Chapter Text
Standing in the dim light of the moon peeking through Eddie’s kitchen windows, Buck’s brows furrow as he focuses on the recipe he’s baking. It’s the first time he’s made lemon meringue pie, and he needs it to be perfect so his mother doesn’t chew Maddie’s head off for not having any dessert she likes at Jee-Yun’s birthday party. The thought came to him around midnight, the fact that Maddie probably only had cupcakes planned. She shouldn’t have to worry about what their mother will be expecting, so Buck doesn’t message her, but sends a quick text to Bobby, asking for a recipe. Naturally, he doesn’t question why Buck needs a recipe for lemon pie in the middle of the night, simply sends one over with a few quick tips before wishing him sweet dreams.
Buck has a feeling he won’t be having any dreams tonight.
Not getting any sleep before seeing his parents won’t be ideal, but at least he won’t have to worry about an argument over dessert. One less argument to worry about, one less thing to stress out Maddie is always the goal when it comes to seeing his parents. Honestly, he has no idea why Maddie wanted them to come. Or, well, he supposes he does, she wants to try to mend their relationship. Buck had thought he wanted that too before they ruined everything in the first therapy session of his they attended. Now, Buck is positively sure he never wants to even try fixing their relationship. It’ll only end with him getting hurt, and he doesn’t need that. Not when everything in his life is finally piecing together.
Hands touching his back make Buck jump, but he quickly realizes who it is as they slide to his hips. “Sorry, I thought you heard me,” Eddie whispers into the quiet as Buck resumes whisking the meringue.
“What are you doing up?” Buck asks, reaching for the pie with the lemon already inside so he can add the topping and finally finish making this disgusting dessert. (Seriously, who’s favourite dessert is lemon pie?)
“I was going to ask you the same thing,” Eddie mumbles, leaning his head down so his face is pressing between Buck’s shoulder blades. “It’s almost two in the morning.”
Yikes, Buck honestly hadn’t realized it was so late. Clearing his throat, Buck carefully scrapes the meringue until it’s on top of the pie. “Sorry. Did I wake you?”
Eddie lets out a tired but patient sigh. “No, cariño,” he says softly, wrapping his arms around Buck’s waist. “Woke up on my own. You weren’t there so I came to look for you.” He raises his head, hooking it over Buck’s shoulder to see what he’s making. “Why are you making pie? You don’t like pie.”
“My mother does,” Buck explains, gently pushing Eddie’s arms down so he can grab the pie and put it in the oven. When he closes it and turns away, Eddie wraps himself back around Buck, causing the blond man to chuckle. “So clingy.”
Eddie presses a kiss into Buck’s shoulder. “You’re tense. What’s wrong?” When Buck only swallows, not providing an answer, Eddie hums against his skin. “Cariño?”
“Just, uh, nervous… about seeing my parents,” Buck explains, turning in Eddie’s hold so they’re face to face. He smiles fondly at the brunet man who looks half awake right now, swallowed up in one of Buck’s oversized hoodies. “You’re adorable.”
Narrowing his eyes, Eddie pulls away slightly, arms still locked around Buck’s hips. “I’m not adorable, I’m… terrifying ,” he argues half heartedly, unable to help his grin when that gets a laugh out of his boyfriend. Reaching up, Eddie brushes Buck’s curls from out of his eyes, giving him a look. “Why are you nervous?”
“They don’t know…” Buck trails off, beginning to rub his hands up and down Eddie's arms. “That I’m bi, or that we’re together.”
“Do you want them to know?” Eddie asks, tilting his head.
“I mean, it’s not a secret,” Buck says, letting out a sharp breath. “I just— if they find out, they’ll ruin Jee’s birthday, you know? They’ll make it about all our shit and I… I don’t want to do that to her.”
Eddie grabs Buck’s face with his hands, pulling to close so he can kiss his forehead. “I think we can handle not kissing for one birthday party,” he says, “they won’t have to know, Buck.” He smooths his thumb across Buck’s cheekbone, smiling softly as Buck releases a relieved exhale. “Now, why the pie?”
“I just know my mother will complain if there’s no dessert she likes at Jee’s party,” Buck explains, letting his eyes slip shut to relish in the feeling of Eddie’s hands on his face. “Don’t want Maddie to feel overwhelmed.”
“You’re a good little brother,” Eddie says softly, letting his hands trail down Buck’s shoulders and back to his hips. He slips his fingers under the hem of Buck’s shirt, pausing when Buck shivers. “Sorry, hands are cold.”
Buck puffs out a laugh. “They’re always cold.”
Half smiling, Eddie trails his hands over Buck’s bareback, making his shirt ride up a bit. Buck only tenses a moment, but once Eddie’s hands warm up, his eyes shut again as his boyfriend starts to rub circles into his tense muscles. “Evan,” he whispers, “I know you. I know you’re thinking that I’m upset because you won’t tell your mother and father about me, but I really don’t care. The people that matter know.”
“People that matter?” Buck asks, head dropping to rest against Eddie’s as he sinks into the feeling of his boyfriend's hands.
“Bobby and Athena know,” Eddie clarifies, “they matter. They love you like you’re theirs. All I care about is that they approve.”
Buck’s eyes blink open, cheeks flushing at the implication that Bobby and Athena are his real parents. Sure, he’s always felt so, but he never wanted to push on the matter, much too scared of being rejected. However, hearing Eddie say it makes it feel so much more real.
“How much longer until the pie’s done?” Eddie asks.
