Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It’s a big enough task for Yelena to ask you, an ex-widow, to housesit the Avengers tower for a week while she and the other “New Avengers” are off on a mission overseas. But, when she tells you that an unstable man with unimaginable power who turned almost all of New York City into a black hole will also be there, you start to panic.

“He is absolutely harmless, I promise. What happened in New York was just…a little mishap.” Yelena cooly says over the phone.

“A little mishap? He committed terrorism, Lena. TERRORISM. Would you say that all terrorists just just made a little WHOOPSIE?” You exclaim, the pitch in your voice steadily rising with each word.

“Pssh, he didn’t even kill anyone.” Yelena replies.

Your eyes widen and you scoff incredulously. “Oh, well I guess all is well because no one died! Not to worry about the careless destruction of buildings or completely breaking federal law all because of a mental breakdown!” You shout sarcastically.

“Listen, Kisa, I promise you he is not dangerous. He won’t bother you at all, I swear.”

You sigh into the phone. You hated when she called you Kisa, a Russian pet name essentially calling you “kitten” that she gave you long ago. She said you reminded her of a cat because you were menacing, intense and mysterious on the outside with a secret soft side. You never understood the comparison.

Why of all people Yelena would trust you to guard the Avengers tower anyway? You’d retired from being an assassin long ago, enjoying your life as a semi-normal person with oddly good reflexes. The only reason you were considering taking up Lena’s offer was the hefty paycheck you were promised when you’re finished. Looking around your tiny, dingy Manhattan apartment (more of a glorified closet really), it’s clear you could use the money. But no amount of money could make you want to spend a week in a tower with an unstable mystery man powerful enough to turn New York City into rubble.

“How am I supposed to know he won’t have another mental breakdown and turn me into dust?” You ask sternly.

“Bob is very mentally stable now. We’ve even found him a therapist and everything. I cannot guarantee your safety of course, but the tower is equipped with state-of-the-art defense mechanisms.” Yelena says.

You squint and furrow your brows. “Then why do you even need me to go there?”

“Because it’s always good to have a backup plan, or whatever. It’s an easy paycheck, Y/N! I’m doing you a favor, so don’t worry so much, ok?“ Yelena says impatiently. “Look, we have to leave tomorrow and you are our last hope. Just come over in the morning and I’ll introduce you to Bob and you will see that he is a good guy who will never commit terrorism again!”

“You always had such a way with words, Lena.” You say as you massage your temples and take a moment to mull things over. Sure, the widow has always been a loose cannon and an absolute maniac, but she has never been a liar. If she thinks this Bob guy is really harmless, chances are he probably is.

“Fine, I’ll do it-“

“GREAT!” Yelena exclaims with unbridled joy.

“BUT!” you quickly interject, “only under one condition.”

Yelena sighs. “Ok, what do you want?”

You smirk and cross your arms. “I want double what you were going to pay me.”

“WHAT?” Yelena exclaimed.

“Housesitting is one job enough, but babysitting is going to be an up-charge. Especially when the baby is a grown man and a felon.”

As Yelena was about to retaliate, she pauses and chuckles. “You drive a hard bargain, Kisa. You’ve got yourself a deal.”

-

The next day you arrive to the top floor of the Avengers tower with a duffle bag. Yelena and Bucky are waiting for you when you step off the elevator. You look around and admire the grandeur of the room around you. It was a definite upgrade from your living space, although a yard shack would probably have more square footage than your apartment. You let out an impressed whistle. “I could get used to this.” You mutter.

“Glad to see you made it.” The super-soldier says. He takes a step towards you and extends an arm out. “My name is Bucky-“

“I know who you are former congressman Barnes,” you say matter-of-factly, shaking his hand with a smirk on your face.

Bucky’s eyes widened, nevertheless returning your firm handshake.

“This is Y/N,” Yelena says to Bucky, “And yes, she is always this direct.”

“Well, it’s good to know the tower is in the capable hands of someone Yelena trusts,” Bucky says, giving Yelena a hard stare. He looks back at you with that same serious look. “Thank you for agreeing to do this. It may not seem like an important job to you, but we really appreciate it, no matter how expensive your services may be.”

