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Tomorrow is another day.
It's what Aira tells himself after yet another day of enduring school. Another day of snickers and whispers whenever he walks through the school. Another day of sitting alone at lunch, scrolling through his feed, alone pathetically eating lunch his mother packed for him. Another day of work he can't handle on his own. Another day of the same days as before..
Another day of walking home alone as other kids had their friends walk with them or with family to walk them home. He wasn't so lucky to have someone to chat with as he walked home, or have anyone tell him that they'll talk later before jumping in their car, with their parents waving goodbye to him. He doesn't need that though, is what he thinks as he makes his way through his front door after fumbling for his keys. There could be worser days where he's followed with distant laughs, just for the perpetrators to act as if they were walking their own way and laughing between themselves when confronted. It's nice not dealing with that on a long day, though he'd honestly prefer that over the pouring rain and lightning followed by the deafening crashes of thunder.
Nothing makes another day even less better by his parents at the table, scolding him as he walked by towards his room.
"You should've checked the weather," "We told you it'd be raining."
"Why don't you listen to us more?"
"It's that phone that's keeping you distracted."
"I hope you had no problems with school today."
"Make sure you study for that test tonight,"
"I won't have you failing another class."
Why bother?
No matter how much he tries it's too hard for him anyway. He has better things to worry about than studying for something he's barely going to pass anyway. He won't say that outloud though. Another fight is something for another day. He nods, reassuring he'll do better, before walking off to his room. He can hear a fustrated sigh from one of them, some muttering. He can't care to listen. They don't get the half of it.
He flopped on the bed with a sigh after tossing his bookbag in some corner of his room, relaxing in the comfort of his soft blankets. He rolled over on his stomach as he pulled out his phone. As usual, he had no notifications. He knew better than to expect any, what friends did he have?
There was one, one he held very dear. But recently they hadn't been responding back. He knows their parents are strict though, so he doesn't take the lack of response to heart. He does get a little worried though. It's nothing to overcomplicate thought, this one has always been so honest and caring.. He hopes he'd have a friend like that in real life some day..
Though, no notifications on this day didn't upset him as it usually would. A very popular idol unit would be live in a few minutes! He's glad he managed to speedwalk home without slipping or having the rain slow him down, otherwise he might've been too late!
He smiles for once that day as he opens up the stream, just two minutes from starting.. how lucky could he get!? He contemplates maybe switching to watch on laptop before watching the stream as he read through the live chat, before ultimately deciding against it. He's too tired to move that much anyway..
The stream starts, and he couldn't be more happy. It takes a while for them to perform, people complain. Aira can't find himself to do so. He's so enamored by the idols talking amongst themselves about silly things, probably a stall as some technical issue happened. He doesn't mind. He loves idols to his core. Their perfections, imperfections, everything. The song finally starts up, the idols cease their idle conversations, they sing and dance. Aira can't help the kicking of his legs and the stars in his eyes.
There's nothing in the world that could make him feel instantly better. How could an idol make someone feel so euphoric? He finds himself humming to the music, remembering each verse like it's programmed into him. It might as well be.
Unfortunately everything must come to an end. The group stops their performance with a little bit of side chatter and gives their thanks to the audience before the stream cuts to an end. He stayed till the very end too, even when the idols left the stage and nothing but background music played as people left the live venue. He can't stiffle the giggle that comes out of him as he rolls over on his back and tosses his phone aside which accidentally hit the headboard of his bed. His parents call from other other room and he assures he's fine. He's glad they didnt check or he probably wouldve gotten scolded for doing nothing for two hours straight, the complete opposite of what he was told to do. He starts to reach for his phone before suddenly stopping.
....
Shouldn't he be studying now? Doing homework and cleaning up? Anything other than ignoring the elephant in the room, on his phone as if his problems aren't there? His smile starts to fade away as thoughts formed in his head. It's fine, he'll just do it later. He picks up his phone and starts to scroll, maybe he'll look at other people's thoughts on the live to make him feel better.
..
And he doesn't.. He should be happy. He should feel better, doing the one thing he's ever good for doing.
He doesn't feel happy. There's a nagging tug at his heart. A guilty consciousness eating him up. He shouldn't be wasting his time on silly idols. What's so good about them anyway? He shouldn't be on his phone when he's got a test coming up. What happened to shame? No wonder he's got no friends. Who would want a friend like that anyway? He's too lazy.
He rolls on his side and hugs a pillow tight. It's not his fault, he'll seriously get to it later. School is hard anyway, breaks are necessary. He scrolls slowly, his hands shaking a little. So what if he slacks off a little? Idols make him feel better.. he's going to become one some day, he'll prove he's not useless.
He tries repeating these things, scrolling more, thinking less about his responsibilities. The guilt never goes away. Procrastinating wont get him anywhere. People in real life and online dont think hes cut out for it. His own parents think so too. He's trying too hard.
He'll never make it anyway.
...
He puts the phone down before curling up into his pillow, drifting to sleep with quiet hics and hot tears streaming down his cheeks. He didnt get much done today. Did he? He can't care right now.
Maybe he'll try again tomorrow. He'll be more productive, really.
Tomorrow is another day.