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Impossible. That’s all they were. Dreams. Fantasies. A mech once so close that he could touch him, but so far away now. Once they could have sat together on that low rooftop to look up at the few cogged fliers late at night. Just talking, or maybe sitting in silence. Either would have been so easy and perfect.
Megatron. The name still sounded so foreign as Optimus repeated it in his processor. He now laid awake not on that rooftop but in a cold lonely berth. He didn’t talk to anyone, nor did he sit in a comfortable quiet. He was met with nothing but that name repeating through his mind.
It felt like a vast, empty tunnel that someone was whispering the name down into, letting it echo and dissipate, then saying it again. Sometimes it was D-16’s voice. Like how he’d say the name of his favourite prime. Sometimes it was Megatron’s voice announcing his new name to the rioting high guard, Sentinel’s split corpse either side of his frame.
Most of the time it was his own internal voice. Simple disbelief and confusion. Sorrow or grief. On the worst nights, Optimus sometimes thought it would be better if Megatron were dead. But only Megatron, not Dee. Never Dee. And on every other night, he’d remember his old friend. Devoid of rebellion. Living a lie but a comfortable one.
He often blamed himself as Dee once had in that cave with Alpha Trion. After all how was it not his fault. Now a war waged. All because of him.
He onlined his optics into darkness. Recharge didn’t come easily anymore. Trapped in a constant loop of blame, guilt, grief and anger, again and again until the sun rose again. Despite having Bee and Elita by his side he just felt so lost and alone. Where was his direction without his best friend. The mech he…
He wouldn’t even admit his true feelings to himself. How could he. He wanted to scream. To cry, to rage, to curse Primus and run away leaving everything behind. But he couldn’t do that to Bee.
Maybe he could just rock himself to sleep with those distant memories that felt like dreams. Maybe he would dream about Dee and it could feel real just for a little bit. Just for…
——————
D-16 stood near the edge of the rooftop, arms folded looking up at the tall buildings. Orion just stared for a minute before stepping up beside his best friend. “Don’t you wonder what’s up there?” He remarked after a moment. Dee shrugged. “Yeah. But it’s not our place to know.” Orion sighed.
Couldn’t he at least try to think beyond the mines and their bunks? Beyond the low rooftop to imagine what like may be like for those cogged bots with the means to get up to those heights. He wanted to ask Dee so many things. He wished they could talk about things beyond their small corner of the city.
Some things were better off unsaid. At least that’s what he told himself. Because if he could put it out of his mind, maybe that small corner could be narrowed down to just the two of them, even if just for a little while. Nothing but two cogless miners atop a small roof gazing up at the sky of buildings and lights. In other words, a peaceful night. Just the two of them.
Orion’s gaze traveled across the space between them to Dee’s servo hanging at his side. A foolish thought crossed his processor. The thought that he could bridge that gap. Take that dark grey servo up in his, step right up to his side and lay his helm on that silver shoulder.
He scoffed inwardly at the idea, despite the ache in his spark. Better keep it as a fantasy, a dream, impossible.
——————
Optimus sat up in his berth, rubbing his faceplate in his servos. Tears stung his optics, threatening to spill over. He glanced through his digits at his chronometer. Still an ungodly hour. The whole city would still be asleep. Primus, he had to get out of that room no matter what time it was.
The prime took up the cube of energon on the small table by his berth and took a swig. He set it down again and took a deep vent. Where could he even go? Maybe…. He had an idea.
He took extra care in making no noise as he left the base. He wouldn’t be able to stop Bee or Elita if they decided to come with him and he really wasn’t in the mood for company. Jazz and Cliffjumper stood guard in the halls. They weren’t a problem. What kind of leader would he be if he were to try and sneak past his own troops, his friends.
A brief interaction later, Optimus was driving through empty Iacon streets. Everyone had either gone to live in the Autobot base, to join Megatron in his surface base or in rare cases, gone to Luna 1 or 2 to get away from it all. Optimus couldn’t help but think that they were the smart ones.
As he drove, the streets began to look more and more familiar. The kind of familiar that you know when you see something every day. This was accompanied by a feeling of sparksplitting nostalgia and yearning. Optimus stopped and transformed. He looked around at the abandoned area.
