Chapter Text
Life was cold, gray, and monotone. At least in the eyes of Si-eun where everyday felt like the same. At least that was until he met him. Suho. Suho’s presence was a distraction to Si-eun at first, a confounding variable in his controlled experiment he calls life. But slowly, little by little, Si-eun allowed Suho to penetrate the walls he diligently built up over the years.
Si-eun lived not for himself but for his parents. He felt as if he was their living trophy, a puppet being controlled, and his parents, the marionettes. Suho taught him what friendship was, what passion was. But if Si-eun had known what results from allowing himself to feel his emotions, he’s not sure he’d ever open up to anyone again.
Suho is gone. Well not gone, but In a coma. To Si-eun, he’s gone, and it’s all his fault. Si-eun sits by Suho’s bed, it’s another one of his visits. Si-eun has come by at least twice a week after school and just sits there looking at his friend. His brown doe like eyes shine with unshed tears as he sits there slouched on the uncomfortable hospital chair his eyes vacant but swirling with dull guilt.
If only I was better, stronger. Suho wouldn’t be lying here. It should be me. I don’t deserve to be here.
Si-eun thinks bitterly biting his bottom lip which was chapped and gnawed raw. A bad habit that Suho often scolded him over. His thought process is interrupted by a soft voice clearing their throat. It’s the nurse, she tells him that visiting hours are over and walks out leaving Si-eun to collect himself.
Si-eun calmly sighs and stretches standing up, his neck sore from looking down at Suho. He puts on his jacket and grabs his backpack. As he does so his phone slides from his pocket clattering to the ground.
It’s open and still on Suho’s contact from where he texted him earlier that day. Another habit that he’s developed. Suddenly, a notification pops up on the screen as Si-eun leans down to pick up the phone.
Si-eun looks at the notifications. It’s Park Humin. Or as most people call him: Baku. Typical. Ever since Si-eun met the guy he’s been pestering him, but strangely Si-eun doesn’t mind. Sure Juntae and Hyuntak are his friends too, and he does find comfort in their presence, Baku always seems to capture his interest. After all, Si-eun understands Hyuntak’s type of character, a hotheaded fighter, too loyal or too impulsive, maybe both. He understands Juntae as well, a soft hearted kid, strangely adorable but realistically smart as well.
Si-eun is great at profiling others. It’s all about psychology, people all fit under certain categories. After all there’s a reason that personality types exist. He’s great at reading people, their motives, their logic, their behaviors.
Baku is different. He’s energetic but serious, a complete idiot, but surprisingly thoughtful. He’s caught Si-eun off guard multiple times which unnerves him. Si-eun doesn’t like questions that don’t have answers. After all every problem should have at least one solution, that’s just how the world works. To him, Baku is an unsolved equation with too many variables.
Maybe it’s because he forgot what it felt like to have a friend or to even be noticed, acknowledged, or maybe because a small part of him sees Suho in Baku. Whatever the reason was, Si-eun often found himself looking at Baku when the group of friends were together.
Baku himself was often attentive to Si-eun looking at him with big starry eyes full of earnest and something that he can’t quite decipher but it makes him feel strange for some reason. If Baku were to be an animal he would be a golden retriever, a lot of bark and a lot of bite but lovable nonetheless.
Snapping out of his thoughts Si-eun shoves his phone in his pocket and exits the hospital but not before glancing back one last time at a sleeping Suho. The night air is chilly and Si-eun wishes he had left earlier. The last bus has done its run for the night and now he has to make the long walk home. Si-eun doesn’t mind the walk, it’s the silence he minds.
He left his earbuds in his desk at school and can’t study or listen to anything. Si-eun is not one for music or noise, in fact he enjoys the silence. He enjoyed the solitude and silence that had become a part of his everyday life before everything that happened.
But now, the silence slowly suffocated him, it allowed him to think too much. About Suho, about Beomseok, about everything. Si-eun is a thinker, and that’s what his parents loved about him. He was smart and logical so why do his recent thoughts make no sense to him?
As Si-eun walks along the dimly lit path that leads to his apartment his phone buzzes again. He deliberates whether or not to check his phone hoping it’s not his parents nagging him. He’s attended his classes as diligently as ever and stopped fighting after the fall of the Union, well mostly stopped. After a few minutes he decides to check anyways.
It’s Baku. Si-eun finally looks at his phone and he sees 15 new text messages and 2 missed calls.
Park Humin: Si-eun buddy wya? I have chicken it’s ur fav. I’m waiting outside your door! 👹
Si-eun doesn’t smile but his lips quirk upwards slightly. Baku always puts the weirdest emojis in his texts. His pace unknowingly quickens as he nears his apartment. Once Si-eun approaches he sees Baku sitting on floor by his door. His brown hair is flat on one side since he was pressed against the door and his uniform was the same crazy but oddly organized look.
