Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Life was great. Emilia has never been happier before in her life. She was crowned as queen. She was no longer despised for her appearance. The world now sees her as Emilia and not as the witch of envy’s long lost cousin. She managed to save Elior forest. Her camp defeated the witch cult. Her camp took out the three great mabeasts. She managed to form great relations with the three major countries that surrounded Lugunica.

And it was all thanks to one man.

Natsuki Subaru.

Her sweet, wonderful knight.

He gave her everything she ever wanted. He made her feel loved. He accepted her for who she was. He changed the country’s perception of her. He said he loved her.

He protected her from all attacks. He saved her life more times than she can count. He gave her the strength to stand proud, and show the world who she was. He saved her from herself, from all her dark thoughts.

There was no way she could ever repay him for all he has done for her. But he never even asked for anything as compensation. His deeds were what legends and songs were made to honour, yet he never asked for anything.

He would always say ‘I didn’t do it expecting anything, you know. I did it because I love you.’

It brought her mixed feelings. His words made her feel happy. She can confidently say that she loved him, but she felt unworthy of him. What did she do to deserve such a wonderful knight? Why was he so devoted to her? He always said that she saved him, but it was the exact opposite.

She pushed these thoughts down. Her knight wouldn’t want her to think like that. He was happy to be at her side. She won’t let her insecurities deprive him of this happiness.

Emilia was sat in her throne room. It was a long day of meetings. At her side was her trusty knight and his contracted spirit. She was finished with her obligations for the day, so she can finally spend some time with her knight.

Subaru: “Your majesty, Emilia-sama.”

Emilia blushed. “Stop that already, you don’t have to call me that.”

Subaru smiled and moved his arms theatrically. “But I finally get to call you that, Emilia-tan. This is what you worked so hard for. Now we can enjoy calling you queen Emilia-sama.”

Emilia: “This is all thanks to you, Subaru. I wouldn’t have made it without you.”

Beatrice: “Naturally. You should appreciate Betty’s Subaru more in fact. At least you understand how amazing he is, I suppose.”

Subaru blushed. “Huh? I didn’t expect to be showered in praise out of nowhere.”

Emilia giggled. “You deserve more than that, Subaru.”

Subaru’s eyes shined. “Then will you give me a reward?”

Emilia: “A reward? Of course! Just name whatever you want.”

Subaru: “Then can we go on another date? We haven’t been on one since forever, and I am short on my Emi-meter.”

Emilia: “Emi-meter?”

Subaru: “Never mind that. Can we go? Please, please please? There is this very large tower in the outskirts of the city. I bet that the view form up there would be wonderful. I am sure you will like it. Let’s go there.”

Emilia’s heart fluttered. This was what he wanted? His reward was to show her something amazing? She couldn’t hide her blush. He really was a good boy.

Emilia: “O-okay, I will go with you.”

Subaru’s smile widened. He started jumping around and kept pumping his fist. He is so~ silly.

Beatrice: “Stop acting like a child in a candy shop, I suppose. It is unbecoming of you, in fact.”

Subaru: “I can’t help it, Beako. I am so happy right now. And you don’t get lo lecture me about children in candy shops. You did the same ear-”

Beatrice put her hand on his mouth to stop him from finishing his words. She was blushing furiously.

Beatrice: “B-b-betty has no recollection of what you are talking about in fact.”

Emilia giggled audibly at their antics. They never acted like their status. The hero of Lugunica and the great spirit of yin acted more like a pair of siblings that were very close.

The door to the throne room was opened suddenly and the captain of the royal knights entered the room. Subaru and Beatrice ceased their antics and stood in a dignified manner.

Marcos moved to the centre of the room and bowed before her.

Marcos: “Forgive me for interrupting your free time, your majesty.”

Emilia: “There is no need for that.”

Marcos: “It seems we have made an error in your schedule. There was one more person that was granted audience today. Please forgive our mishaps.”

Emilia: “That is fine, however, be mindful of such mistakes in the future. I will not tolerate further needless interruptions of my time with my knight.”

Marcos: “As you command.”

He got up and left the room. Subaru was smiling like a child. He was happy than Emilia wanted to stay with him for longer. She even got angry for getting interrupted.

Subaru: “It looks like there is still some work left for you, Emilia-tan. Would you prefer if I left the room?”

Emilia: “No, you can stay. It is just one more meeting.”

Subaru seemed happy to be included. “As you command, your majesty.”

Emilia pouted at him while he started chuckling back at her.

The doors to the throne room opened again. The person that entered was someone she did not expect to see.

Al: “I hope you have been in good health, Emilia-sama.”

Emilia: “Al-san. It has been a while. I was under the assumption that you wanted to stay away from politics after…”

Al: “Yeah, I would rather be somewhere else, but there was something that I had to do.”

Subaru: “Hey there, don’t just say that you don’t want to see the queen. I will not tolerate disrespect towards Emilia-tan.”

Al: “Sorry, pal. I didn’t mean it like that.”

Emilia: “It is alright, Subaru. I didn’t take any offence to it.”

Subaru grunted, but stood down.

Emilia: “So, Al-san. What was the reason for you visit?”

Al: “…”

Subaru: “Hnnng?”

Subaru suddenly winced and started breathing heavily. Emilia was instantly startled and looked his way. Subaru was clutching his chest. His eyes seemed terrified of something.

Emilia: “Subaru! Are you-”

Emilia then snapped her head towards where Al stood.

He took out a weird looking sword and lunged towards her.

She was shocked still.

Her concern for her knight coupled with the unexpected attack stopped her from moving.

She saw Al close the distance as if his movement was slowed down.

He was approaching her faster than she could react..

He wasn’t this fast before.

She saw where the blade was headed.

She was about to be stabbed in the heart.

It will most likely be a fatal wound.

She saw her life flashing before her eyes.

Puck taking care of her. Roswaal taking her in. Ram’s snark but kind remarks. Rem’s overtly polite voice. Frederica’s kind smile. Otto’s tired expressions. Garfiel’s unwavering confidence. Petra’s sweet words. Meili’s sarcastic comments. She saw memories of mother Fortuna And Geuse.

But it all faded when she remembered her knight. His kind smile. The way his eyes softened when he looked at her. His sweet voice. When he told her he loved her.

She didn’t want to die, but more than that, she didn’t want to be away from him.

‘Will he be sad? Will he get angry? I don’t want him to be sad or angry. I want him to be happy. I hope he can be happy again. I am such a dunderhead. I should have told him that I loved him.’

Emilia closed her eyes in acceptance.

She heard the sound of the blade piercing flesh.

She heard blood splattering on the ground.

But she didn’t feel it.

‘I didn’t get stabbed?’

She was starting to feel uneasy.

‘What happened?’

She felt her heart drop.

‘No...please…’

She was holding her breath.

‘OPEN YOUR EYES YOU COWARD.’

She finally opened her eyes.

She saw the blade.

It stopped inches away from her chest.

He was standing Infront of her.

His body refused to move or shake.

She saw the blade coming out of his back.

Yet he didn’t waver.

Emilia: “S-subaru?”

Beatrice: “SUBARU!”

Beatrice blasted minya crystals at the assailant who jumped backwards and dodged them.

He left the blade lodged in Subaru’s body.

Subaru finally fell down on his knees after the immediate threat on Emilia’s life was gone.

Al: “Don’t think you get to live happily after what you did.”

Subaru tried to give a snarky response but all that came out of his mouth was coughs and blood.

Emilia: “SUBARU!”

Al: “You let the princess die.”

Emilia turned her gaze towards Al and aimed her hand at him.

She shot a large ice crystal at him, but he dodged it. The crystal was lodged at the wall behind him.

Beatrice: “No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.”

She came close to Subaru and attempted to use healing magic on him.

The royal guards immediately entered the room and surrounded Al.

Al: “Heh, I have already done what I came here to do. There is no point in further resistance.”

He was easily taken down and put in chains. The guards took him away from Emilia’s sight.

She returned her gaze to Subaru who was on the floor now. Her eyes started watering.

Emilia: “Guards! Bring Felix here NOW!”

Beatrice was sobbing uncontrollably. “No, don’t do this... Don’t leave Betty…Please...”

Emilia panicked and began applying healing magic on Subaru.

His wounds were not getting better.

His blood continued to spill on the floor.

What was happening?

Why wasn’t he getting healed?

Emilia: “Subaru! Stay with me okay? Felix is on the way! He will fix you up…just...stay…with me.…please…”

She kept applying her magic through her tears.

Subaru: “E..mi..”

Emilia: “Subaru?… SUBARU!…”

Subaru tried to say something, but he coughed roughly instead.

Emilia: “Don’t try to talk...please…”

Beatrice: “No…not like this...don’t leave betty like this...”

Felix entered the room in a hurry. He was horrified at the scene before him but he immediately went to work.

Felix: “Emilia-sama, Beatrice-sama, Step aside.”

They reluctantly moved. Emilia went and placed his head on her lap while Beatrice held his hand.

Felix removed the blade from his chest.

Emilia winced at the amount of blood that came out.

Felix covered the wound with his hand and started applying healing magic.

The wound started to close a little.

Emilia found hope returning to her.

Emilia: “Yes! YES! You will be okay Subaru! Just hang in there please.”

Beatrice kept crying. Her grim expression did not leave her. She could feel his life energy fading despite what she was seeing. Felix did not look hopeful either, But Emilia did not see either of them.

Her eyes were focused on her wounded knight. She kept remembering all their happy moments together.

The blood stopped flowing from him. The wounds on his body were closed. His skin remained pale, but his body was relatively fine.

Emilia let out a breath she didn’t realize she was keeping. Her knight was fine.… He was fine…Right?

Why was Beatrice still crying?

Why was Felix’s face drenched in tears?

Oh, that was it, right?

They were just sad that he got injured, right?

That has to be it.

Emilia: “Thank you so much Felix. You saved him.”

Felix: “.…”

Subaru coughed up the blood that was in his throat. He let out a weak exhale.

Subaru: “Emi…lia…”

Emilia: “Subaru! You will be fine now! The worst has already passed! You will be okay from now on! Felix healed you up.”

Subaru gave her a weak smile. “Emilia…”

Emilia felt a chill run down her spine. Why wasn’t Felix and Beatrice celebrating with her?

Subaru: “I am sorry…Emilia…”

Emilia: “Sorry? Don’t be sorry, you didn’t do anything wrong. I should be the one apologizing…you got injured while protecting me…”

Subaru raised his hand and wiped away the tears from her eyes. She grabbed his hand with both of hers and nuzzled her cheek to it.

Felix: “Emilia-sama...I am sorry…”

She was startled. Her eyes snapped towards Felix in disbelief.

Felix: “That was not a regular sword. Subaru-kyun was stabbed by the life sword.”

Emilia felt her heart drop. “W-what?”

Felix: “The sword wound is not only physical. It pierced Subaru-kyun’s very soul.”

Emilia’s body started trembling. This was not happening. It is not real.

Felix: “Please…Emilia-sama…say your goodbyes while you can…”

Beatrice: “You promised me...you said…you said that you wouldn’t leave.…”

Emilia was in denial. She refused to believe him. There was no way that Subaru would die from something like this.

Emilia: “Stop lying to me and heal him! What are talking about? Are you not the best healer in Lugunica? Be useful and save him.”

Felix flinched and looked down. His face drenched in tears.

Felix: “I CAN’T! I am sorry but I can’t... something like this...I...”

Subaru: “Emilia…’

Emilia wanted to slap herself. In this crucial moment she chose to get angry at Felix instead of comforting her knight.

Subaru: “Don’t get mad...at Felix…I know…He did his best...”

Subaru spoke in between his breaths. Felix started crying loudly.

Subaru: “It’s…my fault…I didn’t...think carefully...”

Emilia: “No…no...no…Subaru…Don’t...”

Subaru: “I am sorry…Beako…I didn’t...keep my promise…”

Beatrice: “Betty will forgive you in fact...just ...don’t go...please…”

Subaru: “Sorry…Beako…”

Beatrice closed her eyes and wept. She held onto Subaru’s hand. She didn’t want to let go.

Subaru: “Emilia…”

Emilia just looked at him through her tears.

Subaru: “Please…listen...to what I have to say…”

Emilia started weeping and gave a weak nod.

Subaru: “You…saved me…You…gave me reason …to be alive...I am so happy…that I got to meet you…”

Emilia’s weeps only grew louder.

Subaru: “Before I met you…I was…a good for nothing loser…I had no dreams…I had no ambition…I was just…a waste of space…but you...you are the reason…I became something…”

Emilia: “No…you were never that…please…”

Subaru smiled weakly and shook his head. “I now know…that I made…the right choice…I am so happy…that it was you…I wouldn’t want it...to be anyone but you…Emilia…I love you…”

Emilia felt his hand go limp. It fell from her cheek. She tried to catch it before it fell, but she was too late.

Natsuki Subaru.…has permanently died.

Chapter Text

Subaru opened his eyes to a serene sight. He saw grasslands that extended endlessly before him. They sky was clear blue. It was a scene that inspired peace, if he ignored the sound of sobs. His head was resting on her lap. Her tears were falling freely on him.

Subaru: “Satella…”

She didn’t answer his calls. Her cries seemed to intensify when she heard his voice.

Subaru: “What is this? Is this what it feels like to die for real?”

Satella: “I am sorry…I am sorry…I love you…”

Subaru smiled weakly. “You never change, do you?”

He chuckled to himself. “Well…You can have me all for yourself now…Aren’t you happy?”

Satella: “No…I can’t bring you back…I am sorry…I don’t want you to die…”

Subaru: “It’s okay…I made my choice…and if you brought me back, I would have done it again in a heartbeat.”

His answer didn’t put her at ease. “No…It wasn’t supposed to go like this…I wanted you to live happy…to live long…”

Subaru raised his hand and started to wipe her tears. “I know…I know…It feels like I am spitting on everything you did for me…but I can’t help it”

Satella’s tears continued to fall. “I don’t care about that…I didn’t do it to make you feel grateful to me…You were supposed to have a wonderful life…You were supposed to live a long and happy life…and surround yourself with loved ones…”

Subaru’s expression softened. “I was happy.”

He remembered Emilia. “It might not have been for long, but I am happy that I came here.”

He remembered Rem. “I met a lot of amazing people.”

He remembered Beatrice. “People that are way out of my league.”

He remembered Otto. “But they still chose to be my friends.”

He remembered Garfiel. “They still chose to love me.”

He remembered Ram. “They treated me like one of their own.”

His mind flashed through all the amazing people he met throughout his life.

Subaru: “I am happy that I was born.”

Satella cradled him in her arms. “You should have stayed with them…You were finally happy…You finally started to love yourself…”

Subaru’s expression turned stern. “She died in my arms.”

Satella gasped.

Subaru’s face showed a hint of pain. “Her life was slowly fading away, nothing could have helped her.”

Tears were starting to form in the corner of his eyes. “Felix couldn’t do anything, and even Cor Leonis couldn’t save her.”

His tears fell down his face. “She looked at me… She smiled... She was dying…and she was in so much pain…but she chose to comfort me…because I was bawling like a child…She said that it was okay…She thanked me for giving her everything…She thanked me for being at her side…She thanked me for loving her…She said she loved me…”

Subaru started sobbing loudly. “I didn’t want her to make that expression again…She just became queen…She was just starting to live her dream…for her to die like that…I couldn’t take it…I couldn’t accept it…I refused to accept it…”

He stopped his crying and wiped his tears. His eyes sharpened. “I should have thought that Al was up to something…He hinted that he didn’t want to go through with it…He seemed pretty remorseful that it was her that ended up dying…He wanted me dead or in pain…It was between me and him…Emilia was just caught in the crossfire…It was unfair to drag her into our fight…”

He sat up from Satella’s lap. “He must have known that attacking me directly wouldn’t work, so he targeted Emilia.”

He turned to look at her. “And that checkpoint was too cruel, she only gave me around 5 seconds to react. If I see Envy, I will surely give her a piece of my mind.”

He relaxed a little. “But…in the end…I chose to take her place…I am sure my choice will cause her a lot of pain…I am a very selfish man.”

He chuckled weakly to himself. “But she is alive, She will get back up. She is very strong. Luginica is safe, and its future is secured with her leading it.”

He smiled widely. “I can safely say that I am happy with how things turned out. I might not be around anymore, but I can’t honestly call this anything but a happy ending, even though I am not included in it.”

He regained his energy a little. “And they better build me a large statue, alright? I want it to be proudly displayed, preferably in the capital. I also want the word Lolimancer erased from history. Otherwise, I will haunt whoever came up with it forever.”

Satella giggled softly through her tears.

Subaru smiled. “See? You better cheer up now. A smile suits you more than a crying face. I assume we will be seeing more of each other, and it would be too depressing if you were crying all the time.”

Satella: “Is it really okay? For your story to end like this?”

Subaru put a finger to his chin. “I mean…my favourite endings are always when everyone is safe and happy at the end of a story…but the tragic hero who gives away his life for the greater good is a close second. I like bittersweet endings, so I am okay.”

He suddenly felt a wave of exhaustion over take him. “What is this? I feel sleepy all of a sudden.”

Satella brought his head back to her lap. “I am sorry…Maintaining your consciousness here drains a lot of my energy, so I can’t keep you up for long.”

Subaru yawned. “Is that...so…”

He drifted into deep sleep while Satella kept caressing his hair.

Satella: “I will find a way to bring you back…just wait for me…My beloved.”

Emilia was in a state of disbelief. Her knight stopped breathing. His face was forever frozen in time. He was still giving her his usual warm smile, and his eyes lost some of their sharpness as they always did when he looked at her, but there was no light behind them. Lifeless eyes were staring at her. Her tears fell on his face, but there was no reaction to them.

Emilia: “No…”

The sight before her was being registered in her mind. She was forced to acknowledge her cruel reality.

Emilia: “Subaru?…”

His body was still. He made no movements whatsoever. His chest was not moving. She could no longer hear his heart beat.

Emilia: “Please…someone…”

She turned to the two people next to her. None of them could help her or her knight. Felix was sobbing silently. Beatrice was passed out. She was overwhelmed by grief and the forceful end to her contract.

Emilia’s eyes went back to her lifeless knight. She extended a shaky hand to his cheek. His usual warmth was still there, but it was fading.

Emilia: “Subaru?…say something...please…”

He was dead. There was no way he can ever say anything to her again.

Emilia: “I am sorry…please come back…I need you…”

No matter how much she begged. She was never getting any response from a corpse.

She shakily pulled him from the ground and brought his body closer to her. She encased him in a tight hug. A hug that expressed all of the love she felt for him, but it was not reciprocated. The arms that were usually wrapped around her, the arms that made her feel warm, safe and protected, were just laying limp. This was not a hug shared by two souls in love. It was a grieving woman holding onto the corpse of her lover.

The realization was setting in her head. She couldn’t deny it anymore. Her most trusty companion, the man she loved with all her heart was gone forever.

Her wails could be heard from all over the palace. The only thing interrupting them, was when she occasionally took her breath.

The guards around her lowered their gazes in sympathy. Their intense training allowed them to shed no tears. Subaru was a man that did not see himself as a figure that was above interacting with them. He knew all of them by name, and maintained a friendly attitude towards them. They felt the pain of losing a hero, a brave commander and a dear friend. He was true to himself to the very end, and he gave up his life to protect his lady. It was an admirable, yet tragic and abrupt end to his life.

They grit their teeth, and dug their nails into their palms. They were knights. They had to maintain their image. They can’t show weakness. Their queen needed them. They can only express their grief in the only way that was allowed for them. They vowed to take revenge from the man that dared to attack their queen, and end the life of their beloved hero.

Garfiel was having a stroll around the capital. It was a sunny day, perfect for a date with Mimi. She was so happy when he asked her to come to the new restaurant with him. Her energy was almost overwhelming, but it was something that he got used to, and even began to admire about her.

Mimi: “Hey, Garf, Garf. I can smell it from here. The food smells so good!”

Garfiel: “Hey! don’t run, shrimp.”

She took off running, and he was forced to match her pace. She was a handful, but that was not something that he minded.

Garfiel: “My amazin’ self won’t ask you out again if you keep taking off whenever you smell food.”

Mimi stopped and turned to him. “That’s no fair! Mimi loves food, and she also loves Garf. You can’t make her choose between them.”

Garfiel’s face blushed slightly. “That is not it. The captain taught me how this was supposed to go. A date is when two people go out and do things together, you can’t go and run off by yourself whenever you smell something delicious.”

Mimi smiled widely. “Garf wanted Mimi to stay next to him this much? Garf should have said so from the beginning!”

She ran at him and jumped on his back. She hugged him tightly.

Mimi: “Now Garf won’t be lonely. Mimi will stay right next to you.”

Garfiel’s face blushed hard. He was thankful that she couldn’t see his expression.

