Work Text:
'It was an accident.'
That is all it was. All it is. After all, accidents aren't inherently bad. Accidents are normal. They happen all the time and, more importantly, no one can be blamed for an accident. It's not his fault. It was an accident. He can't be blamed. It was an accident. It can't hurt him, because it was an accident. Dad and Gaz are gone- but it was an accident.
Accidents are okay. Accidents are inevitable. Accidents are normal and not horrifically life-shattering. He's fine. It's not his fault.
It's not his fault.
It can't be.
'A minor miscalculation. A small mistake. It's fine.'
It was only one dimension. Only one reality full of infinite - well probably not infinite, otherwise it wouldn't all be gone, but - either way, it was just ONE.
Just one minor itsy bitty accidental miscalculation that destroyed one itty bitty dimension full of people that never cared for him - because if they had cared, then they wouldn't be dead, would they?
No - if Dad and Gaz had cared, they would have stopped him, (Dib would have NEVER let them) They would have helped him save everyone, (Yet in the end, it wasn't the world Dad chose to reach out to, was it?) or SOMETHING - because this- this accident doesn't happen, cannot happen, when people care. He grew up listening to dad's rants on science and world improvement and peace - he knows what a good, caring world full of people should look like - what dad said he'd turn their world into - what DIB wanted to turn it into - but its too late for that now.
No, not now. That would imply Dib stopped that from ever happening, that it could have happened if HE wasn't there - and he's already established to himself that IT'S NOT HIS FAULT. He has a bulletin board to prove it! He had one, unless he took it apart for something - supplies have been so, so limited since that stupid version of himself came and ruined his plans and-
'Dad and Gaz care! ...I think.'
Delusional. Naive. Stupid, stupid, stupid filthy human.
Because that's what the other one was. A human.
Dib remembers when he was human.
When he still had his nose and ears - when he didn't have CLAWS (Though those are kind of cool actually, really adds some flair and had made opening cans that much easier) - and when his hair looked like his dad's. A prehensile, totally normal hair-do that had the strength of his hair bone to keep it in shape. Completely natural and totally normal for humans. Probably. That or Dad edited his genetics when he was little - he'd checked the possibility with Zim's - with HIS PAK in the past, and it wasn't zero. He still wasn't sure how to feel about that. It at least explained why he remembered being in a lab when he was a baby, Though he'd much prefer if it was aliens.
He liked the idea of being chosen for something important because extraterrestrials saw potential in him. The idea that his dad had looked at him when he was a baby and decided he needed some improvements was... Disappointing, to put it lightly. Dib's mistake for hoping for more from THIS universe, he supposes.
He's getting off track. Dib's been doing that more lately. Probably because he's stranded in the ruins of his home dimension. Something about the vast empty void that surrounded him, and about the horrible silence, though silence was an understatement at this point. This place was beyond silent. It was almost maddening.
At least when he had all those stupid inferior Zims here, he had some background noise. Sure the noise was mostly their screaming and shouting matches, but he'd take all the screaming in the world over this - well, no, not all the screaming in the world. The screams his planet let out as the universe tore open was... but now that everything and everyone is gone...
...What happened to his Tower's power? There had been a droning noise before - from the electricity - but now everything is dark and far, far too silent. He didn't realize how comforting the droning was - how it shielded him from the dead silence that surrounded him. That's what it is, isn't it?
Dead Silence.
Save for his beating heart, at least. Probably a heart anyway - he doesn't have a way to check if any of his organs have changed more since the Accident that isn't his fault happened. Strangely, silence makes him feel so, so loud. He's certain if there was a single other soul here, they'd be able to hear his breathing and organs and shuffles from the other side of the VOID!
Where is the droning? Did he forget something? What was the last thing he had been doing? Think Dib, THINK!
He... had been working on something again. He doesn't - actually, no, he has an inkling as to why he isn't working on it right now. Now that he's paying attention - he realizes quickly his entire body is in pain - especially his right leg. Which means something exploded again, probably. Not the first time, probably won't be the last. If Dad was here he'd be screaming about Science Safety protocols and would scold Dib for not following proper safety precautions when working on such unstable machinery. Whatever! Not Dib's fault he didn't have any safety gear to use, anymore.