He could see the train hanging stationary due to cut off power, the dark shops and depots. Everything was so familiar but different at the same time. After all he was shorter then. He wandered slowly without direction, going wherever his pedes took him.
His processor was a swirl of incoherent murky thoughts. He fell in so deep he felt almost drowned. Suddenly he was dragged out by the sight of the old miner barrack’s entrance. His spark flared painfully in its casing. He could almost see him and Dee bantering and laughing as they turned in after a long day.
He just stood for a while. How could things have changed so fast. He turned away from the memory and continued on. Before long his optics settled on a staircase. The one that led to the rooftop. That rooftop. It was fitting that his pedes would lead him here. To the place he so desperately wanted to go back to.
He climbed to the top, the way felt so much shorter than it used to. Nothing could have prepared him for who he would see up there.
He stopped in his tracks. Dee was standing near the edge of the roof, looking up at the buildings. Rather, Megatron was. Optimus had to remind himself who that was. But he just couldn’t help but see D-16, the cogless miner from Iacon with the golden eyes.
He just stared for a bit, before striding up beside him. Though he hung back a few steps. There was a lengthy silence. Megatron no doubt knew he was there, and the silence was nice despite everything.
“I know what’s up there now….” Came Megatron’s deep timbre after a while. Optimus looked at him, tears welling up in his optics again. This time he wasn’t sure he’d be able to stop them. He flicked his gaze down to those larger servos. That distance was so much bigger now. It felt like it ran the width of the whole city, though in reality it was only an arms length.
“What’s up there?” Optimus asked after another silence. He couldn’t hide the quaking in his voice as he spoke, he just hoped it wasn’t too noticeable. Megatron turned to him.
“Relics of a bygone era.”
Optimus’ gaze met with burning red optics. He’d almost forgotten that they had changed. Megatron’s expression was so hard to read. Was that pain? Regret? He couldn’t tell. All he knew was that his theorising was nothing but wishful thinking.
He knew full well that his faceplate bore his whole spark. A tear spilled over down his cheek.
“Pretty poetic…” he said in barely a whisper, a half hearted smile flashing over his derma. Megatron held his gaze for a while before walking past his old friend. Optimus had to fight to keep himself standing.
Why couldn’t he have just shot him with that canon? End the war for both of them. What was stopping him? His archivist’s curiosity got the better of him. He whipped around.
“Why not just shoot me now?” Megatron turned in shock. “You with that weapon on your arm, me with no arms. No one around. Why not end this fight now?”
For a moment, that silver bot really was D-16 again. Only for a moment. The blank facade came back up in no more than a klik. He really didn’t have the words. He’d already shot his old friend once, what was another? Why couldn’t he do it? His arm just wouldn’t raise.
Optimus strode up close to him and Megatron winced slightly.
“Why don’t you?” The prime’s voice was a shaky whisper. Megatron opened his intake but no words came. He just shook his head.
“Please…if you’re still the bot I once knew, just tell me. We can really end this war before too many more die…”
He knew it was futile to talk like this but Optimus had to at least try. “You know I can’t do that…” Megatron began but he was promptly cut off.
“Then why don’t you shoot me?!” The other bot’s voice raised to an accusatory yell.
“Because I still love you!”
Megatron jumped back with a servo over his intake. He couldn’t believe he just said that. The look on Optimus’ faceplate broke him. It bore all the absolute shock, pain and sorrow that those words brought.
“Because I still love you…” Dee repeated quieter, tears now falling over his sharp features. Orion’s legs gave out but Dee was there to catch him, his frame racking with hard sobs. He felt arms wrap around his torso and cling on for dear life.
“I’m so sorry…I’m so, so sorry…” Dee whispered above the sobbing bot. Orion shook his head and came up to meet his optics.
“I love you too.” Came the simple words so quiet. It seemed so easy to say despite everything. Despite everything Orion found his gaze flicking down to those silver derma, and Dee likewise. Could it really be so easy?
Leaning in, both of their intakes met in a soft kiss. They stayed like this in each other’s arms and found that, yes, it could be so easy.