He continued to walk towards the restaurant while she remained clinging onto his back.

There was a commotion outside it. A lot of people were whispering something that he couldn’t make sense of. Mimi got off his back as he approached the restaurant owner.

Garfiel: “Hey old man, what is with all of that outside? Did something happen?”

The owner looked at him in concern “Did you not hear? It is rumoured that there was an attack in the royal palace.”

Garfiel and Mimi were shocked.

Garfiel: “What?”

Mimi: “No way.”

The owner’s face was deep in worry. “Word on the street is that there was an assassination attempt at the queen’s life. I hope that it turns out to be just another tasteless rumour.”

Garfiel’s heart sunk. He got complacent. He thought that since there were no threats anymore thanks to the captain, that no one would want to harm the princess anymore. He was naïve, and the princess might get hurt because of him. He took off running in the direction of the palace. That startled Mimi, who started chasing him.

Mimi: “Wait, Garf.”

Garfiel did not stop. “I have to go, shrimp. The princess needs me.”

Mimi did not relent. “Wait up, Mimi is coming too. We are supposed to do things together today, remember?”

Garfiel felt his tension ease up a little. “Alright then shrimp, don’t slow me down, you get it?”

Mimi pouted at him. “Mimi is faster than you, you are the one slowing Mimi down.”

Garfiel chuckled a little. “Thanks shrimp.”

That little interaction made his worries ease up a little. ‘Please be safe princess. I am sorry I wasn’t there. Some shield I am.’

He shook his head, and looked on with a confident smile. ‘As if anything could happen! The captain is there. He wouldn’t let anything happen to the princess.’

They maintained their pace until they reached the gates of the palace. The guards were feeling tense and attempted to block his way, but they soon recognized him and let him continue after apologizing. He was starting to feel uneasy again. The general mood in the palace was a sombre and sad one. He increased his speed until he reached the throne room. There was signs that suggested that a brief battle had happened here, but it was over before he came. There were purple crystals scattered around and a large ice crystal lodged in the wall.

He saw Emilia kneeling on the floor holding onto something. Beatrice and Felix were there too. He could only see her from behind, so he couldn’t tell what she was holding onto, but he was relieved that she was unharmed. Beatrice was sleeping next to her, and Felix’s face looked darkened.

Garfiel: “Princess! You are okay! Thank goodness.”

She twitched but didn’t turn around or respond to him.

Garfiel: “My amazin’ self was a little concerned when I heard that there was an attack, but I am glad that you are alright. Where is the captain? He was here with you, right?”

She didn’t answer him, but he could hear her sobs. He started feeling nervous. The relief he felt after seeing her unharmed was slowly going away.

Garfiel: “Princess…Where is my captain?”

Felix looked at him. It was the first time that he noticed it, but his face was drenched in tears. He started to feel scared. The look on his face did not comfort him one bit.

Felix: “Subaru-kyun was stabbed. He lost his life. I am sorry, I couldn’t do anything.”

Garfiel froze. ‘What is this guy talking about? The captain died? As if. Telling me that the sky was green is more believable.’

The possibility of his captain’s demise never crossed his mind. It was absurd.

Garfiel was staring to lose his composure. “What are you talking about? This is no time for jokes, tell me where he is this instant.”

Felix didn’t respond. He merely glanced at the figure embraced by Emilia. Garfiel walked closer to her. Each step made his legs shake harder as he began to recognise what she was holding onto.

He finally saw him. He was being tightly embraced by a crying Emilia. He could smell him, but he also smelled his blood. His eyes were lifeless, and they were staring into nothingness.

Garfiel: “Captain?…”

He heard no answer.

His hands were shaking uncontrollably.

He heard Mimi’s sobs next to him.

He didn’t believe what he saw.

Garfiel turned to Felix and screamed at him. “What are you doing? Go heal him!”

Felix only cried louder. “You can’t heal the dead.”

Garfiel almost punched his face, but he was held back by a tearful Mimi.

Mimi: “Garf…calm down…don’t…”

Garfiel: “What are you doing, shrimp? We have to make him heal the captain right now…or…or…”

He couldn’t even mouth it. It was truly an impossible scenario to him. His knew that his captain was not physically strong, but he always found a way to live through impossible odds. There was no way he would die to a mere stab wound.

Mimi: “Please…Garf…”

He relented and took another look at Subaru. His enhanced hearing didn’t pick up on the sound of his breaths or his heart beat. He moved closer to him. ‘There must be something wrong with my hearing today…Yes...That has to be it…’

He knelt in front of Emilia. She didn’t acknowledge his presence. He saw Subaru’s arm laying on the ground, limp and lifeless. He reached his hand to touch it. It felt cold. He couldn’t feel his heart beat.

The realization was setting in his mind.

Garfiel: “Captain...Subaru…”

Garfiel felt his chest tighten. ‘There is no way this is real…Right?…He can’t be dead...Why is he not moving?…This has to be a nightmare…Right?…Yes!…Of course it is!...I just need to wake myself up.’

Garfiel pinched his cheek roughly, but the scene in front of him refused to change. He pinched harder, but to no avail. Blood started trickling down his face. His hands started shaking. This was not a nightmare. He was living a life worse than that. He felt Mimi wrapping her arms around his head, and pull him closer to her chest.

Garfiel: “Captain...”

His tears were finally released. He looked at the scene before him with wet eyes.

Garfiel: “No…no…”

His breaths were getting shorter.

Garfiel: “Please…say something...”

This feeling was something he wished he never felt again. The pain of loss. It was the same as when he was a child, when he thought that his mother was dead.

He broke into loud sobs. It was all real. He could deny it no longer.

His captain was gone.

Chapter Text

Emilia was sitting on a chair in her room. It was facing her bed, the one that was currently being occupied by her knight’s corpse. His face looked so peaceful. Forever frozen on his soft smiling expression.

It was a stark contrast to how she felt.

Emilia looked at him sombrely. “Why did this happen?…It’s all my fault…If I didn’t freeze…If I did anything…You would have been here with me…But I didn’t…You are gone…And it was because of me.”

Her tears returned to her. “Because I was foolish…because I was naïve…because I couldn’t see the danger even when it was right in front of me…You had to pay the price…”

She extended a hand to his cheek. She rubbed it affectionately. It was cold. A stark reminder that the beautiful soul that once inhabited this body was no longer there.

Emilia: “Why…Why did you do that?…It was my mistake…I should have been the one…No…It could have all been avoided from the start…I told you to stay in the room…You were not supposed to be there…Please…forgive me…”

Emilia was overcome by grief again. She began to sob over her dead knight. All the happy memories that they shared together came back to her all at once to torment her, to remind her what she truly lost.

Emilia: “You didn’t deserve this…It should have been me…”

???: “Don’t tarnish his memory, Emilia-sama.”

Emilia was startled by the voice that came from behind her. She turned around and saw him.

Emilia: “Otto…You were here?”

He looked like a mess. His hair was dishevelled. His eyes were red, but he maintained a forced smile on his face.

Otto: “I knocked on the door…I didn’t get an answer so I just came in…Sorry.”

He shook his head.

Otto: “Don’t do this, Emilia-sama, otherwise, Natsuki-san will be really sad.”

Emilia looked at him through her tears.

Otto: “Natsuki-san did what he always does. He was an admirable knight.”

Emilia screamed at him. “And what did that accomplish? Huh?”

She swatted her hand at the air in frustration. “I don’t want an admirable knight. I want one that is still breathing…”

She broke into loud sobs again.

Otto screamed back at her. “And do you think Natsuki-san would want a dead queen?”

Emilia’s heart was shattered to pieces.

Otto: “Natsuki-san did what any knight would have done… What any man would have done…He gave away his life for the woman he loved…Don’t you dare look down on his sacrifice…”

Emilia’s hands started shaking. “I-I didn’t...I didn’t mean…I am not looking down…”

Otto: “You are alive…The queen of Lugunica is still breathing…That is thanks to Natsuki-san’s noble sacrifice…Don’t belittle what he accomplished…”

Emilia was taken aback. In her grief, she trampled over Subaru’s wishes. She remembered his last moments. He did not look angry, he didn’t look sad. He was happy. He was relieved because she was safe.

Otto: “I hate to say this to you, but your life is very important…You are the queen…Your life takes priority…over everyone else’s…”

Emilia looked at him in shock. The colour of betrayal on her face.

Otto: “I am sorry Emilia-sama, but this has to be said. You are the queen now…The people’s hopes and dreams rest upon your shoulders. I know how hard it is…I really do…but we have to do what we have to do…for the kingdom…for Natsuki-san.”

Emilia screamed at him through her tears. “Subaru Died! He is dead…and all you care about is…”

Otto: “You are not a child, Emilia-sama…We have to look at the bigger picture…What do you think He would say if he saw you like this?…”

Emilia gasped.

Otto: “Natsuki-san bet on the future that you can bring…He believed in you to the point of laying down his life for yours…He wouldn’t want you to throw it all away because he was no longer here…He is no longer here precisely because he didn’t want it to be thrown away...”

Emilia didn’t respond to him.

Otto: “Please Emilia-sama…We can not allow ourselves to stay down…We have a duty…to the kingdom…We have to fulfil it…Like how he fulfilled his…That’s why we have to…W-we have to…We…Damn it ”

Otto’s façade broke. His tears started to fall freely down his face. His face reflected the deep anguish he felt. His legs failed to support him and he fell to his knees. His body was trembling.

Otto: “I thought...I thought I could do it…I thought I could be strong…That I could focus on what we had to do…But I couldn’t even do that…”

Emilia looked at him in sympathy. “Otto…”

Otto: “I…I can’t…Why…Why did you have to go and leave us, Natsuki-san?...Why did this have to happen?…Please…come back…What am I supposed to do?…I…I…I want my friend back.”

He broke into loud sobs and fell on his face. He wanted to project strength. He wanted to be someone that Emilia could depend on. Someone that could help her stand up again. But he couldn’t. He tried to ignore how he felt, but he was crumbling too.

Emilia knelt next to him and wrapped her arms around him. A silent gesture between two united by their grief. They needed no words to communicate, just synchronised sobs. The room was filled with the sounds of their cries.

Otto wiped his face. “I wanted to be the one that could help console you, but I ended up being the one getting consoled. Talk about pathetic.”

Emilia gave him a weak smile. “No…You really did help, Otto. You took my mind off of a downward spiral…Thank you…”

She took a deep breath. “What you said was right. We have a duty. We have to announce the news to the people. I am sure that rumours have already spread about what happened. If we don’t clear them, we might have to face civil unrest. We also have to interrogate Al. We have to know why he did this, and if we need to expect any more attempts at my life. Subaru gave away his life for mine, so I will treat it as the most precious thing from now on. I will lead this country to flourish without fail, and I will do it in the name of my beloved knight.”

Otto smiled. He may have used to wrong formula, but he reached the correct outcome. Emilia regained her resolve, or at least she knew what she had to do in this moment.

Otto: “You really are amazing, Emilia-sama. It is no wonder that he fell for you.”

Emilia smiled sadly. “I am only like this thanks to him. He chose me from way before.”

Otto: “Give yourself some credit, Emilia-sama. No one denies how much he helped you, but these qualities have always been a part of you.”

Emilia: “He helped me uncover them and display them to the world. I wouldn’t have made it this far if it was not for him.”

Otto smiled. “I can’t argue with that.”

Emilia looked sadly at Subaru. ‘I am sorry, but I have things that I have to do. I will have to leave you alone for a bit.’ She took his hand into hers. She intertwined their fingers. ‘I didn’t get the chance to pay you back for everything you did for me...I wish we had more time…I am sorry that it had to end this way…So I won’t give up…I will not accept that you didn’t get to fulfil your dearest wish…I will find a way…So please…wait for me, Subaru…I will definitely bring you back…no matter what.’

Reinhard was speeding towards the royal palace. He took off as soon as he heard about the attack. He kept blaming himself for not being there. He soon arrived at the gates of the royal palace. The guards let him in with no resistance.

He was pacing through the halls when he saw Julius and Felix. Felix was a sobbing mess, and Julius had a shocked look on his face.

He could sense How they felt. The shock, the sorrow, the loss. These emotions only served to make his worries grow even further.

Reinhard: “Felix! Julius! What happened?”

Felix remained crying and did not look at him. Julius turned to him with a darkened expression.

Julius: “R-reinhard…”

Reinhard: “What happened here? I heard there was an attack. Is everything alright? Why do you look like that?”

Julius bit his lip. He was still in shock. He just arrived minutes before Reinhard. He didn’t have time to process what happened, but he decided that Felix was in an even worse state than he was, and he decided that he would be the barer of the horrible news.

Julius: “I will relay to you the details of what happened. Someone from the scheduling squad made a massive error. They allowed in one person that was not supposed to have a meeting with the queen today, and as such, we were not able make the proper preparations for dealing with this person. That person is Al, the former knight of the late royal candidate Priscilla Barielle. He launched an attack at the queen with the intention to end her life.”

Reinhard was shocked by what he was hearing. “Al? Why would he do that? Is the queen safe? I pray that she is well.”

Julius winced. “The queen is safe. Her knight, Natsuki Subaru was there with her. He stood in the way of the attack.”

His heart dropped. “N-no…T-there is no way…”

Julius’s nails dug into his palms as he forced the words out of his mouth. “Natsuki Subaru performed his duties splendidly…to the bitter end…”

Reinhard’s fears were confirmed. He knew that something was wrong when he entered the palace. He could sense the presence of all the inhabitants of the castle, but he could not sense Subaru. He was praying with all his heart that he was just stationed somewhere else, that he was just on a mission away from the capital. He wanted to believe that there was a reason for him not being able to sense him other than the worst reason possible, but he was wrong. Once again, his absence in the time of need led to this tragic outcome.

His divine protections activated, and they began to stabilize his mental state. “N-no…please…There is no way that he could die…He survived situations that were far more dangerous…please…tell me that my friend is alive…”

Julius looked to the ground. He covered his eyes with one of his hands to hide the unbecoming display. “I am sorry.”

Reinhard wanted to scream. He wanted to cry. He wanted to lash out. One of his closest friends lost his life. But he couldn’t do anything. He couldn’t cry his heart out. He couldn’t relieve himself through his tears. His position as the sword saint, the one that was more of a curse than a prestigious title, dictated that he be the one to never fall. He was the one that had to stand tall when everyone else fell to their knees. He saw that Julius was also trying to keep his emotions under control. He was struggling. Reinhard had no excuse. His divine protections were activated in order to help him maintain his composure. He hated it. He hated all of it. The circumstances that forced them into this position, the attack that ended his friend’s life, the knight code that didn’t allow Julius to freely morn Subaru’s death, his divine protections that made it so that he seemed like he was not affected by the death of his friend. ‘It is very fitting, isn’t it? A monster cannot mourn the death of his close friend. Julius is not a monster, yet he is also forcing himself to stay composed. Is it not Ironic? The knights, the ones who are the most prone to losing allies and loved ones, are not allowed to show their pain. Subaru was never one to follow in traditions. He always did what he believed to be right, rather than follow the examples of his predecessors. If the situation was different, would he have mourned me? I am sure he would have. He would not allow rigid codes of conduct to stop him from showing his pain. I cannot do that, but I can help people be themselves more. I can try to be like Subaru. Julius is right in front of me, and he is struggling. I have to help him. I have to be there for him. Unlike how I failed Subaru.’

Reinhard: “Julius…I can feel your pain…I am pained by what happened too…But I can not express my feelings…My divine protections would not allow me to…so…Can I ask you for a favour?”

Julius looked at him through his pain. He silently gestured for him to continue.

Reinhard: “Can you please forget the knightly code?… Just for today…I cannot do it…So…can you please do it in my place?…”

Julius looked at him with a pained expression. He bit his lip in frustration. “I am sorry, Reinhard. I can not help you. I have to be strong. I have to maintain the knightly code, despite how or what I feel.”

Reinhard: “Then if Julius is unable to do it, perhaps Juli can.”

Julius looked at him in shock.

Reinhard: “You don’t have to be the finest knight all the time. Sometimes, you can be Just Juli. Is this not something that Subaru told you?”

Julius was struggling to keep his composure.

Reinhard forced a smile. “Subaru would not have wanted you to force yourself to bottle up your emotions, is that not right?”

Julius could not keep it together anymore. His tears fell freely on his face. He silently shed tears for his fallen friend. Reinhard came closer to him and rubbed his back.

Reinhard: ‘That’s right. This is what Subaru would have done, this is what he would have wanted. Forgive me Subaru, I cannot be like this. I was not there for you, but I will try to hold us up. For your sake, and for mine too.’

Chapter Text

Beatrice opened her eyes. She felt slightly disorientated. She sat up on the bed she was laying in, and she looked around her. She was searching for her contractor, the one that always greeted her with a warm smile when she woke up. She couldn’t find him. She was starting to feel worried so she tried to access their bond through their contract.

She felt nothing.

She didn’t feel Subaru.

Not his presence, not his life force, not where he is.

Their contract was forcibly broken.

She began to breath heavily.

Beatrice: “Subaru…?…Where are you…?”

She tried to get up from the bed, but she stumbled and fell on the floor.

Tears were starting to form on her eyes.

Beatrice: “Subaru..?…I need…Betty needs you…Betty feels lonely…”

Her tears were falling freely down her face. She tried to get up, but it felt as if she was moving under water.

Beatrice: “Where did you go…?…Betty is scared…”

She then suddenly got hit with a wave of memories.

The throne room…Subaru’s laughing voice…Emilia’s smiling face…Al’s sudden appearance…The unexpected betrayal…Her contractor’s blood…His weak smile…The last breath he drew…

Beatrice felt her body tremble.

Beatrice: “N-no...please…That was just a horrible nightmare…It didn’t happen...”

She began to hyperventilate.

Beatrice: “It is not real…It is not real…”

She lost all strength in her limbs and fell limply on the floor.

Beatrice: “Betty will be good…She will treat her contractor better…She will spoil him rotten…so…please...let Betty wake up from this nightmare…”

She started pleading to no one in particular. She curled her body into a ball.

Beatrice: “It…it wasn’t a dream...It happened…Betty’s contractor is…Betty’s Subaru is…”

She was sobbing loudly. She felt indescribable pain in her chest. The room felt so vast, yet so restrictive. She felt no warmth, not the floor underneath her, not the mana around her, only loss. She closed her eyes shut. She did not want to see anything or anyone. She desperately clung to the many fond memories of her and her contractor goofing around.

Beatrice: “Subaru…”

She remembered his sweet smile as he sang her praises.

Beatrice: “S-subaruu…”

She remembered his warm hands when he hugged her and pat her head.

Beatrice: “N-no…Subaru…Don’t…”

She remembered how warm her hands felt when they held hands everywhere.

Beatrice: “Subaru…Don’t go…please…Betty is begging…”

But that was it. They were all memories, but nothing more. She can remember them all she wanted, but she can never experience them again. She can never feel her contractor’s embrace again. She can never hear his laughs again.

Beatrice: “.…”

She opened her eyes wide. She suddenly found the strength in her arms to push herself off the ground. She took a few shaky steps. Her pace was gradually increasing.

Beatrice: “Betty has to go…She has to go to him…She has to see him…”

She started running. She had no contract to guide her in his direction. She felt aimless, in all senses. It hurt her to no end. She ran without paying attention to where she was headed. She suddenly stopped in front of a door. She recognised it. It led to Emilia’s room. She felt something tugging at her soul from beyond the door. She extended a shaky hand to the door knob. She hesitated before opening the door. She dreaded opening it. she felt as though if she opened it and saw what was behind it, then she wouldn’t be able to do anything but face her reality.

She would lose the ability to deny what happened. What held her together was the small voice in her head that told her everything she wanted to believe, that none of it was real

That her memories were fake.

That she couldn’t feel the contract because someone tampered with it or Subaru decided to break it.

That It wasn’t the first time their contract was severed, that this was just like the last time.

She shook her head and steeled her heart. She opened the door and entered the room.

The room was eerily silent.

It felt cold.

She looked around the room. Emilia was not there. She was alone in the room.

She glanced at the bed.

She regretted doing so immediately.

He was there.

His face adorned with a soft and warm smile.

She moved closer to the bed.

She took his hand in hers.

It was cold. It was unlike what his hand felt like normally.

She felt no heartbeat. She heard no breaths. His chest was still…serene…lifeless.

She looked at him with a catatonic expression. Her head held no thoughts. She was so focused on comprehending the sight before her that she wouldn’t notice it if someone was standing right next to her. She tried to say something, but no words came out of her mouth.

Just sobs.

She climbed onto the bed and laid next to him.

She placed herself in between his arms. It brought her no warmth. It did not make her feel loved. Or course it couldn’t.

A corpse can never love her back.

She curled into a ball next to him and sobbed loudly.