“I see Lena has informed you of my request,” You tilt your head towards the widow standing next to the super-soldier. She gives you a tight-lipped smile while holding up a not-so-nice finger at you. “I hope you can understand my reasoning given the recent events involving your…house guest.”

Just then you hear the sound of a plate breaking. Bucky and Yelena turn their heads back towards a lanky brunette standing in the kitchen with a terrified look on his face.

“Uh…sorry, I was just doing the dishes and…I guess I dropped something. Totally my bad.” the brunette apologized with his hands held up meekly like a scared puppy.

Yelena turns back to you. “Speaking of, Y/N, this is Bob. Come over here, Bob.”

You watch the unknown man walk over to you with pure confusion on your face. This was supposed to be the Void? The man in front of you has long, tousled locks of brown hair draped over his face like protective curtains. He has an oversized navy t-shirt on with equally baggy striped pajama pants that made him look helplessly small even though he stood taller than Bucky. He has these giant brown terribly sad eyes that remind you of a victorian child. You had seen him on the news completely covered in black, but you would have never in a million years have guessed this is what he looked like normally. He looks at you and gives you a half-smile and a pathetic little wave.

“Uh, hi. I’m Bob. But I guess she just said that, so there was no need for me to repeat my name, but I just did anyways,” he says laughing nervously.

You give him a deadpan stare. He looks harmless enough, but you still have your reservations. After all, this man is supposedly an all-powerful science experiment with unregulated emotions. He’s a disaster waiting to happen. You won’t take any chances.

Bob drops his smile and clears his throat while looking down at his feet.

“I uh, think I’m gonna start packing the car. Nice to meet you, Y/N.” Bucky gives you a nod and swiftly walks towards the elevator.

“Anyways,” Yelena starts, “both of you will be the only ones allowed on this floor of the tower while the rest of us are gone. All security measures should be up and running, but if anything comes up or goes wrong while we’re gone, just give me a call. If I don’t answer, I should call you back as soon as I’m not busy. If I don’t, I’m probably dead.”

Bob exhales through his nose and smiles awkwardly. Then, his smile drops slowly, as if he had registered what Yelena said.

“Wait, what?” Bob says.

“You can take my room for the time being Y/N, but if I come back and find that you’ve made a mess, I will kill you. Got it?” Yelena points a finger at you.

You give her a two-finger salute. “Aye aye captain.” You asserted.

Yelena’s phone buzzes several times in her pocket. “I should get going. Be on your best behavior, ok Bob?” She says giving the brunette a small yet sincere smile. He looks up and gives her a little nod.

“Do svidaniya (goodbye), Kisa.” Yelena says to you with a wink as she jogs towards the elevator.

After she left, you and Bob were left standing silently.

Bob looks at you shifting nervously, as if he wanted to say something.

“So…how long have you known Yel-“

“I’m gonna go to my room now.” You declared, immediately walking away from the liability. This was going to be a long week.

Chapter Text

After that incredibly awkward interaction with your housemate for the next week, you head down the hall to find Yelena’s room. At first, you didn’t know which one it was until you saw a sticky note on one of the last doors down with “mi casa su casa” scribbled. Opening the door, you were taken a bit aback.

The left wall had floor-to-ceiling windows overlooking Manhattan. In the center of the room, there was a king-sized mattress on a floating pedestal with matching floating bedside tables made of concrete on either side. You walk over to touch the sheets, which were sure to be made of pure Egyptian cotton as they were the softest thing you have ever felt. I guess you didn’t know what to expect of an Avenger’s bedroom, but this was absolute luxury.

However, it wouldn’t be Yelena’s room without shelves upon shelves of colorful, miscellaneous knick-knacks. You drop your duffle bag and walk over to pick up one framed photo in particular, which was of Yelena’s soccer team, the Thunderbolts, and the “Red Guardian,” who you knew as Alexei. You smiled softly at one of the few good memories of Yelena’s childhood. God knows the life of a widow was a tragic one, one you knew all too well. Before your mind began to wander into the dark recesses of your mind, where all of the traumatic memories of the Red Room were locked away, you put the photo down.

