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It’s been a total of two months since Shadow has last had a proper conversation with Sonic. Well, two months in week.
Shadow doesn’t even fully remember how they get to this point, it was only a few months ago they were so close, basically inseparable. She knows it’s her fault, she made the mistake of getting too close again, she should’ve learned her lesson from last time. Shadow should understand by now that she doesn’t love normally, her idea of love is some sick form of obsession and possessiveness.
The hybrid saw the warning signs and she should’ve taken that as the chance to back off before it got worse and she wasn’t able to leave, yet she didn’t, instead she swore to herself things would be different, that she would handle it better this time. It’s Shadow’s own fault really, she was an idiot for truly believing she would be able to love someone in a normal, stable way.
It’s Shadow’s fault that Sonic decided to distance herself from the other woman, no one else’s, she doesn’t care how many times her friends have shown proof that Sonic was also at fault. She didn’t want to listen to any of it, Sonic was perfect, Sonic could do no wrong and if she did she must’ve had a good reason for doing so.
Maybe if Shadow didn’t make her insecurities so obvious, if she didn’t make it obvious how jealous she got when Sonic spent more than 10 minutes with someone else or when Sonic was visibly happier with others, maybe if Shadow didn’t ask for so much attention, validation, affection then maybe the two hedgehog’s wouldn’t be in this weird state they’re in currently.
Shadow cringes when she remembers how insanely angry she got when Sonic did anything that she didn’t like, how she would ghost the other woman for hours until she felt better. No wonder she left me.
She can’t get the last few words Sonic said to her out of her head, the two hedgehogs had gotten into a huge argument over text about how Shadow was upset at how unaffectionate Sonic had been with her lately. It started as something small but when Sonic said Shadow was becoming too much to deal with Shadow almost went insane causing Sonic to send a paragraph sharing how done she was with Shadow.
”It’s so draining feeling like I’m doing everything wrong, like if I hang out with someone else it’s like I’m not allowed to or if I don’t text or talk to you for a single day it’s like I’m some horrible person. I don’t know what else to do Shadow. I care for you, but I can’t give you what you want.”.
Shadow’s the horrible person, not Sonic. She’s awful for making someone as perfect as Sonic feel that way. She wants to apologise for it and she has but Sonic never wanted to hear her apologies then so it’s unlikely she wants to hear them now.
Shadow’s lost count of the amount of breakdowns she’s had in her bedroom, she still can’t eat without feeling nauseous, honestly she’s thrown up so many times Rouge nearly dragged her to the closest hospital. She misses Sonic, she misses Sonic so much and she doesn’t know how to get her back.
It’s not like the blue hedgehog is completely avoiding her, they still have decent enough conversations if they bump into each other in public or if Rouge drags her to a get together with everyone but it’s not the same. Sonic doesn’t call her Shads anymore, a nickname that only Sonic could use, they don’t reference any inside jokes and they especially don’t sit and talk to each other for hours anymore. It feels more like small talk if anything.
It’s simple, Sonic would say hi and ask how Shadow was doing recently, Shadow would give some half-assed reply and would listen to whatever crazy story Sonic had that day then they would go their separate ways. Shadow hates more than anything.
Just to make everything worse Sonic seemed so much happier without Shadow holding her back, seemed so much more free while Shadow still struggled getting out of bed because Sonic wasn’t fully in her life anymore. It wasn’t fair, Shadow doesn’t understand why she can’t just move on. Sonic wasn’t even in her life long enough to cause this type of reaction.
To Shadow life isn’t worth living anymore without Sonic. It sounds unreasonable and dramatic but she’s sure she hasn’t cried this much over someone other than Maria. She just wants her Sonic back.
-
Shadow sighs loudly as she flops onto her bed.
It’s been around 6 months since her and Sonic have had a proper conversation but she’s been feeling a lot better about everything. Rouge has helped her realise that Sonic was also at fault with what occurred between them but it wasn’t easy to accept that, she’s had Rouge yell at her multiple times about how getting mad at someone for sharing how they feel isn’t something someone that’s “perfect” would do.
She feels like she can finally breathe, her world doesn’t revolve around Sonic anymore. She’s back to doing things she enjoys like dressing up cutesy or drawing in her notebook that Amy got her for Christmas.
Speaking of Amy, apparently Sonic had been venting to Amy about what was happening between her and Shadow but surprisingly it didn’t weird Amy out and she didn’t hold any grudges against the other hedgehog. The only thing she asked was that Shadow had to try and get help by some kind of professional since Shadows behaviour clearly wasn’t normal and someone was very obviously wrong.
Shadow rolled over on her bed to try and get a small nap before Rouge called her down for dinner but before she could properly fall asleep she heard her phone ding. She picked up her phone from where she threw it on her bed but almost immediately threw it again when she saw who texted her.
After months Sonic had decided to send her something, decided to finally reach out. She was hoping it was just for something like asking Shadow to tell Rouge to stop bothering Knuckles again but when she opened the notification it was a long text of sonic apologising.
“Hi Shads I’m not sure if you’re okay with me texting you but I wanted to say this to you since it’s been poking at my brain for a while. I really wanted to apologise for how I placed so much blame onto you when it was also my fault with what happened between us, I wasn’t in the right mindset either and accidentally refused to accept that I was also in the wrong. I meant it when I said you mean a lot to me, it hurt a lot to lose you Shadow.”
The hedgehog just stared at the paragraph but then she heard the ding signaling Sonic texted her again.
“I don’t want to sound too sappy or whatever but I just wanted to say I missed you and I’ve been holding back from checking up on you for so long <\3”
Shadow didn’t know what to feel, on one hand she was ecstatic that Sonic thought Shadow was worthy enough of her time even after not being friends for months while on the other she was so mad that Sonic waited till Shadow was basically over her until she said something. Her hands were shaking and she felt all her old feelings come back almost all at once.
The woman didn’t realise she had accidentally left Sonic on read for over 10 minutes while she was staring at the text messages, but she didn’t know how to reply yet and all she wanted to do was sleep.
Shadow let out a long sigh but sending a quick text back saying she was too exhausted to reply yet and would reply as soon as she woke up from her nap, the blue hedgehog replied almost immediately saying how that was completely okay and she was there whenever Shadow decided to reply. Honestly Shadow hated how kind Sonic was.
Shadow throws her phone somewhere on her bed then almost immediately passes out, she was surprised how exhausted she could get some such a small interaction with someone she hasn’t spoken to properly in half a year. It’s whatever, Shadow didn’t care right now, she’ll most likely tell Rouge about it later but right now what she needed was sleep.