Emilia walked through the palace with a tired expression. She was surrounded by guards, but she had no energy to complain. She headed to her throne room. The same room that saw her knight’s final moments.

She didn’t like what she saw when she entered.

The room was clean. There was no trace of the battle that occurred. They made it seem as if nothing had happened.

They cleaned her knight’s blood off the floor as if it was just a spilt drink.

The world was moving on, and her knight was being left behind.

She wanted to wail, to lash out, to scream and smash everything before her, but she had a duty. She promised her self that she would do her best for the kingdom, and for her knight’s memory.

The doors opened and Reinhard entered.

He seemed normal. His face expressionless. As if her knight’s death was nothing more than an inconvenience to him. She hated his face. She knew that it was not his fault, and that he was probably grieving too, but she couldn’t help but despise the fact that Subaru’s death seemed to not have any effect on him at all.

She averted her eyes from him as she spoke. “Reinhard...I am glad you are here.”

Reinhard knelt before her. “Your majesty…I am glad to see you in good health…I offer my sincere condolences…Subaru was a close friend of mine as well…”

Emilia’s face contorted in disgust. ‘Shut up…You were not there…If you did your job as the sword saint…then none of this would have happened…He wouldn’t have died…and I would have still had my Subaru next to me.’

She shook her head. “Thank you Reinhard…I take it the sages are arriving shortly, yes?”

Reinhard: “Yes, Emilia-sama…They will be here before long…”

Emilia did not reply to him and seemed lost in thought.

Reinhard felt sick to his stomach. He could feel Emilia’s emotions. She felt a plethora of negative emotions directed at everything, and some were directed at him too. He could tell what she was feeling, and he couldn’t help but agree with her assessment of him. The guilt he felt was weighing him down, but he continued to stand. He was the sword saint…He was not allowed to fall.

Reinhard: ‘Subaru…My friend…Forgive me…It is because of my uselessness that you are no longer among us…I know I will fall short…But I will protect Emilia-sama in your stead…I will protect the woman you gave your life for…I swear it upon my life.’

Emilia was siting on her throne as the five elders entered the room. Reinhard stood in as her knight. He was standing where Subaru usually stood when the time came for meetings like this. She hated that fact, but there was nothing she could do.

They knelt before her as their leader started speaking.

Miklotov: “Emilia-sama, we are thankful for your good heath, and we lament the death of you late knight. His actions were noble in life and in death.”

Emilia: “Thank you, lord Miklotov. I take it you did not come here to join me in mourning him.”

Bordeaux’s eyebrows twitched but he was silenced by a look from Miklotov.

Miklotov. “It is as you say, your majesty. Rumours of the attack have already spread through the capital. We have to put them to rest before the situation escalates.”

Emilia: “Yes…If you have any suggestions on our course of action, feel free to share them.”

Miklotov nodded. “We suggest that you make an appearance before the people. We have to let them know that their queen is alive and well. We also suggest that the news of Natsuki Subaru’s death be shared to the public. It might be beneficial for you.”

Emilia was taken a back. “Beneficial?”

Miklotov. “Yes. If the public was informed that a well loved figure like your late knight put himself in death’s way to protect you, then the Natsuki Subaru loyalists will most likely become fierce defenders of yours. They will carry on his will and continue to protect you in the name of his memory. We also have to take into account the risk of people rioting for the death of their hero figure, but if they do, it will only be for a short period of time and once they remember where Natsuki Subaru’s loyalties lay, they will come around.”

Emilia felt her blood boil. “Beneficial you say?…My knight’s death was beneficial?”

Miklotov: “Forgive my poor wording. In no way did I think of his death as an asset. We were simply trying to salvage an unfortunate situation.”

Emilia grit her teeth. ‘These soulless freaks! They try to spin everything in their favour…even Subaru’s death!’

Emilia: “I am not supportive of your plan, but the announcement has to be made. I refuse to keep the public in the dark.”

Bordeaux snapped at her. “It would be great if Emilia-sama focused on the future and stopped holding on to sentiments. Natsuki Subaru’s death is a monumental moment in Lugunican history, and as queen, it is your duty to take advantage of it.”

Emilia shot him a death stare but he continued regardless. “It is a chance for you to garner the unwavering support of the slum dwellers and the demi humans. Natsuki Subaru’s popularity among them is the highest. Do not stop yourself from utilizing such assets.”

Emilia snapped. “Don’t speak of my knight’s death like that!”

Bordeux: “And you should not hold onto worthless sentiments. Natsuki Subaru is dead. He can no longer serve the kingdom. Make use of his last moments while you can.”

Emilia felt blood rushing to her head. “You…”

Miklotov: “Lord Bordeaux! That was quite far.”

Bordeaux smirked. “No it was not. I am speaking from the point of logic. Look at the queen. She is so easily provoked. It was no surprise that she was taken off guard when she was attacked.”

Emilia did not care for the personal attacks directed towards her, but she could not forgive the way he spoke about Subaru.

Reinhard. “Lord Bordeaux, please refrain from unnecessary comments towards her majesty.”

Bordeaux: “No, I will speak freely. Natsuki Subaru’s intellect was a useful asset to us, and a threat to our enemies. He was bound to be assassinated. It was only a matter of time. It is good that he used his life to save the queen.”

Emilia was straining to restrain herself. Reinhard’s hand was twitching from anger. His divine protections were what prevented the council man from losing his life.

Bordeaux continued sternly. “We should utilize the death of the supposed ‘Hero of Luginica’ to the fullest. It was bound to happen at some point anyway. I can not deny his strategic genius, but when it came to martial prowess, he was far from satisfactory. He was more suited to a position of an advisor rather than a knight. He could not protect himself with his own strength, let alone anyone.”

Emilia shot him a cold stare. “My knight’s blood is yet to dry, and you speak of him in this manner? Should I have you executed, Lord Bordeaux?”

It took every ounce of self control from her to not freeze him solid where he stood.

Bordeaux relented. “I-I was merely stating my thoughts. Please pay my words no mind.”

Reinhard shot Emilia a thankful look. He was seconds away from separating his head from his body.

Miklotov saw the chance to deescalate. “Please forgive him, Emilia-sama. He is sometimes too much of a utilitarian for his own good. We understand that you are grieving, and I sympathise with you. We have shared everything that we wished to discuss. We will take our leave if there is nothing else to say.”

Emilia looked at the group of old men in disgust. She wanted nothing but for them to disappear from her sight. “That is all. You may leave.”

They bowed and left the room.

Emilia suddenly smashed her arm rest out of anger. “These old farts! How dare they speak of my Subaru like that? I should not have let them off. I should have made an example of that disgusting man.”

Reinhard looked at her in sympathy. “I understand how you are feeling, Emilia-sama, but that would only make your position worse. Think of how your opposition could spin the events if you did that.”

Emilia relented. She hated the fact that he was right. The opposition was surely going to spread conspiracy theories about ‘What really happened to the hero?’ just to increase public distrust towards her. Subaru was the main reason for her victory in the selection to begin with, and he was universally loved in the kingdom. If they started thinking that she had a hand in his death, then they will surely riot against her.

She sat back down on her throne.

She had just lost the man she loved, and now she is forced to participate in these political games. She just wanted to be next to her knight. She was still grieving him, and she has to deal with all sorts of conspiracy theories now. She hated every last bit of her situation, but she already made her promise. She was not going to slow down now. She will triumph over these hardships, just like her knight once did.

Chapter Text

Julius walked through the halls of the prison tower with a heavy heart. He still didn’t fully grasp that Subaru was gone.

It did not make any sense. He thought that Subaru would somehow manage to live forever. He never thought that the day where he would have to mourn him would ever come, let alone this soon.

He thought about how Subaru would never get to live his dream. He managed to grant his lady her dream, but he would not be a part of it, and it broke his heart.

Subaru’s death came in way too early. He was too young to die. He never got to experience the joys of life, he never got to be with his love, he never got to see his first born.

Julius stumbled, and was forced to lean on the rugged wall next to him.

His jaw clenched, his tears fell, his fingers dug into his palms, his body shuddered.

Julius: ‘Subaru…Forgive me friend…’

He couldn’t keep his strong front anymore. He was alone, no one was there to see him. He freely let his sobs out.

Julius: ‘I wish…We had more time…You were taken too soon…’

He covered his face with his hand. He took deep breaths, forcing himself to regain his composure.

Julius: ‘Remember why you are here, Julius Juukulius. I have to go and confront Al myself. I need to do something about this rage I feel in my heart.’

He wiped his tears and sharpened his eyes. He steadied his steps. He had a reason to be here, and he vowed to find out why his friend had to die.

He walked by a wall of cells. Al was being kept in the prison tower’s dungeon. It was a dark and gloomy part of the tower, reserved for the worst of the criminals. Many of the cells were housing dangerous criminals and witch cultists. They eyed him as he walked past them to the designated cell.

The guards explained to him where he was in their report. They knocked him out shortly after apprehending him in order to search him. They confiscated his helmet, and they found a poison pouch in his mouth, its purpose possibly was to end his own life if he failed his mission.

He shortly reached the cell that was holding him. The cell door was open. He saw Al there. He was chained to the wall. His face disfigured by multiple scars. The various bruises he had on his face did not make his appearance easier on the eye. He noticed the likely source of those bruises. The blond demi human, Garfiel, was sitting cross legged in the cell, facing him intently. He did not acknowledge Julius’s arrival. His eyes were focused on Al with deadly precision.

He felt for the boy’s pain. He knew that he considered Subaru to be an older brother figure. He knew how much Garfiel idolised Subaru. He reminded him a lot of his own little brother. He imagined Joshua in his place, grieving his death. He shook his head to dispel that idea.

Julius: ‘Don’t worry, Joshua. I will never let you experience this pain.’

Al looked up and seemed to acknowledge his presence.

Julius spoke with ire. “Al…It seems that your helmet has done us all a valuable service.”

Al scoffed. “Yeah, yeah. Not the first time I heard this one.”

His attitude only made Garfiel growl at him. “Shut your mouth, you filthy piece of shit.”

Julius ignored his choice of words. “You are detained here for several charges, including conspiracy to assassinate the queen, unlawful use of arms inside the royal palace and...for the murder…of Natsuki Subaru…What do you have to say for yourself?”

Julius forced himself to relay Al’s charges. He despised him to no end, but he would not ignore the standard procedure, even for someone like him.

Al scoffed. “Yeah…Guilty as charged.”

Julius’s eye twitched. “What were your reasons?”

Al: “I plead the fifth.”

Julius: “What?”

Al: “I am not telling you man.”

Before Julius could respond, Garfiel sprung from his position and landed a kick across his abdomen. He coughed up some blood.

Julius: “Garfiel-san! Please be mindful of his condition. We cannot kill him under any circumstances before he stand before the queen.”

Garfiel returned to his seat without looking at him. “I know that…I know that better than everyone…that’s why…I will keep my eyes on this bastard…He will never escape or kill himself until the princess sees him…and after that he will die by my hand.”

Al looked at him in between his coughs. “Damn...that’s some intense hatred you hold there, pal…I wonder who hurt you?…”

Julius was first to react to his provocations this time. “Don’t provoke him you idiot.”

Al scoffed at him.

Julius felt his eye twitch again. “Once again, state the reasons for your attack.”

Al: “I am not saying anything to you, man. I will only speak with Emilia.”

Garfiel seemed to be reaching his limit. “Don’t you dare say her name with your filthy mouth, you bastard.”

Al did not show any reactions to Garfiel. Julius cursed under his breath. Since he had requested to see Al this quick, he was not authorised to start interrogating him outside of asking simple questions. He felt as if his arms were tied behind his back. He wanted to take out all of his anger on him, but that would not be productive to his objective, not yet at least.

He decided to call it a day and return to his lady. She will have most likely already confirmed Subaru’s demise, so she shouldn’t be surprised by what he planned to share with her.

He glanced towards Garfiel in pity. He never saw his face once during this encounter, but he understood him, and he respected his desire to hide his face.

He could understand what was going on from the accumulated droplets on the floor next to his feet.

Under these circumstances, Garfiel could easily claim them to simply be beads of sweat.

He lamented that even a boy of this age was already caging himself behind similar expectations to himself, but this was not the time for either of them to speak about such topics.

He silently prayed for Garfiel and took his leave. Only his lady’s presence can calm his troubled heart now.

Emilia returned tiredly to her room.

She saw Beatrice, sleeping on the bed next to Subaru’s body. The sight broke her heart. Beatrice looked as if she was desperately clinging on to Subaru, trying to make herself forget what happened by feeling his body.

Emilia would have normally cried upon seeing such a scene, but the reality was that she was too tired to cry. She had no more tears to shed, so she just wordlessly got into the bed on Subaru’s empty side, and hugged his arm to herself.

Emilia: ‘Subaru…I am back…’

His body gave no reaction.

Emilia: ‘Subaru…I…’

His stillness kept reminding her of what happened. The image of him standing before her protectively with a blade sticking out of his back was itched to her mind.

Emilia: ‘Subaru…I...I never got to return your feelings…I never gave back the love that you gave me…because of my cowardice…You deserved so much more…I am sorry…I am sorry I didn’t give you what you wanted…what you deserved…’

Her heart was hurting. She felt the world collapse on top of her.

Her fatigue caught up to her, and she drifted into sleep, finally putting the worst day of her life behind her.

Emilia opened her eyes to a sunny view. She saw vast green lands extending endlessly. The clear blue sky made the scene seem peaceful. It beautifully contrasted the turmoil she felt in her heart. She sat up and began to take in her surroundings.

There was a sleeping figure next to her that she couldn’t recognise. Her eyes felt blurry. It seems she was crying in her sleep.

She wiped her eyes and took another look.

It was him.

It was Subaru.

He was right next to her, like he always was.

She sprung to her feet, but she stumbled in her hurry and fell on her face.

She was reminded of how futile her actions were.

It didn’t matter how fast she reached him, or how close she kept him.

Her actions wouldn’t bring him back.

She slowly pushed herself off of the ground and sat up again.

She slowly approached him and placed his head on her lap.

That’s when she noticed it.

His chest was moving.

She could see it.

Her knight was moving.

She felt her heartbeat quicken.

She extended a shaky hand to his cheek.

It was warm.

It felt familiar, like how it always felt when he was alive.

Her breathing was becoming faster.

She pressed a finger to his neck.

She could feel it.

His heart was beating.

She didn’t know if this was a dream or not, but she didn’t care.

If it was a dream, then she would rather stay asleep for all of eternity, if it meant she could be with him again.

She felt immense relief course through her.

Her tears fell down her face as if a dam had broke.

She felt movement in her lap.

He moved!

She saw him slowly open his eyes.

She saw his eyes soften once he recognised her.

Subaru: “Emilia-tan?”

She couldn’t keep it together. She broke into incoherent sobs.

He was right here, in front of her.

She could hear his voice. She could see him move.

He was alive.

Emilia: “S-subaru…”

He was immediately jolted by her crying and sat up. He turned to her and wrapped her in his arms.

Subaru: “Emilia? What’s wrong? Please don’t cry.”

His voice only made her weeps grow louder. He was the same as he always was. His first though was to always check on her.

Emilia: “Subaru…You are alive…”

Subaru stiffened a little.

She noticed it. She forced herself out of her trance and hurriedly started checking his body for injuries.

He was fine. His blood was not spilt, and there were no stab wounds on him.

Emilia: “Subaru…Subaru...I am sorry…I am sorry…”

Her sobs returned to her. She cried tears of joy. He was next to her again.

Subaru took a deep breath. “I am sorry, Emilia. You are crying because of me, right?”

Emilia shook her head. “No…No…I am just so happy...I thought I could never see you again…I thought I could never hear you again…”

Subaru frowned. “I am sorry…My actions brought you this much pain…”

Emilia reprimanded him. “It doesn’t matter now…You are here…Alive…I don’t care about anything else…”

Subaru looked at her solemnly. “I am not alive…I am sorry Emilia, but I can’t be with you again…”

Emilia gasped. “W-what are you talking about?…I can see you…I can hear you…”

Subaru: “This place…it is not in the real world…I think it is similar to Echidna’s tea party…It is a place where dead souls can reside…”

Emilia felt her joy disappear. “N-no…please… don’t tell me…Are you really dead?”

Subaru looked down and didn’t say anything.

Emilia wrapped her arms around him. She held him tightly, his warmth felt real.

Emilia: “If that’s the case…then please…let me stay like this…While I still can.”

Subaru silently wrapped his arms around her.

She nuzzled closer to him. His scent brought her some sense of comfort.

Emilia: “Subaru…There are so many things I want to say to you…So many things I wanted to say…But I didn’t…I thought I had all the time in the world…I though the two of us were invincible…We managed to overcome all hardships that faced us…mainly thanks to you…And I let it get to my head…I got too comfortable…I didn’t take the necessary precautions…And that led to your death…”

She closed her eyes, and put her ears to his chest. She could hear his heart. The sound of it made her feel reassured.

Emilia: “I took you for granted…I am sorry…You did everything for me…You fought all my enemies…You made my dreams a reality…I became the queen thanks to you…but I never gave you what you wanted…I knew what your heart truly desired…yet I did nothing…I couldn’t understand my feelings…and when I understood them…I was too embarrassed to be honest with you…Even though you kept telling me how much you loved me…I didn’t say it back to you even once…I am sorry…I am so, so sorry…I love you.”

Subaru rubbed her back as she sobbed in between her words.

Subaru: “I love you, Emilia. I know how much pain my choice caused you, but I don’t regret it. Maybe it could have gone a different way if I was better, but thinking about it now doesn’t help with anything. I am happy that you are alive…. I am happy that you are safe.… Thank you for loving me.”

Emilia sobbed harder into his chest. She tightened her arms around him, wanting this moment to stretch endlessly. She truly wanted to stay in his arms forever, but all good things come to an end.

Subaru began to yawn, and she felt the arms he kept wrapped around her lose their grip. She was startled instantly and looked at him worriedly.

Emilia: “Subaru?…Subaru?!… Are you alright?!”

Subaru yawned. “I am fine…Emilia…I am just…A little…sleepy.”

He closed his eyes and drifted back to sleep. She held him close to her, not wanting this feeling to go away.

She noticed something at the edge of her eyes.

She saw shadows starting to manifest out of no where.

The shadows were thick. They felt out of place in this serene environment. Their existence tainted the peace of this realm.

She saw a figure emerge from these shadows. It was a figure that she recognised.

She held Subaru protectively as she sneered at the figure that stood before her.

Emilia: “The witch of envy.”

The figure that was the main cause of the pain she felt growing up appeared to haunt her once more.

Chapter Text

Emilia held onto Subaru protectively as she saw the shadows manifest in the middle of the grassland. Her heartbeat quickened. She saw the figure emerging from the shadows. She was being confronted by the main cause of most of the hardship that she faced in her life. She pulled Subaru closer to her chest as she watched the witch of envy as she completed manifesting in the plane of existence.

She turned to her and saw her holding onto Subaru, or rather only saw Subaru and ignored her existence completely.

Satella: “I love you…I love you…”

Emilia felt chills down her spine. The worst calamity in existence was moving slowly towards her. Her arms outstretched and aimed at her sleeping knight.

Emilia: “S-stay back!”

Satella paid her no mind as she continued to advance slowly. “I love you…I love you…”

Emilia felt her body shudder. For one reason or another, the witch of envy was after her knight. She was repeating her declarations of love to him, something that pissed her off to no end.

Emilia: “What do you want from him?”

Satella continued to ignore her and advanced in her usual pace.

Once she got closer, Emilia took Subaru and jumped back, creating some distance between them. Emilia was scared out of her mind, but she would rather die than let that thing reach her beloved knight.

It was only after her sudden movement that the witch of envy noticed Emilia’s existence. Her expression turned sour as she stopped in her tracks.

Satella: “You…You…You…You killed him…”

Emilia was shocked. She felt her hatred towards her fade a little as memories of what happened on the day he died rushed to her head.

Satella: “You killed him…You killed him…”

Emilia’s body started shaking. “N-no…I-I…”

Satella: “He died…because of you…”

Emilia held Subaru closer to her chest in an effort to stifle down the dark feelings she was starting to feel.

Satella seemed to stop her ramblings and began to speak more coherently. “You are the reason for his death…You are the reason for why he is no longer among the living…Yet you tell me to stay away from him…”

Emilia shuddered and tried to block her ears. It did not help her even a little. It was as if her voice was echoing inside her head.

Satella: “You hold onto him as if you don’t want him to disappear…But he will disappear regardless because of you…”

Emilia replied with a shaky voice. “N-no…I-I didn’t…”

Satella: “Why do you feel like you deserve him?”

Satella sent shadowy hands that restrained Emilia from moving. She proceeded to snatch the sleeping Subaru from her and bring him closer to herself. She laid him on the floor with utmost care, resting his head on her lap.

