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After this week of heartbreak, Remus decided to take his future into his own hands. However, so far, his future has only included multiple drinks and a search for tattoo shops near me . A neon sign lights the sidewalk, and Remus’s feet stumble into the tattoo parlor: Black Ink.
As he walks up to the counter, he tries to hide the fact that he’s completely bladdered, concentrating on his feet and only looking up once he’s standing still. However, the man behind the register clearly clocks him immediately, grey eyes scanning him intently when he looks up. The world is spinning around him, and he forces himself to sound sober, working through each syllable carefully.
“Oi mate,” He slurs. “How ‘bout a tattoo?”
For a second, the other man just stares at him, mouth gaping open and eyes wide. Then suddenly he springs into action, slipping himself under Remus’s arm and leading him to a couch without a word. As he lays down, he remembers why he came in.
“Don’t need a kip.” Remus tries to sit up, his voice growing more annoyed with each passing word. “My cheating arse of an ex wouldn’t let me get a tattoo. But he broke up with—bloody hell—I dumped his cheating arse when I caught him in bed with—so now I’m getting one.”
“Him?” The other man’s soft voice cuts in, but he ignores it.
“So now I can get the tattoo I always wanted. From the pretty pretty man.” Remus attempts to wink salaciously, but his arms are still crossed in a pout. He juts out an arm, gesturing wildly to his inner elbow. “I want a full moon,” he blurts, quieter now, like it means something more than he can say. Like it’s a promise to himself. Although before tonight, he never even thought about which tattoo he would get, only that he wanted one. With silver eyes locked on him, a moon feels right and he doesn’t question why.
The wobbly man keeps swimming at the edges of his vision as Remus lays on the couch. Soon, darkness takes over and as his mind shuts out the world, gentle words break through. “Oh Moony.”
—
As morning comes crashing in, bright light makes him pinch his eyes shut, a headache building before he even opens them. He throws his hand to the side, hoping to find paracetamol or at least a glass of water. Instead, he hits a warm body and his eyes fly open immediately.
A beautiful man is in the bed beside him, blinking open silver eyes and running a hand through inky curls. As Remus’s jaw drops in shock, he wonders how he ended up in the bed of the most attractive man in all of London. As the other man wakes, he smiles at Remus, a bright, familiar grin, and Remus feels himself smiling back despite himself.
“Who are you?” He murmurs, head still heavy from the night before, suspecting this is a dream.
“Sirius Black,” The man chuckles, handing him a phial that Remus downs without thinking and his mind starts to clear immediately. “Are you feeling better this morning, Moony?”
Remus squints at him. “Moony?”
“Well you came in completely pissed trying to get a moon tattoo, so it seemed fitting.” The gorgeous man props himself up on an elbow and offers his other hand. “You can call me Padfoot.”
Remus thinks he must be dreaming as he envelops the pristine hand in his own. Warm fingers slotting against his like a puzzle piece. There’s no way this is happening. “Alright then…How did I end up in bed with you?”
“My flat is above my studio,” Sirius grins, “And you wouldn’t let me leave once I got you tucked in.”
It’s not a dream, no, this must be a nightmare. Heat rushes to his face as the truth sinks in: this man had only been kind, and Remus had dragged him into bed. The shame crackles down his spine. Flashes from the night before blur in his mind, his voice too loud, his limbs too loose, his heart too broken. He scrambles from the bed, mumbling an apology before he even meets the man’s eyes.
“Moony! Wait!” Sirius calls out from behind him, catching him right as he reaches the front door. Long fingers wrap around his bicep, sending chills across his skin, the other man goes silent for a moment, staring at the spot they are touching. Seconds pass, but soon he’s speaking again, his posh accent filtering through. “Do you still want that tattoo?”
Embarrassed, yet somehow entranced, Remus nods silently, despite his mind yelling at him to leave this mortifying situation. It causes a smirk to form on Sirius’s face, and a burst of deja vu hits him as he stares at the familiar curl of lips. They stare at each other for a moment, and suddenly his hand is wrapped in Sirius’s and they are tumbling out the door. His head is still pounding, but his hangover is gone as long as he can see Sirius, the man’s very presence cures all.
Somehow, he finds himself settled in a chair with Sirius perched in front of him, holding up a design of the full moon with a soft look in his eyes.
“That’s beautiful.” Remus breathes, eyes tracing the delicate lines. “Did you draw that up after I came in last night?”
Sirius lets out a broken sigh, and Remus wants to cup his cheeks and take away the pain he heard in that single breath. Sirius swallows hard. “The full moon… it always made me think of my best friend.” His voice is too even. Carefully rehearsed, like he’s said it in his head a hundred times.
