Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

In hindsight, Four should’ve seen this coming.

It was an oddly peaceful day, and he intended to make the most of it. He had an entire video idea weaving itself together in his mind, practically begging him to script it. Who was he to deny the call of destiny?

A knock at the door interrupted his thoughts. I guess destiny can wait just a little longer…

As he leisurely made his way over, he couldn’t help but wonder who it was. Most of my friends don’t bother knocking. Especially not Mario. Maybe the mailman?

A peek outside answered his question. “Smg1! Smg2!”

The pair looked up at him as Four threw open the door. They returned his grin, and Smg2 responded, “Four! Good to see you again!”

“Man, where have you guys been?” Four held open the door for them, inviting them inside. The new castle wasn’t a very familiar sight- the interior at least. The two had seen it plenty of times from the outside when they were rooting through his garbage. Four had offered them a stay, but was turned down. Apparently, being hobos was “nostalgic” for them. Probably from their 10-year long trip searching for him and Three.

“Here and There,” One answered evasively. “We never stay in one place for long.”

“Yeah! Plus, traveling the world gives us a chance to document more regional memes.” Two waved his hands in front of him as he talked. Well, waved his arms, since his… species? …didn’t seem to have hands. How do they pick things up?

“Oh, really?” Four closed the door behind him. I wonder if foreign memes would be a good addition to my videos…

One gave him a weird look. “Yes, that’s why we said it.” We?

“That’s not- nevermind.” He could ask them about it more later. For now, he had a video idea to get down. “Anyway, I've got a video to get back to. Y’know, meme guardian stuff.”

One interrupted him before he had a chance to walk away. “Actually, that’s what we wanted to talk to you about.”

A pit formed in Four’s stomach. “Yeah?”

“We’ve come to check in on your meme training progress!” Two explained. “Gotta make sure the avatar is in safe hands, and all.”

The pit grew larger. “A pop quiz? Aw, c’mon…”

“I’m sure you’ll do just fine.” One tried to reassure him. “It’ll be much easier than last time. Especially since you’ve been training.”

Two’s smile dropped. “You have been training, right?”

Four called for all of his acting skills to come to the surface. “Of course!” The pit only grew larger, much to his frustration. It’s not like I'm doing anything bad, it’s just… a little white lie! As long as they don’t find out, everything will be fi-

“NUH UH!”

All three of them jumped as Mario kicked open the door, lost his balance, and fell on his ass. He scrambled up and made his way over with surprising speed. “Nuh uh!”

“The fuck you mean, nuh uh?!” Four glared at his brother, willing him to back down.

Mario pointed in his face, hitting Four’s nose. “You haven’t been training at all!”

The taunt made Four’s blood boil. He slapped Mario’s hand out of his face. “Shut up!”

“That’s enough you two!” One raised his voice, glaring at the both of them. Which was totally unfair, since Mario started it!

Speaking of Mario, the dude in question turned his head around 180 degrees to face One- snapping his own neck in the process. He immediately collapsed to the floor.

“That problem is solved, I guess.” Four tried again to regain his previous charm. Two eyed Mario, analyzing him to make sure he wasn’t actually dead. One’s glare was still trained on Four.
He raised his arms placatingly. “Listen, we both know Mario’s stupid. He probably just… forgot that we trained.”

“We’ll know if you’ve trained or not once we see you practice,” One sighed.

Four’s hopes of being productive today were thrown out the window. “Can't we reschedule or something?”

“Nope, not hearing it!” Two huffed, newly agitated by Mario’s still form. Obviously, he wasn’t dead- Mario couldn’t die by mortal means- but it was still upsetting to look at. Especially when you’ve seen an avatar die before. “Let’s go train outside. Now.”

“Uh, Two?”

He turned to face his partner. “What?”

“We still need SMG3.”

“Oh.” He flushed. “Right.”

Four couldn’t be bothered to pay Two’s embarrassment any mind, too busy stewing in his own thoughts. Three is gonna be so pissed…

“His cafe is right outside, correct?” One turned to him for confirmation. He nodded sluggishly, drooping like a wilted flower. His slow pace, both in mind and body, left him trailing behind the first guardian pair.

The ringing of the store bell filled the silent shop as the trio entered. It was replaced by the sound of footsteps only a second later. Three skidded into view, stopping himself on the counter. “Customers?!”

It took him only a moment to realize what was actually happening here. His grin flipped upside down. “Oh… Just great.”

“We’ve come to test your powers.” One explained, as if it wasn’t obvious.

“Pass.” Three turned to go back, only to be blocked by Two, who had somehow gotten behind him. “Hey! What gives!?”

“You’re training, whether you like it or not!”

“Unless you’d like a repeat of last time?” One finished for him.

Three scowled, fists clenched at the sides. “Fine. But only because I don’t have anything better to do.”

“Yeah, right.” Four taunted, his shame turning to anger. Three punched him in the arm as he stormed past, much harder than necessary.
This is going to be a nightmare, Four dreaded. His only hope would be that it would be over soon.

Chapter Text

“Ready?”

Four sighed as Two’s painfully optimistic voice broke through the quietude of the woods. The gentle hush of nature did nothing to calm his nerves. The guardians were currently behind the castle, which offered them  a little shade. They had chosen this place because it was close to home, and the Showgrounds was a hotspot for memes of all kinds. Most peeked out from behind the trees, while a few braver ones crept towards them out of curiosity. Normally it would be comedic, but Four couldn’t feel anything but frustration.

“Ready…” Three grumbled, taking initiative and linking hands with Four. He was being a lot more complacent with this whole thing than Four expected.

One stood up tall- as tall as someone his size could be- and pointed towards a random meme. “Let’s see your meme transmutation!”

The meme in question was one Four didn’t recognize. Which was alarming, considering knowing “the funny” was his whole job. If I wasn’t stuck out here, I could’ve gotten back on that…  

Four held up his spare hand, closing his eyes and trying his best to focus. The familiar flow of meme energy settled in his body, making its way through and into Three’s. He vaguely remembered One and Two mentioning how the flow worked, and how it needed to move through both guardians to become balanced. They had noted that if a guardian were to use their power alone, the meme energy would condense on one side and harm them. In a worst case scenario, too much would make them straight-up explode. The threat of erupting from the inside was enough to convince Four to hold Three’s hand… just barely.

The meme lifted off of the ground, outlined by glowing blue light before being overtaken entirely. The ball of pure energy shook in the air. Four couldn’t see it, as his eyes were still closed, but he could sense it. Distracted by his thoughts and mounting irritation, Four’s grip on his powers slipped. The meme energy quivered in the air, stray sparks cracking in the space around it.

“Focus!” Two’s high-pitched voice had the opposite effect. Four’s grip on Three’s hand tightened. He prioritized calming himself down, but in turn lost all control over his powers. He realized too late that the meme energy had become increasingly unstable. With a bang, the ball exploded into a shower of sparks.

“Alright, alright, enough.” One tapped his foot on the dusty ground. “Meme transmutation is the most basic skill a guardian should have. The hell happened?”

Three scoffed. “Don’t ask me, ask him. ” 

“Hey! I was distracted, okay?!” Four retorted, yanking his hand away.

“Yeah uh… we could tell.” Two mimicked One’s movement. “And Three, he’s not the only one that could use some improvement.”

“WHAT!?”

“Time to move on!” One clapped his hands together. “Let’s practice your aiming. I want you two to hit that tree. And don’t get distracted again.”

Four huffed. If we can’t transmute correctly, how the hell are we supposed to hit something? Nevertheless, he took his partner’s hand in his own.

The next attempt was… rough, at best. Granted, it was better, and at least the energy didn’t explode! The problem came with aiming. Four’s eyes were still screwed shut, and he could only assume the same for Three. It also would have been helpful to know what tree to hit. They ended up sending the meme energy flying far off into the woods, a resounding blast lighting up the place moments after.

The older guardian pair stared off into the distance, before turning back to them. They were the embodiment of “I’m not mad, I'm just disappointed”. Four drooped at the look while Three was completely zoned out.

“...do you think I could sell meme energy infused bombs?” Three asked,  breaking the silence.

“Not the time!” Four elbowed him in the side.

“I think that’s enough training for today.” One sighed, pinching the non-existent bridge of his nose with his non-existent fingers.

“What? But they’ve only gone twice!”

He turned to look at his partner. A silent conversation stretched on between them, before they turned back to the others in-sync. “We’ll be back tomorrow for more training. You two, for lack of a better phrase, need to get your shit together.”

“I have a shop to run, y’know!” Three glared at all three of them.

“Is your shop more important than protecting the avatar?” Two snapped back. 

“Pretty much, yeah.”
“I swear-”

“What about my channel?” Four butted in. “I have to make videos! They’re vital to keeping the meme-ecosystem healthy or whatever.”

“It won’t take that long- if you stay focused, that is.” Two turned to address the both of them. “We’ll see you two at 9:00 AM. Before it gets too hot out.”

Three rolled his eyes, stomping off with a muttered “fine”. Four followed suit, turning on his heel and trudging away. He followed the circular shape of the castle-tent before arriving at the door. He sent one last glance behind him, just managing to catch Three slamming the cafe door shut. He didn’t even have the energy to feel bad for provoking him.

Four closed the castle doors, daylight barely illuminating the large room. Leaning against the wood, he slid down before landing on the floor with a thump. He put his head in his hands and groaned. Goddamnit.

One watched the other two shut themselves in their respective homes. He sighed, shaking his head as he spoke. “What are we going to do with them?”

“They’re like angsty teenagers,” Two hummed, “Except, y’know, grown men.”

“Their powers aren’t the only issue,” he noted. “What good are guardians if they can’t even get along?”
“This calls for some heavy-duty bonding time!”

One’s face lit up. “Can we bring back the Friendship Obstacle Course?”

“...maybe.”

“YAY!”

Chapter Text

Four woke up to Mario hovering over his bed.

“Hi ‘Rio…” Four groaned. He made sluggish movements to push his best friend off, turning over to head back to sleep.

Mario decided to not accept the rejection. “Hi!”

“...what do you want?”

“Uh…” Mario flopped onto his back, on the bottom half of Four’s bed. “I forgor.”

The silence stretched out. Morning light crept in through the window, along with the gentle chirping of songbirds. Besides Mario, it was overall peaceful.

Speaking of Mario, the man in question had rolled off the bed. He landed on the floor with a thunk. “I’m hungry!”

“Go raid the kitchen or whatever.” Four regretted the words as soon as they came out of his mouth.

Mario leaped up, practically glowing with excitement. And literally glowing- did he eat a flashlight again? “You got it, boss! Enjoy your gay times with SMG3!” With that, he sprinted out of the room.

Four sat up, glaring at the doorway. Typical sibling behavior, leaving the damn door open… wait, what did he mean by “gay times”? It took him a moment to recall the events of the previous day. When he did, he groaned even louder. 

The uncaring universe apparently refused to put him out of his misery. Four heaved himself out of bed, cleaning himself up as best he could. He flicked on the lights, squinting from the brightness. “What time even is it anyway?”

