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It had been a few days since Jack’s worrisome words, and Sawyer had finally started to calm down about him. Jack hadn’t done anything rash (yet), and the only major thing currently going on with Sawyer was his…questionable dreams. He refused to think of them, though. Sawyer was damn near determined to not think of Jack like that. And it was working, for the moment.
Currently, Sawyer was sitting on the beach right at the edge of the water, watching the sun rise. It was a beautiful morning; the sky a bright crimson, clouds going from pink to yellow to a pretty orange. It had been over two weeks on this damn island, and despite Sawyer’s constant protests, he happened to quite like the island. He took a deep breath and pulled his lighter out, purely because of habit. Sawyer looked down at it and thought to himself, it was useless now. Both because of his lack of cigars and because it was out of fluid. Finally done with the damn thing, Sawyer tossed it out into the ocean, the lighter bouncing on the surface of the water once, twice, before sinking below a wave.
“Red sky at night, sailor’s delight,” Someone muttered behind Sawyer. He turned around and smirked when he saw it was Jack.
“Red sky at morning, sailor’s warning,” Sawyer finished, turning back to look out at the sea. He patted the spot next to him, wanting Jack to sit next to him. Sawyer shifted his position, resting his elbows on his knees and his right cheek on his forearms, looking at Jack. Jack was squinting out at the sea, the sun getting in his eyes slightly. Sawyer grinned, huffing a laugh out his nose. “Why’d you come out and bother me, doc?”
“Wanted to let you know that you might wanna move from the beach soon,” Jack said, turning to look at Sawyer, the left side of his face now illuminated by the sun.
“How come?” Sawyer asked. It was a perfectly pleasant morning, although most perfectly pleasant mornings on this island do seem to end in a giant rainstorm.
“Tide’ll be rising pretty high soon. In case you haven’t noticed, the water’s at least 3 feet higher than it was just last night. Arzt thinks it might reach the fuselage,” Jack mused, looking back out at the ocean, his little squint back.
“Well, I wasn’t planning on sitting here all day anyways, but thanks for the warning, I guess. And also, who the hell is Arzt?” Sawyer asked. Jack had introduced him to pretty much everyone from the crash, but this Arzt dude didn’t sound familiar.
“High school science teacher. Kind of our main resource for weather and that kind of stuff,” Jack said. Sawyer hummed in response.
“So we’re taking important advice from a guy who couldn’t get a job as a real scientist. Nice. Totally feel safe,” Sawyer said sarcastically. Jack huffed, but Sawyer couldn’t tell if it was in amusement or annoyance. Probably a mixture of both, Sawyer thought.
At this point, the Sun was fully above the horizon, the sky a light blue. Sawyer stood up, stretching his arms above his head and brushing the sand off of himself. He put his hands on his hips and looked down at Jack, who was staring up at him. “You gonna get up or what? Cuz if what you say is true, I don’t think you wanna be underwater at 10 in the morning.”
“Right. Uh, yeah.” Jack stood up and cast one more look at Sawyer before walking away, leaving Sawyer standing there in confusion. What was up with Jack today?
--------
Deciding to enjoy the nice day, Sawyer moved a bit farther up the beach to sit underneath of a tree and do some light reading. He had managed to snag a copy of Watership Down a few days back but had been putting off reading it for awhile. Mostly because of how hectic everything’s been. He might not look like it, but Sawyer loved reading. Mostly classics and of the sorts. He despised the stupid “modern” books that everyone seemed to eat up lately. Of course, Sawyer wouldn’t be bothered by a nice Playboy here and there.
Sawyer had just finished chapter two when he heard yelling coming from lower down on the beach. Something about luggage. He dog-eared his page and looked out at the beachgoers who were currently scrambling to move all of their belongings farther up the beach. The water had really begun to rise. When it rolled in, it was only maybe ten feet away from Sawyer.
“Guess Bunsen Honeydew was right ‘bout the water,” Sawyer muttered to himself. Although he wasn’t quite sure how the teacher knew what was gonna happen in the first place, he decided not to question it. This island (and the people on it) was weird enough as is. He glanced over to his left and spotted Jack standing with Sayid, arms crossed. They looked to be having a serious conversation. About what? Sawyer took a wild guess and went with the mysterious water. At least, that’s what Sawyer would be talking about right now.