Walking over to the left bedside table, you notice a small remote. You pick it up and push a random button, hearing a whirring sound coming from the window wall. Roller shades start to come down from the ceiling and gradually cover the entire wall. You never wanted to leave this place. You got up pretty early this morning to make sure you arrived at the tower on time, so you were exhausted. You flopped onto the bed and immediately fell into a deep sleep.

What felt like a couple of hours went by of peaceful slumber until you were awoken by your stomach growling ferociously. I guess you forgot to eat breakfast this morning. With the amount of money that went into this place, you couldn’t imagine what kind of food they had in the kitchen.

After quickly freshening up in the incredibly spacious bathroom and changing into some grey sweats and an oversized tee, you walk out to see if you can find something to eat. As you walk down the hallway, the smell of something really good invades your senses. It smelled warm, sugary, and buttery, like fresh pancakes. You swore you almost started floating towards it like a cartoon. You were starving.

Just then, as you finally reached the kitchen, you stop dead in your tracks as you remember who else is occupying the space with you.

Bob is turned towards the stove, flipping hotcakes in a pan. He’s wearing the same outfit from earlier, but now with a white apron on. He turns around, hands completely covered in pancake batter. Bob looks up and flinches when he sees you, almost knocking the bowl of batter over the counter.

“Oh, hey! Um, sorry, I didn’t see you there.” He says, his voice cracking slightly with a nervous smile on his face. His eyes dart around frantically, and he smooths out his hair with one hand, accidentally smearing batter into his dark locks.

You walked forward a bit and pointed to his hair. “You’ve got something there.”

“Wha-?” He said while patting his scalp. He eventually felt the squish of the batter in his hair, and he audibly groaned.

He quickly turned on the faucet, rinsed his hands, and tried to wet his hair to get the remaining batter out.

“I tend to get a bit messy when I cook,” he said with one of his dorky half smiles. You just gave him a flat smile and a nod.

He looked down at his mess and inhaled sharply while widening his eyes.

“Oh! Yeah, so I was just making some pancakes, and I made enough for both of us if you’d like some. I wasn’t sure if you had breakfast or not.” He started fidgeting with his hands and shrank a bit. “I, um, also didn’t know if you were ever going to come out of your room. Which is FINE, by the way, you don’t have to watch me or anything. Yelena made that pretty clear. But I was going to leave some out on the counter for you whenever you wanted to eat. But, of course I understand if you want to make your own food, you aren’t obligated to eat mine-”

He kept rambling on, and all you did was stand there and think to yourself, “Man, this guy doesn’t stop talking, does he?” You will admit, it was pretty nice of him to make you food. Especially your favorite breakfast food, even though it was technically lunch at this point. But you weren’t planning on becoming buddies with this guy. You just wanted to do your job and get your paycheck. But the smell of those pancakes was absolutely tantalizing. But, if you eat these pancakes, there’s a chance he’ll see it as an acceptance of a peace offering, and he’ll try to talk to you more, which you didn’t want. You decide to put him out of his misery and interrupt him.

“Thanks for the offer, but I think I’m just gonna make something else for myself.”

Bob looked a bit defeated. You swore his lips quivered slightly like he was going to pout. He put his head down a bit, and that little excited look in his eye was gone as quickly as it came.

“No, yeah, that makes sense, for sure. I wasn’t trying to, like, invade your space or anything. My bad. I’ll, uh, just get out of your way then.”

He unties the back of his apron and takes it off over his head. He stands there for a second and holds the apron out to you.
“Uh, do you think you’ll need this?” he says lowly and quietly, like he didn’t want to mess this up even further.

“Uh, probably not. Thanks.”

“For sure, for sure…” He places the apron down on the counter. “I’ll just clean up my mess after you’re done. Sorry, bye.” He scurries away with his hands in his pockets and his head hanging low.

