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If Anya was being honest with herself, she had no idea what to expect on her first flight in space.
Anya couldn’t believe her first time in outer space would be for an entire three month haul. The money was decent, and the value of experience was undeniable, but she would be lying if the prospect of being stuck in the vast nothingness of space for months wasn’t mildly intimidating. It terrified and at least somewhat excited her at the same time. Meeting with the crew managed to put some of her worries at ease; especially the Captain. Her first haul only had three other people onboard, including the Captain, his co-pilot, and an engineer to fix any mechanical issues that should arise during their trip.
In the brief overview she was given for the assignment before launch day, they let her know Captain Grant Curly would be heading the assignment. From what she was able to gather from her coworkers' conversations, he was an experienced pilot of almost fifteen years. Admittedly, just hearing that lifted some of the weight off her chest from the fear of her first space flight. Clearly, if he’d made it through that many years in space, he had to be doing something right. Right?
She had been way too nervous to strike up a conversation with the Captain unless he spoke with her first. As her first excursion after passing the Pony Express nursing exam, fresh off of her sixth medical school entrance exam failure, her nerves were practically eating her alive. As grateful as she was to land the job, knowing she still had a long way to go before getting into medical school daunted her. The job at Pony Express had to go well if she wanted to keep pursuing her MD. She was determined to take it seriously and focus on her career. The long days of travel gave her the perfect opportunity to study her ass off. So, God forbid she open her mouth and let something fall out of it that could cost her position, she did her best to keep quiet and productive.
Typically, the Captain spent most of the day locked in the cockpit, ensuring a smooth trajectory for the ship. Despite this, she noticed him more often than not attempting to engage at least one crew mate in conversation whenever he had the chance. She was pleasantly surprised the first time she saw him in the dining hall one early morning, out of his uniform and clearly sweaty from a workout session. It reminded her of the need to keep up her running routine. It had already been two weeks in space and she hadn't visited the onboard gym once, just minding her business in her textbooks or listening to music in the medbay. Anya loved the full physicality that came with running; it was one of the only things that managed to quell her anxiety when her mind wouldn't stop racing. Maybe she could catch the Captain there, if she got her exercise routine back in check.
This morning, she had decided to walk the ship a bit before everyone woke up. After a short waltz through the lower layers of the ship she’d had yet to explore (admittedly, she had no reason to be down there), she decided to come back up the stairs to avoid getting lost in the maze of a freighter. At the head of the stairs, Anya arrived at the lounge and kitchen area the crew would spend time in when they weren’t actively working. Upon entering, she was startled to see the Captain inside already, turning to her as he heard the door slide open behind him.
“You’re up early.” Curly nodded in her direction, adding what she assumed to be some kind of protein powder to an already filled water bottle. It was orange with a cartoon Polle mascot on the side of it. Cute .
“Oh! Captain, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt you..” Anya started, going to turn back into the hallway towards the dormitories. Would she get in trouble for walking the ship while she was supposed to be sleeping? The rules her contract had laid out were very strict on their sleeping hours.
“Interrupt? Nurse Anya, this is a shared space. You’re interrupting nothing.” The Captain gave her a smile as he shook his liquid breakfast inside the shaker, turning it a murky brown color, before drinking it. “Seriously, don’t mind me. I apologize for being out of uniform in the dining hall. I’m not used to anyone waking up as early as me. I try to get some kind of workout in before I’m stuck in that little room all day,” He chuckled, sheepishly scratching the mess of blonde curls atop his head with his free hand.
Anya relaxed the slightest bit, somewhat put at ease by his casual demeanor - and appearance. He wore a plain white tank top along with black sweatpants, with plain black sneakers to match. It was obvious he had just completed some sort of workout, sweat slightly staining the collar of the plain top. She never would’ve guessed he was so muscled under their conservative uniforms. The definition in his arms let her know his exercise routine must be of importance to him.
“N-No worries, Captain,” Anya cursed herself for stuttering, clearing her throat. “I’m usually not awake this early anyways. I think being in space might be messing with my sleep schedule.” Anya sighed, knowing her under eye bags would only get worse as the months went on. Though they followed a similar time zone onboard as their departure city on Earth, the lack of sunlight - or moonlight, for that matter - had her brain constantly tired, but not able to sleep. The five hour maximum from the company certainly didn’t help, either.
“I get that. I think all these years as a Captain have permanently messed with my sleep schedule. That, or the caffeine addiction.” She watched as he took a sip from his drink. Anya frowned, knowing a career as a Pony Express pilot must keep his exhaustion levels high.
“As the ship's nurse, I can’t say I’m thrilled to hear the active sleep deprivation you’re used to. But I guess I should get used to it if we’re gonna be on a similar schedule, huh?” She faked a smile even though the thought of permanent sleep deprivation almost made her want to cry. She really did value her shut eye, especially because it rarely came easily to her. “Besides, it seems to have worked out for you pretty well.” That sentiment, however, was honest; she’d heard all about Captain Curly’s extensive experience before joining this crew. Curly clearly had a good rapport with most of his coworkers and she’d yet to hear something negative about the man. He seemed to be decently important in the company ladder. Anya wondered how he still seemed so down to Earth despite the thousands of miles of space he’d traversed in his career.
“Oh, well, I guess you could say that…” A light redness darkened his cheeks and Anya was genuinely surprised to see this large, successful man so… bashful. “I’m not sure my brain’s appreciated the lack of sleep, though. So you’ll have to forgive me if I’m a little slow sometimes,” He smiled at her, and she couldn’t help but reciprocate it. She’d never had a superior who seemed so laidback. It helped bring her nerves down enough to at least stop twisting her black hair repeatedly between her fingers as a distraction.
She shook her head in disbelief at his statement before continuing. “Well, Captain, you’re at least quick enough to keep the ship on the right track. I think that’s admirable enough.” And she truly did. Piloting a literal spaceship certainly wasn’t something she was even close to having an idea of how to do. It was kind of cool, to be honest. She briefly pondered how similar piloting an airplane and piloting a space freighter were, if at all.