Sawyer used the tree to help himself up, sliding his book into one of his inside jacket pockets. After straightening the collar, he called out for Jack.
“Hey doc! I’m gonna skedaddle on back to the caves. You thinkin’ of coming back anytime soon?” Sawyer yelled.
Jack shook his head. “I’m gonna help some people out with their luggage,” he yelled back. “I’ll go back to the caves in an hour or two.”
Sawyer shot Jack a thumbs up (why did he do that? That was so weird) before slipping his hands into his pockets and walking on back to the caves. For the past few days, Jack had finally been letting Sawyer go places on his own. Which, was both a good thing and a bad thing. Good because Sawyer finally felt like he had control over his life again, and bad because the time Sawyer got to spend with Jack was now basically cut in half. Which shouldn’t be a bad thing, honestly. It’s not Sawyer’s fault he got way too used to Jack’s presence. Now it felt weird to walk down the beaten jungle path without hearing Jack’s footsteps in front of him, occasionally moving a branch or a log out of the way for Sawyer. No, stop thinking about that. Sawyer was plenty self-sufficient, he didn’t need some shiny doctor to do everything for him. Although it was still a little lonely, walking by himself.
After a few minutes of silence, Sawyer decided he wasn’t gonna go to the caves. Where he was going to go now? He didn’t know. He just wasn’t in the mood to deal with the other survivors at the moment.
Whilst walking, Sawyer spotted something on the ground. It was shiny; new, maybe? He walked over to it and bent down to examine the object.
A coin. Quarter.
Sawyer hummed lightly to himself and picked it up, rolling it over his knuckles. Somehow, despite being in the middle of wet, gross dirt, the coin was spotless. Sawyer decided to keep the coin. He needed a new fidget anyways, to replace the lighter he had so carelessly thrown into the water a few hours earlier. He slipped it into his front pocket and continued walking.
Somehow, despite walking in the complete opposite direction of the caves, Sawyer found himself standing right at the mouth of it. Freaking weird, if you ask him.
After situating himself right by the mouth of the cave, Sawyer emptied his pockets of all of his treasures: his book, his stake, and the newest addition, his coin. He picked up his stake, noticing it was chipped slightly at the tip. He frowned at it. Probably chipped when he was cutting Charlie down.
A few minutes later, Sawyer heard footsteps and looked up. It was Kate, carrying a pack full of fruit. Sawyer put his things back in his jacket and smirked up at her. “Well hey there, princess.”
“Sawyer,” Kate replied. It seemed like she was only speaking to him out of obligation, which Sawyer thought made sense. They didn’t really like each other, albeit for different reasons.
Probably.
“Need any help there?” Sawyer asked, the question empty. Kate shook her head.
“Nah. Thanks though, I guess.” She began to walk into the cave and then stopped, turning back to Sawyer. “Hey, uh, where’s Jack?” She asked. Sawyer frowned at her.
“Back at the beach playing hero. Helpin’ people out with their luggage,” Sawyer responded. Kate hummed in acknowledgement.
“Didn’t walk you back up to the caves this time?” Kate asked. Sawyer couldn’t tell if she was mocking him or not, but he still scowled at her.
“Oh, shut it, freckles,” He muttered.
“What? I’m just saying. You and him seem to spend all your time together. A few people even call you his little assistant. It’s cute.”
Okay, now she was just trying to piss him off. Sawyer stood up, gazing down at her. “Well, you better tell them to stop. You hear?” He commanded, crossing his arms over his chest. Kate just smirked at him.
“Sure. Have a nice day, Sawyer,” Kate said, a bit too cheerful than Sawyer would like. He huffed and sunk back down against the cave wall. Why did she have to be so damn annoying? People calling him Jack’s little assistant…fucking assholes.
————
A few hours later, Sawyer was sitting on a rock next to where Jack was standing and going through a few of the pill bottles. Sawyer was still mildly amazed at the sheer amount of drugs they had.
Sawyer had his hand in his pocket, rolling his coin over his knuckles, the cold metal feeling nice on his warm hand. He let out a slow sigh and looked at Jack, who was currently facing away from him. Sawyer cleared his throat, Jack turning around to face him.