A quick glance at his phone made him go pale. 8:57. “Oh shit-!”

As if on cue, a knocking at his opened door made him swing around. Three leaned against the doorframe, red eyes gleaming. Despite being friends for a while, Four still sometimes had trouble telling what he was feeling- when he didn’t make it blatantly obvious, that is. That might just be a me problem…

“Seriously? You’re just now waking up?”

Four rolled his eyes. “What do you want?”

He gave Four an incredulous look. “Guardian training, remember? I wanted to make sure you were up.”

“Mario already has that handled. Besides, there’s still three minutes left.” Four frowned. “Wait- you came to wake me up, three minutes before the others show up?”

Three smirked. “What can I say, it’s my lucky number.”

“You just like being an ass.”

“That too.” Three pushed himself off the doorway, casting a glance over his shoulder as he walked away. “Now let's get this over with.”

Four stared daggers into his back. Why does he have to be so… so… graceful? No, that’s not the right word… something more insulting. Whatever it is, he’s really damn smug about it. Trying to subdue the growing hunger and ire, he followed his guardian partner out into the open.

Four could hear the blaring of a horn before he even opened the castle doors. As he closed them behind him, an old, beaten-down truck skidded into view. With One and Two at the helm- there’s no way they’re tall enough to drive- the truck barrelled at them with alarming speed.

“Shit-!” Three grabbed a still-groggy Four, diving out of the way. Right before the truck reached the castle, it came to an abrupt stop. The dying machinery hissed and sputtered only a foot away from where they were before. 

SMG1 and SMG2 leaped out of the vehicle.  “Congrats!” One leant a hand, pulling Four off of Three. 

“...on what?”

“You passed the first test!” Two grinned up at them.

“The fuck?” Three crossed his arms.

“Wha-” Four couldn’t do much else but stare. “Driving like a maniac was part of a test?!”

“Mhm!” One seemed way too proud for what could be considered a murder attempt. “We wanted to see how you would react to danger.”

Two nodded sagely, which looked weird considering his goofy form. “Three, you did very well! Four… not so much.”

“Hah!” Three flipped Four off. “In your face!”

Two decided to ignore that. “It’s good you were there to save him then! Looking out for your partner is one of the most important parts of being a guardian. Besides looking out for the avatar, of course.”

Three’s face flushed. “What! No! I only saved the idiot so we could get this training thing over with!”

One narrowed his eyes. “That’s disappointing. We’ll need to get you both closer, then.”

“Don’t listen to him!” The second the opportunity presented itself, Four leaped for vengeance. “We’re very close. He liiiikes me.”

“I DO NOT!”

“Yes you do! After all, we’re friends.” Four drew out the word, watching with a smirk as Three grew nearly as red as his own eyes. “You said it yourself!”

“Shaddup!”

“Nah-”

Two pointed at the truck. “Alright, alright, now get in. It’s adventure time!”

Wait a minute- “We aren’t training in the Showgrounds?”

“Nope!” He gave a mischievous grin. “We have something… different in mind.”

Three and Four glanced at each other, sporting matching expressions of dread. With hesitation lacing every step, the both of them climbed into the backseat. One and Two, much less nervous, leaped into the driver's seat and rode shotgun, respectively. The roar of the engine did nothing to lull his worries.

One turned back to glance at them. “May the meme training begin!”

“The hell is this?”

Two spun around to address Three’s ‘question’, practically vibrating with excitement. “A pottery studio! Isn’t it great!”

“Uh… sure?” Four wasn’t sure what to think of it. At least we’re not in danger… I think.

One motioned for them to come inside. “Here, we will test your guardian connection.”

Four blinked, eyes adjusting to the dimness. “With arts and crafts?”

“Yeah, pretty much.” Two sped past them, making a beeline for a place in the corner of the room. He walked directly under a table at one point. I guess being that short has its benefits.

The group gathered around a table in the back. A potter’s wheel stared them down, clearly worn from years of use. Various other tools were scattered around, most of which Four didn’t even have a clue how to use. They were similarly stained over the years.

One cleared his throat. “Take a seat,” he instructed, teacher mode flipping on like a switch. “Take your gloves off too. Unless you’d like them to get stained.”

Obviously not, Four thought to himself as he rolled his eyes. Three was thinking the same thing, but being much more vocal about it. “At least take me out to dinner first, geez… Also, these were custom-made, so you better not damage them-”

As he went on his tirade, Four tucked his hands into his lap. He was so used to wearing gloves, having them off felt weird. Not to mention some of his scars were on full display. Small cuts, a burn or two, an unnatural vein-like one crawling up his arm and face- nope, not going there today. He could almost feel all the strangers in this studio staring, even though they very much weren’t. Granted, a space like this being empty would be weird… but still! Normally he liked attention, but the odd looks he and the other guardians got gave him goosebumps.

Four nearly jumped out of his seat when Three jabbed him in the side. “Yo, Four!”

“I- uh- yeah, what is it?”

“...the clay?”

Four took a moment to realize that, yeah, he was the one next to all the supplies. They both were, technically, but Three would have to reach all the way across his body and… yeah, they’re already close enough as it is. He tore away a lump from the mound of clay, plopping it down on the wheel with a satisfying splat . “Clay acquired. What next?”

“Well, first you have to prep the clay, get all the air out to make your work doesn’t explode in the kiln-”

“Hold on!” Three interrupted, earning a nasty look from Two. “I thought this was supposed to be about our powers, not actual art! Besides, what would you know about pottery- you don’t even have hands!”

“Well excuse you-!”

“Settle down, both of you!” Even Two quieted at One’s intensity. “Three is right. The result of the clay is unimportant here, what matters is the result of this bonding activity.”

Three bloomed under the joy of being right. Seems like One has gotten into his good graces…

“Speaking of, there’s one more part to this.” One peeked around the table. “You have to hold hands.”

One was no longer in his good graces. “Why!?”

“You’ll be doing it a lot, better get used to it.” Two tapped his foot.

One shook his head, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. “This activity is meant to simulate using your cosmic link while using your powers, or possibly in battle.” As he went on, a newfound spark lit in his eye. “You must strengthen this link, and learn to read the other’s mind. You must know what they feel, what they think, down to the tiniest details. Synchronization is the key to becoming unstoppable!”

Four stared down at the unassuming lump of clay. Is this really the best way to go about this? With a sigh, he linked hands with Three. It felt weird, holding hands without their gloves on. He found himself focusing on the smallest details. He also found himself hoping his palm wasn’t too sweaty. Why do I even care? It’s not like either of us want this… it’s not like this will ever happen again.

“Pottery time!” Two clapped his hands, somehow causing the wheel to spin. The clay spun with it, in a surprisingly comedic way. Four stifled a laugh. Dang it, am I going nuts already? 

He placed his free hand on the side of the clay, molding it into a more symmetrical shape. It wobbled for a moment, before twisting to the side and ruining his progress. “Hey Three, a little help here! …Three?”

His guardian partner in question was frozen in place, blankly staring at the wheel. He snapped back into motion a second after Four acknowledged him. “Wha- oh- right. On it.”

He’s being weirdly cooperative. Four sighed and turned back to the others. “What are we even making?”

“Anything you want!” Two answered with barely contained elation. “As long as you work together, of course.”

“Right. Three, let’s just make a pot or-”

One cleared his throat. “This activity is about your cosmic link. Which means all communication must be explicitly through it.”

Four’s eye twitched. “...great.” He shoved at the clay with a little more force than was necessary. This whole thing is stupid. And embarrassing! I can’t believe I agreed to any of this…

“You and me both.” Four jumped when he heard Three speak directly into his ear. He waited for One to correct him… but the rebuke never came. The other guardians just stared at them with curiosity. 

“I’m talking in your head, idiot.” Four had no time to process before Three started sculpting. “Now hurry up and help me here. I want to get out of this place as soon as possible.”

Four tried to match Three’s movements. The feeling of having someone in his head was… strange. Can he read all of my thoughts? Or, uh, if you’re hearing this, can you? Four’s brain immediately started generating the funkiest shit imaginable. Goddammit- 

“Haha, weirdo.” His partner- guardian partner! Nothing else!- smirked. He rounded out the top of the clay, forming a semicircle. Or would it be a semi-sphere? 

Four elected to ignore the specifics and help. He pushed his fingers into the very middle of the shape, a hole quickly forming. The spinning clay felt smooth under his fingers. He almost found himself enjoying the experience.

Three reached up to do the same. The moment their hands brushed, however, he jerked back and nearly toppled over the sides of the pot. Four accommodated his mistake, stabilizing the pot. “Seriously dude?”

“Shut up,” Three snapped back. “Not my fault you have gross hands.”

“We’re literally holding hands right now.”

He paused, a faint red tingeing his face. “Whatever… baka!”

As Four smoothed out the pot, he felt their connection waver. “Listen, I don’t want to be holding your hand either.”

“...I never said that.”

Four stilled. “What?”

Three kept his attention trained on shaping the clay, ignoring when Four turned to look at him. “I- nevermind. Let’s just… get this over with.”

Four mindlessly followed his lead, thoughts elsewhere. He couldn’t help but have his attention drawn back onto the way Three’s hand felt in his. Along with the dim lighting, the hum of the wheel’s motor, it all felt… peaceful. 

Maybe this isn’t so bad… I wonder if Three feels the same? Wait-! Four realized with a mischievous grin that he could easily find out. He probed at his partner’s mind but felt nothing but the same contentment as before. But wait, this felt different. Almost like it wasn’t Four’s thoughts, but instead-

He was shoved out of Three’s mind so quickly it almost hurt. Like an iron deficit person standing up. Three’s face was even redder than before, but Four chalked it up to simply anger-

“Congrats!” The pair of them jumped when One’s voice broke the silence. “The both of you demonstrated excellent connectivity.”

“Yeah!” Two’s look of thinly veiled dislike didn’t match his tone. “Though, your pottery skills could use some work. I can already tell there’s tons of air bubbles in there, it’s going to explode in the kiln! Not to mention you didn’t wet the clay a single time. And it’s not even centered! Unintentional asymmetry isn’t a good look on any pot-”

One nudged his partner in the side, stopping the rant. “Your skills have most certainly improved! The way you moved near the end, it was like you were a single guardian. Exactly what we were looking for!”

Four warmed at the praise. It wasn’t often that One gave out compliments, but when he did, it was the best feeling in the world. 

“As promised, here are your gloves.” Two handed the stainless gloves back. “And you can stop holding hands now. Unless you don’t want to-”

Three and Four ripped their hands apart with frightening speed. “Thank goodness!” Four blurted, while Three busied himself with fixing his gloves. While Four was relieved to have the familiar feel of his gloves back, he couldn’t shake the fact that he was almost… disappointed to no longer be holding hands. Thinking about it, that feeling didn’t seem like it was entirely his own-

“We’ll drive you back to the castle.” Four snapped out of his thoughts to see One and Two had begun walking away. Two looked to be stewing in his own grievances, undoubtedly over the clay. One, however, had a knowing look on his face. Four felt himself heat up, but he wasn’t sure why. The guardians climbed into their truck, and the roar of the engine came to life. Something else roared in response.

