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It was late in the evening, and the air still held a trace of the afternoon’s warmth.
Callie walked down her street, leaving Alana’s house behind and heading toward her own. She dragged her feet a little – not in a hurry to get home but rather enjoying the quiet around her. It always made her head feel lighter.
Her heart skipped at the sight of her mom’s car out front – annoyance tightening in her chest.
Vape hidden in her jacket’s zippered pocket, she kept walking, fumbling with her keys at the door before slipping inside.
Her feet landed quietly on the hardwood floor, steering straight for the stairs and escape into her room. A noise made her freeze on the first step. Her ears pricked, straining to hear what it was and where it came from.
A soft sniffle floated through the air to Callie, making her eyes focus on the slight shimmer of light coming from the kitchen. Glancing one more time to the top of the stairs – a safe, far-away space – she moved towards the sound. Curiosity killed the cat, right?
Slowly Callie crept forward, the noise growing louder with each step. She hesitated at the doorframe, knowing she couldn’t turn back once she stepped through.
Huffing out one last deep breath, Callie moved forward, bracing herself for whatever would be waiting for her there.
Her eyes scanned over the kitchen, taking everything in at once. Her jaw dropped slightly open.
If someone had told Callie she’d walk in and see her mom crying – skin blotchy, tears streaming down her face, hair messily thrown into a bun – at the kitchen counter, with a piece of paper and a weird-looking cassette in front of her, she wouldn’t have believed it.
Callie couldn’t even remember if she had ever seen her mother cry before. Especially this hard. She didn’t even notice her walking in, eyes squinting down at the paper in her hand.
Next to it was an envelope, the upper edge ripped open, and Callie’s eyes were instantly drawn to the neat letters written in the middle of it. Black against white.
Shauna Shipman
Her mother’s maiden name made Callie stop, unsure if she should continue walking towards her. A weird symbol she had never before seen is under it, a kind of triangle. Callie wondered what it meant and stored it in her head for later as she pulled her focus back to her mother.
Slowly she reached her hand out, not quite touching her mother’s arm. Her fingers twitched nervously as her heartbeat quickened.
“Mom?”
Callie’s voice came out whispered – quiet and unsure. The slight quiver made her flinch away, as if she could escape her own vocal cords.
Her mother looked up, shock clear in her eyes – she hadn’t expected Callie to be here, let alone standing so close. Her mouth hung slightly open, her lower lip shaking as she just stared at her own daughter.
Silence hung in the air for a second, neither of them quite sure what to say. Callie waited, expectantly looking at her mother. A deep breath was gulped down into her lungs – a try to pull herself together – before she spoke to Callie.
“Callie! What are you doing here?”
If she didn’t know better, she would have thought her mom was okay, acting like usual. But Callie could still see the tears pooling in her eyes, the streams they took down her face, the puffed cheeks. She knew better.
“Are- Are you okay, mom?”
Callie stumbled over the question, anxiety tightening in her stomach at the sadness in her mother’s eyes. Her mother’s brown eyes dropped from Callie’s back to the letter in her hands, gripped tightly between her fingers. The paper crinkled, the sound booming in the quiet.
“Yeah, uhm, yeah. Everything is good, Calls. Don’t worry about it.”
Liar.
Callie let out a quiet huff, not believing she was still lying to her – after everything. It was obvious nothing was good. Callie had seen the raw emotions on her mom’s face before she managed to lock it away.
Her gaze followed the sound, locking in on the piece of paper. Curiosity buzzed in her chest, her thoughts racing. What could possibly make her mom feel this way?
She glanced up, her mouth slightly parting at the sight of fresh tears rolling down her mother’s cheeks. Maybe – just maybe – her mom would finally tell her what was going on.
“What is this?”
Her voice rang through the house, even the usual background sounds of dogs and cars outside seeming to vanish. Callie could hear the deep intake of breath from her mom before she answered.
“Oh, this is…nothing. Just this stupid letter from…”
Her mom hesitated, her mouth twitching, unsure what words to form next. A small tear fell onto the paper.
From whom, mom? Please just tell me!
Callie’s shoulders dropped in disappointment, certain this was all she was going to say about the mysterious letter.
“Well, it’s from Melissa.”
Callie’s eyes shot up, widening in surprise. She hadn’t expected her mom to continue talking. The answer sank in, making her pause. Melissa? Was she supposed to know who that was?
