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Rose aimlessly wandered the corridors after her first trip with the Doctor. The events of the past few days swirled chaotically around her mind: the Auton, the discovery that her world was not at all what she thought it was, the Doctor’s unexpected return, the complete alienness of the space station, the disaster surrounding the end of the earth, and then, the simple pleasure of sharing a cone of chips and offering herself as a friend to the Doctor.
She was exhausted but not quite ready to turn in for the night, and besides, she wasn’t even sure if she’d be able to find her room again on her own. Rose supposed she could just start opening doors at random, but she still felt slightly uncomfortable in the ship and didn’t want to intrude. It wasn’t her ship, after all. Then again, the Doctor had sent her off exploring on her own after their return to the TARDIS, muttering vaguely about needing to fix some part.
At the Doctor’s subtle command to explore, she’d shrugged her shoulders and ventured cautiously into the ship. The corridor stretched out in front of her, occasionally breaking off into another hallway or a flight of stairs. Those paths were dark, however, so she decided to stay in the warmly lit corridor for now. Briefly she wondered if the ship was leading her somewhere specific, given that the lit path was clear in front of her, but Rose decided not to think too heavily about that, especially with the new information of the ship’s telepathic abilities.
After a while, Rose realized she’d walked past the same door five times. Had she been walking in circles? She stopped and carefully inspected the door. It looked similar to the others, plain and solid wood, but this one had faint circular patterns engraved into the surface. She reached out a hand and softly traced one of the circles, realizing why the patterns looked so familiar. The same patterns decorated the yellow post-it notes stuck to the monitor in the console room. Was this a language? The Doctor’s language, perhaps? Whatever the patterns were, they were beautiful.
Rose felt drawn to the room and wondered again if the ship had led her there. Placing a hand on the doorknob, she cautiously opened the door and walked inside. Her breath caught as she surveyed her surroundings.
Two suns shone from the sky. One was small and yellow and the other large and golden red. The light from the larger sun cast a red glow over the landscape. Rose looked around and found herself on a rocky outcropping, a small ledge looking over a plain, covered in what looked like tall fields of red grass. A river meandered through the middle, and further off in the distance, she saw the shimmering waters of a lake or other body of water. Trees lined the river, but they were unlike any tree she’d ever seen on Earth. The leaves shimmered in the sunlight, casting off a sliver shine, and even from a distance, she could tell they towered over the ground. Mountains, speckled with green vegetation, surrounded the river valley, and instead of snow, the peaks reflected the golden red tint from the sun. They towered starkly against the scene.
Rose wondered for a moment if she’d inadvertently left the TARDIS. Suddenly unsure, she looked behind her and found the door open and the corridor just past it. Still on the TARDIS, then. Deciding to investigate further, Rose closed the door behind her and made sure she’d be able to find it again.
Once again, Rose approached the edge of the outcropping, and she was struck by the vast silver trees lining the river and the base of the mountains. In some ways, she mused, they reminded her of the trees of Lothlorien from The Fellowship of the Ring. The mystery of this world (this room?) overwhelmed her, and she wondered about the place she found herself.
Pushing the distracting mystery aside, she investigated the area in her immediate surroundings and found a narrow trail leading to the valley below. After a moment’s hesitation, she began making her way confidently down the path, intent on reaching the river.
+++
Some time later, Rose found herself still a good distance away from her goal. Her throat was parched, and she regretted not preparing herself more for this unexpected adventure. However, she’d been unable to ignore the pull inside, an undefinable urge to explore further, and so she’d answered the call.
She paused for a moment and wiped the sweat from her brow. Without the noise of her shoes crunching against the earth, Rose heard a trickle of water, and walked quickly to the source of the sound. A small stream of spring water gushed out of the rocks and into a basin roughly the size of a large kitchen sink, before trickling further down the slope. A tall cup sat on the edge of the basin, and Rose grabbed it without thinking and filled it to the brim. She gulped the entire cup before refilling it a few more times and drinking her fill. Thirst quenched, she sighed in relief before continuing her trek.
What was this place? The question invaded her thoughts relentlessly on her journey.
