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Agott was sure she was the first to spot the cracks in her facade.
She prided herself on her observational skill. It was crucial to magic after all, learning the ins and outs of a sigil and the ways it could be modified to serve a purpose. Magic, to her, was a set of actions and responses. Something she could predict, know inside and out at all times. She always knew what would happen when she closed the circle. But now, she found herself at a loss.
The time after the Silver Eve festival was hardly restful for any of them. Master Qifrey and Master Olruggio always seemed on guard, nervous and restless. Apparently, being attacked by a giant leech at one of the largest gatherings on the peninsula could really rattle your sense of security. Richeh and Tetia seemed nervous too, distracted in their lessons. Tetia had taken to doting, making sure everyone was okay at all times to the point of ridiculousness, while Richeh became more prone to shutting down for long periods of time, going silent for hours or days.
Coco, on the other hand...
Even her first days at the atelier had been exciting and wondrous for her, the oh-so distant gift of magic quite literally at her fingertips, even if it was clouded through her fear and loss. Never before had she seemed weighed down, every step a burden, every stroke of her pen taking a piece of her with it. But it all started with the nightmares.
Or at least, she assumed. Restful sleep evaded them all, but Coco seemed to suffer the most of them, constantly heavy-eyed, yawning incessantly. After her third time nudging the other girl awake, Agott spoke up over breakfast. She leaned over, aiming for whatever scrap of privacy they could find. “Are you having trouble sleeping again?”
The simple question seemed to startle her awake more than any nudge to her ribs. She made a valiant attempt at her usual smile, but Agott wasn’t fooled. “A little, but it’s fine!”
Agott shook her head. “You really ought to be honest. I’m...worried about you.” That elicited a more genuine smile, something softening in her tired eyes. Agott gripped the mushy feeling in her chest and shoved it down, now wasn’t the time.
“You’re worried, huh? That’s sweet, but I’m really fine. It’s just been a bad few nights.” Well that was a lie. She didn’t want to be harsh, but...
She leaned in further. “You don’t get that exhausted from a few bad nights.” Agott would know. She’d driven herself to that point many times soon after being disowned from the House of Arklaum. “If you’re having that much trouble, you should talk to the professors-”
“No!”
Agott startled back from Coco. The harsh whisper barely had any volume, but she may as well have screamed it. The other girl was hardly intimidating, but something had flashed across her face at the suggestion. A panicked, almost feral expression. Like a cornered animal ready to snap. It was so incongruous with the girl she knew, Agott almost thought she’d imagined it until a wave of guilt took its place on Coco’s face.
“I...I’m sorry, Agott. I just...” She turned away, something cold in her eyes. “I just don’t want to go to...Master Qifrey about this.” That set off enough alarm bells in her head that she almost couldn’t hear past their ringing.
“...Okay. Just...” What could she say? Go to an adult, when the two of them were the ones who had to stop the leech? Talk to someone, when they were all struggling with the same thing? You can rely on us, when something obviously terrible had happened and both her and Qifrey were sitting on secrets?
Coco smiled. “I know. Thank you.” She stood to take her plate to the sink, leaving Agott feeling like she’d somehow misstepped.
And the feeling only intensified once they started getting into their lessons for the day. The spell itself was a simple one, meant to revitalize plants that had sustained minor damage. Simple in both construction and application, and very useful for the minor neglect of their little garden during the Silver Eve festival.
The lesson had gone on as normal, a quick explanation of the theory, an example drawn by Qifrey’s steady hand, followed by the apprentices being let loose to practice. Agott threw herself into the task, albeit with less enthusiasm than usual. It took a few attempts, but she finally created a sigil she was satisfied with, earning a brief smile from her professor. Coco on the other hand…
The other girl had barely moved. She sat hunched over the paper in front of her, glaring at…her pen? It was the pen that Tartah had given her, her gateway to finding her own magic, and now she was looking at it like it had personally offended her.
Coco must’ve felt Agott’s eyes on her, and glanced up, made an expression that could charitably be called a smile, and got to work, slow, unsteady lines of Silverwood ink gracing the page. Agott was beyond lost, and defaulted to the only thing she could do: continuing to practice.