Three gave him a weird look. “Dude, was that your stomach?”

“Uh, yeah… I didn’t have time to have breakfast, so…”

Three sighed. “Idiot… let’s just make lunch back at the castle.”

Four nodded, drawn to the fact that Three had implied that he would be there too. He didn’t have time to dwell on this, as One had stomped down on the gas. With shocking speed, the run-down truck disappeared down the road.

Chapter Text

Four was fucking starving.

By the time the group had gotten back to the castle, the full weight of missing breakfast had hit him. It’s not like he hadn’t missed meals before, of course, but for some odd reason this time was much worse. Maybe it’s because I used my powers?

Four had all but shoved One and Two out the door in a rush to get to the kitchen. They parted ways with little resistance, saying they would be back tomorrow for something “extra exciting”. I hope to the god box it isn’t more pottery lessons. 

He used full force to yank the refrigerator door open. Four hesitated for only a second before snatching up a box of hot pockets. He spun around, and came face-to-face with Three.

“AAH-”

“Seriously?” Three jabbed a finger towards Four, unfazed. “That’s all you’re going to eat?”

“Shut up!” Four held the box to his chest. “They’re good!”

“I can’t believe hot pockets are your only source of nutrition.” He turned and eyed Four. “Nevermind… I can see it.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?!” Three ignored him and scanned the open fridge. With a tsk he plucked a rotting bag of unopened baby spinach from the back, tossing it into the trash. Four just stood and stared as his guardian partner rooted through his fridge.

“...you done?” Four broke the silence when Three finally stopped. A pile of rotting and expired foods had been banished to the trash.

“I’m making us some food.” Three turned his attention to the cabinets instead, rooting through them now. “None of that microwaved crap. I have standards.”

“...you used to live in a starbucks. ”

“Whatever.” He plopped a bag of bread on the counter and gestured to Four. “You gonna help me or what?”

“Fine…” He grumbled, setting down his hot pockets with a forlorn glance. “What are you- we- even making?”

“Grilled cheese.” Three pulled out a couple of plates. “And just so you know, I’m not cutting off the crusts for you, ya baby.”

“I wasn’t planning on asking.” Four rolled his eyes and brought some basic cheddar over.

“Yeah, right.” Three rummaged for a pan. “Do you even know how to make grilled cheese?”

“Of course I do! I’m like, one of the only ones actually allowed in the kitchen.”

“Aha!” The pan was set down on the stove with a clang. When Three went to turn the heat on, all that came out was a clicking noise. “Huh?”

“Here, let me.” Four appeared by his side, holding a long lighter. The moment he held it near the stovetop, flames bursted out. “It’s a little broken.”

“Of course it is.” Three tossed his gloves to the side for the second time that day. After thoroughly washing his hands, he started to set up the sandwiches. “Now go grab some butter, will ya?”

Too busy staring, it took Four a moment to register the question. He busied himself with the butter to distract himself. It sizzled when he dropped a chunk onto the heated pan.

Three scooted over, closer than usual. “Geez, that much butter? No wonder you’re so fat.” The biting comment had no actual malice behind it.

Four elbowed him in the side. “Hurry up and start cooking, I’m starving.”

“Hmph. Quit acting like I’m your housewife.” Three started cooking anyway.

Four grinned and went back to the fridge. As expected from earlier, it was completely devoid of any spaghetti. It looked that way at least, but Four knew better. He crouched down and found a couple Tupperware containers of leftover spaghetti, hidden behind the remaining veggies. He grabbed one of the containers and went back, setting it in the microwave.

Three raised a brow. “What’s that for?”

“Mario. The moment he smells food, he’ll come running in. I don’t want him taking our hard-earned grilled cheese.”

“Ah, yes, ‘hard-earned’,” Three laughed. He grabbed a spatula and flipped them over with surprising ease. Four laughed along, watching the timer tick.

The two of them waited together in comfortable silence. Eventually, a nagging question rose in Four’s mind. “What do you think One and Two will have us do tomorrow?”

Three scoffed. “Nothing good. I just want this to end already, so I can go back to my normal schedule.”

“We’ve only gone through a single lesson,” Four teased. “Two, if you count the first test.”

“Ugh, don’t remind me.” Three glared down at the grilled cheese like they had personally offended him. With two violent flicks of the wrist, each one landed on a seperate plate.

Loud beeping right in Four’s ear jerked him out of his staring. Dammit, again? He took the tupperware and sat at the table left of the kitchen, next to Three. He slid the container to the left and snatched one of the plates. With no hesitation, Four wolfed down his grilled cheese.

Three watched with an amused spark in his eye. “Not even bothering to wash your hands? You must get it from Mario.”

Four tried to come up with a rebuke, but was interrupted by the man in question slamming open the door. “FOOD?!”

Mario slammed into the table, slipping across with the spaghetti in his grasp. He landed with a thunk on the opposite side, and popped up beside Four only a second later. “FOOD!”

The guardian pair watched their dumbass avatar mow down the spaghetti like his life depended on it. Three took the opportunity to finish his sandwich before Mario could steal it.

“Well, I’ve had enough of being in your presence for today.” Three yawned, leaving his dirty plate on the table. Four wasn’t sure if his partner was talking about him or Mario… not that it matters anyway. Three pushed himself up and grabbed his gloves from the counter. “Cya tomorrow, SMG4!”

“Bye!” Four waved, smile staying on even after the doors shut. He turned back to Mario, who was now entirely up in his face. “You good?”

“You gay?” His best friend rebuked, practically staring into his soul.

“Nope, not hearing this.” Four grabbed his and Three’s plates and wandered over to the sink. “Besides, I’m not even gay, I’m bi.”

“Bi as in bitchless!” Mario grinned, mouth stained with spaghetti sauce.

Four rolled his eyes. “Finally learned to spell, huh?”

Mario leaned on the counter next to him, watching transfixed as Four took off his gloves, rolled up his sleeves, and did some manual labour for once. If washing two dishes could be counted as labour, that is. 

“Are you and Three dating?”

Four’s head snapped to the side so quickly it hurt. “Wha- NO!”

“Oki…” Mario tapped on the counter. “When are you gonna?”

“We’re not gonna!” Four dried off the dishes, avoiding his eyes. “What made you think that was even a possibility?!”

Mario gave him an unimpressed look so strong it made Four feel like HE was the dumbass here. Which I’m not!

“Listen ‘Rio,” he began, “Three’s my friend. A new one at that, compared to everyone else! There’s absolutely zero chance he would ever like me back.”

Four turned to Mario, expecting anything but the shit-eating grin he currently bore. “...what?”

Mario’s grin widened impossibly. “You said back. ‘...like me back. ’”.

The truth of Four’s freudian slip dawned on him. He realized with growing horror (and in Mario’s case, growing elation) that he had admitted to unspeakable out loud. “Wait-!”

“Nuh uh!” Mario shoved himself away from the counter. “Mario knew it from the beginning!”

“Mario-”

“Mario could see it… Mario could smell it!”

“Mario-!”

“This day will go down in HISTORY-!”

“MARIO!” He was interrupted not by the yell, but by Four grabbing him by the collar and yanking him close.

“If you tell anyone about this, I swear to the god box-!”

“Don’t worry Glitchy!” Mario patted his head, which absolutely did not help. “Your secret is safe with me. Mario promises.”

“There’s no secret! It was an accident, I don’t have feelings for him!”

“Mhm.” Mario winked. “No feelings at allll.”

Before Four could do anything else, Mario slipped out of his grasp and made a break for the door. “Good luck with your not-feelings Glitchy! Bye!” With the slamming of the kitchen doors, Four was left all alone.

“Fuck.”

Chapter Text

This time, Four woke up well before he had to train.

Granted, “woke up” wasn’t exactly accurate. Four had been tossing and turning all night, mind filled with thoughts of Mario spilling the beans, Three’s reaction, and even the infamous igloo every once in a while. He wasn’t sure if he could even begin to convince Mario what he said was just a slip-up- which it was! Still, there was absolutely no way Mario could ever keep a secret, even if he wanted to. Eventually, sooner or later, the truth would come out. Four would have to deal with the consequences.

He groaned, flipping onto his back and pressing his hands against his face. Gods, what is Three going to think? I mean, the two of us are barely even friends. We’ve had our moments, sure, but he’s indifferent towards me at best! At worst… Four sighed, turning onto his side. He might even hate me. And after what happened at the castle… I can’t blame him.

He remembered it vividly. While the rest of the possession was a blur, that moment stood out. Whenever his mind drifted back there- which it often did- he could practically feel the burning of his muscles as he struggled to pull the both of them back to the surface. He could see it before him, bright as day, the moment he nearly lost Three. All because of his obsession with some stupid video. Four knew he wouldn’t have actually dropped him- right?- but he had still hesitated. The dying remnants of the possession screamed at him, shrieking “drop him Drop Him DROP HIM”, burrowing painfully deep into his mind. The look on Three’s face, the desperation in his voice, would haunt him, resulting in many sleepless nights- just like this one.

Four shoved himself into a sitting position. He knew that he wouldn’t be able to sleep tonight. After nearly blinding himself with his phone screen, he read the time- 6:09 AM. Dammit, did I really stay up all night? At least I have some extra time to work. Using a single string of motivation as his lifeline, Four heaved himself out of bed.

The lights in his room flickered on, way too bright for this early in the morning. Four grumbled as he entered the main area. It was dim, the only light coming from the windows. Even then the room was much darker than usual. It was almost eerie, seeing it so lifeless. Four couldn’t help but beeline for the light switch. Sure, he was a bit of a scaredy cat, but after all the bull he’s been through, anyone else would be the same! Except for Mario of course, but he’s only scared of stupid things. Like reading.

He flicked on the light switch to the kitchen next. “You can’t make good memes when you’re hungry,” one of his friends had told him. Which is bullshit, I can make good memes no matter my condition! Thinking back, they might’ve just said that to make sure he didn’t forget to eat. Forgetting basic necessities while working was a common problem of his, especially after the Perfect Incident. Dang it, why do all my thoughts lead back to that?

Four was so absorbed in his own thoughts, he didn’t notice Melony until he was practically right next to her. She was sleeping on the counter, one arm hanging over the side. That cannot be comfortable. Still, she was completely relaxed. 

Four didn’t bother to be quiet as he made breakfast. He knew by now that waking Melony up was near impossible. Lucky for him, because his cereal had apparently decided to be extra loud that morning. He glared at it, and got no response. With a clink he set it down on the table.

“Ooh, that looks yummy!”

Four flinched, dropping his spoon and splashing milk over the side. “Jesus-!”

Melony yawned. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“No, it’s fine…” What is with people jumpscaring me in the kitchen?

She sat down next to him, resting her head on the table. “Why’re you up so early?”

He decided not to question how she knew what time it was. “Couldn’t sleep.”

Melony frowned, probably confused at the notion of being “unable to sleep”. “Is something wrong?”

Four shook his head. “Nothing important anyway.”

She didn’t seem happy with his answer. “Sleep is very important!”

