Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“ We shouldn't be this kind of tired at our age .”

-J.B.

Rose Flowers despised Reaping Day. For all the regular reasons, she hated the fact that it stole their children year after year. You could make the argument that she liked the Games like how every other ‘Career’ district did. But ever since she was eleven at Reaping Day and watched her thirteen year old brother get whisked away to a death game, she hated the Hunger Games and everything that represented. She hated Snow for stealing her brother, she hated their Escort for calling his name, she even hated the mentors who came to her door to tell her family that he wasn't coming home.

To put it short, she had a lot of rage at the Games. But there was something so exhilarating about waiting in silence to see if your name was called. And if it was, so what if you never saw your family ever again? Their time was limited as is, everything and everyone dies in the end. It's the circle of life.

Sometimes Rose thinks she should have been born to a more… philosophical District. Rather than one of the most practical ones.

District 3, Rose’s home. Everyone there is a genius, or at least highly intellectual, if you're not, well… it's not pretty. It's a good thing she was one of the intellectuals. And it probably helped that her mother was one of the brightest minds in the District, top of the food chain (beside the mayor and Peacekeepers).

But she grew to feel suffocated in the urban land. The neon lights and constant scrutiny to do better , she didn't want to do it anymore. She loved her family, she really did, but she hated how they moved on. Unlike her, who was still in the Justice Building, clinging to Griffith like her life depended on it; the last time she ever saw him .

Rose grew hateful and angry. Years passed, she went to the Reaping, friends rose and fell. Nobody ever caught her eye, her friends got into relationships, then cried into her shoulder. On the outside she was the happy, up-beat friend, on the inside she became bitter . Her heart and guts twisted up until there was nothing but numbness .

Until one day, on July 4th, on the day of the Reaping for the 69th Annual Hunger Games.

Rose sits in her section, eyeing the glass bowl warily. Their escort, Brier Steelwater, a striking man in his mid-thirties, was sitting in a chair next to District 3’s victors; Beetee Latier and Wiress Payne. Their Mayor rattled off the Treaty of Treason and Rose was on edge. There was something buzzing beneath her skin that she couldn't quite shake. Until Steelwater stood up from his chair and reached for the ball that contained the girls’ names. He rooted around a bit before finally pulling out a small slip of paper, he read it out to the crowd, “Rose Flowers!” His voice was too chipper, she barely noticed that it was her name getting called. She was shoved up front by kids until she was at the foot of the steps up to the stage. Rose took a deep breath and ascended.

It was all a blur, she didn't remember anything other than flashing lights, getting herded off and hearing somebody say something. Before she knew it, she was in the Justice Building and she was staring blankly at a wall. The clock ticked in the corner, it felt like hours passed. Until finally a man and a woman stuck their heads in, they were middle aged and they were her parents. Rose distantly wondered if this is how Griffith felt, but she knew he had still cared. She however didn't .

The car ride to the station was uneventful, a man she recognized as Callum Torres sat next to her and Steelwater sat across from them.

°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

Alder Steele hated Reaping Day, the actual Reaping was fine enough. Despite the fact that the Capitol stole their children from them, year after year, leaving more grief in its wake.

The thing he hated about Reaping Day was the people who were supposed to represent their District. He hated the skimpy clothes that children were forced to wear. He hated their old drunk Victor, which was a humiliation to District 12. He hated their Escort, Marble Thornetide, who was an old hag and a sad excuse for an Escort.

Marble took a slip from the female tribute ball and read out, “Logyn Berry.”

Oh fuck.

Logyn was one of Alder’s best friends and was not a female tribute. Alder saw clearly, Logyn scowl at Marble and she sneered right back at him and he saw her lips form something that looked like Miss . Logyn was led off to where the tributes stood, Marble dusted herself off and pulled a slip of paper from the male tribute ball. “Alder Steele!”

Shit .

His feet carried him to the stage, instead of looking at Drunk, Mayor, crowd or Escort, his eyes instead found Logyn’s. Logyn smirked and Alder smiled right back. He shook hands with Escort and waved to the crowd before going to the Tribute Pen.

Escort concluded the Reaping and she took them to the Justice Building for their final goodbyes.

He sat in a grey, dusty old room and once he had time to process what just happened. His blood boiled. What would his mother and little sister do without him? He’s the one who took out the tessarae for them, so that his sister wouldn’t have to put her name in the Reaping more times than necessary. She was only 13 .

When the remainder of his family finally came in, he missed the missing bits. His older brother who died a few years back and his father who died a few months prior, Alder had pushed down his grief for them in favor of taking care of what he had left. The tears welled up in his eyes faster than he could stop them, they spilled down his cheeks and they didn’t stop. Not when he hugged his sister and mother goodbye for the final time, not when he was told he needed to get a move on, not when he was loaded into a car and the Peacekeepers didn’t know what to do. Not when they pushed him onto the train and he was led to a room with Drunk, Escort and Logyn.

They all looked at him with pity, his blood boiled . Logyn tentatively reached out and Alder held him so tight like he was the last thing keeping him tethered to the Earth. Once there were no more tears left to cry, Logyn gently patted his back and Drunk had slumped down in a chair. They were on a bar cart and Drunk looked so sad , but why should Alder care? This is after all the man who doesn’t bring home their children, he’s the one who failed them.

