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“A ‘love letter’ ?” Sua questioned over Mizi’s shoulder, watching her as she scribbled down some words in one of her pink, sparkly notebooks. Mizi nodded happily.
Trends like these in Anakt Garden were common occurrences– trends that involved mimicking old, endearing human rituals from when they lived on Earth.
One that was recent involved creating bouquets.
___
The variety of flowers that were given out often depended on how lenient and generous a person’s guardian was.
Kids who came from generous guardians would show up a few weeks later with full, vibrant-coloured flowers and bouquets to give to their loved ones, however the kids who came from less-kindhearted guardians got crafty.
Sua remembers catching a glance of Till while on her way to the library during leisure time.
He was in a dim-lit empty classroom covered in colourful pastel smudges from his hands to his face, vigorously colouring something.
Till took up two desk spaces with paper, boxes of pastels, glue, scissors, and other various craft items that Sua wasn’t table to identify in the little time it took her to pass by the room.
The next day, at the same time as the day prior, Sua made her way to Mizi in the Earth room. She was able to reach behind a tree before catching the scene of Till and Mizi speaking, though she was too far away from them to actually hear anything.
Sua watched Till– all red in the face and spitting out his words– shakily offer Mizi a paper, hand-crafted bouquet.
The detail on his craft was wondrous.
The pastel-coloured petals ranged from a light pink to a periwinkle colour– each with carefully-coloured gradient which got lighter as it approached the middle of the flower.
Spikey-cut leaves outlined the perimeter of the bouquet. The stem of each flower was rolled up paper, twisted at the end, and seemed to be dyed with watercolour paint.
Thoroughly coloured in, thoroughly glued together, thoroughly done,
and made Sua thoroughly sick to her stomach.
Mizi’s eyes lit up with awe while taking the bouquet in her hands. She mouthed a few words at him, which Sua couldn’t hear, but she imagined they were words of flattery based off of Till’s reaction.
Mizi hugged him tight, and hot blush rose from his pale neck to his face as he looked off to the side trying to hide his embarrassment. It didn’t work, and quite frankly never does.
Till’s ability to hide his feelings is like trying to play hide-and-seek in a room full of glass.
It was a miracle Mizi hadn’t noticed Till’s feelings– which upset Sua inexplicably more than she knew it should have.
After witnessing the scene, Sua ran off.
Mizi found her around ten minutes later in front of the river stream leaning on a tree with her knees tucked to her chest, pouting and looking off to the side. She skipped up to Sua with the bouquet in her hands, all chipper and gleamy.
Mizi went on about how kind Till was, how beautiful the bouquet was, how she didn’t know what to give him in return…
Blah blah blah. It went in one ear and out the other for Sua. She was too busy being upset, and the next thing she knew, hot tears formed on her lash line.
Mizi paused, frowned, and then asked what was wrong.
Sua wish she had comprehensible words to tell her– though she, herself didn’t understand what was wrong.
She sucks with feelings.
And although Sua was unresponsive and looked off to the side and grumbly, Mizi decided to stay and settled beside her. She plopped onto the synthetic grass, leaned her head on Sua’s shoulder, and accepted her silence.
Sua never knew why Mizi never questioned her in times like this, but she liked her more than enough to keep her around.
After a few minutes, Mizi whispered Sua’s name and reached into her gown-pocket. She pulled out a single purple flower and tucked it into Sua’s hand. Apparently Mizi had begged Shine to let her grow some real flowers to give out to her friends, but ultimately Shine only allowed her to grow one.
So she grew the one for Sua.
Mizi went on about how it reminded her of her eyes, and how she was sorry if it was too little.
Sua could feel her face and chest getting all warm, and completely forgot about being upset.
She melted under Mizi’s gaze and thanked her for the flower.
“You’re smiling now!” Mizi giggled, before tackling her into the grass.
The next day, at the same damn time as the day prior, Sua remembers she caught a glimpse of Ivan walking her way from a very far distance.
She wish she hadn’t because the second she looked up from her book, the idiot saw and waved vigourously at her.
If only the book she used to cover her face could make her invisible.
