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In a way, Jorgensen had to admit that the existence of Mobians hadn't quite sunk in yet. Sure, consciously he knew they existed - reports and the news didn't lie (most of the time, anyway) - but he still felt like had eaten the wrong mushrooms and entered Toon Town stepping back into GUN Headquarters.
"You'll only be abroad for three years," Steven had told him over burnt coffee and lackluster pastries. "What's the worst that can happen?
An owl on his desk flirting with an armadillo, that's what. He was going to take a long time to get used to this.
He really did try, really, but the Mobians were so small and it was hard enough balancing the three boxes in his arms. Why did the floor have to be white with bright fluorescent lights? Jorgensen felt himself missing his office in Alansero already, how was he supposed to focus on the bi-yearly world-ending threats with migraines? And then he felt his foot bump into something small, but unyielding. Jorgensen shifted the top box - the one full of his collection of "office-safe" fountain pens - under his arm to get a better view of what, er, who was below him.
"Watch it."
Staring at Jorgensen was a black Mobian, some sort of rodent, he surmised. The little guy was giving him a death glare like he had just punched his mother. That, in itself, wasn't too weird. Assholes existing in every sapient species made sense. What was odd was how everyone around them stood frozen, like the furred tripping hazard was some sort of beast that had just popped out of a black hole. Even the humans looked scared. Ridiculous, the little creature reminded Jorgensen too much of his childhood stuffed toys.
"Or what, Mickey Mouse?" He chuckled. "You gonna squeak at me?"
"Quit laughing, Maribel."
"I'm... I'm trying."
Jorgensen grimaced, shifting his weight from the ice pack under his ass. Fair, he did look ridiculous - the black hedgehog had kicked his legs underneath him and given him a firm reminder that human anatomy still had the bones for tails.
"Look, Dave," Maribel smiled, one of her canine teeth jutting out from under her lip. "I get it, we're all getting used to them. But like, you gotta remember that a lot of them have superhuman abilities... err... you know what I mean."
"Yeah, I get that." Jorgensen scratched at an itch at the back of his skull, the movement going straight down as electric pain into his damaged coccyx. He had watched the news enough to realize that Mobians treated the laws of physics and anatomy like they brought knives to a gun fight. "That doesn't mean they get to be little assholes."
"Well, the problem is that you picked the absolute worst one to mess with. That was Project Shadow."
Realization didn't so much as dawn on Jorgensen as kick him in the ass. He never really saw all the layers of TOP SECRET involved in the ARK project - not high enough on the ladder - but he had gotten enough info between the reports he did see, the conversations he overheard, and the computers he fixed to know not to fuck with the black hedgehog person.
"Still looks like Mickey Mouse, though."
Maribel rolled her eyes, but smiled anyway. "Shut up, Dave. Your damaged ass is still in HR."
Rouge was, of course, the one to drop the bombshell.
Commander Shadow had been hogging (ha!) the training room all day. Granted, it wasn't as if Pebble and Rory couldn't walk in and join in the simulations, but Pebble didn't want to risk a sonic spindash to the face, and judging by the lion's apprehensive look, neither did Rory.
"He's... not going to leave any for us, is he?"
A small drone hit the bulletproof glass window, falling down with an electric wail. Pebble sucked on the straw of her frappuccino.
"Doesn't look like it."
A roar of the spin-dash, followed by a few more explosions, more drones bleeting static as they went inert. Pebble really wanted sunglasses then, but it was really hard to get ones made with rhinos in mind, especially on Earth.
"This is stupid," grumbled Rory, crossing his arms. "He's some superpowed alien whatever whose job is to thrash Robotnik's toys every other week. Why does he need the training room, anyway?"
A flash of green, followed by a crash. Pebble was pretty sure that would take a month to fix. "I think he's in a bad mood."
Rory snorted. "When is he in a good one?"
Had it not been for the clattering of drones being brutally murdered, Pebble would have noticed the clack-clack of Agent Rouge's boots. Instead, she felt startled by the sound of the bat's voice behind her.
"Have either of you seen Shadow anywhere?" Rouge asked. "We need to get going."
CLANG!
Another robot slammed against the doors.