But Remus can hear the aching in his voice, and chances a question. “Did he break your heart?”
Silver eyes bounce up in shock, then in understanding. “Not on purpose, he was straight.”
“That’s rough,” Remus tilts his head, gaze gentle as he feels himself desperate to know Sirius better. “ Was ? Did something happen?”
“No…” Sirius hesitates. “I had to leave him behind when I moved.”
Remus can sense he doesn’t want to share more, but he lets that secret settle between them. Instead he changes the conversation slightly, “But you have a London accent?”
“Went to boarding school in Scotland.”
“Well I’m glad you moved back to London.”
“Me too.” Sirius says with a soft grin before turning back to his supplies.
Soon a needle is being pressed into his skin, but it’s painless as he watches the look of concentration on Sirius’s face. It feels like fate, having wandered into this shop the night before, each moment passing in the beautiful man’s presence feeling more important than any moment of his life to this point.
“So, what happened with your boyfriend?” Sirius speaks up, liquid silver, and for the first time since last night he thinks about his ex-boyfriend.
“Honestly I don’t know why I was dating him.” Remus pauses, remembering all the times his mum gently prodded him about his choice of date. All those times he ignored her, letting himself be deluded into thinking his relationship was healthy. Remus suspects this isn’t even the first time he cheated, just the first time he got caught. And yet, until today he still felt like it was a good relationship, despite the ending. But with Sirius’s eyes locked on him, Remus could imagine what a good boyfriend would look like, and his ex faded further and further from his mind. “I’m just glad to have Fenrir out of my life.”
And he was. After the two years of dating and the countless nights of arguments between them, he was happy to be rid of the man he once thought he would marry. Especially if it meant there was a small chance Sirius would ask him out. Although, his scar crossed skin and crooked nose was nothing compared to the statuesque man, so he doubted it.
Sirius coughed in surprise, pulling away suddenly. “I’m sorry, did you say Fenrir?”
“Yeah?” Remus is startled, trying to read the emotions running through the other man’s eyes. “Do you know him?”
Sirius lets out a laugh, but it sounds strangled. “No. Just funny that Wolfy McWolfWolf dated a man with another wolf name.”
“Bloody hell.” Remus giggles despite himself. “It’s not like your name is any better.”
Sirius snorts, “My parents hated me, what’s your excuse?” Remus starts a bit at that revelation, hearing the truth spill between the forced laughter.
Voice purposefully light to avoid pushing any boundaries. “My mum loves Roman mythology. Plus my da had a wolf name, and they had to keep the theme going.”
“Better than my family, all of us are named after stars.” Sirius rolls his eyes. “My brother was named Regulus.” His voice breaks on the final word, but he doesn’t look up from his work.
“What happened to him?” Remus asks softly, as if he didn’t just meet this man.
“Died.” Sirius coughs up. “Both of my brothers died.”
“Oh.” Is all Remus can say. But as a tear works its way down Sirius’s nose, he uses his thumb to wipe it away before it falls. He speaks up again, his voice gentle, “What was your other brother’s name?”
“James.” It comes out as a sob, and Remus wants to hold him in his arms. “He’s my other half.”
Unsure of what to say, Remus jokes gently, “The James star? Don’t quite remember that one.”
And he’s rewarded with a laugh. “His family took me in when mine kicked me out. James was everything to me. He saved my life in more ways than one. I think about him every fucking day.”
He puts the needle down and Remus takes this as his chance to wrap Sirius up in his untattooed arm. They sink into the embrace together, and Remus wonders if he had even started his life before he met this man. He feels an ache in his chest, even though he’s not the one crying, and pulls the other man tighter.
“I’m sorry.” Sirius sobs. “This is so unprofessional. I just haven’t had anyone to talk about James with in years.”
“Tell me about him then.”
Sirius pulls away, giving Remus a sad smile. “He was brilliant, most talented student you could ever meet. But oh Merlin was he trouble.” He winks. “We both were. Got more detentions than anyone else at our school, even the other Marauders.”
“Marauders?” Remus asks.
“It was the four of us. Well only really me, James, and the boy I was in love with.” Sirius shoots Remus a look, as if he’s expecting him to say something. “But only James and I ever got detention, we were too proud of our pranks to act like we didn’t do them.”
“What kind of pranks did you do?”
“Well one time we released—” Sirius falters before continuing. “Released bees in a classroom so the teacher would have to cancel class.”
Remus chuckles, “What if someone got stung?”
“Well the boy I liked was a total swot, so he not only ensured no one was allergic beforehand, but he also had a soothing salve of his own invention ready in case someone got hurt.”