From out of her field of vision, she heard Qifrey speaking. “Make sure that the central line is steady, Richeh. That could throw off the balance of the entire spell.” Richeh hummed, starting a new circle, and Qifrey continued. “We want to revitalize, not cause it to grow beyond reason. This will be a very useful spell if you can master it. After all, magic is the miracle that makes the world-“
The sound of ripping paper interrupted the familiar refrain. Agott looked up to see Coco, hunched in the same position as before, the tip of her pen having shredded a harsh line across the paper she was using, rending the unfinished sigil in twain. She didn’t even seem to notice, still glaring coldly at the page.
A chill shocked her to her bones, and Agott reached out, grabbing Coco’s shaking wrist and squeezing it. “Coco, the paper!” The girl flinched, jerking out of Agott’s grasp, and leaving the tattered paper in place. Her eyes flitted between Agott’s concerned expression, the tip of her pen, and the gash on the page, as if trying to put the pieces of the puzzle together.
Qifrey stood. “My dear-“
Coco snapped back to awareness, covering the paper as if it was evidence of some horrible crime. “Wh-Whoops! Sorry, professor! I think I was pressing too hard! Let me try again!” She carelessly crumpled up the paper, pushing it as far away from her as she could, before grabbing a fresh page, making a renewed attempt at the sigil, despite her still-shaking hands. With finely honed skill, she ignored the concerned eyes on her from all angles. Agott might’ve almost been fooled, had she not known Coco too well for that.
It came to a head in the strangest way possible.
The two were in their shared room, winding down from the long day. Agott had been working on some of the more decorative sigils she knew, the kind that had brought Coco so much joy before the festival. It was nice, being able to work on something she wanted. Fundamentally useless, not truly helpful for her growth, but worth it when she remembered Coco’s roaring laughter, all traces of anxiety banished from her face in that moment.
Now, she turned to the girl in question, curled protectively over her desk. A mug of calming tea - something Agott had obtained with a little white lie to the professors - sat untouched, the last wisps of steam long since faded. She couldn’t be sure with her own pen scratching away, but Agott doubted Coco was getting any work done at her desk. She scowled to herself, deciding to apply just a little force. Anything to get her to take care of herself.
“Coco?” She hummed vaguely in response. “How’s the tea? Does it need anything?”
Coco turned, a guilty hunch to her shoulders, avoiding Agott’s eyes intently. “Ah, it’s...it’s fine. Thank you.” Just as Agott hoped, she reached for the mug, hopefully to take an actual sip and make some progress towards rest. She didn’t even have time to pat herself on the back before the plan fell apart.
In her hazy haste, Coco missed the handle, nudging the mug and causing it to overbalance, spilling the contents all over the floor. In a clumsy attempt to save it, she managed to push the mug off her desk entirely. In the space of a breath, it had shattered, spilling shards of ceramic amidst the lost tea. It was like a carriage accident in progress; Agott couldn’t have looked away if she tried.
Coco, hand still futilely outstretched, stared at the debris with numb shock all over her face. Agott swallowed a sigh, shifting to stand. “Alright, let me find a towel-”
Something in Coco, some long-strained, quivering thing, spread so terribly thin that Agott didn’t even know it was there, snapped.
Her expression crumpled horribly, and a sob tore from her. In that moment, she was the mug, shattered all over the wooden floor, and bleeding from invisible wounds Agott couldn’t fathom. In an instant, Coco had curled her legs to her chest and face buried in her knees, as awful, painful sobs gasped their way free, each shuddering cry like a dagger to Agott’s heart. This wasn’t some fearful response or knee-jerk reaction. This was a dam falling apart, flooding an unprepared riverbed and tearing through whatever stood in its path, until only this deep, horrible grief remained.
She wasn’t sure how long she sat there, dumbfounded at the sudden shift, before finally moving, crawling on hands and knees to the other girl. She hesitated for a moment, bogged by her own uncertainty, then spoke. “Coco, can...” She swallowed as another lance of heartbreak pierced her. “Can I touch you?” A few horrible seconds passed, before her head lowered in what might’ve been a nod.
With nothing else for it, Agott wrapped her arms around Coco as best she could, doing everything in her power to hold the broken shards of the brightest apprentice she knew. This shining girl, a fallen star, now only held together by the kind of steely willpower she couldn’t imagine hiding beneath her silly mannerisms and too-honest face.