Odd, now that Pebble thought about it, isn't the training room supposed to be soundproof?
Rory motioned to the window, now covered in oil and grease. "In there. If you could get him out, that'd be great." Rouge took a quick glance inside just in time to see Shadow impale another flying drone with a chaos spear. The bat rolled her eyes and let out a dramatic sigh. Pebble sipped at her drink again.
"What's biting him this time?" Rory asked. Rouge was really one of the only two people that truly knew anything about the enigmatic commander outside of work. The other one was a literal robot.
"Yeah, well it turns out he may be immune to any and all diseases, but that doesn't include lovesickness apparently."
Pebble choked, and started coughing up her drink in shock. What? Shadow? The Shadow? The hedgehog who seemingly only had two emotions: disgust and anger? That Shadow was... just what?!
Rory seemingly wasn't faring much better. "Wh-what?"
"I know right?" Rouge huffed, her expression looking as if she was babysitting an unruly child and not dropping the biggest tea Pebble had ever heard in her professional career. "All this Ultimate Lifeform crap, and he's pissy because someone asked his crush on a date. Unbelievable."
Unbelievable was right, thought Pebble, still trying to cough up coffee out of her lungs.
Rouge took out her cellphone and seemingly dialed Shadow. Pebble noticed a giant green gem as her lockscreen, along with something red her eyes weren't quick enough to catch. The simulation stopped, drones rotating back to their positions with a hum, and Pebble watched as Shadow pulled his own cellphone out.
"Shadow, I need you to quit destroying government property for a second and help me get OMEGA to Tails's house."
"You know he doesn't trust GUN engineers."
"This is different, he's scared of needles... well come and argue with him yourself then!"
Rouge hung up the phone, and a few seconds later the training room doors split, hissing open. Shadow stepped out, not looking much worse for wear after spending the last three hours on expert mode. Well, aside from a few stray quills he rubbed into place.
"Get it out of your system?" Rouge asked.
Shadow harumphed, and strode past Rouge, who turned to follow him.
Rory and Pebble stared at each other for a minute, before something dawned on Rory's face.
"W-wait, who's going to clean this up?"
His only response was Pebble's slurping sounds as she reached the end of her drink.
Argent was done with the day. Absolutely done!
It was bad enough that he had accidentally stepped on his own dang tail in front of three diplomatic envoys, but none of his supervisors had answered their phones when Towers called and needed information on who-the-hell-knows-what - Argent had tuned him out on the second sentence. He trudged though the metal detectors, answering the guards' "How are you"s with a dramatic sigh, then dragged his feet to "reception," which was a closet sized room with two foldable metal chairs, a reinforced door, and a small window for the receptionist to peer through.
Good old government minimalism.
Argent reached up with his ID, and the door swung open with an announcing beep.
"Hey Melissa, is Shadow ba-huh?"
Sitting where the receptionist was supposed to be was Jorgensen and Omega in compact mode.
"Melissa is out," Jorgensen mumbled in between chewing something. "I'm covering for her today."
"Uh-huh," Argent narrowed his eyes at the numerous candy wrappers. "She's going to be pissed when she realizes you ate all her chocolate."
Jorgensen shrugged. "I'll pick up another bag for her on my way home."
"Analyzing data. Mobian species. Tegu phenotype. Name: Argent Silverscale. Position: Agent level four. Greetings."
"Hello Omega, is Jorgensen using you to reset phones again?"
"Affirmative."
Argent gave Jorgensen the disappointed look.
"What? It's not like I didn't ask."
"Whatever. Omega, have you seen Commander Shadow? I'm guessing if you're here he's not out doing... hero stuff. Towers said he needs to schedule a meeting with him."
"Can't he just leave a voice mail?" Jorgensen asked.
"Nah, he's too good for that."
Omega's optics flickered. "Shadow is still on medical leave."
That didn't make any sense. The most Shadow had been out was two days, and he'd come back as if nothing. "Still? It's been two weeks."
Omega made a whirring noise.
"Shadow: No longer immortal."
Omega's words hit like a hammer to his skull, and Argent almost dropped his phone. "What?! What do you mean? How?!" GUN depended so much on Shadow for trainings and particularly dangerous missions, without him they were fucked. There were way too many things needed to be calculated, the budget would have to change, there'd be another hundred meetings, people needed to be called...
