Chapter Text
Mark collapsed into the couch, completely dismissing what Rex was talking about. He huffed into the soft pillow as he let his eyes finally droop.
That mission was exhausting but apparently not for Rex Splode. He was complaining about the pay he gets from Cecil. At Least he gets paid. He was too exasperated to even try to comprehend whatever shit Rex was spewing out of his mouth.
Maybe he should pay attention to him. He doesn’t want to be a dick to him. He lifted his face up from where he had it planted just seconds ago.
“-I mean I risk my life on the DAILY. My precious life! So many people would have heart attacks hearing about my death. But yes, let's pay our lovely Guardians like two cents per mission! Hi I’m Cecil and I love being the worst employer-“ Rex glanced down at Mark, Rex leaned into Mark's ear. You know, just in case he doesn’t hear him.
“Are you even listening to me Marcus?” And suddenly he doesn’t want to listen to someone who has called him Marcus. Dropping his head back into the couch.
“Hey, Sergeant Splode calling to space cadet Grayson!!” Rex shouts, “Come on get your face off that pillow and listen to my absolutely, revolutionary and incredible idea..”
“Fine, what do you want?” Mark retorted as he pushes Rex’s mug of his ear. Rex, completely oblivious to Mark's annoyance, continues.
“So you know the way I have absolutely shitty pay from our dearest Cecil? My favourite government agent by the by.” Rex responded. Wait did he just say by the by?
“..By the by? Do you mean by the way?”
“Pfft, same thing dumbass. AS I WAS SAYING,” Of course he had to shout that in his ear again.”I have an idea to get a pay rise, yknow some bank.”
“So why are you telling me this? You know Cecil doesn’t really pay me.”
“That’s because I need your dear assistants Marcus!—“
“Don’t call me Marcus.”
Rex rolled his eyes. “You’re no fun..Anyway, what if we, as two men, fake date?” It’s official. Rex Splode has completely lost both his mind and dignity.
“Fake date?”
“YES!! as in pay for gay! Since it’s pride month and all.”
“Rex, it's the middle of September.” Mark corrects
“Yeah? June that's what I said.” Rex says. Probably to piss him off. However, judging that it was Rex, Mark wouldn’t be shocked if he was genuine.
“Rex, how will this even benefit either of us.” Mark scrunched his nose, holding his fingers to his nose bridge. A classic move to show inconvenience! Of course If the person wasn’t as oblivious as Rex.
“Oh come on? I give you a stellar idea, and you shut me down immediately? You can make that girl…umh, Amber? Anyway you can make her jealous.” Presenting the idea to Mark like a business offer. “AND, as for me? I will be swimming in my pool of coins.”
“I don't want to make Amber jealous. And why me?” Mark asks.
“Umh, who asked you? anyway we are both superhero’s and every other guy is either too old or they said no when I asked. That's why Immortal, more like midmortal actually, is a lame loser.” Rex pauses before continuing his rambling.
“Like isn’t the media big into age gaps? He probably has a wrinkly dick anyway. Like shit smeared all over it and itchy balls. Maybe that's why he always has a stick up his ass because he has a never ending itch.”
Mark ignored Rex’s vulgar language towards the hero. Rather asking,“You asked Immortal to do this scheme with you?”
“Darkwing jr. as well, whatever Darkwings sidekick name is, but he went on a spiel about how I shouldn’t use him for money.”
So do you wanna?” Rex drags out his last sentence. Looking up at Mark with (failed) puppy eyes that somehow worked on Mark. Maybe it was the green that blended in with the yellow in his eyes. Mark had to admit Rex was pretty
“Okay fine but that's just because you owe me from saving my butt last mission.” Mark accepts the offer and then pushes himself off the couch to leave, “so when do you want to start?”
Rex beams. All his teeth showed before he held two thumbs up. “As soon as possible Marcu- I mean Mark!”
Maybe this wasn’t that bad of an idea, Mark thought as he grinned to himself before he went to sleep.
——
Mark woke up to the angelic voice of Cecil. Actually on second thought, the grating voice of Cecil, “Get up kid, you're late for the mission with Rex.”