Unstable machinery. It wasn't supposed to be unstable, he doesn't think. Whatever he had been making - was supposed to help him. But he failed. He failed, and he's still HERE, and nowhere closer to finding anyone, SOMEONE. He can't stay here. This place - its death. The silence promises it. Can't you hear it? It wants him to fall in, too. He swears it. The Darkness is out to get him. He can't stay here. He can't be alone anymore - he can't die alone HE CAN'T!!
He can't.
He won't.
...He is on the floor, he realizes. He doesn't remember when he laid down. If he laid down or if he just fell over again - or if he was launched onto the ground by his project exploding. Probably the latter.
If a tree falls in a forest, and no one is around to see it - or hear it, did it ever really fall?
His father would be rolling in his grave if he had one. Not only is his son 'crazy', he is spouting PHILOSOPHY! Curses! Drat! Other words his dad would say.
...What would his dad say, if he was here? Did it even matter?
...
He doesn't miss Dad. He doesn't. If Dib did - then it's only because the silence was trying to suffocate him right now. This should have never happened. None of this should have happened. Everything was supposed to be fine - everything was supposed to be better than fine - Dib was supposed to FIX IT. He was supposed to prove everyone wrong, to be the hero, to be the son that made his Dad tear up with joy, Made his Dad hold him and whisper about how proud he is of his boy child or say I love you or ANYTHING other then CRAZY!!
...Then again, as painful as being called crazy is, at this point, he'd take a 'scientific' delusional rant about how the void he was in is actually 'scientifically IMPOSSIBLE' and how gas is making him hallucinate all this.
If he was hallucinating, if he was just crazy - then everyone would be fine. No one would have died. He'd wake up any minute now in a hospital and his family would be there and everything would be okay, everyone else would be alive, because he'd just be 'crazy dib' and none of the monsters he knows exist would be real anymore.
...But he's not crazy. He's smart, and destructive, and awful, and SELFISH and he shouldn't be the one that's HERE. But he's not crazy. Zim was - IS real. The Irkens are real. Bigfoot is real.
Ghosts...
He wishes ghosts weren't real...
He wishes Dad and Gaz were here.
Dad would find a way out of this place. He'd of made friends with alternate versions of himself and taken Gaz and him out to some lovely dimension where nothing bad happens ever, and Gaz would've beaten the void to a pulp and threatened it to let her out, and it would have worked because nothing is stronger then Gaz. The darkness, the silence, it would all cower before her. Nothing was stronger than Gaz.
Nothing should be stronger than her. Not his little sister. Not his little sister, who could build little terrifying robots to keep him out of her room after the one time he accidently broke her Game-Slave while borrowing it. Not his little sister, who had hell-fire in her eyes and a grip that could break bones. Not his sister, who waited, and waited, and waited, and waited, with him for Dad when he was late - when he forgot - when he couldn't show up due to a last minute emergency, again and again, - not her not her not her not her-
-She wasn't supposed to die.
"I'm sorry..."
He's the worse big brother ever.
NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!
He quickly shakes his head.
He might be a bad big brother - the worse big brother but- his family hadn't been good either. The world hadn't been good EITHER!
It's not his fault.
He had just been trying to save everyone. They should've helped him. Dad should've helped him - Dad should have had his back but- Dad never did. Now Dib was alone. He had always been so, so alone and - sure, Maybe not as literally as right now but STILL. He had been alone and he's still alone so- Not much has changed, really. When you think about it.
Sure, there wasn't any food nor water, or working electricity since he broke the battery that was meant to be able to last THOUSANDS OF YEARS accidently and-
Oh. So that's how he ended up on the floor. He remembers now.
He had been trying to make a portal opener out of scrap metal - and had linked it up the battery of the tower (Which had originally been stolen from Zim's base, sorry not sorry) then-
He miscalculated. It EXPLODED. Now he's on his back. Has been for a while actually.
4 hours, his pack chimes in. How helpful and greatly delayed. You'd think a highly complex and sophisticated piece of alien technology would tell you important information IMMEDIATLY. Oh, well, at least that's one mystery solved. Not that it matters. Maybe is should. He doesn't know anymore. Does time still exist in a place like this?