In time, the rocky path transitioned to a soft trail through tall, red grass, and her fingers threaded through the thin strands as she walked. The texture was different from Earth grass somehow, brittle and hollow, and her fingers swept easily up the smooth blades. A light breeze wafted through the valley, and the blades of grass chimed like tiny bells as they brushed against each other. She stopped and closed her eyes, listening in wonder at the musical sound of the wind blowing through the fields of grass.
Eventually Rose reached the edge of the trees, and she continued walking toward the river beneath the canopy of giant, silver-leafed trees. The vegetation here looked more green and golden rather than red, as the silver leaves blocked some of the red glow from the sun. The forest floor was peaceful and quiet, and she almost skipped a few steps in happiness as the wind rustled through the leaves.
She finally arrived at the edge of the river and stopped. It flowed past, smooth and steady, and the red glow from the sun caused the blues and greens of the water to shimmer almost ethereally. There was a short embankment from where she stood to the rock-filled beach that lined the river, and instead of looking for a way down to the water’s edge, Rose found a soft area of grass around the base of a tree. Out of nowhere, the exhaustion from the past two days returned full force, and after a brief thought that she should probably return to the console room to tell the Doctor where she was, she sat down and leaned against the tree. Her eyes closed, and she drifted to sleep.
+++
Under the console several hours later, the Doctor muttered a dull curse in Gallifreyan as the TARDIS sparked at him in protest. He knew he needed a break, but he wasn’t quite ready for another nightmare laden session of sleep.
Sleep hadn’t come easily for him in the few months since the end of the Time War, and he dreaded it almost as much as staring a Dalek in the face. In all honesty, there wasn’t much of a difference between the things he saw in his nightmares and the reality of his memories. The Doctor closed his eyes as he tried to ward off another onslaught of memories, unsure as to why he’d ventured down that train of thought to begin with.
Oh, right. Sleep.
No, right now he needed something else. Something to soothe his broken hearts and temporarily numb the pain of loss.
The Room.
The thought struck him suddenly, and he wondered if the TARDIS had been able to do anything with the few physical remnants he had of his home planet. In the last few years of the Time War, during the few moments he’d actually set foot on the planet instead of waging war elsewhere across time and space, the Doctor had reverently collected seeds, earth, and water samples from all over Gallifrey. He’d hidden them in a room, deep within his ship, unknown to anyone else in his travels during the War. He’d not yet returned to the room, the loss of Gallifrey still too sharp a wound.
But now, perhaps... Perhaps it was time to revisit his home in the only way he could. He’d felt lighter the last few days since meeting his new companion, and around the jagged edges of his hearts, he’d felt the soft flutter of hope for the future. He thought of Rose and was unable to keep a smile from lifting around the corners of his lips.
Rose was a force to be reckoned with already. She’d followed his life-saving commands in Henricks and had let him pull her to safety, but then later she’d challenged him with attitude and spirit, noticing significant details he’d obliviously looked past and then, well, then she’d saved his life. And on the space station, he’d rather selfishly taken her to the death of her own planet, even though she hadn’t known at the time that his own planet had recently been destroyed and that he was alone in the universe.
He laughed, the harsh sound shocking him.
At the time he’d expected Rose to run in the opposite direction, but instead, she’d adapted with more finesse and ease than he’d ever expected when confronted with her first significantly different looking alien life forms. At least for a while, anyways. But she’d only needed a few minutes away to process everything and had seemed alright after they’d talked and he’d worked his jiggery pokery on her phone so she could call her mum. Of course then everything had gone to hell, and they’d all almost gotten fried to a crisp by the sun, no thanks to that flap of skin otherwise known as Cassandra. His lips flattened in anger, all traces of a smile wiped away with these new memories.
The Doctor shook his head and crawled out from under the console. Making his way down the corridor, he stopped in his room to change his jumper and wash his hands. He pulled his leather jacket back on, an armor for whatever might await him in the Universe, and let the TARDIS guide him to the Room. For a moment he wondered about Rose, but he knew the TARDIS would lead her to the galley and her own quarters, if she hadn’t already found them. She could take care of herself.