Emilia screamed at her. “NO!…Let him go this instant!”

Satella: “Are you sure you want me to let him go?”

Emilia felt confused, but she kept her eyes sharpened on her.

Satella: “I am the only thing that anchors his soul to this world. If I let go of him, his soul will dissipate into oblivion. It will not even return to Od Lagna.”

Emilia gasped. “W-what?”

Satella: “I am keeping him in this plane of existence thanks to my connection to him. If that connection is severed, he will cease to exist.”

Emilia looked horrified. “W-what are you talking about? Why would he disappear?”

Satella: “Simple. Only souls born out of Od Lagna can return to it. If a soul was originated anywhere else, it will simply cease to exist upon its death.”

This information only served to make Emilia’s confusion deepen even further. She looked at her with eyes that looked as if she was pleading for more information.

Satella looked at her in irritation. “I will spell it out since you cannot reach any conclusion on your own. He comes from beyond the great waterfall.”

Emilia’s jaw slackened. “N-no…You are lying…There is no way…”

Satella: “Is that so? Can you tell me where he comes from then?”

Emilia’s breath hitched in her throat. “H-he comes from a remote village in…in…”

She then put a hand to her face, covering her mouth in shock as she began to understand.

Emilia: “B-but how?…Why?…He didn’t tell me…”

Satella: “He did not? That is interesting...Perhaps he told you and you thought nothing of it…Perhaps he told you and you simply did not believe him…Perhaps you deemed that information to be useless and did not bother to remember it…Perhaps he didn’t tell you because he thought you would not believe him anyway.”

Emilia: “N-no…If he told me…I would have believed him…I would have…”

Satella: “Even if he did not tell you…How did you not figure it out? Were you not the person he spent most of his life with? Did you not find it strange that he could not read or write and had to learn these skills from the start? Did you not find it strange that he was severely lacking in common sense? Did you not find it strange that he held incredible knowledge while being ignorant of simple information that even a child would know? Did you not think much of his behaviour that matched no one else?”

Everything Satella said to Emilia made her wince harder than before. She was right. The signs were always there, waiting for her to put the pieces of the puzzle together. Subaru might not have told her, but he made no effort to hide it either. Maybe he wanted her to figure it out so he can feel safe when telling her about his origins?

Satella looked at her with absolute disdain. “Or perhaps you never cared in the first place.”

Emilia’s face shot up to her in absolute shock. “N-no…Y-you are wrong...”

Satella: “You may claim otherwise, but you paid no meaningful attention to him. I wished for him to have a good life, but you derailed that from him.”

Emilia felt defeated. She could not find the words to defend herself, and even if she did, she might have stayed silent. Satella’s accusations hit her deeply.

Satella: “He would have had a happy and long life had he not met you. He would have attained great amounts of wealth by utilizing his otherworldly knowledge. He would have found love and lived long enough to see his children and grandchildren, but he met you.”

Emilia’s eyes started tearing up.

Satella: “You charmed him, and made him fall in love with you…He was happy to be at your feet just to be in your proximity…He moved mountains just to earn a smile from you, and he did it all with a smile on his face…He lived and died hoping that you might one day give him a sliver of the love he held for you…And you did not even give him that while he was still alive.”

Emilia’s tears were running down her face. She didn’t want to believe what she was hearing, but she had no choice but to do so. She didn’t want to continue hearing what she had to say, but she continued to hear it regardless. She didn’t want to be tormented by her memories, but she was not spared from them.

Satella: “He granted all of your wishes, but you did not grant his only one…You knew he was waiting on your answer…You knew that you had feelings for him…Yet you let him die without giving him what he dearly wanted…You took him for granted…”

Emilia: “S-stop…”

Satella: “Even when he died, all he was feeling was relief…He felt relieved that you were unharmed…He felt happy that you would continue on with your life when he was having his final moments… His dying breaths were filled with nothing but love for you…”

Emilia’s tears obscured her vision. “Please…stop…no more…”

Satella: “Do you know why I could pull you into this plane? I can only bring people here if Subaru’s soul felt a deep longing for them. The other ones who I could have brought here were the spirit and the blue haired maid, but he did not feel longing for them like he felt it for you. Do you understand what that means? Even in death, his soul continued to call out to you.”

Emilia was sobbing loudly. Her mind kept flashing memories of her knight’s face, smiling softly at her. She could no longer see those memories as a reminder of happier days, but instead, her greatest regret.

Satella’s voice was dripping in the hatred she felt for her. “You exploited his love for you. You used him to reach your goals, and in the end, you used his life to preserve yours. When that fated moment came, you did not react to the attack. You did not even bother to try and defend yourself. You simply closed your eyes and decided to do absolutely nothing, forcing him to put himself in between you and the blade. Do not plead your innocence through your ignorance. You knew that he would never allow harm to reach you, so you subconsciously decided that you did not need to address the incoming threat, and you were right. He did as he would always do, and saved you at the cost of his life. You ungrateful-”

Satella suddenly felt Subaru’s body jolt and fall from her lap to the ground.

Emilia: “Subaru!”

Satella pursed her lips. She took a deep breath before continuing. “It seems that even as a soul with its consciousness being dormant, he still tries to protect you. I will spare you for his sake. I still have so many things I want to say to you, but I don’t want to go against his wishes.”

Emilia looked at Subaru with teary eyes. Satella released her from her restraint, and she bolted towards Subaru and held him close to her chest. She cried loudly when she felt him in her arms once more, her sobs drowning all sound coming from Satella.

Emilia: “Subaru...I am sorry…I am so sorry…”

Satella rolled her eyes at her. “Let me say one last thing: I absolutely despise you. I hate your existence with all of my heart. I would have ended your life if Subaru’s dying wish wasn’t for you to have a long life.”

Emilia replied with a shaky voice. “I-Its fine…if you hate me...I will accept it…But please…Let me see him again…I will do anything…Please…please…”

Satella huffed. “That depends on what you do from now. I didn’t orchestrate this little meeting just to give you a piece of my mind after all.”

Emilia nodded. “I will do whatever you say…Just please…Let me see my knight again…I want to hear his voice…I want to apologise to him…I want to give him my love.”

Satella looked at her in irritation. “If you want to do that, then you better do everything in your power to bring him back to life.”

Emilia’s eyes widened. She slowly lifted her eyes to look at her in disbelief. “I can bring him back?”

Satella: “It should still be possible. As much as I hate to admit it, you were the most qualified out of the three people that I could bring to this plane. With your authority and influence, you should be able muster the resources required to revive him.”

Emilia looked on with hope shining through her tears. “Please tell me…How can I bring him back?”

Satella: “I am not familiar with the method. Echidna was the one who discovered the way to revive herself after death, and she would never share any of her discoveries with me. Find her disciple and get him to help you.”

Emilia: “Where can I find that disciple?”

Satella: “Your ignorance irritates me to no end. You should already be more than familiar with him. He was your camp’s sponsor after all.”

Emilia gasped. “R-roswaal?”

Satella: “He knows the method for reviving the dead. Recruit his help, and bring my beloved back to life.”

Emilia felt hope building up in her chest for the first time in what felt like an eternity. She couldn’t believe that such a thing was possible, but she desperately needed any hope she could cling onto. She looked back at the sleeping Subaru that she was embracing. She saw his soft, peaceful expression as he weakly exhaled. She reminded herself of the sheer grief she felt when she held him earlier when he could no longer breathe. She swore to herself and to Subaru that she would bring him back. She will not take him for granted anymore, and she will stop being complacent.

She caressed his hair lovingly. “Wait for me, Subaru…I will definitely bring you back…Just wait…And the woman you loved with finally give back her love…I am sorry that it took this long…I am sorry that I couldn’t give it back while you were still alive…But I will correct all of those mistakes.”

Satella averted her eyes from the sight of her holding Subaru so lovingly. It disgusted her to no end, but it was a means to an end.

Emilia: “Why? Why are helping me so much?”

Satella sneered at her. “Make no mistake, I am not doing any of this for you. My wish is for my beloved to live a happy life. You were merely the most useful tool that could make it happen. Don’t expect any gratitude from me.”

Emilia sharpened her resolve. “I am fine with that. I will gladly become your tool if it means that I can see him breathing again. I will do anything and everything in my power to bring him back.”

Satella: “Good. Now get out of my sight.”

Emilia’s eyelids suddenly started growing heavier. She didn’t want to leave this place. Subaru was alive here after all, but she understood that she can’t remain here. She placed a hand on his cheek and planted a kiss on his lips as her consciousness started to fade.

Emilia opened her eyes in her bed. She felt cold. Her body was drenched in sweat. She hurriedly looked to her side. He was there, but he no longer breathed. No movement, no heartbeat, just the cold stillness of a corpse. Her heart hurt at seeing him in this state again.

But she steeled her heart. She will do everything to make sure he regained his life.

Emilia: ‘Just wait for me, Subaru. Your beloved with bring you back.’

Chapter Text

Emilia woke up, feeling a resurgence in her energy. There was a light at the end of the tunnel now. He was dead, but if the witch of envy was to be believed, he can be brought back. She decided to believe her. She didn’t care if it was just a possibility, or just a shot in the dark. Just the fact that there was an alternative option to her having to bury her knight forever was enough for her.

She decided that she was going to prepare for a trip to the Roswaal mansion. She decided to head to her office. A totally depleted Otto was already waiting for her inside.

Emilia: “Good morning, Otto. You seem to be even more tired than yesterday.”

Otto looked at her and raised his eyebrows slightly. “Good morning, Emilia-sama. You seem…fine.”

For some reason he did not seem to be happy about it.

She didn’t think much of it and continued. “We have a very busy day before us today. I would like to finish everything that I need to do as early as possible. We need to make an announcement and confirm my safety to the people. We don’t need to deal with civil unrest on top of everything else.”

Otto was looking at her as if she grew an extra head. “Emilia-sama...You seem very level headed today…”

Emilia smiled. “I am okay Otto. I just want to finish everything up. I have many things that I want to do today.”

Otto looked at her in disbelief and just sank even further into his seat.

Emilia was starting to be concerned.

Emilia: “Otto?…Are you okay?”

Otto: “Forgive me for my rudeness, but are you seriously asking me that?”

Emilia was shocked. Otto has never spoken to her like that before.

Otto: “My best friend was murdered in cold blood yesterday, and you are asking me if I was okay?”

Emilia was taken a back.

Otto: “I was about to ask you that exact same question. I was worried that you might be in an even worse state than me, but it seems like there is no need. You seem to be plenty fine Emilia-sama. It almost feels like Natsuki-san’s death was barely an inconvenience to you.”

Emilia widened her eyes: “N-no…that’s not...”

Otto gave her a cold gaze. “No, I understand. You are the queen. You have so many responsibilities on your shoulder. I guess this is why you are fit to be queen and not someone like me. I can’t brush Natsuki-san’s death to the side as if it was nothing. Forgive me for my outburst.”

Emilia was horrified by what he said. “N-no, Otto wait…It’s not like that…”

Otto closed his eyes as he stood up. “There is nothing to explain, Emilia-sama. I am clearly not level headed enough to be perform my duties like you. I will have to return to my quarters until I get my head on straight. Good day, Emilia-sama.”

He turned around and left without leaving any more words. He left a horrified Emilia sitting alone in her office, tormented by her thoughts.

Emilia: ‘What is wrong with me? Otto was totally right there. My attitude was really insensitive. He is still grieving Subaru.’

Emilia suddenly paused, and widened her eyes once more. ‘He is still grieving Subaru? Why did I think that? Why did I exclude myself from that feeling? Why do I not feel grief? Is it because of that dream?’

She put a hand up to cover her mouth. ‘Subaru is still dead. He is no longer living here, yet I don’t feel grief. What is wrong with me? No…No…It can’t be...Was she right about me?…Do I really care so little for my knight?…No…It is just because I believe that I can bring him back…Right?…That has to be it…yes…There is no way that I would care so little about him.’

She started taking deep breaths to try and calm herself down.

She heard a knock on her door.

It was Reinhard.

He looked as elegant and as knightly as ever. She finally understood why Otto was so angry at her. Reinhard looked unfazed by the events of the prior day. She understood that it was to no fault of his own, but it irritated her nonetheless.

Emilia: ‘I need to apologize to Otto later.’

Reinhard bowed. “Good morning, Emilia-sama. I happened to come across Otto-sama on my way here. He looked to be quite aggravated. Did something happen?”

Emilia sighed. “Yes, but you should pay it no mind. It was a misunderstanding between us, and I did not explain myself properly.”

Reinhard frowned.

Emilia continued. “We need to make an announcement today. I need you to organise a meeting in the town square and declare that the queen is safe, and that the attack was unsuccessful.”

Reinhard frowned further. “Emilia-sama…Subaru died in that attack…calling it unsuccessful is...”

Emilia: “Forgive me Reinhard. I did not mean it like that. I don’t want to announce Subaru’s death.”

Reinhard looked at her in shock. “Emilia-sama? You are not announcing it? I can’t help but disagree with your decision here. Please reconsider it.”

Emilia: “I will not announce it. Subaru will not be staying dead for long.”

Reinhard was horrified. “E…Emilia-sama?”

Emilia: “I will be bringing him back to life.”

Reinhard adopted a stern look. “Forgive me, Emilia-sama, but you are making a major mistake. Subaru is dead. His life has ended. Trying to bring him back will not solve anything, and he will never be the same. Tampering with the dead never yields positive results. You should know that more than anyone.”

Emilia remained unfazed. “I understand your concerns, but I don’t plan on bringing him back as an undead. It will not be like how it was in Vollachia. I will bring Subaru back properly.”

Reinhard: “There is only one way of bringing the dead back, and it is a grave violation of the dead person’s soul. Please don’t do that to Subaru.”

Emilia: “What if there was another way? A way that was a true revival?”

Reinhard raised his eyebrows in surprise.

Emilia: “There is a way for a true revival. It was created by the witch of greed, and the method was not lost to time. It might be difficult, but nothing will stop me from bringing back my knight.”

Reinhard: “I can’t help but feel sceptical. Can you tell me where that information came from? I don’t feel comfortable with believing a witch or trusting Subaru’s soul to her techniques.”

Emilia: “I saw a vision in my sleep. The information was disclosed by the witch of envy.”

Reinhard took a step back. “T-the witch of envy?”

Emilia nodded. “For some reason, there is a connection between Subaru’s soul and her. It allowed her to keep his soul with her and stopped it from returning to Od Lagna or even worse. The method is only possible thanks to that.”

Reinhard sharpened his eyes. “Emilia-sama…Please tell me that you are not believing her words.”

Emilia stared back into his eyes. “I have no other choice. I will not ignore it if there is a way to bring him back.”

Reinhard: “Please be reasonable, Emilia-sama. I understand that you are grieving. But doing that will do nothing but violate Subaru’s soul and memory.”

Emilia: “I understand the risks, but I have no other alternative.”

Reinhard: “There is an alternative. You can accept reality. I don’t want to accept it either. I want to believe that there is a way to undo Subaru’s death. I know I appear to be emotionless and unaffected by what happened yesterday, but believe me, I am nothing like that. I wish I was able to cry. I wish I was able to break down and grief him like normal people. But I can’t. Please Emilia-sama, don’t go through with this.”

Emilia: “No. I refuse to stay still and do nothing if there was something I could do. Doing nothing is what led me to this position. If I had done something…If I refused to stand still and close my eyes…Subaru might have been still alive by now. But he is not alive anymore, and that happened because I did nothing. I refuse to stay the same.”

Reinhard winced. “It seems there is nothing I can do to stop you, Emilia-sama.”

Emilia remained silent.

Reinhard spoke with a sombre tone. “I will do as you wish. I will announce that the attack was a failure, and that the queen was safe.”

He got up from his seat and headed towards the door.

He suddenly stopped and spoke without turning around. “Please keep your findings a secret. If the fact the Subaru was someone who was connected to the witch of envy became public, his body would be burned at the stake. I pray for your success in your endeavours.”

Emilia slumped on her desk as soon as he left her. Tears started to stream down her eyes.

Emilia: “Subaru…”

Garfiel was sitting in the cell facing the chained Al. He was unnaturally still. His eyes fixed on the man before him. This was the man that took his captain’s life. Garfiel had sworn that he would kill him with his own hands. But he had to wait for Emilia to face him first. He knew that she was grieving hard. He saw the way she held onto his captain’s corpse. He was not going to take away her chance at having her revenge from the man that killed her knight.

Al: “So…You like appas?”

Garfiel: “…”

Al: “Personally, they aren’t my favourite, but the princess loved them…”

Garfiel: “…”

Al: “She actually thought that they were white coloured once upon a time…Would you believe that?”

He chuckled to himself.

Garfiel grit his teeth. “…”

Al: “Come on...don’t be a party pooper…Speaking to myself is kind of lonely.”

Garfiel: “There is no need for me to speak with a soon to be corpse.”

Al: “I know that I will be killed eventually, but communicating is still important you know…Didn’t that guy teach you anything?”

Garfiel got up and landed a powerful punch on his jaw that made him spit out a couple of his teeth. He then silently returned to his seated position.

Al: “Would you look at that…You can actually move after all…You have been sitting in that same spot for over a day now…That is bad for your bones you know.”

Garfiel: “…”

Al: “Not even a thank you? Jeez…This generation really has no respect for their elders…”

Garfiel finally snapped. “I am barely restraining myself from ripping your head from your body…Are you trying to hasten your death?”

Al looked at him thoughtfully and remained silent.

He heard footsteps behind him.

Julius: “You are still here? You need to go and rest.”

Garfiel replied dryly. “No need.”

Julius: “Resting properly is a part of your duties. If another attack happened while you were fatigued, you would not be able to defend the ones you have to defend properly.”

Garfiel grit his teeth. He didn’t want to agree.

Julius spoke in a softer voice. “Go and rest. I will take over in making sure he stays right here. Don’t worry about him. He will not move from his position, not even an inch.”

Garfiel finally relented. He got up and turned to face Julius. “Thanks.”

Julius smiled at him.

Al: “You are going already? I though you were going to watch me forever…”

Garfiel grit his teeth and continued walking towards the exit of the prison tower.

Garfiel walked through the halls of the palace. He looked miserable. His clothes were dirtied by dried blood, and he smelled like death. He was in desperate need of a bath, but he could not care less.

Being in that cell…Watching that bastard constantly…Having a task at hand…It helped him escape from his reality for a little while. Now, he was at the mercy of his own thoughts.

Garfiel: ‘Captain…I can’t believe it…I don’t want to believe it…Are you really gone?…This is so unfair…My captain is the greatest ever…He survived far in far worse situations…Yet he is gone forever just like that?…What do I do now?…Oh Od…What do I say to Ram?…To Rem?…To Petra and to my sister?…They trusted me to keep him and the princess safe…I was here in the capital…Yet I proved to be as useless as ever…I am sorry captain…You died…because of my incompetence…’

He continued with a heavy heart as he walked aimlessly in the royal palace. He spotted a door that he recognised pretty well.

Emilia’s office.

He didn’t want her to see him in this state, but he needed to speak with someone. He knocked on her door, and she allowed him to enter.

Emilia was immediately startled when she saw his state. “Garf! What happened?”

She rushed to him and began to cast healing magic on him. She was even more surprised when she realised that he was uninjured.

Garfiel spoke with a shaky voice. “Princess…Is it real?…Is my captain really dead?”

Emilia looked at him with pity and held him in a hug. Emilia’s wordless confirmation made the bitter truth finally settle in Garfiel’s mind. His tears began to accumulate in the corners of his eyes.

Garfiel: “So it’s true…He is dead…”

Emilia wordlessly stroked his hair in an effort to comfort him.

Garfiel couldn’t hold his tears any longer. “I am sorry…I am sorry…It’s all my fault…”

Emilia: “No, Garf…None of it was your fault.”

Garfiel: “No it is…It is no one else’s fault but mine…I was supposed to be your shield…I was supposed to be the one that would take such attacks in your stead and not him…but I was nowhere to be found when I was needed…And because of that…My captain died…”

Emilia looked at him sadly: “Oh Garf…Don’t be so harsh on yourself…Subaru wouldn’t want you to beat yourself up like that…”

Garfiel couldn’t hold it in anymore and broke into loud sobs. He wept and wept into Emilia’s arms. “Captain...Captain…Don’t go…Please…”

Emilia couldn’t do anything but keep him held there. She kept brushing his hair softly with her fingers. It broke her heart to see the kid that is usually stoic and full of energy breaking down like that.

Garfiel continued to weep his heart out until there was no more to give. His breath was starting to regulate again. He wiped the tears from his face. Emilia let him go once she felt that he was fine.

Garfiel: “I am sorry, princess. I never wanted you to see my amazin’ self like that.”