“I know, I just-” He paused, staring down at his food. “...It’s kinda silly.”

“We’re silly!” Melony smiled, returning to a normal sitting position. When Four didn’t respond, her smile dropped. “Do you want to talk about it? I promise I won’t laugh.”

Four ran a hand through his hair. It’s not laughing that I'm worried about… “Alright… if you insist.”

“So… you remember the Perfect Incident, back at the old castle?” Melony nodded. Despite not being there, the others had told her what happened a thousand times. “Well, when the castle was sinking, after I finished the perfect video, I… I did something bad. I nearly… I nearly hurt one of our friends. And I just… I just can’t stop thinking about it.”

Melony was silent for a few heart-wrenching moments. Four couldn’t stand to meet her eyes, or even look at her. So it came as a surprise when her hand landed on his shoulder. “I understand.”

Four kept his gaze trained on his food. “How? You’ve never hurt one of our friends before.” His words came out harsher than he meant.

If Melony was bothered by this, she didn’t let it show. “I nearly did. Back when Bob helped me train my powers, after I lost Axol… I went on a rampage. I nearly sliced Mario in half. And I felt awful about it for a long time.”

Four stilled. “That’s- that’s not fair. You didn’t mean to.”

“Did you mean to hurt Three?”

Four’s shocked gaze snapped to meet her burning one. For someone so sweet, Melony could be really intense when she wanted to. “I never told you who it was.”

“Three was the only one with you after you finished the video, right?” 

Four tore his eyes away again. “..yeah.”

Melony got up from her chair. He expected her to storm off- It’s what I deserve. He didn’t expect her to wrap her arms around him. “Wha-”

“Listen,” she interrupted, “You made a mistake. And that’s okay. I know Three doesn’t hate you for it.” It sounded like she was repeating things she had been told herself. “He cares a lot about you.”

“Melony, I-”

“There’s- there’s one thing I regret. More than anything.” Her voice shook. “It’s not knowing how Axol-” Her voice broke. “How he felt about me. Promise me you won’t make Three go through the same thing.”

Four got up from his seat and turned to face Melony. It looked like she was about to burst into tears. His heart broke at the sight. He pulled her into a crushing hug. “I promise.”

Melony reciprocated, before pushing herself away. A smile broke out on her face, shining brighter than anything he had seen before. “Thank you.”

They hung out together until the sun was well over the horizon, and it was time for the second trial.

Chapter Text

“Time for the adventure of a lifetime!”

One and Two, who had shown up not long ago, grinned up at Three and Four. The former pair was delighted. The latter… not so much. Four was completely zoned out, barely even registering what was going on around him. Meanwhile, Three gawked at the sight before them.

Both of the usb spaceships, which neither of them had ever expected to see again, were causally parked in the front of the showgrounds. And they were HUGE- barely able to fit, despite the size of the clearing. Weirdest of all, neither of them even had a dent, despite having been blown up, tossed around, and beat up by an eldritch monster. The ships towered above them, a grand sight.

Three snapped himself out of his shock. “What the hell?! How did you get a hold of these?!”

“We’ve had them the whole time!” One held his head high. “We take usb safety very seriously.”

“No you haven’t!” Three glared at him. “Mine’s been in MY room this entire time. How did you get it?!”

“Oh, that’s easy! We snuck into your room while you were asleep.” Two smiled, not at all understanding that wasn’t a normal thing to do.

“...motherfu-!”

“What are we doing?” Four interrupted. He wasn’t bothered by the sudden appearance of the long-lost relics. This kind of thing was pretty normal for him, with how much trouble Mario got himself into.

Mario… Four involuntarily shuddered at the thought of his best friend. He hadn’t seen the red italian at all since yesterday, and he could only dread what secrets were being spilled. At least no one had said anything to him as of yet, but that was only a little reassuring.

Melony is right… I need to tell Three soon, before Mario gets the chance. If this secret has to come out, then it’ll be on MY terms. He couldn’t help but wonder how Melony even knew in the first place. Am I really that obvious? Or does she just recognize pining when she sees it? She has been writing a romance manga, after all… Four had decided to stop lying to himself regarding this little crush of his after he and Melony talked. Denial won’t get me anywhere, he repeated in his mind, no matter how embarrassing this is…

“Good question, SMG4!” One’s voice reminded him they were there. “The answer is simple. Anything you want!”

It was Four’s turn to gawk. “...what?”

Two nodded along. “You’ll need to learn to use these, in case of an emergency. And what better way to learn, than to practice!”

Three scoffed. “We already know how to use these. Do you remember Revelations, or is your memory failing you already, old man?”

Four snickered as the two stared each other down. The idea of Two being an “old man” was comical, considering he was like two feet tall and had a high-pitched voice. Though, thinking about it, One and Two had been out of their guardian pod a lot longer than he and Three had…

“We remember Revelations plenty.” One came to his partner’s defense. “We remember you crashing your ship.”

“Zero threw an ISLAND at us!” Three snapped back. “How were we supposed to dodge that?!”

“With practice, you can dodge anything!” Two’s cheerful disposition was back. “Now, get in the ship.”

“Wait, what will you two be doing?” Four glanced between the two spacecraft.

Two’s smile dropped, as quick as it had returned. “We’ll be heading to the moon. We have some… unfinished business to take care of.” He and One moved in sync, staring off into the distance.

“O-kay…” Four stepped around them, the silence quickly becoming awkward. A whistle caught his attention, and he noticed that Three had already climbed into their ship. He made his way over, jumping up and heaving himself over the side. He landed with an ungraceful thump.

“Nice going, scrub.” Three smirked, wandering over to his console on the right.

Four huffed, brushing dust off of his clothes. “Thanks for helping me up.”

“No problem!” Three didn’t wait before clicking a white button. The engine hummed to life, flames shooting out of the back thrusters. “Aw yeah!”

“Three!” Four rushed over to his controls, slamming down on it. The aircraft canopy- or spacecraft canopy, in this case- shut over them. He yanked back on a lever, causing the thrusters to tilt and begin lifting them up. He managed to send the ship skywards, narrowly avoiding hitting the castle.

Three rolled his eyes when he noticed Four’s scowl. “What? It turned out fiiine.”

“No thanks to you!” He grumbled, steadying the ship. Despite being mostly vertical, the gravitational pull remained constant, pointing to the floor. Some kind of artificial gravity, I guess.

The pair rode in silence as the sky grew darker. The hiss of machinery eventually broke it. A familiar screen rose up between them, sporting a familiar face. One grinned as his transmission came through. “Glad to see you still retained some of your skills.”

“Barely,” Four muttered.

One chose to ignore that. “For now, just keep practicing. I suggest you challenge yourself! Navigate the asteroid belt and such. Give Two and I a call when you are ready to return.”

“Great! I’m ready to return.” Four tapped his foot impatiently. “I have videos to get back to.”

“Not so fast!” The screen tilted to show Two. “Call us later, when you’ve actually done something.” On that note, the transmission closed. Four glared at the screen as it lowered into the floor.

“Hey, you’re not the only one who wants to get out of here.” Three leaned on the controls, dangerously close to some of the buttons. “I have a cafe to run. I’d rather be doing that than hanging out in space with you.”

“That’s not the problem,” Four clarified. “I’m fine hanging out with you. But wasting this much time when I could be productive? It’s infuriating!”

The other guardian coughed into his fist. “I mean. I’m fine hanging out with you too, or whatever.”

Four raised a brow. “Didn’t you just say you didn’t want to?”

“You’re imagining things.”

He felt his sullen mood melting away. Sure, this is a waste of time, but at least I can enjoy it. He turned to Three, who was trying very hard not to meet his gaze. I’m rarely bored when I’m with you…

Four didn’t have any time to cringe over how absolutely sappy that was before Three interrupted him. “Asteroid belt, huh?”

“I’m pretty sure that was just a suggestion.”

He could practically see the gears turning in Three’s mind. “What? Are you too scared?”

“I’m not stupid enough to go flying straight into the asteroid belt, Three.”

“No balls.”

Four turned ever so slowly to Three, who wore a devilish smile on his face. “What did you say?”

“No. Balls.”

Four shoved the lever forward, causing the ship to blast off. How it could possibly accelerate that quickly, he had no idea. By now it was far out of Earth’s atmosphere, the planet becoming a speck behind them. Three was laughing like a maniac. Which, considering he was goading them both into danger, he was.

“Do you even know which way you’re going?” Three lazily swiped at the controls, correcting the ship’s course.

“Do you ?” Four braced himself on the panel, internally bashing himself. Am I really willing to risk my life, just to impress my crush?

His question was answered when the asteroid belt loomed into view. It was a lot more intimidating up close. He began to have second thoughts- and so did Three. He didn’t even have to look at the other to tell- he could feel it through their guardian connection. If I said we should turn around now, he’d probably agree.

Except…

“Ready to go?” Four revved the engine, grinning.

Three didn’t share the sentiment. “Uh… I’m beginning to think this isn’t the best idea…”

“Too late!” Four sent their ship hurtling forward. The plan was to head in, and head right back out. Just to mess with him a little! It was clearly working- Three looked petrified. Four felt bad, but the ship was already moving too rapidly. While it could accelerate frighteningly quickly, its de-acceleration could use some work. By the time he started having second thoughts, they were already inside.

“Four, what the hell are you doing?!” Three’s shout fell on deaf ears. Four was trying his best to focus, sending the ship gliding between two incoming asteroids. The visual of debris from the collision rattled him to his core.

“See-” Four cut off, directing his attention to dodging another obstacle. When he continued, his voice was much shakier than before. “See, this isn’t so bad!”

He could feel Three staring daggers into his side, but couldn’t pay it any mind. Deciding this short excursion was more than enough adventure, he pulled far up on the lever, causing them to flip entirely upside down. Of course, it didn’t feel like they were upside down- artificial gravity and all- but still. They rocketed back in the direction they came, empty space beyond the last stretch of rocks.

Unfortunately, his lack of training caught up to him. He had only flown this damn thing once, and that was years ago! It was only a matter of time before he messed up. He dodged upwards, but didn’t move quick enough, skimming the top of an asteroid. The turbines grumbled their complaints, shaking the ship and careening off-balance. The next hit came from the side, crashing into one of the thrusters.

“WARNING. Starboard thruster has been damaged. Efficiency has been compromised.”

“Let me handle this!” Three snapped, grabbing his controls and taking the lead. The spaceship wrenched upwards, sending them way above another block. His partner steered the ship with harsh movements, jolting them this way and that. Despite the vomit-inducing ride, he hadn’t made a mistake yet, except-

“ON THE LEFT!” Four yelped, grabbing for his controls. Three’s head snapped over to see an asteroid on the outer ridge hurtling towards them. He reached for his lever and pulled the spaceship upwards- the same moment Four pulled it down. The ship registered both of their inputs, cancelling them out and colliding with the asteroid head-on.