The toothy grin he flashed her dusted her own cheeks pink under his cheerful gaze. What am I, thirteen years old? Get a grip! She chastised herself as he thanked her for the compliment. “Well, thank you for the kind words. Just so you know, flattery will get you everywhere with this crew .” He laughed as he winked at her, hoping she would get the joke. To his relief, she giggled with him. It made his heart feel that much lighter. It was nice to actually have a conversation with someone for once before beginning his first early morning shift. It was usually just him and his thoughts this early in the day. He downed the rest of the drink before rinsing the cup in the sink between them.
“Well, I guess I should get showered and dressed if I want to make it to my shift on time. I'm glad we got to talk. Don't be a stranger, alright? Just let me know if you need anything.” He clapped her on the shoulder as he strolled back towards the dormitories. Anya had to force herself to keep upright under his heavy hand. She was sure he had no idea how strong his pats on the back really were.
As she watched the door close behind him towards the crew’s quarters, the false moonlit screen changed to a bright sunrise just peaking over the horizon. Damn , she thought, not intending to spend that much of her allotted sleep schedule simply meandering about. She supposed if she wanted to be ready on time to clock in, she should consider getting ready as well. With a quick glance to a clock on the wall behind her, she deduced she had about 40 minutes before her call time - maybe she could fit just a little 15 minute nap in there before the day truly began.
Heading back to her quarters, she couldn’t help the smile on her face as she reflected on her conversation with the Captain. Even though it was short, it made her feel so much better to know her superior was someone who she could actually have a casual conversation with. It made her want to know more about him - and now, she at least knew when he worked out.
Maybe an occasional morning run would do her some good, anyways.
-
Anya preferred working out during the day. Usually, on Earth she would be constricted to daylight hours for her runs. She felt a bit too anxious to trust running in the dark of night, and she much preferred the fresh air in her lungs and sunshine on her skin to a metal machine in an industrial gym. But on the Tulpar, there were no daylight hours. Unless you counted the artificial sunrises in the medical bay and the common area, which she was slightly embarrassed to admit she actually enjoyed. Nevertheless, although stationary running was not her thing, nor night time workouts, it usually was what fit into her schedule best after her shift ended.
As the only nurse on board, she was technically “on call” 24/7. But this was only her first shipment, so the crew was small and quite frankly left her with little to do. She made sure to bring multiple textbooks and study guides, but at a certain point all the information just started to blur together in her brain. So, when she couldn't take another minute of studying, and there was nothing left of her (admittedly small) list of tasks, she would finish out her day with a run.
Running helped Anya clear her mind. The way her feet slammed into the pavement, her breath coming in strong bursts through her chest. She reveled in the feeling of her body completely focused on performing its very best. It was easy to track her progress, whether she was going for speed or time. Knowing she was at least getting better at something always gave her a boost of confidence. The first time she'd failed her medical school exams, she ran so hard she collapsed on the floor the moment she returned to her apartment. It took her a good hour before she had the strength to lift herself from the ground and take a shower. The complete exhaustion helped keep her mind off the devastating failure of her test results.
Regardless, with six more tests completed, and hundreds more miles of running experience, the routine of a workout schedule helped keep her head on straight. If she spent too much time studying, it began to feel as if her brain was melting. No way was she retaining any of that information when she couldn’t even think straight. So, she found herself in the small gym located in the back of the Tulpar.
Legally, Pony Express was forced to have at least some sort of recreational area with gym equipment on each freighter. The job itself was obviously very stagnant in nature, and there was no way someone could reasonably keep physically active without one on board. This, however, didn't mean it was a particularly nice gym - per what she had learned to be Pony Express signature style, there was about the bare minimum of equipment inside. The ‘gym’ itself was not much larger than the common room/kitchen area where they would play games and eat. The right side of the room was taken over by large floor to ceiling mirrors; she supposed it helped to check your form, as well as give the illusion the room wasn't as small as it was. One elliptical, one step climber, one treadmill - she was lucky it seemed that she was the only person currently onboard interested in cardio.
That, however, certainly didn't mean she was the only person onboard using the gym. She had even seen Swansea come in a few times, lifting some weights with a permanent scowl etched across his face. When she had asked him whether she could expect to see him there more often, he scoffed.
“My wife told me I need to ‘keep active’ if I don't plan on retiring these long flights anytime soon,” he rolled his eyes, moving to stand from the bench he had been curling dumbbells on. “I thought I'd at least give it a shot. Didn't make her any promises though,” the man groveled out, moving to leave the bench not very long after his arrival. She smiled, holding back a laugh - something about his sullen demeanor conceding to his wife, even thousands of miles away made her grin.
“Well, I think it's sweet that she's thinking of what's best for you. And she's right - definitely good to keep active on these long flights.” Anya proved her point by bending her leg behind her body, holding her foot to her back. It would help to get a bit of a stretch before heading to the treadmill.
“Yeah, yeah, I've made it this long. I'm not too worried about it.” The older man rolled his neck around his shoulders as he headed towards the gym’s exit. “Anyways, there's always more repairs to be done on this hunk of junk we're flying on. I should head out before something else goes wrong while I’m gone.” As Swansea approached the door, it opened before he could reach for it - Captain Curly appearing on the other side.
“Swansea! Anya! Wow, I think this is the most people I've seen in here at once,” Curly joked, eyes moving between the two of them. “I didn't know you used the gym, Swans,” the blonde turned to him, a grin on his face. “Trying to surprise Charlotte when we get back home?” Swansea groaned as Curly threw him a wink, blue eyes twinkling with mirth.
Swansea blinked back at the slightly taller man, unamused. “Yeah, yeah, whatever, Captain,” the older man brushed past him on his way out the door. “At least I've got a woman to surprise when we get back!” He smirked back, yelling over his shoulder and effectively ending the conversation as the door slid closed behind him.
“Ouch! Well played.” Curly laughed at the jab, grabbing his heart in a playful manner as he watched the door close behind the engineer. He turned towards Anya as the door whooshed shut behind them, leaving the two alone in the gym.
“And you, Nurse Anya? Should I expect to see you start pumping iron with me on the daily too?” His gaze left hers as he placed his water bottle down on the bench between them.
