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The call wakes Seungkwan up at 3:01 a.m.
He stirs awake to the low sound of his ringtone. He’s about to hang up, thinking it’s spam, but then he notices the name on the screen.
Vernon.
He hesitates for a second. It’s not that Vernon never calls him —he does, all the time. But not in the middle of the night. Not without a warning.
Still, he chooses to answer. He always does.
“Hey, Vernon! Shouldn’t you be at a party?” his voice comes out raspy around the edges.
Vernon sighs on the other side of the line. “Yeah… But the stars are so… beautiful.”
Seungkwan can almost see the sparkle in his eyes.
“Are you drunk?” he asks.
“Just nostalgic.”
“So you decided to leave a party you were probably enjoying,” Seungkwan says with irony.
“I wish you were here,” Vernon answers, and it feels too sincere.
Seungkwan ignores it.
“Well, I wasn’t invited.”
Vernon laughs, and he stays so silent Seungkwan can hear the party. There’s people screaming and loud music playing. He hears a window breaking, but it might just be his imagination.
“Vernon? I have to wake up early tomorrow.”
“Stay just a minute longer.”
There’s a smile on Seungkwan’s lips Vernon will never know about. It’s embarrassing for Seungkwan to find himself like this whenever he talks to Vernon. They’ve been friends since childhood, and Seungkwan can’t go a second without smiling when he hears that voice.
Vernon chuckles, then:
“I might regret this.”
Seungkwan’s heart starts beating like a drum.
“I like you, Kwan.”
The call ends just like that. Seungkwan opens his mouth in astonishment, phone still in his ear, as if Vernon will come out of nowhere and say something else.
But he doesn’t. It’s just Seungkwan in the middle of the dark now. And they have to see each other tomorrow.
The alarm doesn’t wake him, it doesn’t need to. He’s been tossing and turning all night, thinking about the call.
The call. God.
He presses the heels of his hands on his eyes as if that will make the memory go away. It doesn’t, it just rings in his head even louder. I like you , Vernon says.
He drags his feet to the kitchen and turns on the coffee machine. He needs the caffeine. He stares at his phone for five minutes. No new messages. Of course.
Maybe he could text something dumb, like “ did you mean that? ”, but Vernon would be too serious, and Seungkwan would hate that.
Soon enough, he’s pacing around the room, lukewarm coffee in his hand, and the phone still hasn’t rung. It drives him crazy, the way Vernon can just change his world with a phrase. His head hurts, but he has to get ready for their hangout anyway.
He chooses a simple outfit, enough for a walk, and leaves the house, keys in his hands and thoughts reeling in his head.
Vernon’s weirdly normal. The atmosphere is obviously awkward, but Vernon’s not. He’s sitting on a bench, scrolling on his phone. When he notices Seungkwan, he just… smiles.
Seungkwan doesn’t know what to do with himself. It wouldn’t be nice to bring up the confession now, would it? Vernon’s probably embarrassed and just wants to cover it up. Right. Seungkwan should just act normal.
It’s probably not normal to trip over yourself ten times in five minutes. Or flinching when your hand brushes your friend’s.
“Kwan? You okay?” Vernon asks when Seungkwan trips for the eleventh time.
Seungkwan lets out an awkward laugh and tries to force a smile. It doesn’t come out right.
“Yup. All good.”
He can almost see a grin on Vernon’s face, but it doesn’t last long.
“Americano, right?”
Seungkwan nods. They’re standing by a coffee truck they found in the middle of the park. Seungkwan had asked Vernon to order for him. It’s not like his taste changes, he’s always been a fan of a good old Americano.
“It almost spilled earlier, be careful,” Vernon says as he hands Seungkwan the cup. He’s always taken care of Seungkwan like this. Always paying attention to the little details, to the bumps in the street that could make Seungkwan trip.
Seungkwan had always thought of it as normal behavior between friends. After last night, he thinks there might be something else there. But he brushes it off when Vernon laughs at his thinking face.
“What?” he asks like he doesn’t know.
Vernon smiles and starts walking ahead of him. Seungkwan follows behind.
“You’re cute,” he answers a couple of minutes later, and, for some reason, Seungkwan starts blushing.
This is normal , he thinks. Everyone blushes when they receive compliments . Then, Vernon turns around, and Seungkwan’s met with the stupid grin on Vernon’s face every time he teases Seungkwan.
“Are you gonna just stand there?”
Seungkwan’s definitely not going to stay here. He just needs a little time to process how to go from here. Vernon’s cute, he obviously is. Seungkwan scans his whole face. His cute smile, his cute eyes, his beautiful eyelashes. When he gets to the ears, he realizes he hasn’t touched his earlobe in a while.
He reaches out for it, and when Vernon realizes what Seungkwan’s trying to do, he takes a step back, and Seungkwan’s taken aback. But he quickly understands when he notices the red on Vernon’s neck.
You can try to trick your mind, but you can’t trick your body . That’s right. You can try to control your emotions, but your body will never listen to you. It’ll cry when it wants to, get sick when it wants to. Maybe even… blush?