Alder stands over him and glares down at the pitiful man. The man looks up, grey eyes meeting his, far less drunk than Alder had originally thought.

“What’re you lookin’ at?” Drunk asked, his voice quiet.

“I’m looking at the man who will be the death of me.” Alder said coldly before striding away to the other side of the cart where Logyn sat.

Alder decided he did not like trains very much, they moved too fast for him, the first 30 minutes he felt exceedingly nauseous and actually did extract the bile once. It was not helped by the fact that when dinner rolled around they were greeted by a too cheery attendant (not an Avox) and were herded to another train car with a dining room, where a colorful bright looking woman sat. He already disliked her but not as much as he disliked Marble, although all Capitol folks were all the same. Drunk sat in a chair, looking distastefully at the newcomer, at least he wasn’t the only one .

The second that Alder and Logyn entered the room the woman stood up from her seat and strutted over to meet them. She stuck out a hand for Logyn.

“Miss Berry? That doesn’t sound right, if you don’t mind enlightening me, what would you like me to call you?” Her Capitol accent was high and annoying but she got a lot of points back for asking Logyn what he wants to be called.

Logyn’s voice was small, “Mr is fine.”

Her smile brightened, “well it is a delight to meet you Mr Berry! And you must be, Mr Steele?” He nodded, and Alder shook her hand, why not? “I’m sure you are wondering who I am, I am Effie Trinket, I’m learning the ropes of being an Escort and will be taking over for Ms Thornetide –” Effie said Escort’s name with such disdain that she was raised even higher in his good books. “--next year! Oh, that reminds me, where is that woman?” Then walked out the door past them.

Once she was gone, the two of them took their seats and Alder said, “I wouldn’t mind having her as an Escort, although I doubt we’ll ever be able to see her actually be our Escort–” he was cut off by a shrill scream.

Drunk, Logyn and Alder all shot up from their seats and quickly made their way to the direction of the noise. They found an open door with Effie standing over a bed and in the bed was Escort. They made their way in and saw that Escort’s skin was pale and she had some purple splotches coming up on her neck. Drunk immediately dropped down to the edge of the bed and checked her pulse, Effie had by that point fainted when Drunk pronounced Escort dead.

“Can’t say I’m mad,” Alder admitted over dinner, which had only taken place after Effie had woken up.

Drunk rose a questioning brow, “She had it coming, what goes around comes around and all’at. Nobody disrespects my best friend and doesn’t pay the price eventually.” Nobody responded to that, all unsure of what to say. It was fine to Alder.

*+=+*+=+*+=+*

Rose was quite delighted by the sight of the Capitol. It was all colors, colorful people, colorful buildings, colorful sidewalks and roads. The vibrantness reminded her distantly of the neon signs from her home. Suddenly she didn't like the Capitol as much.

They were led to a building for prepping, she was stripped, waxed and all the strange things like that. Her prep team was too talkative for her taste, they talked incessantly in her ear for what felt like hours until finally they left. She sat in the chair and waited for the stylist.

The prep team had painted Rose’s nails a nice shade of red with golden tops. They reminded her of Griffith’s token, it was a rose pin she had gifted to him for his thirteenth birthday. The very same one that she wore now as her token.

She was soon to meet his very same fate. Why not go out with a bang?

The stylist finally came in, he was a haggard old man and Rose instantly took a dislike to him. He dressed her in a mini dress made of metal plates with little lights along it, the dark metal made an arc up to her face and covered it from the side. Callum was wearing a similar outfit except his ‘skirt’ was below his knees. She did look good but the clothes were so revealing, she felt exposed.

They were taken to the place below the building, a garage of sorts where they were loaded onto a chariot. All the other tributes stood, some stood with their faces poised and backs rigid, others looked awkward, all gangly limbs. They would never grow used to their bodies. 

As Rose surveyed the other tributes, one caught her eye. He was all the way at the back, in a cheap coal miner outfit, her heart got caught in her throat. He was so pretty . In all Rose’s years of being alone (never alone but eternally lonely), no one made her stomach flutter and her heart skip a few beats when he met her eye. His eyes were a steely grey, his irises looked like two moons.

Then the chariots started moving forward, and outside it was gorgeous . One thing Rose has always been able to do was see beauty everywhere. From a cloud in the sky to a rock in the ground. And the city was pretty. And there were people in the crowd, she waved and smiled at them.

°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

After the chariots looped around to the Tribute Center, Alder and Logyn dismounted from their chariot and it was led away from them. Leaving them to wait for someone to tell them what to do. Alder chatted to Logyn about the sights they saw and how the Tribute Parade went when a girl approached them. She was about 5’2”, with a stocky build, ashen skin and dark hair. District 3 . The very same girl who had stared at him before they set off.

“Hello,” she stuck out a hand, “Rose Flowers, District 3. Seventeen.” He doesn't know why he did it, but he shook her hand. There was something intriguing about this girl.

“Alder Steele, District 12. Seventeen. And this here is Logyn Berry and he’s a he , don't get it twisted. He's fifteen, almost sixteen.” He removed his hand from her hold and studied her face as she studied his. He could see the gears turning in her head. “What’d’ya want?”