“Actually, I've been in the gym quite a few times since we left Earth. I think our schedules are just opposite.” She continued, motioning towards the clock that read “20:42” behind them. “I thought you said you prefer to work out in the mornings? I usually come in here at night since it seemed like I wouldn't be bothering anyone else at that time.” Which was half true - while she didn't want to have the awkwardness of having to share equipment with someone, she also personally just preferred to work out alone.
The nurse supposed that wouldn't be the case tonight. It would certainly look rude if she decided to just leave the gym before even working out, just because the Captain had decided on an evening workout that night as well.
“Well, you don't need to worry about that. I'm sure you wouldn't be bothering anyone, especially not me. You can just let me know when you need any of the weights I'm using, yeah?” He nodded towards the weight rack in front of the mirror, dumbbells ranging from 10 pounds all the way to 110 stacked across the wall. “They used to only go up to 50, but one of the perks of being Captain is having a little more of a say as to what actually makes it on to my ship.” A slightly tanned hand reached towards a dumbbell towards the end of the rack that read “70” in bold letters. “If we can't get a full bench set, we can at least get some decent weight on these dumbbells.” He flexed a small curl with the dumbbell in hand, and Anya's eyes unashamedly focused on the way his arm muscles flexed beneath his skin with the exercise, veins slightly bulging. Though he wore a t-shirt instead of the tank top she had seen him in the previous morning, it still left ample space to show off his thick arms.
Her dark gaze snapped back to his blue one as he spoke to her again.
“We can swap off if we need to, I can spot you. I'm totally fine with sharing.” Anya huffed a small laugh as she realized he thought her hesitancy came from the fact that she was waiting her turn to use the large weight he currently had in his hand.
“Oh! Sorry, no, I actually just came here for a run.” She pointed towards the treadmill in the back of the room. “I always enjoyed running back on Earth. It's definitely not the same on the treadmill… I love being outside and breathing in the fresh air. Back home, I live super close to a pretty big park - running the track and admiring the nature around me feels healing.” She smiled, thinking back on the trail waiting for her when she finally returned. It would be a great way to introduce fresh oxygen into her system after breathing recycled air for so long.
“Don’t get me wrong, though. It definitely still feels like hard work. I guess it just makes it easier when the surroundings are so nice.” Anya sighed, then moved slightly farther to the left of the dumbbell rack to bend down and reach for her toes as she stretched her legs further. “Anyways, don’t let me distract you. I’m sure you want to just get your workout done. Thanks for the offer, though, Captain. You’ll be the first to know when I decide to start lifting weights instead.” Although Anya was admittedly glad to be able to still do her workout relatively interruption free, it was nice to know the Captain was willing to workout with her if need be. It also felt nice, if albeit a bit funny, to think that the Captain thought she came to lift weights in the first place.
“Cheers. I’ll look forward to it, then.” He flashed her a smile and she bashfully returned it. The nurse placed her earbuds in her ears as she failed not to blush. Though she had her hair in a ponytail to keep it less unruly during her run, the shorter hairs around her face still stuck out - she hoped it was enough to hide her darkened cheeks as she looked away. Ugh, he was kind of cute, if she was being honest with herself. She was shocked to hear Swansea confirm he didn’t have anyone special waiting for him back home.
It didn’t help that she’d now seen him twice in much less than those restrictive Pony Express jumpsuits. Was it wrong of her to sneak a glance at him in the mirror that stretched along the wall when he wasn’t looking? Almost an entire month had gone by since they’d boarded and she found herself daydreaming on the treadmill… About her boss.
She was officially crazy.
The brunette decided to lock in and pointedly move her eyes away from the mirror beside her. She focused on the music in her ears, the rushing heartbeat hammering through her body as her feet rhythmically slammed on the machine, on her plans for when she finally made it off this flying spaceship. Most importantly, it moved her focus away from the Captain with the pretty blue eyes and bulging muscles working out alongside her.
Almost an hour came and went, as she finally slowed her pace to a brisk walk and eventually a slow stroll to bring her heart rate down. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Curly doing some stretches atop the exercise mat on the floor.
Finishing her workout, she stopped the machine and made her way towards the mat where Curly was seated. It was small, but he was clearly open to working out with her. He probably wouldn’t mind if she decided to take up the space next to him for a quick post workout stretch. She offered him a smile as she approached, setting down her own purple water bottle next to the mat to free her hands for some shoulder stretches.
“I hope this isn’t weird, but I couldn’t help but be impressed by the way you were sprinting on that treadmill. Do you race?” Anya blushed slightly ( again ) at the compliment, but kept her composure as she slipped one of her earbuds out of the ear facing Curly.
“You? Impressed by me? I’m flattered,” She let out a light chuckle, as she switched forms closer to the floor to stretch her quads. Bending at the knee, she turned her head to face him as a couple annoying stray hairs stained with sweat flew in front of her eyes, slightly blocking her vision of the man. “I appreciate the compliment. I mean, I won’t pretend that run didn’t just knock me out. But it’s nice to hear someone’s still impressed even when I look half dead at the end of it. I’ve done a few races, but honestly? Running is usually my best coping mechanism. It’s like… I don’t have the capacity to worry about anything else, because I’m so focused on my breathing, my heart pounding, making sure I’m not tripping over my own two feet… it’s almost therapeutic in a way,” she switched legs as she alternated stretches. “Anyways, I find lifting all that weight you were lifting to be much more impressive. Sure, I could outrun most people, but you couldn’t count on me for much physical labor.”
As she returned her gaze from her feet back to the blue eyes in front of her, she swore she could see the faintest tint of red staining his cheeks. She decided to chalk it up to the increased temperature of the room after their extensive workouts.
“Well, first of all, yes , impressed by you. Sure, being strong makes me feel good about myself. But put me next to you in a race? Psh, you’d have me beat before you even crossed the finish line.” He shot her a smile that felt genuine, and she noted the quick glance he did of her body. She supposed she couldn’t complain when she had been doing it to him discreetly for half of her workout in the gym. She just hoped the sweat stains on her shirt didn’t look too gross. “And by the way? You don’t look half dead. If you looked completely unbothered after that intense run, I’d be a little afraid.” The blonde man chuckled, standing up to full height and inadvertently towering over her as she was still kneeled on the ground, stretched out to pull on her toes. It would almost be intimidating if his demeanor wasn’t so overtly nice. She watched as he bent down to pick up his own water bottle (still that absurdly cute Pony Express cartoon one), and made to head for the door.
