Chapter Text
Adrenaline is a hell of a drug.
John knows this from experience in war. He’s stayed awake for a whole week more than once, fought like his life depended on it (because it did) with little more than fumes to run on, jumped on four live grenades, led several successful rescue missions, and crawled his way out of hell more than he can count.
This was no different from those times. Suddenly, they were faced with a life-or-death fight. He fought like hell, knowing that not only his life depended on it, and successfully rescued several lives, and through it all, his old friend greeted him and took over when he felt like he couldn’t stand up another minute.
The only difference this time was the addition of soldier serum, which made it that much easier to power through the pain and impossible situations at hand.
But just as sure as she was to come, she was sure to leave just as fast. And when adrenaline wears off, it feels like you’re going to get crushed by gravity itself.
They were standing on the stage. Val was flapping her gums about how she is actually the one who saved the world because it was her plan all along, and John couldn’t help but think back to the vault.
What a bitch.
“You good, Walker?”
John looked over at Ava, who was eyeing him up and down with a wary look, almost worried? Odd-
“Yeah, I’m good,”
She hummed, shifting her stance a bit,
“You’re shaking,”
He was? He hadn’t realized that.
“Adrenalin rush,”
He muttered, just assuming it was the crash on the cusp. That’s how it usually ended. He’d get to the end of the line, wait until he was relieved from duty, and then the second he knew he was in the same proximity of Lemar, the crash hit.
The crash was full body sobs, uncontrollable shaking, and more times than not vomiting everything that was and wasn’t in his stomach until he ended up passing out.
Lemar hated it, he knew. But he’d hold him through it all.
Huh, he didn’t realize that this would be the second time since Lemar’s death that he’d have to go through a crash on his own till now.
The first time was after Lemar’s death.
“Can’t handle a little excitement, Mr. Military?”
She jabbed, her tone like and non-acquiring. He hummed, feeling the tremors now that she’d mentioned it. He had about 10 minutes before shit hit the fan,
“I’ve had enough excitement in my whole life to never have any again,”
He muttered, not feeling particularly jokey. She said something that he didn’t hear, because why the hell is his shoulder wet? It’s irritating and sticky, and he feels like it’s dripping fluid everywhere in his clothes-
“-le five more minutes? Because Barnes looks like he’s gonna freak out.”
He only caught the last half of what she said and decided to look at the man in question to try and piece the rest of her sentence together.
Bucky looked so irritated, like punch a whole fist through the wall irritated. A lot like how he looks at him half the time.
Huh, interesting. He wondered if Bucky would ever put his fist through his head. He wouldn’t mind it, honestly, probably an easy way to go out.
“Not sure he’s gonna make it another two to be honest,”
Ava chuckled, still holding her composure for the most part, before looking back at him,
“You ok?”
He looked back at her, raising an eyebrow,
“Yeah… yeah, I’m good. Why are you asking?”
“You are not… looking hot.”
“I don’t agree, I always look hot.”
“Whatever dumbass.”
He chuckled, and saw the smile that graced her lips as he did, only to feel a sharp pain in his right shoulder, hissing in pain before he reached up to touch it, his shield clanking on his chest as he did.
“You good?”
He didn’t answer right away, holding onto his shoulder as the searing pain lit up his nervous system. What the hell-
He moved his hand away from his shoulder, looking at the way his fingers were as red as his fingerless gloves.
Odd, he thought they were fingerless,
“Is that blood?”
Ava asked, her tone sharp but not accusing,
Oh, maybe it was,
He half shrugged with his left shoulder, feeling the crash continue to set in. There was no avoiding the way his body was trembling now, but he was sure the rest of them were reaching that point as well, after all, everyone had been beaten to the same degree; what made him special?
“John,”
She was holding his hand in both of hers, going from standing at his side to right in front of him, press be damned. Her grey-green eyes were stunning as she looked at him, locking in on his eyes,
“Where is this from? Is this your blood?”