“I was wondering if you wanted to, perhaps, be allies?”

“Sorry, but no, I already got Logyn here, so I'm all set.” He gave her his most condescending smile as a hope to ward her off. She did not waver.

“Okay, well then, my offer still stands and always will stand. Until you or I die.”

After Rose had walked off Logyn turned to him and asked, “And why didn't we accept the alliance?”

Alder snorted, why didn't Logyn see it like he did? “Because, my friend, that Rose is a Career and a crafty one. The second we turn our backs, she'll stab us where it hurts.”

“How do you know that?”

“They're all the same.” They stopped discussing it. Alder didn't tell Logyn that he wouldn't mind getting stabbed in the back by her, or he didn't fully believe she would kill them. She had that look of somebody who would end up dead in these Games because she couldn't kill somebody, because her heart was too pure. His priority was Logyn and Logyn alone, he didn't have time to worry about some girl. Even if she was pretty.

Over dinner that night Drunk begrudgingly discussed strategies with the District 12 Tributes, Alder still didn't like Drunk, even though he respected Logyn in the same way Effie did. Effie was the type of person you knew was trying their hardest, while Drunk was so drunk all the time, how could he possibly help them?

Near the end of dinner, Drunk finally picked up the topic. He asked questions about their preferred weapons and their strengths. For Logyn, he knew plants. For Alder, he knew his way around a sword, having been a descendant from a family of fencers and warriors and rebels . His family heirlooms were vast, decorative swords laid all around his small home. Chests of fencing swords and gear lay around. His father made sure he knew how to defend himself, well before he died.

Then the long awaited question that Alder was dreading. “I don't suppose either of you have had any time to mingle yet?”

Alder pursed his lips, he always was a terrible liar. Better to stay silent than stammer out a lie. Logyn was stone faced beside him. Drunk picked up their unease like a shark smelling blood in the water.

“You have, haven't you? I'm not mad, this is great, you need allies for the arena. So what's their district and name?” Drunk asked, excited by this news.

Logyn answered after Alder faltered. “Well her name is Rose Flowers, she approached us after the parade.” Drunk gestured for him to continue, “She's from District 3…” He trailed off after Drunk gained a pained expression on his face, like he wasn't sitting across from them, the day after the Reaping, like he was in another world entirely.

Drunk shook his head violently as if to rid his thoughts from his mind. Alder was curious, but like his Mama always said, curiosity killed the cat . And Alder wasn't in the mood to be knifed from across the table.

“So what did you say?” Drunk said after a long moment.

Logyn opened his mouth to speak but Alder was quicker, “I told her t’ fuck off.”

Drunk’s jaw dropped .

“Well, I wouldn't say you told her to fuck off , you more told her you already had allies–” Logyn tried to recover.

“You what .” Drunk’s voice was low and dangerous. Alder felt all his hair stand up, and his shoulders bristle. Suddenly he felt he should refer to Drunk by his actual name.

“I told her t’ fuck off, if it's any better, she didn't seem t’ mind–” Alder’s mouth snapped shut at the stormy look in Haymitch’s face.

“Fucking hell,” Haymitch growled, “do you have any fucking idea what you have done?”

“As a matter of fact I do, I have claimed my territory, plus I don't need Brains as my ally–”

“She has a name you know,” Logyn piped up.

“You could have used her for something, to your advantage, she'll get sponsors and I don't think you two will, no offense but District 12 Tributes don't really get a lot of sponsors–"

“What did you say her name was?” Effie asked from the other side of the table.

“Rose Flowers?” Logyn answered. Suddenly Alder had a realization that he was not acting very civilized, but he was 12 blood, the ‘savages of Panem’.

“Oh, her brother was in the Hunger Games a few years ago…” she sounded slightly sad ? A Capitol citizen, sad about their beloved Hunger Games? Unheard of.

“I'm guessing he didn't make it out?” Effie nodded, “Well then, I'm guessing Brains doesn't have very good chances either–”

“Rose!” Logyn snapped, Alder felt rather ashamed suddenly. “Her name is Rose and I suggest you use it, she might be our only chance of survival!”

Alder snapped right back at him, “She’ll die in the bloodbath, and I know I won't make it either, so what's the point?”

The tension in the room drained out and the atmosphere felt heavy. It's true, Alder doesn't plan on getting out, he plans on saving Logyn, but Alder knows he'll die. And he'll be damned if he doesn't greet it willingly.

*+=+*+=+*+=+*

Rose wonders what causes people to be so bitter . Bitter is different from sad, Rose is sad inside, her mentor has sad eyes, but bitter is angry. It didn't take long for her to realize that most of the tributes that are angry are only angry because of the cards they have been dealt. Whether that be in life overall or the fact that they are animals waiting for slaughter.

She's decided that the kind of bitter Alder is; the latter. It makes sense for him and he's so protective over Logyn.

Logyn, Rose realized, was quite a nice boy, he seemed decent and she heard them discussing her as she walked away. While Alder was wary of her, Logyn seemed like he just wanted an ally.