“Go to sleep,” Buck replies with a laugh, starting to pull away from Eddie. “You’re tired, you don’t have to wait up with me. I’ll be back in, like, twenty minutes.”
“Mm-mm,” Eddie hums, tightening his hold on Buck. “No way. I’m not leaving.” His hands travel down, resting on Buck’s hip as the other traces the band of his boxers. “There’s plenty we can do in twenty minutes.”
Buck lets out a chuckle. “Is that so?”
Blinking up innocently at Buck, Eddie nods. “It is,” he says, pulling at the band so it snaps against Buck’s skin as he gives him a smile. “Just want you to relax, that’s all.”
Buck’s eyes narrow, but Eddie knows he’s won. “I swear to God, Edmundo Diaz, if that pie burns because you distracted me—”
“Yeah, yeah, we’ll be up another couple hours while you make a new one,” Eddie interrupts, smirking. “I promise, I don’t need any longer than twenty minutes… please?”
Like, fuck, how in the good God is Buck supposed to say no when Eddie asks like that?
Eddie, in fact, does not need more than twenty minutes. And, Buck, in turn, feels much less stressed than he had as he pulls the perfectly crisp lemon meringue pie out of the oven while his boyfriend grins stupidly at him from the ground.
If you told Buck that this would be his life months ago, he would have laughed in your face. The mere idea that he could have something so domestic, so pure, so perfect would have made his head spin. But here it is, now. Awake at two thirty in the morning, his boyfriend wrapping his arms around his waist as he sticks a homemade pie into their fridge. He has everything he dreamed of; Eddie, Christopher, and a house that they all share. And, Buck will be damned if he lets his parents ruin it.
~
The next morning, Buck sleeps in far too late, and is immediately pissed at Eddie for not waking him up sooner as he hurries to hop in the shower. Laughing from where he stands in front of their bathroom mirror, combing his hair, Eddie shakes his head fondly. “You’re a mess, Buckley.”
“And who’s fault is that?” Buck demands as he jumps under the water, cursing when he finds it’s still cold. “Why on earth would you let me sleep in?”
“Because I knew you would be stressed out today,” Eddie says. “I wanted you to get rest.”
“I don’t need rest, I need to be really extra prepared for today.” Buck quickly starts soaping himself up, grimacing when some gets in his eyes from his quick, stressed movements. “Fuck. This is making my anxiety worse, Eds, not better.”
Pushing the shower curtain open, Eddie smirks at Buck. “I got something that could make it better.”
Letting out a laugh, Buck gives Eddie a look. “So, your answer to all my stress involving my parents is to get on your knees?”
“What can I say, it’s my favourite thing to do,” Eddie answers without missing a beat, clearly enjoying the way it makes his boyfriend sputter awkwardly.
“Control yourself, Diaz, we have a big day ahead of us,” Buck says, finally gaining his bearings in time to close the curtain before Eddie gets any ideas and joins him, even though he’s already dressed and ready for the day. They are already running late, no way is Buck giving his parents any more ammunition. “Is Chris out of bed?”
“Woke up before you,” Eddie chirps, chuckling when Buck splashes some water out of the shower at him. “Hey! Not nice.”
As Buck washes off soap from his arm, he eyes a scar that rests just above his elbow, a brief flash from the night he got it flowing in his mind. He wishes he could say he’s over everything his parents put him through, but he’s not sure if he’ll ever be able to move past it. Hell, he can’t even admit to his boyfriend the whole extent of what happened to him in that house once Maddie moved out. (He can barely admit it to himself, to Dr. Copeland.)
Shutting off the water, Buck lets out a shaky exhale before he pushes the curtain open, grabbing his towel to wrap it around his waist. “It’s… it’s just a few hours,” he says quietly, more to himself than Eddie who eyes him worriedly. “Just a few hours and they’ll leave.”
“Evan,” Eddie says carefully, reaching out to smooth Buck’s wet hair back. “We don’t have to go.”
Buck’s eyebrows furrow as he starts to dry himself off. “I’m not missing Jee-Yun’s birthday, Eddie.” He grabs his boxers and tugs them on before looking up at his boyfriend. “She only has one fourth birthday.” ( I’m not letting her be alone with them for even a second , he doesn’t say.)
“I know but…” Eddie trails off, clearly unsure of what to say. Buck has never told him too much about what he endured in that house. However, it’s always been clear that Eddie senses there’s a lot that nobody knows about. Buck would like to keep it that way for as long as possible. Eddie already looks at him with such pity any time he mentions how his parents hate him, or a time they said something fucked up. He can’t even imagine how Eddie would start to look at him if he knew the extent of it… if he knew all the times Buck would end up bleeding on the ground with his father’s trembling fists above him. “Just… if it gets to be too much, tell me. We can leave at any point, and I’m sure Maddie will understand.”
As Buck pulls on his jeans, he leans over to press a chaste kiss to Eddie’s temple. “I will.” He gives him a lopsided smile. “Try not to worry about me, sweetheart. I’m fine, always. Don’t you know that by now?”
Eddie lets out a sigh. “That’s what I’m afraid of,” he whispers, his hand lingering as he touches Buck’s shoulder before he starts to turn. “You finish getting dressed, I’m going to make sure Chris is ready.”
When Buck pulls his shirt over his head, he stares at himself in the mirror for a moment. He’s definitely regretting not telling Maddie not to uninvite them when she asked if it would be okay.
Pulling out his phone, he brings up his chat with Dr. Copeland. She’s always told him to message her if he needs to during the day, and she’ll try to get back to him as soon as possible. The only other time he did message her was when he was having a panic attack while Eddie was at work. He never wanted to annoy her, but he supposes that’s her job.