“Got some interesting info from Kate,” Sawyer muttered, glancing off to the side. He didn’t see it, but he knew Jack was giving him a curious look. “Apparently, people’ve been talkin’ bout us. Callin me your little assistant,” He drawled, drawing out the words. Sawyer leaned forward, resting his chin on his hand. Why wasn’t Jack reacting? Did he not care? Well, Sawyer cared. Sawyer cared a lot.
“Why are you telling me this, Sawyer?” Jack asked. Sawyer leaned back, placing his hands behind him.
“Cuz I thought you might wanna hear it from me, ‘stead of hearing it around the caves.”
“I don’t pay attention to gossip, Sawyer,” Jack said before he turned back to his work. Sawyer scoffed. Who is this man?
“You can’t be serious. You really don’t care about what people’re sayin’ about you?” That was a foreign concept to Sawyer. Then again, he kind of had to care what people said about him, considering he was wanted for multiple cases of fraud. But that’s irrelevant. Mostly.
“I really don’t care, Sawyer. And I think you should stop caring, too.”
Sawyer huffed and rolled his eyes, lightly kicking his legs forward and backward as he watched Jack work. It just didn’t make sense to him. How can a person just not care?
Sawyer pulled his coin out of his pocket, flipping it and catching it in the palm of his hand. He did this a few times until Jack huffed and turned to him.
“What are you doing, Sawyer?” Jack asked. He seemed tired. Of Sawyer? Or just of the day?
“Can’t a man just have some fun? ‘Sides, it gets boring, keeping you company,” Sawyer said, smirking at Jack. It was fun to irritate him. Although maybe not this time. Why not this time? Because Jack walked up right in front of Sawyer, grabbed his wrist and pried the coin out of his hand, examining it. Sawyer glared at Jack in shock and anger. What the fuck was that for?
“Why the- what the hell was that for, doc? Give a man his privacy, jeez. Completely uncalled for,” Sawyer exclaimed, holding his hand out for Jack to give him his coin back. Jack was staring down at the coin like it murdered his entire bloodline or something, and Sawyer wanted to know why.
Sensing Sawyer’s confusion (yet again- how does Jack keep doing this?) Jack looked back at Sawyer. “It says it was made in 2006. Weird misprint.”
Sawyer glared up at Jack. “You took my damn coin just to look at when it was made?” Sawyer asked, anger seeping into his tone. He leaned forward, ripping his coin out of Jack’s hand and slipping it back in his pocket. Sawyer folded his arms over his chest, kind of regretting his choice to not stand up because now Jack is looking down at him, making Sawyer yet again feel like a little kid. He didn’t like feeling like a little kid.
Sawyer knew his anger was stupid- Jack just wanted to see his coin. But once Sawyer got started, there wasn’t much that could make him stop.
“You don’t touch my things, you hear? Sawyer growled. He stood up, putting him chest-to-chest with Jack. They were staring each other down, neither gaze relenting. Sawyer sneered at Jack, willing him to step back. “I said, you hear?” Sawyer repeated, his breath ghosting over Jack’s face.
“You’re overreacting, Sawyer,” Jack muttered. Sawyer didn’t care if he was overreacting, he needed to get the point across.
“You grabbed me and took my coin. I’d say an invasion of my personal space and privacy calls for a bit of a reaction, right?”
Jack scoffed, which pissed Sawyer off even more. “Sawyer, it’s just a coin. Calm down.”
“Promise you won’t do it again,” Sawyer muttered, his eyes flicking across Jack’s face.
Jack was silent for a moment and then sighed. “Okay.”
“Say it.”
“I promise.”
Sawyer stayed up in Jack’s space for a few more seconds before walking away, brushing his shoulder against Jack’s as he walked. He felt Jack’s eyes on him but didn’t turn around.
“Where are you going, Sawyer?” Jack asked. Sawyer finally stopped and turned around.
“Gonna go to sleep. You probably should, too.” Sawyer continued walking when Jack spoke again. God, does he ever shut up?
“You aren’t gonna sleep in here?”
Sawyer rolled his eyes and looked back at Jack, arms crossed. “I’m not injured anymore, ain’t I? No need to keep sleepin’ in the medbay.”
Jack huffed, mimicking Sawyer’s stance. “Well, where are you gonna sleep?”
Crap. Sawyer hadn’t really thought that far ahead. He shrugged his shoulders. “Outside.”
