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Get out of my house (or don't)

Summary:

In which Connie, Sasha, and Jean break into a well-known witch's house to cause a little trouble, not knowing the witch was home.

Or Armin is a witch who's known but never seen, and one night he meets three people- one of them sticks out to him.

Could be seen as platonic or romantic, nothing really happens,,,,

Notes:

Taking a break from Sunmin to write Conmin, does Armin's greed ever end? Or will I continue to write about him forever?

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Connie doesn't remember how he was talked into this, but now that it's actually happening, he's getting pretty hyped up. Jean had told him and Sasha the other day about how he found out where the witch lived. Apparently, the witch had human friends, and one of them was dumb enough to talk about him in public. Long story short, he convinced the two of them to go to the witch's house with him. They weren't planning on actually doing much, maybe tossing around a few pillows or throwing some eggs. It's not like the witch deserved death or anything; no one's really seen him, but the witch has caused multiple problems for the townsfolk. Like stealing chickens and messing up gardens. All relatively harmless but still annoying, and who better to deal with that than three unemployed young adults with nothing better to do? 

So, Connie follows Jean as he leads them through the trees, Sasha walking behind him and snacking on some bread she stole. Honestly, they're going to need to have a talk later, they can't just be breaking into witches' houses for stealing despite doing the same thing. Never mind, they're already here. Connie has to admit he's pretty excited, although definitely nervous. Not nearly as nervous as Jean, though, no matter how hard he tries to hide it. The house is huge, almost exactly what you'd expect from a witch, or even a vampire... Big and dark with lots of windows, if only it were raining- that would complete the vibe. 

"Dude..." Sahsa mumbled between bites, not bothering to stop eating even to speak. "Were gonna get hexed or something..." Despite her words, she doesn't sound too worried. In fact, it's her that takes the first step through the window on the side of the house. They couldn't use the front door; they didn't check if it was locked or anything, but it just wouldn't have been cool enough to not break in properly. As they walk through the large living room, they can't really figure out what to do. The house is so big, it feels like they need to gamble on which rooms would be most inconvenient to be destroyed.  "Should... Should we split up?" Connie asks the group, to which he's quickly shut down by Jean. "Have you seen literally any horror movie ever? Splitting up will get us picked off one by one." His voice is a bit hushed when he speaks, as if scared to make noise. Connie thinks he has a point, but that doesn't mean he won't argue. "Have you seen any witch movie? It won't be home at night, that's when they go do their witching." Jean rolls his eyes. "If you're so sure, why don't you go alone? Me and Sasha will stay downstairs while you go up." Connie does not want to go alone, but he's not gonna let Jean win. So with a huff, he turns around and walks up the stairs.

The upstairs of the manor is pretty similar to the bottom, big and dark. There are a lot of rooms to choose from, but eventually he just lets Eenie Meenie Miney Mo pick for him. The door luckily isn't locked, and it's pretty easy to open. The room seems to be a large library, looking like it just goes on and on endlessly. Although it's a little overwhelming at first, it ends up being the perfect place to mess up. Thousands of books perfect to just toss around, and the library is even organized alphabetically. Connie also knocks over some chairs, most of which have relatively soft cushions and pillows. As he destroys this stranger's well-organized library, he has to remind himself that he isn't evil for this, because it all belongs to a chicken-stealing witch. 

"Excuse me." A voice says blankly from behind, startling Connie and almost making him jump a little. Almost. The voice came from a short blonde girl who looked to be around his age. Actually, that might be a guy...? Either way, they've caught Connie in the act, and he can only hope they're chill about this. "You're excused." Seriously? Now isn't the time to try and be funny. But what can he say? He's just a hilarious guy. Anyway, the blonde... person (?) doesn't laugh, or seem amused at all. They simply look Connie up and down before taking a step closer. Then another step, then another until they're face to face. At least now Connie can tell the blonde is a guy, but he can't figure out anything else. "Can I ask what you're doing?" He says softly, his voice low and almost calming if not for the sort of scary situation. "I'm throwing around these throw pillows." At least he's honest, maybe he'll get a better outcome if he chooses the right words. His answer seemed to be fine, since the blonde man sort of smiles at it. "I don't think that's what they're for." 

He doesn't seem mad, Connie notices. Is he not the witch? Surely not, a witch would be way more mad at his house being destroyed. Plus, witches are supposed to be ugly and green. This guy wasn't either of those things. But if not the witch, who was he, and why was he here? "Yeah... I'm not dumb. I was throwing the books too." Connie sort of regrets his words as soon as they leave his mouth, but he decides not to care too much. He's too busy watching the blonde man. This guy seemed to be watching him, like, watching him. As if he were inspecting Connie, trying to figure him out or predict his next move. "Can I ask why you're doing that?" He asks permission to ask his question again, and Connie is kind of glad. He'd rather answer a thousand questions than run for his life from a crazy witch. "Well, for justice and that kinda stuff." The blonde man seems confused, sort of tilting his head to the side like a dog would. Connie continues trying to explain his presence. "Y'know the guy who lives here is a witch? So we're messing up his house a bit, to make it even for him stealing stuff from our town." The blonde man nods along, he seems to think about Connie's words for a moment before smiling again. "I get it. That's very noble of you." For some reason, Connie doesn't believe this guy thinks he's noble, but he expects that'll be the only compliment he'll get from doing this, so he'll take it for now. "Thanks..." He mutters a bit as he watches the blonde watch him, it feels a little awkward to just go back to throwing stuff around now. Also, he still doesn't know who this guy is. "Do you... live here...?" Connie hopes the blonde will say no, looking at him now, he feels a little bad for messing up his things. Unfortunately, he nods. "I do, my bedroom is down the hall." His answer is short, not really telling Connie anything.