Everything is fine.
Dr. Copeland
Of course it is. You’re always fine.
Yes
Exactly
But
Dr. Copeland
Yes, Buck?
My parents are in town. They’re going to
be at Jee’s birthday party today.
Dr. Copeland
And, Maddie didn’t run this past you?
Well…
Dr. Copeland
Oh, wait, who am I talking to?
She did run it past you, but you didn’t say
no even though you wanted to?
Ah, you know me too well!
Dr. Copeland
Buck, what have we talked about?
You know, I actually can’t remember a single thing
you’ve ever told me right now. Is that an ADHD
thing?
Dr. Copeland
Yes, Buck.
What have we said about saying no?
It’s overrated.
Dr. Copeland
Buck.
That it’s important to set boundaries even if I’m scared of
what the reaction may be because at the end of the day
my mental wellbeing is important or whatever.
Dr. Copeland
Or whatever?
It is important, end of sentence?
Dr. Copeland
Yes, Buck.
How are you coping with the stress
of your parents' arrival?
I stayed up late baking. Then I spent the rest of
the night researching owls.
ADHD, right?
Dr. Copeland
Yes, Buck.
Have you tried talking to anybody about
how seeing them makes you feel?
Eh, not so much.
But I’m pretty sure Eddie already knows.
Dr. Copeland
How can you tell?
He keeps telling me that we don’t have to go
and that we can leave and stuff.
Dr. Copeland
Alright, then I seriously recommend you take
him up on that offer if seeing them becomes
too much.
And if you need to schedule an emergency
appointment, please let me know.
I’m in the office all day today catching up
on paperwork, so if you need to call or text
me, I should answer right away.
Will do, boss.
Dr. Copeland
Buck.
Yeah no, for real, I’ll message you.
Dr. Copeland
I’m holding you to that, Buck. If I don’t
get a message from you, I’ll be calling.
You really don’t have to call me, I swear.
Dr. Copeland
I didn’t say I’d call you. It’ll be one of your
emergency contacts.
Do not call Bobby or Eddie. I’ll text you.
I will. Really. I’m so trustworthy.
Dr. Copeland
It’ll be Athena that I call.
OKAY I PROMISE I’LL CALL YOU
Dr. Copeland
Have a good day, Buck.
You too, Doc.
Blowing out a sharp breath, Buck slides his phone back into his pocket, feeling a little more at ease after Dr. Copeland reassured him that he could reach out to her. He knows that she probably wouldn't actually contact his family, that she just knows him too well and that he will hesitate to reach out if he needs to. Still, he would really like to avoid the Disappointed Athena Stare today if he could. He’ll be getting enough of that from his parents today.
Running a hand through his damp hair to push it out of his face, Buck nods to himself a little before exiting the bathroom and heading into the kitchen. He smiles when he finds both his boys already dressed and prepared to go. “My, my, the Diaz boys are looking handsome today,” he comments, catching both their attention.
Chris lets out a puff of air that blows his curls out of his face before he turns back to his video game as Eddie smiles at Buck. “You don’t look bad yourself,” Eddie comments, ignoring his son when he groans. For good measure, he pulls Buck against him, and plants a kiss on his lips.
“Can you guys stop!” Chris exclaims. “We’re going to be late.”
Laughing, Buck is the one that pulls away, heading over to the fridge to grab the pie he made. “You guys have everything we need?”
“Got the juice boxes and extra balloons Maddie asked for,” Eddie says, picking up the bag full of supplies and pulling it over his shoulder. “She also sent me a strongly worded text about how she would… get away with my murder if I make us late. So, I’m guessing your parents have arrived.”
Pressing his lips into a firm line, Buck nods. “We better get going then.” He holds the pie in one hand as he picks up Chris’ crutches with the other. “And, don’t be afraid to speed.”
~
The anxiety Buck feels gets even worse when they pull up to Chimney and Maddie’s house and his parents car is already parked out front. He wishes he told Maddie not to invite them, he also wishes he made Eddie and Chris stay home. After all, they haven’t met Chris before, and only briefly met Eddie. Buck’s not sure he could ever forgive himself if his parents hurt either of them in any way.
Eddie puts the car into park, and looks over at Buck with a frown. “Ready?” he asks quietly, putting his hand on Buck’s wrist.
He hadn’t noticed his hands shaking until that moment, glancing down at the pie in his lap. “Yeah, I’m ready,” he says, unbuckling his seatbelt. “Let's get this over with.”
The three boys make their way to the house, opening the door without knocking. They find Maddie in the kitchen, stress chopping up vegetables so fast that it concerns Buck. He places the pie down on the counter, exchanging a glance with Eddie before he reaches for the knife to take it out of her hand.
Maddie startles a bit, but relaxes when she sees her baby brother. “Buck, thank God,” she says, wrapping her arms around him. “Save me.”
Giving a light laugh, Buck gives her a one armed hug back before pulling away so he can get to cutting the vegetables. “That bad, huh?”
“You have no idea,” Maddie grumbles, leaning into his side. “I really don’t know how I’m going to last all weekend.”
Buck tenses as he places the food on a plate, clearing his throat. “They’re— They're staying all weekend?” he asks, ignoring the way Eddie glances at him with concern when his voice shakes, pausing his movements of putting juice boxes in the fridge. “Um, where are they staying?”
