Chapter Text
Ellie woke up to murmuring, and a headache. Her eyes felt heavy, as she pried them open to a blurry image. Vaguely, she realised she was in a car. The rhythmic hum around her the same as when they were in the truck from Bill and Franks place, the motion familiar. Joel and Lucy were in the front seat, talking in low, muddled voices.
Ellie made a weird, keening noise, trying to get her numb mouth to move and form some kind of question. Tried to remember how she ended up in the backseat of a car, her legs bare and cold in a way they decidedly weren’t before. The last thing she remembered was getting a needle jabbed into her neck, screaming for Joel or Lucy.
She jerked up suddenly, cold dread in her chest that settled quickly when Joel turned to look at her, his head whipping around to face her despite the fact that he was driving, one hand reaching back to grab hers blindly as he soothed “it’s okay baby girl, we’re all okay.”
“How?” She croaked.
“Shot up the hospital.” Lucy said with a shrug, like that was a totally normal thing. She had a habit of doing that, Ellie had learnt over the months. Saying batshit things with a totally straight face. Joel said she was probably crazy, when they’d first met. So far, she’d only ever proven him right. Ellie still thought she was cool though, at least when she wasn’t being annoying as fuck.
“What about the cure?” Ellie mumbled. Joel squeezed her hand softly, a motion she was sure was preparing her for disappointment.
“Remember what I said about the monkeys?” Lucy asked. Ellie gave a jerky nod. You’re more useful alive than dead, she’d said while boring into Ellie’s soul with her eyes. It was the same pleading look Joel had given her, when they sat together in the emergency medical camp. It wasn’t time that did it. Marlene, standing beside Anderson while he jabbed a needle in Ellie’s neck, looking at her almost like she was going to cry. I’m sorry, I wish there was something else we could do.
“They were going to cut my head open.” Ellie said, blinking hard. Reality crashed down on her, a sudden awareness that her legs were bare because she was in a hospital gown, Lucy’s favourite hoodie pulled over it to give her some coverage that wasn’t a shitty paper dress. She frowned, hot anger licking at her insides but her head too muddled to sort it from the rest of the emotions swishing around in her stomach. “fucking stupid.”
“So fucking stupid.” Lucy agreed, unbuckling her seat belt all of a sudden. Joel jerked in surprise, his grip on the steering wheel turning white knuckled as he watched her out of the corner of his eye as she climbed over the centre console and into the backseat with Ellie, picking Ellie’s legs up to plop herself down on the seat they were laying across before settling them back down in her lap. It was nice, not laying by herself in the backseat, Ellie thought. “How’re you feeling?”
“Cold.” Ellie said.
“Lucy, put your damn seatbelt on.” Joel said sternly. Lucy rolled her eyes, but complied as she gave Ellie a long suffering look that made Ellie giggle a bit deliriously. Lucy smiled at her, dragging a finger along the bridge of her nose. Probably some test or another to see if she was dying, like all those times she’d seen Lucy shine a flashlight in Joels face whenever he hit his head on anything. Ellie didn’t know what she was looking for, but she followed Lucy’s finger until she went crosseyed, Lucy laughing as she did.
“They got you on the good stuff, huh jellybean?” She said. Ellie wrinkled her nose at the nickname, but any protests she had were drowned out by Lucy reaching behind her into another row of seats that as far as Ellie was concerned, appeared out of fucking nowhere, leaving her thoroughly entranced. She sat up roughly, swaying to the side as dizziness crashed into her. Ellie did not like the feeling at all.
“I feel weird.” She admitted, just in time for her mouth to rush with saliva and the acrid taste of vomit to roll off her tongue and right onto the floor of the car.
A three hour pitstop later, in which Joel carefully helped Ellie clean the puke from her face with water from his canister while Lucy picked through the houses on the street they’d stopped at in search of supplies, returning triumphantly with a change of clothes for Ellie that were only a little bit too big and a can of fucking fabreze to hose the car down with, they were back on the road.
Lucidity returned slowly, and brought a headache along with it, leaving Ellie down for the count stretched across the backseat while Lucy and Joel did that weird sitting in silence beside each other thing they did. Back when they were in the retirement home, Ellie had woken up once to Joel missing from the bed beside her, and when she’d poked her head out to see where he’d gone, she had found him and Lucy, sitting together on the couch silently in the dark like a pair of fucking weirdos.
Ellie, for once, appreciated the silence, if only because it gave her a chance to actually wrap her head around everything. The fireflies had lied to them, ambushed them in their room so they could fucking kill her. They’d literally ripped her away from them, kicking and screaming. She should be glad they’re dead. Any other time, she probably would be. But there was also guilt, gnawing, all-consuming guilt, eating away at her stomach as she stared at the ceiling of the car and listened to the hum of the engine.