“Are you heading out?” Glancing at the clock behind them that already read “22:34”, she decided to stand up herself. “I guess it is getting late. Mind if I walk back to the crew quarters with you?” Instead of speaking his agreement, she watched as the door slid open ahead of him, and he held his arms out before her.
“I don’t mind at all. After you,” Anya lightly tapped his outstretched arms as she walked past him and out the threshold of the door. The soft smile he gave her after the last tap on his second forearm made her unreasonably giddy. The bathrooms were communal, but split by gender. She was the only woman on this expedition - which meant she essentially had a bathroom to herself. It was scary, being out in the literal middle of nowhere with no other female support, but she supposed she’d take the small wins where she could get them. Like the overly large bathroom she had to herself, located just outside the crew’s quarters.
“I guess this is where we part.” Curly turned to her, and seeing Anya’s confused glance, he quickly followed up. “I’ve got a personal bathroom in my cabin. Small perk of being Captain,” he winked as Anya raised her eyebrow towards him.
“Private bathroom, huh? I guess this really is your ship - we’re just living in it.” Heaving an obviously dramatic sigh, she pulled the bathroom door open in front of her. “I’ll be here with the rest of the crew, Captain .” She looked at him pointedly, the title falling off her tongue dripping with sarcasm. It wasn’t like her to be so casual at work, but something about Curly just made it easy. She wasn’t sure whether it was his flirty disposition, his silly water bottle or the ease in which he talked to everyone on the ship - but whatever it was made her want to be more authentic than she’d typically trust herself to be at work.
“Hey! Technically, your bathroom is the fancy one, being the only woman on the ship using it and all.” He let out a small laugh before his countenance turned slightly more serious. “But really, I enjoyed our talk tonight. Don’t be afraid to ask if you need literally anything, yeah?” and with that, he turned to walk towards his own quarters. She walked into the bathroom with a giddy feeling on her chest and a stupid grin on her face. Maybe night time workouts weren’t so bad, afterall.
-
On each voyage, Anya could be expected to do periodic physical wellness checks as well as mental ones. Afterall, once you hit six to twelve months floating in space, someone is bound to be due for their annual physical. But on a shorter three(ish) month haul, like their current one, her job consisted of more of a ‘by need’ basis. Ibuprofen for headaches, sleeping pills to help increase the quality of the inideal 5 hour quota they were kept to. Burn creams, itch creams, flu tests, face masks to help spread infection, should the need arise. While she had some hands-on experience through college and a few internships, this excursion with Pony Express was the first time she was personally responsible for someone’s health other than her own.
No pressure.
Of course, she still had her monthly mental wellness checks. There was no doubt in anyone’s mind that any amount of time in the vast darkness of space could make even the sanest person a little bit stir crazy. Not to mention the liability held by Pony Express should someone get sick, injured, severely depressed, or worse during the haul. Keeping track of everyone’s vital signs and mental state felt like more of a precaution for Pony Express, rather than for the crew themselves. The checklist was admittedly quite surface level - it was hard for her to get a read on anyone with such vague questions. And, of course, she couldn’t force anyone to be honest with her. So, once a month, she found herself teetering on the edge of pushy and overbearing as she attempted to extract information from the other men onboard. She knew men were not ones who typically shared their emotions, and the men aboard the Tulpar were turning out to be no different.
Most of the questions related to work and productivity, anyways. “ Have you been able to complete your mandated tasks efficiently and to your fullest capacity? How would you rate your recent performance?” . The fact that the company actually considered the checklist effective in determining an employee’s mental health was almost laughable. The amount of insincerity she felt in reiterating the same questions each month was disheartening, to say the least. Although she had only met Curly, Swansea, and the copilot Michael a few months ago, she did feel a sense of responsibility when it came to their well being, both physically and mentally.
When it came to Swansea, at least he was transparent. The same gruff, annoyed demeanor he brought to his shift everyday was the same demeanor he brought to the psych eval. Angry about the deteriorating condition of the ship, annoyed with the abysmal increase in pay after 20 years with the company, frustrated that he was solely responsible for any and every engineering issue on the ship. When Anya pressed him on deeper feelings, she rarely got more than a grunt and “I’m fine” in response. Of course, everyone was entitled to their own privacy when it came to their emotions. But it concerned her how jaded and frankly, unhappy he seemed. She guessed over twenty years with a company like Pony Express could do that to someone. After all, the evaluations were technically more to evaluate their performance - and Swansea hadn’t had an issue in all his time with the company. So, his surly nature didn’t impact the evaluation much.
The co-pilot, Michael, generally didn’t have much to say. He was friendly enough, but admittedly she knew the least about him out of the three men onboard. They shared small talk, and interacted when needed, but his evaluations didn’t go much past surface level conversation. He was somewhere between Curly’s overt friendliness and Swansea’s intense grumpiness, answering her questions succinctly and simply. His demeanor generally didn’t give off much other than the vibe that no, he probably didn’t want to be on the Tulpar, but yes, it was a job as much as anything else and he’d do whatever was assigned to him. It at least gave Anya the peace of mind that he didn’t seem too miserable aboard the ship.
Curly, on the other hand, was more of an anomaly. In their two months onboard, in both evaluation sessions he gave almost the exact same answers in his second month as he had the first. It could just be a coincidence, but the way the details matched up so precisely from his first session to his second one almost seemed…rehearsed. As the Captain of almost fifteen years, she knew he had more experience in these interviews than she did. She had to wonder whether the similar answers were truly a result of unchanging feelings, or a carefully crafted list of dodge answers he knew would make the company happy.
She supposed she’d find out today, as Curly was the last on her list for their three month checkup. With only four of them onboard, it didn’t take long for her to distinguish who was approaching the medbay by just hearing the footsteps approaching outside. Michael was relatively quiet, and she usually didn’t hear him approaching until he was just outside the door, especially if her music was playing. She could usually hear Swansea from all the way down the hallway, his steps somewhat slower and lumbering. He also had a tendency to mumble to himself about whatever piece of equipment was giving him trouble on that particular day, on the way to her. He was the most frequent of her visitors, mostly just needing some small bandaging or burn cream if the machinery he was fixing got too hot, or too sharp. She wished he would be a bit more careful sometimes, but Anya was smart enough not to lecture him on how to do his job.