Upon reaching the door, he stared solemnly at the symbols before him, slightly surprised the TARDIS crafted the door in such a way. Such frivolous decor belonged more to the stylistic preferences of his last self. However, as he gazed at the words on the door, he realized the TARDIS had crafted it with the organic simplicity preferred by this body. His fingers ghosted over the circular words, and with a deep breath, he entered the room.
The Doctor stood still, eyes wide in shock and jaw hanging slightly open. The TARDIS had outdone herself. His eyes hungrily took in the expansive scenery, and he swallowed thickly at the gift his ship had given him. He lay a hand on the wall and sent the TARDIS a message of thanks and joy. She sang back in reply, encouraging him to continue onward, to explore.
+++
The Doctor followed the path, and in his desperation to soak in the familiar sights, he failed to notice the footprints on the trail left behind by his companion.
As the Doctor walked on, sensations overwhelmed him. Or, rather, the lack of specific sensation. His heavy boots stomped through the rocks, the dirt, and the grass, sending plumes of disturbed matter into the air as he walked. The grass chimed with the wind, and yet there was a certain silence that almost screamed at him.
The planet had always been full of sound, whether it was the telepathic resonance echoing from his people or from one creature or another that filled the empty spaces with background noise. Now, however, it was silent. While the TARDIS could replicate plants and other such matter from the bits of his planet he’d stored away, she could not fabricate life on that level. He knew that, understood it, accepted it even, but the reality of what happened to his people, what he did to his people, brought him to his knees by the edge of the river.
He cried out, a strangled cry of loss, and fell forward onto his arms.
“Doctor?” A soft hand touched his shoulder, and he sat up in shock, so abruptly he fell back onto his haunches. He scrambled to his feet and took several paces back, his face a stony mask of fury.
“What are you doing here?! Who gave you permission to come here?!” He spat the words, fury emanating off his being. “This is my place, Rose. MINE. Get out! GET OUT!”
Rose’s arm fell to her side at his words, and her eyes widened in shock and fear at his reaction. She stepped back several paces before wringing her hands together with mumbled apology, avoiding his gaze. In his rage, he thought he heard the words “TARDIS” and “lost” and “sleep” before Rose turned around and started to run toward the trail, stumbling over her feet slightly, away from the river.
The Doctor immediately felt the TARDIS chastise and rebuke him, and shame furled in his stomach. Had his ship led Rose to this room? But why? And more importantly, why had he not been the first one here?
“Rose! Wait!” He shouted after Rose, and when she (understandably) ignored him, he jogged to catch up, meeting her quickly. The Doctor gently rested his hand on her shoulder before giving her a slight tug to stop.
She slowed and stopped, chest heaving with exertion, but let her head bow, hair covering her face, and stood facing away.
“Rose, look at me. I’m sorry, please,” the Doctor pleaded quietly.
He breathed a sigh of relief when Rose turned toward him, but a weight settled around his hearts when he saw her tear-stained face, blotchy and red around the eyes. He’d been a right git just now. She had every right to be upset at him, but he needed to explain first. Hearts heavy with dread, he gave Rose a long look before continuing, fully expecting her to depart his company for good when this was over.
“Rose, I- I’m sorry. Can we go sit? By the river? I’d like to explain myself.” The nervous shake to his voice belied his confidence, and he breathed a loud sigh of relief when she nodded in agreement. He removed his hand from her shoulder, and they walked back to the river, side-by-side, heads bowed and hands in pockets.
+++
Rose snuck a glance at the Doctor as they walked and tried to force back a fresh onslaught of tears. The look on his face when she’d touched his shoulder and said his name had shaken her to the core. She’d not been properly scared of the Doctor until that moment, not entirely convinced of his alienness. And the look he’d given her, the complete and utter wrath in his eyes, that look could take down armies, she was certain. And with his words, she’d run. No one would blame her for her actions.
But mostly, she didn’t understand. She’d woken from her slumber to find the Doctor walking to the river’s edge and falling to his knees. The sound that had torn through his throat made her ache with grief for the Doctor, but she still didn’t understand why, not really. Earlier, he’d told her there’d been a War and that he’d lost his people, but the Doctor wasn’t one for details. When he fell forward onto his arms, she’d been compelled to comfort him. That didn’t exactly go over as she’d intended.