"I have yet to be fully debriefed on the details of his predicament," said Omega. "There was an incident in the Sol dimension, I was informed that it neutralized enzymes in his cells that would replicate Black Arms DNA."
"Gaia..." Argent slumped. he was going to need a lot of coffee. And some painkillers for his tail. "So... he's... normal?"
There was no way he could see the Commander working an office job, that was for certain.
"Negative. he will age, and he will heal within normal Mobian parameters. Chaos abilities will not be able to be used as frequently. Transformation into DATA REDACTED impossible. Super sonic speeds and other abilities still possible. Mission success rate will not be impacted beyond standard deviation."
Argent let out a breath. Belatedly, he realized that he completely forgot to clock in on time, and Maribel was going to get on his case about yet another time edit. "Alright Omega, no site-wide panic today."
"Huh," said Jorgensen, popping yet another chocolate into his mouth. "So Mickey Mouse became a real boy."
Jorgensen and his strange references. Argent looked at Omega, and shrugged.
"Okay, I know this is sudden, Swoop, but I'm dying to know."
Swoop looked up to see Jorgensen slide into the chair in front of her just in time for the beep of the microwave to go off. Great, a few more minutes of her precious lunch time down the drain. She adjusted her glasses - ones specialized for birds of prey. "Let me guess," she deadpanned. "You want to know what happens when two different Mobians have children?"
Jorgensen, for his part, decided to actually look bashful. "Hey, Maribel was giving me crap about learning... but anyway how'd you know?"
"I'm a geneticist, and everyone keeps pointing at me when humans ask this question." The microwave let out a forlorn beep, begging for attention. Swoop took her glasses off, using a paper towel to clean the smudges. She closed her eyes. "You're the fourth in three months."
"Willow pointed me in your direction." Jorgensen shrugged, pulling out a granola bar out of his back pocket and making the world's worst noise: crinkling mixed with chewing. The expiration date was a month ago. Of course Willow did, and Swoop was pretty certain it had less to do with her being a geneticist and more to do with being a throwback. She was tempted to tell Jorgensen to look it up and leave her alone, but there was so much misinformation out there from both humans and Mobians, and after that incident with Breeze in accounting it made sense that she'd get pointed towards.
"That's kind of a loaded question in ways that would take days to explain and understand, but to give you the abridged version," Swoop lifted two of her fingers. "Seventy-five percent chance the species is the same as the mother. Twenty-four percent chance the species is the same as the father, and a one percent chance of a throwback."
"Throwback?"
Another beep.
"My mom was a cat, and my dad was a hyena," said Swoop. Hunger was making a racket in her stomach and she wished Jorgensen had bothered her at any other time. "Turns out my great-great-grandfather was an owl. It happens. That's a throwback."
Cut from the conversation? All those little exceptions and complications that was genetics. Not to mention the cultural implications and taboos Swoop was certain Jorgensen was going to step into if he tried to make a conversation about it. When he was going to make conversation about it. Maybe she'll explain it to him later to avoid that particular shit show. Or maybe not.
"Swoop!"
Cerise barged into the breakroom, and Swoop flinched at the door slamming against the wall. She definitely was not going to get to have lunch today judging by the glint in her girlfriend's eyes. Although, when it came to Cerise she found she didn't mind too much. "Commander Shadow just got a call and I need you to eavesdrop." Her voice lowered so that only Swoop could hear, as if she hadn't already made a scene and drawn attention to herself. "I think it's his crush, and I need you to find out who it is so I can win the betting pool."
The owl wasn't able to come up with all the questions that came with this request before being yanked out of her chair and off to the hedgehog's mostly unused office, halfway through the building because of course it was.
"Before you use me as your personal listening device, are you sure?" Swoop sighed, but took out her ear dampeners anyway. She didn't want to get caught listening to actual sensitive information. The dangers of gambling addiction was another thing on a list to give Cerise a lecture about later.
"Yeah, Cerise whispered. "When he looked at his phone he almost dropped it, like it was a wet soap bar, and he immediately went into his office to take it."