Jack huffed in annoyance and ran a hand over his face. “Sawyer, don’t do that-”
“Night, Jack,” Sawyer muttered before leaving the cave.
--------
The next morning, Sawyer woke up with a stiff neck and a fucked back. Shit. Sawyer let out a half-breath and rolled over on his side before opening his eyes halfway. He buried his face in his jacket, which he used as a makeshift pillow, when he finally recognized a warm weight over him. Sawyer opened one eye and glanced down, noticing a large quilted blanket covering his body. What the hell?
Sawyer threw the blanket off of him, scowling at it. Where the hell did it come from-
Oh.
It was Jack.
Sawyer groaned and ran a hand through his hair. Fucking Jack and his fucking consideration. He was thankful and all- though he’d never admit it- but there was no point. Sawyer would’ve been just fine without a blanket. He was used to sleeping in the cold.
Sawyer stood up, throwing his jacket on and balling the blanket up in his hands. He marched into the caves, a few of the survivors still asleep, and walked into the medcave where Jack was sorting pills. Sawyer tossed the blanket on the ground at Jack’s feet, causing him to stop and look at Sawyer.
“I don’t want your damn blanket,” Sawyer muttered. He watched as Jack bent down to pick the blanket up and sat it on top of the pill cart.
“If you’re gonna be sleeping outside, then you need a blanket,” Jack stated, as if it was obvious. “Besides. When I went out to give it to you, you were shivering in your sleep.”
Sawyer wasn’t shivering. He was having a nightmare. Well, not so much a nightmare as a reliving of the worst day of his life. At least now he knew he didn’t look like he was having a nightmare. He crossed his arms over his chest and bit the inside of his cheek, looking off to the side.
“Are you okay?” Jack asked, his tone way too sincere for Sawyer. He glared at Jack.
“I’m fine. Just stop being so damn nice to me, okay?”
That got Jack to stop. Fuck. Sawyer shouldn’t have said anything. “...Why?”
Sawyer was about to make a sarcastic comment to deflect when Sayid walked in, completely ignoring Sawyer and standing right in front of him. Sawyer stared at him, flabbergasted.
“Jack. Where is Shannon?” Sayid asked. Sawyer stepped out from behind him, moving to stand next to Sayid to glare at him. Sayid either didn’t notice him or was still ignoring him. Sawyer scoffed and went back to looking at Jack.
Jack seemed to think for a moment before responding. “Uh, I think she went down to the beach. Did you ask Boone?”
Sayid shook his head. “I couldn’t find him. I believe he is with Locke.”
Sawyer, already tired of Sayid’s presence, clapped a hand on his shoulder. “Well then, you heard the man. Go down to the beach and find your girl, ‘kay? Good. See ya.”
Sayid gave Sawyer a look, but walked away and left. Sawyer turned to face Jack, leaning back against the cave wall.
“Have you eaten yet?” Jack asked randomly. Sawyer cocked an eyebrow at him. Weird change of topic.
“Why’s it matter to you, doc?” Sawyer responded. Jack shrugged his shoulders.
“I haven’t either. Thought we could talk.” Jack finally shut the top drawer on the cart, the pills rattling slightly. Sawyer thought for a moment- did he really wanna talk to Jack right now?
“Talk about what, exactly?”
“Last night. I wanted to apologize.” Oh gosh. Sawyer rolled his eyes, crossing his arms over his chest again.
“I don’t want your damn apology, Jack,” Sawyer stated. Jack let out a short huff, which annoyed Sawyer. Why was Jack annoyed?
“Fine. I won’t apologize. But still, eat with me.” Jack was giving Sawyer a look that said he had no way out of this. After thinking for a few seconds, Sawyer relented.
“Fine.”
————
After getting some food that was barely suitable for a breakfast, Sawyer followed Jack down to the beach. Which he wasn’t very happy about.
“Why’re we eating at the beach?” Sawyer asked breathlessly. They were going the long way. The one thing Sawyer didn’t miss about walking through the jungle with Jack.
“Sunrise” was the only response Jack gave, and Sawyer decided to shut up because if Jack wasn’t going to talk, then why should Sawyer?