“Vernon,” Seungkwan calls him.
Vernon opens his eyes in shock, his neck still turning back to its original color.
“Yeah?”
Seungkwan grabs his hand. “We need to talk,” and drags him back home.
Vernon’s sweating, his knees bouncing in expectation as he waits for Seungkwan. Seungkwan’s staring at him from behind the couch, waiting for the perfect moment to start the conversation. He doesn’t even know what to say, having the guts to even bring him here was enough. Maybe he could just ask about the call.
When he feels ready enough, he walks around the couch and sits next to Vernon.
“Hey,” he says.
Vernon stares for a while, clearly nervous. He’s blinking way too fast. Seungkwan gives up on trying to get an answer.
“Can you tell me what the call was about?”
“Sure.”
He gazes at Seungkwan again, like he’s waiting for permission to talk. Seungkwan just nods.
“I guess it was self-explanatory. Was the whole ‘I like you’ thing not enough? Do you think it was a joke? Because it definitely wasn’t. I meant it. I really did. Do you want to ask anything? Like when I started liking you? I can answer any questions you have.”
“You’re rambling,” Seungkwan says, stopping him. Vernon puts on a clumsy smile. “Just tell me anything you want to. I want to hear it.”
Vernon sighs and closes his eyes, probably to think about what to say. Then, he starts wiggling his eyebrows around. Seungkwan has always found that cute.
“I guess…” he opens his eyes. “It started when we were teenagers. That probably sounds crazy, I know. But… you just shone so bright, it was impossible to not look at you. That’s what reeled me in, mainly.”
Seungkwan didn’t think this would be so embarassing. In movies, listening to someone say why they like you always seems easy.
“Cute.”
Seungkwan puts his hands over his mouth. “I didn’t mean that,” he mutters. That’s weird. “I mean, I did!” he rushes to correct himself. That’s too hopeful. “I wanna die.” Depressing?
Vernon glares, then starts laughing at Seungkwan’s attitude. He laughs so hard tears start falling down his cheeks. Seungkwan can’t do anything but stare as Vernon cracks up at his embarrassment.
“You think this is funny?”
Vernon manages to stop the laughter, then looks up at Seungkwan, and, as he wipes a tear off, he says, “You’re cute.”
Great, Seungkwan’s blushing again, and Vernon can see.
“It feels great to say everything I think! Confessing was a good choice after all.” He looks at Seungkwan, and there’s a beautiful sparkle in his eyes. “I’m okay if you reject me.”
Funny, Seungkwan never thought about rejecting Vernon. In fact, he was waiting for him to call again for no reason. He was waiting to hear his voice again. Maybe… just maybe… he could explore why he wanted Vernon to call again.
“I never thought about rejecting you,” he confesses. “But I haven’t thought about what I feel either.”
Vernon smiles. “Kwan, don’t give me false hopes.” He stares at Seungkwan with hurt in his eyes, but the hurt fits him too well. If Seungkwan wasn’t in love before, he definitely is now.
“Can I… try something?” he dares to ask.
Vernon seems to know what he wants to try, because he faces Seungkwan and nods.
Seungkwan gets closer, just a little, to test how it feels. It doesn’t feel wrong, not awkward, the distance is comfortable, so he gets even closer. A lot closer now. Their faces are inches away.
“I don’t know what to do.”
Vernon places his hands on Seungkwan’s waist, like they belong there. “Grab my face,” he instructs.
And Seungkwan follows his steps. When his hands are on Vernon’s face, they freeze for a moment. Seungkwan stares into his eyes, and, whoa, they really shine. He moves even closer and presses their lips together. It’s only a second, only a peck, but Seungkwan can feel his mind open when it’s over.
“How was it?” Vernon asks, that stupid grin on his face again. His hands are still on Seungkwan’s waist.
Seungkwan takes his hands off Vernon’s face, and lets himself understand what he’s feeling.
“I like you,” he says out of nowhere.
It takes Vernon by surprise, because he lets go of Seungkwan. He doesn’t move away, though.
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah.”
“Kwan, this is too sudden. I don’t want you to regret it.”
Seungkwan smiles again, and brings one of his hands to Vernon’s earlobe. This time, he gets to touch it.
“I don’t think I will. If I regretted it, you would already be outside.”
Vernon sighs. “Okay,” he finally accepts.
“Okay.”
Seungkwan lets go of Vernon’s ear and leans his head on his shoulder. Vernon brushes his hair with his hand. They stay still for some time, maybe hours, Seungkwan doesn’t know, and he doesn’t care. But he suddenly gets curious about something.
“You said something weird yesterday. It had to do with the stars.”
Vernon chuckles. “I said the stars were beautiful.”
“Yeah! Why?” Seungkwan looks up at Vernon, and he pinches his nose.
“Isn’t it obvious? The stars remind me of you. They always have.”
Seungkwan smiles and leans his head on Vernon’s shoulder again. He closes his eyes and lets the warmth take over his whole body. He can’t believe he didn’t realize what he felt sooner. But it’s okay.
He has Vernon now.
It’s okay.