That... was hard to picture. She wouldn't admit it, but Swoop was curious too.
"Okay, okay, I'll do it." She pressed her head to the Commander's door. Cerise could have probably listened in too, but only Swoop would be able to listen to both sides of the conversation.
"You didn't tell me you had been discharged from the hospital," a female voice said, layered with the electronic fuzz that came with being on the other side of a phoneline. That must have been mystery girl's voice.
Well, Willow was losing out, then. That voice did not belong to Rouge. Pebble was out, too. It was definitely female. "I could have helped."
"It's fine. Rouge got me back to the apartment."
"I know, but you're still getting used to... I mean..."
The voice sighed. "I guess this is the second time I've asked you to sacrifice something to save the world."
"Rose, it's fine. I don't mind aging, and I won't be able to recover as fast, but..."
"You won't be able to be as reckless."
Swoop looked at Cerise, who was vibrating with impatience. "Girl, not Rouge - don't recognize the voice."
Cerise vibrated harder.
"It won't make that much difference, Rose." Swoop heard pacing. It was downright bizarre to hear a nervous habit coming from Shadow. "Besides, I don't need to be the ultimate life form to kick Sonic's ass."
The voice laughed, and Shadow's pacing stopped. Swoop could swear she heard his heart thump.
"Wow, the Commander has got it real bad."
"I told you to call me Amy."
"Does it bother you?"
"I- Well, you call everyone else by their first name." A pause, then quietly, "if you just want to call me Rose, that's okay."
Gaia, not only did the Commander have it bad, this girl didn't seem to have the slightest idea. Did he think only calling her by her last name would set a barrier between himself and this Amy? If so, it clearly was not working.
"Okay."
"Okay?"
"Okay, I'll call you Amy."
Amy Rose made a happy eep noise, and Swoop heard pressure on fabric. She was probably on her bed or couch.
"That makes me very happy, Shadow."
"Don't... don't mention it."
"You're not as grumpy as you pretend to be."
"Hmph."
Amy Rose laughed again.
"How are you feeling?"
There was a softness, a hesitancy in that question Swoop would have never imagined coming from Shadow. Cerise must have noticed her expression, because she pulled out her phone and started texting, biting her lip - something she usually only did when about to eat a giant sundae.
"Just a few bruises and sprains. I'm having to take it a bit easy at the cafe."
Swoop looked over at Cerise. "Sorry, love. I don't think she runs a grunge band."
"Damn it," Cerise whispered.
"Amy..."
Amy Rose sighed into the phone. "You saw me crying, didn't you?"
A pause.
"Yeah."
"I know-I know it's silly. We're all here trying to save civilization, or the world, or the dimension, and here I am, hung up on Sonic just like when I was twelve."
"I don't think it's silly. I think it adds to your strength."
Swoop's eyes widened, and Cerise's texting increased in speed.
"Ha, thanks... you know, I kind of... already knew. I think... it was around the fourth or fifth time Blaze and Sonic teamed up? You weren't there, but they had some spare time. Sonic challenged her to a race - you know how he is." Swoop heard more shuffling, and he imagined the girl curled into a fetal position as she talked into the phone. "He was winning, of course. But then Blaze did this thing with fire under her shoes and twirled right over him and over the finish line. She looked so pretty, like a ballerina or a figure skater. A-and... when I saw Sonic's face, the way he looked at her... I knew, Shadow. I didn't want to admit it, but I knew." There was a laugh, but with no humor attached. "I guess it makes sense a hero like him would end up with a princess who can keep up with him. Not like me."
Enough.
Swoop had heard enough. The intimacy of that confession had made her aware of herself, and what she was doing. Guilt bloomed at the bottom of her gut, spreading its uncomfortable tendrils outwards. These were real people, not dolls or characters to play with, and here she was, eavesdropping like some schoolchild. She fell back, putting her ear plugs back in.
"Swoop?" Asked Cerise.
"It was getting too intimate, doesn't feel right."
"Hey."
She made her way back to her desk, the movement of those she walked past a blur. She wasn't hungry anymore. Cerise followed, placing a hand on her arm.
"I think I know who it is." Said Swoop.
"You do?!"
Swoop would usually do anything to get Cerise this happy. Not this time.