“Here,” Maddie says with a sigh. “Unfortunately. Couldn’t really argue when mother pointed out they helped us pay for the place.”
“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” Buck frowns when Maddie and Eddie look at each other now, clearly both concerned. “I just— you know how they are. Do you really want all that negative energy around Jee-Yun?”
Maddie grabs the knife from Buck now that his job’s done and tosses it into the sink. “Well, no, I don’t,” she agrees, “but they love her, so I figured it couldn’t hurt. Her, at least. I’m not so sure about my mental health or pride.” She laughs when Buck gives her a long look. “I’m kidding, Evan, it’ll be okay. Don’t worry.”
With that, Maddie picks up the tray of vegetables and carries it to the backyard where they’ve set this event up. Letting out a breath, Buck reaches into his pocket and pulls out his phone as Eddie continues putting the juice away. He pulls up his messages with Dr. Copeland, hesitating only for a moment before he begins typing.
My parents are staying the whole weekend.
Dr. Copeland
Does that worry you?
Yes.
Dr. Copeland
How come?
I don’t want them to be alone with Jee-Yun.
Dr. Copeland
What are you afraid could happen if they
are alone with her?
Clenching his jaw, Buck stares at Dr. Copeland’s message for a while before finally giving up, and shoving his phone back into his pocket. So many things could go wrong if Jee-Yun is alone with his parents, Dr. Copeland should understand that by now. It’s times like these that he hates that his therapist can’t just read his mind, get why this is so serious, and help him figure out a way to trick Maddie into kicking them out. (Though, he has a feeling Dr. Copeland would not encourage him tricking people into doing things.)
“You okay, cariño?” Eddie asks softly, closing the fridge and walking over to Buck. “Who are you messaging?”
“No one, I’m fine,” Buck lies, glancing at Chris who is clearly listening to their conversation. The last thing he wants to do is worry his kid. (Eddie’s kid, not his. Eddie’s.) “Just checking my schedule for next week. Stupid ADHD, makes me forget.”
“Not stupid,” Eddie tells him, frowning.
“Hey, loverboys,” Chimney greets, entering the kitchen with a grin. He spots Chris and his smile brightens. “Jee has been waiting for you, kid! You can head out back, she’s playing with Bobby and Denny right now.”
Chris looks over at Buck, not Eddie, Buck for permission and it makes the blond man sputter for a moment. (It’s probably just because it’s your sister's house, don’t read into it, don’t get your hopes up.) “Go ahead, buddy,” Buck says, “we’ll be out there in a second.”
Once Chris is out the back door, Chimney’s smile falls. “I think today might just be the end of me,” he confesses.
Eddie laughs, holding out his bag. “We come bearing balloons.”
“Eddie, I would kiss you if it wouldn’t make your boyfriend jealous.” When Buck raises an eyebrow at Chimney, the older man laughs. “Not jealous of me, of Eddie, for experiencing a Han kiss. I’ve heard they’re magnificent.”
“Great visual,” Buck says, wrinkling his nose as Maddie joins them again.
“Chim, could you not talk to my brother about our relationship?” She gives him a look to which he simply salutes her before heading back outside to get back to decorating. Maddie starts to clean up the counter when she notices the pie Buck brought for the first time. “Lemon meringue pie?”
Buck nods, smiling. “Mother's favourite.”
Madie pulls Buck into a hug, kissing him on the cheek. “I love you, don’t ever leave.”
Laughing, Buck gives her back a pat as they pull away. “I love you too.”
As the three of them head outside, Buck holds his breath, pointedly not looking over at his parents where they stand chatting with Athena. The woman looks unhappy to say the least that she’s trapped in a conversation with them considering her husband is busy playing with the kids, but things seem to be at least civil.
When Jee-Yun spots Buck, however, she stops tackling Bobby and races over to him. It catches his parents and Bobby and Athena’s attention. Jee-Yun launches herself in the air, full faith that Buck will catch her. And, he does, pulling her into his arms and against his chest as she giggles in delight. “Happy birthday, my favorite girl in the whole world!” Buck exclaims, kissing her cheek. “Do you have any idea how much I love you?”
Jee-Yun holds her arms out wide. “This much?”
“More!” Buck tells her, smiling when she continues to laugh. “You having a good day?”
“The best,” she confirms, wrapping her arms around his neck. “I missed you, Uncle Buck.”
“Oh, I missed you too,” he tells her, side eyeing his parents when he sees them advancing out of the corner of his eye. “How does it feel to be four?”
Jee-Yun considers this question momentarily, tapping her chin in a way that makes Buck chuckle. “The same,” she settles on.
“Fair enough,” Buck says with a nod, finally putting her back down on the ground. “Go play with Grandpa Bobby, I’ll come see you in a second.”
“Okay, Uncle Buck!” Jee-Yun yells, quickly turning to run back over to Bobby. “Grandpa Bobby, catch me!”
With a fond smile, Buck watches as Bobby’s face lights up at the title, the same shine in his eyes the first time he was called that appearing as he wraps Jee-Yun into his arms, Athena joining them. Buck will always trust those two with Jee-Yun. They’re the grandparents she deserves.
“Evan,” his mother begins, eyeing Eddie who is still standing right beside him. “It’s nice to see you.”
“You too,” Buck says, nodding at Eddie. “You remember Eddie, right? From my work?”
His father nods. “Yes, of course.” Phillip nods at Chris who’s made his way over to Bobby, Athena, Denny and Jee-Yun. “He yours?”
“He is,” Eddie confirms with a proud smile that makes butterflies flutter in Buck’s stomach, ever so briefly. “Christopher. He’s thirteen.”
