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Quiet evenings at Gabriel’s house were one of Sam’s favorite things. Gabriel had learned that pretty quick. Big or Little, Sam always loved it. He loved lying down on the soft carpet with coloring books, or curling up to watch a movie, or stretching out together so Gabriel could read him a book. His human loved any of those things – and Gabriel loved to give them to him.
Tonight was a movie night. They weren’t really planning anything special. It wasn’t a date and it hadn’t been picked as a deliberate time to ‘play’ or anything like that. Gabriel had just zapped in on the boys earlier and noticed that Sammy looked a bit stressed. So he’d brought them here for the evening to just hang out and knock a movie or two off their ‘To Watch’ list. Or, more accurately, the list of movies Gabriel couldn’t believe Sam hadn’t seen yet and was going to force him to watch.
This was also a perfect time, Gabriel figured, to introduce something new he’d picked up. It was something he’d thought about and something that might or might not be a big deal to his boy. He figured introducing it in a relaxed manner like this might make it easier and more comfortable for Sam to think about and potentially accept.
With that in mind, Gabriel waited about halfway through their first movie – X-Men First Class – and Sammy was fully engrossed in the movie before he decided Sam was relaxed enough that it might be a good time to do this. “You thirsty, munchkin?” He asked, pushing himself up on his seat a bit.
He saw Sam’s smile at the nickname even as he nodded, his eyes never leaving the movie. “Yes, please.”
When Gabriel returned a moment later he had a tray with a bowl of popcorn, one of crackers, and one of some trail mix he’d seen Sam eat before. This was kind of a way for him to start gauging what kind of things Sam liked to eat. But also on the tray were Gabriel’s glass of Dr. Pepper – and an adult sized sippy cup of strawberry milk, something he happened to know Sam loved and didn’t often indulge in. This was supposed to be a nice night for them. Treats were allowed. He knew Sam would like the drink. It was the cup he’d put it in that had him curious.
He settled back into the couch with his drink in one hand, the tray on the table in front of them and the bowl of popcorn in his lap, and the archangel easily tucked Sam back under his arm again. It left Sam’s long legs kicked out over the coffee table and his body completely relaxed against both Gabriel and the couch. Then, once they were settled in, Gabriel waited.
It took a while for Sam to really notice anything odd. He was content, curled up against Gabriel’s warm body, the X-Men movie playing on the screen, and nothing or no one to disturb them. When he finally broke his attention from the screen the first thing he noticed was the trail mix and he almost pounced on it. The bowl was quickly snatched up and he brought it up to rest on his lap, ignoring Gabriel’s low chuckle.
For a while Sam was content to just sit and munch and watch the movie play out. It wasn’t until he blindly reached out for his drink that he discovered just what Gabriel had brought him. The first touch of the cup’s strange edge against his mouth had Sam jerking back a little. He looked down at the cup in his hands with a sort of stunned disbelief. Was this…had Gabriel seriously given him a sippy cup? Even when they were playing, Sam had never drank out of anything but a cup, even if Gabriel tended to give him those plastic tumblers for kids that were less likely to break. But he’d never drank out of one of these and he sure didn’t need to start now!
Yet, Sam couldn’t bring himself to put it down. He stared down at the cup with equal parts annoyance and…longing.
He didn’t need a sippy cup. He didn’t! It wasn’t one of those things that he’d ever needed. Sure, he felt a little young sometimes, but he’d never gone down for the baby stuff. He hadn’t ever done sippy cups or bottles or diapers or binkies or any of that. He’d never used that kind of equipment. The last thing he needed was to start using it now. He and Gabriel had their relationship pretty damn well perfect – Sam didn’t need to mess with it by becoming even more childish in his partner’s eyes. Especially not when they were supposed to be hanging out and just enjoying a good evening together. Gabriel deserved some time with his partner while Sam wasn’t feeling so little.
A hand smoothed back Sam’s hair from his face, fingernails scratching lightly at his scalp. “You’re thinking too hard about this, Sammy.”
“I don’t…” Sam paused, trying to find the right words for this. “I don’t need these kind of things, Gabriel.”
The archangel made a noncommittal noise in the back of his throat. “But you want them.”
That was the crux of it, wasn’t it? Because Sam did want this. And it seemed silly to want this cup, a ridiculous kids cup. It wasn’t something that should excite him. It wasn’t something he should want so desperately. Yet he did. He really, really wanted it. Maybe if Gabriel had introduced it at a different time, when the whole situation was right, it might’ve gone differently. Sam might’ve just taken it and gone on with things.
“Like I said, you’re thinking too hard about this, kiddo. I’m trying not to read your mind here, you know, but you’re not making it easy. Your thoughts are almost shouting out of your head right now.” Gabriel huffed out a laugh and Sam felt it as he shifted a little, drawing Sam in closer against him. “Big or little, it’s not a big deal for you to want this, Samshine. I’ve told you before and I’m telling you again – this house here is a safe place. I’m not gonna shame you or make you feel bad for the things you want, no matter what your mindset is when you want them. If you want to use a sippy cup, use it, no matter whether you’re big or little. It’s just you and me here and I don’t mind. If I did, I wouldn’t have brought it out.”
That was true. He wouldn’t have brought out something that he didn’t want to have to deal with. But at the same time, Sam still couldn’t stop his worry. He chewed on his bottom lip for a moment as he tried to work up the courage to ask a question that had been sitting in his mind for a while now. The movie had been paused at some point and the room was quiet except for the sounds of their breathing and the soft sounds of Gabriel’s fingers still scratching over Sam’s scalp soothingly.
After a moment, Sam hesitantly asked “Doesn’t it ever weird you out, balancing the dating stuff and all the other stuff?”
There was no hesitation in Gabriel’s answer. “Nope.”
“No?”
“It’s not as hard as you think it is, kiddo.” Bending, Gabriel kissed the top of Sam’s head. “In all of it, I’m still me. The only differences are my reactions to you.”
“Isn’t it hard to make that shift? Or figure it out sometimes? I mean, you’ve never even accidentally tried to kiss me or anything when I’m feeling younger, and I totally would’ve understood if that happened. You just – always seem to know.”
“When you’re little, properly Little, I can see the change sometimes before you can. Your whole energy about you changes. Just like when Cassie and I could see the difference on you with that spell, any angel could see it now when you age down. When you’re deep in your headspace, when your mind actually goes little, it changes the energy around you, makes it younger. An when you’re not little, but you’ve got some little feelings, I can tell by your body language. It’s not that hard to tailor my reactions to what’s needed. And we talked all this out when we started, Sam. I knew what I was getting into. Besides, you never go deep without giving me some kind of heads up or unless you’re triggered by something.” Gabriel shrugged, like none of this was any big deal. Like it was something everyone dealt with. Then he smiled that soft smile that Sam loved so much and he reached over to curl his fingers around Sam’s. “Sam, I’m getting everything I could want out of our relationship. Even when those younger moments come in our adult time and change it, it’s not a big deal to me because it’s all you and I love you for who you are, not who I want to make you out to be. Everything you are is exactly what I want or need.”
Emotion clogged Sam’s throat and he found he had to look away. If he didn’t, he was afraid he’d make a fool of himself by crying. “Sap.” He teased, though the hoarseness of his voice gave him away.
He could hear Gabriel’s smile in his response. “Only for you, Sammy boy.” Then, teasingly, “Don’t go spreading it around, though. I’ve still got a rep you know.”
The two cuddled a little closer together and Sam felt some of the tension fall off of his shoulders.
When the movie started up again, Sam waited only a moment before he brought his sippy cup up to his lips. Above him, Gabriel smiled.