There would never be a cure now. The only people who even had a chance, who were even trying, they were dead and it was all Ellie’s fault. Lucy and Joel had chosen her over the world so quickly, like it wasn’t even a thought. The chance of it all meaning something was gone. She didn’t know how she felt. Everything a mix in her chest that made her already pretty fucking horrible headache even worse with the sting of tears.
They stop for the night not long after sunset in Downey Idaho, hauling up in one of the abandoned houses that line the overgrown streets, Joel parking the car around the back out of view. Lucy makes herself comfortable right away, wandering away the second Ellie and Joel are situated in the living room, clattering around the house pulling open drawers and peeking into long abandoned bedrooms.
“Are we going to Tommy’s now?” Ellie asked softly, staring at the fire Joel had started in the fireplace. He’d wrapped the blanket that apparently came from the car around her, and she had been too tired to shrug it off. She wasn’t even sure if she was angry with him yet, anyway.
“Yeah baby girl, we are.” Joel said, poking at the food he was heating up over the fire. Campfire grilled 20 year old beans, courtesy of the house two doors down. They sat in silence for a minute, Ellie watching the flames rise and fall and flicker with each prod from the metal rod in Joel’s hands, before he spoke again. “I’m sorry things didn’t work out like you were hoping.”
Ellie shrugged, pulling her legs to her chest and wrapping the blanket tighter around her shoulders, like she’d be able to squeeze all the complicated feelings out if she just cocooned herself well enough. “I don’t know what to do now.” She admitted quietly, turning to look at Joel seriously. Everything, for months, had been about getting to the fireflies, After being comprised only of thin promises to be made good on once she did what she had to do. “What do I do now?”
“You keep going.” Joel said, resolute and serious. You keep going for family, he told her once. She’d never had a family before, at the time, but she thought she understood what he was saying. Leaning over slowly, until her cheek was pressed into his upper arm, she knew she did now. She wasn’t angry, she didn’t think. Not at him at least. She never wanted to leave him, not by choice. It was nice to know that he didn’t want to leave her either.
Lucy crept back into the room, arms laden with things. It was almost funny, her ability to find absolutely anything among all the junk that surrounded them. She was a well practiced scavenger, her apartment back in Colorado was proof enough of that.
“Are we having a moment? Can I join?” She asked cheerfully, plopping down on Joels other side and spreading her haul out before them, sitting so close that their thighs were pressed together.
“Now where in the hell did you find all of this?” Joel asked, impressed. There were flashlights, that after a quick test proved to be in good condition, new sleeping bags to replace the ones that they’d lost back in Salt Lake, a packet of hair ties and bobby pins, a thermos, and a cow toy that had a velcro opening in the back with a little sack stuffed with beans inside.
“A lady never tells,” Lucy said coyly, winking at Ellie when Joel gives her a dry look. Ellie grinned back at her. It was nice having backup in teasing Joel. “We talking about this settlement your mysterious brother is part of again?”
“Yeah,” Joel replied, poking at the beans once more before deciding they were done and taking them off the fire, setting them aside to cool. “It’s in Wyoming. Provided the car doesn’t crap out on us, should only take us a few hours to get there come daylight.”
“Great,” Lucy said, happily stealing the fork that Joel was holding hostage to shove a bunch of boiling hot beans in her mouth, sticking her tongue out and panting like she had no idea that burning her mouth like an idiot was even an option. Joel just laughed at her, passing the bean can to Ellie next.
“Blow on it. It’s hot.” He instructed, like she didn’t just have a demonstration of that from Lucy. Ellie obeyed, not willing to go out in sympathy with Lucy, taking her forkful and blowing on it until the steam radiating off the beans abated pointedly. Lucy flipped them both off, leaving Ellie to hide her laughter by shoving her face into Joel’s arm.
The car, predictably, craps out on them not long after they pass the faded sign announcing their departure from Idaho and arrival into Wyoming.
“Well she got us close enough,” Joel muttered, slamming the smoking hood back down to round on where Ellie and Lucy were sat in the back playing rock paper scissors to pass the time. “We gotta walk the rest of the way. It’s about a five hour hike, but we can manage that, remember?”
Ellie grinned, scooting out of the car, enjoying what felt like something special between her and Joel, and inside joke no one else knew about. If Lucy minded being left out, she didn’t show it, shuffling out of the car after Ellie with a little groan as she hiked her backpack, another find from Downey Idaho, up onto her shoulders.
The hike, compared to all the other shit the three of them had been through in the last month, is basically a walk in the park. Lucy slows them down, but neither Joel or Ellie mention it as they wait for her to catch up, her face contorted in pain but stubbornly refusing to admit it whenever Joel asked if she wanted to take a break.
“You know, Sarah and I used to go on hikes like this all the time,” Joel mused, while the two of them waited for Lucy to climb the slope they’d just finished. Ellie looked to Joel, surprised that he brought up Sarah. Last time she’d come up between them, his face had been pulled tight and angry, his hands clenched and shaking at his side. This time, he looked relaxed if a little wistful. He must have mentioned her to Lucy before too, because she didn’t seem confused about who the hell Sarah was. “Wasn’t her favourite thing, she didn’t like the mosquitos, but she was a big climber. That girl would see a big rock and just phew.”