Margaret frowns, looking Buck up and down. “A dangerous age for a boy.”
“Only if you don’t watch him closely,” Buck chirps, wincing when that earns a hardened glare from his father.
“Evan, don’t you dare blame us for—”
“Alright, let's go get something to drink,” Eddie suggests, smiling at Buck. “I think Bobby and Athena brought soda.”
Nodding, Bucks follows after Eddie, glad to have an excuse to go talk to the people he views as his true parents, even if they don’t see him the same. Bobby has Jee-Yun balanced on his lap with Chris at his side, while Athena stands next to a cooler.
Athena pulls Buck in for a side hug. “Hi, Buck, how are you doing?”
“Fine,” he says, taking the soda Eddie hands to him. “I’m doing fine.”
“Mmhmm,” Athena hums, exchanging a glance with Eddie. “Well, just let me know if your parents try to start something.”
“Will do, Sergeant Grant-Nash,” Buck replies, smiling at her. “But, seriously, it’s fine. I’ll be fine.”
Buck misses the look the three of them exchange as he glances over to where his father stands, watching Jee-Yun with Bobby. He seems jealous, and it makes the knot in Buck’s gut grow. He puts his drink down, not thirsty any more as he pulls out his phone.
I’m worried they will hurt her.
Dr. Copeland
You’re worried your parents might hurt Jee-Yun?
Yes.
More my father, but yes.
Dr. Copeland
Hurt her, how, Buck?
Buck’s fingers hover over the screen, letting out a shaky breath. He’s about to type the honest truth; I don’t know. But, when Eddie peaks over his shoulder, he shuts his phone off and slides it back into his pocket.
With a frown, Eddie wraps an arm around Buck’s waist. “How come you’re messaging Dr. Copeland? Is everything okay?”
“Just figuring out my next appointment details, that's all,” Buck lies, not daring to look Eddie in the eyes in case he does something stupid like cry or beg him to make his parents leave. He’s a grown up, he can handle this.
“Alright,” Eddie murmurs, almost kissing Buck’s cheek before he remembers that Phillip and Margaret are watching them. He drops his hand from Buck’s waist and takes a step away from his boyfriend.
Buck misses his warmth so bad his chest aches.
~
While Eddie holds and feeds the birthday girl to give her parents a break, Buck helps Chris get his dinner. Though Bobby prepared a wide selection for the night, Christopher wants nothing to do with any of the vegetables, only wanting to have a burger. He can be persuasive, but Buck has learned how to not cave.
“Chris, you gotta have at least some carrots,” Buck says with a fond smile when Chris rolls his eyes. “Come on. Carrots or peas. Take your pick.”
“Um,” Chris says, pretending to think before giving Buck a blank look. “Neither.”
“Not an option, kiddo,” Buck informs him, “seriously, carrots or—”
“For Godsakes, Evan.” Phillip’s voice has everyone's attention snapping to Buck and Christopher, effectively making the older man's cheeks flush. “You’re not his father, leave the kid alone.”
Margaret is nodding with a frown. “Honestly, it isn’t your place.”
Buck opens and closes his mouth, unsure of what to say. Luckily, his boyfriend comes to save the day from where he sits, bouncing Jee-Yun on his lap. “Yeah, no, they’re alright,” Eddie says, “If I had a problem with how he spoke to my son, I’d say something. But, I don’t have a problem with it, so thank you, but they’re good, we’re good.”
Dead staring Phillip and Margaret Buckley, Chris picks up the spoon and scoops extra peas and carrots onto his plate. The two watch in a mixture of awe and concern before they both decide to sit down without another comment. Honestly, this is the best way to get Chris to eat his vegetables Buck has seen yet, he almost wants to hire his parents full time. Almost.
Buck takes a seat next to Eddie, Chris on his other side before he begins to eat. Maddie and Chimney sit across from them, and Buck sees a fond look pass between them as they watch the men with their kid and Jee-Yun.
It isn’t until dessert that Buck finally snaps. Honestly, it feels anticlimactic when he does. It’s not as though there was much build up.
Eddie still has Jee-Yun on his knee, though he clearly wants to get some dessert of his own. (Most likely a cupcake considering Phillip and Margaret are the only ones eating the pie.) He eyes Chimney and Maddie who are still eating, then looks around the table. “Anyone looking to get some extra Jee time?” he asks, eyeing Jee who’s half asleep on his shoulder. “I don’t want to hog all her time today.”
“I wouldn’t mind holding the birthday girl for a bit,” Phillip says, smiling in a way that makes Buck feel like ice water has been poured down his back.
“No.” It shocks everyone into silence. Even Hen and Karen who were all the way on the other side of the lawn, playing with Denny who still had an insane amount of energy despite it getting late. “I can hold her.”
“Don’t be ridiculous, you’re eating,” Phillip says, “and I would like some time with her.”
“Well, she doesn’t need to be held,” Buck points out, wringing his hands together as everyone looks at him with concern (minus the Buckley parents). “She’s four. She can go play or something while we sit.”
Jee tightens her hold on Eddie’s collar. “Too tired to play,” she mumbles.
Margaret folds her arms across her chest. “Well, now can your father hold her? Honestly, Evan, she’s not your child.”
“Why don’t we just let her rest?” Buck demands, looking at Eddie with wide eyes. “Just let her rest.”
“Buck, are you okay?” Chimney asks carefully where he holds Maddie’s hand.