Rose knew she would die, she knew it from the second that her name was called by that stupid man. Maybe the second that she watched her brother murdered on live television or was it even when his name was called.

She had thought about it several times before, how easy it would be to do it herself. A razor to her wrists or a rope around her neck. Although she did want to go out with a bang, so this would do nicely. She didn't want to win, she didn't want to live. She didn't even have anything to live for. She had no one to pick up the shattered pieces of her heart or anybody to give her love to.

Love is the only thing worth being alive for.

That's what Griffith used to tell her, a friend of his told it to him what seems like a lifetime ago.

Rose always had a tendency to latch on to something or someone whoever things felt bleak. She dived into work(school) when her brother died, and now in the absence of life in her soul there is a small light of one Alder Steele. Who wants nothing to do with her. But she will do everything in her power to get him home. Her last dying breath will be spent on him.

She doesn’t know why, but there is a deep tug in her heart, like a fisherman’s hook into a fish’s gullet. Rose searches in herself to the big question that everybody is constantly, why? Why does anybody do anything? Why do the birds sing? Why does the sun shine? Unlike those unanswerable cosmic questions, Rose knows deep down. She’s known it forever, she wants to do it for him . Who that he is, Rose has not the faintest. Maybe Griffith, maybe Alder, maybe Logyn, hell maybe even Beetee. But all she knows is she is doing it for somebody .

And she is doing it to spite the Capitol. They can kiss her sweet ass, with their mouths that they use to egg on these terrible Games, and the ones that suck the toes of some fucking stupid President .

TBC…

Chapter Text

“ The reason why some people are so kind is because the world has been unkind to them that they don't want other people to feel the way they did .”

–Vex King

Alder didn’t know what to expect from training, Haymitch told him and Logyn to steer clear of plants (for Logyn) and swords (for Alder). Alder and Logyn were currently at the knot-tying station, and Alder was keenly watching Rose at the shelter station. She was eagerly chatting to the tributes from 11, while deftly setting up the tent.

Alder knew she would be useful to Logyn’s survival. But something about using someone just made something in his bones feel sticky and his skin feels dirty. It was wrong .

He didn’t want to get attached to a ghost.

It didn’t matter that he would join her soon enough but, leaning on somebody led to selfishness and there was no room for caring in the Hunger Games .

Alder learns how to tie a noose, and thinks about putting it around his fellow tributes’ necks. He and Logyn find their way to the camouflage station, for some reason there is an emphasis on yellow and white. Weird . Alder didn’t think anything of it, and instead listened to the instructor dutifully and watched the female District 3 tribute.

Training went fairly well, they learned valuable skills while steering clear of their chosen stations that they were decidedly good at. Although, strangely, there was no plant station; edible or not. Alder also didn’t notice any sort of fire-starting station, not any station that would require wood. Again he didn’t think much of it, he was occupied with being caged off and guarded, there were snakes in his midst and he needed to be aware of their venom.

It was stuffy in the Capitol, Alder had realized and he needed fresh air to think. He needed space, something that only some form of open air could provide. So he went to the only person he could ask about somewhere quiet and breezy to go. Haymitch .

“Well, kid, I dunno, I usually go up to the roof ,” the old drunkard told him and Alder did exactly just that.

*+=+*+=+*+=+*

Rose didn’t necessarily hate the Capitol, she did hate everything it was and stood for, but the buildings themselves weren’t half-bad. It reminded her of home, but then again; Rose hated her home. She had since Griffith died and would until she died. There was nothing and nobody that would ever change that.

She didn’t know how or why, but she found her way up to the roof of the Training Center. It was a balmy night, the type of night that was just ever so slightly humid and clung to her skin. It wasn’t unlike her home in 3 and hoped that someday her nights wouldn’t be so warm and she could sit in the grass and stare up at the night sky. All wrapped up in a blanket and charting the cosmos.

She stared out at the bustling streets below, even at night, the roads and sidewalks were crawling with people.

There was the creaking of a door and Rose stepped into the shadows that the entrance building to the roof provided. And watched as a figure stepped out, she couldn’t make out their face but she knew who it was. Alder walked over to the ledge and she revealed herself by both removing herself from the shadows and speaking.

“Hello, Alder,” she practically purred and all of the sudden Rose was flat on her back with the boy’s hands on her wrists, pinning her down to the cold paved floor.

Alder’s breathing was reduced to huffs of air as he recognized her face, but did not relent his grip. She was not scared in the slightest, she even surprised herself that she trusted him so fully.

“What are you doing up here?” He growled, his face was very close to hers.

“I could ask you the same thing. Or why you immediately resorted to pinning me down, not that I mind…” Rose trailed off as his eyes narrowed and Alder instantly loosened his grip.

Once she had gotten up (after he had helped her up) and dusted herself off, she walked over to the railing. He followed and soon they were standing side-by-side.

“I know you didn't ask and don't care but… My favorite color is yellow. I don't expect you to tell me yours, but if I'm going to die soon, I want more people to know that about me.” Rose averted her eyes to the streets below and watched all the colorfully clad people.

“So you've accepted it. Y’know I thought somebody from 3 would believe they would win, instead of die a humiliating death like the rest of us.”

