Chapter Text
Sidon’s will was wonderful and terrible at the same time. He was helpful in the desert when Link ran out of hydromelon smoothies and cool safflina salad. He was great when Link needed a sudden shield. And he was a wonderful fighter when Link was under attack and felt too cowardly to fight, and decided instead to climb up high and let the companion do the work.
But every time he looked at Sidon’s pale blue face, he was reminded of what he couldn’t have. He saw Sidon’s face and felt hollow inside. He remembered Sidon getting on one knee and giving him a ring, and he wished the words said had been different. He tried to be happy for him; what kind of person wasn’t happy for their friend getting engaged? He felt like an awful friend.
Yona was perfect. There were no doubts about it. She was smart and kind and graceful and beautiful. She and Sidon had been friends since childhood. Of course he would pick her. Link hadn’t even told him how much he loved him, that he was an option. He wished he had. Now it was too late.
Before he had gotten Sidon’s will, he liked to sleep in towns or inns. He felt safer when places had guards, or were under the horse god’s protection. He liked getting to sleep in a bed, and he liked having his horse checked into the stable. But now he preferred to sleep in the wild, by the fire. Sidon’s will disappeared when he went into a densely populated area, and he would rather be uncomfortable in the wilderness with Sidon than comfortable in a town without him.
Link took out a cooking pot and made dinner. He wished he could share it with his friends. He felt like he did before he had saved Zelda from Calamity Ganon, all those years ago. Travelling alone, haunted by the ghosts of his loved ones.
He knew it was different. But it didn’t feel different. It felt just as bad. Just as empty. Just as terrifying.
“Sidon?” he said. The companion turned to look at him. His face showed no emotion, and Link felt lonelier than ever upon seeing Sidon’s face lacking any expression.
“Sidon, I’m scared,” Link confided. “I’m scared of Ganondorf. I’m scared I’ll never find Zelda. And I’m scared of the future.”
Sidon sat down beside him. He placed a comforting hand on Link’s leg. Link burst into tears. He leaned against Sidon’s companion, who was somehow just as solid as the man he mimicked. “I miss you. I wish you were here with me. I wish Zelda was here with me and I wish you were both happy and safe. I’m so sorry I failed you both again.”
Sidon’s companion hugged his arms around Link. He didn’t say anything. Link wondered if he wanted to. He wanted him to. He wanted so much that he knew he could never have.
“I hope you’re happy. You deserve every joy in the world. But I wish I could bring you that kind of joy. I wish you loved me like that. I’m happy with Zelda, I promise. But she isn’t here. And you aren’t here. And I don’t know if I’ll get to see her again.”
He pulled away from Sidon’s companion, determination on his face. “No. No, I’ll see her again. And it’s fine, really, if you and I can’t be together like that.”
He wondered if there were any other comforting lies he could tell himself. He couldn’t think of any that would be useful. He took a blanket from his bag and wrapped it around himself. He spoke to the stars. “I love you, Zelda. I love you, Sidon. Good night.”