“I just—” Buck cuts himself off, standing up and giving a shrug. “I just don’t think he should hold her.”
Phillip stands now, eyes narrowed. “And, why the hell not, Evan?”
Letting out a sharp breath, Buck clenches his fists at his sides. “I don’t trust you.” He’s going to hurt her, just like he hurt Buck. And, he refuses to let her go through pain like that.
“Buck,” Eddie whispers, reaching out to take Buck’s hand. “Maybe we should—”
“I’m not going anywhere as long as they’re around,” Buck snaps, pulling his hand away from Eddie’s. “I’m not leaving you alone with Jee. I’m not even going to let you touch her. There’s no way in hell I’ll ever let you hurt her. She doesn’t deserve it.”
“Well you got everything you deserved!” Phillips shouts, fist hitting the table and making the plates clatter loudly. His chest heaves as he raises a shaking finger to point at Buck. “She hasn’t failed us like you did!”
“What the hell does that mean?” Maddie demands, standing up from her seat now as she looks between them. “What did you do to him?”
Chimney is quick to round the table, taking Jee out of Eddie’s arms to bring her away from the fighting. “Okay, Jee, time to visit your cousin Denny.” He nods at Chris. “You too, Chris, it’s adult time, right now.”
Reluctantly, Chris follows Chimney to join the kids.
Maddie looks over at Buck, anguish clear in her eyes. “Evan, what— what happened? Please, tell me.”
Tears flood Buck’s eyes and he looks down at his hands, Eddie’s hand on his back a reassuring presence. “I didn’t know how… I don’t know how…” he trails off. “Everything was happening with Doug and I—”
“Don’t you tell her any lies, Evan!” Margaret shouts, standing up to support her husband. “You know how you made our lives a living hell!”
“I’m afraid it’s time for you to leave,” Athena says, pushing herself out of her chair and gesturing towards the house. “And, I would listen to me if I were you. I am a sergeant after all.”
“The hell we—”
“ Go ,” Maddie interrupts with a glare so deathly Buck is surprised his parents don’t turn to stone under the force of it.
“Alright, she’s asked you nicely to leave,” Athena states calmly approaching them and clearly intending to walk them out herself. “If you do not go, I’ll charge you with trespassing.” As Buck watches all the fight leave his parents' eyes, he feels a sense of relief, knowing they won’t be staying with Jee tonight. At least he got her away from them.
Buck leans into Eddie as they all watch Athena lead them into the house, reaching up to grab a handful of his boyfriend’s shirt sleeve. “I, uh…” Buck trails off, looking around at all the hurt and confused expressions from the 118. It’s overwhelming. “I just— I have to go to the bathroom—”
With that, he turns to rush away from his family, and bursts into the house. When he finds the bathroom, he locks himself inside like he had many times throughout childhood. Sinking down on the floor beside the toilet, Buck pulls out his phone, and this time he calls Dr Copeland.
“Buck?”
“Hi,” he whispers, wiping at the tears he finally notices racing down his cheeks. “My parents left.”
“They’re not staying the weekend?”
Buck lets out a laugh that sounds fake even to his own ears. “Not anymore, I don’t think.” He sniffles. “Did what I do best. Chased them off.”
“What happened, Buck?”
“It— it was stupid,” he begins, “and before you say it, I know I’m not supposed to call myself that, but that’s how I feel right now. And, you said all my feelings were valid, so that's how I feel. Stupid. And like I made Jee-Yun’s whole birthday about me and what my father did to me.”
“What did he do?”
“He…” Buck takes in a shuddering breath. “When Maddie left, when she moved in with Doug he would… sometimes he would get so angry that he would… hit me. It— I didn’t think it was that big of a deal. But, it… it just got worse as I got older. And ever since I left I just… I haven’t let myself think about it because… thinking about it, talking about it, it makes it real.”
“Buck, it’s real no matter what,” Dr. Copeland says, “the only difference is that if you don’t talk about it, you can’t heal from what happened. It’s like ignoring a broken arm. It doesn’t make the pain go away, doesn’t fix it, it only makes it fester and heal incorrectly. But, if you treat the arm, tell others you’re hurting, you can start to heal properly.”
Buck wipes his nose with the back of his hand. “I just never wanted any of them to look at me differently. Especially not Eddie. I think… I think he pities me.”
“Does he pity you or does he love you?” Dr. Copeland asks. “Does he pity you or is he concerned for your well being? I know you have a hard time telling the difference.”
“I’ll, uh, I’ll have to get back to you on that one,” Buck says with a short laugh. “I should probably get back out there before I scare them all.”
“I’m here if you need to talk,” Dr. Copeland tells him, “and I think we should move your appointment to tomorrow instead of next week, does that work for you?”
Buck purses his lips to the side. “Uh, yeah, I think that’s a good idea.”
“Talk to you soon, Buck.”
Just then there’s a knock at the door. “Cariño?”
Buck almost starts sobbing then and there. Shakily, he stands up and unlocks the door. He takes a step back before saying, “Come in.”
When the door creaks open, Eddie takes a peek inside, looking wary. “Hey,” he greets softly. “I just— I wanted to tell you that no one is expecting you to explain anything to us. We— from what your— from what he said, we can guess what it means. I’m just saying you don’t have to tell us anything, if you don’t want to. We can just go home.”
“I, uh, I think I’d like to say just a little bit,” Buck says, shoving his hands into his pockets. “Not because I have to but I want to explain.”
“Alright.” Eddie reaches out his hand, smiling gratefully when Buck takes it. “They’re in the living room. Kids are upstairs playing.”