“I've been dead for longer than you know,” Rose muttered, she knew he heard her by his quick stiffening. “Back in 3, I wanted to help people. Some were inventors and revolutionaries, I was a girl with a dream. I, uh. When I was 14 I designed a portable isolette –”

“A portable what-now?”

“It's a thing that makes it so a newborn doesn't die from an improper environment, also known as making sure a baby doesn't freeze to death. I designed it for a school project that was supposed to be for less well-off districts. Like District 12.” At that Rose turned her eyes to gauge Alder’s reaction, his eyes didn't have that look of hardness to them and spikiness. His eyes had softened .

“I do have one question for you,” he nodded for her to continue. “Why were you watching me, today I mean?” Rose’s voice was very quiet in the limited space between them.

In an instant that almost intimate softness was gone and replaced with stiffness, and stiffness led to cruel and unbidden words. He left without a word or even a curt nod.

°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

If you asked Alder if he hated Rose Flowers. He would say yes. She crossed a line, one that they didn't speak but they both knew it was there. She knew in the way she waited until they were alone, she knew in the way that she glanced in his direction for that entire day. 

But in a way he felt he had crossed a line as well. At that dinner, when Effie had mentioned that Rose had lost her brother to the Hunger Games. Sure he felt remorse for knowing such a big detail about a future murderee’s life, but Effie was the one who told them, it's not like Alder went out of his way to discover personal things about his opponents.

If you asked Alder if he hated Rose, he would say yes, but in his head; he could never hate her. She was the type that was too good for this hideous world, he knew it wasn't that.

It wasn't pity either.

Alder did not want to think about his motivations for going back to the roof the next night, and the next.

It wasn't pity that allowed him to unveil his special skill to her, even after Haymitch told them not to. Her face flushed when he had answered her question about what he would do tomorrow for his assessment. Her cheeks looked very nice when they were that color, they should stay that way as long as she was alive.

“I'll be doing some axe-throwing , because as it turns out I am insanely good at cleaving a man in two!” She exclaimed with a happy expression on her face, and in that moment he felt something akin to fondness. And a smile bloomed on his face unsolicited.

The next day when they all sat in a room to wait to take their test Alder stared at Rose from across the room. She did not look back at him, except for the occasional nervous glance, until it was her turn. When she stood, she had nodded at him when he had grimaced at her in sympathy then she took the march to her death.

He stared at the floor solemnly.

*+=+*+=+*+=+*

Rose walked into the large room, her shoulders squared, chin up and her steps steady. 

Do not let them see your fear. They are sharks in the water and you are a bleeding fish. Hold your head high and get through this, tomorrow will be kinder. Kinder than today when you are tested. 

That's what her father said to her brother when he left for this war. That's what he huffed as he tried to stay composed as he saw his son for the last time. And that's what Rose is going to repeat to herself until her tomorrow comes.

As she stares up at tormentors with hard eyes, she takes in their faces. The lead Gamemaker is sitting on a large luxurious velvet couch, sipping a deep red liquid and grinning slightly at her. It is a sinister smile, a sadistic smile. He knows that this small, malnourished girl will not make it.

Rose is determined to wipe the ground with that stupid smirk. So she goes over to the weapons rack and pulls off a few throwing axes. They’re heavy, not too much weight to it, but heavy enough to throw. So she whirls the first one at a dummy’s head. The other Gamemakers have an almost bored look on their faces.

She’s gotta take it up a little and she does, she grows it at one of the moving targets (made for arrows), bullseye. Then another and another, they still aren't listening .

If you asked Rose why she did it, she honestly would not know either. But she did it. She threw an axe at the punching bag, she threw it with so much force that the axe went through the wall on the other side. Only the handle was left poking out. It made a loud screeching sound and suddenly everybody was listening.

Rose curtsyed . But since she had no skirt, she just made a whooshing motion with her hands and left without a look back.

°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

Alder watched as the room emptied out, it was a slow process, it only added to his unease. Soon Logyn left as well, and he was all alone in this great big room.

Huh, maybe this is what death will be like?

Loneliness, emptiness in his soul, heaviness in his heart. And that aching that longs for company. Whether that be someone to sit with, or drink with, or even have dinner with. But he wants somebody with him right now.

Finally after a short amount of time, he is called in and he feels as if he is walking right to his grave. (He is).

Once in the Assessment room, he takes stock of the Gamemakers in the nest, watching him like vultures, waiting to tear at his skin and knaw on his bones. The second thing he notices is the giant gash torn in the metal walls. And oh , he has a feeling he knows exactly who left that . His brain short circuits, his heart skips a beat and his stomach does a flip.

But nonetheless, he makes a beeline for the sword rack and pulls off a few. He whirls around, sword and all, and slashes the dummy through the gut. He tries to shake the feeling, but he sees somebody’s guts spilling from where they normally would. He can’t do this, he can’t, he can’t, he can’t, he can’t, he can’t–

He freaks out so hard that he doesn’t even realize he threw the sword, it flies like a dart, it goes through several dummies before lying in the center of a target. He is so alarmed by what had just happened he faints.