Ivan approached her while holding a handful of dandelions. She was confused, but didn’t want to strike up a conversation by asking. He spoke a bit too cheerfully for someone talking to a girl who hates him.
He asked what she was reading and how her day was. She gave him her typical three-word answer.
Then he asked if she knew where Till was.
She had seen Till in that same classroom again earlier, and happily told Ivan that information while praying he’d get out of her sight. He thanked her politely, so Sua went back to reading her book thinking their conversation was done.
Apparently she thought wrong.
A minute passed by and he was still standing there, staring lasers at her with his stupid bug eyes.
“What??” Sua urged him to speak.
Ivan shook his head with that same, stupid unfaltering smile, then threw her a dandelion before running off humming.
Sua took the dandelion in her hand and observed it. It was smooshed, warm, and a bit discoloured. In other words– ugly.
She knew why he was looking for Till now.
A couple of minutes later, Ivan found Sua in the same spot again with a ripped notebook page in his hand. He bugged her again and showed her what was drawn on the page. It was a horrendously done drawing of a single flower signed by Till with an angry face next to it– and she knew it couldn’t have been done in more than a minute.
Ivan got up in her personal space and hummed about how happy he was about the drawing, then made a small remark about the angry face Till drew next to his initials and how he was confused on why he did that.
What an idiot. He sucks with feelings.
___
Another more recent trend involved ‘facing lips’ with each other. Later, Sua found the common term for it was “kissing”.
Mizi approached Sua about the matter, and excitedly asked if she wanted to do it.
Sua personally found the ritual to be rather pointless. Why would she wanna touch lips with someone?
… Unless they were Mizi of course.
Sua agreed, and the next thing she knew, they were sitting on the grass away from everyone moments later trying to figure out how they’d go about it.
Mizi rested her hand on Sua’s cheek while figuring out what position her face should be in before smooshing her face against Sua’s. Mizi asked if she was ready– and Sua nodded shyly with her eyes half open.
Mizi tried leaning up to face their lips together, but ended up getting her foot caught on the end of her gown and caused her to miss Sua’s lips. Instead, she managed to graze the corner of Sua’s mouth.
They both blushed, then giggled while holding each other by their shoulders.
But of course, the moment had to be ruined by the bug-eyed idiot.
He strolled up to the pair from who knows where, and asked what they were doing. Mizi explained– much to Sua’s misery– that they were trying to do the thing where they touch lips.
Ivan smiled, thanked Mizi (for reasons unknown to the two girls), then disappeared off into the distance from which he came from.
Mizi told Sua the next day why he thanked her.
Mizi found out that Ivan tried pulling the same exact thing off on Till, to which he rejected by saying it was gross and that maybe Till would let him on his birthday.
Ivan doesn’t have a birthday.
___
Well, moving on– the new trend was writing ‘love letters’.
“When I first heard about it, I kinda thought it was like writing prayers to your loved one!” Mizi explained. Sua hummed in response.
“Or like a poem?” Sua added.
“Or like a poem! I’m not sure what to write yet so I’m just jotting down ideas…” Mizi replied before placing her pencil down on the margins of her notebook.
“It’s dedicated to you.”
“Really?”
“Of course!” Mizi gleamed. “Who else would I pray to?”
Sua’s cheeks tinted pink upon hearing that comment.
“What? I’m not a god, Mizi.” She laughed.
Mizi slid her notebook aside and wrapped her arms around Sua for a hug.
“Meh… close enough.” Mizi whispered while melting under Sua’s arms.
Sua racked her brain around what that could have possibly meant.
___
“Love letter… love letter…”
Sua muttered to herself a few hous later in the library. She had cracked open her Religion and Music subject notebook on a blank page with the dried out purple flower in the margins, and had been staring at it for a solid five minutes. She wanted to write one to Mizi, but had no clue how to.
“Like a prayer…” Sua murmured quietly.
She groaned and plopped her head down on the table. It couldn’t be too hard, right? She’s written many of prayers for Religion and Music class, and this one she’s doing out of her own volition.
She never had the right words for Mizi though.
A figure appeared in her line of sight.