Upon entering the living room, everyone’s pinched and concerned glances turn towards the two men. (God, this is not going to be easy.) Letting out a breath, Buck takes a step closer, keeping his hand locked with Eddie’s. “Hey, guys, sorry about all that,” Buck says awkwardly.
“You have nothing to apologize for,” Athena states, sitting next to Bobby with his hand in her.
“Yeah, well, I wanted to explain a little bit,” Buck begins, swallowing thickly. “My father, he… after Maddie left… he didn’t treat me very well. Not that he ever really did. But, it got worse. I’m not sure why, maybe because as I got older I got more reckless and st— impulsive. He… he would hurt me. Sometimes. Um… physically, I mean. It never— it wasn’t ever really bad—”
“Any abuse is bad,” Maddie interrupts, tears filling her eyes. “God, Evan, I'm so sorry. I can’t believe I missed this.”
“You had a lot going on,” Buck says quietly. There’s an awkward stretch where no one says anything before he clears his throat. “Anyways, um, I sort of just want to go home now. Sorry for ruining the party. And, uh, I might need a few days off, Cap.”
“Of course,” Bobby says.
“And, you didn’t ruin anything,” Chimney adds, “your parents did that.”
Hen takes Karen’s hand and smiles supportively up at Buck. “We’re here if you need us,” she says, “we’ll help you through this. Whatever you need.”
Buck starts to nod slowly. “Thanks, guys. Uh, I’m not sure it makes much sense but… it doesn’t even feel real right now. I think… I think I’m in a little bit of shock…”
“It does make sense,” Maddie says firmly, understanding reflecting in her eyes as she stands to grab his hand. “I’m here when you’re ready to talk.”
They all say their goodbyes, and with that Eddie, Christopher and Buck are on their way. Buck wishes he was anyone else on the planet right now but himself.
~
The numbness he feels doesn’t go away until he’s at home, standing in the kitchen. Eddie has just walked Christopher to his room, and Buck cannot for the life of him stop staring at the empty pie dish he brought home. His parents had finished the pie (with the help of a few other people who wanted to try Buck’s baking).
“I guess I owe you an explanation,” Buck says, jaw clenching as he grabs the dish and places it into the sink.
“You don’t owe me anything,” Eddie replies softly, leaning against the kitchen counter. “I meant what I said before, if you’re not ready to talk about it, we don’t have to. I’ll wait for you to be ready, if that day ever comes.”
Buck nods, still not meeting his boyfriend’s eye. “And if that day doesn’t come?”
“I’ll still be here,” Eddie promises, reaching out to place a hand on Buck’s arm. He gives it a squeeze. “But, baby, the day will come. I promise you. One day, it won’t be this hard. You just have to… work through it. It’ll get better.”
“I hope so,” Buck whispers.
~
“Where would you like to start?”
Buck wrings his hand together in his lap, unable to meet Dr. Copeland’s gaze. “I don’t know.” That’s something he’s often said in this room, in response to so many different questions. How are you? How did that make you feel? What do you think that means? What would you like to talk about? The answer is usually always the same.
“Alright, how about starting with this first time it happened?” Dr. Copeland suggests. “Does that feel like a comfortable place to start?”
Nodding, Buck tries to blink away the tears that rush into his eyes at the memory, but they end up falling instead. He takes a shaky breath, trying to calm himself. He’s safe here, he knows that. “When I was thirteen, a while after Maddie had left,” he begins, “there was this one night. It started off normal. Nothing to ride home about. After dinner, my parents would always watch TV together, but they didn’t ever invite me to join. I wasn’t tired though, so I asked them if I could watch a movie with them. My father got mad, I’m not sure why. I think he had been drinking and maybe… I don’t know, maybe me asking to watch a movie with them reminded him of Daniel or something.”
“That doesn’t make what happened your fault,” Dr. Copeland informs him, raising her hand as she speaks to pause Buck, then motioning for him to continue once she’s finished.
“Yeah, uh, yeah,” he agrees lamely, sniffling. “Anyway, I kept pushing. I didn’t get why we couldn’t do things together like normal families do. And, uh… he said he didn’t want to spend time with a good for nothing waste of space. I started crying and… he slapped me. It was only once the, uh, the f-first time. But, it just escalated over time.”
They talk more for a while, Dr. Copeland asks Buck to share more if he would like, and he does, crying through most of the stories. It never felt real, after he moved to LA, it was as though he became a different person. Dr. Copeland says he was repressing the memories, trying not to think about them so he wouldn’t have to go through the process of healing. Now that he is allowing himself to remember all the trauma he endured, however, he can finally begin the process of healing.
“Have you talked to anyone about this yet?” Dr. Copeland asks when they get near the end of their session. “Your captain, your sister or your boyfriend?”
“I talked to them all, a little bit,” Buck says, scratching the back of his neck. “Honestly, I don’t really know how to approach the subject, it's just so… complicated.”
“Well, there’s no rule saying you have to give them all the details of the abuse,” Dr. Copeland says, “However you might find it helpful to open up a little, maybe just explain how it made you feel, or how it affects your day to day life now.”
Buck tilts his head. “You think it affects my life now?”
“You’ve certainly shown some behaviours that may— or may not— be linked to your history with your parents,” Dr. Copeland begins, sitting forward. “For example, Buck 1.0, as you refer to him, was during your days of using sex as a coping mechanism. Obviously, we’ve discussed how your hypersexuality is connected to ADHD, but it can also be linked to the abuse, as sex is often also used as a coping mechanism — an unhealthy one at that — for trauma.”