Emilia chuckled. “You really are acting like him. It’s okay to cry when you are sad, you know.”

Garfiel felt a faint blush rush to his cheeks. He then suddenly adopted a serious expression.

Garfiel: “That bastard is being held in the prison tower. He refused to spill anything. He said that he would only speak if you were there.”

Emilia’s eye twitched. She remembered Al. She felt a fury that she never felt before.

Emilia: “Is that so?”

Garfiel: “Yes. So if you are done with your important paper works, you should go and make him talk.”

Emilia winced. “I am sorry, Garf. I cannot do that anytime soon.”

Garfiel raised an eyebrow. “What? Why? Can you not spare any time at all?”

Emilia: “Sadly no. Something important came up, and I will be leaving the capital tonight.”

Garfiel shook his head in disbelief. “Something important? More important that bringing justice to the man that killed my captain?”

Emilia winced hard. “Yes.”

Garfiel took a step back. “T-then can you tell me what it is? If I can help…If we can finish whatever it was quickly…Then we can…”

Emilia looked apologetic. “I am really sorry, Garf. I cannot speak on it now.”

Garfiel stared at her in disbelief. “Princess?…Emilia-sama?…My captain died yesterday…There is something more important that that?”

Emilia grit her teeth. ‘I have to keep it a secret… I am really sorry Garf… It’s okay if you hate me…’

Garfiel shook his head: “Something is wrong…This isn’t right…My captain died for you…Are you okay with that?…Why are you not sad?…The captain loved you…How are you not affected?”

Emilia dug her nails into her palm. This was the path that she chose. She can’t falter now.

Garfiel: “I don’t understand…I don’t understand...”

He promptly got up and left the room. Emilia stared at the closed door that he left behind. Her face felt wet. It was her tears. This is the reality that she was living in. The reality that she would change no matter what.

Chapter Text

Emilia continued through her day absentmindedly. Her thoughts were all over the place. She managed to finish all the necessary paperwork she needed before leaving the capital.

She heard a knock on her door. There was one last person that she needed to see before leaving, and she had called for her. She allowed her to enter her office.

Crusch: “Emilia-sama…”

Emilia spoke with a tired voice. “Crusch-san…Thank you for coming here on such a short notice…”

Crusch: “No…It’s part of my duty to the kingdom and to its ruler…”

She took a deep breath. “I heard about what happened from Ferris…I offer you my sincere condolences…”

Crusch maintained a stoic front, but Emilia could see the red hints at the corners of her eyes.

Emilia: “Thank you…I called you here today because I wanted to inform you that I will be away from the capital for a while…I will be returning to the Roswaal mansion for a short period of time…”

Crusch nodded. “I understand…I can’t imagine how much pain you are going through…Subaru-dono was loved by everyone around him…His death will cause reverberations across the world…You should take the time to mourn him…I can defend the capital in the meantime.”

Emilia gave her a weak smile. “Thank you.”

Crusch hardened her expression. “However, I cannot understand why you decided to not announce his death. I understand that an announcement like that might shake up the country, but it would be even worse if it was not announced, and instead, someone leaked it. Please reconsider your decision.”

Emilia frowned. “I know that…I know all of that…”

Crusch: “Then why do you want to keep it a secret?”

Emilia remained silent.

Crusch: “I understand how painful it is…Believe me, I do…Subaru-dono has etched his way into my heart too…It may not be to the same extent as you, but I cared for him deeply as well…I didn’t want to believe it when it happened either…I hated it…His death brought nothing but painful memories...But it is our role as leaders to remain strong and accept reality when faced by hardship like this…No matter how harsh it was…”

Emilia chuckled. “You make it sound so easy…”

Crusch: “It is not easy…It is never easy… Losing the man you love is never easy…You are only delaying the inevitable by keeping his death a secret…You don’t want to believe that he is really dead…You want to deny it with all of you might…You think that it might all be just a nightmare…But reality can sometimes be harsher than your worst nightmare…”

Emilia looked at her in anger. “Crusch-san…With all due respect, I don’t believe that you truly understand how it feels…Subaru died in my arms…He sacrificed his life for me…”

Crusch paused for a moment. “I watched my first love die before me too…”

Emilia’s anger faded.

Crusch continued with a painful expression on her face. “Prince Fourier Lugunica…The late fourth prince of the kingdom of Lugunica…I am sure you are familiar with the disease that killed the royal family…He was not spared from that fate…I was there with him when he was taking his last breaths…There was nothing I could do…I didn’t want to accept it…I wanted it all to go away…I wished that it was all but a really horrible nightmare…and that I would soon wake from it and see him again…but alas…”

She took a deep breath, and then straitened her posture. “I understand how you feel, Emilia-sama… Grieving for Subaru is the most natural thing to do, but…don’t follow in my footsteps…After Fourier’s death, I made it my mission to seek justice from the divine dragon that did not protect the royal family…And it led me no where…I did not get my revenge…I did not win the election…I spent the majority of my time either bed ridden or as an amnesiac…I could have moved on with my life…I met someone that tugged on my heartstrings while I was consumed by my desire for revenge…And instead of treasuring that person, I prioritised my foolish goal…And now I can never reach out to that person ever again…Don’t be like me, Emilia-sama…Don’t let these thoughts dominate you.”

Emilia looked at her in sympathy. She saw her in a new light.

Emilia: “I am very sorry to hear that...I didn’t know…”

Crusch shook her head with a smile. “It is fine, Emilia-sama.”

Emilia winced. “I understand what you are trying to say…I really do…But I can’t just let this go…I can’t…Subaru…He did everything for me…He made all my dreams come true…I can’t just let him go…I just can’t…”

Crusch sighed in resignation. “Well, I can’t really blame you for choosing this path…But don’t forget who you are. You are the queen, and you have a responsibility towards the people of Luginica.”

Emilia spoke with sharpened resolve in her eyes. “I will not forget. I will never forget that. I am here because Subaru brought me here. I would never spit on his efforts by becoming a lousy queen.”

Crusch smiled. “Then I can rest assured in that case. Please take your time, and try to sort out your feelings. It is best to be surrounded by loved ones when facing tragedies like this one.”

Emilia smiled. “Thank you so much, Crusch. I am in your debt.”

Crusch: “It is simply my duty to the queen and the kingdom.”

She smiled and stood up. As she was leaving, Emilia noticed that her hands were shaking. She silently thanked her once more.

Emilia returned to her room. She saw Beatrice, still curled up with tears streaming down her face. She hated seeing her like that. Beatrice refused to speak to her ever since Subaru’s death.

Emilia: “Beatrice…You haven’t eaten anything…”

Beatrice: “…”

Emilia: “Please…Staying motionless in your room will never make it any better…”

Beatrice: “…”

Emilia: “Say something…Please...”

Beatrice: “…”

Emilia grimaced. She knew how much love Beatrice held for Subaru. She knew that a spirit’s love for her contractor is unlike any love experienced by humans. Subaru was the sun that lightened Beatrice’s dark world. Emilia feared that Beatrice would return to her recluse life like how she was prior to contracting Subaru. She knew that this was the last thing that Subaru would have wanted. Subaru wanted Beatrice to live her life filled with happiness and laughter, and Emilia was unable to fulfil his desire on her own. Emilia didn’t want to disclose her plan to revive him to anyone, but she felt like this was the only thing that might help her in this situation. She remembered that the witch of envy mentioned that Beatrice and Rem were very close to Subaru’s heart, and that made it so that she can call them into that dream world. If she did that, then there would be no reason for her to hide it from them anyways. They might even help her in her mission if she opened up to them, so she made her decision.

Emilia: “Beatrice…I understand how you are feeling…I don’t want to accept that he is really gone either…”

Beatrice: “…”

Emilia: “So I will not accept it…I will bring Subaru back to life!”

Beatrice widened her eyes. She lifted her head up and looked at Emilia.

Emilia: “I will speak with Roswaal. I know that his deepest desire was to revive the witch of greed. He must have had a way to achieve that desire. I will seek help from him.”

Beatrice tried to speak, but the words died in her mouth. Her lower lip just kept quivering.

Emilia: “I need your help. I know that you had ties with Roswaal and the witch of greed. Please Beatrice…Help me bring Subaru back.”

Beatrice spoke with a shaky voice. “He…can come back?”

Emilia stepped closer to her. “I can only bring him back if you help me.”

Beatrice’s tears continued to fall. “Betty… can have her Subaru back?”

Emilia took another step towards her, and was now within an arms reach: “Yes! We can bring him back. Me and you Beatrice, we can see him live, breath and smile again.”

Beatrice broke into loud sobs. Emilia reached to her and hugged her tightly.

Beatrice: “Subaru…Subaru…Subaru…Subaru…”

Emilia rubbed her back to sooth her. Beatrice kept crying like a child, but she was not crying out of despair anymore. She felt hope. Her contractor can be brought back to life. She didn’t care about the morality of it. She didn’t care if it was guaranteed or not. She latched onto the fleeting hope that she can be reunited with the one her heart longed for the most.

Emilia kept hugging Beatrice until she stopped crying. She pulled back and looked at her. Her face was still drenched in tears, but there was a newfound look of hope on it.

Beatrice: “Is it true? Is it true that you will try to bring him back, I wonder?”

Emilia looked at her with a serious expression. “Yes. I will try my hardest to bring my knight back.”

Beatrice glanced at Subaru’s corpse. Her heart hurt. “If you wish to do that, then there is much to do.”

Emilia: “I am prepared to do anything to bring him back.”

Beatrice stared sadly at her. “He might not be the same if he comes back.”

Emilia: “Even still. I wish for nothing more than to see him breathing again.”

Beatrice: “Then we should leave for Roswaal’s mansion soon, I suppose. We need to find a way to contact mother.”

Emilia: “I have already prepared for a trip this night. I will be leaving soon, and I would like you to come join me.”

Beatrice grimaced. “Do you understand that we can’t just leave him like this, I wonder?”

Emilia was taken a back. She did not think it through. She could never explain it if someone entered her room and saw the corpse of her late knight just laying in her bed. She also needed to do something about it before he started to decompose.

Emilia: “I-I can freeze him and hide him somewhere safe…”

Beatrice had a sad look on her face. “That would be unnecessary I suppose.”

Emilia: “W-what?”

Beatrice: “If we manage to bring him back…He would not return to his original body, in fact.”

Emilia was shocked. “W-what? Why?”

Beatrice: “Mother’s method of revival was unable to revive her in her original body. She required a body made especially to host her soul. Furthermore, Subaru’s body might appear to be fine, but it can never host a living soul ever again, I suppose.”

Emilia was staring at her in absolute shock.

Beatrice: “The life sword severs the very od from the body. Subaru’s body was forcibly separated from his soul, and once that happened, his body lost the ability to host him in fact.”

Emilia: “W-what do we do then?”

Beatrice stared at Subaru’s body in silence for a moment. “We have to bury him I suppose.”

Emilia felt something die inside her. “N-no…Even after everything…I still have to bury my knight with my own hands?…No…I can’t…It’s unfair…”

She started crying and fell to her knees next to the bed.

Beatrice: “Betty doesn’t want to do it either, but there is no other way I suppose. That or cremating him, but Betty doesn’t even want to entertain that Idea in fact.”

Emilia cried harder into her hands. She was being told that she had to part ways with him here. She thought that if she brought him back, he would be the same as if nothing happened, but she was naïve. She can never see his sharp eyes look at her again. She can never see them soften as he thought of her. She can never see his sweet smile again. She can never caress his dark hair again. It was killing her on the inside, but she had to endure it. She remembered what her priority was. Subaru’s soul was what made her love him, all of his physical features were only extra. She had to let it go.

Emilia spoke in between her sobs. “If it is the only way…Then I will do it…I will bury Subaru with my own hands…”

She got up and looked at him sadly. She then swooped in and carried him in a bridal carry. She silently left the room, followed by a melancholic looking Beatrice.

They made their way to the royal graveyard. It was filled with the graves of previous members of the royal family. It was a sacred burial site for Lugunica, and it was the only place that was worthy of being Subaru’s final resting place. Emilia kept walking between countless grave stones. She was struggling to accept the fact that her knight was now nothing more than a body that needed to be buried. She made her way to a nearby hill. She climbed to the top of it, followed by Beatrice. When they reached the top, She laid him down next to Beatrice, who immediately held his hand for one final time. She conjured up an ice shovel and began digging his grave.

She dug and dug.

“Emilia-tan is looking extra cute today, isn’t she?”

She continued to dig.

“E. M. T. Emilia-tan is truly an angel!”

She disregarded the tears on her face and continued to dig.

“I am you knight Emilia, yours and yours alone.”

Her sobs forced her to pause, but she continued digging regardless.

“I love you Emilia.”

She finished digging the grave.

She turned to look at him.

Her tears blurred her sight.

She reached to him.

Beatrice was hugging him tightly.

She didn’t want to let him go, but she relented in the end.

She lifted him up and approached the grave that she dug for him with her own hands.

She took one final look at his face.

She gave him a kiss on his cheek and placed him in his final resting place.

She took her shovel and started to cover his body with dirt.

The image of his face getting progressively covered by dirt before her eyes and by her own hands was etched into her memory.

It would be a memory that would haunt her in her dreams forever.

She finished burying him and looked at his grave site.

A nameless grave on a hill.

She couldn’t stomach that this would be the only proof that he once lived.

She created an icy tombstone.

It was made of an ice that would never thaw.

Beatrice stepped forward and used her magic to etch some words on it.

They were words written in his original language.

She stared at it with a heavy heart. She saw that Beatrice was writing these foreign words through her tears. She stepped closer to her and lifted her up in a hug once she was done.

She then turned around and left it there behind.

ナツキ・スバルの愛しい思い出に。 夏木健一と夏木直子の息子。

Chapter Text

Rem was having a normal day. She was busy with her chores as usual, so she opted to do her favourite pass time: Thinking about Subaru.

Rem: ‘I wonder how Subaru-kun is doing…I haven’t seen him in a while, and I am starting to miss him greatly. It is unfortunate that he started living in the capital alongside Emilia-sama, but it was inevitable. Emilia-sama became the queen! It still feels surreal when I put into words. I am very happy for her! I hope that she is taking good care of Subaru-kun.’

Rem was dusting one of the vases when she noticed something. ‘Is that?…’

She looked out of the window. She saw the royal dragon carriage.

She immediately yelped in excitement. “That is Emilia-sama’s dragon carriage! That means that Subaru-kun is here! I am so happy…I finally get to see him again…”

She ran down the mansion. She stopped at the kitchen.

Inside it, Ram and Frederica were chatting.

Rem: “Frederica-san, nee-sama…Emilia-sama is here!”

Ram raised an eyebrow. “Emilia-sama? She didn’t notify us that she was coming to visit…”

Frederica shared an intrigued expression. “Perhaps something important happened that made it so that she had to come here as fast as she could.”

Ram huffed. “I just know that Barusu somehow has something to do with it.”

Rem: “Nee-sama…Please give him some benefit of the doubt”

Ram huffed. “Ram still does not understand your infatuation with Barusu…You can do so much better…”

Rem frowned at her. “There is no better than Subaru-kun.”

Frederica chimed in. “I find it difficult to argue with Rem to be honest. Subaru-sama is highly regarded now, even higher than the sword saint.”

Ram: “That is only because they don’t know him.”

Rem interjected with a hint of edge in her voice. “And if they knew him, they would love him even more.”

Ram sighed. “It seems Barusu will find a way to waste my time even when he is not present. We need to prepare to receive Emilia-sama properly.”

Rem and Frederica nodded in agreement and went to finish their preparations as fast as possible.

Emilia and Beatrice made their way through the mansion gates. They were accompanied by Reinhard for protection. Emilia tried to dissuade him, but he insisted that her safety was now his responsibility. He wanted to ensure her safety personally as a tribute to his late friend.

They entered the mansion and were welcomed by the maid trio.

Rem: “Welcome back, Emilia-sama. We are surprised by your sudden visit, but we are happy that you decided to visit us once more.”

Emilia gave her a tired smile.

Rem: ‘Emilia-sama looks very tired…Her eyes look slightly red. Same goes for Beatrice-sama…But where is Subaru-kun? Is he not with them? That is strange…Subaru-kun used to make up any excuse to come and see me…Perhaps he is away on an important mission…Maybe Emilia-sama came here because she felt lonely with him being away…’

Emilia: “I know that my visit was unannounced, and I apologise for that…But something has happened…We need to speak somewhere appropriate…”

Rem started to feel a little uneasy. ‘Emilia-sama’s voice is lacking her usual energy…Did something bad happen?’

Ram: “If that is the case, then follow us to the tea room. Unfortunately, Roswaal-sama is away on a business trip, so you will not be able to see him if that was what you came here for.”

Emilia looked disappointed. “I did come here seeking him…Do you have any idea of when he will be back?”

Ram shook her head and led them to the tea room silently.

Reinhard spoke with no energy. “Thank you so much.”

Frederica flashed him a smile after she handed him his cup of tea. Everyone in the mansion was there now. Unfortunately, Petra and Meili were not around. Petra was visiting her family in Arlam, and Meili decided to tag along with her.

Beatrice has been silent this whole time. She refused to utter a single word.

Rem’s feeling of unease was increasing by the minute. ‘Why do they all look like that?…That is not comforting at all…’

Frederica: finally voiced her thoughts. “Is Subaru-sama not with you? Why didn’t he tag along with you?”

Emilia winced…She winced hard.

Reinhard averted his eyes.

Beatrice let out a few silent tears.

Rem was starting to get really worried.

Emilia: “A few days ago...There was an assassination attempt on my life…”

Frederica was shocked. “What? That is awful…I am so glad that you are unhurt, Emilia-sama…”

Emilia winced again. “Thank you, but that is not why I came here…”

Rem’s heartbeat was quickening. ‘What about Subaru-kun?…What happened to him?…Where is he?…He wouldn’t leave Emilia-sama alone…Especially after an attack like that…’

Emilia: “The attack was aimed at me…I wasn’t able to dodge it in time…And Subaru stepped in between it and me…”

The room was overtaken by an overwhelming sense of dread. None of the maids let out any breath.

They all silently prayed…They prayed that the worst had not happened.

Emilia closed her eyes as she lowered her gaze. “And as a result of the attack…Subaru lost his life…”

…

…

…

Silence.

No one uttered a word.

Everyone in the room was shocked speechless.

Frederica was slack jawed. She didn’t know how to process these horrible news. ’What? Is Emilia-sama saying that Subaru-sama has died?…No…Please no…How is that possible?…That is way too tragic…Subaru-sama is still so young…He is too young to die like this…Please say that this isn’t real…‘

Ram maintained a stoic expression, or rather she was trying to, and she was failing miserably. She was shocked to her core. ‘Barusu?… Dead?…That can’t be…It is not possible…I refuse to believe it…There is no way that Barusu is really dead…Ram doesn’t want to believe it…I am sure that he will pop up from the corner any moment now…And when he does, I will chastise him for this tasteless joke...And hug him tightly…Any moment now…’

But there was nothing but silence and the sound of Beatrice’s sobs.

Ram: “E-Emilia-sama…If this is supposed to be a joke…Kindly stop it…”

Emilia only looked down and shook her head.

Ram finally understood. No, she understood from the beginning. When they entered the mansion, they had the air of someone that was grieving. She just refused to put the pieces of the puzzle together. If she did, then she would have reached the conclusion that Subaru was dead earlier, but that conclusion in and off itself was ludicrous.

Tears fell down her face.

Ram: ‘Barusu?…He is really dead?…No…How could that happen?...My little brother is gone?…’

She broke into loud sobs. She tried to keep it in, but she was unsuccessful. Despite her hash treatment of him, Subaru was someone that held a dear place in her heart. She desperately wanted to believe this all to be fake, but the melancholic expression on Emilia’s face did not reassure her, Reinhard’s sad expression only filled her with worry, and Beatrice’s weeps only served to put the final nail in the coffin.

Ram: ‘Barusu…Ram is sorry…She will stop teasing you so harshly…So please…Come back…’

But there was no answer to her prayers.

Rem was frozen. Her brain struggled to put the words together. It did not make sense to her. It made no sense at all. ‘Subaru-kun…Lost his life?…What does that mean?…Subaru-kun…Lost his life…Is there a secret meaning to these words that I am missing?…Because it can’t mean what it means…That would just be crazy…Subaru-kun can’t be dead…There is just no way…’

Rem spoke with an unsettling calmness to her voice. “Emilia-sama…Could you please elaborate?…What do you mean ’He lost his life’? ”

Emilia winced. “I am so sorry Rem. Subaru is dead.”

Rem’s eyebrow twitched. “No he is not. Where is he? You just sent him on a mission far way…Right?”

Reinhard tried to interject. “My apologies, Rem-san. I understand how unbelievable it sounds, but Subaru has indeed passed away.”