“Huh,” Mark mumbles. Just seconds ago he was having a dream about him and Rex. Wait no that was real, he thinks. “Oh hey Cecil, how’d you know I was here?”
“Kid the GDA knows everything.”
“Oh yeah I forgot, where’s the mission anyway?”
“I need you to fly over to Yukon. The lizard league is planning a massive attack and I don’t think Rex can defeat them all by himself.”
“Cool, Yukon is in Japan right?”
“Mark, Yukon is in Canada.” Cecil corrects Mark. “Also are you going to go in that roughed up suit from the last mission or do I have to tell Rex to hold up.” Cecil says as he gestures his hands at Mark.
“I should probably go now then Cecil” Mark urgently responded before asking, “Also where in Canada is Yukon?”
Cecil huffs out before latching onto Mark. One second he was at the guardians of the globe HQ and the next he was in complete chaos. Teleportation was always strange. It was blurry and at first it would give him ringing ears and blurry vision. But he has grown accustomed to it now. Despite getting used to it, it was still uneasy.
They were both teleported on top of a building above the anarchy below. Mark than glimpsed at Cecil.
“Cecil, how much money do you blow on teleportation?” Mark thinks out loud.
“Not now Mark, you have to save Rex from being trampled by the lizard league.” He said, before he disappeared. Right teleportation.
Mark placed his hands onto the grainy concrete walls of the building. He stares down at the fight. Rex was surrounded by only 6 members and he was nearly out of ammunation to explode. Mark jumps over the wall and swings his leg to the face of his enemy. His feet hit the ground swinging a punch into the guy next to him.
“Invincible! Thought you were skipping today's patrol!” Rex booms casually, as you do when fighting villains.
“Nope, Cecil barged in while I was napping and told me to get up.” Mark says as he knocks his fists into another member.
“Ugh he might be demoted to my second favourite government agent now.” Rex huffs out as he throws his last explosive, completely knocking out two Members.
“Tell me about it.” Mark grunts as he grabs the supposed leader by the shoulder and shoves him to the cold roads. He left a dent in the road. He needs to learn how to control — The last guy left swung his shaking fist into Mark's face. Before he made contact with Mark, he swiftly caught it while simultaneously discussing it with Rex. “This one time Cecil he made me get married to some fish when I was dating Amber.”
“Damn, didn’t know he was big into beastialty. Well next time I see my second favourite government agent I’ll make sure to tell him that you are taken with yours truly.” Mark rolls his eyes at Rex.
“No it was some fish tradition, the Chicago incident kinda sparked it.”
“Oh yeah, I honestly can’t believe you're still in the hero biz after that whole, yknow, situation.” Rex moves his arms. Trying to make things less awkward talking about the Chicago incident and ultimately failing horribly.
“Yeah it’s still rough I guess —“ one of the members then snuck up on Rex. Jumping onto him and clawing at his face. Rex shouted, reaching his own hands to rip the scaled gloves off him.
“HEY, get your fuckass hands off my hot face!!” Of course Rex had to include a twinge of narcissism.
Mark, ensuring that Rex’s face “hot” and “sexy” (as Rex would describe himself) features don’t get clawed off, reaches for the scaled arms and throws the lizard to the road. Rex breathes in and out as he stares at the wretched villain who tried to scar his impeccable features.
“Jealous fuck wants my god like face.” Rex mutters.
“Yep well you win some and you lose som-“ Rex interrupted Mark with an unexpected kiss. It wasn’t anything intense or passionate, just a kiss. It still left Mark stunned. Oh wait. Fake dating. That confirms that it wasn’t a dream. Still appearing shocked Rex than attempts to reassure mark.
“What?” Rex asks, motioning his body towards the rolling cameras. Paparazzi.
“I didn’t think this was a part of the deal.” Mark whispers.
“I mean how else will people know we are" dating "?”
“I guess you’re right.” Mark pauses, a minute to think about what had just happened. “Can we actually discuss this properly when we are in private maybe?”
Rex sighs before replying. “I guess we have too.”
I suppose everyone is going to believe it now, Mark thinks to himself before launching himself into the air to get home.