“At least one of you sounds responsible.”
“Yeah.” Sirius locks eyes with Remus. “I think you would have liked him.” And then he turns back to the tattoo, the rest of the session passing in comfortable silence.
They exchange numbers and make plans for the following day, both desperate to spend more time together.
—
That date goes perfect, as if it’s a fiftieth date rather than a first. They agree to another, then another.
Each date draws them closer, and Remus wonders how he never noticed the gaping hole in his life until Sirius filled it. Days and nights blur, and soon he's spending more time at Sirius’s flat than his own. It doesn’t feel like a new relationship, it feels like someone he’s known his entire life. Sirius makes his tea just right without asking, brings him his favorite chocolate without thinking. It’s effortless. Familiar. Like their lives have always been orbiting each other. Sometimes, Remus wonders if they’re soulmates. If their love was written in the stars, the very ones Sirius is named after. It’s something his mum would say, and he’s starting to think she’s right.
“Remus John! You’ve been distracted this whole conversation.” His mother’s voice comes through clearly on the other end of the phone.
He pulls his eyes away from Sirius who is in the kitchen, cooking with only a pair of pants on. “Sorry mum.”
Her voice softens. “Who is he?”
He doesn’t have to ask who she means, his mind caught wandering not for the first time. “Sirius.” His lover's eyes glance up at his name, sharing a smile between them. “His name is Sirius.”
“Oh I see. And when do I get to meet this Sirius?” She questions, although he knows she will just show up if he doesn’t give her a concrete answer.
“I’ll see when it works best for him.” And as if summoned, Sirius appears at his elbow. Remus raises an eyebrow tuning his mother out as his boyfriend reaches for the phone. “Well mum, it appears he wants to tell you himself.”
And with that, Sirius is on the phone with his mum, a wide smile in place. “Yes Hope! I would love to meet you, how about we catch a train this weekend.” And it’s settled. And it’s perfect.
They continue to chat, Sirius even gesturing for Remus to take over the disastrous meal he tried to prepare. Giggles rise from the couch, and Remus feels himself grinning as he pops the dish in the oven.
The next morning, they are on the train and headed to Wales. And Remus can’t help but feel lucky for the relationship he stumbled upon. Wondering if they would have ever met if he didn’t wander into that tattoo studio, he likes to think that they would have.
“Moons, do you think she’ll show me baby pictures of you?” Sirius is practically bouncing in the seat next to him.
He sighs, “Probably, although it should be known that I will fight it.”
Sirius rolls his eyes, tucking further into his side. “Please, as if there’s any chance you weren’t the cutest kid ever.
“Pads, you should know—” Remus hesitates, despite their weeks together and the fact that Sirius has seen, touched, and licked every one of his scars, he still hasn’t told him where they’re from. “I got in an accident when I was little, had to relearn to walk and everything, so some of the pictures will be—” He thinks about his final word, unsure of how to explain the pain he feels when he looks through the old photos.
“Heartbreaking.” And Remus just nods.
“Moons, I’m sorry you had to go through that.” Sirius pulls back, looking at him carefully. “But other than that, everything’s been okay—right?”
Remus smiles, “Everything else has been great—perfect, since I met you.”
“Promise.” Sirius looks at him seriously. “You had a good childhood right, no pain other than that?”
Remus wonders about the sudden intensity, but answers honestly. “Just the accident. I was a rather careful child otherwise.”
“And you had friends? Good friends?” Sirius digs, eyes desperate.
“They were fine, nothing that lasted, but that sometimes happens when you move.”
Sirius nods, satisfied, nuzzling into Remus’s neck as if he were a dog. Sniffing deeply as he settles into his familiar spot.
“What about you?” Remus says gesturing down, skimming a finger across Sirius's legs. This is the first time Remus has asked, curious about the fine lines he's seen crawling up his lover's calves.
“My mother did those.” Sirius explains, dragging a finger along his calves, as if he’s tracing the scars, despite the thick fabric covering them.
Remus doesn’t know what to say, he’s not surprised, but it hurts to hear nonetheless. In the silence, he strokes Sirius’s hair, and that says more than his words ever could.
When they arrive at his childhood home, Hope wraps them both in hugs as they walk through the door, squeezing tighter than usual as she takes them both in.
As Sirius lets himself be hugged, he says quietly, “It’s so good to see you again, Hope.”
She smiles as she pulls away, “We’ve never met, love.”
“Oh yes, but after hearing your opinion on Amelia from next door, I can’t help but feel like I already know you.” He pulls out a small bouquet of flowers from his bag.
Hope giggles softly, “Oh Sirius, how did you know lilies are my favorite flower?!”
