously we need flowers

Ava: im thinking white

Ava: and cream

Bob: They make cream flowers?!

Yelena: Yeah, probably

Ava: fym “make”????

John: Are you girls done talking? I want to help with the man stuff.

Yelena: What the fuck did you just say?!?

Ava: ?????

Bob: John….

John: No it was a joke. 

John: I swear. 

Yelena: You are on thin ice

Bucky: John we are all so close to kicking you out of this group chat. 

John: You don’t know how to do that. 

Bucky: Anyway, what food?

John: I knew it. 

Bob: Pleasseeee bring soda

Bob: And those microwave hot pockets

Ava: or maybe don’t 

John: Jesus, was your diet like before you lived with us?

Bob: Idk I was homeless

Yelena: Bob I love you but for everyone’s sakes those can not be involved

Bob: :(

Yelena: I say those cheese boards 

Yelena: But I have never met this man so I’m not sure what he’d like

Bucky: He’s annoyingly healthy. 

Bucky: I hate it. 

Yelena: You don’t 

Bucky: He eats a shit ton of salad and meat and stuff. 

John: Salad bar!

Ava: get one of those fancy steak chefs to cook for us

Bucky: I’m making a list, so far we have a cream-ish bouquet, red decorations, salad ingredients, and a private chef. 

Bob: Are we gonna be able to afford that????

Bucky: We’ll figure it out, we can sacrifice a bit. 

John: We’re seriously giving up our budget just so Bucky can kick us out and party with his boyfriend?

Ava: yes

Yelena: Yes

Bob: Hundred percent

Bucky: Yes

Alexei: Yes!

Ava: you even got alexei to agree

John: …Fine. 

Bucky: Glad we agree. 

Yelena: You’re going to laugh at me but I want you to listen

Bucky: Sure. 

Yelena: Get him a stuffed bear

Ava: pleaaseee that’s so cute

Ava: he’ll love it

Bucky: I was actually already thinking about that. 

Bob: You guys are so cute. 

Bucky: Ok I think I have everything, I’ll get you guys when it’s time to set up. Thank you. 

Chapter Text

Ava: who is gonna wake bucky up

Ava: he passed out at the anniversary party and still hasn’t woken up

John: It’s like 2 pm?!

Yelena: He has to be dead by now

Bob: How much did he drink???

Yelena: I didn’t think it was that much…

Yelena: Can’t he not get hungover???

Bob: Idk

Ava: and also sam is still here and is just taking care of him??

Ava: unfortunately it’s really cute

Ava: he gave him a blanket and everything 

Yelena: Ya I was wondering why he was still here

Yelena: But he did make us lunch so I’m not complaining 

Bob: He hasn’t said a word to any of us either he just made pizza and gestured towards it

Yelena: It was so awkward

Ava: guys he just got bucky more pillows

Bob: For all the worrying Bucky does about Sam hating him it really doesn’t seem like it’s true

Ava: ya sam loves this man

John: He also cleaned up, like, the majority of the mess so I’m glad we can also benefit from this. 

Yelena: Not everything is about you John

Bob: Yes it is don’t listen to her

Yelena: ???

Ava: genuinely you guys are such an insane couple how did you even get together

Bob: Don’t ask

Yelena: I don’t like the sound of that

Ava: was there even enough alcohol available to take him out like this 

John: Not that I saw. 

Bob: To be fair I offered him mine

Bob: I don’t drink

Yelena: Really???

Bob: Yeah I’ve done a lot but never alcohol 

Yelena: Why?

Bob: My dad

Yelena: Oh

Yelena: I’m proud of you

Bob: I’ve done meth????

Yelena: Yeah, still though

Ava: i want you guys to know how stupid bucky looks on the couch

Ava: he’s contorted in ways i didn’t think possible

Yelena: We aren’t at the tower

Yelena: You have to send a photo 

Ava: buckylookslikealoser.IMG

Bob: The file name lmao???

Ava: im speaking my truth

John: It’s accurate. 

Bucky: Asshole

Bob: He’s awake!!!

Ava: ok sleeping beauty how was your rest

Bucky: Shut up

Bucky: And it wasn’t that good. 

Yelena: Dude it’s 2 o’clock how did you sleep that long

John: Your boyfriend was taking care of you, by the way. 

Bucky: I’m aware. 

Bucky: He’s so nice. 

Bob: Awwww

Yelena: Can you tell him he’s really good at making pizza????

Bucky: Yeah

Alexei: The pizza was delicious!

Yelena: Bucky how much did you drink btw???

Ava: ya you were passed OUT

Bucky: Not that much. 

John: Lies

Ava: i’d be concerned if it happened more often bc that was crazy

Ava: his boyfriend was stuck caring for him

Bucky: You’re just upset that I have an awesome boyfriend and you’re single. 

Ava: not true

Ava: if i wanted a girlfriend i could easily get one

Ava: women love me

John: Yeah, I’m sure. 