She sat down, knowing she had to follow up on a report about a third party looting Robotnik's bases. Swoop was a geneticist, sure, but in exchange for research funds she had to do the occasional reconnaissance. Better than applying for grant money, she supposed.
"Yes, and you all lose. That's all I'm going to say."
Cerise crossed her arms, made that exaggerated pout she always did when being denied, but there was concern in her eyes.
"What's going on, Swoop?"
"I-"
"No, I get it, betting pools and office gossip off the table. You were okay earlier, and now you're all moody. Is it contagious or something?"
"It's just that it really did get intimate, Cerise. It was wrong to overhear it. They're real people, not some sports game."
Cerise uncrossed her arms, guilt shadowing her features. "You're right, as usual. Okay, betting pool is closed. I'm still going to be hella nosey, but I won't be a jerk about it anymore."
Wouldn't be you if you weren't nosey, thought Swoop. "Hey, can I have a hug?"
Cerise smiled, vaulting over the desk and pulling Swoop off the chair and into her arms. Her fur felt soft against her feathers.
"I'll order lunch, too."
G.U.N. MESSAGING SYSTEM
c.armadillo: you unleashed quite a crap show, Rouge.
r.bat: Haha, well you know me. It comes with the territory ;) What did I unleash this time? I'm sorry I missed it.
c.armadillo: You told Pebble Commander Shadow had a crush on someone, and that started a betting pool.
r.bat: that's hilarious!
c.armadillo: I got Swoop to eavesdrop and she knows who it is, but instead of telling me, she told me to get rid of the betting pool and now it's a whole thing.
r.bat: wow, really? I should have figured. Shadow has that cold, dark and mysterious thing going on. People talk.
c.armadillo: Willow still thinks it's you, btw, even though Swoop says otherwise. She thinks she was just covering for me losing.
r.bat: me????? You're cracking me up.
r.bat: No, I'm not Shadow's type.
r.bat: at. all.
r.bat: but if you're all so curious... how about as an apology for the dumpster fire, I'll order you some catering for breakfast on Friday?
c.armadillo: rouge
r.bat: I know JUST the place!!
c.armadillo: ROUGE
c. armadillo: you're doing it again.
r.bat: I don't know what you're talking about. :)
c.armadillo: I can't decide if you're the best or the worst.
"I'm not bothering you by being here, am I?" Asked Jorgensen, taking up the second seat at reception.
"No, not really," Melissa replied, her back to him. On the screen was one of those yearly don't-be-a-dumbass online courses all staff were required to do. Melissa had worked here long enough to have them semi-memorized. "It gets quiet up here. If anything, having the company is nice."
"Great, cause I brought snacks." Jorgensen said, opening up his laptop. Melissa ceased her typing to look back at him. "Oh? What kind?"
"They're in the bag if you want to look."
Melissa picked up Jorgensen's tote bag. It had a pattern of rings flying away with wings.
"Damn, sour cream and cheddar? My favorite. Definitely stealing one."
"Sure, go ahead." Jorgensen smiled at her before opening up the first impending ticket of the day. He wish he hadn't finished his iced coffee so quickly.
"Hey Jorgensen?"
"Yeah?"
"Why do you go by your last name?"
Jorgensen chuckled. "What do you think sounds cooler when introducing myself to girls? Hello, I'm Jorgensen, I work for GUN? Or, Hey I'm Dave, I work in I.T.?"
Melissa made a little huff that was almost a laugh. "Touché."
The phone rang, it's soft, jazzy tune signifying the call came from wthin network. Melissa picked it up.
"Hello, this is Melissa. Hi Cerise, what's going on?"
"Rouge ordered breakfast? Really?" Melissa's eyebrows shot up in surprise, but then her voice became hushed. "You think it's... oh Gaia, I have got to see this. Uh-huh, talk later."
She hung up the phone with an echoing click.
"What was that about?" Jorgensen asked, ignoring the laptop chiming with unread messages.
Melissa chuckled. "So about a year ago, Rouge let it slip that Shadow has a crush on someone, and it's been an ongoing joke ever since. There was even a betting pool."
Jorgensen squinted at her. Melissa's eyes were oddly yellow for a human, and they twinkled with mischief.