Coco uncurled, just a fraction, to reach out to her fellow apprentice, grasping onto her like a lifeline, burying her face in her shoulder. The wracking sobs had stilled, settling into a quieter kind of grief. Agott wasn’t even sure if she was still crying or just shaking from exhaustion, even as she settled her arms more firmly around her.
A small part of her realized it was a lot more awkward than the books made it seem to have someone crying all over you. Every other part of her rejected the thought, focusing on keeping her own breathing even as possible, trying to get Coco back on rhythm as her unsteady breaths stilled. The grip on the back of her dress slowly unclenched, going from desperation to a simple unwillingness to let go.
“Sorry,” she finally gasped. “Your dress...probably gross now...”
Agott felt a bolt of irritation. Not at the girl, but at everything in the world that had done this to her. That had made her first response to an honest-to-goodness breakdown to apologize. “Silver stars above, Coco. I have plenty of dresses. I’m more worried about you right now. You haven’t been honest with any of us since we got back. ” Coco flinched, but Agott held on a little tighter, honest words welling up inside her. “And I’m not mad, you’re allowed to have secrets, just...” She swallowed, feeling the burn of her own tears in her throat. “Let us help you. Let me help you. Whatever’s wrong, whatever’s weighing you down, lets fix it, together. Okay?”
For a terrifying moment, Agott thought she’d overstepped, that the glittering shards gathered in her arms would only break apart further, scattering like dust in the wind. She felt Coco begin to pull away, fear in her heart, fear that she’d finally crossed the line, that she’d lose her forever-
And then Coco sat up and smiled. It wasn’t all that bright, and it wasn’t quite happy yet. But it was there, and she was trying, and some of those cracks were filling. And that was enough for her.
“Okay.” She cleared her throat and tried again. “Okay. I’ll try. I’ll try for you.” The words thumped in her heart, and Agott pulled Coco back into the hug to hide her reddening face. Now was not the time for any of that.
And besides, she’d missed her fellow apprentice. Even if she’d been physically present, Coco hadn’t really been there in weeks, and some pale imitation had been following in her footsteps. But now, even if she wasn’t okay, she was here. And Agott finally had a chance to help some of that burden.
She wasn’t sure how long they stayed there on the floor, tea soaking into the floorboards and the weight of a narrowly avoided disaster looming over them both. But eventually, Coco pulled back, and Agott reluctantly let her go, leaving the other girl to rub her eyes. “Sor-“ She paused. “Thank you.”
“It’s no trouble.” It’s never any trouble. I owe you so much. It’s staggering sometimes, how much you’ve done for me. I’ll never be able to repay even half of it.
Coco’s eyes traced the pattern of the floor beneath them, suddenly uncertain. “I do want to. Talk about it, I mean. I just…” She didn’t seem to know how to finish the thought.
“You don’t have to, not yet at least. But...if you’re feeling bad, or need a hand, or anything, please tell someone. Me, or Tetia, or Richeh or...” That was another topic for another day, her reluctance to speak to Qifrey. “Or...whatever. Just let us be there for you. You know we’re there for you, right?” Agott held out a hand, just like she had high above the crowd, a few weeks or an entire lifetime ago. And just like that moment, Coco took it, their fingers almost instinctively curling together.
“I know. I know that.” She took in a wavering breath. “And if I’m being honest...I feel bad right now. Really bad. I wish...” She laughed humorlessly. “I wish I could go back to that night. The night before the demonstration. It was terrifying, but in a good way. Now I’m just scared.” Coco laughed again, the sound even more jagged. “Is that stupid? That feels stupid.”
Agott held on even tighter. “That’s not stupid at all.” Her mind whirled, ideas snapping into place and forming one grand gesture. “Stay right there.” Coco leaned back as Agott leapt to her feet, gathering up her pen and quire, snatching up a lantern contraption. “Actually, grab your coat, we’re going outside and I don’t know how cold it is.” The other girl seemed startled by her burst of movement, but complied nonetheless, slipping on her shoes.
When they were both situated, Agott spun again, grabbed Coco’s wrist, and began to pull her from their room. Their steps lightened as they aimed for the front door of the atelier, moving like ghosts as the other occupants slept soundly around them. At some point during their trek across the living room, Agott’s hand had slid down, and was wrapped around Coco’s again. She squeezed, feeling the calluses that every apprentice developed, the rough skin marking her first steps into the world of magic. The calluses they shared, an unknowing girl from a tiny village and heir to a lineage of magic alike.