“Hey Sua.”
Oh, she recognized that voice.
Sua closed her eyes and prayed the figure would go away.
“... Ivan.”
Ivan chuckled, and took the seat next to her. He plopped his own face down on the table to face eye-to-eye with her.
“What’s wrong?”
‘You.’ Sua responded in her head as a reflex. Though she didn’t say anything out loud.
“Are you studying or something? Do you need help?” Ivan asked.
“No. I’m just… writing something.”
“Really~?” Ivan cooed. “Is it for Mizi?”
“How’d you–”
“Who else would get you this worked up?”
Sua grumbled. He had a good point.
“Plus, I heard about the love letter thing going around.” Ivan added. “Why are you getting worked up?”
“I don’t know what to put in the letter…” Sua muttered.
“Why? It doesn’t matter.”
Sua got stunned into silence. The nerve of this guy was insane. She felt her chest getting hot with irritance.
“... What?”
“I said it doesn’t matter.” Ivan repeated himself.
Sua leaned her head back up, but Ivan followed shortly behind to keep eye contact. She couldn’t get a second of peace with this guy around.
“She likes you either way, so it really doesn’t matter what you write in the letter.” He remarked.
“That’s not the point you–” Sua bit her tongue. “I just… want to put some extra thought into it. It’s not about writing to get her to like me.”
“Oh.” Ivan drifted into silence, and finally tore eye contact. To Sua, it looked like he was finally forming thoughts.
“... Then what’s the point?”
“To write about love. It’s called a love letter. ”
“Oh. Hm… okay. So why are you having trouble writing? Don’t you love her?”
“I… suck at feelings.”
“No you don’t.”
Sua frowned at his remark, and she could feel her face round a more irritated look. But of course, Ivan took that as a sign to continue speaking.
“She always goes out of her way to see you even when it’s inconvenient, and she prioritizes you out of everyone at Anakt. You both obviously like each other, so you’re good at feelings.” Ivan said bluntly.
Sua softened. Yes, they did like each other.
“... Just because she likes me, doesn’t mean I’m good at feelings.” Her voice broke quietly, and she tore her eyes away from Ivan. Her gaze settled on the flower tucked into the margins of her notebook.
Mizi, who’s so colouful and unapologetic like splattered watercolour; Mizi, who shone so brightly, Sua found it hard to look away.
Mizi, who prayed to Sua.
And Sua, who had trouble expressing herself to Mizi.
Sua, who’s bad at feelings.
Sua, who couldn’t see what divinity Mizi saw in her.
“She’s so radiant and carefree… why does she want to write a prayer to me anyways…” Sua mumbled, almost as it to herself, then let her head down on the table again with a thud.
Sua heard Ivan hum.
“I kinda know another person like that.”
Sua cranked her head to face Ivan’s way with droopy eyes.
“He’s like the blazing stars. So violent. So vicious.” Ivan chuckled before looking up, as if he were imagining the image of stars unfolding above. Sua had never seen that tender look engulf his eyes. So soft and genuine.
“I don’t think he likes me very much though. I’m okay with that though.” He said contently and looked back down, redirecting his gaze back to Sua.
Ah.
Ivan, who loved to annoy his loved ones; Ivan, who’s as hopeless as a dense rock.
Ivan, who’s bad at feelings.
“If Mizi likes you, and you like Mizi, then maybe your bad feelings don’t matter too much to her.”
Ivan glanced up, seemingly at the direction of the library clock, then got up from his chair. He seemed to have a sing-song air to him as he turned his back against her, and Sua wondered what could possibly make him that happy.
“Where are you going?” Sua muttered faintly.
Ivan paused and turned back to her, gleaming.
“To bother my star, of course.”
Ivan gave Sua a little pat on her head before skipping out the library whistling. It felt like a pity pat, and she had to fight the urge not to punch him in his stomach.
Maybe the bug-eyed freak was right though.
If Mizi likes Sua, and Sua likes Mizi, maybe the intention will get to Mizi. Even with sucky words.
Because if Sua is bad at feelings, and Mizi likes Sua…
…
Maybe being bad at feelings doesn't matter.