Wait.
"Shadow."
"Yep."
"Black hedgehog. About this tall."
"M-hm."
"A total jerk who is infuriatingly good at anything badass."
"You got it."
"And is always grumpy, no matter what. That Shadow."
"That's the one."
"You're joking."
Melissa shrugged. "That's what Pebble said Rouge told her."
"Wow."
"Yeah, so long story short, Rouge found out about the whole thing and, for the first time ever, ordered us breakfast. Do the math."
"... Huh."
Well, free food is free food.
The door at the end of the lobby clocked open, with a bear security guard peeking in.
"Um, food delivery?"
"Yeah, don't worry, Ursa." Melissa said. "We were expecting it."
Ursa nodded and fully opened the door to reveal... the pinkest, cutest Mobian Jorgensen had ever seen. A hedgehog for sure, though she looked slightly different to her male counterparts. With her long pink quills down her back, big green eyes and a floral dress overlain with an apron, she looked like she would fit right at home in a little girl's dollhouse.
"Good morning!" She said chipperly, dragging in a wagon behind her full of boxes. Boxes that did nothing to hide the smell of croissants toasted to buttery perfection, marmalades on danishes, and cupcake icing. "Delivery for Rouge?"
"Oh yes, of course!" Melissa fumbled through her messy collection of stationary for one of the visitor badges. Finding one, she handed it to the hedgehog girl, who stood on her tiptoes for it. "I'll sign you in... what's your name?"
"Amy Rose."
"Got it... let me send Rouge a message. You'll have to be accompanied inside."
Amy nodded, but then her gaze shifted downward. "Um..." Amy said, leaning from one foot to the other. "... Is... does Shadow happen to be here today?"
Melissa and Jorgensen's faces immediately snapped to each other's.
No way. Her?
Damn, Shadow, thought Jorgensen. She's adorable.
But Melissa was already dialing the extension.
"Good morning, Commander, there- no, it's not th- it's not him eith-" Melissa paused with a grimace. "There's a Miss Amy Rose here ask-"
Odd, thought Jorgensen. Since when are there intense winds indoors?
"A-Amy? What are you doing here?"
Damn, he didn't even hear the door open. Somehow Shadow had just materialized in front of the hedgehog girl. Incredibly, he was the one who looked flustered, as if he wasn't the one broke physics showing up.
"Shadow!" Amy launched herself to hug the commander. "Rouge hired me to bring in some pastries. I hope I didn't interrupt anything important by asking for you."
Now, normally Jorgensen would be gentlemanly enough to be helping Melissa pick up all the blown papers, but watching the stoic and grumpy Shadow turn pinker than his crush was the entertainment of the month.
"No, nothing important."
"What do you mean nothing important?!" Yelled Rouge from another room.
Ah, bat ears.
Shadow looked over his shoulder in Rouge's voice's direction with a "Tch" and a snarl, but the way his eyes softened turning back down to Amy was night and day.
"You've got your badge, right?" Shadow picked up the cart's handle Amy had dropped in her haste for a hug. "I'll walk you back."
"Oh you don't have to-"
"Too late," Shadow smiled. Smiled! "Come on."
Melissa and Jorgensen waited a few beats in stunned silence after the two had walked past them before staring at each other.
"Holy shit," Jorgensen said in a mock whisper. "That's definitely her."
"Did you see how cute she was?" Melissa buried her face in her hands. "She's pink, Jorgensen. Pink!"
G.U.N. MESSAGING SYSTEM
r.bat: interesting guesses, but no.
r.bat: it's funny, I was surprised at first when I found out about it too. You'd think he'd find her annoying, if you meet her. I know I did at first. She's this happy, peppy girly-girl. I swear the sun literally shines out of her butt lol.
r.bat: but no, he's totally smitten. wrapped around her little finger. it's amazing to watch how he just transforms around her.
r.bat: but when you've gotten to know Shadow like I do, you realize that it makes sense. He's been through a lot, of course he's going to crave that.
r.bat: I think he also has this protector complex going on lol, though Amy can take care of herself.
r.bat: I just hope he asks her out soon, I'm tired of putting up with his pathetic yearning is2g.