They didn’t go far. The atelier was still in easy eyesight, just in case anyone came looking. But the distance was good, the barest illusion of leaving their worries behind. In the dark, she almost couldn’t make out Coco’s scar, like that terrible attack never happened. In a silent consensus, they sat on the hillside, cool grass ticking their palms as the stars twinkled above them.
Their hands were still intertwined. As reluctant as she was to let go, Agott eventually cleared her throat.
“Coco.” The girl hummed. Agott squeezed her hand, a bit more insistently. “Coco, I need this back.” Coco turned, a soft look in her eyes, right before the meaning set in. She released Agott’s hand like it had scalded her.
“Right, right! Sorry!” It was hard to tell in the low light, but she would’ve swore Coco was flustered at the minor slip. Agott shook off the notion, she had to stay focused. With careful strokes, a sigil came to life under her hand, one that she knew well even in the low light. Coco made a few attempts to peek, but Agott hid the quire every time, sending mock glares her way. She merely giggled, her red-rimmed eyes already looking marginally brighter.
Finally, Agott held out the sigil and offered Coco the pen, letting her close the circle. Her eyes widened a fraction, seemingly recognizing the spell in question, before happily inking the final curve of the circle. Light blossomed between their hands, gathering like a miniature star of their own creation, before blooming into its final shape.
A round, puffy owlcat floated above the spent sigil.
The spellwork captivated Coco, as it always did, and Agott felt the familiar rush of pride in her work. Then they both glanced upward, and locked eyes. They held out for a moment, before bursting into giggles. It was somewhat ridiculous. There were still so many questions, so much to be afraid of, but the silly little light was enough in that moment. Every fear felt distant, banished by the whimsy they brought to life from ink and paper.
So when Coco asked to see more, Agott couldn’t refuse.
She amused herself by creating more animals, an entire menagerie floating above their heads, while Coco busied herself focusing on the owlcat first. Some of them appeared lopsided, or wobbled and popped like soap bubbles, but for the first time in weeks, the scratching of her pen seemed to invigorate her, instead of drain her. So when she finally created a stable light, Agott joined in her muted cheers, accepting her excited hug with as much grace as she could manage while essentially being tackled from the side and shaken.
The little owlcat joined the floating dragons and pegasi above them, a little constellation of their own making. Coco beamed at their handiwork, still gripping Agott’s elbow in excitement. She swore they were reflecting in her eyes, a little cosmos inside of her shining through.
Her smile dimmed, just a bit. “You know, I’ve learned a lot about magic recently.” She shifted, a repressed shudder. “I’ve learned that magic can be scary. It can erase your memories, or turn you into a beast, or leave you as a statue...” Agott nudged her shoulder, old guilt welling up inside her. The things she said upon Coco’s arrival haunted her, especially once she realized the girl was having full-blown nightmares about that moment. But before she got the chance, Coco continued.
“But I’ve also learned...that magic can be just as wondrous as it was when I was a little girl. Water flying through the air, a ball of fire in a crystal, winds that pluck apples from trees. So maybe it’s big, and it’s scary, but...I need to remember it’s more than that. That magic can still make people happy. That I can still bring smiles to everyone’s faces someday. Even if it doesn’t feel like it right now.” Her words had taken a bitter twist near the end, and Agott blurted the first terrifyingly honest thing that came into her head.
“You don’t need magic to do that.”
Coco’s head snapped to the side, and Agott resisted the urge to cover her face and hide under a rock somewhere for the rest of her life.
Because, stars help her, it was true. Her spells were creative, but not terribly advanced in a vacuum. It was the joy behind every stroke, the way each and every sigil seemed to make her light up. To Agott, magic had been mundane, familiar, a mountain to overcome. Not something for fun, or to make someone smile.
Without her realizing, Coco had become her own north star. A guiding light that dragged her from the murky depths she’d been lost in for so long, and guided her back to peaceful shores.
And in the midst of this revelation, Coco hadn’t stopped staring at Agott in wonder, as if the confession was the most magical thing she’d ever seen.