Swallowing thickly, Buck starts to nod. “Oh.” That’s also something he’s said quite often in this office; oh. Usually after Dr. Copeland explains why a behaviour of his he always thought of as stupid, immature or destructive is actually linked to something further underneath the surface of his mind and isn’t usually his fault. “Yeah, that, uh… that makes sense, I guess. Especially since… I don’t know, a lot of the time I used sex as an escape. If that… makes sense.”
“It does,” Dr. Copeland replies, glancing at her watch. “We have a couple minutes left, is there anything else you would like to discuss?”
“No, um,” Buck says, shaking his head, “I’m okay.”
Dr. Copeland eyes Buck warily. “Do you have someone driving you home?”
“Yeah, Maddie is picking me up,” Buck confirms, “I didn’t think it would be such a good idea to drive myself considering the, uh, topic.”
“That’s very mature of you,” Dr. Copeland says with a small smile, clearly proud of the progress Buck has made. “Have a good night, Buck.”
“Yeah, you too.” Buck stands, giving her his signature smile and saying what he always does on his way out of the office. (Something Dr. Copeland always frowns at, though over time she has accepted he will never stop saying.) “Hope I didn’t depress you too much.”
~
“How was your session?” Eddie asks Buck over dinner. (They’re having spaghetti, and Buck cooked. Obviously.)
“It was good,” Buck answers, smiling over at Chris who is quickly eating his dinner. “I’m glad I went today instead of waiting until next week.”
Eddie hums in approval, picking up his empty plate to bring it to the dishwasher. After rinsing it off, he slides it into the bottom rack, passing Buck and pressing a brief kiss to the top of his head. “Thank you for dinner, mi amor.”
“Of course, I love cooking for my Diaz boys,” Buck replies, reaching out to squeeze Chris’ shoulder.
When Chris places his fork down and reaches out for his glass of water, his hand misses, and he ends up knocking the glass over the edge. Buck jumps to catch it, but it slips out of his hands, and hits the ground.
SMASH.
“You good for nothing piece of shit!” Philip screams, standing from the dinner table. He grabs Buck by his collar and pulls him out of his chair. “You can’t even hold a fucking glass properly? You’re fourteen years old God damnit!”
“I-I’m sorry,” Buck stammers out, tears blurring his vision. “I didn’t— I didn’t mean to.”
“Oh great, now you’re crying,” Philip taunts, “I’ll give you something to cry about!”
“Christopher,” Eddie’s voice cuts in through Buck’s thoughts, causing the blond man to blink rapidly as he’s brought back to the present moment. “This is why you can’t leave the glass so close to the edge.”
Chris frowns, clearly feeling guilty. “Sorry, Dad. I forgot.”
Eddie lets out a sigh, standing from his seat so fast that Buck leans back in his, a spark of fear shooting through him. “I know, but you really got to—”
“It’s not a big deal,” Buck cuts in, hands clenched at his sides. Both Diaz boys turn to look at him, clearly not expecting his sudden proclamation. “It’s just a glass.”
“Yeah, I know that but—”
“Chris, go to your room,” Buck says, plastering on a fake smile for the boy. “It's getting late. I’ll be there in a second to say goodnight.”
Glancing between the two men, Chris nods. “Alright, Bucky,” he says quietly, reaching for his crutches.
The two men watch him walk away in silence, not turning back to one another until the door is shut.
Eddie looks Buck up and down, brows pinched. “You going to tell me what that was about?” he asks.
“What were you gonna do?” Buck demands, standing up from his seat so he won’t feel quite so small under Eddie’s gaze. He finds it doesn’t work. “You gonna punish him for knocking over a glass?”
“What? Of course not,” Eddie replies, shaking his head in confusion. “Look, I’m going to go say goodnight to him, we can continue this—”
“No, you can’t go see him,” Buck snaps.
Blinking rapidly, Eddie tilts his head. “He’s my son, Buck.”
You’re my son, I can punish you how I see fit! “No you can’t— you can’t punish him, you can’t—” You’re worthless. You deserve every ounce of pain you get. “He-He doesn’t deserve to be hurt.”
“Hurt?” Eddie’s eyes become sad. “You think I’m going to hurt my son, Buck?”
Sniffling, Buck wipes at his face as he finds tears beginning to trickle down. He starts shaking his head, God he feels so confused. “I don’t— I don’t know— I don’t— I’m sorry... I don’t know what’s h-happening.”
“It’s alright, cariño, just breathe,” Eddie says, voice laced with concern and something a little more understanding now. Buck hates how easy Eddie reads him now. He takes a few steps closer. “Can I touch you?” Buck nods, and Eddie immediately places a hand on his lower back, pulling him close. “This has been a hard couple days. And… well, I’m assuming this is bringing up some bad memories for you, huh?”
Letting out a choked sob, Buck nods again. “I’m so sorry. God, I’m so fucking stupid. I’m sorry. I shouldn't have implied that—”
“Hey, hey, none of that,” Eddie shushes him, one of his hands threading through Buck’s hair as he hugs him. “You’re not stupid. You’re a human being going through something difficult… Do you wanna talk about it?”
Sniffling, Buck thinks it over. He does want to talk about it, but he has no idea how. “I don’t think I can… not right now.”
Eddie nods. “Alright, well I’m here to listen whenever you’re ready.”
And, one day, Buck thinks he will be. Because everyone knows what happened to him, and they didn’t leave. They all stayed and supported him. Loved him anyway.