Was it his? He doesn’t remember bleeding. He shrugged again, looking past her at the crowd. Everyone’s eyes are locked on Val as she prattles on. Bob is watching her with a confused head cock, Yelena is looking at her like her stare will melt her brain, Alexei looks pissed but impassive at the same time and Bucky-
Bucky’s watching them, he’s not even looking at Val anymore. His resting bitch face locked on the two to the side of him,
He looks pissed, probably with John for causing a scene-
“Pay attention to me,”
She grabbed him by the jaw and turned his face to look at her, now holding his hand up by his wrist like it was guilty of something.
“Where is this from?”
It’s not a question, it’s a demand.
“My shoulder hurts.”
He’s not sure why he said that, probably because the pain is bordering on blinding now, but it slipped out before he could stop it.
The nausea is starting to set in, the shaking is very much there, and the crying should not be too far behind. Great. Just perfect.
Ava’s face went from scrunched in anger? It looked angry- to borderline fear. No just fear.
“You’re bleeding out.”
He was?
He looked at his shoulder, noticing the steady flow of red now.
Oh that’s right…
“I got stabbed.”
“What!?”
“Got stabbed. In the void. Forgot about that.”
She swore, and for some reason, she was acting more frantic than he felt. He felt oddly calm about it all.
“That’s it, we’re done.”
He heard Bucky say into the mic before storming across the makeshift stage, snatching John by his left arm, tugging him off the stage. The sensation felt like fire lit up in his body as he bit back a scream of pain, letting the former assassin drag him behind the sheet/curtain/whatever the hell that was.
“What the hell happened?”
Bucky snapped, and John tried to pull his arm out of the grip, feeling the nausea start to win the fight.
“Let go,”
He muttered, trying again as Bucky held on tighter,
“Walker stop being a difficult ass, what is going on-”
“Let go of my arm.”
“Walker, tell me what’s going on, that’s an order.”
Bucky barked at him. By now the rest of the team was back there (great, perfect, he can’t even break down in peace.) and his stomach promptly gave out as he dropped the shield, letting the heavy metal fall on Bucky’s foot, shocking the man into letting go of him before he stumbled away and hit the ground on all fours, throwing up whatever was in his stomach.
He can feel his body running out of fumes to run on as he gags bile, almost collapsing on top of his mess before Alexei caught him, saying something in Russian to him that he simply could not even pretend to understand right now.
Everything was blurry, his arm hurt, his body won’t stop shaking, he feels like he’s choking, and all of a sudden, all he wants is Lemar.
“Is he ok?”
Yelena asked, crouching beside her dad, sidestepping his puke to lift his chin to try and get his attention. This was a long shot from the John she’d gotten to know over the course of events. He was shaking uncontrollably, muttering what sounded like gibberish, and hardly able to take in a breath from how panicked he was.
“John? Can you hear me?”
She asked, getting no response from the man, his eyes fluttered towards her, but he didn’t say anything, just trying to flinch out of her hold on his face before a pained cry escaped him, trying to escape Alexei’s hold.
“He’s bleeding move.”
Ava said all of a sudden beside Yelena, shoving her to the side as she made quick work of undoing John’s vest, ignoring his horrible attempts at trying to bat her away,
“Hands away, patriot, I’m helping you.”
She muttered before looking up at Alexei,
“Hold him tight, he’s going to try and get away.”
Alexei nodded, and with a swift movement, she tore the vest back, revealing his chest and shoulder, the angry bleeding wound on full display.
A string of expletives escaped all three there as John screamed in pain and tried to get out of Alexei’s grasp, a sob escaping at that exact minute, leaving the man begging for his life.
Ava hushed him as gently as possible before looking around before swearing again,
“Does anyone have anything to clean this?”
She snapped before Bucky crouched down beside them too, looking over it all, letting go of a hiss, looking a little rattled,
“What the fuck did that,”
“B-”
“Later.”
Yelena said, cutting Ava off, the other woman looking at her in confusion before she realized Bob was there watching with a terrified expression,
“We need to get out of here. Alexei, can you carry him out?”
Alexei nodded, shifting the man’s weight in his hold, John not making it easy with the way he kept fighting to get away.
“Calm yourself, comrade, I am helping you, not attacking.”
“He’s not here right now, just…”
Bucky bit back a sigh as he ran a hand through his hair, clearly aware of the dissociated state John was in.