Anya could hear Curly’s footsteps approaching now - not nearly as quiet as Michael’s, but not quite as lumbering as Swansea’s. He walked at a relatively brisk pace and she could hear his footsteps connect to the ground in each assured step he took - as if he was walking with a purpose. And, she supposed, he usually was. Curly was busy piloting the ship most of the day, and usually managed to stay out of harm’s way. However, that didn’t mean she never saw him - he went out of his way to stop by and visit her when it had been longer than a few days of not seeing each other. It was nice to know her Captain cared enough to check in on her. The nurse also genuinely enjoyed speaking with the Captain. She was surprised to find they had more in common than she would’ve initially thought. Like their love of indie music (she’d learned Death Cab For Cutie was one of his favorites when he came in humming along to her own CD playing), or their shared interest in reading (the collection of sci-fi novels he kept in the communal area was quite impressive). He’d even gotten in the habit of asking her about whatever medical book she was studying at the moment, though he admittedly had no medical experience whatsoever.
She watched as the door in front of her desk opened for him, and she smiled at him. “Hey, Captain! Ready for me to pick your brain today?” he let out a small chuckle as he flopped into the seat in front of her. “No music today?” He asked, motioning towards the CD player behind her. She smirked as she turned around in her swivel chair and made towards the machine on the counter, placing Death Cab for Cutie’s “Plans” album inside and shutting the top. Before hitting play, she made sure to put the volume on low in hopes of lessening the distraction.
“Captain’s orders. But no singing along this time, I want you to focus on what I’m asking you. Okay?” she tucked a stray piece of hair behind her ear as she focused back on the man in front of her, becoming more serious. “I know these checks are just routine for you, but I wanna take it seriously.” Anya watched as Curly let out a soft sigh and redirected his gaze towards the clipboard in her hands.
“I understand. Don’t worry, I’ll stay on task. I don’t want to mess up your process. So…” he placed his hands on his knees in front of him and looked into her big eyes. “What’s first?”
They made their way through the repeated list of questions, Anya taking careful note of his response on each question. Although she had about an hour of time allotted for each evaluation, Curly was through every question with still another 30 minutes to spare.
“So. Everything sounding good? Have I gone completely mad yet?” his blue eyes met her brown ones as he smirked at her with a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes.
“No, Captain, nothing seems to have changed from your last evaluation until now. In fact, your responses are so similar I can’t help but think you have an internalized cheat sheet.” The nurse considered him somewhat seriously, which made him feel a bit sheepish as he scratched the back of his head in defeat.
“I’m sorry, Nurse Anya, I don’t want you to think I don’t take you seriously. This is just all so… routine, for me. It’s become kind of second nature to reply to these questions.” He sighed, dropping her gaze and tapping his fingers on his uniform-clad knees. “I don’t want you to think I’m disrespecting you or anything. I’m just not sure what else to say.”
The nurse studied him, noting his surprisingly defeated demeanor. She felt torn. She didn’t want to pry, especially into her Captain’s thoughts who she’d only known for a few months at this point. But, as the ship’s nurse, and as a generally empathetic person, seeing his cheerful attitude drop so fast concerned her.
“Captain…” she trailed off, putting the clipboard on the counter behind her and turning to set another CD in her speaker. She turned back to him with a gaze she hoped he knew was sincere. “I know we just met, and it’s none of my business what you’re going through. But you can talk to me. It can be off the record - yes, it’s my job to make sure all of you are keeping healthy and sane for the company's sake. But I care for you, you know?” As soon as the final words left her lips, she regretted it. Telling her Captain she cared for him? Had she been the one who’d gone mad?
“Not to be weird! Sorry, I just meant… you can talk to me. About anything. As the ship’s nurse, your wellbeing is important to me. And as a friend.” Her brown eyes focused on his fingers drawing patterns atop his knees, fingernails chewed short. She took note of his continued silence and decided to open up a bit herself.
“I’m sure it’s stressful being the ship’s captain. I mean, this is only my first flight and honestly? I was scared shitless to get on here.” His blue eyes shifted from the focus on his hands to meet her earnest gaze across from him. She hoped it was a good sign. “Being in the middle of space, in charge of everyone’s health without even a medical degree, I felt like I was in way over my head. Certainly doesn’t help when the company likes to… cut corners, as much as Pony Express does.” Anya pushed her hair back behind her ears, twirling the curled ends with her fingertips for want of something to distract herself. Was this too much? Was she trying too hard, pushing the boundaries of ‘work safe’ conversation? But she was supposed to be observing their mental states, wasn’t she? It didn’t take a fully licensed MD to see that the man in front of her was struggling with something. “Anyways, I know it isn’t the same, and I’m sure the years under your belt make you much more self-assured than someone like me. But, I guess I just wanted you to know you’re not alone. It’s normal to not be okay all the time.” Finishing her thought, she placed her hands on the table in front of her, waiting for his response. “And for what it’s worth, I think you’re doing a great job.” For a moment, she genuinely thought he might walk away without a word. Then she heard him take a deep breath, and begin to speak.
“I’m sorry, Anya.” The nurse watched as he averted his gaze to the ceiling, running his hands through his golden curls. “You shouldn’t have to waste your time giving me a pep-talk. I’m supposed to make sure you guys can keep it together, but I can’t even handle myself.” The Captain let out another sigh as he finally met her gaze again across the table. “I’m fine. Really. It’s just been a long few… years. I haven’t had as much time on Earth as I’d hoped. Sometimes, staring into the emptiness of space for so long just starts to eat at you. I mean, it’s amazing, seeing all the stars out here. But after 13 years, the sheer amount of empty space out here…I don’t know.” Curly trailed off, gaze moving from her big, brown orbs to her delicate fingers tapping to the beat on the desk between them. “I never realized how much time I’d have to just… think. And I’m not sure too much thinking is good for someone like me.” He chuckled softly under his breath, but it contained no mirth. He forced a smile as he met her earnest gaze with his own.