"Oh... Sorry for messing up your library..." The blonde smiles again, not seeming to mind. If he does, he's very good at hiding it. "It's fine, it's for justice, right?" Connie suddenly feels a bit anxious. If this is the witch, he's definitely up to something. What if he's already cast some kinda spell? Should he just ask? He's out of ideas, he silently prays these aren't his last words. "Are you the witch...?" The blonde doesn't answer immediately, which scares Connie a bit. In fact, he seems to think for a moment, as if going over his answer in his mind. "No... Im a butler." The blonde finally answers after a while, dragging out his 'o'. His expression is a soft smile, but it's hard to tell what he's thinking. Whether the blonde was telling the truth or not, wouldn't he still have to clean this mess? Or do maids clean? What do butlers even do? Connie's never had a butler, or a maid, or a library in his house. "My name is Armin, by the way." The blonde- Armin continues, extending his hand out to Connie, who hesitantly takes it. "Connie... Sorry about your library, again. I thought the witch lived alone." Armin nods, taking his hand away from Connie's to mess with some of his hair. "He will. I'm leaving later... Today is actually my last day." Armin explains, which calms Connie down a little. He's glad some innocent butler won't have to clean the mess he made. While he lets out a little sigh of relief, Armin seems lost in his own thoughts.

He can't help but think, 'Gosh, I really am getting better at lying. I made that one up pretty quickly...' Armin's thoughts are a bit wild at the moment. From what he's gathered, this man, 'Connie' and his friends broke into his house to destroy it as revenge for him stealing things from their town. In his defence, he usually has Eren pay for the things he takes after, he just can't do it himself because everyone will chase him away. That's the price for witchcraft, he supposes, not like he can do anything about it now. Anyway, he needs to decide what to do about this intruder and his friends. He's really not in the mood to clean up this mess, especially after it took him so long to set up this library- it took him even longer to get all the books for it. He hasn't even read half of them yet, and if any get destroyed because of this, he may no longer be peaceful. That's a joke, of course. Armin could never bring himself to actually kill someone, a little torture maybe, but even that seems like too much sometimes.

"Can I ask, how much more of his house do you plan to destroy?" Armin finds it a bit strange talking about himself in the third person, but he makes sure to speak slowly so he doesn't mess up. Connie seems a bit anxious to answer this question; perhaps he's scared. Armin doesn't think he's too scary, especially when he's just standing there, not reciting spells or anything. Although if Armin were to break into someone's house and they caught him, perhaps he'd be a bit anxious too. "I don't know. I can... go ask my friends if they're almost done?" Connie's answer is good enough for now, and Armin decides he can work with this. He's been getting a bit lonely anyway, perhaps he can trick these people into becoming his friends. It's not like he didn't like Eren and Mikasa or anything, but even they got a bit boring from time to time. "Alright... I suppose there's no need to rush. If they're not done, I could make you some tea while you wait." 

"That's okay, I think they're done." Connie says as he tosses the throw pillow he'd been holding this whole time, before starting to walk towards the door. Armin can't help but frown, he sort of thought he was getting somewhere. But as his missed opportunity walks out of the library, he tries to see where he messed up. Was he not forward enough? Perhaps he should've told the truth? Was Connie into witches? Maybe he was disappointed when he thought Armin was human.

Connie walks down the stairs as quickly as he can without actually running, looking back multiple times to make sure he isn't being followed. He doesn't waste time grabbing his friend's arms and dragging them away. "I think we've done enough, the witch will probably be back soon." Jean argues a bit, but he walks out with Connie, secretly a bit relieved to not be here anymore. Sasha doesn't seem to mind much, eating something she had probably taken from the witch's kitchen. He hopes it's not poisoned or anything. As the sun came up, the group had made it back to their little town. All three of them sleeping on the floor of Connie's room despite having a perfectly good bed. Connie can't help but dream about the butler at the manor. Was he even a butler? Probably not... Connie's just thankful he wasn't hexed or anything.

Notes:

Thank you for reading !!
I'm still working on my writing skills, I've also never written Connie before, so I hope I did him justice. i couldn't decide on how to end this, so the bottom half isn't exactly to my liking. I do really enjoy this AU, I think witch Armin is a fun little idea.....