You honestly felt kind of bad. Bob clearly just wanted to do something nice for you since you and him would be sharing a space for a while, and you dismissed him entirely twice. You didn’t plan on hurting his feelings or anything, but you were honestly still unsure of how to navigate this unusual situation. Maybe you’d apologize to him later, but for now, you rummage through the pantry and the fridge trying to find something to make.

You weren’t the world’s greatest cook. You’d only started to very recently out of necessity and you will admit that you’ve almost burned down your tiny kitchen a couple of times trying to make scrambled eggs. You looked over at the abandoned stack of pancakes Bob had made for you, and realize he made a strawberry puree and sprinkled powdered sugar on the top. He really did work on these for a while. Now you felt like even more of an asshole.

Honestly, whatever you were about to try to make probably wouldn’t taste half as good as those pancakes, so you swallow your pride and decide to just take them to your room. You’ll deal with the consequences later.

Bob walked back into the kitchen a couple hours later when he found your stack of pancakes gone and all of the dirty dishes in the dishwasher. The only thing left was a sticky note that read “the pancakes were really good, sorry for being an asshat.”

Bob cracked a smile.

Chapter Text

It was only day two of the job, and you realized you hadn’t explored much of the tower at all. I mean, you essentially had full access to the base of one of the most powerful fighting groups in the world, and here you were just lounging in a side chair in Yelena’s bedroom.

Granted, you were afraid to step outside the room and confront Bob after eating the pancakes he had made you the day prior. You knew you eventually had to talk to him. You’d stopped thinking you could just ignore him completely for the rest of the week. Your extreme social anxiety, combined with your discomfort around this stranger, made it hard for you to envision sparking up a casual conversation with him. You had to admit, though, his dorky demeanor and surprisingly amazing cooking skills were kind of…cute?

You snapped out of it. Why are you thinking about him so much? You needed a distraction badly. You get up and decide you are going to try to find somewhere to work out. This is the Avengers tower, there’s sure to be a state-of-the-art training facility somewhere you could take advantage of. You get changed into a sports bra, biker shorts, and some trainers, putting your hair up into a tight ponytail.

You look into the mirror in the bathroom before leaving the room. Scanning yourself, you see your collection of scars scattered along your limbs from your time as a widow. You’d made peace with how they looked on your body, but not with the memories they brought up. They were a harsh reminder of your past and all of the people you hurt. It was hard accepting this reality, one where you’ve done more harm than good. But you promised yourself you would keep getting up every day and try to move on and create a life of your own. Yelena had helped you every step of the way, and you were forever grateful for her kindness and friendship, no matter how annoying she may be.

You take one final look at yourself and head out to the bedroom door. As soon as you turn the handle and step into the hallway, another door opens directly across from you. You and Bob stand there stunned for a moment. He’s looking you in the eyes with that signature wide-eyed look. His hair is in a bit of a disarray, like he had just rolled out of bed. He was wearing a dark blue robe, a black t-shirt, grey sweatpants, and black house slippers. He’s always in loungewear, it seems. As you look back up at his face, you notice he’s looking down at your outfit. He swallows hard, Adam’s apple bobbing.

Oh. You realized what you were wearing, specifically how much more skin you were showing compared to yesterday’s outfit. Was he…checking you out?

He cleared his throat and brought his eyes back up to your face, blinking profusely.

“Uhh, hi, good morning!” He said, his voice groggy. He definitely just got up.

“It’s 1 pm, so more like good afternoon.” You quip.

He chuckles softly, his face brightening.
“Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

You give him a soft, sincere smile back. You noticed how crinkly his face becomes when he smiles, sprouting little crows' feet on either side of his eyes.

You realize you’ve been staring at him for a weirdly long time, both of you still standing in the doorways of your rooms. He breaks the silence first.

“I’m sorry, I forgot to mention that my room is across from Yelena’s. I didn’t, like, randomly choose the one room that was directly in front of yours.” He reassures you. “If you need me to sleep on the couch, though, I would totally understand…”

He’s trying so hard not to upset you. With the attitude you gave him upon first impression, he probably assumed you wanted absolutely nothing to do with him.

“Don’t worry, I believe you.” You say softly. You take a small breath, close the door behind you, and step into the hall.