Rem looked at him in anger. “I understand that you are the sword saint, Reinhard-sama, but that does not give you a free pass to lie about something of this magnitude.”

She turned her blazing gaze to Beatrice. “Beatrice-sama…You are his contracted spirit…You should know where he is…Why aren’t you with him?”

Beatrice winced. “Betty is sorry…Betty is sorry…Betty’s Subaru is indeed gone.”

Rem‘s jaw slackened. She stood up from her chair and slowly started walking away.

Ram looked at her through her tears. “Rem? Where are you going?”

Rem turned around with a glazed look in her eyes. She was looking at nothing in particular. “They keep saying that my hero is dead…I don’t understand why they keep doing that…So I will go look for him on my own…”

Ram slowly extended her hand to her and wrapped her in a hug from behind.

Ram: “Sissy…Please…I understand…So please don-”

Rem yelled at her. “No you don’t! You don’t understand at all…You don’t love Subaru-kun like I do…Am I supposed to just sit down and accept that Subaru-kun is gone forever? Just like that?”

Tears started streaming down her face.

Rem: “We were meant to be together…He was meant to have a long and happy life…He was meant to see his children and grand children…He did not even make it past twenty years old…Are you telling me to accept that this was just wishful thinking?… Am I supposed to accept that Subaru-kun having a fulfilling and happy life is too much to ask for?…”

Her tears were blurring her vision.

Rem: “There is no way I could do that…Even if it is real…Even if there is no hope…I will still believe…I can’t accept that we will never meet again…”

She let out a sob. “I didn’t even get to say goodbye…”

She fell to her knees. She started sobbing loudly while her sister hugged her from behind.

Emilia had started crying alongside her as she was airing out her grief.

Emilia: “Rem…I am so sorry…I am so, so sorry…”

Rem sharpened her eyes as she stared at her. “And where were you? You are telling me that an attack that you couldn’t react to, was stopped by Subaru-kun? Rem knows exactly how amazing her hero is, but physical prowess is not one of his strong suits…Do you seriously want me to believe in that story?”

Emilia looked to the ground. “I am sorry…But it is the truth…”

Rem screamed at her. “Don’t give me that…There is no way that happened…You must have let your guard down, and Subaru-kun paid the ultimate price for your complacency...Don’t act as if you didn’t have a hand in his death…”

Ram chastised her sister. “Rem! That was too much…Emilia-sama is grieving too…”

Rem spoke with ire in her voice. “I don’t care…She should be held accountable for his death…Where were your guards? Where was the security? How could you allow an assassination attempt to get so close? Did you forget that you are a silver haired half elf? I understand that you are starting to be more accepted thanks to Subaru-kun’s efforts, but you forgot that no matter what, some will always hate you for who you are…If you had kept that fact in mind…If you were more aware…If you were more competent…Subaru would have been here today…I would have thrown my arms around him, and whispered how much I loved him to his ears...But I can never do that any more…”

Rem took a deep breath. “At least let me say my final goodbyes to him.”

Beatrice winced. “Betty’s Subaru is buried in the royal cemetery in the capital in fact.”

Rem stared at her in shock, then turned to look at Emilia.

She was crying her heart out on the floor. “Please…I am sorry…I understand…It was my fault…I am sorry…Please…”

Rem spoke coldly in between her tears. “You couldn’t even let me say my final goodbyes to him…I can’t see him ever again…All I have of him is my memories of him because of you…Emilia-sama…I have no words left for you…”

Rem turned around. She freed herself from her sister’s arms.

She left the room in silence, and headed to her room.

As soon as she entered her room, she broke down in tears.

A small figure in her room noticed her.

It was Spica. She approached her hesitantly.

Spica: “Uoo.”

Rem sobbed in response. “I am sorry Spica…You can never see Subaru-kun again…”

Spica extended a worried hand and tried to wipe her tears. “Uau?”

Rem: “I am sorry, Spica…Subaru-kun is dead.”

Spica froze for a moment. Her eyes began to water. “Uau…Uau…”

She started crying and threw herself into Rem’s arms. Rem hugged her close. It was the only thing that could bring her any sense of relief in this nightmarish scenario.

Rem: “Subaru-kun…Subaru-kun…Why did you leave me?…Please come back…I will do anything…Please…Just let me see your smile one more time…”

Her mind kept flashing the memories they shared together.

Rem: “Subaru-kun…Please…I wasn’t done loving you…”

She remembered his heroic moments.

Rem: “Please…I will do anything to have you back…I will never let go of you…so please…”

She remembered his smile on the day he thawed her icy heart.

Rem: “We were supposed to laugh loudly as we spoke about the future…but I can never do that without you…”

Rem couldn’t keep it together anymore and fainted on her bedroom floor.

She was too overcome by her grief.

She was supposed to grief the one she lived for.

Her eyes were closed, but they were still drenched.

Her heart was still beating, but she had lost the one it was beating for way before. She just didn’t know it yet.

Her body had shut down in order to protect her fragile mind, so she lay there…on the floor of her bedroom…Her arms intertwined with a crying child… Both were grieving the one they cared for the most.

Chapter Text

Rem saw herself in a place she couldn’t recognise. She was on top of a building, facing the sunset. The sunset was in it’s final moments, moments before the darkness of the night overtook this scenic view. She looked around, and found that she was alone.

Her first instinct was to watch the sunset as it was fading. It looked beautiful.

But something inside her told her to leave, that if she remained where she was, she would miss something very important.

She hesitantly moved from her spot, not knowing where to go. She spotted some stairs leading her down the building.

She approached them and was about to leave, but suddenly a strong gust of wind blew by her. It felt unnatural. It was powerful enough to take out her hair accessory. She scrambled to catch it mid air, but she was unsuccessful.

It dropped on the floor behind her. She leaned down and grabbed it.

She straightened herself and was about to leave but she noticed something. Something that wasn’t there before.

There was someone standing in the same place that she was standing at just a few moments ago.

She couldn’t recognise the person standing there. They were watching the sunset intently, while giving their back to her.

She tried to call out for that person, but she got no answer. They didn’t even turn and acknowledge her presence.

She was tempted to leave them there, but her curiosity got the best of her.

She approached that person.

She started recognising them with every step she took.

They were a boy.

He had dark hair.

He was taller than her.

Rem’s steps were getting slower the more she started to figure out who this person was.

She started shaking.

She took in his scent.

The scent that would normally drive her mad, but this specific signature made her heart beat faster.

There was no mistaking it. The person standing there was Natsuki Subaru.

Rem found herself hesitating. She didn’t know why.

She didn’t understand why she was reluctant to approach him.

She didn’t remember how she got there, or what happened.

She only knew that meeting him here filled her with an indescribable feeling of anguish.

She was now standing only a few feet behind him.

The sunset was in its dying moments.

Just a few moments and the sun would be gone.

Rem felt tears come out of her eyes.

She didn’t understand why she felt like crying.

She tried to wipe them away, but they just kept falling endlessly.

She decided to ignore them and focus on Subaru.

Something told her that this moment was very important.

She took her last few steps hesitantly, and she ended up standing right next to him.

He glanced at her.

Their eyes locked at each other.

His sharp brown eyes looking deeply into her light blue eyes.

But suddenly…his eyes lost their sharpness. They softened as he looked at her.

A weak smile was drawn on his face.

His expression made Rem feel like something in her was breaking.

He raised a hand, and tried to pat her in the head.

But when his hand reached her head…

Nothing happened.

She couldn’t feel his hand on her head.

It phased right through her.

It was too late.

The sunset was over.

The sun was gone.

His body suddenly began to fade.

She was startled and tried to grab him and pull him into her arms.

But it was too late.

She couldn’t touch him.

Her tears fell down even harder.

She sobbed loudly as she begged him not to go.

But it was for nothing.

Subaru faded away as the darkness of the night overtook the place.

Rem woke up, breathing heavily. She looked around her. She saw that she was still in her room, but she was now on her bed.

She looked to her side. She saw Spica sleeping next to her, but she had visible trails of tears on her face.

She noticed something that she missed when she woke up, or rather someone.

It was her sister, Ram.

She was sitting on a chair next to her bed.

She was awake, but she looked terrible.

Her eyes were bloodshot, and her maid uniform was dishevelled.

She looked exhausted.

Rem: “Nee-sama…”

Ram spoke with no energy. “Rem…I…”

Rem: “Nee-sama…please tell me that what happened was just a nightmare…Please…Tell me that it wasn’t real.”

Ram refused to answer her and only looked to the floor.

Rem stared at her for a few seconds before turning to face the wall with a blank look on her face.

Rem: ‘Ah…The man I loved is gone…’

Garfiel was barely able to contain his emotions. He was still very shaken by his last encounter with Emilia. ‘What are you doing? I know that I am dumb, but this is way too dumb even for me…How can I doubt if the princess cared for the captain?…She was just busy that day…Yeah, that was it…She was just in shock…She might just have a different reaction…Not everyone reacts the same way to devastating news…Right?…Yes…That has to be it…When I thought that my mother died, I banged my head until I gave myself a scar on my forehead...I have no ground to stand on and judge her for her reaction…Right?…Remember who the princess is…Remember how kind she is…How companionate she is…She cared so much about every one…There is no way that she didn’t care about the captain…Right?…My captain wasn’t the exception…Right?’

He kept moving aimlessly as he was tormented by his thoughts and found himself in front of Al’s cell.

Julius was sitting inside it on a chair facing the man who killed his captain.

Garfiel growled as soon as he saw him, and that alerted Julius to his presence.

Julius: “Garfiel? You are back? Did you rest properly?”

Garfiel: “I took my rest. I want to be back to watching this bastard’s every move.”

Julius looked at him with a pained expression. He understood why he wanted to be the one to keep watch over Al, but he didn’t like it.

Garfiel idolised Subaru. Julius knew that very well. He got to spend some time with him after he and Mimi started going out together. He liked Garfiel, even if he thought that he was a little rash sometimes. He knew just how badly he wanted to kill Al. He found it to be very impressive that he was able to keep his cool while staring at the eyes of the man who killed his older brother.

He sighed and got up from the chair.

He tapped Garfiel on the shoulder as he exited the cell.

Garfiel sat down on the floor, with his eyes fixed on the sleeping Al.

Hours passed after Garfiel returned to his post, and Al was starting to open his eyes. He was confused when he saw Garfiel watching him again.

Al: “What is this?…Did I use it in my sleep?”

Garfiel remained silent.

Al spoke in a whisper. “No…That seems unlikely…This guy has been keeping his cool despite my provocations…It wouldn’t make sense if he did anything in my sleep…I don’t think that someone like Julius would do something either…”

He turned towards Garfiel. “Hey there tiger boy, you are back? I thought you would bring your princess with you…”

Garfiel remained silent.

Al: “What?…You look like shit…I mean you always do, but you look like extra shit today…”

Garfiel: “…”

Al: “Come on man…You can talk to me…It is the only thing we can do here…”

Garfiel: “…”

Al: “Alright then…have it your way.”

He turned his face to the side as if he was pouting.

Garfiel: “…”

Al: “…”

Garfiel: “…She was busy…”

Al: “Huh?”

Garfiel spoke as if he was in pain. “She said she was busy…The princess said that she couldn’t come and make you face justice because she was busy.”

Al: “…Are you shitting me?”

Garfiel: “…”

Al: “Oh my god you are telling the truth.”

He looked very shocked.

Al: “She was busy?…I get that she is the queen and everything…but she didn’t even come to see me here once…She couldn’t make time to deal with the one that killed her knight?…Did she forgive me or something?”

Garfiel grit his teeth.

Al: “I thought that she would come and kill me like…straight away…It has been like four days here…Does she not desire vengeance?”

Garfiel clenched his fist until his knuckles whitened.

Al: “I didn’t see that coming at all…Could it be?…No there is no way…Right?”

Garfiel dug his fingers into his palm.

Al: “There is no way that she doesn’t feel angry at me…Right?…I did kill her knight…Did that not rile her up at the very least?…”

Garfiel’s palms were now leaking blood.

Al: “Unless?…Nah…There is absolutely no way…I am pretty sure that she cared about him…Right?…If that wasn't the case…Oh boy…”

Garfiel bit the inside of his cheeks.

Al: “Oh my god…Did she actually not care?…I killed her knight and she didn’t care?…I actually feel horrible for him now…He threw his body in the way of my attack, and she didn’t even bother to come and kill the one that ended his life?…That is actually so sad…I kind of regret killing him now…I don’t wish a death like that even on my worst enemies.”

Garfiel finally lost his cool. “Shut up! The princess cared for the captain…”

Al: “I am sorry to break it to you, but that is not the behaviour of someone that cares.”

Garifel: “What do you know? huh? You don’t know anything.”

Al: “Maybe…But I know one thing…I know one person that cared enough to stay in this cell and do nothing but watch me for hours on end…And I also know someone that did not even bother to take out the man that killed the one that she supposedly cared the most about.”

Garfiel grit his teeth.

Al: “I understand why you would want to deny it. I am still very shocked by it myself. I knew that he loved her. He did say it over and over. It was actually more surprising to meet someone that didn't know that Subaru loved his princess. But I thought that she loved him back…Even if she didn’t…She at least should have cared about him a lot…For her to not care about him dying…I actually feel very bad for him now…The guy died with a smile on his face thinking that he saved the love of his life…and she forgot all about him after two days…”

Garfiel didn’t know what to do. He was being tormented by these thoughts from the inside of his mind, and now the bastard that killed his captain was even sharing the same sentiment.

He felt like crying. “N-no…I am sure that there is a reason for it…I am sure…That there is a good explanation…I am sure…”

Al: “Really? What did she say to you?”

Garfiel hesitated. “S-she said that she had more important things to do…She didn’t say what they were…but…”

Al: “Was that what she said?…Damn…”

Garfiel’s breath hitched.

Al: “Look…Think of it this way…What do you think would happen if it was the other way around?…What If my attack ended up killing the queen…What do think he would have done?…Would he have killed me as soon as possible?…Maybe yes…Maybe no…but I am sure of one thing...He would never prioritise anything over making me pay for what I did.”

Garfiel felt tears accumulate at the corners of his eyes.

Al: “You have to face it kid…You captain died for someone that couldn’t care less whether he lived or not.”

Garfiel felt his tears fall. “No…I don’t want to believe it…My captain…He wouldn’t end up being used like that…There has to be an explanation…There has to be a reason…I don’t want to accept that the princess didn’t give a damn about him…”

Al: “I hope you are right kid…I sincerely hope you are right…”

Emilia was sitting on the couch. Her eyes were glazed. She seemed to be looking at nothing in particular.

The words that Rem directed towards her cut deep. They were things that she felt deep inside, but it was different when someone said them out loud.

Subaru’s death was completely avoidable.

He died because she was careless. He died because she got complacent. He died because of her.

And just how badly can one mess up. Her thoughtless mistakes led to the love of her life bleeding out in her arms.

She felt like crying over him all over again. She glanced over to Beatrice.

She was in a catatonic state. They both accepted that they were bringing him back too easily, and ignored that he was killed just a few days ago.

Even if she brought him back, it wouldn’t change the fact that she allowed him to die in the first place.

The worst part was that he didn’t even blame her for anything.

When she saw him in that dream like place, he didn’t look sad or angry about his own death.

He even apologised to her. He apologised because his death was something that brought her sadness.

She truly did not deserve him. It was what she thought deep inside, and it broke her heart.

Frederica was silently weeping in the corner. She deeply cared for Subaru like everyone else. She was very grateful to him for taking care of her little brother, and taking him under his wing. She thought that Subaru was a wonderful role model for her little brother. She knew that Subaru was the embodiment of kindness. I didn’t matter if he was sad or in pain, if it made the people around him feel better, he would give them his widest smile. He was selfless.

In short, he did not deserve to die.

Frederica was a compassionate person. It broke her heart that someone as wonderful as Subaru, met his end so abruptly and in such a cruel fashion.

And Petra.

Poor Petra.

Frederica knew how much the little maid cared for Subaru. She always worked very hard in hopes of catching his eyes. In reality, she never needed to go the extra mile. Subaru would always shower her with praise and affection whenever he saw her. He always patted her head lovingly as he thanked her for her hard work. The poor girl will be devastated.

Frederica feared what she would do to the one that ended the life of the man she admired so much. Petra was sweet little girl, but she would never forgive anyone that hurt the people that she loved. Frederica would have to pay more attention to her and give her the warmth that she might need once they break the horrible news to her.

And Meili…She would act as if she was unfazed…but Frederica knew just how much she cared about Subaru.

She came to care for him just as much as she did for her sister. Subaru forgave her and gave her a place to belong. He made her many toys and kept her company when she was locked up in the basement. Subaru taught her how to be a better person. She would not take these news well.

These were all things that were running through her mind. She understood that things will never be the same. Subaru was way more than just the greatest man in Lugunican history.

He was the knight that protected.

He was the brother that cared.

He was the friend that helped out.

He was the leader that led them to victory.

He was many things to many people.

It was the type of loss that one can’t recover from, but Frederica still steeled her self.

She knew that Subaru wouldn’t want them to lay down and keep crying over him. He would have wanted them to stand back up and face the future again, whether he was there or not.

Frederica swore to herself and to him that she would be the backbone of the group. She would help them all stand back up on their feet. For Subaru’s sake.

Chapter Text

Subaru: “Alright then, nee-sama. I will be on my way to the capital.”

Ram: “Hah. Ram can finally remember what peace of mind felt like.”

Subaru smiled confidently: “Come on, nee-sama. I know you will miss me.”

Ram: “Not in your wildest dreams. A Barusu-less life sounds like a dream.”

Subaru smiled. “You say that, but I can tell that you are feeling a little sad. Don’t worry, nee-sama. I will miss you greatly.”

Ram remained silent.

Subaru smiled and put his foot in the dragon carriage. “See you later, Ram. I am going.”

Ram: ‘Take care, Barusu.’

He disappeared into the dragon carriage. The driver soon motioned for the ground dragons and they started moving.

Ram remained standing there, watching the dragon carriage until it disappeared into the forest.

She wiped a tear from her eye, and returned to the mansion.

Ram was motionless. She was sitting in a chair in Rem’s room. She found her sprawled on the floor and her eyes were damp. She clearly cried to the point of fainting. She carried her to her bed and sat next to her.

It was her only way of feeling any sense of comfort. Being next to her beloved little sister.

Since she can’t be next to her beloved little brother. Not any more.

Ram felt her tears running down her face.

Ram: ‘Why… Why was that our last ever conversation?…’

She stifled a sob. 'Barusu… How could this happen?’

It made no sense to her. Subaru was the one she believed in the most after Roswaal. She thought he was invincible. She thought him dying would be a laughable thing to think about. She can’t laugh about it now. Even if she tried to force it

Ram: ’… I am sorry… I am sorry I wasn’t nicer to you… I am sorry if my words hurt you… I am sorry I didn’t say it out loud… Take care… it wouldn’t have taken much from me… It would have been just two words… But I know… I know how happy they would have made you… But I never said them… What if I did?… Would you still be here if I told you to take care?… Answer me… Please…”

She placed her shivering hands on her mouth. She was sobbing loudly. She didn’t want to wake Rem from her sleep. But there was little she could do.

There was very little she could do.

Her little brother died.

She wasn’t there with him.

She didn’t even get to say goodbye.

Just like that.

He became nothing more than a memory.

A memory that will haunt her for a very long time.

Emilia was feeling devastated from what happened earlier, but she couldn’t stop now. She knew that it would hurt. She knew it very well, but even if it hurt, even if it made her want to stop, even if it made her want to disappear, she can never stop.

Not now.

Not until he is back.

Not until Subaru is breathing in her arms again.

She turned to Beatrice. She was having a breakdown of her own, but Emilia couldn’t let her grief in silence. They both had a job to do.

Emilia: “Beatrice... We need to figure out how we will do this.”

Beatrice looked at her through her tears. “Yes… Betty knows… Just give Betty a second…”

Emilia complied and looked away. She knew that Beatrice didn’t like anyone seeing her cry.

Apart from Subaru.

Emilia knew it very well, so she looked the other way.

She felt Beatrice’s hand lightly tug at her sleeve.

She turned to face her. She had wiped all of her tears now, and magically restored any damaged part of her dress.

But her eyes told the truth.

Beatrice: “Very well. We need to find Roswaal first. He knows how we can reach mother best, I suppose.”

Emilia: “But Ram said that he wasn’t here… Do you have any idea where he could have gone?”

Beatrice shook her head. “I never asked him about his many journeys I suppose. He was always annoying to talk to.”

Emilia smiled sadly. “Subaru used to say the same…”

Beatrice winced. She forced herself to remain neutral. “We have to wait for him to return. The elder maid said that he shouldn’t be far away. In the mean time, there is something that we can do.”

Emilia tilted her head.

