Chapter Text
Drapetomania
You watched out your window as the light flakes softly fell. It was another incredibly cold morning and you had to get ready for work. Maybe you should call off, did the store really need you in today, anyway? You glanced away momentarily, actually considering taking the day off.
No. Your parents would be livid. They would probably talk under their breath about how their adult child was incompetent and abusing their love or something like that. They always had something to complain about. It’s all they ever did… cry, complain, and fight. It was tiring.
You wanted to escape it all. You wanted to flee, to run. But… where would you run to? You thought, at first, that work would suffice, that it would be your escape, but work was no escape, in the end.
The bustling of people, the bright lights overhead, it would all be too much. You let out a sigh. Oh well, you would have to go onto work anyway, lest you anger your parents. You got dressed, put on your backpack, and grabbed a notepad and pen.
During moments of peace and quiet, you would jot down notes and doodle in an attempt to calm the racing thoughts within your mind.
You clutched the pen as you approached the kitchen. As quietly as you could, you assembled your lunch: a sandwich with the fillings of your choosing. You could see your parents watching you out of the corner of your eye.
“Long shift today?” Your father pressed. He was a quiet man most of the time, but his main emotion was frustration.
You nodded, “A seven hour shift today.” You answered. You loved your parents, truly, but you had been drifting away from them, drifting away from the happy memories you shared with them. You still cared about them, but you needed to get away for a while.
Just a little break.
“Do you want us to pick you up after work?” Your mother asked.
You contemplated the offer, but decided to decline. You wanted to take some time to think about your life on the walk home from work. It wasn’t a long walk, but it would have to suffice.
“No thank you,” You gave them a weak smile, “I’ll be fine. Love you guys.”
They replied almost solemnly as you left your home behind. You were already reaching for the Nano in your pocket, craving the tunes it would play. You placed the earbuds in and switched the device on.
Immediately, you felt the weight of the world lift off of you. Music always made you feel free, it seemed to take you elsewhere, to a place where you could be whatever you wanted to be.
The walk to work was short, however, and you soon had to yank the earbuds out and take in the sounds of the world around you again. It was dreadfully cold out, something you hadn’t noticed until the music was gone.
Quickly, you made your way inside, greeting the few staff members that stood around the nearly empty store.
Today would be a slow day, you could already tell. It was probably because of the snow. For some reason, people would stock up before the storm like it was the end of the world, and once the snow fell, everyone remained inside.
You secretly wished you could’ve been one of those people.
But you weren’t one of those people and you had to face today like any other retail worker in 2011. You had to go about your duties and hope that the time would fly by in a decent blink of an eye lest you let your sanity go.
Your coworkers were quite friendly, but your boss was an absolute idiot who had obviously never worked a day in his life. All he ever did was sit comfortably and boss his employees around like he was the king of the castle.
You rolled your eyes after passing by him.
He was drinking a coffee and talking on his phone.
Whatever. Is all you could muster mentally.
You rubbed the music player in your pocket, fidgeting with it as your eyes wandered across your workplace. It was messy here today, which meant that you were probably going to have to stay after a bit and clean.
No one else really did their jobs, aside from two other employees, whom you thought of fondly. If you weren’t so anxious and paranoid, perhaps you would’ve thought of them as your friends. But you had been stabbed in the back, metaphorically, far too many times to just openly trust someone.
You located your boss, (not the store’s boss, but the boss of your department) and stood near them until they noticed you.
“There you are! I’m glad you’re here,” Your boss greeted you. He looked absolutely exhausted. His hair was incredibly messy and bags hung beneath his bloodshot eyes.
It’s so dead in here today, and yet, he keeps overworking himself. You frowned a bit at the sight, but didn’t say anything about his appearance. “What would you like me to get started on?”
“It’s pretty dead in here today,” Your boss looked around, “So I would prefer if you just kept an eye on the floor and cleaned the back rooms for me.”
Oh thank goodness. You kept a grin to yourself after his statement fully processed in your mind. Cleaning days were always the best. No one would come and bother you and you were able to put your earbuds in without interruption.
The day would still go by slowly, but at least you could enjoy some good tunes.
“Sounds good!” You squeaked in reply. Your voice always faltered when you spoke to someone who wasn’t related to you. You were still trying to figure out how to fix that.
“Thank you,” He smiled weakly at you, “If you’re okay with holding down the fort for the rest of the day, I think I’m going to get the hell out of here.”