This was really the shit that just keeps hitting the fan isn’t it?
“Just carry him, he’ll knock out in a few seconds. Can you ignore him for the most part?”
Alexei nodded, before looking back at John, almost looking regretful for what he’d have to do,
“Forgive me, comrade, this is to help, but it will hurt.”
He pinned John’s arms together as he held him in a tight bridal carry, forcing himself to ignore the way John screamed in pain as he did, standing quickly with the trashing man, begging him silently to just pass out.
Ava stood up fast, snatching John’s uninured hand to try and give him some comfort, Yelena going over to where Bob was to hold him by the arm as she walked him out, talking to him gently as she tried to get him to walk away and stop watching the scene in front of him unfold.
Bucky surveilled the scene, listening to the cheering in the crowd as Val talked to the people. Thankful for the overwhelming noise to cancel out John’s noise.
The less the people knew, the better.
“Hospital, now. I’ll drive.”
He said, before stalking off to find a working car, hoping for an automatic that they could steal.
He found a car to steal, breaking in with experience ease as Alexei talked to Ava. John had since passed out, they got about six feet away until he gave out and went ragdoll limp in Alexei’s arms.
“Alright, everyone, get in. I’m driving I don’t give a shit who’s shotgun,”
He ordered, not waiting for them to pull their heads out of their asses to start the car.
How long John had been bleeding out was beyond him. He had the serum, so that is probably why he didn’t realize it till much later. But the serum just enhanced; it didn't make you invincible.
Ava phased in before directing Alexei to lay John on the seat, using her lap as a pillow for him as the older man laid him across her lap, before getting into the passenger's side. Bob and Lena got into the back, the latter closing the door just as Bucky started to drive, letting his mind race as he drove through the shitshow that was New York right now.
“Where are we going?”
That must have been Yelena,
“Metro central, it’s about fifteen blocks, hold onto your asses, Ava, hold John as tight as possible,”
Ava didn’t answer Bucky, but she’d already planned on doing that. John was disoriented, spacing out on her lap as he mumbled something about Lemar? She had no idea who that was-
“You’re ok, you’ll be ok.”
She said, hoping it was comforting as she ran a hand through his grimy blonde hair.
His skin was clammy, but she didn’t care about either thing. This sudden urge to protect him and comfort him hit her out of nowhere. If you’d told her she’d feel this way back in the vault, she’d have put a hole through your skull.
“Help, I- I don’t wanna die.”
He muttered, his eyes brimming with tears again,
“You’re not going to die, I won’t let that happen, don’t worry about that.”
“ ‘m scared,”
She hushed him, leaning down to press a kiss to his temple, her mind racing as she did it. Why had she-
It worked. He stilled slightly at the feeling.
“You’re ok.”
“ ‘m scared-”
“You are ok.”
She’d say it as many times as needed. Until it came true, if she had to.
It was hard to believe not even ten minutes ago they were on that stage joking about Bucky, and now he was lying here dyin-”
“You’re ok.”
She said this time more for herself than for him.
He had to be, she can’t accept it any other way. She can’t lose another person she cares about.
“I NEED HELP!”
Bucky shouted as he stormed into the hospital, holding John bridal style.
He was out cold, passed out the minute they’d entered the hospital parking lot. Bucky didn’t bother parking, he pulled up, jumped out of the car, swung around, and snatched John out of the back and took off, not waiting for the team, he knew they’d follow.
His shout had been answered promptly, getting several nurses to run his way with a bed.
“What happened?”
One of the male nurses asked as Bucky laid him down as carefully as possible before turning around to glare at the man,
“He got stabbed, the fuck does it look like happened?”
He snapped, feeling Ava phase beside him, getting several screams of fear in response. She didn’t pay them any mind, turning John’s face to her, giving it a little shake, waiting to see if his eyes would open, feeling a rush of calm spread through her when she saw his glassy blue eyes half open,
“You better not fucking die do you hear me? Do not die. That is an order, Cap,”
He tried to continue to look at her, blinking once in recognition at her command before his eyes rolled back again.