Four was sent flying onto his back. Three wasn’t so lucky, slamming into the back console with a sickening thud. The lights inside the ship flickered as it lurched, the dying machinery hissing right in his ears. Flames burst from the outside, created an oddly beautiful sight as it swirled together with the dust of the belt. The asteroid, which had been cracked in half, floated out of view. The ship kept calling out, “WARNING, WARNING, WARNING” , error messages overlapping one another. 

The chaos overwhelmed him, leaving the ship- and his mind- spinning out of control.

Chapter Text

Eventually, the chaos died down. The ship’s momentum slowed, though not without making him want to puke. Four laid there for a long moment, letting his heartbeat return to normal. The ship floated through space, drifting away from the asteroid belt. In only a minute’s time, they had gotten completely screwed. Awwww shi-

A groan interrupted his thoughts. Four scrambled to his feet, making his way over to Three. His partner was leaning against the back console, pressing one hand against his head. Four’s heartbeat quickened again. “You good?”

Three opened his eyes, grimacing. “Hardly. No thanks to you.”

Despite his harsh words, Four felt relieved. I would’ve been more worried if he didn’t act pissed. “Yeah, sorry… but in my defense, you did dare me to do it.”

“I dared you to go into the belt, not into an asteroid…” He grumbled, standing up straight again. He took in his surroundings, and Four did the same. They looked on dejectedly at the trashed environment. The inside wasn’t too bad, but the outside was severely roughed up. Scorch marks covered most surfaces, and there were huge gashes in the front, almost resembling claw-marks. The canopy was in one piece, luckily enough, but was cracked. Electrical fizzing filled the air, alongside the smell of smoke. Overall, the ship wasn’t doing too hot.

Three pressed a button on his console. As expected, nothing happened. “Well, fuck.”

Four stared at him. “‘Well, fuck’? Is that all you have to say?”

Three looked at him like he was the weird one. “Yeah, pretty much.”

“How are you not panicking?!” He began to pace, eyes flicking over all the destroyed machinery. “We’re stuck in space! You should be panicking!”

“One, don’t tell me what to do, and two,” Three shrugged, “I’m pretty sure the shock hasn’t worn off yet.” He kept pressing random things on the console, as if that would make any difference. “At least this time we aren’t being hunted down by an eldritch beast… that we know of.” He turned to Four with a grin.

Four pretended he wasn’t affected, but glanced outside of the ship anyway. “The ship can’t move, but maybe if we… no…” He mused, still pacing. “If only we… Eureka!”

“Did- did you just fucking s-” Three was interrupted by Four slamming his fist down on his own console. The screen they had used for communication earlier whirred as it was lifted into view. Its screen showed static for a moment, before displaying a message: “No connection available”.

“NO!” Four fell to his knees dramatically. “I’m going to die here- WAIT! MY CHANNEL!” 

Three watched on with undisguised judgement. “You’re more concerned about your channel than your life?”

Four flopped onto his back, staring up at the stars. “Yeah, pretty much.”

“Dude…” Three copied him, laying down by his side. “That kinda bullshit is how you got possessed a while ago.”

“Can you blame me?” Four argued back. “I go through life-threatening experiences nearly every week! It’s kinda hard to start taking death seriously after all that.”

“Whatever,” he sighed. The silence stretched out between them. 

“So… how’s the cafe going?”

“Seriously?” Three turned to give him a quizzical look. “You’re trying to make small talk right now?” 

“What else is there to do?” Four gestured to the ship. “We have no way to communicate with others, and we have no tools! Besides, I doubt either of us know how to work with this kind of technology.”

“So what? We just wait until someone magically comes along to save our asses?”

“Do you have a better plan?”

“...no.”

“Exactly.” Proud of himself, Four put his effort into relaxing. His happiness was short-lived, however, and was quickly replaced by boredom. Apparently, sitting around in a broken spaceship with nothing to do is a bad experience. Nothing to do, except…

“Hey, Three?”

He groaned. “What do you want?”

You, his mind whispered. His mouth, much more rationally, said “To talk! Might as well.”

“Absolutely not.” Three heaved himself up, footsteps echoing around the small chamber as he walked off to gods-know-where. 

Four craned his neck to take a peek. His partner had already begun busying himself with a few wires, which had torn and slipped out of the side of the back console. “Hey!”

Three ignored him, and continued ignoring him even when Four crouched down next to him. With a grunt, he tore off the loose metal panel, revealing the mess of electricity inside.

“Woah.” Four was impressed both by Three’s sudden strength, and the complexity of the ship’s insides. Granted, he didn’t know much about machinery in the first place, so anything mildly complicated to an engineer would seem impossibly intricate to him.

Three shared the belief. He rolled his eyes, nudging aside a couple of the wires. “For ancient technology, this stuff seems pretty amateur.”

“Technically it’s only 15 years old. Also, don’t let the ship hear you saying that.” Four was only partially kidding- for all he knew, the ship could very well hear and get insulted by Three’s slander. 

Three didn’t respond, muttering to himself. He pressed a few buttons, watching as sparks shot out of the frayed copper wires. “...I might be able to salvage this.”

Four’s head snapped over to stare at him. “Really?”

“Don’t look so surprised,” he scoffed. “I used to work with machines and stuff all the time. This is easy.”

“Ohhh, right.” Four redirected his attention back to the console itself. “Back when you were trying to kill me, and all.”

Three’s movements stilled. “...right.” He stood up abruptly, making his way over to his console instead. He struggled to remove the plating this time, seeing as it was somehow less damaged than the back one. Was it because Three crashed into it? Four wondered. Putting that to the back of his mind, he joined his partner in yanking the metal. With their combined strength, it tore away with a resounding shriek.

Three immediately took to experimenting again. Four waited by his side, feeling incredibly awkward. Should I just be sitting here? Should I be… helping? How? I don’t know anything about engineering… or do I? Does he want me to leave? Four had assumed admitting these… these feelings would’ve changed things, made it easier for him to appreciate their growing closeness. But instead, all it did was make him even more unsure of himself. Why does this have to be so difficult? I’m a social star, dammit! I have lots of friends, why does this form of love feel so much different?

Three cleared his throat. “I’m, uh… I'm sorry. For that.”

Four tore himself away from his thoughts. “What?”

“I… I shouldn’t have done that stuff to you. Or your friends. I felt like- I was being an ass. So… I’m sorry.”

Four took a moment to process what was going on. When he did, a grin broke out on his face. “...wow. An apology from the great SMG3?”

“Don’t push your luck. I’m not above reverting to evil again.”

“No, no, I appreciate it!” He playfully shoved at Three. “Just didn’t think you had it in you.”

“Don’t make me turn my character development around!”

“Hah!” Four was fully leaning against his partner now. To his surprise, Three didn’t bother to push him off. They stayed like that, resting against another in comfortable silence. Physical affection was something Four was quite used to by now, given his friends, but this was different. I’m certainly not complaining…

Disaster struck when Three shrieked and flinched backwards. Four was dislodged, falling onto his back. The smell of burnt fabric, smoke, and something much more sickening told him all he needed to know. “Three!”

The man in question was cradling one of his hands, hunched over into himself. The screeching was replaced by painful hissing, a few curses sprinkled in for flavor. The wires he had just been working on sizzled, a couple lone sparks glittering among the tangled mess.

Four rested a hand on his partner’s shoulder, trying to see the injury. “Are you okay?”

“Obviously not!” He snapped, ducking away again. 

A flare of irritation lit in his chest, but was washed out by worry. “Can I see?” At Three’s hesitation, he continued, “I’ve been injured a lot- friends with Mario, and whatnot. I know how to take care of this stuff.”

Three pulled off his damaged glove, revealing the burn. The skin was an angry red, and looked almost glossy. Four deliberated over it, holding Three’s hand in both of his own. “Looks like… first or second-degree burn?” He met Three’s eyes, giving him a reassuring smile. “Not as bad as it could’ve been!”

He huffed, pulling his hand back. It was only now that Four noticed his face was as red as his burn. Three turned away and muttered, “Still hurts like hell…”

“Oh- here!” Four pulled off his cap, and began to root around in it. After a few moments of chaotic rustling, he brandished a bottle full of pain medication.

Three took it with a raised brow, struggling to take off the cap with one hand. “How convenient.”

“If only I brought some water with me.” Four realized now just how damn thirsty he was. He never brought any water on his adventures- it’s a miracle I haven’t died of dehydration already- and rarely any food either. Now, he and Three were stuck without either of those- in space!

Four glanced over at his partner. Three had managed to get the bottle open, not bothering to read the back before downing a pair. His injured hand laid motionless beside him, its burn growing redder and probably forming blisters. Hungry, thirsty, injured, and stranded… we’re so fucked. I hope One and Two come to get us soon…

What if they can’t? The thought shook him to his core. What if they can’t find us? Or they get stranded too? Do the others even know we’re here? Will they notice if I disappear? The full force of the situation crashed down on him at once. After all these adventures, after all the enemies I've fought, is this how I’ll die? From some stupid accident, all alone?

Well… not alone. “Three?”

Three turned to face him, but Four couldn’t meet his eyes. “Promise me you won’t make Three go through the same thing”; that’s what Melony had told him.

This is stupid. Four gathered his courage. You’re stranded in space. If this goes wrong, you’ll be stuck with each other until you’re rescued, or you die. He met Three’s gaze. He just got injured, and you’re going to drop this on him? What kind of friend are you? “Three, I… I have something important to tell you.”

“Well?” Sensing his nervousness, Three scooted closer. “Spill it already.”

Four took a deep breath. “I-”

A bang interrupted him as the ship rocked once again. The two of them flinched apart, Four’s eyes darting wildly for the source. The lights in their ship brightened- wait, no, that wasn’t right. There was a new light source, coming from outside. Aliens? A fire? Another eldritch monster?

The answer was none of those- well, technically they are aliens- but instead, One and Two’s ship! The two of them waved gleefully at their shocked audience. Their canopy opened, and they gestured for them to come inside.

Three and Four glanced at each other, neither completely understanding how this happened. Three rushed up to the window, gesturing back at them. Four, meanwhile, looked for a solution. It wasn’t being in open space unprotected that was the problem- he had experienced that many times- it was their canopy. With the controls no longer working, they couldn’t open it to get to the other ship. His eyes fell on the metal plate he and Three had torn from his console earlier.

“Heads up!” Three dodged to the side just in time for the metal to go crashing through the canopy. Glass shards spiraled outwards into the empty void of space. Four felt the weightlessness lift him, artificial gravity no longer stabilized. He and Three wasted no time rushing out of their busted spacecraft into One and Two’s significantly less busted one.

The untouched canopy closed behind them, the familiar gravity returning as quickly as it had gone. Though, untouched was not a word Four would use to describe the rest of the ship. It was covered in nicks and dents, alongside the occasional singe. “...what the hell happened to you?”

“What the hell happened to you?” One pointed out, not bothering to look back as he sent the ship flying off. “Navigating the asteroid belt was only a suggestion, y’know.”

“Yeah, yeah…” Four groaned, leaning against the back of the ship. Three joined him, once again cradling his injured hand. 

Two noticed, casting a concerned look his way. “We don’t have any medical supplies with us, as of now. You’ll have to wait until we get back.”