You had a feeling that you would say something similar once a few hours went by. But then again… music! You rubbed your thumb across its surface again and smiled to yourself. “Alright, have a great day!”
Your boss gave you a nod before hobbling out of your sight. You watched him carefully and soon as he was gone, you made your way to the back to take a look at the damage left behind by the morning crew.
It was a disaster.
The shipment hadn’t been broken down by the morning crew and the floor was an absolute mess. Suffice to say, it was going to be an incredibly long day. You sighed to yourself before returning to the floor.
Thankfully, your boss had done a really good job at keeping it full, meaning that you could spend most of your time in the back today.
You wrote down the one or two things that you needed to grab from the back before putting your earbuds in. The next few minutes were spent cleaning a few displays and picking apart the load.
When the cooler was more spacious, you took a moment to sit and breathe. You were exhausted, but not in the same way that your boss was. No, this was something different. It felt like your brain was getting buried in your thoughts about how unhappy you were with life. The feeling had been boiling over for a little now, but you had just acknowledged it.
Which was a terrible mistake.
You felt your eyes begin to water as the tears started to uncontrollably force their way out. Work and home, the only two places you ever got to go, were no longer comforting places to be. Your parents were rotten and work was either stupidly boring or far too busy.
You didn’t have any friends, nor did you have enough money to go venture out into the world to search for enjoyable hobbies or activities. So you were stuck, which was one of the worst things to realize.
Slowly, you pressed your body against the wall, trying to fight back the flood of emotion that was about to pour out of you. You tried hard not to think about your situation, you couldn’t give in to those awful thoughts. You couldn’t afford it right now.
You wiped your eyes and took a deep breath before forcing yourself out onto the sales floor.
Out here, you wouldn’t be able to show any emotion so surely this would be a good place to drive those thoughts away, right?
You tended to the empty areas, keeping an eye on any customers that passed by. Only a few of them said hello. Your responses were shaky and quiet, but you held on strong. You couldn’t let any of these strangers see the weak side of you.
They wouldn’t understand why you were upset. To most, you were just an average individual with an okay job and a loving family. No one knew what it was like being you. But then again, you had no idea what it was like being anyone else, either.
You let these new thoughts take you elsewhere. You imagined yourself as a customer, waltzing through the store looking for goods for various occasions. Unconsciously, you pressed an earbud deep and turned on your music.
It was like taking a hit off of a cigarette or a blunt and you were immediately transfixed by the notes that played. You melted away into your head, letting your body autopilot itself as you went about your regular duties for a few more hours.
Time marched on slowly, but the music eased your pain.
And it wasn’t until a customer approached you that you finally yanked the single earbud out and gave them your full attention.
“Are you okay, dear? Your eyes are red!” The woman placed a hand on your shoulder and you froze. It wasn’t completely out of the ordinary for someone to be kind to you, but such a question forced you to draw back as your face grew hot again.
“Allergies!” You sputtered.
“But it’s… in the middle of January?” The woman turned to look over her shoulder and you took the opportunity to make a mad dash to the back room again.
Making sure no one was in the back with you, you peaked around corners and called out shakily. Once you knew the coast was clear, you pressed your body against a wall in the cooler and let out a pathetic sob.
Your thoughts raced again and you were reminded of the mental torment you were under. How unfair it was to be trapped in this life! To be stuck with people who probably didn’t really care about you in a workplace that was draining you of any creativity or flair you might’ve had before.
Softly, your hand grazed your music player and something in your mind told you to beg to it. It was the only thing lately that brought you peace and tranquility. Hence why when it broke a few months back, you took the time to fix it, adding your own personal touch to it. You had no idea how to fix machines professionally, but you learned a bit just to simply repair the music player.
You carefully pulled it out, and rubbed your thumb across its smooth surface.
“Please, take me somewhere else,” You wept, “I just need a little break. I just need to go somewhere else for a little while, please.” You brought it close to your chest, embracing it like an old friend, “I want to go somewhere else.” You repeated over and over.
Something suddenly surged through you, squeezing you tightly. You wanted to open your mouth to let out a surprised sound, but nothing came out. Your eyes flew open only to see an array of colors pass you by.
What’s happening‽ You couldn’t move any muscles in your body aside from your eyes. Fear overtook you as the tears came once again.
Were you going to die? Did you pass out?
Before your mind could venture into those dark places, you landed on a platform. Your body gave in and you fell to the ground. You closed your eyes and breathed, believing that whatever was happening to you was probably some delusion or result of a panic attack.
So you counted:
One.
Two…