When he wakes up, he is in his bed, in his room. It’s not his room , not really. It’s in the Penthouse of the Tribute Center, Logyn is leaning over him, Haymitch is asleep in the corner, Effie and Rose are nowhere to be seen. Where is she? So he asks his best friend, startling Haymitch in the process, Logyn is confused and cocks his head, asking what?

Alder holds back from losing it, only slightly. Suddenly Haymitch is also there leaning over him, and it’s too much. There’s too much happening, he needs air, he needs air. The roof! Of course, she would be up there waiting for him, he knew Rose would be there, and he would be damned if he didn’t meet her. He pushed past his best friend and his mentor and sped off to the stairwell.

TBC…..

Chapter Text

“ Don’t worry about me, I'll be fine.

Just don't look into my eyes. ”

–@depressed1278

Rose didn't know what to think when Logyn came running into the roof, huffing with a worried look on his face, his eyes were wild as his gaze found hers. She knew exactly what this was about. She hurried over to him.

“What happened? Is he okay? Tell me, Logyn Berry!” She rushes out, Logyn sets a hand consolingly on her shoulder.

“During his assessment he… fainted .” Rose was about to demand to let her see him. “He’s okay, thankfully, he gave us quite the scare but he's fine, just resting. I think he had a panic attack, but this is the first time it was this bad. He just got a little overwhelmed and very anxious…” Well that was a relief, “Y’know your little ‘outings’ together have been a great stress reliever for him…” Logyn paused again before gently continuing, “You do know that he'll never accept the offer, right?

“I know,” they walked to the edge of the roof together, it wasn't night yet, the sun was setting in the distance. Behind the mountains, it was gorgeous. The sun painted the sky in shades of pink, orange, purple and a hint of blue. “But I can't help but hang on to this little hope? It gives me something to live for.”

“Don't we all need something like that?”

They stood next to one another for another long moment before Logyn excused himself.

It wasn't quite to their usual meeting time, so Rose went back to the District 3 quarters to watch the rankings with the rest of her team.

It started with District 1, Zirconia and Velvet, both scoring an eight. District 2, Prong and Harquin, he scores a five and she scores a nine. Then her district comes up and Callum scores a four.

Rose wasn’t hoping for much better, she really wasn’t hoping for much at all. Nothing above a three.

She scored a ten.

Beetee slowly turns towards her in amazement, Steelwater jumps up and yells about how happy he is that he won’t be an embarrassment anymore. Callum stares at her in resentment.

She stays seated, Beetee is still studying her with astonishment. Rose watches the other Districts’ rankings fly by, finally it is District 12’s turn, Alder and Logyn’s faces flash on the screen, Alder gets a two and Logyn gets a four.

After the celebrations die down, Rose weasels her way to the roof, he is waiting up there for her. 

His eyes are steadily focused on the ground, he doesn’t move when she opens the door like he normally does. Alder is wearing a loose short-sleeved red shirt with pink flowers on it. Poppies. His arms are crossed and his brow is furrowed. She moves to stand beside Alder, only then does he acknowledge her.

“What happened?” Rose asked meekly.

Alder weakly shrugs, “I don't really know.”

Rose stared at him with pleading eyes, he dropped his arms, sighs and shakes his head.

“What did you score?” He asks her with genuine interest.

“A ten,” Rose answers him and he claps her on the shoulder in praise.

“Really? That's great! I'm proud of you,” then he pauses when the moment passes, “And what did I get?” He winces as he asks her the question.

“A two,” Rose says quietly as she stares up at him with a grimace on her face.

Alder steps back and says in an almost sad voice. “Well I guess my life-long quest to make you not want to be allies has finally been completed. I am completely undesirable.”

“Don't say that, you haven't gotten rid of me yet. I'm up here, aren't I? I'm here talking to you and for the record it would be an honor to have you as an ally. I said the offer would be open as long as we both shall live.” Rose knows how it sounded, she knows it sounds like a vow one would make to their beloved. But she couldn't find it in herself to care.

“Are you scared?” Alder implored, staring deep into her eyes.

“No. I'm not,” Rose replied haltingly, “I don't have anybody waiting for me anyway.” She lets out a loud, jarring laugh, just as a loud tune blares up from the street. “Nobody to dance with either.” Because it's true, nobody in their right mind would dance with her, she was unwanted. Like an annoying flea on your dog, you want them gone and they're causing your precious animal distress.

To Rose’s surprise, Alder offers her a hand. And to Alder’s surprise she takes it.

She takes his other hand and they start swaying to the rapping of drumsticks. Then the beat picks up with trumpets and trombones and they start swishing their hips in a half-circle motion, gliding across the roof. He spins and dips her and it's exhilarating.

The song ends abruptly, her foot is in between his two and their faces are a hairs breadth apart. It would be so easy to lean in, for him to cross that distance, she can see he wants to by the flickering of his eyes down, in the direction of her lips. She wanted it just as bad as he did.

But before she could reach up and take him by the back of the neck so they were eye to eye, he stepped back. Away from her. His warm, strong hands left her cold ones alone, like always. Rose’s own hands came up to cross her arms to cradle herself.

She had thought that he…

What’s the point?

°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

Alder wanted to, he really did. He wanted to hold Rose until the sun rose on a world where they weren't going to try and kill each other. In a world where they were not separated by borders of Districts . In a world where the moon would drop below the horizon as their bodies tangled together in sleep.