Three sighed. “I’m fine, really. More importantly, how the hell did you find us?”

“Ooh!” One lit up like a firework. “I installed a tracking mechanism in each of our pods, in case any of them were lost again!”

Two laughed. “You really thought we’d let you two run off without a way to find you? This is only your second time flying!”

“We detected the crash when it happened, but…” One waved towards the noticeable issues in the ship’s condition. “We were a bit busy.”

“Enough with the small talk, let’s get home already!” Three seethed. The other pair sighed, but ultimately decided not to get in a fight about it. After all, even without a direct guardian connection, it was easy to tell he was still in quite a bit of pain.

“So…” Three nudged Four. “What was it that you were meaning to tell me?”

Four shook his head, heat rising to his cheeks. “...nevermind. It’s nothing.”

Three clearly didn’t believe him, but decided not to push it. They both stared off at the stars racing past, an uncertain silence hanging between them.

Chapter Text

The day was already off to a weird start.

Which, considering Four’s “normal”, was pretty impressive. His morning routine went on as usual, but was derailed after breakfast. Leaving Mario behind in the kitchen (who had decided to ambush him for his food, only to collapse upon realizing it had plants inside), he decided to stop by Three’s for coffee. Besides, it would be good to have a chat before One and Two showed up to drag them around.

It all went awry the moment he slammed into the cafe door. He reeled back, only now noticing the sign. It read, “ Closed ”. Which, for the record, was perfectly normal for any kind of business to do. But seriously, Three’s cafe was never closed on this day. What the hell?

His question was answered a second later when a pair of voices sounded from behind him. He turned to see Meggy and SMG3 walking to the showgrounds together. Three was talking animatedly as he argued about… something. Meggy interjected every once in a while, her smile never faltering despite Three’s harsh tone. Four couldn’t make out what they were saying.

It took them only a moment to notice him. Meggy’s smile widened, and she dragged Three over with her. “Speak of the devil!”

“You were talking about me?” Four laughed it off, but couldn’t help the feeling of insecurity gnawing at his gut.

She noticed, thankfully enough, and reassured him. “All good things, don’t worry.” She cast a mischievous glance at Three, as if sharing an inside joke. Since when were they so close?

Whatever the joke was, Three didn’t seem to find it funny. “Yeah, yeah. What are you doing outside my cafe anyway?”

“Thought I could get some coffee. It’s usually open today, but I guess there’s been a change of plans.” 

“You know the cafe’s schedule?” Meggy jumped in, mischief still lingering on her expression.

“Well, yeah, it’s right next to my house-”

“It’s been great Meggy!” Three forced a smile, suddenly grabbing Four and dragging him away from the shop. “Bye!”

“Bye Three!” She was a lot less confused than he was. “And good luck!”

“Good luck?” Four asked, pulling his arm away but still walking with him. The touch lingered.

Three turned away, trying in vain to hide the red rising to his cheeks. “It’s nothing.”

Four sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose. “Sure, sure, whatever. I’m too tired to care about whatever secrets you two are keeping from me.”

Three looked about ready to interject, when someone else beat him to it. “Ready so soon?” SMG1 and SMG2 had somehow snuck right in front of them. Three snickered when he saw Four jump, and he gave him a scowl in response.

“Can we not do something dangerous today?” Three complained, waving one of his gloved hands in the air. “I’m still injured from yesterday, y’know.”

One nodded, practically vibrating with excitement. “Don’t worry, today will be much more safe.”

“THIS is what you consider SAFE?!”

Four shared Three’s astonishment, though couldn’t voice it. They stood staring at a large open field, decorated with military-grade equipment and structures. Looming logs and tough nets made up most of the “activities”, empty except for their group. There were a few other perilous things, such as towering builds, barbed wire, and- are those cannons?! With growing horror, he realized this was reminiscent of the-

“THE FRIENDSHIP OBSTACLE COURSE!” One’s joy was blinding. “The revamped version!”

“Since you did so great on the last one, we figured we’d up the stakes- by using the military’s stuff.” Two’s calm tone was a contrast to One’s overpowering passion. Speaking of One, he had eagerly dashed over to what Four assumed was the start of the course.

“Goddamnit!” Three cursed, stomping over to follow. “Let me guess, you have Mario on the other side again?”

“Even better.” Two pointed to some kind of platform in the distance. “We have a prize, one for each of you. Believe me, it’s worth it.”

Three nudged Four, grinning. “If it’s anything like your prizes, we shouldn’t even bother.”

“Hey!” He elbowed his friend. “I thought the bike bell was nice. It was themed too!”

“Are you ready?!” One scurried behind the duo and pushed them forward. They stumbled, staring ahead at the revamped course. The start was just a simple ramp with a rope, but Four could see some more intimidating parts up ahead.

“So, are you gonna tell us how to… huh?” He turned around, only to find One and Two had disappeared.

“Gone as quickly as they arrived.” Three’s gaze darted around. “Probably hiding somewhere, plotting-” He abruptly cut off when Four bolted over to the ramp. “Wha-”

“I bet I can beat you to the end!” Four grinned, grabbing the rope and heaving himself up. It was more difficult than he anticipated, but all of his adventures provided him with more than enough strength. He made it to the top and grinned down at a fuming Three.

“No fair!” Three followed in his footsteps, powered by rage. If he was bothered by his injured hand at all, he sure didn’t show it. Four dashed across the elevated platform, taking in the next obstacle. It was a wide ladder, but tilted in his direction.

They both climbed nearly upside-down, reaching the top at the same time. Fueled by their respective competitive spirits, they slid down onto the other side and made a mad dash for the next obstacle. It was a series of logs in a neat row, spread apart to force people to jump around. Three took the lead, making his way across with surprising agility. Four copied his movements, but went too fast at the last minute and nearly slipped between the cracks- if it weren’t for Three.

His partner yanked him to safety, steading him on his shaky feat. Four looked up at him in surprise, and only got a grin in response. “Now we’re even.”

“What?” Four stood straight, but noted that Three’s hands still rested on his arms. He couldn’t bring himself to push them off.

“For helping me on the ship, duh.” Three brought his hands back, pointing at the injured one. “But don’t think I'll be saving your ass again.”

Despite the loss of contact, Four felt a goofy smile growing on his face. “Sure, whatever you say.”

With newfound determination, the pair crossed many more obstacles with ease. Rope bridges, hurdles, some kind of pull-up thing that they were probably supposed to do but just walked under anyway, the works. And if there were a few close calls involved, a few saves, then no one had to know. No one except them, of course.

The trouble came at the last section of the course. They were on elevated platforms the whole time, climbing steadily higher with each obstacle. It was only when they neared the end that it really became a problem.

“A tightrope?!” Four gaped at the rope, hanging far above the ground. It wobbled dangerously in the breeze. He had managed up to this point, but he just didn’t have the skill to do this! “There isn’t even a net!”

“Maybe One and Two have some sort of failsafe in case we fall?” Three eyed the nearby supports, searching for hidden mechanisms. “I doubt they’re dumb enough to make us do this without a contingency plan.”

Four swung his head from side to side. “They’re not even here! They haven’t been here since the start! It’s like they don’t even- THREE WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!”

While he was distracted, Three had tested out the tightrope. It was firm, tightly strung between the two sides. He placed one foot onto it, seeing how it handled his weight. Then, he placed another. He wobbled precariously for a moment, before steadying himself. After only a second of being on the rope, he felt hands wrenching him back. “HEY!”

“Are you trying to get yourself killed?!” Four’s hands moved erratically. “There’s no way this is safe!”

“It isn’t,” Three admitted, “But I can handle myself.”

“Since when can you walk a tightrope?!”

“Since Puzzle Park, I guess.” Three shrugged, missing the way Four tensed up at the name. “Are we crossing or what?”

“We?” Four crossed his arms, hiding the way they trembled. “Do you expect me to be a tightrope master too?”

Three hesitated, going over options in his mind. Four waited impatiently for an answer, ignoring his stomach churning. His partner perked up, a devilish grin coming across his face. “Hold still.”

“What d- ACK!” Four flailed as he was quite literally swept off his feet, now in the arms of his guardian partner. With his dread rising and a furious red tinting his cheeks, he glared up at him. “The hell?!”

“We need to get across.” The devilish grin was still here, though accompanied by a matching red. “Keep still, unless you want us to fall.”

“SHIT!” Four clung to Three as he stepped out onto the tightrope. His grip was likely too tight, but all he could bring himself to care about was the sickeningly long drop waiting below. “I’m going to kill you once I’m on solid ground!”

“Way to-” Three cut off as they wobbled, focusing all his attention on the task at hand. Once they were steady again, he continued like nothing happened. “Way to thank me for helping you out.”

“I swear-” Four hissed, gripping his arms even tighter.

“Relax, I've juggled bombs before on one of these things! Besides, we’re already halfway th-”

Three cut off again, this time by something shooting through the air above them. It wasn’t close enough that they could even feel the wind, but the sight was enough to scare them. Three froze in his place, while Four recoiled. “Huh?!”

Another projectile- this one was scarily closer. Now that he was expecting it, Four got a closer look. “They’re memes!”

Three glared off into the distance, failing to spot their assailant. “Very helpful!” He tensed up as another projectile wooshed past them, this time from the other side. “Shit, what now?!”

Four evened out his breathing, grasping for any idea. Luckily, brainstorming was his specialty. “Just keep moving, I’ll handle this!”

“How the fuck do you plan to help?” Four let his actions speak for themselves, placing his hand over Three’s. The flow of meme energy coursed through them, attuning them to the surrounding energy. The feel of potential energy nearby alerted him to another meme. This time, he didn’t wait for it to pass by. The glowing power hovered in the air before Four sent it away with a flick of the wrist.

“Woah…” Three forced himself back to focus. “Keep them busy, alright?”

“Already on it!” Four grinned, letting his powers take the lead. Another projectile rendered harmless, then returned to sender. He didn’t hear an explosion- I wonder what’s happening to the meme energy? It’s not like he could see it anyway, being nestled in Three’s arms.

Four couldn’t let himself savor the moment, choosing to instead keep them alive. The projectiles were getting more accurate, which was worrying. Four could handle them, but if he missed even one-

“Boom!” Four flinched at the sudden acceleration, as Three launched them both onto the final platform. His partner grinned down at him, pride dancing in his eyes. “How’s that for skill?”

Four’s heartbeat was caught between slowing down due to lack of danger, and speeding up due to… well, it’s obvious enough. He settled for smiling back up at his partner. “Impressive.”

“I know, right?” Three gloated. “Though, I suppose you aren't half bad yourself.”

“Wow, I’m honored.” Four laughed, letting himself relax in his partner’s arms.

Three took that moment to realize he was still holding Four. He let go almost immediately. “Shit-”

Four dropped unceremoniously to the floor, landing with a thump. “Ow.” He pushed himself into a sitting position. Red burned into both of their faces.

“CONGRATS!” One’s voice exclaimed. Twin blurs of blue and yellow raced up to the top platform, landing with unprecedented speed. “You dodged all of our attacks, and completed the course!” From the new vantage point, Four could just barely see cannons way off in the distance. So that's how...

