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Paul stood next to John quietly. The two of them were leaning on the wall looking over the river Mersey - the river of home. But it was getting boring by the sea and Paul had often wondered what it might be like to go somewhere else. He chanced a look to his right at the boy next to him.
They'd been standing in silence for some time, just looking. John was still doing just that, gazing at Wallasey over the water, deep in thought. John looked beautiful in the dimming light of the setting sun. The cold November breeze flushed his cheeks a pretty pink and ruffled through his hair. Paul caught himself, quickly looking back out at the golden sky. Out of the corner of his eye, John fished a pack of cigarettes and his ancient lighter out of his pocket.
"S'rry, I only have one left," John mumbled as he lit the cigarette in his mouth.
Paul didn't acknowledge him, instead choosing to voice the something that had been plaguing his thoughts for a while, "Do you ever think about leaving Liverpool?"
John stared at Paul for a moment before looking back out into the distance, "Of course," John answered without deliberation, "But where would you go?"
Paul looked down at his arms crossed over the wall, "That's the beauty of it, anywhere else isn't here."
John let out a small laugh, "Well yeah, but it's one thing wanting to leave and another actually going."
Paul turned his head to look at John, "Do you think you'd miss it if you left?"
John met Paul's eyes and shrugged. He took a drag from his cigarette before answering, "Maybe. It's hard to say because I'm still here, aren't I?"
He was right, leaving home was the sort of thing that you just had to do. You could only prepare yourself so much. You'd have no idea if it was the right decision until you did it. Paul sighed, then asked, "Are you going to share that?" eyeing the cigarette pinched between John's lips.
John smirked, taking it between his fingers, "No chance. This is my last one, I told you."
Paul made a face as John blew smoke at him tauntingly. "Hey, c'mon it's not fair. You can buy 'em now no problem, I still have to steal 'em."
"Should've stolen this one then, ey Macca." John punctuated his teasing by elbowing Paul in the side before promptly handing over the cigarette.
Paul took it from him, surprised. "Oh, thanks."
John winked at him as he took a drag. The gesture made his heart flutter a little. Paul didn't think John would share his smokes with anyone else, not even Sutcliffe. He handed back the cigarette and averted his eyes down at the wall in a futile attempt not to notice John's hand as it brushed against his own. The thought of what it might be like if John took his hand, if he interlaced their fingers, danced across his mind. John’s hand on his face, in his hair, at his waist…
Stop it.
He felt himself blush a little, trying to banish the thoughts from his mind. He shouldn't be thinking about that.
"Here, what if I do this?" Paul looked back over at John, whose face was now inches from his.
Paul started back a little. "Do what?" he asked carefully.
Staying close, John took another drag from the cigarette and blew the smoke at Paul's mouth.
Paul stared at John, shaken. Surely this wasn't happening, he must be dreaming.
He took a deep breath as subtly as possible, trying to gather himself. If this was going to happen, he wanted to do it right.
"Wait, try again," He felt the colour rising in his cheeks as he spoke. Paul saw it in John's face too as he leaned in closer, parting his lips.
John moved closer as well. Then he exhaled the smoke slowly and carefully, getting as much as he could into Paul's mouth. Their lips were so close that they could've kissed. Paul wanted so desperately to lean right in, to close the gap. But he didn't. He stood there for a moment, perfectly still, hardly believing what was happening. His heart was hammering against his ribcage, the feeling keeping him anchored to the moment. Strong and true.
Then it was over. John pulled back quickly, like he'd surprised himself with his actions too. The two lads stared awkwardly back out at the river Mersey with deliberate focus, carefully avoiding looking at the other's face. The cool air felt nice against Paul's hot, embarrassed cheeks.
They stood in silence for a while, Paul could see John continuing with his cigarette out of the corner of his eye. He chose to stare directly forward, fixing his gaze intently on the buildings across the water.
"I'd miss Liverpool if I left, I think, but some things are worth leaving behind," Paul said finally, trying to sound as though nothing happened. He didn't dare look 'round at John but he'd felt the other lad's eyes on him as he spoke.
John deliberated for a long moment before answering, "I suppose there are." There was a wistful note to his voice that Paul was unsure if he had ever heard from him before.
John took a conclusive drag from his cigarette before handing the stub to Paul to finish.
"It's getting on now, I should be getting you home for dinner," he announced with a laugh, turning his back on the river.
Paul followed suit, grinding the cigarette stub under his heel. "Off we go then, Johnny," he said cheerfully.