“I, um, wanted to talk to you actually, if you have a second.” You remark, holding your hands together in front of you and biting your bottom lip.

Bob furrows his eyebrows and closes his door, carefully taking a single step into the hallway. He starts fidgeting with the hem of his sweatshirt.

“What’s up?” He asks warily.

“I just wanted to say I was sorry for the way I acted yesterday. I didn’t mean to come off bratty, I’m just not a people person, you know?” You explain. “Also, Yelena didn’t mention you were going to be here until the very last minute, so it was just unexpected.”

Bob started nodding his head frantically. He put his hands on his chest.

“Of course, I completely understand! You’re so valid for how you feel, I wouldn’t know how to act around someone like me either in this situation.”

You give him a small smile. Then, you grab your arm and cross your foot in front of the other.

“I, um, also wanted to say thank you for the pancakes yesterday. They were, like, really good.” You say while looking at his face through your lashes.

Bob’s eyes light up, face crinkling into that dorky smile. You decided you liked him better when he was smiling.

“Oh, really? I’m glad you liked them!” He scratches his neck slightly. “I’ve had a lot of time to practice my cooking skills in the tower, since I can’t really leave.”

“Well, your practice is paying off. If I’m being honest, the smell of those pancakes almost made me start levitating.”

He laughs. His laugh wasn’t what you were expecting, high-pitched and bubbly, almost like a giggle. It caught you off guard, given his usually deep voice. It made you give a small giggle, like a schoolgirl. What was this guy doing to you? Was his superpower to make you melt?

You both stop laughing, and he asks, “So, are you going to go work out?”

You had almost completely forgotten the whole point of leaving your room today.

“Oh! Yeah, I was. Um…do you happen to know where the gym is, by the way?” You ask, slightly embarrassed by the question, as you were wearing a full set of workout attire while not even knowing if there was a gym in the building.

“Yeah, I do, actually…uh, do you want me to take you?” He asks sheepishly.

“Sure! That would be great, thanks.” You respond cheerily.

“Well, uh, follow me!” He gestures for you to come with him down the hall.

You both start walking across the tower, passing by a multitude of different rooms, like what looked to be a game room, a media room, and even a gigantic wine cellar. This place was unimaginably large, not seeming so from the outside. As you quietly walked beside Bob, you glanced over at him to find him already looking at you. He quickly snapped his head forward. He was still so anxious around you, maybe confused by the whiplash of your behavior change from yesterday to today. You didn’t blame him. You wanted to ease the tension a bit and decided to spark up some conversation.

“So, what’s it like living here in the tower? It must be crazy to have so many rooms, you must have gotten lost at first.” You remark.

Bob turns to you and visibly relaxes a bit at your question.

“Oh, yeah, I used to get lost a lot. I’d sometimes have to call Yelena or Bucky on the phone to help me figure out where I was and how to get back to my room. But it was honestly an adjustment for everyone else at first too, none of them had ever lived in a place this large before, let alone with 5 other people.”

“I can imagine, I could barely handle being in the same quarters as Yelena on missions sometimes.” You say.
“Oh yeah, you’re a black widow like Yelena, right?” He asks innocently.

Your face drops at the mention of your previous life, not meaning to start a conversation about your very traumatic past.

“Uh, yeah, I was. Not anymore.” You murmur.

Bob seems to notice the change in your demeanor and stops in his tracks.

“Oh, you probably don’t want to talk about that. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to pry!” He says quickly.

“It’s okay, it was going to come up at some point. I just tend not to talk a lot about that part of my life anymore.” You say, rubbing your arm.

“I completely understand.” He says, looking at you with those big, brown, sentimental eyes.

When he looked at you, it was like he was staring right into your soul. It wasn’t intimidating as much as it was comforting, knowing that he genuinely means what he says and cares. It was refreshing compared to the way most people tend to look at you, either with fear or animosity. Oh, god, you’d only had a couple of conversations, and he’s already wormed his way into your good graces. It didn’t help that he looked unbelievably cuddly in his robe and slippers, like a big teddy bear. And now, you were staring again, and Bob was looking at you with worry.