“Great demonstration of teamwork! Your bond really has improved.” Two smiled up at them, something knowing in his gaze.

Four didn’t have time to ponder over that before One took the floor again. “So, what did you think?!”

“I think it was bul-”

“Wonderful!” Four interrupted his partner. We should stay on his good side.

Good idea. “Yep. Just peachy.” Using their guardian connection was like second nature to them, especially in a situation like this.

“...and excellent usage of meme powers!” Four tuned back into what Two was saying. “We didn’t think you’d be ready for the final trial this early, but…”

“Final trial?”

One and Two glanced at each other. The former spoke up. “You’ll learn about it soon enough. Now, for your prize!”

Four leaped to his feet at the mention, while Three’s eyes sparkled with excitement. The other guardians produced a simple cardboard box. Three snatched it up with surprisingly quick reflexes, tossing the lid off of the platform and sending it plummeting. He stared down into the box, expression morphing into one of… confusion?

“Let me see!” Four had little trouble taking it from Three. He immediately noticed the issue. Inside laid what looked to be one of the brand new Nintendo Switch 2 consoles! Except…

“We wanted it to be fair, so we cut it in half!” Two grinned, clearly proud of himself. Three, however, didn’t feel the same.

“MOTHERFU-!”

Chapter Text

It was the last day of training.

At least, that’s what the text SMG1 and SMG2 sent him said. SMG4 glanced down at the phone, double-checking. We’ve only had a couple of lessons. Is that really enough for them? I expected them to be way more intense about all this, like they were back in the days of Omnia Academy. He remembered days of grueling days of training, testing them over and over… it was made all the worse by the fact that he and Three were at each other’s throats the whole time. How times have changed…

Either way, Four couldn’t complain. The sooner this training thing is done, the sooner I can get back to my videos! With a grin, he made his way over to Three’s cafe.

Three noticed him almost immediately, walking over to the counter with Eggdog in his arms. “We’re closed today, scrub. Didn’t you see the sign?”

Of course I did. “Aw, what, I can’t come over to see my friend?” Four leaned on the counter, right across from him.

Three scoffed, but it had no bite behind it. “Nope. Now make yourself scarce, before I sic Eggdog on you.” The tiny dog in question yapped at their name, looking about as intimidating as a cheez-it. 

Four reached over and pet Eggdog, who thrived in all the attention. Three couldn’t keep his stoic demeanor up anymore, and hugged his dog close to his chest. “I’m assuming you got the text?”

“Yep.” Four wished he weren’t wearing gloves, so he could feel Eggdog’s fur. Speaking of gloves… “How’s your hand, by the way?”

“It’s fine. Good enough to deal with whatever training we have today.”

“The final trial…” Four stood up straight, glancing back at the cafe doors. “Then all this will be over.”

“Finally.” Weirdly enough, Three didn’t seem as happy as Four thought he would’ve been. He decided not to pry- after all, Four himself had some mixed feelings on the subject.

“Ready to go?” Four stepped back from the counter, the smile returning to his face.

Three nodded, setting Eggdog down on the floor. The dog gave a few barks of protest, but quickly settled down. Three never felt comfortable using his powers around Eggdog- it brought up bad memories. So, they left them behind.

The day felt slow, almost melancholy. Four couldn’t tell why it felt this way- he had gone through depressive moods like this before, but there was no reason he should be feeling like this now. Is it just an off day? Whatever the reason, when he and Three linked hands and walked to their destination, Four’s day got just a little bit brighter.

In hindsight, walking to their destination wasn’t the best idea. One and Two had sent them the location, but he hadn’t bothered to check what it was or how long it would take to get there. Needless to say, the two of them were peeved by the time they arrived.

The location itself wasn’t great either. For reasons unknown to him, they had been directed right to the entrance of what looked like a ghost town. Run-down buildings were scattered about, alongside the remains of what once was. Cracked roads were dirtied with all sorts of stray debris. The smell alone was off-putting. Worst of all, it was completely silent.

At least, it was silent before a familiar voice drifted out from one of the buildings. Both guardians turned to stare. “Mario?”

Sure enough, when they peeked into the building, Mario was there. He was waving his hands animatedly as he yapped on about something. He bounced on his feet as he addressed One and Two, who stood in front of him with twin poker faces. To say he was excited was an understatement. Three rolled his eyes, pushing past Four. “OI!”

All three pairs of eyes snapped to look at them. Four waved sheepishly, while Three glared them down. One gestured to call them over. “Ah, hello.”

“We were wondering when you’d get here.” Two was unfazed by the other’s scowl. “Ready for the final trial?”

“Uh…” Four intervened before Three could go on a tirade. “What exactly are we doing here? And why is Mario with us?”

“Hi Glitchy!” Mario waved, grinning ear to ear. Four waved back, with less enthusiasm.

“Today, we’ll be testing your proficiency when it comes to the most important part of being a guardian!” Two grinned up at them expectantly.

“...memes?”

“NO!” One huffed. “Protecting the avatar!”

“From what, exactly?” Three fixed them with a judgemental stare. “Zero’s long gone, and it’s not like he can die by anything other than meme energy, so shouldn’t we just focus on keeping the life-cycle intact?”

He has a good point… but Two clearly didn’t agree. “You never know what might happen…” Four thought back to when he saw their memories of Spudnik. I wonder if they thought the same thing…

“Fine.” Three stepped back, standing beside Four again. “Tell us what to do…”

One cleared his throat. “This challenge is simple. Protect the avatar, and make sure he is unharmed. If he is heavily injured at all during the designated time, then you fail.”

“Protect him? From what?” Four looked around. “You guys?”

“Nope, we’ll be standing on the sidelines for this one.” Two gestured to their surroundings. “We hired some assassins instead!”

“WHAT?” Four shifted closer to Three, who was similarly perturbed.

“They won’t be after us, right?”

One shrugged. “We only told them to hunt down the avatar, but we can’t promise there won’t be any accidents…”

“That’s why we hosted the challenge here!” Two clapped his hands together, grinning like a madman. “There won’t be any collateral damage.”

“We’ll be collateral damage!” Three shouted, throwing his hands in the air. “Are you trying to kill us?!”

“You should be perfectly fine,” One tried to reassure him. “If anything goes wrong, we have plenty of medical experience.”

“YOU DON’T HAVE ANY FUCKING HANDS!”

Four tuned out their argument, going over strategies in his head. How do we do this? How long do we have to survive? How many assassins are there? Is this how I die? Four felt something thump against him. He turned to see Mario leaning against him. “You okie?”

Four took a deep breath. “For now.”

Mario grinned. “Mario will be on his best behavior, Mario promises!”

“Thanks, ‘Rio.” Four redirected his focus to the task at hand. The other guardians had stopped squabbling, though tension still hung in the air. “How long do we have until the challenge is done?”

“That’s for us to know, and you to find out!” Two answered.

“Okay… how many people will we be up against?”

“That’s for us to know, and you to find out!”

“...how skilled are they?”

“That’s for-”

“We get it!” Three cross his arms. “Let’s just get this stupid thing over with. And you’re paying for my medical bills.”

“What’s a medical bill?”

Four groaned, grabbing his partner by the hand. “C’mon, let’s see if we can get a head start.” He grabbed Mario too, this time by the arm, and dragged them both away. The other pair watched them go in silence, unheard conversations crossing between them.

“Where the hell are we going?” Three demanded, but didn’t let go of his hand.

“I… don’t know.” Four admitted. “That’s what I’m trying to figure out.” He brought them outside, scanning the nearby buildings. Most of them were far too run-down to serve as a shelter, let alone defense. He analyzed the remains. Too small… too many windows… too flimsy… too damaged… “There!” Four took off running down the street, the others by his side.

They were halfway there when Mario ripped his arm out of Four’s grip. He was about to yell at  him to come back, when he was interrupted by a projectile hurtling past him, right where Mario’s head was. Missing its target, it embedded itself into the ground behind them.

“Ninjas? Really?” Three scoffed, turning away from the ninja star to glower at the buildings to his sides. Whoever had thrown that had disappeared as quickly as they appeared, without a trace in sight.

“Hurry!” Four took off running, with the other two close behind him. A flicker of movement to his left was all the notice he needed. Four skidded to a stop, grabbing Mario and pulling him down. The wind whistled as another star tore through the air above them. They’re aiming for the head, so we need to duck low. He sent the thought through his guardian connection, running off again.

Their attacker vanished, along with any attempts on Mario’s life. The mad dash to the building was a lot easier thanks to that. Four wasn’t sure why, but he wasn’t about to complain. The trio burst through the doors, slamming them shut behind them.

“Just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse, it got stupider.” Three grumbled, adjusting his hat. “So, what’s the plan here?”

“THE NINJA’S GONNA GET MY ASS!” Mario wailed, running in circles before slamming face-first into a wall.

Three ignored him. “Four, you have a plan, right? Four?”

The man in question stood frozen by the entrance doors. He had chosen this building because it was huge- much larger than any others. It had closed-off windows, a clear main entrance, all things helpful for defense. It hadn’t been until he set foot inside that he realized what it was- an abandoned hospital.

This shouldn’t be an issue, and Four knew it! Not only were hospitals huge, but they would likely have tons of surgical tools that could be used as weapons! But Four couldn’t help the fear that grew in his chest. Not only were abandoned hospitals one of the most common horror tropes, they were one of his greatest fears. After the incident where a doctor tore part of his brain out, all while he was awake, he couldn’t bear to go near another one. And now here he was, in an abandoned hospital, actively being hunted down. 

“Four!” He tore himself from his thoughts to realize Three was right in front of him, hands on his shoulders. “Dude, you good?”

“I-” Four turned his eyes to the ground. “I’m fine. Let’s just go.” Three clearly didn’t believe him, but didn’t call him out on it. He linked their hands together, which caused Four’s fear-infested thoughts to be replaced with something much nicer.

Mario stood by him again, already recovered. “Don’t-a worry Glitchy! Mario will fight ‘em off!” He began to do a crude imitation of shadowboxing. Still, it helped. Having his best friend and his partner by his side… nothing could tear him down.

That nothing came in the form of another assassin, quite literally bursting through the walls. Fresh debris scattered around the halls as some kind of minotaur stared them down.

“The fu-” Four didn’t have time to finish his sentence before she charged. Mario leapt to one side while the guardians leapt to the other. Thank god for these big-ass hallways, he mused while scrambling to his feet. The bull lady huffed, reaching for Mario, who looked downright terrified.

“Where are they finding these people?!” Three exclaimed, throwing a piece of rock at her head. She grunted in pain, before grabbing a much bigger piece and returning the favor. “Oh shi-”

Four pulled Three away just in time. “Focus!” He snatched up a sharp piece of metal, going for the legs. The assassin dodged with ease, rearing up a leg to send him flying. Before she could, Mario leapt on her head, yanking at her horns. She lost balance, toppling over onto him.