“I’ll be fine. It’s just .. a bit scary sometimes, honestly. I know I’m good at what I’m doing, but… is just being good enough? Is this all there is for me? I mean, I’ve travelled all these thousands of miles of space just to end up in the same exact place I’ve been since I started at Pony Express years ago. I mean, sure, I’ve made it through the ranks… I certainly don’t make the same paycheck I did when I first started. But, things just feel so… stagnant, you know? And I’m sure I sound ungrateful. I mean, Captain of my own freighter, what should I have to complain about? Seeing the stars, traversing the cosmos…I used to dream about it. My life could be so much worse, all things considered. I just can’t help but feel that sometimes I want something… new. Something different. I’ve climbed to the top of this ladder, but now I can’t help but feel… was I on the wrong ladder altogether?” As his cerulean gaze caught hers again, she couldn’t help but feel empathy for the man in front of her. Anya’s speciality of choice was in psychology, after all - she was studying to help better understand people like Curly. For all of his bravado, his self assuredness now seemed like more of a coping mechanism than a genuine mindset. Anya couldn’t help but be taken aback - whatever she was expecting him to tell her during today’s evaluation, that certainly wasn’t it. She cleared her throat before carefully responding.
“Wow. Well, first of all, thank you for sharing that with me. I’m sure it’s not easy to be completely honest like you just were, and it’s refreshing to see.” His stubbled cheeks turned rosy at her thanks, and she took it as a positive sign. “I can’t pretend to know exactly what you’re going through. I can only imagine the sense of responsibility you feel for all of us, piloting the ship, and trying to still make time for yourself. It’s easy to just go through the motions, and keep it moving like nothing is wrong… but eventually, it catches up with you.” Leaning forward in her chair, she placed her elbows on her desk and slightly lessened the distance between them. “If you don’t mind me asking, when was the last time you took a vacation?”
Curly’s laugh sounded more like a scoff as he sat up straighter across from her. “Hmm… Well, we have a mandated two week leave we have to take between any haul, regardless of length. So I usually just plan around those. Not much I can’t get done in a couple weeks time, anyways.” At Anya’s surprised reaction, he racked his brain to remember his last vacation. “Oh! I went skiing in Vail with my parents a few years back. It was one of the few times I wouldn’t be gone during the holidays, so I tried to make the most out of it. I think we were there for a week or so?” She was happy to see him finally crack a light smile, clearly reminiscing on better times.
“Yeah… it was nice. I’ve always loved Winter sports, and my parents loved the lodge, so it was a win-win. I honestly forgot it had been that long since my last vacation.” He locked eyes with her and noted the empathetic look on her face. “I guess it’s just easy for me to forget where ‘Captain’ ends and ‘Grant’ begins. I think it’s just been easier that way… until now, anyways.” She watched his blue eyes wander the room, refusing to lock eyes with her for longer than a few seconds. “I don’t think I’ve talked this much in an evaluation since my first year with the company. Did you slip some truth serum in the coffee this morning, Nurse Anya?” The joke brought back a slight twinkle in his eye as he attempted to lighten the mood. It did make her feel slightly better to see he was still able to joke with her, even when he was opening up.
“Hmm, well, Pony Express keeps a tight lid on the things I’m allowed to administer. Slipping something like ibuprofen in your drink wouldn’t be too difficult. I think they keep the truth serums locked up in the Captain’s quarters, though.” He snickered at that, and she noted his demeanor shift into something a bit more relaxed. He rested his elbows on the desk between them, folding his hands in front of him.
“Captain’s Quarters, huh? Almost fifteen years with this company and I’ve yet to find any in my personal medicine cabinet. Maybe I need a more seasoned nurse to help me look.” His flirtatious response had her rolling her eyes playfully back at him.
“Well, if you’re looking for a seasoned nurse, I think you’ll have to look somewhere else. But, genuinely, I’m just glad you felt comfortable enough to get that off your chest. I think it’s good to reevaluate our place in life from time to time. You’d never grow otherwise. But remember, not everything all at once, y’know?” Anya leaned in closer to him, placing her hand underneath her chin for support as she spoke to him earnestly. “Sometimes, you have all these thoughts, and there’s so many all at once that you don’t know what to do with them. No one can solve all their problems in a day, a week, or even a month. The first step is acknowledging how you feel… then you can slowly work out what to do about it.”
Anya observed him flex his fingers on the desk between them as he took in her words, thick and slightly calloused from years of lifting. Her mind wandered as she briefly considered how his hand would feel inside her own, before chasing the thought away. Focus, Anya! She looked up from his hands and noticed the Captain had been looking directly at her, which made her cheeks heat up.
“For one thing, I don’t think I’ll need to look anywhere else. The nurse right in front of me has done more for my mental health in this one session than anyone has in over ten years.” She watched his mouth curl into a smile as the compliment left his lips. “Secondly, thank you. Seriously… it’s not exactly, erm, easy for me to… talk about this stuff. I know life could be so much worse, so I don’t want you to think I’m ungrateful for the position I’m in. It’s just… a lot, sometimes.” The Captain let out a light sigh as flexed his fingers across the surface of the desk, clearly fidgeting due to the serious nature of their conversation.
In an act of boldness she would’ve never anticipated, she instinctively lightly grabbed the hands in front of her to squeeze them. Although Anya wasn’t small by any means, she reveled in the feeling of his large hands almost completely encapsulating hers. Although his hands looked rough, she was surprised to find them much more comforting than she would have imagined. At the shocked look he gave her in return, she quickly moved to pull her hands away. “Sorry, I don’t-” She was cut off as he swiftly reached back out and grabbed her hands again to squeeze them in return. She let her grasp linger for a couple extra seconds before finally pulling away. “I don’t think you’re ungrateful. I’m just glad I could help you.” Anya could see the difference in his profile from when he first walked in, until now. As he stood to seemingly make his way back to the cockpit, he stretched his arms above his head. She failed to not be distracted by the way his muscles slightly flexed underneath his uniform.