“So, are we almost there?” You utter, trying not to make it obvious that you were sizing him up just now.

“Oh, we’re already here.” He remarks, pointing to a glass door with a plaque that says “Training Room” on it.

“Oh great!” You exclaim. How had you not noticed that?

“Well, if you need help getting back, I think Yelena sent you my number if you need to get a hold of me. I’ll be around.” He said, giving you a warm smile.

“Thank you, I’ll probably need your help getting back. This place is pretty confusing.” You jest.

“No worries. Um, have a good pump, I guess?” He chimed, giving you a thumbs up.

You snort and shake your head, opening the door into the training room.

What you didn’t see was Bob walking away absolutely humiliated, cursing himself internally for telling you to have a “good pump.”

Chapter Text

You spend your entire workout trying not to think about Bob. You didn’t understand why you were so drawn to him. Why did you so badly want to talk to him more? You had unfortunately shut down the small conversation you started earlier on the walk over here, but you didn’t know him quite well enough to dive into the “widow” topic.

But you wanted to know more about him. You only knew the basics of what was covered on the news: he turned into a black, flying figure that evaporated a bunch of people out of existence and suddenly brought them all back. Maybe you’d ask him how that happened and figure out why Yelena and the others seem to trust and care about him enough to have him stay with them in the tower.

Ugh, you’re thinking about him again. You need to get a grip.

As expected, the Avengers’ training facility had more than enough to offer in terms of equipment, and you got a pretty good workout in. Sweaty, tired, and out of breath, you walk out of the gym and quickly realize you need to call Bob to help you get back to your room.

You open your messages with Yelena and scroll back to find Bob’s contact card. He was listed as “Lil’ Bob” with the 8-ball emoji beside it. Classic Yelena. You tapped the call button and brought your phone to your ear. It rang twice before he picked up.

“I’m assuming you need help getting back?” He answers casually, like he was trying too hard to be nonchalant.

“Ding ding, you’ve got it.” You say sarcastically. “Seriously, though, please help.”

“I’m on my way.”

-

As you walk beside Bob, you realize he’s changed clothes. He was now wearing a navy blue sweater with corduroy pants and, to your surprise, some casual shoes. His hair was also styled back so you could see more of his face. You were close enough that you could smell his shampoo, with notes of vanilla and shea butter. A small part of you wanted to run your hand through his hair because it looked so soft. Honestly, he was just all around soft and delicate, not only physically.

You couldn’t believe that in the span of a few days, you would go from trying to avoid this man entirely to him occupying your every waking thought. You tried telling yourself it wasn’t attraction, you were just probably very lonely, and this happened to be the first man to give you attention in a long time. It was very ironic that the man in question had committed many crimes and was probably deeply mentally ill. You sure know how to pick ‘em.

Bob interrupts your rambling thoughts.
“I think maybe I should make a map of this place for visitors. Like a pamphlet, or something,” he comments, looking around the seemingly endless array of hallways and doors.

“A pamphlet? That thing would have to be at least 6 feet long,” You scoff.

Bob’s eyes crinkle in that way you like, looking over at you.

“You might be right. I don’t mind being the official Avengers tower navigator, though, it gives me something to do instead of washing the dishes and sitting around reading.”

“Is that really all you do around here?” You ask.

“Essentially. I’m not exactly invited on missions because of...uh…” He trails off, clenching his jaw and looking away from you.

The Void. The final key to solving this mystery man was learning about what happened to him when he became the Void. But you knew you shouldn’t push him. Besides, who knows what could happen if you try to bring it up and it doesn’t go well. You could risk awakening that part of him again. You go a bit rigid at that thought.

“Yeah, I heard about that. It’s…ok if you don’t want to talk about it,” you say, trying not to upset him to the best of your ability.

Bob keeps looking at the floor, brows furrowed. He bit his lip, like he was deciding on how to respond.

