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Lucas isn't really comfortable with talking about his feelings. Almost being shot in a hostage situation doesn't really change that. But he did talk just enough to pass his psych eval, so he can properly work again. So instead of staying with his aunt and cousin, he goes home with his girlfriend. He does find talking with Simone to be easier than with just about anyone.
As they are laying together in post coital bliss, he can tell Simone wants to talk about something.
”What?”
”Hm?”
”I can tell you're thinking about something and want to talk.”
Simone turns enough to look at him and sighs. ”Yeah. I… I hate to bring up the 'dead mom' card, but… you got shot today.”
”I was shot at,” Lucas corrects.
”And you didn't want to call your mom. You didn't want her to know this happened to you. And I can't help but wonder why.”
Asking Amelia not to call his mom had felt natural at the time. He still doesn't really feel it's necessary. Not to mention…
”I love my Mom. But… she never really saw me. She didn't catch my possible ADHD, she always expects me to fail. I don't yet really know how to deal with all that. And I'm fine, physically, so I don't think it's necessary for her to know right now.
Simone is quiet for a moment, taking his words in. ”OK, I get that. I was just wondering.”
”I love that you care so much,” Lucas kisses her forehead and they settle back in to sleep.
21x15
Lucas can't believe it. He can move on with the rest of his class! All his hard work over the past 11 months hasn't been a waste. He won't be left behind by Simone as she moves up and graduates. He can start planning his future properly. He's so excited he can't wait to tell Simone.
"We deserve it. Now we'll finish our residency at the same time. We could look into doing a couples match for fellowship. How do you feel about New York?"
"I hadn't thought about it." Simone laughs.
"Well, that way, we could do holidays with my family, and then we can come back here and see your granny."
He knows how important family is for Simone. Even though he still doesn't know how to deal with his own family but maybe in a few years he does, and they can spent holidays with them. He can handle that. New York makes sense for that, and it's still easy to get to back to Seattle to visit Simone's granny. It all sounds perfect in his head, so he barely registers Simone's hesitance.
21x17
"Not everyone gets what they want." Simone tells him, angrily.
"That doesn't mean you back away. You go down fighting."
"Well, no. You go down fighting. Not everyone can take risks like you! Not everyone gets bailed out when it goes wrong!"
So. Despite the fact Lucas took responsibility for what happened with Sam. No matter how much he had to prove himself to Catherine Fox, to earn his right to move forward with his fellow interns. Simone still can't get past his name.
"I didn't mean--"
"I think you did." Lucas has spent his whole life trying to prove himself. Trying, uselessly, to be worthy of his name. Yet he can seemingly never measure up.
"I'm done, Simone." Yet Simone can't see him beyond that. He's tired of not living up to anyone's expectations. He's gonna stop trying.