She let go of his face, stepping back to look at the medical team standing in stunned silence before hot rage hit her,
“WHY ARE YOU JUST STANDING THERE. SAVE HIM.”
She screamed at them, and just like that, everyone kicked into gear. Ava felt Bucky pull her back by her bicep as they wheeled him out, leaving the team to stand in shock from both Ava’s reaction and the reality of what had just happened.
It was dangerously close to his artery. That’s what the doctor had said.
He had an insane amount of blood loss, the muscle had to be stitched back together, and it would probably be a while before he’d be able to use his arm at all. Physical therapy was going to be a thing, so was bed rest, and it was very likely that an infection would set in because of how dirty it was, along with him. Breeding ground for bacteria or something like that.
Yelena watched him sleep, feeling a small sense of relief now that he was in front of them.
Everyone ended up needing medical attention, and after some (read as a lot) of bitching and fighting, Bucky had told them all to square up and get scene or he’d knock them out and then have them checked against their wills.
She had several stitches, bandages, her wrist was wrapped to help with a sprain, and she was feeling the effects of a quality-grade pain reliever.
Ava hasn’t said a word since screaming at the hospital staff. She’s currently sitting at John’s side, her hands folded together in front of her mouth as she watches him breathe, her elbows propped up on the bed. She’d bonded to him, something Yelena hadn’t expected, but she found… comforting. At least she wasn’t the only person who’d formed a bond that fast.
Speaking of bonds.
Bob came back into the room, handing her a Coke, holding a bottle of water for himself.
“Has he moved?”
He asked, whispering for some reason. John was heavily sedated, so even if Alexei screamed directly at him, he wouldn’t stir. Yelena couldn’t help the chuckle that escaped her at his attempt to be respectful of the atmosphere,
“No, he won't either. They’ve got him under… probably for the best, he needs to let the serum work its wonders.”
She wasn’t sure it would, she hoped it did, but she wasn’t sure. She didn’t know how it worked.
“Oh. does Ava know that?”
Yelena nodded, finding herself leaning against the wall. Bob followed suit.
“She won’t budge. Don’t try.”
He hummed, their shoulders so close they were touching.
“How are you?”
She looked up at him, a sudden rush of warmth filling her chest at the way he looked down at her.
“I’m good. Thanks.”
“You’re wrists ok?”
She nodded, taking a swig of her Coke.
“It will be fine. Just a sprain.”
He hummed, looking at her like there was something else he wanted to add to the conversation, before turning back around to look at John and Ava.
“I don’t know why, but for some reason… I feel like this is my fault.”
“No. don’t say that. It is not your fault.”
She cut in fast, her bound wrist reaching out just as fast to snatch his hand. He clasped his fingers around hers without thinking,
Why John was the only one who got impaled in the void was beyond her. Bucky had a theory, but he didn’t share it. Alexei was still unaware of how it happened due to his inability to keep anything to himself, and Ava.
She still hadn’t said a word, but she did look Bob up and down, an unreadable expression on her face when he offered her a chance to go get changed and wash up in one of the showers in the back after he’d gotten done.
She nodded, gave him that look, and then stood up and phased out, leaving him standing in her absence.
She can imagine her friend is feeling a lot.
If it was John who’d hurt her person like that and didn’t remember doing it, she imagines she’d do the same thing. Probably more violent, honestly. So Ava was definitely trying.
She stopped in her tracks, looking up at Bob.
Her person. She supposed that was who he’d become. Against her will, but she wouldn’t change it for the world.
“I don’t know, something in my head-”
“Is lying to you, to try and bring you down again. Don’t let him win.”
He blinked, squeezing her hand harder.
It would be kept a secret how Walker got injured, how all of them ended up battered, how New York ended up half-imploded.
So long as she was there to stop the truth from coming out, she’d make sure Bob never learned.
He sighed, looking back at the two, Yelena following suit, before he chuckled, getting her attention,
“What is so funny?”
“Oh, nothing, it’s just… it started with the four of us in a room, and it ended the same way.”
She looked at him before looking back at the other two, finding a small smile on her lips.
“You’re right… I wouldn’t have it another way.”