“You, uh, probably want to know more about what happened that day that I, sort of, became a not-so-good guy. I don’t blame you, it’s a pretty important thing you should know about.” He stops and turns, inhaling and raising his head to meet your eyes. “Do you like fettuccine alfredo?”

You look at him blankly.

“...Yeah?” You respond, puzzled.

“What if I made some tonight, and I can tell you the full story at dinner?”

Was he asking you…on a dinner date? No, don’t be ridiculous, he was probably just continuing to be nice to you and trying to be courteous. You had to admit, you were on board as soon as he said he was going to cook based on the last meal he made. Besides, it’s essentially a free dinner and a proper explanation of what you’ve been dying to know this whole time.

“Okay, sure,” You respond.

“Great! Do you want to meet me in the kitchen around 7 pm?” He asks politely.

“It’s a date!”

Oh my god. Why did you say that? Why was that the first thing to come out of your mouth?

Bob’s eyes widened, and his eyebrows raised slightly, clearly caught by surprise by what you had just blurted out.

You swallow hard and try to play it off.

“I’m, uh, gonna go take a shower now. I’m pretty stinky from the workout. Ok, bye.”

You shuffle away quickly down the hall towards your bedroom before you can see Bob’s reaction to whatever your stupid ass just said.

-

You’re in the shower, trying not to think about the strange things that came out of your mouth earlier, when you hear your phone ringing.

You shut off the water, open the shower door, and wrap your towel around yourself. Stepping out of the shower, you pick up your phone and see that Yelena was calling you. Great timing, you thought to yourself. You hit the answer button and bring your phone up to your wet ear.

“Hey!”

“Allo Kisaaa, how’ve you been?” Yelena purrs.

You try to decide how you want to answer that question. You could be honest and say you and Bob have been dancing around each other awkwardly for the past few days while you await the Avengers’ return anxiously. You opt for a different approach, though.

“I’m fine.” You say flatly.

“Just fine, eh? Not enjoying your premium accommodations for the week?” Yelena asks, sarcasm lacing her voice.

“Your room has been…very accommodating. Thank you.” You admit, mumbling towards the end.

Yelena snorts and laughs lowly on the other side of the line. “I knew you would love it. But remember, if I come back and find anything out of place, it’s your funeral.”

“I’m well aware of that.” You say flatly. “Is everything ok with you guys? How’s the mission going?”

“Mission is…going well…” She begins before being interrupted by several screaming male voices, two of which you recognize as Bucky and John Walker. You hear Bucky yell something like DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT YOU’RE DOING WALKER, and then John yells something like YEAH I DO F*CKFACE WILL YOU JUST LISTEN TO ME?

“HEY! CAN’T YOU IDIOTS SEE I'M ON THE PHONE?” Yelena yells back. Silence from the other line.

“What was I saying? Oh yes, the mission is going great! Don’t worry about us.” Yelena asserts calmly.

You loved how she had the power to immediately silence some of the most powerful men in the world.

“That’s great, Lena.” You say with a small smile.

“...sooo, how are things with Bob?” She says. You could almost see the stupid smirk on her face as she said it.

How would you answer that question? ‘Oh, things are just peachy! Bob and I awkwardly stumble around each other like scared puppies, and I think maybe he makes me so nervous, not because of the whole almost destroying New York thing, but maybe because I think he’s kinda cute? And to make things worse, he’s making me dinner tonight, and I feel like I’m going on a first date, and I want to throw up violently at the thought of it because I haven’t felt actual feelings like this for someone maybe ever!’

“Things are fine. We get along.” You say instead.

A small pause on the other end of the line. “Really? No problems whatsoever?” Yelena asks in disbelief.

“Nope. Everything is fine.” You say, lying through your teeth. The last thing you want is to stress Yelena out further with your stupid Bob problems. “Anyways, you’re probably super busy with superhero stuff and I’m standing here shivering wet like a dog from the shower I got out of to take this call, so I’ll let you go.”

“Wait, are you sure everything is ok? I have more time to talk-”

“Call you soon, ok? Bye!”

You hit the red button on your phone screen and scurry into the bedroom to figure out what you should wear to a casual dinner where your date explains how he became an enemy of the state.