He turned fully towards her before addressing her. “Thank you. I owe you one, seriously. I guess I’ll be contemplating how to repay you for the rest of the day in the cockpit.” Chuckling slightly, the door opened before him as he made his way out of the room. “Take it easy the rest of the day, Nurse Anya. You certainly deserve it after listening to me for the past…” he took a quick glance at the clock on the wall. “Almost two hours? Jesus Christ, next time just tell me to shut up.” Anya rolled her eyes in protest as he laughed the joke away. “See you around.” He smiled as he waved her off, the door shutting closed behind him and leaving her in the empty medbay again. The memory of squeezing his big hands, and the thought of him contemplating how to repay her in that cockpit had her feeling warm inside for the rest of the day.
-
She made it. Finally, after a long three and a half months, Anya only had a few nights left before disembarkation. It felt surreal, honestly, and the time had passed faster than she would’ve initially thought. However, that didn’t mean sleep was coming any easier to her.
Contemplating all there was to be done once she returned home, she found herself struggling to sleep even more than she had been in the beginning of their flight. The brunette wiped the tiredness out of her big brown eyes as she stared at the ceiling, lost in thought. Positives: she would receive a large paycheck for the total of 3 ½ months onboard, she studied her ass off the entire time she was in flight, managed to keep up with her exercise as best she could, and garnered even more hands-on experience. Negatives: she was unsure how sustainable a career as a long-haul freighter nurse could actually be, she was still scared shitless of her next medical school exam waiting for her after this haul, and (debatably) worst of all - she wouldn’t see her Captain anymore.
It was a bit delusional, yes - he was literally her superior. Obviously, they couldn’t do anything while in a workplace scenario like this. But it didn’t hurt to daydream, right? Although the nurse was not usually so inclined to flirt freely, the Captain made it unnervingly easy. And, he flirted back ! She might’ve dismissed it as overall friendliness if he hadn’t opened up to her and grabbed her hands only a week prior.
Her head had been reeling since that encounter, wondering just how serious he was about “making it up to her”. She could easily think of a few things the Captain could do that would help, but she wasn’t sure her methods were Pony Express approved. Since then, she struggled to not flirt with him every time he came back to check on her - if this could be their last haul together, what was there to stop her?
Other than her job, obviously. And the fact that she had no idea what exactly was waiting for Curly back on Earth - just because he didn’t have a girlfriend, didn’t necessarily mean he was available. She slammed her pillow atop her head as she groaned out loud. All of these thoughts were too much.
Accepting defeat on sleep for the night, she forced herself to sit up and swing her legs over the bed. On nights like this, she liked to sit out by the night screen and pretend she was back home on Earth. It felt grounding and she always had the lounge to herself, giving her some much needed contemplation time. As they were floating in the middle of freezing cold space, the freighter rarely got above 65 degrees. It didn’t seem to bother anyone else on the ship, but Anya was glad she had decided to bring some long sleeve pajamas and her favorite Hello Kitty blanket as she got cold a bit easier than most. She slipped her blanket around her shoulders as her white socks touched the cold tile floor, seeking warmth wherever she could find it.
Crossing the threshold from the employee cabins to the lounge area, she was surprised to find someone already out there. She made to quickly turn around and go back so as to not disturb the other person in the lounge. But, of course, he was quick enough to turn around and catch her gaze before she could.
“Nurse Anya? Is everything okay?” He made to stand up, concern evident in his features. She quickly shook her head as she stepped towards the couch he had been relaxing on, not wanting to worry him.
“Yes, Captain, no need to worry - I just couldn’t sleep.” Knowing it would look more suspicious to quickly turn around and leave, and admittedly wanting as much time with the Captain as she could have before the end of their flight, she made her way over to the couch and stood before Curly. His blue eyes were rimmed with exhaustion and the navy light of the artificial moonlight cast a tired glow around his body. Once again, he was in a white tank top that showed off his arms, complete with sleep shorts that gave a perfect view of his sculpted legs - the nurse thanked whoever was watching over her for a visage of his muscled lower half before she might never see him again.
“Something on your mind? Take a seat, please,” He gestured towards the couch beside them as she made to sit, pulling the blanket a bit closer to her form. It was weird, being with the Captain in her pajamas - not an unwelcome sight, but she would’ve dressed a bit more appropriately had she known she’d be sharing the lounge space with someone else tonight.
“Cute blanket, by the way.” Curly reached out and rubbed his fingers across the soft material, smiling softly. “You know, I wouldn’t have pegged you as a ‘Hello Kitty’ girl - but I guess I’ve still got a lot to learn. Anything in particular keeping you up tonight?” Despite the cold temperature of the room, she felt her body heat up - his close proximity and desire to learn more about her slightly raising her internal temperature.
The nurse sighed, pushing her dark hair behind her ears as she gazed at the artificial image in front of her. Anya tended to be a pretty private person, but something about Curly made her feel more comfortable opening up. It also helped that she didn't necessarily have to make eye contact with him, the giant screen in front of her providing ample distraction for her eyes. “Hm… a lot of things, I guess. I’m just thinking of everything waiting for me back at home. I still need to pass my medical school exams, figure out what my next job will be, and keep up with all my bills in the meantime…” She trailed off, lost in thought at the life she’d be returning to once back on Earth. There was obviously more that was bothering her, including the man currently sitting incredibly close to her, but she didn’t want to toe the line between personal and professional. Her fingers played with the soft edges of her blanket, bringing her mild comfort.
She could feel Curly’s gaze on her side profile as he began to speak. “I understand. I mean, school and work at the same time is a lot. I really respect that kind of dedication. I’m sure you’ve got someone waiting for you back home who can’t wait to see you, though.”
Anya let out a wry laugh, sinking back into the cushions beneath her. “If you count my cat, and my mother who's been watching her since I left 3 months ago, then yes, I'm sure they’ll be very excited to see me.” Her gaze moved to observe him beside her, but his demeanor didn’t change. “I’ve always been a bit of a private person. Don’t get me wrong - I've missed my friends so much while we’ve been gone. But I found it surprisingly easy to forget about everything going on back home these past few months while I studied and worked everyday. It’ll definitely be an adjustment. How do you cope with going home after being gone so long?” Anya finally returned her dark gaze to his bright one, finding him fully engaged in their conversation. He took a deep breath before speaking.