Once they arrived at the beach, Jack motioned for Sawyer to sit with him near the edge of the water. The whole thing felt reminiscent of yesterday morning, only this time it was Jack getting Sawyer to sit with him.
They both began eating in silence, Sawyer taking a bite straight out of his mango and Jack peeling the skin back before eating. It was nice, sort of like last time they ate together.
After a little bit, Jack spoke up. “Are you still mad at me?” He asked. Sawyer thought about it for a second and then shook his head.
“Nah.” Sawyer went back to being silent, continuing to eat his mango. He could feel Jack’s eyes on him occasionally, and after a few minutes, Sawyer looked up and found himself making direct eye contact with Jack. Sawyer furrowed his brows. “What? Got mango on my face or something?”
Jack chuckled softly. “Yeah, actually. Here- uh, can I?”
Sawyer wasn’t sure what he was agreeing to, but he trusted Jack. Sort of. He nodded his head, and Jack brought his hand up to Sawyer’s chin and rubbed his thumb against the corner of Sawyer’s lips. Sawyer purposefully glanced away from Jack while he did it, and as soon as Jack was done, Sawyer pulled away. It was really only 5 seconds, but to Sawyer it felt like hours.
“Coulda done that myself, y’know,” He muttered, looking out to sea.
“Yeah, you’re welcome,” Jack said before turning out to sea himself. He was quiet for a moment, and then spoke. “I really don’t like you sleeping outside, Sawyer.”
Sawyer huffed, hugging one knee to his chest. “Not up to you to decide, doc.”
“I know, it’s just-” Jack stopped and sighed. “Nevermind.”
Sawyer shot Jack a questioning look, but went quiet. Another beat of silence.
“What’d Sayid need Shannon for earlier?” Sawyer asked. Jack shrugged.
“She was helping him translate some of the papers he got from Rousseau,” Jack responded as though Sawyer would know exactly what he was talking about.
“And Rousseau is…” Sawyer made a motion with his hand to get Jack to go on.
“Oh! She’s the French woman. Been on the island for 16 years.”
“Oh, her. Yeah, Charlie told me ‘bout her a while back,” Sawyer said. Jack’s face fell at the mention of Charlie, and he went silent. Crap. Sawyer thought to himself about what to do- how the hell do you comfort a person? - and finally decided on clamping a hand on Jack’s shoulder. Jack sighed and rubbed a hand over his face, and then glanced at Sawyer’s hand on his shoulder.
“What are you doing?”
Sawyer retracted his hand and cleared his throat, wrapping his arms around his leg again. “Nothing. Just…Are you still beating yourself up over Charlie?”
Jack was quiet for a moment before nodding his head. “Yeah,” He muttered. “I just…I know it wasn’t my fault. I know it wasn’t.” After that, Jack trailed off and looked back out at the ocean.
“But you still feel like it was because you couldn’t save him,” Sawyer finished. Jack nodded his head slightly, biting the inside of his cheek. Sawyer was fucking tired of Jack beating himself up over this. He needed to figure out a way to get Jack’s mind off of Charlie and on something else, anything else. Some alcohol might do him good--
Wait. That’s it.
Sawyer stood up quickly, brushing the sand off of his pants. “Come on. I have an idea.” Sawyer began walking, and heard Jack’s footsteps running up behind him.
“Sawyer- what- where are you going?” Jack asked, running up to walk alongside Sawyer.
“Gettin’ some alcohol. We’re gonna get you drunk.” Sawyer smirked at Jack before looking back ahead of him.
--------
After the long walk back to the caves- and convincing Jack to tell Sawyer where the alcohol was- the two settled down in Sawyer’s secret spot against a log, one mini-bottle of vodka to split between both of them.
“I really don’t think this is a good idea,” Jack muttered, glaring down at the bottle. Sawyer scoffed. This man…
“Loosen up, doc. You need a good drink.” Sawyer smirked at Jack and took the cap off, taking a small sip of the bottle before passing it to Jack. “Here. Drink.”
Jack hesitated for a moment, but eventually took the bottle from Sawyer and took a sip, smaller than even Sawyer took. Sawyer scoffed and refused the bottle when Jack tried to pass it back.
“Hell no. Take another sip.” Sawyer nudged the bottle back to Jack with two fingers, who unwillingly took a second sip. Jack’s face scrunched up, causing Sawyer to let out a small laugh. “Lightweight,” Sawyer muttered as he took another sip, giving the bottle back to Jack.