His right leg hurts, he realizes. It hurts to the point it doesn't. Maybe its not the yawning void that wants to swallow him up that's causing his thoughts to be jumbled, but adrenaline instead? Yeah, he'll stick with adrenaline. That's way, way more possible the a sentient murderous void is anyway.
Yeah. YEAH! That's fine. Adrenaline is a normal response to nearby explosions (So is shock too, but he's too brave and strong to be in shock from a tiny explosion! I mean, he saw an entire dimension DIE. One explosion is nothing, he's FINE). No need to think deeper on that. He should get up and work on something - try to fix the battery but - well, if he doesn't look, then he won't know if its salvageable or not.
What was that one paradox - the cat in the box? If he doesn't look at the battery - it could still TOTALLY be salvageable and he won't be doomed. If he looks at it then he'll know if it is or isn't - and if it isn't salvageable then that means he'll die all alone here - so might as well just... Enjoy the bliss of not knowing for a while longer. Besides - the tower was so... dark, without power.
Not only that, but how's he supposed to work on something he can't see? He should think about solving that problem first before moving and finding out if he's gonna die here all alone or not. Also before he checks if any of his limbs are broken... Or missing.
He doesn't think anything is missing but he hasn't checked - and he really doesn't want to check. Cat in a box. Ignorance is bliss, and with everything he's been through he deserves to be fully ignorant for ATLEAST a full minute or two.
...Lately, the fire in his chest that he'd fueled with utter spite and pure determination to rule over a bunch of stupid Zims, and take over multiple Irken Empires so he could save the multiverse by waging war with Irken empires he's never even met yet, has all bit dwindled. As of right now, all he feels is a dreadful sense of foreboding and doom, (but NOT REGRET OR GUILT because its not his fault! Its not his fault! He'll believe that, dammit) and an all consuming emptiness not unlike the void surrounding him.
So, for now, JUST for now, because he ISN'T dying alone here! He can't- He's gonna take a little nap. A snooze if you will. A little sleepy blink of the eyelids and a visit to Lala land where everything is okay and no one is dead and everything is fine, actually.
So, with a sigh, he closes his eyes.
Gir's bloody face stares at him from the darkness from within his eyelids.
He bolts up - then groans, because YES, he's still in pain, forever and always probably. He hears a noise and he swears, he SWEARS he saw the stupid, blood-covered robot skittering through the darkness nearby - but just as quickly as he spotted it, it disappears.
"G-Gir?" He murmurs - and he wishes he didn't. It was just a robot - It's name didn't matter. It didn't matter. (It hadn't been anything personal, it HADN'T - but the robot wouldn't stop asking where Zim was and he got scared and-) It was just a robot. A robot that was just as gone as everyone else. A robot that shouldn't and couldn't possibly be here. Yet still he can't help but- he can't help but-!!
"Gir? Are you here?"
There is no response. Only silence. Of course, there is only silence. Gir was dead destroyed.
So apparently he's being haunted by a robot now. For some reason. Just great. He didn't even think robots could BE ghosts. (Robots weren't alive. Gir was never ALIVE. What- What Dib did was- He had to. He's so sorry. It was just a robot.) Or had blood - seriously WHY was Gir covered in blood?? That makes no sense! Then again it's not like Gir ever made sense, either. Still, REALLY!? At least Dad and Gaz would've made sense - though he hates seeing them. They don't act right. He's seen ghosts before - hunted them plenty of times - and they are never so... still. Like Statues. It was wrong.
Sometimes it makes him wonder if what he's seeing is even... He's not crazy. H-He knows ghosts are real! They could totally be real! Besides he, he still doesn't know what happens after death. The afterlife is probably still around, right? If there is one?
He's not crazy! Maybe... They just want to check up on him?
Hah! Fat chance, more likely they are mad - but that's fine.
They can't hurt him, won't hurt him - and even if they would - Dad and Gaz - he'd be able to stop them. He knows way more about ghosts and the supernatural than either of them! Dad probably doesn't even know he's a ghost! It's fine! It's - he's not- they ARE real, because he's not crazy! After everything he's done, everything he's been through - he cannot be going crazy now.