The Doctor led her back to the tree where she’d slept and sat down stiffly against the tree trunk, crossing his legs and leaning his head back. He stared at her standing awkwardly across from him and gestured for her to sit down. His face was impassive and blank, and his eyes were dark, save for the stormy blue of his irises around the edges.
She thought the stormy darkness of his eyes rather matched his personality.
Sitting down quietly, perpendicular to him with an angled view of the river, Rose spread her legs out in front of her and leaned back on her hands. The casual posture did nothing to hide the uncomfortable tension simmering inside, as her gaze stubbornly avoided the Doctor and focused instead on the comforting flow of the river.
A heavy silence descended between them for a few minutes.
“The Shining World of the Seven Systems,” the Doctor’s northern burr was thick with emotion. Rose closed her eyes and focused on his voice. “Located in the constellation of Kasterbourous, at galactic coordinates 10-0-11-00:02 from Galactic Zero Center. Not that you’d ever need to know that, Rose. It’s gone, now. Gallifrey.” The last word was spoken reverently, on a whisper.
“Gallifrey,” Rose repeated, opening her eyes and letting the word roll over her tongue. “Gallifrey. Is that your planet? Your home? Is that what- ” She stopped suddenly, loathe to bring the thought to life.
“Is that what this is?” The Doctor asked for her, gesturing to the space around them. “Yeah, it is. The TARDIS, she… Before the War ended, I collected seeds, rock, dirt, water, and other matter, all from Gallifrey, and the TARDIS recreated it as best as she could. Or a part of it, fragments of home. Gallifrey, for a moment, a ghost of what it was, inside the TARDIS.”
A silence fell between them again, before Rose blurted out, “Doctor, I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to come here, I didn’t know. It’s jus’ the TARDIS, I mean- I was walking about, and I think I walked by the door with the circles five times, and so I finally just went inside. If I’d known what it was, I wouldn’t have…” She trailed off and waved her hands in the air to emphasize her words.
“Rose, look at me,” the Doctor ordered quietly, shifting forward from the tree, gazing intently at her.
She raised her eyes to his and with a sigh, moved her body around to face his. The intensity in his eyes surprised her.
“I’m sorry I yelled at you. I’m sorry I overreacted. I- I didn’t even know this was here until today, and seeing you here, in this place, I got angry. This is my home, Rose. My home, what’s left of it, and it’s still just a memory, not even close to what it once was,” the Doctor stopped talking, lost in his thoughts.
Rose’s eyes filled with tears once more, but this time out of compassion for the man sitting in front of her. She pushed herself up and moved close to the Doctor, sitting down with crossed legs beside him. When she placed a hand on his thigh, he looked up, startled, as if he’d forgotten she was there.
“You mean your people, yeah? ‘Cos they’re not there anymore?” The Doctor flinched at her words but nodded. “Well, Doctor, maybe I can help you with that. I know I’m just me, just Rose. I’m not a Time Lord or anyone special, but I’m here, yeah? Just don’t… Just remember I don’t always know everything.”
Rose stood up and offered the only thing she had to give, a hand to hold, and she smiled when he took it, pulling himself up beside her. She gave him a tentative hug and smiled into his jumper when he hesitantly wrapped one arm around her.
+++
The Doctor wordlessly took the hand offered to him and stared in disbelief when Rose wrapped her arms around him. After everything he’d said and done to her, she was offering herself to him, comforting him. How was he so lucky to find someone like Rose, so soon after the War?
His TARDIS laughed in his mind, and his shocked response bubbled out in a laugh. Of course she knew how. Rose looked up at him with a question in her eye, but he simply pulled away and took her hand.
There was a lot he didn’t say, still many secrets he kept buried, but maybe, with time, he’d be able to tell his story to the remarkable woman at his side.
“You’re wrong, Rose, about one thing. You are special, you are important. Please don’t let anyone tell you otherwise, especially me.” It was important, vitally important, that she knew this truth. She looked at him quickly, a soft blush staining her cheeks, before nodding in understanding. “Shall we leave?” The Doctor asked. “We can...we can always come back, you and me, if you’d like, and I can tell you more about Gallifrey.”
Her answering smile almost blinded him, and he once again felt the warmth of hope stir in his hearts.
They walked onward, forward to the future.