Ava: why do you all hate me

Yelena: Don’t let them hurt you 

Yelena: Women do love you

Ava: thank you 

Ava: you get it

Chapter Text

John: Ava

Yelena: Shut up I want to do it

Ava: what

Bob: Guys we discussed this earlier

John: Yeah, well I want to say it now. 

Yelena: Ava we’re getting the trampoline 

John: I hate you Yelena. 

Yelena: She actually likes me, so I should deliver the news

Ava: WHAT

Ava: ACTUALLY?!?!?

Bucky: Yes

Ava: WHY

Bucky: This is how we deliver bad news. 

Bucky: We are putting you down. 

Alexei: No! Do not worry! James lies!

Bucky: My legal name?!

Yelena: Lmao dad how’d you even find that

John: He responds once every month you’re gonna have to ask him that in person. 

Ava: what trampoline is it

Ava: and again, why

Bob: We convinced Val that this is good for team bonding and it would improve how we interact in public

Ava: so the plan is group trampoline time???

Bucky: Essentially, yeah. 

Ava: ok…

Ava: as long as i get my trampoline 

John: Why do you even want one so bad?

Ava: idk

John: We worked so hard for this you might as well be honest. 

Ava: i wanted one as a kid ig

Ava: leave me alone

Yelena: Aww that is so cute

Ava: don’t “aww” me

Bucky: We chose the brand you’ve been “subtly” hinting about wanting. 

Ava: wdym

Bob: The one you bought 23 magazines about and left lying around everywhere???

Yelena: I found one in my pillow case 

Yelena: God knows why you put it there

Ava: yeah i did do that

Ava: i put it there so you couldn’t go to sleep without acknowledging it

Yelena: What the hell Ava

Bob: Malicious behavior 

Bucky: Yeah, she put one in Sam’s bag and he didn’t realize until he got home. 

John: Why???

Ava: that one was just for fun

Ava: i still can’t believe val approved of getting a trampoline

Bucky: Yeah, unfortunately we do have to spend some quality time on there, though. She threatened to take away all our budget if we don’t. 

Yelena: She’s an annoying bitch

John: She is. 

Ava: john you don’t call women bitches

John: Yelena did though?!???

Bucky: You can not be this stupid. 

Bob: John

Yelena: Lmao seriously??

John: ????

Yelena: Ignoring that, the trampoline is shipped and on its way

Bob: Maybe it’s too late to ask this, but where is it going???

John: I’m sure Bucky knows where. 

Yelena: Does he…?

Bucky: No

Bucky: He does not. 

Ava: are you actually serious

Ava: that thing is huge

Bucky: No one asked me. I thought you guys would figure this out, I did everything else. 

John: You did not. 

Bob: He did

John: Bobby

Bob: Sorry 

Bucky: Don’t apologize Bob, you’re right. 

Bob: What if we put it on the patio???

Ava: the one that’s over 100 stories high?

Ava: and out in the open near the ledge?

Bob: No…

Bob: Nevermind

Yelena: There’s a second gym

John: Where??? Really???

Yelena: Yeah, put it there

Yelena: Wait did you seriously not know that 

Bucky: Smart. 

Yelena: Thank you 

Chapter Text

John: Yelena, where the hell did you get your guinea pig?

Yelena: A lab I bombed why 

Ava: wait was it the one in malaysia

Yelena: …Why?

Ava: it was really cool

Yelena: Thank you!

Bucky: Don’t condone that.

John: Yelena, your freak of a pet is talking like a parrot. 

John: It’s saying shit. 

Yelena: Wait really???

Yelena: That is so awesome 

John: It’s not. 

Yelena: What’s she saying

John: “That’s my hair dryer.”

Ava: lmao no way

Ava: my reaction to bucky taking my shit btw

John: Bucky uses a hair dryer???

Yelena: Finally

Yelena: I’m just glad he’s showering

Bucky: Can you shut up?

Bucky: And yeah, I borrowed it from Ava.  

Ava: i wouldn’t call it borrowing 

Bucky: It’s not important, Yelena is there a chance your pet in radioactive or something? Is it a risk?

Yelena: Don’t talk about Nat like that

Yelena: I’ll check though

Bob: Wdym check??? How???

Yelena: They taught me how in the red room

John: Either way, it’s weird and I hate it. 

John: Keep it in your room or something because it’s freaking me out. 

Ava: john it’s a guinea pig

Ava: it isn’t going to hurt you 

John: I still don’t like it??

Yelena: Stop being a baby it is fine

John: I’m not being a baby.

John: I’m being reasonable. 

Bob: Lmao no you’re not 

John: Bobby you’re supposed to side with me on this. 

Yelena: He likes me more

Ava: you should challenge each other for boob’s love

Ava: like a fight 

John: No

Yelena: Why not :(

John: I don’t hit women. 

Yelena: Bullshit

Yelena: You have tried to shoot me

John: BUT I didn’t hit you. 

Yelena: ?? Ok lmao

Ava: sounds like someone’s scared

John: You can’t bully me into doing this. 