“To be honest, I’ve been doing it so long I’ve rarely thought about it. Usually, I just take it for what it is and focus on whatever the next haul is going to be. Until now, that is.” His gaze moved downwards toward her sock clad feet, and noticed the small goosebumps that ran up her leg. “Aren’t you cold?” Feeling emboldened by their intimate seating arrangement, he reached out to rest a hand on her calves that were currently folded sitting criss-cross applesauce beside him. He lightly moved his thumb across her pale skin, feeling the immediate difference in temperature between his hand and her leg, as well as the light bumps that ghosted her legs. “Geez, Anya! You’d think we were in the Arctic Circle with how cold your legs feel. Why didn’t you tell me how cold you were before?”
The nurse’s face turned red as she hugged the blanket tighter around herself. “I mean, we basically are. I’m pretty sure the average temperature out here is like, almost -500 fahrenheit. Not all of us are so lucky to have an eternal furnace burning inside our bodies, apparently.” Curly let out a genuine laugh at that, pulling his hand away from her leg and immediately making her miss the warmth it brought. She pulled her knees in towards her chest to cover as much as she could with her blanket.
“Besides, it’s not like we can control the temperature out here much more than we already have. Why do you think I’m always wearing a turtleneck under our uniforms?” Anya watched as his brain contemplated this fact in real time, running a hand through his hair.
“Hmm.. I guess you’re right. I’ve never been much of the observant type, admittedly. But I’m sorry you were apparently freezing these last few months out here.” The nurse smiled softly, shaking her head.
“Don’t worry about it, I packed warm for a reason. I had a feeling it would be cold out here.” She moved her gaze back to the screen in front of them, much clearly on her mind. “At least the Winter will be over once we get back. I’m excited to feel the sunshine on my skin again.” With her words, he immediately imagined her black hair shining in the sunlight, slightly carried by the wind and decided he was determined to see the image himself if he could manage it.
“Listen, um…” she watched as he directed his gaze from the floor back to her eyes. “Please, please, please just let me know if I read the situation wrong and I'll never bother you again. But, now that we’re at the end of the haul, and we’ll be leaving each other soon, I just can’t rest unless I try.” Anya felt her heartbeat pick up inside her chest, boldly anticipating the words that came next.
“I… have really enjoyed getting to know you. You’re smart, funny, the fastest runner I’ve ever seen and, if I may, an absolutely beautiful woman. Your eyes mesmerize me.” She watched as his cheeks dusted red at the honest compliment. She was glued to her spot in amazement that no, this wasn’t a dream and oh my god, this is actually happening.
“I thought that, well, maybe… you know, once we leave this ship, I’m technically not your superior anymore. So maybe it wouldn’t be out of the question to… talk more, yeah? I’d love to take you out somewhere that wasn’t the employee lounge, or the communal gym. I know you’re super busy, medical school is no joke and I’m sure you’ll be studying, I don’t even know what your work plans are after this haul, let alone mine, so if you th-” Sensing he was turning in to a rambling mess, she held her hand out to touch his arm and speak his name. He stopped right in his tracks.
“...yes?” As his blue gaze moved from her hand on his arm to her brown eyes across from his, his heartrate didn’t slow as she stared intently at him. Before she could lose her confidence, she boldly pulled down on his arm while slightly reaching up to place a chaste kiss on his cheek.
The way his entire face lit up red as a beet when she pulled back let her know it was the right move.
“Wait here.”
The nurse stood and left him dumbfounded as he watched her walk out of the room, only to come back a minute later with a pen in hand.
“I couldn’t find a piece of paper, so your hand will have to do.” She met his gaze that was still blushing from head to toe as she reached for the hand in question. He stuck it out to her swiftly, with no questions asked.
He observed as she wrote her number on the palm of his hand, relishing in the soft feel of her fingers and admiring her delicate writing.
“I haven’t charged my phone since we’ve been onboard, since I obviously can’t use it out here. But maybe… you could call me, once we get back home?” She met his bashful gaze with her own hopeful one, which had Curly melting more than he already was. He wasn’t lying when he said her eyes were mesmerizing. It was so easy for him to get lost in the big, brown orbs and long lashes that it almost scared him. He cleared his throat before giving her a response.
“Yes! Yes, I mean, I would love to. Thank you. Erm…” He pulled his hand back from Anya, appreciating her pretty handwriting while already missing her soft touch. “Yeah. I’m admittedly not great at this kind of stuff, but I’ve loved getting to know you during this haul. It would be a privilege to know more.” This time, he made her cheeks turn red, which he counted as a win. She was so fucking cute.
“Well, ask and you shall receive. I’ll be waiting for a text no later than Monday morning.” She shot up straighter as she faced him, wearing a smirk that let him know that she knew just how privileged he felt. Fuck. A bead of sweat may or may not have dripped down his back.
“Yes, ma’am.” Curly gave her an exaggerated salute and watched as she giggled. He determined in his mind that he would do whatever in his power from that moment on to hear that giggle again, and again, and again. A yawn quickly followed after her fit of laughter, causing him to check the time behind them. 04:57. They’d been talking for at least an hour at this point, and they still had an hour before their call time at 06:00. “Now, go get some sleep before we have to wake up in an hour.” He watched as her smirk deepened, clearly determined to mess with him before heading to bed.
“Are those Captain’s Orders ?” She asked cheekily, raising a brow. God, if he had known she was this flirty from just exchanging numbers, he was glad he managed to hold out asking until the end of their haul. He didn’t think he could survive months worth of teasing from her. Curly steeled his resolve and attempted to match her vibes.
“Yes, if that’s what will help you sleep, then it is Captain’s Orders. Sweet dreams, Anya.” He smiled as he watched her turn, slowly making her way back to the crew's quarters.
“Sweet dreams, Grant.” And with that, she was gone through the hallway as he heard the door of her bedroom swoosh open and close. It took him a second to realize she had referred to him by his first name. It had him smiling goofily all the way back to his room, glad no one was there to observe his reaction.
Making his way back to the Captain’s Quarters, he’d stay up staring at the ceiling contemplating what exactly he was going to text her their first morning back on Earth. This was easily going to be the longest three days of his life.