Alder wanted .

Alder wanted a lot of things, he wanted his sister to not worry about getting Reaped. He wanted Logyn to be respected as he is and not as he should be. He wanted Rose to soar above the clouds and sky and to the moon. She was made for bigger things than him, he was made for the quiet poverty of 12 and she was a star . High above them, far from disease and death and murder , as beautiful and radiant as a star should be. Glimmering against the inky black, people would look to her for guidance.

He looked up to her for guidance.

By his own mind or not, Alder looked to her for comfort when he fainted, his first instinct was to find Rose, when he was on the edge of the abyss of cowardice, she pushed him away from the edge. Although that did cause Rose to stand in his stead. She took it with grace and a smile . Alder is sure that if he asked her why? She would say, with that same smile, because who else will stop you?

But who would stop her?

Who would stop Rose from toppling over the edge in hatred and grief? If Rose even got past the Bloodbath and it came to when she had to kill, she would show them mercy, no matter how much hurt they caused or what they did. She would bow her head and offer her own life in return.

Which is not how to play the game.

Although it was starting to dawn on Alder that she did not want to win, who was Alder to judge? He didn't intend to win either. He intended to live out the rest of his life in the next few days.

He didn't want to survive, as the victors did, never living, always pawns. He saw it in Haymitch's face, he was a sad man who had lost everything tenfold and was still losing. Alder would have rather died than suffer that same fate.

So he left her there, because if he got what he wanted. To hold her, to kiss Rose, to protect her. He would want to live. And that's no way to enter a death game.

The next day Haymitch bursts into his room where he and Logyn were sleeping together, they were taking as much time as they had left, together. And it was a great comfort after Alder's scare yesterday to have Logyn near him.

Haymitch's eyes were wild and fearful he yelled at them, “Come on! It's time to get up!”

Alder groaned and rolled over, trying to drown out the shouts of the victor. The effort was futile as Haymitch just came over and shook Alder. Alder grumbled but complied, he cracked his back and stood up.

Alder, as it turns out, had a really hard time staying calm at Haymitch’s prodding. And Haymitch prodded , like he was being graded, he looks for every single little opening that Alder accidentally brandishes. It was beyond aggravating and when he voiced such, Haymitch would just say, “ Well that’s what Caesar is going to do, so you better get your act together. You’re too open. ” And Alder would glower at him and Haymitch would glare right back at him. (If you asked Logyn or Effie, they would say that they looked like a father and son like that.)

Logyn spent the time that Alder spent with Haymitch, with Effie, they spoke of posture and pleasant words and how to look proper in front of a crowd. How to not get flustered and recover from embarrassing topics, such as his love life, among other things.

Then they switched and Effie was gentle in her correction of his posture and of certain words or phrases. 20 minutes into Haymitch and Logyn’s coaching, Haymitch stops and claims that Logyn is far beyond satisfactory and decides that the boy does not need any of his help. Logyn lingers in the dining room where Haymitch had moved to continue to prod at Alder.

After hours and hours of excruciating coaching, Alder was finally let free to speak to get dressed by his stylist. He was dressed in a plain brown suit with a vest, it was okay. Like all things about these Games, it was less than the minimum but who was he to complain (a corpse).

Logyn was dressed in similar garb, although there was a slight skirt involved, which to Alder’s knowledge was a struggle for the stylist to wrangle him into.

They met up backstage and were ushered through to the stage, Alder watched the District 1 female tribute with slight distaste on a small screen which the tributes gathered around. He hadn’t cared to learn her name, but wished he had because it would have been easier to line them all up in his head. Logyn was tucked against his side as the District 1 male tribute and District 2 tributes went up. Then it was time. He glanced over to where she was walking up and saw her staring at him with slightly fearful eyes.

“Now let’s welcome District 3's Rose Flowers ,” Rose took her seat on the stool across from Caesar. She was dressed in a very short blue dress. And by gods, did he hate seeing her shift uncomfortably in the dress. There was a red bow tied around her neck and he could appreciate the symbolism. “So how have you been faring? That ten was a sight to see for us, I am very impressed with you.”

“I’m doing just great Caesar, thank you for asking. I was quite surprised myself when I saw it,” Rose says politely and smiles such a sunny smile that Alder actually staggers, Logyn looks over in concern but doesn’t ask.

“Now, if you don’t mind telling us, what did you do to get that?”

“Now, Caesar, I may be new here, but I know that I’m not supposed to tell you that.”

“Maybe so, but I know somebody that you know that sat in my studio a few years ago, and said something similar to you. It was your brother,” and just like that Rose looked shattered, and in an instant her eyes turned icy and cold. She looked similar to a cat about to claw at you, her eyes were thin slits and her lips were pursed.

“Well, there’s not much to that story, I’m afraid. As you know he did not win,” Rose said shortly and looked over into the distance right over Caesar’s shoulder.

Caesar smiled kindly, the crowd was completely silent and he smiled apologetically before asking his next question, “What would he want you to do? What would he say to you, if he were here now?”

“He would tell me to be strong and survive for as long as I can. He would tell me that if I won, then–” Rose paused and then pulled a face, “He would tell me that the only thing worth living for is somebody you love.”