Ava: i know im doing this for the love of the game

Yelena: Nat’s not radioactive!!

John: Oh so it’s just a freak then?

Yelena: Watch it John

John: I am watching it

Yelena: She’s not a freak she’s special

John: Same thing. 

Ava: no cuz you’re just a freak

John: Can someone defend me please?? 

John: I’m being attacked??

Bucky: Good. 

Bob: No… guys don’t be mean… guys….

Ava: lmao he does NOT care

John: Bob???

Bob: Sorry I’m busy 

Bob: Love you

John: … Love you too. 

Yelena: Awwww that is so sweet

Bucky: Bob, you can do so much better. 

Bob: It’s ok I’m happy with him

Yelena: I’m not 

John: I was Captain America and this is how you treat me?

Ava: how does it feel being the only captain america that bucky hasn’t been a pathetic wreck for???

John: I’m a little insulted.

Bucky: I’m not that pathetic. 

Yelena: Yeah ok

Yelena: Everytime you get drunk you pine over him

Yelena: You act like you haven’t been dating him for years

Bucky: It’s not that bad. I just miss him a lot. 

John: We know. 

Bucky: John stay out of this. 

John: Why does everyone hate me, what the hell. 

Bob: I don’t❤️

Ava: oh god

John: Thank you. 

Chapter Text

John: Remember when Bob set fire to the tower?

Bob: I wouldn’t say it was a full blown fire

John: S.W.O.R.D. had to come. 

Bob: That was mostly bc they were worried I’D done something 

Bob: Which I hadn’t 

Bob: Because I’m so awesome

Ava: what?!?!?

Ava: how’d i miss this

Bob: Idk maybe you got there late

Ava: im never late

Ava: whatever john what did you have to say about this

John: Somehow the guys we hired to fix it missed a HUGE spot. 

John: Because the bathroom behind the theater is torched. 

John: Charred. 

John: Cooked. 

Ava: lmao im coming 

Ava: i wanna see

Bob: I’m too lazy to leave my room someone send a picture

Yelena: No please get up

Yelena: You haven’t left your bed for a while

Bob: Thank you but it’s been like a day

Yelena: Yes and that is very long

Bob: No sorry

Ava: its fine ill send a pic

Ava: its crazy like most of it is burnt and rusty

Ava: burntandgrossbathroom.IMG

Bob: Wait that’s really funny

Bob: And also my fault so I’m really sorry

Bob: Sorry

Ava: dw it’s mostly just funny

Bucky: Yeah, we can afford the repairs this is just interesting to look at. 

Bucky: Unfortunately, I do have to call Valentina about this. 

Bob: Shit 

Bucky: No, it’s fine I’ll tell her John bombed it or something. 

John: Are you fucking kidding

Bucky: She won’t believe it but she also won’t ask for elaboration. 

Bob: Thank you!

Chapter Text

John: Am I insane or, during the court session, did they say Bob has committed multiple crimes?

John: Like countless amounts?

Yelena: John you’ve killed people

Ava: john you were in the military

Bob: I would like to clarify that they were all nonviolent

Bob: They were all drug related

Yelena: Oh so it’s fine then

John: It’s most definitely not. 

Yelena: I was being sarcastic…

Yelena: I’d rather him kill someone than whatever he was actually out doing

Ava: honestly me too

Bucky: Yeah. 

John: What??? No??? Killing isn’t good???

Ava: i will send you a link to a video of you beating and killing a man with your bare hands

John: I didn’t use my bare hands. 

Bucky: Yeah, it was the fucking Captain America shield. 

Bucky: Dumbass. 

John: I thought we were over this

John: I’ve changed

Ava: yeah im sure

Bucky: I need everyone to stop texting and not talk to me for the next two hours. 

Bucky: I’m hanging out with Sam and you’ve all been really annoying and I don’t want to deal with you guys, respectfully. 

Ava: “respectfully” is doing a lot of heavy lifting

Yelena: Why are you in such a bad mood???

John: He’s getting old and didn’t do well on a mission. 

Yelena: Oh I do remember that now

Bucky: What happened to not texting?

Bucky: I’m not getting old, it was a bad day. 

John: Yeah, ok. 

Bucky: I have a gun. 

Ava: jesus

Bob: Bucky???😭😭

Yelena: Lmaooo

John: Ok, backing it up to suggest that it may have just been a bad day. 

Bucky: Yeah

Ava: is he on something he’s acting so odd

Yelena: He’s just having a bad day

Bob: Lmao

John: Also again Bob, how many crimes have you committed?

Bob: Honestly idk

Bob: This may come as a surprise but meth fucks with your memory

Bob: Along with the other drugs

Ava: im sure I could get a hold of your file

Ava: like your legal record

Bob: Please don’t???

Ava: ok but the offer’s there

Bob: Put the offer away

Bob: Get it out of here

Yelena: Unfortunately, now I am curious

Bob: Guys….

Ava: ill figure it out

Ava: ill get it