Beatrice: “We can ask the younger maid for help, I suppose.”

Emilia gasped. “Rem? Would she help us? I am pretty sure she hates me now.”

Beatrice: “She does hate you. There is no question about it. But Betty know… Betty knows that there is nothing that she loves more that Betty’s Subaru.”

Emilia’s eyes drifted downwards. ‘Yes… That is true… She loves him more than anything… She would even team up with the one that caused his death just to bring him back… She always told him how much she loved him… She always showed it to him in her smile… Her moves… Her actions and mannerisms…’

Emilia forced herself not to cry. ‘What if Subaru loved her instead of me?… Would he have been happier?… Would he have been alive now?... Even if he still dies… At least he would have heard the woman that he loves saying them… Saying the words I never said when he was with me… I love you… Three simple words... They carry all of my deepest emotions… They should be easy to say when you mean them… But I never did… I never said them to him when he was alive… Me saying them to him in that dream worlds doesn’t count… That was just added time… I don’t even know if that was the real Subaru… Or if it was an illusion made by the witch of envy… But I hope that he was my Subaru… I hope that he was the one to hear me finally say it.’

She took a deep breath to regulate her feelings. “I think it would be best if you were the one to tell her.”

Beatrice: “Me? You are the one that came up with the plan.”

Emilia: “I know… I know… But she would never listen to me now… You have to be the one to do it.”

Beatrice sighed. “Don’t get used to this. Betty will do as you say only because it might bring her Subaru back to her.”

Emilia smiled. “Thank you.”

Beatrice made her way to Rem’s room.

She knocked on the door. It was open.

She slowly pushed it and looked inside. Rem was sitting on her bed. Her eyes looked hollowed out. Ram was next to her. She wasn’t doing much better.

Beatrice: “Betty knows just how sad you feel, but Betty had something important to talk with you about.”

Rem slowly moved her eyes in Beatrice’s direction, but she remained silent.

Beatrice: “It is about Betty’s Subaru.”

Rem perked up. “What? Is he secretly alive? Please tell me that he is alive.”

Beatrice winced. “Betty wishes that it was like that.”

Rem’s renewed energy immediately died down.

Ram spoke with a tired voice. “Beatrice-sama… My sister is grieving… Kindly refrain from making her situation worse.”

Beatrice: “Betty is not trying to do that. Betty needs to speak with the younger maid in private, I suppose.”

Ram: “Are you going to say more things to make my sister feel even worse?”

Beatrice: “No. Betty wishes no such things. Betty knows how important the younger maid was to her contractor. She would never go against his wishes.”

Ram closed her eyes for a moment. She remembered how happy Rem was with him. How happy he made her.

She got up from her chair. “Ram will go take care of her appearance. Roswaal-sama might arrive here soon. I have a certain standard that I have to conform to.”

She gave Rem one last glance, and left the room.

As soon as the door closed behind her, Beatrice turned to Rem.

Beatrice: “Betty’s Subaru might not be alive anymore, but there is a way to bring him back.”

Rem’s body shook. She widened her eyes and turned to Beatrice. “Is that true?”

Beatrice: “It is what Betty believes, and it is what Betty came here to do.”

Rem felt tears run down her eyes. “He can be brought back?… I can see him again?”

Beatrice: “This is what Betty is trying to do, yes.”

Rem’s hands started shaking. “Is this really true?… Can I really touch him again?… Can I give him my love again?”

Beatrice: “You can if you lend us your help. Betty cannot do this alone. Emilia and Betty are working together to make it happen.”

Rem’s eye twitched for a moment. “Rem will do it of course. It doesn’t matter who she has to work with… If it is to bring back my hero... I am prepared to work with anyone… ”

Beatrice nodded. “Good. Now come. We need to discuss our plans with Emilia.”

Rem nodded and got up from bed. She now had a purpose. She now had real hope. She can bring her hero back to her arms. She would be stupid to say no to the opportunity out of her hatred for Emilia.

They both left her room and made their way to where Emilia was waiting.

Emilia was lost in her thoughts. Half of them was her reliving that moment, that dreadful moment. She kept thinking about what she could have done, and to her horror, she found many things that she could have done. She could have jumped out of the way. She could have ducked. She could have shot an ice crystal at him. She could have erected an ice wall between them. But she did none of that, and Subaru was now dead.

The other half was her daydreaming about his revival. How would he feel? How would he react? What would be his first words? Would they be him telling her how much he loved her? And if he did, would she be deserving of those words? Would they be able to continue their life normally? Would she finally be honest with her feelings and give him the love that he deserved? Would he want to marry her? Would he want to have babies with her?

Usually such thoughts would make her blush endlessly, and make her roll around in her bed, flipping her legs in excitement. Now it only makes her want to cry. She could have done all of that with him. She had every chance. He was practically begging for a life like that every day. But now, her only chance at achieving that life is to hope that Roswaal would help her.

She heard the door open. Beatrice entered the room with Rem following closely behind her. Beatrice made sure that the door was closed before she opened her mouth. “You need to explain what we are doing to her, I suppose.”

Emilia smiled. “Rem… You will help us?”

Rem sharpened her eyes. “Emilia-sama… With all due respect… Rem is only doing this in hopes of brining her hero back. Do not mistake this as an olive branch. Rem can never forgive you.”

Emilia’s eyes lowered to the floor. “I… I understand.”

Rem clicked her tongue. “Also, don’t think that this erases what you have done. Even if we bring him back, it would be only that. Bringing him back. My issue with you is that you let him die on your watch in the first place. Even if he forgives you… Even if he acts as if nothing happened… Even if he asks me to forgive you… It wouldn’t change the fact that he is now dead… Don’t let your hope in reviving him make you forget that.”

Emilia was holding back tears, but she nodded anyway.

She took a moment to compose herself.

Emilia: “First of all, I have to tell you that this cannot be shared with anyone other than the three of us.”

Rem nodded.

Emilia: “Subaru’s soul is being held by the witch of envy.”

Rem shot up from her chair. “W-what?… H-how?… Why?…”

Emilia: “It is necessary. Subaru’s soul cannot return to Od Lagna. If she lets go of his soul, it would shatter into nothingness.”

Rem looked utterly horrified. “N-no… This is too cruel… He is being held by that monster?… And the alternative would be even worse?”

Emilia nodded sadly. “I am afraid it is like that.”

Rem: “H-how do you know?”

Emilia: “I know… Because I saw it… I saw that place in a dream… I saw him… I talked to him… And I talked to her… She was the one that made it possible for me to see him and speak to him again.”

Rem looked sceptical. “Why would she ever do that? What does a monster like her have to do with Subaru-kun?”

Emilia: “She… said that she loves him… She said that she wanted him to be revived.”

Rem looked at her in disbelief. “And you believed her? The witch of envy? Loving Subaru-kun?”

Emilia looked uncomfortable. “I know how to tell when a woman is in love.”

Rem narrowed her eyes. “That is wonderful. We are relying on information coming from the witch of envy herself.”

Beatrice: “Betty hates it too, but it is the only lead that we have.”

Rem: “And what if she is lying? What if she is corrupting his soul as she holds it? What if the Subaru-kun that we revive is no longer him?”

Emilia: “Then we will take care of him. Even if he is not the same any more… Even if he hates me… I will never abandon him.”

Rem: “What if she is lying from the start? What if she is only saying that to get you to revive her instead?”

Beatrice: “She gave correct information that would help bringing him back, I suppose. Even if she was trying to be revived in his stead, it would not work. Mother’s techniques cannot handle someone that powerful.”

Rem seems to cool down a little.

Emilia: “I know that it sounds shady at best. I know that the information is from an unreliable source, but it is what we have. We can either try to revive him, and deal with the consequences if we fail, or we can just accept his death. I know what I am going to do. I don’t care how risky it is… I don’t care how dangerous it is… Even if the hope was barely there… Even if the chance was as fickle as the wind… I will do it…I will do anything I can to bring him back.”

Rem stayed silent for a moment. “Rem thinks the same. I can’t live in a world where he doesn’t exist. If there is a way… If there is hope… Then Rem would even sell her soul to that terrible monster just to see her hero one more time.”

Emilia smiled sadly. Rem put down her hatred for her and the witch of envy just for a possibility of it leading to his revival. Even though she was highly sceptical, she chose to believe in what little hope this plan brings.

Emilia: ‘So this is how a woman who is resolved for her love looks like… Maybe one day I can look like that too…’

Chapter Text

Garfiel’s world was upside down. He didn’t understand anything. Everything was in order just a few days ago. All the laws of the universe were in their correct state.

The captain is invincible.

The princess loves the captain.

The captain was the most important figure in everyone’s lives.

But all of it was changed so abruptly, that he still cannot rationalise what happened. The rug was pulled so violently from underneath him that he is still struggling to stand back up again.

His captain was dead. The princess seemed to get over it in no time. His death wasn’t even impactful enough to warrant it being made into an announcement.

He couldn’t fathom the fact that the man that killed his captain showed more remorse about his death than the princess. He didn’t want to believe it, so he ran.

He asked Julius to cover him in watching over Al. He left the prison tower in search of answers. His legs moved on their own, and went to the place that his heart found the most comfort in.

Otto’s house.

Otto was his other older brother, one that he admired greatly. Not to the point of his admiration to Subaru, but he admired him nonetheless.

His legs shakily approached the door. He hesitated before knocking on it. A new fear was born in his heart.

‘What if Otto didn’t care either?’

The question blocked him from opening the door. He didn’t know what he would do if it was that was the case. Would he lash out? Would he break down? Would he resent his remaining older brother?

He heard the sound of a glass breaking from inside the house. He momentarily forgot about all his fears, and rushed into the house.

Garfiel: “Otto-nii!”

He found him there, sitting on his couch. The sound was from a bottle of wine that slipped from his hand, and broke upon contacting the floor.

The place reeked of alcohol. Otto himself seemed completely oblivious to that fact.

He looked miserable. His clothes were stained with food and alcohol. His hair was dishevelled. His eyes were bloodshot.

Garfiel winced at the sight of him. He was clearly drunk.

Otto: “Oh… Is that you, Garf? Come here, have some.”

He gestured for him to drink with him. It deeply unsettled him. Otto never once invited him to share a drink before.

Garfiel: “N-no. I am fine, not thirsty at all.”

Otto let out a chuckle. “Your loss.”

He proceeded to drink some more from another bottle that was next to him.

Garfiel. “Otto-nii… I wanted to talk to you for a bit, but maybe now isn’t the best time.”

Otto shook his head lazily. “Speak your mind, Garf. I probably need your company more than you need mine.” He said the last line in a whisper, but it didn’t escape Garfiel’s ears.

Garfiel winced. “How long have you been drinking?”

Otto looked to the ceiling for a moment. “Dunno. It helps me forget.”

Garfiel: “At least someone out there is holding up just fine. The princess seemed like she was doing well.”

Otto’s face darkened. “Thanks for the reminder.”

Garfiel: “I didn’t mean it like that.”

Otto let out a laugh. “I know, I know. I am just messing with you.”

Garfiel: “Do you think she actually didn’t care?”

Otto raised an eyebrow. “You thought this too?”

Garfiel remained silent.

Otto: “It’s probably just in our heads. People process grief differently. Some brush it off and move forwards. Others become a drunken mess.”

He laughed loudly, but his laughter carried no joy at all.

Garfiel: “Really?”

Otto: “I don’t know. It is what I keep telling myself. I don’t like thinking about the alternative.”

Garfiel: “Otto-nii… What happened to you? You never spoke like this. You are an absolute mess. You need to get back up and-”

Otto: “YOU THINK I DON’T KNOW?”

The walls seemed to shake with his voice. Garfiel’s throat dried up, the words he wanted to say scattered like ash. He had never heard Otto raise his voice like than before.

Otto: “You think I like being like this? You think I am wasting away for fun? No! I hate it. I hate it more than you ever could!”

Garfiel saw tears streaming down his face.

Otto: “But I can’t. I want to forget. I drink to forget, but It is not working. Nothing is working. I can’t forget him.”

He let out a sob. Garfiel was frozen by the sight in front of him.

Otto: “He is gone. Just like that. He was just teasing me about my lack of non green clothing the other day, and now I can never hear his voice ever again. I didn’t even get to say my final goodbye.”

He threw the bottle at the wall and shattered it.

Otto: “I kept telling him to join me for drinks. Just one time. I wanted to share that experience with him. He kept telling me that he wasn’t old enough, that he would join me on his twenty first birthday, so I waited. What do I do now? Will he come back and drink with me if I continue waiting?”

Garfiel was looking at him with pity in his eyes, and Otto saw it.

Otto spoke in a resigned tone. “Go home Garf.”

Garfiel grit his teeth. “Absolutely not. I won’t leave you like this.”

Otto gave a weak chuckle. “You already lost one of your older brothers, Garf. I don’t want you to lose faith in the one that remains.”

Garfiel felt his heart shatter. Otto was spiralling, but he still wanted to protect the role he played in his life. He didn’t know how he could help him. He wanted to so as he said, but he couldn’t just leave him like this.

He wordlessly walked towards the counter and brought him a glass of water. He took one last look at him and left his house. The visit only made his heart feel heavier that before.

Otto saw him leave, and immediately regretted asking him to leave. He fell off the couch and started weeping on the floor. The glass shards were tearing at his clothes, and poking his skin, but he paid them no mind.

The physical pain was almost soothing in comparison to the pain he felt in his heart.

Garfiel ran. He ran as fast as he could, as if he could out run his thoughts. He jumped from rooftop to rooftop. He finally stopped running after realising that running never helped. His captain didn’t run. Not in life, and not in his final moments.

He stood on the rooftop of a house and walked towards its edge. He sat down and let his leg hang off the side of the building. He pulled the other one close to his chest and let his arm rest on it.

He stared at the night sky. He remembered how his captain loved stargazing. He kept giving the stars names that he couldn’t remember. He wished he paid more attention to his captain's ramblings.

He heard faint footsteps from behind him. He didn’t need to turn around to know who it was. He could tell by her scent.

It was Mimi.

She must have seen him running through the capital like a madman. His face winced. He didn’t want to worry her on top of everything that was going on in his head.

Mimi: “Garf… Mimi brought you this.”

He turned around to look. She had an orange scarf in her hands.

Mimi: “Mimi was cold, so she thought: ‘Garf might be cold too.’ Are you cold?”

Garfiel felt his chest tighten. He saw her trying to force a smile for his sake.

Garfiel: “Thank you, shrimp. I was cold.”

She smiled widely as she wrapped it around his neck. She came closer and sat next to him.

He took in the scarf’s scent. It smelled like her. It felt warm.

Mimi: “My lady said that things like this keep boys happy.”

Garfiel chuckled. “She ain’t wrong.”

She hummed happily as she swung her feet. Garfiel watched her closely. She warmed his heart, but it also gave way for a feeling of unease.

He lied down and faced the sky. He remained silent for a while.

Garfiel: “Hey Mimi, is it okay if I ask you a question?”

Mimi giggled. “You just did.”

Garfiel couldn’t share her laughter. She soon stopped once she realised that he was being serious.

Mimi: “Of course, Garf. Mimi might not be the smartest, but she will do her best.”

Garfiel paused for a moment. He closed his eyes as he spoke. “What If I died tomorrow?”

Mimi: “Huh?”

Garfiel kept his eyes closed. “Just imagine it happening. What would you do?”

Mimi remained silent.

Garfiel felt anxious about her answer, and her prolonged silence wasn’t calming him down. He kept his eyes closed, because he was scared of her looking indifferent.

He heard a faint sound. A sob.

Mimi’s voice wavered. “Does Mimi have to?”

Garfiel’s eyes shot open.

Mimi spoke in a whisper. “Mimi doesn't want to imagine Garf dying.”

Garfiel immediately wrapped his arms around her. “I-I am sorry. I didn’t mean to make you cry.”

Mimi clung to his chest. Her tears were soaking into the scarf wrapped around his neck.

Garfiel kept patting her head to soothe her. “Please forget I ever said anything.”

Mimi pushed herself off his chest. “No. You have to tell Mimi why you wanted to know.”

Garfiel hesitated. He tried to look away, but Mimi held him by his cheeks and forced him to look her in the eyes.

Garfiel winced. “I… I was just wondering… Will I be the same as my captain if I died? Will I be forgotten? Will you care? Or would you just shrug and move on? I am sorry. I made you cry because I was an idiot.”

Mimi looked at him sadly. She stayed silent for a moment.

Mimi: “If Garf died, Mimi would cry for a year. Mimi wouldn’t like sweets any more. Mimi would remember Garf forever.”

Garfiel looked at her in astonishment. “Mimi…”

Mimi: “Mimi knew that Garf was an idiot a long time ago, and Mimi chose to love Garf anyway. Mimi understands that Garf is sad and scared because the mini boss is not here anymore, so she will forgive Garf for making her cry. Just this time.”

Garfiel felt tears swell in his eyes. “Mimi… I am so sorry… I love you.”

Mimi wrapped her arms around him. “Mimi loves you too.”

Garfiel: “That damned clown Roswaal is loved. He is the worst of the worst, but he is still loved. I am loved. I failed to protect my captain, but I am still loved. Why is my captain the exception? Why isn’t he loved? My captain was the greatest man I ever knew. He loved everyone. He never put himself first. He always lifted the people around him, and helped them become the best versions of themselves. If anyone deserved love, it would be my captain. So why is he the only one to not be loved?”

Mimi kept stroking his hair through his ramblings. “Garf is wrong. The mini boss is loved.”

Garfiel felt his throat tighten.

Mimi: “Mimi is sad that the mini boss is gone. My lady is sad. Julius is sad. The cat boy is sad. The Sword Saint is sad. Garf is sad. Everyone loved the mini boss.”

Garfiel closed his eyes and took in her words.

Mimi: “The sword saint was sad, but he didn’t cry. Not all people that cry are sad, and not all sad people cry. Just because your lady didn’t cry, doesn’t mean that she wasn’t sad.”

Garfiel: “B-but…”

Mimi: “Mimi saw it before… lots of times. Mercenary life is like that… comrades don’t always come back. Sometimes Mimi had to tell their families herself. Some of them screamed. Some of them cried. Some of them just froze. Mimi learned that crying or not crying doesn’t change how much they loved.”

Garfiel hesitated. She could see the conflicted expression on his face.

Mimi: “Mimi is smarter than Garf, so Garf should just listen to her.”

Garfiel paused. He weakly nodded. Mimi smiled a proud smile.

Garfiel: “Thanks shrimp. I really needed this.”

Mimi: “Mimi will accept Sowarie as payment.”

Garfiel let out a chuckle. “I was trying to have a moment like the captain. Was that part really necessary?”

Mimi frowned. “Of course it was. My lady taught me to always demand payment for my services.”

Garfiel let out a sigh. He felt lighter. The pain from losing his captain was still there, but he now remembered what his real priority should be.

Garfiel: “Fine then, shrimp. You will get your Sowarie.”

Mimi shot her arms in the air. “Yay!”

Garfiel immediately grabbed onto her to prevent her from falling off the building. He wasn’t surprised that it was about to happen. He wasn’t even disappointed at her lacklustre survival skills. He simply smiled and made sure she stayed safe. His captain would never forgive him if he let any harm get to her.

Garfiel made his way back to the prison tower. He made his way down the humid hallway, past all the rusty cells. None of the prisoners dared look him in the eyes. He was a man of reignited resolve. His belief reassured.

He made his way to the deepest cell. The one that housed the man that killed his captain. He saw Julius standing guard by it.

Julius was surprised to see Garfiel again so soon.

Garfiel flashed him a grin. “Thanks for coverin’ me. I am back and ready to resume my duties.”

Julius raised an eyebrow. “You seem… different. Did something happen?”

Garfiel maintained his grin. “Go ask the shrimp.”

Julius paused for a moment, then a smile made its way to his face. “I see. I shall ask her for the details then.”

He stepped aside and let Garfiel enter the cell. He walked to the middle and sat down in his usual spot.

Al noticed the shift in his attitude. “What? Did your guy come back to life or something?”

Garfiel: “Nah. My captain is gone, but that doesn’t mean that he is dead. My captain lives in my heart and in my memories. You may have taken his life, but you can never erase his legacy, ya bastard.”

Al chuckled. “That sounds like some sappy cliché.”

Garfiel smiled. “Say whatever you want. My captain was loved. My captain is loved, and he will continue to be loved forever. I will not be shaken by your words again.”

Al maintained a neutral expression, but his one fist was clenched hard.

Garfiel: “I choose to believe in the princess. I know the princess. She has a kind heart. She would cry over a dead bird. You can’t fool me into believing that she didn’t care about my captain. She must have had something that was really important, so sit tight. She will come for you in due time.”

Al: “Yeah, whatever.”

Garfiel felt triumphant over him for the first time. His captain would have been proud.