“That’s a beautiful thing,” Alder looked out to the crowd and saw several people quietly crying or openly sobbing.

“It really is,” Rose smiled and for the first time in the short time he knew her, there was true and deep grief etched onto her features. It was a damned good thing that there was no bread or fire nearby or Alder would have married her right there.

Caesar cleared his throat awkwardly then asked another question, and that was that, the buzzer went off and Rose left in a flurry of blue and dark brown, Alder barely got a look at her before she was running through the backstage area and into the bathroom. In that single look he got of her face, he saw tears gathering in her eyes.

The other tributes’ interviews come and go, Rose’s interview left not a single mark on the self-important and silly Capitol folk. And suddenly Logyn went up on stage, he was just as awkward as Rose had been, if not more so, Alder barely heard what Logyn had said as it felt as if his ears were stuffed with cotton. But he vaguely remembers hearing booing as Logyn was ushered off stage.

Alder was shoved on stage and he stumbled over to the stool, he nodded at Caesar and blinked, trying to clear the spots in his vision.

“Alder Steele! Hello–” Caesar asked about how Alder was doing and Alder just said okay.

“So, what are you hoping to do if you win? Got anybody waiting for you?” Caesar was far too eager in Alder’s totally unbiased opinion.

“Well, I have my mom and little sister, but other than that, not really. Logyn is my best friend and as you know, he came with me.”

“How about anybody, romantical?”

Fuck, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit. What the actual fuck?

Alder fumbled, “Uh– Not really I mean there's this one girl–” He said in a tumble then stopped suddenly when he heard what he had just confessed to all of Panem.

FUCK.

“Oooh,” Caesar cooed, “Do you have a crush? Do tell.”

Holy motherfucking shit.

“Well– It’s a bit complicated, see she’s not really home, in 12.” Alder was on the verge of tears at this point, he just kept digging his grave deeper and deeper.

“Oh, is she? Has she passed on?” Caesar asked tentatively and Alder rushed to say,

“No! Nothing like that–”

“Oh. Is she? Did she come with you, here?”

Then Alder threw caution to the wind and nodded solemnly.

“My boy, that is a tragedy indeed, and I suppose you won’t be telling us who that is?”

“Yes, I will respect her privacy and will not be disclosing her name, but, yes.”

The buzzer rang and Alder cringed as he walked off stage As soon as he got to the backstage area, Logyn crowded him and walloped him on the head, then stopped and asked in a low tone, “Is it, you know?” Alder felt like an animal cornered but nodded all the same and suddenly he was in District 12’s penthouse and Effie and Haymitch were looking at him with imploring looks.

“So? What do you have to say for yourself? What do you mean she’s a tribute ?” Haymitch barked and Alder cowered as the man loomed over him.

Suddenly Alder felt very righteous and angry , it flooded through him, his blood boiled under his skin, his teeth were clenched as he snarled at Haymitch and bared all his teeth. “What I mean Haymitch , is that she’s a fucking TRIBUTE! What else could that possibly mean? Yes I like ROSE FLOWERS, but that doesn’t fucking matter beacuse we’re all just FUCKING corpses . She’s a dead girl walking and so am I!”

Haymitch glared, his nostrils flared and his eyes burned, “I should make you tell that girl, doesn’t she deserve to know?”

“No! Because if it gets to the point, when she has to kill me or I kill her, she should kill me, and if I tell her then she would sooner kill herself.”

“Shut the fuck up, ALDER! Are you hearing yourself? You sound like a fucking lunatic, Rose doesn’t deserve this shit and yet you are still gonna put her through it!”

“LOGYN, if I accept that I might– Then I won’t be able to watch her die, I won’t be able to do what I need to do, and if I can’t do it in the end, then she will be condemned to living. Always left behind, we will move on into death and she will be alone ,” Alder whispered to his friend.

“I understand that, but, Alder–” Logyn tried, searched for the words but gave up and hung his head in acceptance.

“Y’know, kid, I believed in you, I thought, that one could do it, or die trying. He’s got morals and a will to live. I don’t wanna be wrong,” Haymitch admitted and Alder hung his head, he felt like a child who had just been thoroughly scolded by his parents.

Effie had been strangely silent and subdued for the entire argument, “He’s right, it would make her passing more painful if she knew she was leaving somebody.”

“I don’t want to, but– Everybody does things they don’t wanna,” Alder said quietly then they all parted ways for the night. Logyn did not crawl into his bed that night.

*+=+*+=+*+=+*

Rose hated that. He hated how Caesar looked at her with such pity and how her fellow tributes would no doubt think of that every time they thought of her.

Rose had been thinking about Griffith a lot, more in those few days than she had in the years following his death. She found herself wondering more often than not, what would he do? 

Ever since they were going her brother had always stood up for her and supported her, always been a shoulder to cry on and a presence to lean on.

But now, there was air where he once was.

After she had cried in the bathroom and got back to her District housing, Callum had scowled at her and Beetee had looked at her in utter pity. She hated it. She did not want Alder to see her like this, so she didn't go up to the roof and instead tried to get some sleep before her funeral.

TBC…