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Looking at the rushing around him, Dark Cacao wondered if he should’ve picked another time to visit the Vanilla Kingdom. Sure, in hindsight he couldn’t have known that a group of power-hungry raiders had attacked the outer parts of the kingdom. Things were clearly getting handled, so he didn’t feel too awkward being there.
Still, feeling awkward was something he hadn’t done in a long while. He really didn’t like it one bit.
Some healing tents had been set up, and some occasional vanillian healer he didn’t recognize zipped from place to place. Seeing as Pure Vanilla wasn’t here, Dark Cacao straightened up his coat. Fortunately, it didn’t take long for someone to recognize him and point him in the right direction.
“The king? Oh, we sent him back to his chambers. He’s been working quite hard these past few hours, and we have it handled, so we made sure he could get some rest.”
The trusted king of the Dark Cacao kingdom was let through, and he couldn’t help but swallow thickly. He had seen the surroundings a few times when he had previously come over, but even as he looked around his mind was on Pure Vanilla. He didn’t know why his worries were increasing so quickly, and basically out of nowhere. He just had a deep, instinctive feeling that something was wrong.
Standing himself in front of the door to Pure Vanilla’s main chambers, Dark Cacao held his breath. He was just.. visiting a close friend, nothing more. Some celebrating was definitely in order, given how all of them had set up kingdoms to their own liking. So, he was about to knock on the door but stopped himself at a strange sound. It almost sounded like..
A whimper of pain and shock.
Dark Cacao instantly felt a sense that his worries were correct. What went wrong? A million possibilities went through the king’s mind, quickly reaching to the hilt on his hip for his sword. If someone had sneaked in to attack the healer, he needed to be prepared. Hell, just having his sword in his hands made him feel that much more ready. Not sparing another moment, he rushed the door open, slamming into the wall as he sprinted in.
It took Dark Cacao a moment to realize what he was looking at. Pure Vanilla sat at his desk, layers off his outfit laying to the side, either on the floor or on the grand bed, holding a razor-sharp small knife in his hand. Both of his arms had deep gashes all over them, jam dripping onto the napkins that were covering a part of the desk. The Vanilla Orchid Staff stared at Dark Cacao, and when he realized who it was, the blond’s expression turned into one of humiliation, his trembling dripping some jam onto the floor.
“D-Dark Cacao Cookie..” he practically whispered, unsure of what to say.
After the moment of silence and shock, Dark Cacao regained his senses and quickly approached, grabbing ahold of Pure Vanilla’s arm, making sure to not touch any of the wounds. Though his grip might have been harsher than intended, seeing Pure Vanilla flinch for just a second. His eyes opened cautiously, unfocused eyes blurring with tears. As Dark Cacao’s grip softened, Pure Vanilla took a long, deep breath.
“What’s the meaning of this, Pure Vanilla Cookie? This.. isn’t what it looks like, right?”
It was almost like the other king’s sentence stopped Pure Vanilla’s, and silence took hold of the room once again. Glancing at the door, he tried to think of the right words. The tension in the air was thick, the cacaoian making sure to close the door to make sure that the conversation would stay private. At least for the moment.
“..You are correct. It is what it looks like.” Pure Vanilla says. “I really didn’t want to bother anyone with such a personal problem, but it looks like I don’t have that choice anymore.”
Dark Cacao gritted his teeth. He didn’t understand. Of course he had heard of cookies who harm themself, but he never expected his.. someone he cares about to do that. He couldn’t understand why, especially Pure Vanilla who’s always been a skilled and compassionate healer, would do that. Maybe he would never truly understand.
He exhaled heavily, reaching to help Pure Vanilla up. Judging by the smell, the large gashes, and the large amounts of jam covered napkins.. he’d be weak from jam loss. And seeing as how Pure Vanilla visibly stumbled as he was helped up, the assumption was correct. He immediately tried to speak, but Dark Choco shook his head.
“We can continue this conversation later. We need to treat your wounds first.” Dark Cacao said. He knew basic first aid, so it wouldn’t be too bad.. hopefully. He could ask another healer if it became too much of a difficulty.
