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Buck couldn’t help but stare at Eddie and Christopher with a little bit of envy. At first, it felt like gazing at the stars, warm, peaceful, and breathtakingly beautiful. Then, a pang of jealousy struck him through the heart, so sudden that the smile dropped from his face in seconds. He missed Abby, missed getting to hold her, missed having somebody to be with after a hard shift. Buck isn’t completely sure when he started getting used to that feeling, but somewhere along the way, he got dependent on it. And, Buck hates himself for it. It used to be easy for him to brush off the feelings, distract himself with sex with someone he’s never met. However, he doesn’t want to be that guy anymore, especially not when he and Abby never officially ended things. Abby told him to wait, and he promised he would. He would wait for her forever, because he’s not one to break a promise. His fear, though, is that Abby may break her half of the promise, and never come back. When she first left, it felt impossible, but as time has gone on, it feels more and more likely.
The father-son duo says their goodbyes, Buck can see Eddie shaking the hands of some woman inside the building, before they’re heading out the doors. Eddie’s car is in the shop right now, so he had taken the bus to work. Considering the earthquakes did so much damage, Buck’s pretty sure the buses won’t be up and running for another few days. It’s not often they see a 7.1 earthquake.
When they got to the firestation, Buck immediately volunteered to drive Eddie to his son without a single hesitation. It’s not like there was really anyone he needed to get home to. Maddie will still have a few hours left in her shift, and by that time, it’ll be too late for them to have dinner together. After the day Buck has had, he’s a little upset he won’t have at least her to hug and talk to, but he knows it’s for the best. Maddie needs to find her way in this job, she can’t have Buck distracting her from that on her first day. Still, the idea of being alone almost makes him want to hurl.
The door for the backseat opens up first, effectively startling Buck out of his depressing thoughts, as Eddie helps his son into his jeep. After buckling Christopher and giving him a kiss — Buck noticed him continuously squeezing Christopher’s arm and kissing his head as they were headed to the car, like he can’t believe he’s real — before closing the door. There’s only a beat of silence before Eddie hops into the car on the other side.
Pulling his seatbelt over his lap, once it clicks, Eddie smiles back at his son. “Christopher, this is Buck, he and I work together,” he explains to the boy. “Buck, this is my son Christopher.”
“Nice to meet you, Christopher,” Buck says as he pulls off from the curb. He briefly peeks down at his phone, making sure he’s going the right way to Eddie’s house. “I hope today wasn’t too scary.”
“It was fun,” Christopher says, smiling brightly as he clasps his hands together in his lap. “We were just drawing and playing games all day!” That makes Buck and Eddie share a smile. Kids are so incredibly resilient, it’s something Buck noticed right away working this job. Christopher tilts his head at Buck. “Your name is Buck? Like a deer?”
Letting out a startled chuckle, Buck nods. “Sorta,” he replies, “my real first name is Evan, and my last name is Buckley. When I was in school to be a firefighter, there were a lot of guys with the same name as me, so I started going by Buck.”
“Hm,” Eddie hums, still smiling at Buck in a way that makes the blond man shift awkwardly in his seat and clear his throat. “The more you know.” When Buck raises an eyebrow at him, Eddie just shrugs, finally looking out the front window. “I was wondering why they just called you Buck. Didn’t really sound like a first name, then I saw Buckley on your turnouts, and figured it was a nickname. I couldn’t really figure out a way to bring it up naturally.”
“Oh, well, I’m an open book,” Buck says, taking a turn before he glances back at Eddie. “You can ask me anything. Though, I would be cautious, I’m told I tend to overshare. Especially if you get me rambling.”
Eddie laughs. “Noted.”
“Why do you have a weird mark on your face?” Christopher asks suddenly and for a moment Buck forgot he was back there.
The question makes more unexpected laughter bubble out of Buck as Eddie lets out a groan. “Christopher Diaz, that’s not how you ask someone a question about themselves,” he chides, turning around in his seat to look at his son properly. “You have to be polite or you might make someone feel bad.”
“Like when people always ask what’s wrong with me?” Christopher’s question makes Buck frown, laughter cutting out.
Eddie nods. “Like that,” he agrees.
After a moment of reflection, Christopher speaks up again. “Buck?”
“Yeah, little man?” Buck asks, barely suppressing his grin as he watches the kid in the rearview mirror, struggling to find a way to ask Buck nicely about his birthmark.
“What’s the red mark on your eye?” Christopher asks, glancing at his father for approval and grinning when Eddie nods.