“Who?”
Her mother’s gaze landed on her face, eyebrows knitted together at her question, unsure if she was serious.
Finding her answer in Callie’s open face, her own softened, gaze averting to the side. Callie thought she looked like she was talking about some distant memory as she opened her mouth again.
“She was, uhm, well she was kind of my girlfriend when we were out there? Not for a long time. But after we got back, she killed herself. That was before you were born.”
The words spilled out of her mother quickly, leaving no time for Callie to actually process them. Her mom let out a huff, something like anger flashing in her eyes.
“Actually! She apparently just faked her death and is still alive. So much for grieving her.”
Callie felt her mother’s gaze settle on her as the silence stretched.
One second.
Two seconds.
Callie blinked slowly at her, the expression on her mother’s face so familiar – like her own when she looked in the mirror, angry.
She tried to imagine her mother – the young face she knew from pictures, skinny from being starved out there, hair messy – as a loving girlfriend. Did she share her food with this Melissa? Did they go hunting together?
The image refused to form in her mind. Her mom was dinner and harsh – not soft and caring. Or maybe she used to be?
The words tumbled through her head, bouncing around without giving her a moment to make sense of them.
“What?”
Her mom’s face changed slightly, eyes narrowing, unsure what part wasn’t clear to Callie. It made perfect sense in her head.
“You had a girlfriend out there? And then she killed herself? And now you found out she’s actually still alive?”
The disbelief in her voice was undeniable, bewilderment layered beneath it. She made a quick mental note to look up Melissa later. Her mom seemed confused, a small frown forming on her lips.
“Yeah, what part is hard to understand?”
Callie scoffed at her mom’s question. What part? Well, let’s start with the obvious.
“Mom, you’re telling me you had a girlfriend?”
Callie’s mom’s eyes opened slightly, perplexed that this was the part she was focusing on. Her fingers let go of the paper and began fidgeting with each other.
“I mean, yeah.”
A laugh, loud and hearty, rippled through the silent tension in the room. Callie was shocked to hear it. She was even more shocked when she realized it was her own laughter.
Tears welled in her eyes, her stomach cramping from the intensity of it. She couldn’t fucking believe it.
“You’re telling me what? You’re…”
“Bisexual.”
Her mother’s answer clicked in her head, like the last missing piece of the puzzle finally snapping into place. She’s bisexual.
All these years Callie had wondered why her mom was the way she was. She first thought it was because of the trauma of the plane crash and losing her best friend. But no. Now she had the answer.
“Oh my fucking god! Jackie makes so much sense now!”
Her mom frowned, confused about why Callie was mentioning Jackie now. What did her best friend have to do with anything?
“What?”
“You were totally in love with her!”
Her mom let out a scoff and rolled her eyes, turning away from Callie. She walked towards the fridge, pulling out ingredients she’d probably use for dinner– clearly avoiding her gaze.
Callie thought that was the end of the conversation as the silence between them stretched, her mom unwilling to continue walking down that path. Unable to accept the truth.
But then she turned quickly, anger on her face as she jumped to defend herself – and her past with Jackie.
“No, I wasn’t! We were normal friends.”
A small smirk tugged at Callie’s lips. Only the guilty defend themselves so furiously.
Her mind ran at high speed, racing for the perfect thing to say. An idea formed.
“Okay, then answer me this one question: Did you ever make out with her?”
Callie knew she was right when her mom’s mouth gaped open. A stutter escaped before her brain could catch up.
“I- Well…yes. But every girl does that!”
Callie’s smirk turned into a full-blown smile, her retort coming quickly.
“No, mom – only repressed gay girls with feelings for each other do that!”
She turned around, feet quickly carrying her out of the kitchen before her mother could reprimand her. From the doorway she could hear the quiet answer from her mother.
“Well, it doesn’t matter now, does it?”
Callie continued walking, not allowing herself to falter at her mother’s tone. She sounded broken, hurt, small – like she was right back in high school, only seventeen, with her whole future ahead of her.
The memory of Jackie settled heavily in the house. Callie hadn’t even known her, but she knew. She knew Jackie had been the most important person to her mother. Guilt rose in her stomach, making her slightly sick.
Maybe Callie shouldn’t have pushed her mother for an answer – not this time.