Pure Vanilla sighed sadly with a nod, letting his fellow ancient guide him. He felt so utterly ashamed, he was glad he left his staff behind. Clearly seeing Dark Cacao’s look of pity, or whatever else it could be, made him sick to his stomach. Said cookie sat him down on the edge of the bathtub.
Pure Vanilla held out his arms, wincing as Dark Cacao started to clean him up. He barely winced as his wounds were tended to, as if the tension was cutting off his voice. Or perhaps he was just used to the pain. Being both a healer who’s been in countless battles and doing.. something like this.
After he finished cleaning up the wounds, Dark Cacao bandaged them up. The two made their way back to the king’s bedroom, Dark Cacao not taking his gaze away from Pure Vanilla as the latter threw away the jam-covered napkins.
“My dear friend.. Why are you doing this to yourself?” Dark Cacao finally asked as said cookie sat next to him.
“…I owe you an explanation, so I’ll tell you.” He said softly. “I’ve had this.. habit for a long time, and in a strange sort of way, I’ve found a connection to it. Today’s events have been upsetting, so I needed a way to release the worst feelings. To be a better ruler for all of the Vanilla kingdom.”
“How on Earthbread would this make you a better king?” Dark Cacao asked, anger flaring up due to his worry. He could keep his emotions back, though.
Pure Vanilla’s expression got more serious, and he turned his face to Dark Cacao. “..I know it’s not likely the most rational mindset, but the temporary physical pain distracts me from overthinking. I need to keep a level head due to my position.”
The thick, heavy silence filled the room once more, and Dark Cacao moved to open up the window. The scent of jam made his heart feel heavy, and he also needed a clear head. His friend had been struggling for so long, and he hadn’t noticed. How on Earthbread hadn’t he noticed?
He crossed his arms, looking back at Pure Vanilla. “You’ve really done this for a long time? I find that difficult to believe. I’ve never seen any suspicious marks over your arms before.”
Pure Vanilla relaxed somewhat, putting his hands in his lap. He seemed relieved that Dark Cacao wouldn’t lecture him too badly. “Previously, I’ve been able to heal my own wounds. They very rarely leave scars because of it.. but I suppose I’ve been healing for several hours, and my powers are tired for the moment.”
Of course. That’s why he couldn’t see it. The revelation should have made him feel less guilt, but Dark Cacao still felt the thickness in his throat clamp up. Getting down on both knees next to the other king, he reached for his hands. Pure Vanilla’s eyes opened up wide, his gaze clearly confused. His cheeks darkened slightly, and he tilted his head.
“Um, Dark Cacao Cookie?-“
“You know you can’t keep doing this, Pure Vanilla.” He said firmly, trying his hardest to keep his voice from trembling. “You’re.. my close friend. I can’t stand seeing this happen to you. I’m sure that there is a therapist in your kingdom, someone who would not mind treating the king. Anything to make sure you don’t go too far. You have to do something.”
He sighed in return, closing his eyes yet again. Dark Cacao felt the familiar sense of the healer’s staff staring at him from behind.
“..I know. I should be able to treat my subjects with kindness without feeling sorry for myself. It’s so.. shameful, like I’ve never seen the harshest climates and gone through the trials to get my Soul Jam. I want to keep being able to help people, but I know helping yourself should come first.”
“The mind is also part of your body, and needs training.” Dark Cacao said, running his thumb over some of Pure Vanilla’s calloused fingers. “Nothing comes immediately. But you’ll promise me you’ll try at least? You not only have your subjects, but your friends too.”
It was the first time in their meeting that Dark Cacao had seen a genuine smile on Pure Vanilla’s face. “…I’ll try my best. You never know what will happen in the future, and we need to be prepared for anything. It’s our duty as the holders of the Soul Jam.”
Pure Vanilla gently squeezed Dark Cacao’s hands. He didn’t know what he’d do without him, and even if he’s stern and has.. harsh moments, he wouldn’t choose to love anyone else.