Once Baku hears Si-eun approaching he sits up and looks in his direction breaking out into a broad grin flashing dazzling white teeth
“Hey Si-eunah my ice princess!” Baku booms reaching out to ruffle Si-runs hair much to his dismay
“What took you so long? The chicken is getting cold. You have a microwave right? I brought some leftovers since you ditched us” Baku says referring to Si-eun’s decline at hanging out with Baku and the others.
Si-eun stares blankly at Baku with his doe like, brown eyes. His bangs fall neatly just above his eyes and the light from the doorway emphasizes dark circles under his eyes.
Baku stares straight into his eyes with the same wide grin before looking away slightly stuttering his grin getting somehow wider, and Si-eun wrinkles his eyebrows slightly in confusion
“Let’s not solicit here” Si-eun murmurs calmly and opens his door allowing Baku to step inside. Baku gratefully steps in taking off his shoes and looks around the place. It’s empty and desolate of decorations something that strangely fits Si-eun.
Si-eun reheats the chicken as Baku takes a seat at the table “Wow this is my first time here, makes me feel like I should thank you for letting me in your holy sanctuary” He jokes as Si-eun maneuvers around the kitchen grabbing two cups
“Well you never asked to come over” Si-eun replies softly and plates the now steaming chicken walking carefully over to place it on the table.
Baku laughs a heartily “You’re right my friend, I guess you always are, mister ice nerd” At that remark Si-eun scoffs and sits across from Baku handing him a glass of water who accepts it eagerly downing half of it in one go.
The two sit there silently for a while only the sound of chewing penetrating the air. Baku doesn’t take his eyes off Si-eun the whole time. But he does move his neck from time to time still slightly sore from when he waited for Si-eun at his door. He ended up dozing off in an uncomfortable position and was woken up when Si-eun approached.
Si-eun notices the slight movement of Baku and tilts his head slightly in confusion. “What’s wrong with your neck?” He questions softly his voice barely audible. Baku picks up on the question easily though and grins widely “Ah it’s nothing, just sore from waiting for my ice princess to arrive. Why? Are you worried for me Si-eunah?” He says teasingly and cracks his neck
“I can help you with that” Si-eun quietly says. At his words Baku freezes and whips around to look at him with intrigue “Really? Sure why not!” At Baku’s admission Si-eun nods and leans over the table with a hand out. Before he does anything he cleans up the remains of the chicken as he likes to keep his apartment organized. He then sits back down in his original seat and reaches out*
Si-eun carefully grabs Baku by the back of his neck and wrap his fingers gently around his neck threading them into his hair on the back of his head, massaging and brushing against pressure points to force pleasure And relaxation. At the sudden touch Baku stiffens and starts to fidget his face flushing a pink color against his tan skin. Si-eun noticing his fidgeting uses his other hand to gently grab Baku’s chin to keep him from moving.
“Don’t move” Si-eun murmurs. He’s unaware of the full extent that his actions have on Baku as he’s done this only to himself when his neck ended up inevitably sore after hours of studying. Si-eun carefully looks at Baku’s face studying his reactions searching for any signs of discomfort. Baku now restrained by Si-eun’s hand, blushes a deeper color looking directly at Si-eun frustrated at his apathy and lack of awareness. Si-eun methodically kneads into Baku’s neck alternating between firm and gentle touches.
The apartment is silent and dim with only one lamp by the table on casting a warm glow over the two boys. The atmosphere is charged but comfortable as they silently sit there. As Si-euns ministrations continue, Baku holds back a groan, an unfamiliar heat pooling in his lap. He breathes shakily and jolts standing up swiftly when Si-eun’s finger brushes a particularity sensitive part on his neck. He clears his throat “I uh feel better now thanks Si-eunah” Baku says willing for his body to calm down. Si-eun stand up too and looks at the clock
“It’s late, we have school tomorrow you should go” he says faintly. To which Baku nods eagerly and moves to put on his shoes. At the door Si-eun says his farewells to Baku, but as he is about to shut the door Baku stops it gently with his hand “Wait. Si-eunah” he abruptly says
“What is it?” Si-eun queries. He expects Baku to start talking as he usually does but instead Baku looks down at him, their height different evident, his dark eyes are serious and he’s not smiling. This catches Si-eun off guard and he silently looks up waiting for a response.
All of a sudden Baku leans down and whispers in Si-euns ear. His warm breath tickles and Si-eun feels a flush run up his neck. He only nods in response his doe eyes wide, and at that Baku flashes one more of his signature grins before ruffling Si-eun’s hair and taking off for the night.
Stunned by the sudden proximity and words of Baku, Si-eun methodically prepares for sleep brushing his teeth and changing his clothes. As he lays in bed thoughts swirl around him. From his earlier visit to Suho to his small interaction with Baku, everything prevents him from sleep. Especially what Baku had said. Si-eun mulls over the words before sleep eventually overcomes him and he gently closes his eyes ready for another rough night with inevitable nightmares.