As Buck turns onto Eddie and Christopher’s street, he feels the sadness crawling its way back up his chest. Soon, he’ll be driving away from this father and son, away from their laughter, and away from the connection with other human beings. “It’s a birthmark,” Buck answers, smiling kindly at Christopher before looking back at the road ahead of him. “Some people are just born with them. It can be anywhere on your body and mine ended up being on my face. Sometimes people are born with a birthmark and it fades away, but mine never did.”
“It’s pretty,” Christopher decides after a moment of scrutinizing it. “I wish I had a birthmark.”
“Oh, mijo, it is pretty, but you are already handsome without one,” Eddie tells his son, clearly unaware of the way Buck’s heart jumps at the implication that he too finds Buck’s birthmark pretty. The only person who’s ever said anything nice about it was Maddie. When she would kiss Buck goodnight, she would always kiss right over the birthmark, especially after some kids at school started poking fun at him for it.
Pulling up into their driveway, Buck puts his car in park, and then claps his hands together. “Well, this is where I leave you,” he says, smiling back at Christopher. “It was nice to meet you, Christopher.”
“Your sister waiting on you?” Eddie asks as he undoes his seatbelt and grabs his bag from off the ground.
“Oh, uh, no actually,” Buck replies, one hand resting against the steering wheel as he uses his other shoulder to shrug weakly. “She doesn’t get off work for a few more hours.”
Pausing halfway out the door, Eddie looks back at Buck with a frown. “So, you’re going home alone?” When Buck nods, Eddie starts shaking his head, stepping the rest of the way out the passengers side door. “Nope, you’re coming inside.” He closes the door before Buck has the chance to reply.
Opening up the back door, Eddie leans in to help Christopher out. “It’s really okay, Eddie,” Buck says, turning to look back at him. “I won’t be alone for long. Besides, you guys just moved in.”
After Eddie has made sure Christopher is balanced on his crutches, he shuts the door. For a moment, Buck thinks Eddie is going to walk away, accepting Buck’s weak excuse. However, he rounds the side of the car as his son heads towards the front door of their house and opens up Buck’s door.
Blinkingly rapidly at Eddie, Buck smiles faintly, feeling a little confused. “Well,” Eddie says impatiently, “don’t make me drag you out of the car, Buckley.”
Turning off the engine of the jeep, Buck gives a little laugh, unsure of how to react. Eddie is smiling in that charming way that makes Buck’s heart flutter as the blond man finally steps out of the jeep. “Alright, if you insist,” Buck jokes, smiling even more when Eddie rolls his eyes.
“Now, it is a little messy,” Eddie warns, “but all the furniture is set up… mostly. And, there’s beer in the fridge.”
“Perfect,” Buck says, shoving his hands into his pockets, feeling slightly out of place.
Unlocking the door, Eddie holds it open for Christopher, then gestures for Buck to walk in afterwards. Buck gives the man a light smile and steps inside the home. It’s a little chilly in the way new houses seem to be, but when Eddie flicks on the light, Buck can see he has already filled it with so much warmth. There’s tons of photos of Christopher pretty much everywhere you look, the love Eddie has for his child is truly beautiful, and it almost makes Buck want to cry. He never had parents who loved him this much, in fact, he thinks Eddie may just love Christopher more than Mr and Mrs Buckley loved Buck combined.
There are boxes stacked many places, most half open in a scattered way that shows Eddie has been unpacking as he needs things, rather than putting everything away. Eddie tosses his keys on the side table in the foyer before he closes the front door. Christopher is already heading for the hallway, most likely towards his room.
“Brush your teeth, mister!” Eddie calls out as he toes off his shoes, motioning for Buck to do the same. “Look, just make yourself at home, I just have to run to the bathroom real quick.”
Buck nods, though Eddie doesn’t see it as he disappears pretty quickly. Clearing his throat, Buck walks into the living room space, taking a look around. After hesitating a moment, he takes a seat on Eddie’s couch, folding his hands together when he finds himself struggling with what to do with them. He has a hard time sitting still.
The box on the coffee table calls to him and before Buck can stop himself, he takes a peek. There are even more photos of Christopher inside, Buck can’t help but pick them up, and start flipping through them. Smiling softly at the photos, Buck feels his heart ache even more. This kid is so well loved.
There are photos from all ages mixed in, some with a pair of older individuals who Buck is assuming are Christopher’s grandparents, as well as some of a woman holding a baby Christopher. Buck assumes it’s his biological mother. He can’t really tell what the story is there, Eddie did say she was out of the picture, but it didn’t seem like she had died. There was a touch of anger in Eddie’s tone, a certain fire in his eyes that told Buck he probably shouldn’t ask about it. It seemed like a fresh wound. Considering Christopher is seven, Eddie would have probably been about nineteen or twenty when they had him. Buck couldn’t imagine having to grow up so young. Hell, he’s still a kid himself.