“So, what exactly is your ploy here, Sawyer?” Jack asked, swirling the bottle slightly before taking a sip.
“Gettin’ your mind offa Charlie. Need you to relax,” Sawyer said as he watched Jack take another drink without passing it back to Sawyer. He held his hand out for Jack to give him the bottle. “Although I wouldn’t mind a drink myself, doc.”
They passed the bottle back and forth for about the next ten minutes, a comfortable silence between them as they drank. Sawyer got the last drink from the bottle, and when it was empty he tossed it out into the bushes. He looked over at Jack who’s eyes were closed, a content smile on his face. Maybe it was the alcohol talking, but Sawyer thought Jack looked amazing like this. Actually happy. Not those smiles that barely reach his eyes. Although those looked nice, too.
“You like my smiles?” Jack mumbled, glancing at Sawyer through the corners of his eyes. Fuck. Had Sawyer been speaking out loud?
“I-“ Sawyer scowled at Jack. “No.” He turned to scowl down at the ground, resting his arms on his knees. Sawyer seized up when Jack bumped his shoulder slightly, resting against Sawyer’s side.
“Oh, come on. We both know you said so,” Jack muttered, grinning at Sawyer.
Sawyer still wouldn’t look at Jack, but when he did, he immediately wanted to look away again because Jack’s face was barely three inches away from his.
They just stayed like that- faces close, Jack grinning at Sawyer- for about another minute. Sawyer was just staring at Jack’s face, although more specifically his mouth. Fuck, Jack had such a nice smile. Sawyer’s own lips were parted slightly, lax from the alcohol. Despite the proximity, it was comfortable between the two. So comfortable, in fact, that Sawyer began leaning in closer, closer, to Jack’s mouth, and Jack wasn’t protesting. Sawyer moved to place his hand on Jack’s face when they heard a rustling coming from the bushes, causing Jack to quickly pull away and stand up, moment broken.
Sawyer, ignoring whoever it was who approached, sighed and shut his eyes, bowing his head down into his hands. What the hell was he doing? Stupid, stupid, stupid. He could vaguely hear the sound of Jack speaking to someone- Sayid, maybe? Yeah, it sounded like Sayid.
Sawyer tilted his head back, laying it back on the log and looking at Jack and Sayid. Jack turned back to look at Sawyer.
“Sawyer, I have to go down to the beach. Sayid and Shannon need to show me the papers,” Jack said, sounding much more sober than he did a minute ago.
Sawyer closed his eyes, waving his hand in the general direction of Jack. “Yeah, okay. Catch ya later, doc.”
He felt Jack’s eyes on him for a few more seconds and then heard them walking away, leaving Sawyer alone with his god-awful thoughts. All he could think of is what he almost did with Jack. He ran a hand through his hair and sighed, reaching his free hand into his pocket and pulling out his coin.
“Stupid fucking coin, reason I did all this dumb shit…” He muttered drunkenly. “Never shoulda picked you up in the first place. Piece of crap.” He tossed it out into the bushes, somehow hitting the vodka bottle and making a little clink sound. After a few minutes, Sawyer stood up and walked over to where he tossed the coin, brushing his hair out of his face as he bent down to pick it up. He really didn’t have a good reason to keep it. Maybe so that every time he looked at it, he’d think of what he just tried to do. Regret, self-hatred, and self-pity are three of Sawyer’s favorite things.
It was too early in the day to go back to sleep, and too late in the day to go do anything interesting on the beach besides getting a sunburn. Sawyer ended up going back to the caves, spending the rest of the day reading and ignoring everyone who tried to talk to him, except for Boone, who he cleverly managed to trip.
At some point, Sawyer fell asleep. For the first time, he didn’t dream of that night when he was a kid, or of Jack. Well, okay. A little bit about Jack. It was such a weird dream- Sawyer asked Jack “what was in the case” and then Jack tossed him a Snickers bar. In Sawyer’s hand was his coin. What was this ‘case’ his brain made up? No idea. Why a Snickers bar? Also no idea. Sawyer didn’t even particularly like chocolate, but whatever.
After that weird dream, Sawyer’s mind faded to black, at peace during the night for the fist time in a long time.