He jutted his hands out, gesturing Sarah’s speed. Lucy laughed, finally meeting them again, the three of them pausing while they pretending she wasn’t hunched over catching her breath. “I reckon she would’ve liked you two.” He said, looking between Ellie and Lucy fondly. “She was a little shit too, she’d be thrilled y’all are carrying on her hard work.”
Lucy gave a mock salute, grinning at Joel as she straightened up “happy to be of service to the cause.” She said.
Ellie laughed softly, and deciding to take her chances risked asking a question that had been lingering in the back of her mind since she’d first learnt Joel had a daughter Before. “What was she like?”
“A lot like you,” Joel said, smiling at her softly as they began to trek on once more, the pace a lot slower now that a conversation had been struck, “not that your the same. You’re definitely different kids.”
“How so?” Ellie asked.
“She was a lot more… I wanna say girly.” Joel said consideringly, before realising Ellie might take offence to that statement and turning to reassure her “not that I’m saying you ain’t girly-”
“I’m not.” Ellie reassured.
“I think I’d be girly, if I had the time.” Lucy mused, linking hands with Ellie and swinging their arms lightly between them. “It seems fun.”
Joel huffed a soft laugh, looking between them both “She was taller than you,” he said, nodding to Ellie “a bit shorter than Lucy though.”
“I just have good genes.” Lucy quipped. She was barely shorter than Joel, all long limbs and pointy ass elbows.
“She had a killer smile,” Joel said, face soft and fond with remembrance “she would’ve loved you two, you’d have made her laugh. I think y’all would’ve liked her back.”
“Yeah,” Ellie agreed “I think so too.”
“I like anyone who bullies you.” Lucy agreed, as they rounded the top of a hill to see the expanse of Jackson below them.
“There you go.” Joel said, pausing at the top of the hill, looking back at Ellie and Lucy “not that much further now.”
“Oh thank fucking christ.” Lucy muttered to herself, making Ellie snort.
They forgot to warn Lucy about the horses and the dogs, and they narrowly avoid all getting shot by Joel tugging her back into his chest when she tries to lunge at the people surrounding them with her knife. They’re just lucky Maria recognised them, eyeing them from on top of her horse like she’s impressed they managed to make it back.
“Welcome back.” She said simply, watching Lucy skeptically as Joel muttered reassurances to her that they weren’t here to hurt them. Lucy, for her part, looked like she didn’t believe him but was playing along for the sake of not hurting his feelings, keeping her knife clutched tight in her hands. “You know the drill.”
Lucy, probably because she had an attack dog of her own who Ellie watched rip a guys throat out once, was tense as the dogs sniff at her, holding her knife to her chest like it’s a teddy bear and standing still as a statue beside Joel while Ellie’s already dropping to her knees, intent on petting the dog the second it decided she smelt alright.
They’re ushered up onto horses, when they’re deemed healthy and not threatening, though Ellie watched a few of Maria’s fellow patrollers eye Lucy and her emotional support knife wearily as she climbed up on the horse behind Joel, her leg making it too hard for her to ride on her own.
Jackson was just as impressive as it was the first time, the heavy wooden gates opening to let them in with a rumble. It looked different, in the spring. Snow no longer blanketing the ground, giving everything a wintery white glow. Lucy, with no prior context for the town except for the bits and pieces Ellie and Joel had told her on the way, was in awe.
“Holy shit.” Ellie heard her mutter into Joel’s shoulder, Maria’s eyes sliding over to them with interest, “am I fucking dead? Joel, did we die?”
“You’re not dead.” Joel assured with a snort, reaching out to squeeze her wrist lightly as the horses slowed to a trot and Ellie spotted a familiar moustached man by the stables, grinning from ear to fucking ear.
“Well look who finally showed up.” Tommy called to Joel, who grinned back at his brother as the horses stopped and everyone started to climb off. Tommy turned to Ellie, when she was the first off the horse, Joel pausing to help Lucy down. “And how’re you doing little miss?”
“Fine.” Ellie said, but any elaboration is cut off when Lucy’s feet hit the ground and a strangled, really fucking concerning noise escaped her throat because the last time Ellie heard her make that kind of noise was right before she stabbed Joel in the face and locked herself in the bathroom screaming.
When Ellie whipped around to see what was happening, Lucy was staring at Tommy, eyes wide and wet. Tommy was staring back her, his grin gone and his mouth now agape.
“Tommy?” Lucy asked, voice soft like the breath had been punched out of her, Joel jerking in surprise at the clear recognition between his brother and Lucy. Suddenly, Ellie remembered Lucy’s story, from right after Silver Lake about her friend Tommy. Who was a firefly, just like Joel’s brother Tommy had been.
“Hey there Lou.”