“Any good ones?” Buck jumps at the sound of Eddie’s voice. Before Buck has the chance to apologize profusely, Eddie waves him off. “Don’t worry. The photos are hard to resist, I know, my kid is the cutest kid in the world. It was hard choosing which ones to put up.”
“Yeah, these are… they’re all great,” Buck agrees, placing them back into the box. “I, uh, I know we only met briefly, but I can tell you have a great kid.”
Eddie tilts his head, a kind smile on his lips. “Oh, yeah?”
“Yeah, I mean, it’s clear you really love him,” Buck says, “not all kids have that. But, uh, it’s important that they… you know, do have it. Makes them into good people.” He cringes. “I’m sorry, that doesn’t really make sense.”
“I know what you mean,” Eddie assures him, staring at him in a way that makes Buck feel like he’s looking right through into his soul. Already, he has started being able to read Buck, and it makes the man extremely uncomfortable. “But, uh, I have to say, I think that even people with… not so great parents can turn into good people.”
Buck laughs, a little forcefully. “Yeah?”
Unflinchingly, Eddie keeps eye contact with Buck. “Yeah, I do.” He walks towards the kitchen, turning back briefly. “But, of course, it does help to have good parents. And, I… well, I try my best with Christopher. I haven’t always been… I’m just happy that he and I are together now.”
Only about two minutes pass before Eddie reappears, two bottles of beer in hand. “Must of been hard, being on tour while he was young,” Buck comments, swallowing thickly when that makes the brunet man freeze up a bit. “Sorry, I was just—”
“No, uh, you’re right, it was,” Eddie says, handing Buck a beer. “But, uh, well it was sort of my own fault. After his diagnosis…” He stares off down the hall where Christopher disappeared. “I was young and stupid. I had never heard of cerebral palsy before and I guess I got nervous. It felt too big of a thing for me to be dealing with when I was supposed to be in college or something. So, I, uh, enlisted again when he was about two.” Eddie scoffs as he takes a sip of his beer. “I was a shitty father to begin with. Been trying to make it up to him since I got back.”
“All parents mess up,” Buck says, “you were a kid. You were doing your best.”
Eddie shrugs. “I guess.” The way he says it, though, it’s clear he doesn’t really believe it. Buck wishes he could make Eddie see how wonderful of a father he is, but he’s not sure how, so he just sips his beer.
“Daddy, come kiss me goodnight!” Christopher calls out from down the hall.
“One sec, sweetheart!” Eddie calls back, smiling fondly just from the sound of his son's voice. He looks back at Buck. “Sorry, just one second.”
“Oh, it’s no problem, man,” Buck assures him, “you know, I could just leave. I don’t want to intrude on your—”
Eddie waves his hand at Buck as he starts to walk away, placing his beer down on the coffee table. “Nope, I’ll be back.”
It doesn’t take Eddie much time at all. Within five minutes he’s coming back into the living room and settling down on the couch next to Buck. The two of them sit together in silence for a moment before Eddie speaks up again, seeming to be curious about something. “So, Abby?” he says, pursing his lips as though he fears it’s a sensitive topic with Buck. Which, he can’t exactly blame Eddie for considering how Buck reacted in the gym at work when Abby was brought up.
“Yeah, she, uh,” Buck begins, unsure how to explain the situation he’s in. He barely understands it himself. “She was kind of my first love. My first official girlfriend. And, I guess I’m just… trying to hold onto her still. I think I… I think I’ve sort of forgotten how to be alone.”
Eddie smiles in that beautiful, charming, eyes full of stars' way, effectively melting Buck’s heart as he reaches out to squeeze his shoulder. “Hate to break it to you, Buck, but you’ll never be alone again.” Eddie’s hand on Buck’s arm feels warm and welcoming and something else he can’t quite pinpoint. “Christopher cannot stop talking about you, even though he only saw you for a few minutes. He’s obsessed and I’m afraid we’re going to have to figure out a way to give him a birthmark.” His hand drops away and Buck has to fight to stay still so he doesn’t reach out to grab it. “And, well, I guess I’ve started to take a liking to you too.”
“Really?” Buck can’t help but ask, no matter how pathetic it makes him sound.
Luckily, Eddie doesn’t judge him or hesitate before he answers. “Really.” He gestures with his beer at Buck as if this should be obvious, despite the fact that they have only worked two shifts together so far. “I told you, I got your back.”
Buck smiles. “And, I got yours.”