Four could only pray that nothing was broken as her crushing weight settled on him. His face was pressed to the dusty floor, rendering him blind for the time being. The minotaur lady recovered much quicker than he did, pushing herself up again. With a bellow, she stomped off. The sounds of fighting urged him to get up, but his body refused.

“-chy!” A faint voice, but forever recognizable. “Glitchy! Get up!” Mario flipped him over, leaving him starting groggily at the ceiling.

“‘m awake…” He flinched at the sound of a crash nearby. Another bellow sounded, followed by even more destruction. It was only when he heard his partner curse, voice laced with pain, that he sprung into action. Good thing he did, because it wasn’t Three the bull was after- it was Mario. He rolled out of the way just in time to see his resting place be trampled as she pursued his best friend. 

“Four!” Three ran up to him, helping him to his feet. He looked a little scuffed up, but otherwise unharmed. In his hands was one of his signature bombs. “Let’s blow this place.”

Devilish grins adorned both of their faces as a plan formed, communicated through their guardian connection or possibly just their bond. Four ran over to Mario, whose luck was wearing thin. He grabbed him by the arm and pulled the both of them back towards Three. “NOW!”

With a hiss, the bomb went sailing over their heads. The minotaur stopped pursuing them to catch what she assumed was another rock in a single hand. She stared down at it with an unreadable expression. “Oh.”

With a resounding boom their attacker was thrown back, skidding across the floor. In a testament to her strength, she didn’t seem dead, but she certainly wasn’t conscious anymore. Four grinned, punching Three in the shoulder. “Nice throw!”

“What, were you doubting me?”

“Not even for a second.”

“AY!” Mario screeched, making them both jump. “Stop being gay and run already! More assassins are gonna come for Mario!”

Four was thrown off, not by being called gay but by Mario being the smart one. “You’re right. Let’s go upstairs, maybe we can barricade the way up.”

The trio ran off again, getting their cardio in while being hunted down by a bunch of assassins. Four knew they would’ve likely heard all the ruckus and come to investigate, so they needed to be quick. They rushed up the stairs, taking two at a time. The upsides to this place being abandoned was that there was tons of equipment laying around, free for the taking. They shoved it in front of and down the stairs, making a painfully loud racket. But even if every assassin knew where they were now, they would have a hell of a time trying to get past the blockade.

“Alrighty!” Mario gave them a thumbs-up. “You can go back to being gay now.”

“For the last time, I’m bisexual, not gay.” Four corrected, ignoring Three’s sputtering protests. They stopped when he did, oddly enough. Even weirder was the look Three gave him. “What?”

“I, uh- just didn’t know that.” Three looked away, red flush rising in his face.

“What? But you’ve referenced it before, remember?” Four pushed at their guardian connection, bringing up the memory of when Three helped decorate his room. “Wait- you’re not homophobic, right?”

Three’s face became even more red. “I’m literally pan!”

“He’s avoiding the question,” Mario stage-whispered into Four’s ear, making him recoil. “Also, Mario found a thing.” He held up a bone saw, beaming.

“Hell yea!” Three snatched it from his grasp, flaunting it like it was a sword. Mario wailed, launching himself towards the saw in an attempt to retrieve it.

“Be careful!” The sight of a surgical saw brought up painful memories. “It’s dangerous!”

“That’s the point!” Three’s smile dropped when he saw the look on Four’s face. “Geez, you look like you’ve seen a ghos-”

“WATCH OUT!” Mario flattened himself to the floor as a blade soared over his head. All three heads snapped to stare at the ninja from before, balanced on a window. With narrowed eyes, they brandished three more stars.

Four raced towards them, trying to keep their attention on him instead of Mario. It worked, but not without putting him at risk. He barely dodged the first star. The second grazed his cheek, and the third missed him by a mile. A hiss of pain made him realize that it wasn’t him the last one was for.

The bone saw clattered to the floor. A few drops of blood followed suit, dripping from where the star embedded itself in Three’s leg. The glint of metal, stained with blood, sent panic racing through Four. “Three!”

Three cursed under his breath, leaning against the wall. Four steadied him, entirely focused on his injury. It doesn’t look too bad… but still seems deep. This place is filthy, it’ll get infected in no time! Maybe some of the supplies are still good- a scream cut off his thoughts.

Fearing the worst, he snapped back around. Except it wasn’t him who needed to worry- it was the ninja. Mario had chomped onto their arm, and was swinging his head from side to side with impressive speed. After a few moments, complemented by Mario growling like a vicious dog, he let go. The ninja was sent flying out through the window they came in.

“..woah.” Three muttered. “Cool.”

Mario stood proud, hands on his hips. “Nobody hurts Mario’s friends!”

Four concentrated again. “We aren’t as safe as we thought. We should find someplace to hide.”

“On it!” Mario scurried off, disappearing into one of the hallways.

“Damnit Mario!” Four called after him. He turned back to Three, both focused on his wound. “Do you think you can walk?”

Three slid down, back against the wall. “Absolutely not.”

Four slid down next to him. “Is it just the star, or do you not want to be chasing after Mario?”

Three gave him a weird look. “Shouldn’t you be chasing after Mario?”

“Nah, he’ll be alright.” Four sighed, a soft smile coming to his face. “We’ve been through worse together.”

“Right…” Three trailed off. “God, I just want this trial to be over already!”

“We’ll be done soon,” Four reassured him. “And we can finally go back to our normal lives.”

“I can’t believe I let One and Two force me into this shit…” Three groaned, head in hands.

“I get it, you don’t want to be around me any longer than you have to,” Four joked, feigning sadness.

Three quieted at that. “...hanging out with you was the… uh… acceptable part of this, actually.”

Four couldn’t help the goofy smile that plastered onto his face. “Acceptable, huh?”

“Shut up.”

“Nuh uh.”

“Fuck you mean nuh uh-”

“FOUND YOU!”

Both of them jumped at the shout- well, they would’ve, if their bodies cooperated. Instead, they were frozen in their place as the upstairs barrier burst apart. A woman strolled forward, a rune glowing in front of her palm and a smug smile on her face. “Thought you could hide from-” Her smile dropped. “Where’s the red one?”

“Uh-” Four realized that he could talk, despite the rest of his body being frozen by what he assumed was her magic. “Who?”

“Don’t play dumb with me!” She snapped, holding the rune up to face them. “Where. Is. He!”

“We don’t know!” Three returned her fury. “He ran off like an idiot. Happy now?”

“That’s a lot of attitude for someone about to die.” The witch took a knee, now at eye-level. “Besides, leaving your charge alone? You’d have to be a complete dumbass to do that.”

Three’s confidence was quickly wilting. It only got worse when she noticed his wound. “Ah, I see.” With an air of disdain, she tugged the shuriken right out of his leg. Three yelped, and Four glowered at her. Once I get out of this, I swear-!

“Oh relax.” The rune changed shape, glowing pale green. A burst of light blinded them both. By the time they could see again, the witch was on her feet again. She backed up a couple steps. “Now, tell-”

“You healed me?” Three interrupted, staring down at his leg. Sure enough, the wound was gone, though the blood remained. Four realized his injuries had vanished as well.

“Of course!” She grinned at them, all teeth. “I couldn’t have you dying of blood loss before I got to interrogate you.” She tossed the bloodied shuriken aside. “Now, tell me, where is Mario?”

Dying of blood loss? From that? It was clear she didn’t know jack about wounds. Then again, straightforward combat obviously wasn’t her style. Four’s glower wavered, not sure if he should still be pissed. “He really did run off. He could be anywhere by now.”

“I know you’re lying.” They weren’t. “But if you insist on protecting him, then I’ll have to make sure you don’t interfere!” With a flick of the wrist, the rune changed again and started to glow an angry red. Four tried to struggle, but couldn’t move an inch. Three’s breathing grew heavy. “Prepare to-!”

“TIMES UP!” One and Two hurtled up the stairs in twin blurs of blue and yellow. “The challenge is over!”

“The fuck?” The witch’s head swiveled between the two guardian pairs.

“Ah, yes,” One addressed her concerns, “We no longer want you to assassinate Mario. You may go.”

“I- but- huh-” She threw her hands up, dispelling the rune. “Whatever!” Within seconds she was gone, and her targets were free.

“Oh thank god!” Four let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding.

Two beamed at them. “Congrats! You finished the final trial!”

Four got to his feet, and extended a hand to help Three do the same. He seemed to still be recovering from the fear, but at least his injuries were gone. “Jesus…”

One paused, looking around. “Mario’s still missing,” he noted. “Two?”

“Way ahead of you!” His partner dashed down the hallway.

One gestured to the now unblocked stairs. “You two can go, and get some rest. We’ll handle the avatar.” Three and Four didn’t need to be told twice, already trudging down the stairwell. “Oh, and one last thing- I’m very proud of your performance, and of you two.” With a smile, he followed in Two’s footsteps.

Three and Four descended to the first floor, exhaustion weighing on them. Despite this, Four felt a warmth grow in his chest. I hope One and Two stick around a little longer… hopefully without any danger, this time. His gaze drifted over to Three, the pair of them silent as they made their way down the corridors. We could’ve died today… unless One and Two were watching out for us? Still, if there was a slip-up, or one of the assassins got a lucky shot… Four stewed in his own thoughts, turning his eyes to the ground. It shifted from tile to concrete to pavement, all in what felt like a second. This whole day felt like a fever dream… this whole week did! At least it’s over now… for some reason, he wasn’t as happy as he thought he would be. 

The road crunched under his feet, pavement having been replaced with dirt and leaves. How long have we been walking? How close are we to the showgrounds? To home? He was drifting along, barely connected to the world.

“Four?” Three’s voice roused him from his daze. “What’s wrong?”

He struggled to find the words. “I… I think that… I just…” He trailed off, eyes still glued to the floor.

“Hey, dude. Look at me.” A gloved hand cupped his cheek, forcing him to meet Three’s eyes. Four just stared, making his face flush red. “You… uh… had some blood on you. Didn’t want the others to get all riled up…” He was clearly embarrassed, but didn’t pull his hand away. The feeling was grounding.

“Three?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you.”

Three stilled, going over the words in his mind. “...what?”

“I love you.” Four’s rationality decided to finally return, just in time to see him blurt out the sentence that could destroy their friendship. “I mean- I have for a while, probably, but didn’t realize it until recently. And I get it if you think this is weird and if you want you can ignore it and we can pretend this never happened but I just thought you should know-”

Three kissed him.

Three kissed- holy shit! In almost a second his partner had pulled back, but it was enough to shut him up. He was frozen, watching Three’s face color even further. He waited with baited breath until Four finally found the will to speak. “Does this mean… you love me back?”

Three broke, doubling over as he laughed. “Take a wild guess, dumbass!”

“You love me.” A goofy grin broke out on Four’s face, wider than he thought was possible. “You love me!” He wrapped his arms around Three, pulling him flush against his chest.

“Of course I do.” Three returned the hug, pressing his own grin against Four’s shoulder. “I thought I made that obvious.”

“Shut up and kiss me already.” 

And they did. They kissed and laughed and talked all the way back to the showgrounds, full of nothing but affection. Side by side, where they were always meant to be.