...Besides, he could use the company. Even if they all were scary and wrong, it was better than being by himself. He just... wish they'd say something. Wish they'd show any sign of being actually THERE. Instead of hiding in the corner of his eyes. Sure, anything was better than the stillness and silence - but they barely even looked like themselves!
Then again, he's been alone in this place for a long while now. Did he... even remember what they were supposed to look like...?
...
"Hahaha! You know what?" Dib beams Zim's signature smile," That's enough thinking for one day. Night? Whatever."
He tries to stand up - but instead flops on his back.
His leg. His right leg. He'd forgotten about that. It burns and feels far lighter then it should be. Which is totally fine. He doesn't dare touch it. He doesn't dare try to touch his right foot either- or notice the smell of blood and burnt flesh in the air. His pak will fix it. It can fix nearly anything. It's fine. This is fine. It's not as bad as it feels. He should have never moved. He should have tried sleeping again instead. He shouldn't have messed with the ONE power source he had - he should've, he should've he should he should
He needs to BREATHE. Right now. Deep breaths. That's what the therapists always said when they wanted him to shut up and listen to them call his experiences 'delusions' for half an hour - but technically that advice IS useful when it comes to stopping his heart from beating out of his chest. He will give the therapists that, and only that.
Or he would, if they weren't all dead, too. Huh.
OKAY so stop think about that, dib, that made breathing HARDER you don't need that! Just- COUNT! Counting! He can do that!
"ONE!" He screams and, giggles instead of continuing to count, because One- that's him! He's Number One! The number ONE Dib! The loneliest dib with the loneliest number! HOW IRONIC IS THAT!?
"HAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAAA"
"HAHAHHAHAHHAAHAHA"
"HAHAHAHAHHAA"
"HAHAhaha"
"Haha ha haheheheh"
"hehha... heh... heh...hic..."
"..."
Dib is scared.
He hates being scared. He wants - no, he needs to be brave right now.
If he gives into fear, he'll die. He doesn't want to die. Sometimes, Sometimes when he is scared, he thinks he does, but he knows he doesn't want that. Not really. He want his home back, despite how terrible and awful and uncaring it is. He doesn't want to want it. It would be easier if he could just... forget about it, but if he forgets them, If he forgets Gaz then... He really would be the worse big brother ever. He's not though. He's not a bad person, he's not a bad brother, he can't be. If he is, then... Then everyone else has to be worse than him, at least.
Especially that other Dib. He just had to figure things out, didn't he? Just had to stick his nose where it doesn't belong.
Just had to be stupid and betray him. Just HAD to help the ZIMS over HIM. As though Zim is a better person then he is - which he's NOT! Dib doesn't steal organs or experiment on people! He just...
He just fails to save them, instead. Worse than that, he doomed them, himself. With his stupid awful laser that burned the armada and then the entire universe.
... The Irken empire is worse than him. Sure - he accidently destroyed everyone - but the Irken empire destroys entire planets on purpose! He's seen the records. He's taken a peek at the vast amount of Irken history in his pak Even if he hadn't- hadn't fired first - the armada would've destroyed his planet for sure! Or enslaved everyone - but he doubts humanity would be 'lucky' enough for that. There is also a fact that the Irken empire loves a good experiment without much care on whether the lab rats agreed to it or not.
Sure, Dib's Dad loved a good experiment too - but he at least allowed people to sign contracts and CHOOSE whether they were gonna donate themselves to SCIENCE or not!!
So! So! Really, he was completely in the right. His dimension being destroyed is only a little his fault, not all of it!! He was working with what he knew! It was one accident - it won't happen again, and if it does, he'll learn what went wrong and DOUBLY make sure it doesn't happen again! Eventually he's gonna get it right! There are infinite chances after all...
...But not infinite right legs. He's still on the ground. Still in pain - but feeling a little better after the laughing fit. They weren't kidding, laughter is the best medicine. Better than crying anyway, he isn't sure he can afford to lose any H2O.
Though... Now that he thinks about it... when's the last time he cried?
...
Eh. Not important. Focus on the Missing Leg first. Then, find a way to escape the void - THEN, he'll conquer the Irken empire! After getting a slushie. He misses slushies.