Chapter Text
What if you just... drove away right now? And never came back?
It was an overdramatic thought, Sebastian knew, but one he kept coming back to. Every time he had to confront one of his many, many personal hells, he preoccupied himself with the thought of running. Escape. He wondered if he could ever actually bring himself to do it, but regardless, just having that option comforted him in some twisted way. You could disappear forever. No one would care. You could do it any time.
On this too-bright summer day, his big problem was a doctor's appointment: a simple thing, yes, not even one that demanded much effort on his part. Still, it meant some invasion of personal space, some judgment of his personal character, both of which he loathed in any amount. He stood in front of the clinic and longed to ride his motorcycle into the city, with this dump of a town (as well as, he'd prefer, the striking glow of the sunset) behind him.
But Sebastian felt compelled, by either existential inertia or that it was too damn hot outside, to open that glass door and shamble in. From the front desk, Maru greeted him cheerfully as he dropped into a chair. "Hi Seb! I've got everything ready for you, so just wait until Dr. Harvey calls you in, okay?" He nodded extremely slightly, his usual form of communication with his half-sister, as well as everyone else.
The minutes passed by in agony as he tried, with quiet, rising panic, to disintegrate completely. Tragically, the door further in opened before he made any headway on the problem. "Sebastian?" Harvey called out pleasantly. "Come in, please."
Sebastian rose from his seat—to him, excruciatingly slowly, as all things had to be in a doctor's office—and trudged towards the door. Maru whispered to him urgently, "Please be nice to my boss, Seb." He gave the world's slightest nod again despite having absolutely no intention of doing anything of the sort, so he also glanced back in her direction, which was his way of saying, "I'm sorry I lied. I'm not sorry I'm a real piece of shit."
They entered the examination room. Harvey opened with the typical "How are you doing, Sebastian?" and instantly Sebastian delegated control of his mouth to a much more subconscious part of his mind because he could no longer be arsed to do it himself. "I'd rather take a nap," he sassed, but barely.
To Sebastian's mild surprise, Harvey chuckled gently. "I don't blame you. The early afternoon's prime napping hours, you know." Sebastian felt just the tiniest sliver of relief that Harvey's knickers went untwisted, yet he couldn't help but also feel annoyed at exactly that. Harvey continued, "I'll try to make it quick. You'll be home in no time, all right?"
It wasn't especially all right, but Sebastian miraculously scraped up the energy needed to persevere. He idly wondered when the day would come that he'd find himself completely spent and his wretched body would finally be allowed to turn to dust. Perhaps, ironically, holding onto this hope is what continues to keep him afloat through every trial that comes his way. Alas.
At long last, Harvey declared, "That's all for today, Sebastian!"
Caught off guard, Sebastian asked, "That's really it?" which then he added to the long, long list of things he said and immediately regretted saying.
Harvey hesitated. "Well, I suppose... I ought to mention it would be in your best interest to give up smoking."
At this, Sebastian inhaled sharply. Fuck, he thought, why didn't you just leave it alone. Why didn't he just let it go. Direly unaware of Sebastian's silent anguish, Harvey continued, "And..."
And what! Why isn't he fucking letting it go!!
"Your stress is a bit too high to be healthy. Well, I say 'a bit', but—"
"Fuck off! I don't need to hear a damn thing from you!" shouted Sebastian, as loud as he could bother; it wasn't actually that loud, but coming from such a reticent young man, it startled poor Harvey anyway. And Sebastian would have had a few more choice words for his doctor, but upon seeing the shock and helplessness on Harvey's face, the fire of Sebastian's indignation burned itself out, leaving anxiety and regret to fill the vacuum. What the fuck's your problem? His vision blurred and he bit his lower lip. You asked for this. You literally asked. Don't you yell at him, you little shit. A shadow of an apology started to form in his throat but never made it out: his legs took charge before his voice could, and he was out the door.
"Seb?! Seb!" Maru called after him, but he was fucking gone. "Damn it," she said as a frowning Harvey appeared in the waiting room. "I'm so sorry, Dr. Harvey, my—"
"No, no. Please don't feel you must apologize for your brother," said Harvey, looking mournfully out the front door. "And I'm the one who's upset him anyway."
"I think... I think that's just how he is, sometimes."
Harvey sighed and pushed his glasses up. "Even so..." he began, but reconsidered. "Why don't you go back to work, Maru. Forget about this." He paused. "I'm not even hurt. Honestly."
Maru pondered whether to believe him. She turned around to reply, but he had already left.