Chapter Text

Roswaal drifted through the air on his way to his mansion. Another noble banquet that he had to attend as the queen’s main backer. In all honesty, he would have preferred to spend that time with his beloved teacher, but he was also grateful to Emilia and Subaru for giving the chance to see her in person again, so he stuck to his obligations as a Lugunican noble.

He did hear some rumours of an attack on the royal palace, and he was tempted to go check what happened out of curiosity, but he deemed it needless once the official announcement of the attack was released. The attack was unsuccessful at harming the queen, and the attacker was swiftly apprehended and is being detained in the highest security cell in the capital.

The gentle breeze of the night air brushed against his hair as he got closer to his mansion. A smile was drawn on his face. He couldn’t wait to speak with his teacher again. She didn’t share in his enthusiasm about their nightly talks, but that mattered little to him. He could see his teacher again, and that was all that mattered.

He spotted something that he didn’t expect as he flew over the mansion’s courtyard. A parked dragon carriage that has the symbol of the Lugunican royal family. Emilia had made a visit to his mansion while he was away.

It was intriguing to him. Perhaps she went away for security reasons. That was the most likely course of events if the attacker was suspected to be a part of an organization that sought to overthrow her.

He slowly descended to the balcony of his study room, and made his way inside.

Roswaal: ‘Ram isn’t here? Odd. Perhaps she is attending to Emilia-sama? I didn’t inform her of the date of my return, so it is partially my fault.’

Roswaal got out of his suit and chose a set of clothing that was… more his style. He magically applied his makeup and prepared to greet Emilia. It wasn’t so late, so she must have not retired for the day yet, unless something really tiring happened.

He made his way through the hallways of the mansion. It was quiet. Too quiet.

Roswaal: ‘Is there no one here? I am yet to see a single maid of mine. They are either slacking off greatly in my absence or something really monumental has happened. I don’t see any of them shirking their duties under any circumstances, so it must be the latter.’

Roswaal raised an eyebrow. ‘Are they all tending to Emilia-sama? Did she really need all of them just for an attack? I may have overestimated her growth as a leader. And what about Subaru-kun? Why wasn’t his presence enough? I am going to have some serious talks with him later. If his presence did not calm her down, and ease her worries, then he has failed as a man that proclaimed his undying love for her. He helped reunite me with my sensei, so I will help him be who he wants to be.’

He let out a sigh and prepared to help cheer her up if she was still down. He would have to delay his talks with his teacher, but he wouldn’t have had the chance to speak with her in the first place if it wasn’t for Emilia and Subaru.

He pushed the doors to the tea room, and made a theatrical entrance with his arms stretched out. His usual smile drawn on his face.

Roswaal: “My my~ It is truly an honour to host you in my humble home once again, Emilia-sama. To what do I owe the ple~asure?”

He saw three people in the room turn their heads to him. Emilia, Beatrice and Rem.

No Subaru.

Roswaal: ‘Why isn’t he here? Did he mess up again? like that time at the start of the royal selection? How disappointing.’

Emilia stared at him. Her face a mixture of relief and anguish. Beatrice shared her expression albeit she had a hint of disgust in it too. Rem just looked devastated.

Emilia: “Roswaal-sama! I am so glad you came.”

Roswaal: “The pleasure is all mine, Emilia-sama~”

Emilia’s expression immediately shifted into one of melancholy. “I… I need your help. There has been an attack on the palace.”

Roswaal: “So I have heard. The attack was on the tip of all the nobles that I had the pleasure of dealing with today. Su~baru-kun’s name was strangely not mentioned in the official announcement. It led to many nobles assu~ming that his performance was less than satisfactory during the attack. I had to calm them Do~wn and remind him of his usual heroics to stop them from starting rumours of trouble in paradi~se.”

Emilia was not amused by his speech. If anything, she seemed to look even more devastated than before.

Emilia winced. “Roswaal… Subaru is dead.”

Roswaal stared at her for a moment. “Pardon?”

Emilia forced herself to speak normally: “Subaru gave his life for me. He died in my place. He is gone.”

Roswaal remained silent. ‘He is dead? How is that possible? Can’t he change the course of events? Why didn’t he do that? Was his ability not as absolute as I thought?’

Rsowaal: “Oh my, what horrible news, Emilia-sama. I am truly saddened by his loss.”

Roswaal: ‘But that doesn’t make any sense. Was he taken out before he had time to activate it? Was that his weakness this whole time? Was he simply lucky? Was his ability nullified somehow? How disappointing of you, Natsuki Subaru. For all your talk of defying fate, it seems you were just a fragile boy in the end.’

Emilia took a deep breath and spoke again. “I came here seeking your help, Roswaal.”

Roswaal: “Of course Emilia-sama. It is my duty to assist you in anyway I am able to in these rough times.”

Emilia: “I want to bring him back. The same is with Beatrice and Rem. We want to revive Subaru.”

Roswaal’s smile faded. “Emilia-sama. I am sure you are aware of the absurdity of that request.”

Beatrice: “Betty doesn’t have time for your warnings. Either tell her that you will help her or she will seek help elsewhere.”

Roswaal glanced at Beatrice. He saw the tremble in her hands. He could call her bluff here if he wanted. There was no one that could help her other than him. He knew that she knew that. But he decided to let it slide. He too was very impulsive when his teacher died. He wouldn’t hold it against her especially after the death of her beloved contractor.

Roswaal: “Emilia-sama. Are you aware of what it takes to go down a journey of that nature?”

Emilia: “I am aware, and am prepared to do whatever it takes.”

Roswaal dropped his accent and spoke in a sharp tone: “No, you are not. Are you prepared to live all of your life in pursuit of seeing him again? Are you willing to sacrifice everything for it? Your throne, your friendships, your power, your life, even your humanity. Are you prepared to do that? Are you ready to leave everything behind and focus only on the goal of bringing him back?”

Emilia was taken aback for a second, but she regained her resolve in no time. She was about to answer back, but Rem beat her to it.

Rem spoke firmly. “Yes. Rem knows what needs to be done, and she is prepared for it. It does not matter to her what she needs to do to see him again. Rem will give her life, her soul, her body, her everything if it meant to see my beloved hero once more. Rem is resolved to stick to what she needs to do, to the bitter end if needed.”

Emilia looked at her in astonishment, but she spoke quickly after her. “It is as Rem said. I am prepared to give anything and everything to see my knight breathing again. The same is for Beatrice. So please, help us see him again.”

Roswaal: “Are you absolutely sure you want to go down this path? You are throwing away everything he worked for this way if you slack on your queenly duties. Are you prepared to disregard everything to bring him back, including his wishes?”

Emilia didn’t hesitate. “I will bring him back, and remain a good queen. I will not let his life be ended without him achieving his dream, and I am not going to throw away what he gave me either.”

Roswaal: “Even if all your efforts amount to nothing in the end? Even if you couldn't revive him after all?”

Emilia: “If I have a path that has the slightest chance of me seeing my knight breathe again, I will not hesitate to walk it down. And if it led me nowhere, I will not regret making that choice.”

Roswaal seemed a bit pleased. He eased his tone. “Forgive my rudeness, Emilia-sama. That goal of yours cannot be pursued by those faint of heart.”

Emilia let out a sigh of relief. “If it had to be done, then there is no need for apologies.”

Roswaal’s face darkened. “Unfortunately, your resolve, while it is admirable, it might be wasted on a path that has a dead end. Subaru-kun’s soul must have returned to Od Lagna. The method that I used to revive my sensei required her to find a way to prevent that from happening to her. She is the greatest mage that ever lived, and she only managed to find a way to do it by utilising her vast knowledge of magic and the world itself. Subaru-kun, as spectacular as he was, has not done anything like this prior to his untimely death. I am sorry, Emilia-sama, but I cannot help you bring him back.”

Emilia was not shaken. “So the requirement to bringing him back is that he has not returned to Od Lagna?”

Roswaal was a little surprised. “Yes. That is the most important requirement.”

Emilia: “Then that means that I can bring him back. His soul has not returned to Od Lagna. It is being held by the witch of envy.”

Roswaal’s eyes widened in shock. ‘The witch of envy? Was she he source of his ability? That surely complicates things. But it also explains how he got his hands on a broken ability like the one he held. What is his relation to her? How did Emilia-sama obtain this information?’

Roswaal sharpened his eyes. “Emilia-sama. With all due respect, if what you said is true, then reviving him might be a horrible mistake. If his soul is in the hands of that calamity as you say, then it is surely being corrupted by its proximity to her. And even if you manage to bring him back, the likelihood of him being the same Subaru-kun that you are familiar with is frankly not promising.”

Emilia: “I don’t care about any of that. I will bring him back no matter what. His soul is not being corrupted. I saw it for myself. I spoke with him. He is the same Subaru.”

Rem widened her eyes and looked at her in disbelief.

Roswaal however, did not share her optimism. “How can you be sure that it wasn’t all a ruse? A way to trick you into doing her bidding.”

Emilia: “I am doing her bidding. She is the one that sent me on this quest to bring him back to life. She wants him to live as much as I do.”

Roswaal could not believe his ears. “Why would the worst monster in history want Subaru-kun to live? What is her relation to him? What is his significance?”

Emilia winced as she mouthed the truth. “She loves him.”

Roswaal was dumbfounded. He stared at her slack jawed.

Emilia: “She claimed to love him with all of her being. She claimed to desire nothing more than to see him live and be happy. She despises me because I contributed to his death by my overreliance on him, but she let me see him because that is what he wanted. She gave me the information that I needed to bring him back to life despite hating me because she loved him more than she despised me. That is the truth of the witch of envy.”

Roswaal blinked. ‘Either Emilia-sama has lost her mind, and started seeing thing from sheer grief, or the world’s most well documented monstrosity is nothing but a misunderstood woman in love. Somehow, the truth is likely on Emilia-sama’s side over the world’s historians.’

Roswaal: “This is the last time that I ask you of this. Are you dure you want to go ahead with your plan?”

Emilia did not waver. “I will deal with whatever consequences come from my decision, but I will not hesitate. I will bring him back.”

Roswaal sighed in resignation. “As you wish Emilia-sama. I shall see what I can do. It will take time for me to return to you with what needs to be done. You claimed that you will bring him back without putting off your duties as the queen, so I recommend you return to the capital in the mean time. I shall seek you once we are ready to pursue the next steps.”

Emilia finally relaxed. “Thank you so much Roswaal. I am forever in your debt.”

Roswaal’s lips curved into a smile. “It is nothing of note, Emilia-sama. I owe you and Subaru-kun more than I could ever repay. This is the least I could do.”

He then bowed and exited the room.

Rem side eyed Emilia. “Emilia-sama. You seemed to be willing to share more with Roswaal-sama than you are with me. This is something that is understandable and expected usually, but you gave me the impression that you wanted my assistance in bringing Subaru-kun back. Would it be too much of me to expect transparency?”

Emilia replied hurriedly. “N-no. Of course not. I didn’t mean to keep information away from you. I just didn’t get the chance to share it with you.”

Rem lingered her gaze on her for a few more moments before sighing and getting up.

Rem spoke in a polite but distant tone. “Rem will accompany you to the capital. This is only for the sake of Rem’s goal of bringing her hero back, and nothing else. So Rem will make the proper preparations for that. I will also inform nee-sama of my plans to go to the capital. Don’t worry, I will not disclose our plans with her. Good night.”

She bowed and left the room without waiting for Emilia’s answer.

Emilia sank into her chair more. Beatrice next to her seemed to be occupied more in her own thoughts than in the exchange that they just had. She sat rigid, her small hands clenched on her lap. She said nothing. For once, the girl that rarely kept silent had no words to give. Emilia felt alone. Truly alone.

Emilia: ‘Endure it Emilia. This is for your knight. You knew that it was going to hurt. This is nothing that was not expected. It is what he would have done.’

Chapter Text

Emilia stepped inside the dragon carriage with a renewed feeling of hope. Roswaal promised to help her in whichever way he could. Rem also vowed to dedicate herself to reviving Subaru. She felt lonely, but she wasn't alone. She had allies who were working with her towards the same goal.

Beatrice sat next to her, lost in her own world. She had been doing that a lot ever since her contractor passed.

Rem opted to drive the carriage. Emilia tried to thank her for it, but she clarified that she would rather keep her eye on the road than stay in a closed space with her and be forced to engage in small talk she didn't want to have. It hurt Emilia, but she let it go.

Reinhard sat across from her in the carriage, his expression as unreadable as ever. His serene smile was on his face. The same smile that stayed through happy moments and devastating ones.

She understood why Otto and Garfiel were so mad at her in the capital. She vowed to apologise. She should have told them of her plan. They would have likely tried to help her.

Reinhard: "Emilia-sama, I have to voice my opposition to your plan once again. It is not too late. Please call it off. We can still mourn Subaru. We can-"
Emilia cut him off: "I have already made my decision, Reinhard. I appreciate your concern, but I accept the risks and the potential consequences that may result from my choice."

Reinhard frowned. "In that case, there really isn't anything I can do to stop you, Emilia-sama. I pray your choice yields your desired outcome."

His face softened. "Despite my opposition, I also would love to see Subaru again. All I can do is offer you my sword and my protection. It is the last vow I made to Subaru's soul."

A small smile was drawn on Emilia's face. Having the backing of the Sword Saint was always reassuring.

She heard a noise coming from outside the carriage. She looked out of the side window out of curiosity.

They were passing by Arlam Village. She saw a large gathering of people. They were doing body movements that were strange by Lugunican standards, but were very common in the mathers domain.

At the centre of the crowd, she saw two girls leading them in their movements. A girl with short auburn hair, tied with a red ribbon, and a girl with long blue hair braided neatly into one braid. She could hear their voices vividly.

"Victory!" "Victoryyyyy!"

A sight that screamed that this was a loving community. One where young children and elders alike had a shared activity that helped them bond. A sight that only inspired warmth and connection.

But to Emilia, it only made her feel loss. This was the activity that her knight had started and popularised in the village. They adopted his mannerisms in it and everything. He was supposed to be the one in the centre, leading them in their movements. They all had smiles on their faces. They looked joyful. It made her feel an ache in her heart.

'Now, raise both of your arms and shout "Victory!"' 'V-Victory!'

A tear slid down her cheek. One of the many happy memories that she made with her precious knight was now a testament to the void his absence left in her soul.

The happy villagers would never feel that if they knew the truth. If they knew that the man they all admired was already gone and buried.

Emilia wanted to scream. She wanted to rush out of the carriage and stop their blissful ignorance. She noticed that Rem was feeling something similar. She was audibly grinding her teeth, but she made no moves. If Beatrice had been paying attention, she would have never let them continue being happy when her contractor was dead.

That grounded her. It let her know that she wasn't alone in feeling like that. She glanced sadly towards Petra and Meili. She knew that they loved Subaru. She didn't want the sound of their laughter to turn into grieving wails.

She silently vowed to Petra and Meili that she would bring him back, as if he had never left.

The carriage soon reached the gates of the capital. As it was making its way to the royal palace, Emilia noticed that the streets were crowded. Many people were gathering around. Some completely ignored her carriage and appeared to be locked in deep conversations. Some spotted the royal carriage and shot her some nasty looks. Some looked at her with hurt and disbelief. Some looked with disappointment.

It puzzled her. She was gone for just three days. What could have happened that changed their perception of her?

Emilia thought about it for a moment. Her eyes widened at the realisation.

'Did Subaru's death somehow get leaked?'

She started to feel panic. This was not a part of her plan. She wanted to keep it a secret, hoping that she could bring him back without anyone noticing that he was gone. Now, reviving him would only raise way too many questions.

Allegations of dark magic and links to the Witch Cult would be the least of the possible accusations thrown at her. Her heritage would almost guarantee that comparisons with the Witch of Envy would start circulating around again.

But worst of all is what they could potentially do to the revived Subaru. She fears that the people might treat him like a freak or an amalgamation. He could be looked down upon just by virtue of being tied to the queen. She didn't want her knight to have to deal with this upon his revival.

Her rage was starting to boil over. She had made it very clear that the news of his death was to be kept a secret until she deemed otherwise. She promised harsh punishments for whoever was behind this.

Emilia shook her head. 'Calm down, Emilia. Don't jump to conclusions. This is just a theory for now. I need to make sure before I take any drastic actions.'

She turned to Reinhard. "Reinhard. Could you please issue a summons to the Sage Council? There is a topic of utmost importance that I need to discuss with them."

Reinhard bowed his head. "As you wish, Emilia-sama."

He then stepped out of the carriage and sped up in the direction of the palace.

Emilia looked back at the crowds with a heavy heart.

Once they arrived, Emilia stepped out of the carriage and turned to Rem. She was preparing to take the ground dragon to the stable.

Emilia: "Rem, you can leave that to one of the stable boys. There is something that I need you to see."

Rem stared at her for a second. "Is it important?"

Emilia: "More than you think."

Rem sighed to herself. "Very well, Emilia-sama."

Emilia did not smile. She simply nodded and took Beatrice by the hand. Beatrice did not offer any resistance.

Rem followed Emilia silently. She didn't know where she was leading her, and she honestly cared very little. They walked through the halls of the royal palace. The eyes of the palace maids and butlers lingered on them as they walked past.

Rem started to feel a little uneasy when they exited the palace through a back door and entered a large field.

Her heartbeat fastened the moment she saw the first tombstone. Her eyes widened in realisation. She stared at Emilia's back as she kept moving through the graveyard.

Her breathing quickened. She didn't want to see it. If she saw it... If she saw his grave... A tombstone with his name etched on it... She wouldn't be able to deny it to herself anymore.

She heard faint whimpers coming from Beatrice as they made their way up a lonely hill. A hill free of graves. It stood out like a sore thumb in the middle of a graveyard filled with neatly lined-up graves.

She saw a shape at the top of the hill. Her heart begged her not to look, to turn back and leave, but her feet kept following Emilia. Every step made the outline sharper. Every blink was a prayer that what she was seeing was just an apparition. That her eyes were the ones that hallucinated the ethereal outline that sat a few meters away from her.

It started to get clearer with each step she took. Her feet kept moving against her will until it became too clear to deny.

A lone tombstone on top of the hill.

It was unlike all others. While they were made of stone, and some of them were covered in mould, this one was made of bluish white ice. This one looked clean... Unblemished... Recent...

Her eyes started to water as they drew closer.

Emilia stopped a few meters away.

She opened her mouth. "Subaru... I am back."

Rem's knees wobbled. She hesitantly took a few steps forward. She closed her eyes and opened them. She repeated it many times. Each time, she hoped that the sight in front of her was nothing more than an illusion in her head. She hoped that it would be gone when she opened her eyes, but every time she did, she was met with it.

A cold, icy tombstone engraved with letters she couldn't read. Despite that, she recognised them.

She hesitantly extended her hand to it, pleading in her mind for one thing and one thing only. 'Please be an illusion... Please let my hand pass through...'

But it did not.

Her hand made contact with the tombstone. She felt its coldness through her fingertips.

Her knees could hold her up no longer. She fell next to it, and her tears followed through.

Rem: "S-subaru... Kun?"

She felt cold. The wind made her feel cold. The tombstone was cold. The graveyard floor beneath her legs felt cold.

She sensed it. It was very faint, but she sensed it. She sensed a scent... His scent... It was fading, but it was unquestionably him.

She couldn't deny it anymore. All evidence pointed to one cruel truth.

Her hero was buried in the dirt that was before her.

A weak sob escaped her throat.

A shivering arm extended from her and wrapped around the cold tombstone. It felt cold, but it emanated his scent. She hugged the tombstone to herself, and her dam broke.

Her tears fell on the dry tombstone, freezing into tiny crystalised droplets.

A maiden clinging to an icy tombstone. The sound of her sobs filled the silent graveyard. Her soul is grieving the loss of her soulmate.

Chapter Text

Hi everyone. 

I would like to start by saying thank you to everyone that read, commented and left a kudos on my fic.

You don't know how much your support means to me.

It is thanks to all of you that this fic reached 1000 kudos!

But here is where the good news end.

This fic is going on indefinite hiatus. 

I am sorry to everyone that was waiting on an update. 

I didn’t like where the story was going for a while, and it has reached a point where I started to hate it, and it was making me hate writing all together.

It started as a fic where i could express my emotions through the characters, but It became what made me feel those emotions itself. 

I might rewrite the story from start.

I might keep it as it is and continue it one day.

I might never update it again.

I am still unsure where I will go with it, but I am sure about one thing. I can’t keep writing this story.

Thank you to everyone for reading my story. I love you all.

A special thank you to Cretviones for helping me reach this realisation, and put my heart at ease.

A special thank you to andreas75490. Sorry Blikky, but your hard work went to waste. I am sorry.

Thank you all for enjoying my work, and I wish you all a good day.