If Agott had her way, the strange stalemate would never have been broken. But Coco proved herself again, letting go of Agott’s elbow and leaping to her feet. Foolishly, she missed the warmth of her hand for a split second, before Coco held both of hers out, still beaming. “C’mon, let's dance!”
“Wh-What?!” The stupid mushy butterflies she’d been tamping down now broke free with a vengeance, leaving any semblance of wit behind. “B-But, there’s no music!”
Coco giggled, endlessly patient as always. How did she manage to stay so bright after everything she’d faced? Why did she keep choosing Agott, again and again? “There wasn’t any before, was there?” As if in a dream, Agott took her hands and stood. “The festival didn’t go the way we wanted, but it’s never a bad time to dance! Don’t think, Agott! Just let go!”
And she did. She was caught in an undeniable current, guided home by her shining star. She was caught in her orbit as they spun around - no grace, none of the sophisticated movements she’d been briefly taught, just pure joy and passion. And it was true, even without a melody to follow, they had their own rhythm as they twirled and twirled. The light of their creations shone above them, a little bubble of joy in the midst of their fear. Something that was Theirs alone.
Eventually, the chill of the wind grew too strong, and their spells began to fade back into nothingness. Somehow, everything made it back inside, even as they giggled dizzily, flopping onto the couch like the children they were supposed to be.
Finally, true sleep seemed to find Coco, who leaned her scarred cheek against Agott’s shoulder, too exhausted to even think about retiring to their room for the night. Agott didn’t comment, merely curled a fraction closer and wrapped her arm around her shoulders, letting Coco slump against her side. It still couldn’t have been all that comfortable, but she still slipped away, hopefully into genuine rest.
It came to her in the dark, the conviction that bloomed within Agott. No force in the world, be it old magics, Brimmed Caps, even the Pointed Caps or the Knights Moralis themselves, would keep Agott from Coco’s side. She had gone through so much, had gotten nothing from the world without a struggle. She deserved someone who’d stand by her side. And so help her, Agott would be that person.
Coco had extended her hand when Agott had been nothing but cruel, the least she could do was prove herself worthy of that trust.
The impulse hit her with a renewed torrent of embarrassment. It was something straight out of the corny books she refused to admit to liking. But still, the urge pulled her head to the side. Coco’s breathing was calm and even, well and truly asleep. With her head on her shoulder, all Agott had to do was turn her head just a bit further, and...
It wasn’t really a kiss. It wasn’t even a peck. It was at most, the barest brush of her lips against Coco’s temple. But it still sent the storm inside her reeling with conflicting feelings.
Instead of processing any of it, she tamped it back down, rested her head against Coco’s, and let sleep claim her too.
-
Olruggio was the first to awaken, and therefore the first to find them. He took in the sight of them, scratching the back of his head, a wry grin spreading across his face. He’d been worried about their apprentices (Qifrey’s apprentices, rather. He still wasn’t their master.) for a while, but it seemed they’d taken matters in their own hands. And he trusted them above all else.
So instead of disturbing them, he simply gathered the abandoned light contraption and spell equipment, setting them off to the side. Wouldn’t want anything to break, after all.
Qifrey was next, already bracing himself for another hard day. This, however, was a fine way to start, in his opinion.
It was clear after the... trouble with young Custas that Coco had pulled away from him. Some indefinable crack had appeared in their relationship, one Qifrey wasn’t sure how to fix, if he even could.
So it delighted him that his apprentices had managed to find solace in each other’s company. Perhaps he’d lost the right to be their guide, but they could still shine brightly for each other.
So he draped a blanket over their shoulders and went to prepare breakfast.
Tetia and Richeh were next, the two of them still yawning widely. Of course, the sight that awaited them was more than enough to spark some new energy in them. Tetia giggled over their still-entwined hands, while Richeh drew her hair over her face in a familiar tic, hiding the smile they both knew was there.
There would be time to talk later, to tease Agott and press whatever breakthrough Coco had had. But for now, they agreed their fellow apprentices had the right idea. They curled up against the foot of the couch, pulling whatever bit of blanket they could manage over themselves, before nodding back off, enveloped in a bubble of self-made warmth.
There would be a lot more to discuss in the coming days. Burdens bared and shared, trust to rebuild, cracks to be filled with gold. It wasn’t a true resolution, really.
But it was a moment of rest. And Coco slept peacefully, surrounded by love.