Sirius gives her a smile, although the edges seem almost sad, “Good guesser.”
“Don’t ask how he does it Mum.” Remus wraps a comforting arm around his boyfriend. “He seems to know everything about me without asking.”
“Soulmates.” His mother says with a wink before slinking into the kitchen to make tea.
Sirius turns to him with a grin, “Soulmates?”
Remus rolls his eyes, “She believes everyone has a soulmate, that they will meet in every lifetime.”
“I like the sound of that, I don’t think my life would be complete without meeting you, Remus Lupin.”
“Nor I you, Sirius Black.” And he pulls his lover in for a deep kiss as the sounds of his mother preparing tea fades into the background.
Later that night, Remus pulls Sirius into his childhood bedroom, slightly embarrassed by the mountains of books and haphazard band posters.
“It looks exactly the same,” Sirius whispers to himself, adding when he glances at Remus, “It looks exactly the same as I imagined.”
Remus chuckles as he sits on his bed, arms wide and waiting for Sirius to fill them. They sink into the bed together, and as night falls, they sleep in a warm embrace. However, around 3am, Remus is woken up to screaming.
“James—James—” Sirius is sobbing, his voice cutting off as his arms scramble in the air above him. “Please, please, please—”
Remus shakes him softly, his heart pounding in his chest as fresh tears run down Sirius’s cheeks.
Finally he wakes up with a start, gasping for breath and running a hand through his hair. Remus just holds him to his chest, not expecting an explanation, just wanting to provide comfort. Whispers soft between them in the moonlight. “It’s okay my love, we’re safe here.”
After nearly an hour, Sirius finally begins to let go of the tension and whispers back. “I found James after he was killed. Sometimes I can still—” he breaks off into another sob.
Remus continues to stroke his hair, closing his eyes against the pain he feels emanating off the man he loves. They fall asleep again like that, the confession not making the air heavier, but instead easing a weight off Sirius’s shoulders. It’s still there, but for that night, Remus helps carry the burden and sleep takes them away again, the conversation saved for another day.
—
Time continues to pass, the two men slowly moving in together, and pieces of their lives falling in place.
“I can’t imagine not having you in my life.” Remus sighs, pressing his face into his lover’s neck. “You’re perfect.”
Sirius stiffens slightly, but relaxes as Remus rubs a hand up his arm soothingly. “I’m not.” A huff of laughter. “I’ve done terrible things, Moons, and sometimes I wonder how I’m still functioning.”
Remus knows he did something in his past, something unspeakable, but that doesn’t change who Sirius is now. “You are a kind and loving man, Pads. I don’t know who you were before, but I know I love you now.”
He feels shuffling in his arms as Sirius turns to face him. “Most days I can forget about it, leave it all in the past, but sometimes—”
His voice cuts off suddenly, tears springing up as Remus cups his face gently between his palms. After a moment, he begins again, “I left people behind, and I feel guilty every day that I have this life and they don’t. I’m such a selfish arse.”
In the comforting darkness of his room, only the full moon outside providing any light, Remus’s heart breaks for the man he loves. “You can’t help everyone, love.” He wipes away a tear softly, “But you’ve made my life infinitely better.”
A broken smile opens up before him. “You make me a better person.” He hesitates, “It’s like a veil was lifted and I can finally be the person I want to be.”
Remus kisses the small smile, watching as it blooms under his lips. “I think I would love every version of you.”
With that, the smile fades. “I don’t think so.” He glances up, letting his gaze soften slightly, “But I’m glad this version of you, loves this version of me.”
The air heats up between them, and Remus kisses him deeply. “Always.” Before a tongue slips into his mouth and the night is lost between their bodies and the love flowing between them.
—
Sirius POV
The world settles around him more with each passing day, the blinding light of the veil and the war on the other side slowly fading into a distant memory. The weight of unrequited love and a broken heart begins to ease as he surrounds himself with a mirror image of his oldest friend. Some days, he aches to go home, for Remus, for Harry, but then he feels this Remus's love, warm and full and freely given, and lets himself forget. He may grieve the life he left behind, but he can’t help but rejoice the one he’s been given.
He melts into arms that have held him a hundred times before, but never like this. It had always been a brotherly hug, nothing more, nothing less. But now, slipping into those same arms and feeling that love returned, it’s almost impossible to think about the life where it wasn’t.
It’s the life he once dreamed of. But one thing is missing, and despite the years that pass, he never stops thinking about his best friend. Never stops wondering if, wherever he ends up next, he might glimpse that familiar grin again in the afterlife.
That is, until James Potter walks into his studio. And for the first time in a long time, everything feels right again.